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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 24 October 2009 05:56 pm |
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ugh, well today i feel like a bear with a spur in my paw! i am in a mood that i cant seem to shake. i want to yell and stomp my feet and cry.
last nite, i had a nice healthy dinner then i had nuts and lemonade then i had cheetos. oddly enough i weighed in at 158 today. crazy how it works. i just dont get it.
i didnt overeat the cheetos, in fact i forget that i had 3 packets of diet cocoa with coffee and milk....it was good. i drank it all. it was still only 100 calories total, so its not bad, but i felt piggish by having 3 packets....which is equal to like a 32 oz cup you get at starbucks or wherever...lol..
i have been fantasizing about food though. i would love to have sourdough bowl with clam chowder, i would like a hot fudge sundae with nuts and whip cream, i would love a bowl of wheat chex with sugar......i got snickers bars yesterday on sale 2 for a $1.....so i put them in the freezer outside and havent had one yet...they are reserved for the moment that i just have to have one. i havent told d but when he goes to grab a kit kat white chocolate he will see them. its good that i got them, and i will reserve for special, i just think about them from time to time...lol...
how are you beatles?
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Beatlesgirl
New Member
| Joined: | 17 September 2009 |
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| Posts: | 85 |
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Posted: 24 October 2009 08:16 pm |
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| well im feeling defeated, last night I had a huge bowl of pasta for dinner and after dinner I went and got a kit kat mc flurry, its always the f*ing mcflurry!!! And after that I just let go and pigged out some more, today I´ve only eaten a few crackers and cranberry juice so now I´m starving and my bf and I are going out for tea....something tells me I´m probably going to fail again. And everywhere I look I see thin thin thin, I was watching americas next top model and they are all extremely thin, very very pretty and thin. Last night my bf and I were talking and he said that he had gotten used to my wobbly bits, and I told him that they had to go, and he said that they probably never will go, and I said they have to go, but I know that if I keep on eating all this junk then they will never go. Most of this is probably in my head as a doctor would tell me that I´m at a healthy weight, but I would like to strip off all the faat around my waist, thight and bum, okay I know that a bit of fat is healthy, to put it all in my boobs! hahahahhahahahaha lol, okay, that wont happen, but i´d just like to look in the mirror and say hey lookin good laura! I know that that day can come, I just have to make it happen...
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 24 October 2009 09:38 pm |
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stop watching those shows, they are terrible for anyone trying to lose weight because those are not average everyday women, they dont eat more than once a day, they binge and purge i am sure and they obsess to be perfect. I stay away from those shows. I cant get into them, if you have to watch reality watch so you think you can dance, or something activity oriented with pretty costumes and happiness....all those reality slut cheap looking hootchie girl shows make me want to vomit.
seriously, i mean, you dont really want to be them, you are smart, you have something to say, you have natural god given curves that you shuld just embrace. Think of J Lo instead. She is gorgeous and she is in shape! she didnt always look that way, when she was in her early twenties she was loose in the tush and adorable and sexy....i think you need to make alowance for the ice cream stuff in your diet if you are going to eat them as much as you do. Watch the total calorie intake and not fats carbs proteins etc...because you consistently want ice cream. you know its easily 300-400 calories so work it into your day. If you look up the calorie needs on the weight loss calculator you can guesstimate your total need based on your activity....then you take away what you work out via the calories burned calculator and you end up with your intake for the day.....i would guess you can take in about 1200-1400 to lose a day....that divided into 3 meals a day allows you to have 300 calories for breakfast, lunch and then dinner plus a yummy dessert of 300-400 or less. If you do the higher calorie burn workouts like that tae bo stuff you were doing, i dont see how come you couldnt lose....you should send a note to NIR, one of the administrators and ask him to assess for you your needs...he is a pro. He got me on a track and i am doing my best to stick to it.
my whole point is, that with the calorie counting you can stop making yourself feel bad if you have something sweet. It allows you to enjoy all things in moderation. I have good days and bad, as you know.....but its so easy to go over too, in which case you just workout more...lol...perfect example today...
good breakfast, but for lunch i had 3 slices of sourdough bread with butter, then i had a cup of clam chowder.....put me up into 1300 before noon!!! So, i just pushed thru 3 12 min miles and now i will do the other 2 12min miles for a total of 5 miles today...that will bring off about 560calories for me today, bringing me back into my loss range. Sure, my total for the entire day may be 1800...but after i work off the 560, i end up in the 1300-1400-1500 for the day as a net, which is ok for me. Make sense?
calorie counting has been my savior, oddly enough. it got me this far. i have done atkins, south beach, jenny craig, weight watchers....nothing happened. this has done it for me. :)
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Beatlesgirl
New Member
| Joined: | 17 September 2009 |
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| Posts: | 85 |
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Posted: 25 October 2009 05:16 pm |
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I posted yesterday but It doesn´t seem to have worked, well the post went on and on about me failing and eating mcflurrys and chips and just pigging out really , and then it went on saying that just someday I want to look at myself in the mirror and say, hey! looking good! I´d really love to jost not have all this flab all over my body.
I´m feeling really concious these days, my bf was arguinig with his older sister and they were at eachothers throats, I kept out the way, but I heard them say like at least I have a better car than you and so on...and when my bf said at least I have a girlfriend she said like a nasty coment, I cant remember but it was somewhat like yeah and look at the girlfriend you´ve got (like im ugly or whatever). I hate her!
Well today I made more soup, I felt upset yesterday becuase his parents went food shopping and they only bought unhealthy stuff, fattening stuff, and I dont have any money to buy myself healthy food, or low cal food, thats why I made some soup.
I´m feeling frustrated, like im not in control of anything, and all I want is to be thin
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Beatlesgirl
New Member
| Joined: | 17 September 2009 |
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| Posts: | 85 |
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Posted: 25 October 2009 07:33 pm |
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ok ive just noticed that it actually did post lol. yeah nir told me that I need about 1300 a day and 30mins of high impact exercise like taebo, but I haven´t been doing any taebo cos I´m lazy and also because I dont have any privacy, maybe I should get up early before my father in law and bf wakes up and do exercise then, that sounds like a good idea. Basically I need to just stop eating junk late and night and say goodbye to mcflurry, or just have one a month, that way I will look forward to it. Just thinking on my feet, what is true is that I have to do exercise because if I´m doing exercise then what I put in my mouth wont be as bad, yeah so tomorrow I´m setting my alarm clock!!
Good luck for tonight and think about me when youre about to eat something bad, I´ll think about you, maybe the trick is to keep busy, if I´m going to eat something naughty I´ll just go brush my teeth or something lol!
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 26 October 2009 01:53 am |
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hello friend, i dont have much time to post, mj and d are both taking baths...but i had to share with you the disaster of a day that i had. woke with a headache, then it started almost immediately between mj and d, she isnt listening to mommy and he has had enough..etcetcetc....so go to town to run errands and he is stressing big time, getting all hmmmphs and eyes rolling etc and i finally just barked at him, he said i get mad at him for how he tries to get her to listen to me and yet i dont get upset with her? he doesnt see how upset i get during the week....anyway, escalated and i came home and went to the bathroom and swallowed whole practically a kit kat....in about two seconds. then, it just kept up, eventually i have had today TWO snickers bars at 280 apiece, and a dr pepper, and walnuts and almonds. So that is 3 candy bars today alone. WOW
talk about stress eating. sometimes i wonder why i get so defensive when he attempts to teach her to be a well behaved kid, we both want her to listen and respect elders etc...what is my issue? its knowing how he felt about his ex's two girls totally walking all over him, and then he would lay rules down and mom would let them do whatever they wanted because he wasnt home....etc.etcetc..hence, my fear that he will just decide one day its not worth it to try to bring up another girl who isnt gonna respect me.......
i yell at her constantly, why does it bug me so to let him take over? i think i take it personally too, because i am here all day trying to get things right...and he sees how little she listens and well, i feel it reflects back to the source...me.
anyway beatles, i am glad you are here to share, sorry to go off...but i had to get it out there so i deal with it. its still tense around here and i just want to go to sleep. then, we asked my parents down for tonite, they told us they just cant do it all or please everyone....well, thanks, thanks alot......
hugs and talk soon..i am gonna try to get thru tonite without eating anymore...i took in over 2500 i think and i cleared net over 1600....so tomorrows gonna hurt me....
is it bad to say i do better when he is at work? or am i just fooling myself????
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Beatlesgirl
New Member
| Joined: | 17 September 2009 |
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| Posts: | 85 |
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Posted: 26 October 2009 06:03 pm |
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| My advice to you would be to try not to stress and show your daughter how much you love her, maybe take her for a treat, something that she will enjoy, but as she gets older you need to make her see that you are not siding with you man, I left home because I saw my mum siding with her boyfriend ans picking on me, then I thought I´ll go running to my bf and live with him, well it has been a mistake becasue not only is he a controling freak but he doesnt stand up for me, this morning his mum was slagging me off to him saying that I dont clean or wash the dishes (I do, but im not cinderella either) and he went mad with me, then his saying saying to his face that "I am no beauty", what would you do? I´m absolutely furious, what a bithc, how can she say that? I am not ugly, in fact I think I´m quite pretty, his sister is probably better looking than me and she is tall with a nice body and big boobs but where does she get off saying that about me? His mum wont even look me in the eye today, and I went walking for about 30mins, so that was my exercise for the day, and then I´ve got my mum calling me crying telling me to live my life. Today has been a bad day, but last night after my tea when I got hungry I ate a small bowl of cereal and then I didnt have anything after that, so thats good, ill try to do the same tonight, but I wish I had a diferent life.
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 26 October 2009 06:53 pm |
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hey beatles, ok, i am trying to get the story here....when did you leave moms? why again did you leave moms? so you went to live with your boyfriend when you left moms?
my first concern is did you go to live with him in desparation of having nowhere else to go, which sets up the sister and his mom for being hard on you because you ran to him to save you...(in their eyes anyway)...and you resent them for not liking you, but perhaps they see it differently because it wasnt a decision the two of you made as a couple, it was you needing a place to stay. That sounds like bad timing. I am not saying go home to be with mom, but i think you need to repair that bridge...you need to let your mom know how you feel. I moved back and from my parents house a few times over the last 6 years and times werent always the best, but i had a place to fall, and i am grateful i did. I made alot of bad choices and they saved me. We argued alot, we disagreed but i wouldnt have gotten here without them. As for the sis and mom, well, i imagine they feel that you are maybe using their son/brother to have a place to stay? i dont mean to sound harsh, but obviously they are upset about something.....i know its no fun to be cinderella, but if you arent working or going to school (i am not sure what is goin on for you right now...i hvent gotten to read your whole diary... :( ) then, perhaps the best thing you can do is be cinderella, make the house pretty, clean the bathrooms, give the house some love, show them all you are capable of being an independent, responsible, grown up woman that is able to clean, cook and take care of herself, her things and her man. I myself am just like my mom, i have to have a clean house. i cant stand to leave dishes in the sink overnite...if i do its because i FORCE myself to do it. Really, I clean the clothes at least 2-3 times a week, i wash, dryer, fold and hang then put it all away. I make all the meals, i buy all the groceries, i pay the bills, i care for the man and the kid and its my role as wife, mom and main caregiver in this house. D goes to work 5 days a week, i make sure he has his lunch and coffee each morning. I love this role, sure some days i wish he did more, but he is the one making the money and i am making the house run smoothly. Its got to be a team effort or all is lost.
I dont know it this helps at all, but you need to step up the "wifey" or "homemaker" role in the house or else they will see you as lazy, unmotivated and whiney about what you dont have, which mainly sounds like their respect. I didnt learn how to cook from watching my mom, sure she cooked but oddly enough my dad was always home first, so i learned how to make spaghetti and such...but overall, i have come into this house 2 years ago and learned how to live as a woman, a wife and a mother....It hasnt been easy because D is picky about his food, he doesnt like everything and i have to be selective when i shop etc. I used recipes from the internet when i am out of ideas, but cooking is easy. Cleaning is easy. I would rather be at home mom, wife etc than be out dealing with #%@&! bitchy bosses and feeling like i work my butt off for a measly 600 a week...its not worth it.
I would step up to the wifey role if it were me, start by cleaning up the house, organizing it, taking control if you are there, you have to make your place in that house KNOWN TO ALL THE OTHER WOMEN in his life or they dont see you standing there. If you arent working, all the more reason to get up and do that, they cant say a word when they walk into the house and see a made bed, a bathroom with towels hanging, a clean kitchen etc...its the little things that put women at ease. They want to see you take care of him and yourself and the things around you, otherwise they dont see you.
I know i am up on a salt box, and i say these things because i have been the invisible girlfriend that mommy steps right around or over...and the way i made myself seen was to show i cared in ways they could see.
Big hug to you beatles, let me know if i #%@&! you off...i just may have, but it wasnt my intention, i promise. #%@&!, i wish i had had a boyfriend who wanted to live with me when i was just a babe...:) consider yourself lucky to not be totally alone.
:)
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 27 October 2009 06:43 pm |
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hello all,
beatles, i said alot of stuff yesterday, i was having such a stressful weekend with D and MJ and i hope i didnt put too much on the table about your situation. I may have gone over the top with the living situation and its because i have been in your shoes. I wont go into that story, but it was similar to yours in that i was kinda looked down on, i moved in really without any invite....just wanted out of my folks house, and i became his cinderella, but i thought i was loving him and taking care of his things etc.....it was not the right way for me to go but at the time it was. We were together just over a year, and he is MJ's donor......but that happened after i finally moved out from his place and left him....ironic. I was supposed to have a child is how i look at that. :) :(
Anyway, sorry if i stepped on your toes, i did mean well, and i get so impassioned about stuff outside of my life, like i can help all others except me? make sense? I hope you had a nice nite and didnt fight or binge.... :)
As for me, I ate and had 4 waffles for dinner....omg. I can smell myself getting fat. Its sick. Although today the weight is at 159, i feel like i am at 200 again. I just want to eat more and more and give up the exercise and hard work. Last nite, laying in bed, D had to bring up how i am always writing and logging right after i eat and its taking away from his time with me. Why cant i just be happy where i am because i am so beautfiul right now this weight? Why do i have to beat myself up all the time, workout so hard, if you know that you are able to do what you are now and maintain, why not do it??
I got upset of course, I try to explain how i feel this way, how easy it is for me to just be a slobby lazy person who doesnt workout and doenst care what she eats, but why should i do that? i am trying to find my path that will allow me to enjoy without the utter painful guilt i have, i dont know if i will ever get that down though. I may never feel content just to eat as i do without logging it. If i do that, would i maintain or just regain? I dont want to do taht! He doesnt get it. He said he understands but he doesnt.
Today i had the rest of mj's soggy wheat chex and two cups of coffee with about 5 cheetos for breakfast. I have scooped the horse poo that was 2 wheelbarrows of poo, and about a half mile walk for about 35min. I did something today, considering how bully cold it is and windy, i am proud of myself. It would be easy to be a lazy mom at home, but i cant allow myself to do that. Especially days like this, cold and wintery. U just want to be warm and snuggled watching good tv! lol
I have started to get back into bed in the morning after he leaves, its still dark now and its cold as heck, and i get back into bed and maybe nap for about another hour or until mj is up. I relish that time, because in the summer i dont do it. I enjoy being up early in the summer but the winter, i love to be warm, esp in the dark. Ugh, winter laziness is setting in.... lol
I will be good today. If i just keep writing i will clear my head. I had the last 4 days of over 2000 calories a day before taking away any exercise. UGH!
Oddly enough, livestrong.com calibrations tell me that to lose a pd a week, i need to take in 1900 a day. I feel like that is high! But i put the numbers in and that is what it gives me. The trouble is that i weigh in daily, thereby i dont ever really see a loss, i just watch it go up and down. How can i train my brain to allow me to weigh in once a week??????
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Beatlesgirl
New Member
| Joined: | 17 September 2009 |
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| Posts: | 85 |
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Posted: 27 October 2009 10:55 pm |
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thank you for your comments, in not #%@&! off at all, I really liked to know your opinion. well my mum has a new husband and we get on really bad, I was having a bad time and I only wanted to be with my bf, so I did kind of barge my way into the house without an invite. the sister doesnt live here anymore but i feel like whenever she sees me I am not at ease, i dont like her, and after her coment about me being no beauthy I have just lost all repect for her, im never going to give her any atention, and the mum I feel is always trying to pick something bad out about me and show that to her son. she is so hés my little boy" and it spathetic, she treats him like a young boy and hes 22, like she says my son is so thin, its becuase you dont feed him properly, and shes make him tea saying here ive made you some good food, or if we go to mcdonalds shell moan and say that thats not food. the dad has his days, some days he calls me his daughter and other days he doesnt even say hello to me. And I just dont like his mum I feel like shes a bit jelous because I am the other woman in her sons life or something, i duno but my mum doesnt like her either. I´m just wishing for the day that I have my own house, and in my house I will do what I want to do.
As for eating I´ve been like always, through the day I try to eat very little, later I have tea (somedays quite healthy) and after tea I´ll have cereal, and a while later munch something naughty, today for instance I´ve been eating these chocie things, but I am controling a lot more than normal what I´m eating, I hate doing the cleaning without no appretiation or even a smile, but its best that I just clean the house everyday and look after my boyfriend, even though I feel like I want some looking after.
Maybe you could take the scales round to friends house or something and tell her that you will come round once a week to weigh yourself and for her not to let you use it any other time, that might help, I only go once a week because I have to go to the chemists to do it! lol
goood luck
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 28 October 2009 11:39 pm |
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oh mom in laws are tough. i have had that from most of the guys moms i dated in the past, but i wasnt living with any of them except 2 of them. One mom adored me and the other one coddled her son and was very health conscious and organic etc...so he never ate any of that stuff shed bring over...which she did weekly...it was hard to handle. D's mom isnt with us anymore, so the only one in his life is his step mom who he barely regards at all...so luckily i dont have to have that drama in my life.
the thing is, you can eat out at any fast food place nowadays and you can choose to eat healthier things! You can eat the fruit in a cup with yogurt that is delicious! Its very low in calories....salads, the chicken sandwiches that arent fried...etc...its not that hard to find something that isnt terrible for you. You have to concede that she is right when she sais that its not healthy because OVERALL most of their stuff isnt healthy......and if you eat that every day its true its not healthy. Have you ever seen the Super Size Movie? its totally true, you can eat 30 days worth of 3 meals from Mc'D's and you will easily gain 30 pds. After that documovie came out, the restaurants stopped doing super size anything because its not worth the health risk. Now you have a choice of your sizes and if you can handle the smalls just get them and enjoy it. Myself, I used to eat anything fast food any time i was in a rush and i would often stop at 2 or 3 places to fill all the urges i had.....After moving out here, away from town, away from the choices...i started to eat at home more and well, that stuff isnt the same for me now. Now, I barely eat any of it, unless its to feed an anxiety or stress or simply because i am starved and stupid.
If you can reserve one day or two days a week for eating out then you can tell her to suck it! If you arent cooking much at alll, get over the fear...not only is the stuff bad for you in the end, its costly! It is cheaper to make your own food and loads better for you.
If you need a better kick in the butt over the fast food...pull up any of their websites because they all offer nutritional values now for ALL of their foods. You will eat your hat to read how many calories are in a Big Mac or a Medium fries, or a large coke etc....its alarming. Even Taco Bell, and Wendys with their yummy southwestern salads take the numbers up over 600 for a salad?!?! a salad!.....the greens are great, its the beans (although they are super for protein) and dressing and chips that come along with them....
You will work it out.......you have to plan to cook at home though, you have to think about what you BOTH enjoy and go shopping, heck go together!...although i used to enjoy goin to the walmart with D, now we dont go together anymore because he is waay more into impulse shopping and we have to budget. I still spend about 100 a shopping visit, but we eat home every day but maybe once a week if we can afford it....and i send him out the door each day with a full days worth of food, plus he has nightly snacks regularly....so food goes thru this house like water....
I am way up on the scale today, trying not to get down but after the weekend i had, who can be shocked??? i got all strung out at the store wiht mj because she wanted everything she saw and i grabbed a kit kat and a 3 musketeers! UGH! I had half of the 3M and gave the rest to MJ. After a good lunch i dove into the Kit Kat to get it gone and then i did my 5 12minute miles to make myself feel justified in my binge.
D tells me to just enjoy it, how can i do that when i could easily wolf down about 5 kit kats before i may start to tire of them? I am past the fast food, but i cant seem to stop wanting the sweets. I didnt get myself anymore diet cocoa when i was at the store.....i didnt get any ice cream.....i was a good girl, but i had a german chocolate cake on clearance but i eventually put it back. I got all the goodies for D and none for me, short of the candy bar!!! LOL....bad i know!
We just have to keep each other accountable...i am here for you, you are here for me. Those around us who love us wont always support or agree, that is why we are here.....
Big Hug and i am challenging you to not have mcdonalds until Saturday...that is only 2.5 days from now...can you do it?? :) I will not have any candy bars until Saturday too!!!
Can we do it?? :)
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Beatlesgirl
New Member
| Joined: | 17 September 2009 |
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| Posts: | 85 |
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Posted: 29 October 2009 04:57 pm |
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yes we can ! hehe, well his mother still hasnt spoken a word to me, well yesterday we went out for a morning snack and as soon as we got back his mum said I´m making you some proper food, then she asked me if I was going to eat and I said that we had already eaten, she asked him if it was true and he said yeah some sandwiches and she said thats not food, thats nothing. And what really pisses me off is that she always going on about him not getting any proper food, she makes him chips with every meal and eggs and horrible meaty concoxions (i dont like meat) and yesterdays "so called chicken" was a horrible grey colour, i dont know how he can eat it. Well he is quite picky and doesnt like anything healthy, its his mums fault for giving him the same thing every single day of his life, I try to make him salads now and again but he eats a bit of tuna and thats it. I always make an effort to eat healthy, its always salads, potato salad, or whatever, the last time we went to burger king I had a chicken salad and it was delicious, but it didnt really fill me up.
Tomorrow is friday, weigh in day, and I dont know if the scales will be down because I´ve been doing well through the day but last night I eat 2 bags of crisps! Okay so lets make today and tomorrow good days, lets just think "healthy".
Good luck! (I´m off to clean the bedroom as it smells of tobaco!)
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Beatlesgirl
New Member
| Joined: | 17 September 2009 |
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| Posts: | 85 |
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Posted: 31 October 2009 04:53 pm |
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Well last night I didnt exactly go to mcdonalds but I did eat out, and I absolutely stuffed myself, I hadnt really eaten much all day and when I got home (pardon my sincerity) I had diarreah, it was weird, I think that happened because I´d been controling myself all week and trying to eat less. I didnt weigh myself so I´ll have to go on monday.
My skin is horrible, every morning I wake up with really dry lips and vaseline isnt doing anything for me. I´m going to make it my challenge to drink more water. As for the bf yesterday was good, there were no arguements and we were quite lovey dovey (makes a change) his mum still isnt speaking to me and the other his sister was here and she didnt even look at me, shes so horrible. Anyway I´ll just forget about her. His mum can think what she wants I dont care, she has a horrible life anyway, she gets up for work in the morning and spends all afternoon lying on the couch watching argentinian soap operas. And everytime we walk downstairs to go out she cant help herself but say "where are you going?" I always bite my tongue and dont say anything but I wish my bf would one day say "whats it to you? do i ask you were you are going?".
Anyway I´m just moaning really, maybe you could try drinking more water too, It really is vital for our bodies and should help clear my skin up too. My hair is falling out loads, and I´ve been washing and styling it much less...its quite scary really. Has it ever happended to you?
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 31 October 2009 05:32 pm |
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hey lady lay,
happy halloween! umm, losing my hair hasnt happened to me and i hope it doesnt. U have some deficiency in your vitamins, suggest looking up hair loss on internet and see what turns up that is reasonable to what you are going thru....here is a blurb i found....
and a website to check out...
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hair-loss
What causes excessive hair loss?
A number of things can cause excessive hair loss. For example, about 3 or 4 months after an illness or a major surgery, you may suddenly lose a large amount of hair. This hair loss is related to the stress of the illness and is temporary.
Hormonal problems may cause hair loss. If your thyroid gland is overactive or underactive, your hair may fall out. This hair loss usually can be helped by treatment thyroid disease. Hair loss may occur if male or female hormones, known as androgens and estrogens, are out of balance. Correcting the hormone imbalance may stop your hair loss.
Many women notice hair loss about 3 months after they've had a baby. This loss is also related to hormones. During pregnancy, high levels of certain hormones cause the body to keep hair that would normally fall out. When the hormones return to pre-pregnancy levels, that hair falls out and the normal cycle of growth and loss starts again.
Some medicines can cause hair loss. This type of hair loss improves when you stop taking the medicine. Medicines that can cause hair loss include blood thinners (also called anticoagulants), medicines used for gout, medicines used in chemotherapy to treat cancer, vitamin A (if too much is taken), birth control pills and antidepressants.
Certain infections can cause hair loss. Fungal infections of the scalp can cause hair loss in children. The infection is easily treated with antifungal medicines.
Finally, hair loss may occur as part of an underlying disease, such as lupus or diabetes. Since hair loss may be an early sign of a disease, it is important to find the cause so that it can be treated.
Can improper care of my hair cause hair loss?
Yes. If you wear pigtails or cornrows or use tight hair rollers, the pull on your hair can cause a type of hair loss called traction alopecia (say: al-oh-pee-sha). If the pulling is stopped before scarring of the scalp develops, your hair will grow back normally. However, scarring can cause permanent hair loss. Hot oil hair treatments or chemicals used in permanents (also called "perms") may cause inflammation (swelling) of the hair follicle, which can result in scarring and hair loss.
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... As for me, I drink about 12 glasses of water a day, i use a 32oz gatorade bottle and fill it 3-4 times a day. I am not lacking in water. I could be my own swimming pool! ;p
its been a hard few days for me, i didnt even post yesterday i was so down. I have got to put the scale away. I must for my own brain. Thursday was MJ's first Dental visit, its the same place i go and by chance they have an old style scale in the ladies bathroom and i use it every time i go. My last weigh in there was 186. That day at home I was 189. Now, current day, that morning I was 158 and at the dentist 155, 3 pds consistent. I wish I could say I am 155. I would be so excited! Instead, I get on the scale yesterday, 159, then today a whopping 162!~ HOLY COW!
What did i do to defeat myself yesterday??? Hmm....well, all day i was good. It was once D came home. I had dinner, we had egg burritos. Mine was delicious, eggs, cheese, onion, ham, green chile. YUMMY! and not bad, less than 400 for all its worth. But, after that I had a cherry turnover (that i MADE FOR D AND NOT ME!!!) that was an empty 180cal, then i had a mini candy bar....let me share how THESE ENDED UP IN MY HOUSE!
D brought them home in a small goodie bag for me....there are, were 4 kit kats, whoppers (dont care for them), a reeses cup and a hershey bar. Knew I would be excited since i adore Kit Kats......
so, ok, i had the reeses cup, and two small chocolate chip cookies, took a bath, came back out and i had a pint glass of wheat chex, with milk and sugar...then i had a headache so i laid down on the couch, vowing not to eat and here comes D with the chile cheese fritos....so, of course i had to have some of those, so i got up and got a Mt Dew as well.........OMG Gina she is out of control!!!! I had something else in there that I cant recall, probably blocking it out......but its not something i had to have....I had half of the Mt Dew and gave him the rest and only had a few fingers full of chips.
I finally had to get to bed at 930 to keep my #%@&! out of the kitchen and the food out of my mouth. MAN ALIVE, im totaly out of control.
I was down yesterday because i sent MJ with my dad on thursday. She couldnt wait to get out of here and it made me feeel utterly #%@&!. I almost cried. I am worried about our low money, the propane, and firewood we need (together over 500$) and the holidays coming up....holidays bring me down in the dumps every year. Its sad and I dont know why it happens, but i always crash. Maybe the cold weather, the short days? who knows? Today is halloween, I was debating goin up to see MJ at my folks house, getting her dressed up so i can take pictures, cuz my folks are incapable of taking pics with their digital camera then uploading them......they are so not technically inclined and i tend to stress trying to explain them again and again...lol.....so, anyway, i was debating that, but i went back to bed at 7 and slept till 9 or so, if not for the dogs wanting to get up i would have slept longer i am sure. Got up, weighed in and dove into two cups of coffee with milk and sugar, havent called my folks, have barely spoken to D at all (we often talk via text thru his work days)....and i am cranky and snappy. I dont know if I should go anywhere. I fear that since i have a few bucks in my pocket, i would stop at the fast food places between here and there and really blow it. Therby making me feel even worse.... :(
I dont know what is wrong with me. I am a mental case and I obsess over food. I think about it all the time, like guys think about sex! lol.....
and as for you and the bf, glad you had a nice day, hopefuly there will be more! You didnt say you lived with mom! WOW! that is tough. For a period of time, i was engaged to J back when i was 24-26....and we both lived at my folks house. He was a patho liar, and so he snowed my folks and me very well, and was fun so my mom adored him, he pulled the fast ones all the time, and though our lviing there wasnt great, it was never stressed. I am sorry you have to deal with this. Your man is a mamas boy, you either have to deal with it, get around it, or get away from him and find someone independent of mom. I dont know what will get her to see you differently, unless you really start to kick it up a notch in terms of the house and the meals.....moms usually are very picky. I dont know what D's mom would say about me. I take excellent care of him, his house, his things etc...I am a caretaker to say the least. I do everything with love and his sister sees it, dad sees it, so i think i would be ok....but then, that is something i do have in me. My mom raised me right, I jsut didnt know it till I was here. :) And, again, I am 35. When i was 24 I was a mess, and all the moms in the relationships I had worried because I didnt have my #%@&! in line, I wasnt going in a direction that was good....so no wonder none of them regarded me as much except a sweet girl. I may have well been invisible and they were ALL MOMMYS BOYS. My mom never regarded any of them as long term in my world, looking back now, she maybe thought Ruben and Joe may have had potential but R's sister was like his mom and hated me and kept us separated with mundane unbelievable excuses like cars breaking down etc.....and he was alwyas her hero and Joe, well as i said he was a patho liar and once we saw it, that was a done deal....but not before i went bankrupt, surrendered my beloved seadoo jetski, a car and about 43,000 in debt credit....all due to trusting him. :( it was a sad angry pathetic time for me.
ok, enough of the past. Girl you have to set your place with your bf, esp with the mom. What is his take on how she treats you? is he on her side, neutral, or does he stick up for you? You have to find where you stand with him in order to know where you can get with her. He has to see you care about him, his welfare, and yours as a couple. Stop eating out so much, unless you literally share her kitchen in which, i would either start trying to find a place for the two of you, or i would try to integrate the meal where you all eat together, or you eat at totally separate times, and you clean the kitchen when you are done, leave it sparkling and she should be speechless.
I am going to try to get my #%@&! in gear today. what should i do? go up to the folks, or stay here, make myself work out and try not to eat?????
Last edited on 31 October 2009 05:35 pm by BJD74
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Beatlesgirl
New Member
| Joined: | 17 September 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 85 |
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Posted: 3 November 2009 09:42 pm |
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Thank you for researching hair loss for me, I think its due to stress and lack of iron, I should have my blood tested but I have a terrible fear of needles! Yes I do share the kitchen with her but I eat at diferent times to her, well sunday as a bad day, I screamed, I cried, I pushed, I absolutely cried every tear that I had in my body and I felt so alone. I argued with my bf and we both said terrible things to eachother, everything true, but the truth hurts doesn´t it? I absolutely slated his mother, father, sister and it was good because we got everything out. We were breaking up and all I could do was cry, then something changed, and suddenly we started being nice to one another. And yesterday and today I felt like his more on my side, more lovely dovey, each one trying not to start an arguement. His father has his car getting mended so he needs to use my bf´s car (mini cooper-very expensive-still paying it), and his mum and dad just dont take care of it, we hoovered it and the next day they had it messy, and they are using all the petrol without paying for any petrol, and as my bf is on the dole until they ring him from his work, so hes not working and we are being more careful with money becuase I dont work either. So yes we are trying to eat out less becuase that was costing him, and hes trying to smoke less also.
Well on sunday (the day of the arguement) I argued that his parents would go and spend 300euros on food and not buy even one single carton of skimmed milk, they know that I dont drink full fat milk (It has 3 times more calories than skimmed and I´m not going to drink that) and theyd buy loads and loads of cakes chocie all fattening foods and nothing healthy, so all week I´ve been having only a glass of juice for breakfast, I dont know how I coped, and at nigt I get hungry, there has been no healthy food so ive simply been eating fat foods. Well today my bf went and bought me low fat yogourt, milk, cereal and beans. So at least with that I´ll be able to eat proper breakfasts and have low fat snacks.
Write soon x
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 4 November 2009 05:37 pm |
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oi!~ it sounds like you two have cleared the air, as for the parents, well, they are parents, they consider your being there their gift to you in terms of helping you with food, choices, etc. The car is a bummer, but hey, if we as kids needed a car, they would lend theirs. My dad isnt neat either, esp with his car. When we first got back to talking, i was at their house, he needed to get something at store around corner for a project he was working on, so he asked if he could use mine since it was out of the gate already..I cringed inside because my dad has a heavy foot, he isnt as caring as i....but when he came back to ask me how to get into reverse i laughed and showed him and let him go. Came back with a full tank. :) that is how my dad is. He may be sloppy but he will fill the tank. My parents always give when they can, but it wasnt that way when my exfiance and i lived there. Sure, there was food, we all ate together. He and I didnt have money to buy our own separate food, I wasnt dieting at all, it just was what it was. Not working has to be tough on ALL OF YOU!.......is there any reason in particular that you arent working? It would be so nice for you personally to have some money for your own food, and it would show them you are trying to be grown up responsible etc. :)
as for me, made it thru the weekend. we went to the family birthday at the pizza place on sunday, the pizza was only ok, and i had waited all day to eat. At first it tasted ok then really ooey gooey.....so i didnt do terribly bad that day after all. Before we got home, i dragged D out to Tome Hill and we took the hike up the mountain. I had on flats! It was crazy! LOL...but i wanted to get that workout in, its such a good burn in the lungs you know? lol
monday, was ok too...my calories are super high but the workouts (at least i tell myself) are keeping me in the 1500-1900 calories a day. I havent weighed yet since Saturday. I will be weighing in on Friday. I got myself Mounds bars at the walmart the other day, on clearance after Halloween. Sick to buy them, they are delicious. I love love love them. Yesterday i had like 5 or 6! They are snack bars and dark chocolate with coconut. It could be a lot worse! lol...part of me wants to eat them all and be done with them, the other part just wants to eat them slowly and enjoy.....BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO THAT!
Yesterday i jogged in place for 30 min, fast slow and in between, and then 15 min of walking, kicks, etc....it was ok. I havent done a video since saturday. My heel is hurting from yesterdays jogging, or the hike up the lava rock hill in flats with no support may have done it too!!! I am not motivated this week to work out. NOT A GOOD THING.
I am trying to relax and have quiet time since MJ isnt here. She will be back on Thursday. I went back to sleep today, i think i slept another hour total....between dogs stepping on me and my tossing and turning, and teh time change has totally thrown me for a loop. I am tired at 930 and cant get my butt up at 630! ArGH!
We are broke. We get paid on friday, and have about 1000 that needs to get paid, he got about 93 hours....so god hopes that we have enough to pay it all and get thru the next two weeks.
I hear you about trying to save and not eat out, but when there isnt much to cook, who wants to stay home and eat something untasty? When I am lazy, I dont want to cook. Like Sunday, we had the pizza outing, then hiked, then came home and i didnt want to cook for him. My dad had given us some pocket cash, and i said i wanted the taco salad from wendys. He ended up eating arbys, but i had to take the drive into town to get it all. I didnt mind, it was better than eating at home. Some days its just how i feel. I ended up having half the salad sunday, then just yesterday i had the other half for lunch.
My goal for today, eat right, if i have to snack, go for the fruit that i have sitting out pretty in a basket. I am doing ok not eating late at nite, having the teas and water. BUT I AM STILL THINKING ABOUT FOOD ANYWAY!!!
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Beatlesgirl
New Member
| Joined: | 17 September 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 85 |
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Posted: 4 November 2009 09:51 pm |
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Hola!
Well I´m always thinking about food too, but I try to have a yogourt or something not so bad. Bit disapointed, I went to weigh myself and instead of 54,4 pounds I´m 55. I suppose its not that big of a deal but I thought I would have gone down quite a bit because I was eating less all week (with the juice and thats it for brekkie). Well now I´m having cereal for breakfast and its the best thing!
Want to try and get some exercise in but I´m just toooo lazy! I need motivation
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MhartUF
New Member
| Joined: | 5 November 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 2 |
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Posted: 6 November 2009 04:46 am |
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Hi ladies,
I have never visited this forum and I just stumbled upon it tonight while browsing the internet. Anyways, I read through all of your posts and got a good feel for both of your situations. I had a few opinions on a couple things though.
BeatlesGirl: I am not sure I understand your situation, I think you are 22-24ish, unemployed and living at your boyfriends mom's house? Where is his father? (divorced parents, together etc). How long have you and your boyfriend been together? I ask because those details will help me better understand the situation, but based on what I am assuming - you moved in with your boyfriend, without either of your discussing it with his mom (the homeowner), you do not contribute to bills and you complain about the food she buys you? In addition, while complaining about the food someone else if providing you (for free), you and your boyfriend eat out often (both financially draining and un-healthy based on your food choices), instead of contributing to groceries at the house or other bills? First, the reason his mom does not like you, is you do not make an effort in her house or actively contribute or appear appreciative. Secondly, you moved into her home (1) either without her permission or (2) hestitantly she allowed it because your boyfriend pressured it. I may be wrong but based on your postings it does not sound like she had much say or is happy with the current living situation.
Also, the reason you and your boyfriend fight so much is your insecurity, and you are displacing your being upset with the relationship the two of you are having onto food, and the cycle continues. I do not know him so I cannot pass judgement on him as a person, but he sounds like he does not support your chioces or act in a way that is considerate of what you want. If he is always bringing you to fast food places then that is not helping you with bettering yourself, and him - being skinny/thin does not mean you are healthy.
I also think that, and this may sound weird - but I have watched/read a lot of eating disorder information. You could be malnurised and that is why your hair is falling out. From the sounds of it you are so preoccupied with being "thin" or "skinny" and "calorie counting" and "quantity obessed" rather than "healthy" or "eating balanced". When I read what you wrote I think about (1) how wrong you are if you think Wendy's taco salads are healthy: http://dietfacts.com/html/nutrition-facts/wendys-salads-taco-supremo-salad-with-chips-sour-cream-and-salsa-iceberg-romaine-tomatoes17446.htm ) Yeah, it has 600 calories, but 34 grams of fat (way more than half of what you should have in a day) and more importantly 15 grams of SATURATED FAT. Ugh! (2) you should focus on eating balanced, eating big breakfasts (500-600 calories) and shooting for smaller dinners. I have lost 15 pounds, only minimally exercising & still drinking alcohol 2-3x a week [I am only 24!], just by eating a big breakfast, a 100-150 calorie snack mid-day (I call it my second breakfast), a healthy lunch, a mid-day snack (100-150 calories) and a moderate dinner.
My last observation is that both of you ladies are enabling each other. Instead of using this is a supportive tool in your getting healthy quest, both of you "act badly" (bla bla) and the clear your conscience because you confess here. Instead of doing activities that would guarentee success you both continue doing the same things, putting yourselves in the same situations, allowing the same behavior choice time-and-time again and expect something to change. I believe it was Elbert Einstein that said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."
I will leave you both with a few great tips I have learned to keep the pounds off.
1. When I want to snack I chew gum - Trident and other brands have some flavorful kind that taste like candy, and it keeps your mouth active.
2. I either drink crystal light (5 calories) or I make crystal ligh popscicles by freezing it, putting the ice cubs in my drinks.
3. Brush your teeth and put on a clay face mask
4. be active everyday, 15-20 mins walk really add up.
5. plan your meals. I do and I make it a challenge to make healthy, delicious things & then instead of feeling unsatisfied with meals I feel full and proud of myself (and look forward to them!).
What I ate today:
-First Breakfast: Instant carnation breakfast mixed with non-fat milk. (It is like a slim-fast, basically a liquid drink powder (chocholate) with just nutrients/vitamins in it).
Calories: 150
Fat: 0
Iced coffee, 2 splenda
Calories: 20
Fat: 0
-Second breakfast: Special K snack bar - chocholate pretzel
Calories - 90
Fat: 2
- Lunch: Hummus/cucumber slices, small mozz. cheese/tomato salad, grilled chicken w/ provolone sandwich.
Calories: (guestimate: 350)
Fat: 15
-Snack:
Non-fat pomegranite and cranberry yogurt
Calories: 100
Fat: 0
- Dinner:
Grilled, skinless chicken breast, small poritions: Max & Cheese, Mashed Potatoes Gravy
Calories: 450
Fat: 10
Total: Around 1300 calories and 28 grams fat
I hope this helps, shows what a balanced days eating looks like, and shows you how MUCH you can eat and enjoy and it be healthy.
This was a looong post - sorry. Just thought you might like an outsiders perspective.
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 6 November 2009 06:14 pm |
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hello M.
thanks for your input. I always appreciate another persons thoughts on how to get thru some of my days. this particular post is about binge eating, and yes we digress and share our thoughts with one another. Your take on our situations is good, and yes, you could say that maybe we are enabling one another in some ways, but honestly i dont think so. I do believe that our coming here and sharing is a way for US to heal from the habits we have. I dont have bad days every day, some days are horrible some are wonderful where i dont have anything "bad" or unhealthy...but given that alot of the folks on this site are stress, overeaters, emotional eaters etc...i think we do each other a service to not beat each other up, to do the tough love roles on one another all the time because in some ways for some people that can also trigger eating issues. You seem to have a grasp on your eating troubles, if you have them, which it doesnt sound like you do. You seem to have a wonderful grasp on what you like to have and your focus is not having fat, perhaps ours is not that concern in particular.
i realize also that the taco salad at wendys is not perfect, however I break my meal out into two meals, i do not eat it at one time. For me, if I am eating out, that is not a bad choice, esp if i can get two meals out of it. I am also familiar with many of the items in your daily plate and i use them often. Please see that this particular thread is focused on binge eating that would be the things that are not good or healthy or supposed to be big parts of our diets. You are only seeing one side of our daily struggles, achievements etc on this thread. :)
I myself appreciate being able to share here, to listen and learn from others on this site. My outlet where I live is limited and not all the people in my life are concerned with losing weight, nor do I wish to share all my feelins with people here with me. I am grateful to have a place to "vent" if you will about food, and yeah, sure we all fall off, but i try to be good each day, i dont get up saying ok, today i will eat candy bars all day. Triggers thru the day get me to that point. I come here to share to try to get to the bottom of habits, situations etc and i try to improve on them. Its just not as easy for me, or Beatles for that matter, or heck anyone else on this site. I have a friend on here who has quit smoking, and as a result has gained and is trying to get her mind back on track. Its not easy. I dont think that the conscious is ever clear for any of us. I think that food is a poison for alot of us and its terrible but we are working thru it in a way that works for us. Call it enabling, call it supporting, call it whining and excusing ourselves, but please realize that we have a problem that isnt solved overnite and its not gonna be perfect overnite if ever. To be able to come here and admit that i eat in the kitchen hiding out is not something i brag or share with anyone, but to come here and share it is helping me, maybe not all the time, but MOST of the time and that is the best i can ask of myself right now. And I dont think Beatles would disagree with me. I also think that we do a lot of encouraging in terms of getting exercise, cooking at home, cleaning the house etc....i think we both do just as much supporting and encouraging of healthy habits as well.
I am glad you have things in control! Good For You! Thanks again for your input! Please remember that what may work for you simply may not work for someone else, but sharing our thoughts ideas opinions on this site with each other hopefully will provide enough information for all of us to find what works for each of us in our own times! God Bless!
Last edited on 6 November 2009 06:17 pm by BJD74
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MhartUF
New Member
| Joined: | 5 November 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 2 |
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Posted: 6 November 2009 06:25 pm |
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Hi BJD74
I agree with your sentiment and I definitely agree that different people have different isuses regarding their approach to food and how their relationship with food. I also agree this forum is a wonderful outlet to express private feelings without having to feel bashful, ashamed or judged. However, I think there is a difference between clinging to an identity of having a bad-relationship with food and choosing to not make an effort to strive towards gaining control of your life. I very much admire the sincerity the both of you show each other and definitely can recognize a genuine friendship, but you both are not doing either of you any favors by not telling the truth. I wish you both the best, and hope only future successes in life - both in caloric conquering and personal happiness. I think you are both very nice ladies, and from the sounds of it in odd-emotional places, but you should stick to trying to do what is healthy. Make it more of a priority, hold eachother accountable rather than sweep it under the rug when the same eating downfalls occur. Just my two-cents. Have a terrific weekend
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 6 November 2009 07:09 pm |
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hello M,
i guess maybe i am not sure how you see us as allowing each other to continue in our bad ways? i dont think i spare many feelings in telling beatles how i feel about her situation and honestly its not my place to make her be good each day. All I feel that we can do for each other is say its ok, and you can do it again tomorrow, start out on the right feet and move forward. I try every day to eat right and be strong, but its just not that easy. Being in a difficult place is the definition of trying to lose weight in a world that encourages overeating at every turn, junk around each aisle, commercials focused on food food food.
Its hard enough to beat ourselves up inside our minds so forgive me if i allow her to vent and feel badly without my giving her grief too! Let alone myself! I do my darnest each day to eat right and i am fully capable of eating right and have done it for the last few years overall...with weak days of course, heck even weak weeks for that matter!! Right now, i have two other people in my house i have to consider who dont eat the fish, the veggies of all varieties etc, and we manage a house as well so to buy all the things i adore that are excellent sources of nutrition is physically impossible and i concede and therefor sometimes consume. Myself I am not clinging to any identity, i dont know who i will be at the end of the journey or somedays who i am now as i am changing. I am working thru my past each day, i am undoing the damage done over the last 30 years, by my own doing, by being a latch key kid who didnt have guidance in how to eat after school etcetcetc....i have learned much in my years and i am learning more each day. I am not attempting to cling onto anything except how to not hate myself for having a problem with food.
I do not think you have a problem with food based on your confident statements and knowledge, and I think that you should be careful coming here and telling us we enable each other. Supporting when times are tough in my mind is not enabling, its loving them unconditionally. Choosing whether or not to tell them they are terrible people or not strong enough, or incapable of making good choices etc is up to each of us to do for ourselves, to ourselves and to others depending on the situation, should we be so bold in this virtual world.... I can only choose what i put into my mouth each moment. I can only encourage others to eat better, to exercise harder etc, but i cant do it for them.
Its like a favorite actor of mine once said in a movie......"honey, we are alcoholics, we generally have a good enough time hurting ourselves, so we tend not to hurt one another" Or something to that effect.
sorry if i get defensive but the thing i like about this site is that we can share, we can be honest, we can beat ourselves up more than enough, and sometimes others beat us up too...but i dont feel that any of us enable each other. I grew up around enablers and yes, i am guilty of being one before, but i dont see that here. I think we give each other the tough love in our own ways without making each other feel bad becausse we make ourselves feel badly enough on our own. Some may not really want to change, and you see they disappear from here, give up if you will, but if you have been here as long as i have, you can see that folks are genuinely caring, supportive, toughed love as they come and i doubt any of the people i regularly talk too would call any one of us enablers.
good thing we are all entitled to our own opinions! :) its really hard for me to speak up without feeling badly about it, and i am 35 years old..it just shows you how long i have gone without having confidence in my own words without regretting them. i still have doubts some days, but we only live once right? i appreciate your input again and its ok if we dont necessarily agree. That is what makes us unique.
Good Luck and have a nice weekend!
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 9 November 2009 09:32 pm |
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Beatles Girl....baby where are you? are you ok? please dont let one persons opinion of how we communicate on here keep you away from posting your feelings ok? I have heard from some of our friends on here who agree with how we all communicate so we are ok, just come back. DOnt give up!
As for me, I am doing ok right now! I need to thank M for making me so upset because it has spurred me considerably...SO THANKS M!
Friday, good day, had some sweets but i alotted for it thru the rest of the day by watching what i ate and getting in a 5 mile workout!
Saturday, more sweets but not too bad. It was our anniversary and D brought me a snickers and a dozen roses...lol....he knows what i love! So, we didnt cook, we treated MJ and us to Dominos. I loved the breadsticks more than the pizza. I am definately changin the things i like as I dont have them as often, which is great. Not that i have ever been a big dominos fan, just pizza in general. SO i only had two pizzas for a total of 300 calories. No soda. No dressing to dip it. I enjoyed my snickers and it was my last snack after dinner. :) I also did my 4 mile super challenge that felt great!
Sunday D was very sick and we took him to urgent care. He has a virus that basically swelled his glands so badly that he lost the ability to talk! and to eat! It was scary!!!!!! So, we left MJ with my folks again, and that is best since he is contagious for the first 48 hrs. I hope I dont get it. So, we didnt eat alot, we were busy out getting prescriptions etc and he only wanted a shake. So, of course i was starving by 4pm and I ended up getting a junior whopper and onion rings with a chocolate shake. Ate that stuff fast on the way home and had only 12 oz of my shake once i got home. I measured it out so i wouldnt have too much because I know how bad the calories are. I just wanted a taste. :) At my folks earlier I had some almond joys snack bars leftover from halloween but that was all i had eaten ALL DAY. Wasnt gonna kill me. After I got D settled etc in the evening I did my 2 mile walk/kickboxing video with my hand weights.
Weighed in at 158 today. I was 161 last saturday so I am very happy that I am going down. :)
Today has been another super charged excellent day, he is talking better today but still a whisper... :( Poor baby. We got alfalfa for the horses, 10 bales total and each weighed 130pds more or less, and I helped him put all of them away. Then I scooped the poo, cleaned the corral basically, then we worked on firewood, moving it to the back porch, so that was another 3 wheelbarrows that i walked about .25 mile one way. Then while he was napping I got in my 2.5mile walk/jog! :) Whoo Hoo! And also, I wanted to say that I had the 2nd part of my wendys taco salad and have enough left for yet ONE MORE MEAL!....so thats a record for me for making a meal stretch! I got 3 meals out of one meal! :) Very cool!
Beatles, please let me know how you are!!!! :)
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 12 November 2009 04:16 pm |
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last nite i did ok, but i was very tempted to eat...eat...eat.....esp because D was eating after dinner. He is still getting his appetite back, and we had homemade soup for dinner so he munched till 930. I resisted overall, I had a handful of chewy gobstoppers that i had gotten for MJ, clearance candy from halloween. I had two cups of hot tea and water and a few almonds but nothing else.
i did alot yesterday activity wise, kept pretty busy, then i did my 2mile fast walk with my stretchie band. :) overall a good day!
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Beatlesgirl
New Member
| Joined: | 17 September 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 85 |
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Posted: 13 November 2009 06:16 pm |
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Hi BJ, im sorry that I havent posted, ive been a bit unwell, i dont know why but the other day I woke up with headaches and felt like throwing up, in a month ive got an appointment with a hair specialist and he´´ll tell me whats wrong with my hair!
Haven´t really been eating much these days, and a thing that really anoyed me was that I made my signature chicken soup only to find that two days later his mum had thrown it away, ok people tell me that maybe she thought it had gone off, but it was my soup, and I should have been the judge of that. I feel really unhappy about what that woman has been posting about, i am not a waste of space in the house, i get up early everymorning and clean the house with no appretiation from her, and i didnt just land myself on the front step, I asked for permission, and maybe its not the best arrangement but I was having a very bad time at that moment being bullied by my mothers new husband and being bullied at school for being a swot. yes I want my own home, but there are no jobs here in mallorca, things are really bad and I get so despressed about things, i want my own money, i want to be able to pay for my own things, even tampons!
Well I didnt like the way she said that we weren´t honest or something like that, honesty is what this site is all about, and BJ, yes, yo do help me very much, you dont criticise me but try to give me your opinion and help. No im not paynig the bills becuase im 19years old and I dont have any money. And I moan about food because i want to loose weight and the house is full of unhealthy #%@&!, sometimes I go without food because I dont want to have the fried disgusting #%@&! thats in the fridge.
Well on a happier note, my mum is coming to visit me at the end of the month, she will be staying in my aunties boat so I will see her in the day. It saddens me becuase she is having a tough time too, her husband cant find work and she earns a pitance, and they have so many bills and my little brother to look after. Tomorrow im going out for tea with a bunch of friends (they are all boys-but it doesnt matter, at least ill be getting out of the house for a while). last night i was really lovely dovey with my bf and he gave me loads of kisses, but its one day good other day bad.
I´m reading a good book at the moment its called no angel, its really interesting. yesterday i went for a light jog, it nearly killed me! i will try to do some situps in the morning, i would really love a toned belly. And im not obsessed with being thin, i love my food, and anyone who knows me would tell you that I am the first person to choose a salad ina restaurant, many times weve gone out as a foursome and the three of them would be there with their double cheese burger and fries and me there with a salad, but thats how I am. I do indulge sometimes and i dont write about it here to clear it, nothing wil change what happens after you put that chocolate in your mouth, but I like beinga ble to share my feelings with you BJ, I mean seriously, I can tell my mother that im watching what I eat but she doesnt like me loosing weight. Most people think that this loosing weight stuff is like a mental disease and that I´m completely mad, I dont think so, I just want to feel happy in my own skin.
One day we will get there BJ, I´m really happy that I can talk to you and that you dont judge me. Speak soon xxx
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 14 November 2009 02:57 pm |
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beatles baby, you are so young. i couldnt imagine living with my boyfriend when i was 19. Sure, I had one, we were (or i thought) pretty tight, but still...i needed mom and dad, I was goin to the junior college 3 days a week and working the other 4 part time. It was a good time in my life, but it was hectic. There is no better feeling that being able to provide at least some cash for yourself. Where do you live? How about a coffee shop? or a store even, just something that you can clear your mind, get some focus on YOU and growing for YOU. I am sorry things are so tough, we are in a small town too...but we do have shops, we do have the grocery stores, we do have places for folks to work, but my being 35, well, i dont know if I would just go to any of the places and apply for a job. Oddly enough I am considering in the fall when i get MJ started in Kindergarten that I may look for something very part time so that I dont become a couch potato. LOL......I do have a lot of responsibilities here at home, and I may find that I really dont want to be somewhere else when I am needed at home but right now, with money so tight the idea is tempting. I would only be able to go from 930am till 230pm, so odds are slim I can find something I COULD ENJOY and LIKE MYSELF DOING IN THIS SMALL TOWN. D may not be keen on it either because I would be doing all the stuff I do in the daytime after I get home, and is it necessary to make a small check and stretch my time? D would say NO! Stay home and be the mom you want to be!
Anyway, time will tell about that area of my life.
I know we dont harm each other in our sharing and helping on here. I was so worried about you! If I were there, I would go out with you and help you find something to do! :) I am glad you will see your mom soon! Yesterday, I had taken MJ to her next dentist appt, and well, so there she is in the chair, the dr is doing her thing and so i go to pee and when i get back the dr is telling me that MJ was uncorroporative. I could have cried because of course her tone gave me all indications that MJ was the one being bad, but the look on MJs face was scared child not rebellious child. BUt, the dr told me how she hasnt sent anyone away in so long, how she takes care of 2,3, 4 and 5 year olds that dont behave as she did. I CANT BELIEVE SOMETHING HAPPENED AND I MISSED IT!? I was so upset with MJ, totally peeved but then, I ran to mom and dad because I didnt know how to take this negative about my kid. My kid is a hand full but she is smart, she is brave, she is strong....and she was very excited for this appt. So, anyway, after talking to them, I started to think over what the dr said to me, how the other kids didnt do this, how 4yr olds just dont listen and she said that right to MJ, then she calls her uncoroporative? That was soo unprofessional. It ruined my day, I got upset with my baby girl for something that I am sure was not all her fault. The dr told her to close her eyes, to pretend the light was the sun and to open her mouth, she wasnt creative about it, she didnt say let me see how pretty you are when your eyes are closed, or can i see your pretty teeth, will you open your mouth? she had no treats or stickers for her as the last guy did, it just sucked. It made for us a tough day. I wont be taking her back there, we were referred to a PEDIATRIC dentist who does nothing but kids, whereas the place we went is a clinic.
Its gone and done, but its left its mark. What a negative experience. I pray that MJ wont be afraid to go the next time. Last nite, D was so great, he sat with me while i told him all the things that dr said to me and MJ most imporantly. He also said that drs and patients dont always fit, that sometimes they clash and perhaps MJ coughed, or she moved just a bit, or the dr was having a bad day, etcetc....but no worries because she is our baby girl and she will get the right dentist. Then, he went and sat with her and they talked about it, she asked him to go to the next appt with us. Its the week of Christmas, the 21st. So he is off, oddly enough.....I am pleased he was asked and he said of course he would go with her. She will be fine. Its me who took it sooo personally.
Somehow though, I didnt dive into food. Yesterday I weighed myself here at home, it was 162!~ i COULD HAVE CRIED!...then, at the dentist office it was 155 (the same as it was 2 weeks ago when we went and at home that day I was 158).....then today, i weighed in here again and it was 161.6! I dont get it. I havent eaten late at nite alot of this week, my calories have been down. the only thing i can figure is maybe the birth control pills, the YAZ i am taking for my PCOS and PMDD.....i am in the first week of a new pack, and possibly it has something to do with that. Lord, I just want 155 at home on my scale here...
UGH! Is it going to get easier for us? :)
It has too!!!! Big Hug and feel better!! What about school? can you apply for financial aid to go to school part time? Go Look for a job, dont worry about the type of job, just take a day and hit the streets. #%@&!, even a McD's wouldnt bad just to get you some cash in your pocket for your tampons! LMAO! :) Youre so funny beatles! :)
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 21 November 2009 06:31 pm |
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hey beatles, how ya doin? i had a pretty decent week actually, short of thursday when i went shopping for my moms birthday with my dad. ended up eating out twice that day, so my calories were super high! but i am back on a good track now and havent had any real binges this week, i did eat after dinner last nite, but i am not sure why except that i wanted to taste honecombs again...lol....i took a handful out of the bag one at a time and put it into a 1/2 cup of milk and munched standing in the kitchen. At least I didnt pull out the big bowl and go nuts! lol....i love honeycombs!
so far today i havent had much, just some oatmeal and a little coffee. my grama went into the hospital yesterday, she is unresponsive and on a ventilator machine helping her to breathe. Her heart is really tired, her one kidney is working just barely and we arent sure what the outcome will be. I am doing my best not to worry. Its just a touch and go situation.
i hope you are doing well this week and have a smile on your face..how are things going?? :)
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