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desperategirl
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 Posted: 15 June 2009 12:12 pm
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Weigh in this morning was 165.75lb. That is actually good, as over my period, even with counting cals, I fluctuated all the way upto 168.

Kind of feeling like I want to try moderate eating instead of obssesive calorie counting. It has worked for me before, just letting go and trying to eat normally. My problem is, I'm either dieting or binging. Really. It's either obssesively thinking about every calorie, or, well, actually, obssesively thinking about every calorie, but trying to ram as many in as possible before i deprive myself.

For this week, I will try an experiement: I will set some broad outlines that I should follow, try not to count calories, and see how my weight fares. If I don't lose a single pound, I'll go back to counting calories. Otherwise, I will continue.

My guidelines are:

Do not eat unless hungry.

Try to make generally healthy but satisfying choices.

Do some exercise every day - even if it's only walking.

I will see how it goes. I have to try and stop my mind obsessing over food constantly.

desperategirl
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 Posted: 15 June 2009 12:12 pm
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Weigh in this morning was 165.75lb. That is actually good, as over my period, even with counting cals, I fluctuated all the way upto 168.

Kind of feeling like I want to try moderate eating instead of obssesive calorie counting. It has worked for me before, just letting go and trying to eat normally. My problem is, I'm either dieting or binging. Really. It's either obssesively thinking about every calorie, or, well, actually, obssesively thinking about every calorie, but trying to ram as many in as possible before i deprive myself.

For this week, I will try an experiement: I will set some broad outlines that I should follow, try not to count calories, and see how my weight fares. If I don't lose a single pound, I'll go back to counting calories. Otherwise, I will continue.

My guidelines are:

Do not eat unless hungry.

Try to make generally healthy but satisfying choices.

Do some exercise every day - even if it's only walking.

I will see how it goes. I have to try and stop my mind obsessing over food constantly.

desperategirl
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 Posted: 29 October 2009 02:51 pm
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So...back again!

Mmmmm, since June when I last posted, I have been...EATING!!! That's right. I'm upto 178lbs. Haven't been that big for a long while.

The problem is, I had a few changes on in life. I am unemployed, and finding it really hard to find a job. Even really cra*&y ones have hundreds of people applying.

I was kind of getting to the point where getting out of bed was hard, and even the idea of the supermarket was freaking me out. I've been depressed before, and now I know the signs, I try to avoid it. Went to the supermarket yesterday, and felt like I'd really achieved something. Which is pretty lame.

It's hard to get motivated, but I'm trying to infuse myself with motivation, but I'm trying to fake it.

So, I have this book - "Skinny Chicks Don't Eat Salad." It seems ok. It is cutting out about 500 calories a day, but it's also about always balancing meals - always having a protein with a carb. This morning I had two rashers of bacon, low fat soft cheese, a multi-grain bagel and tomato (plus a cup of decaff coffee):

calories 450
carbs 48g
protein 29g

Yikes. Not really kept a good tally there. Must write stuff down better. Anyway, the book recommends around 400 calories for a meal, but I think this is a good start. I'm meant to eat every three hours, and eat four meals.
One of my meals is definitely going to be lower in calories though.

Here's the meal plan for the day:

Bacon bagel 450 cals
Chicken wrap 400 cals
greek yog with fruit 200 cals
spaghetti with turkey sauce 500 cals

That's a total of 1550, which as a calorie count is fine, but totally doesn't match what the book says. Arghhhhhh. I guess this is one of the reasons it took so long to get my #%@&! in gear and start - the numbers confuddle me!

Ok, so for today, I will have the numbers all mixed up, but get a good mix of healthy carbs (they are all brown) and protein.

I'll report back with the actual tallies. Must plan tomorrow better.

I also have alli diet pills to give the whole thing a boost. I'll let you know if they work.

I would like to lose 3lbs this week, as it's the first week. I will be walking briskly for about an hour later today.

desperategirl
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 Posted: 30 October 2009 11:26 pm
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176.5lb this morning. that's good - a pound and a half of water weight gone since yesterday. that's pretty good, especially given that yesterday started really well, then descended into cookie/potato chip eating mayhem. similar today - breakfast was healthy, lunch was huge, calories are on track at about 1600 (will stop for the day now) but am not being strict enough with carbs/protein ratios and eating every four hours and that kind of thing. Oh well. it's kind of hard to have a life (was socialising) and compose perfect meals. I guess the way forward is probably to count calories, spread out meals, eat quite often, and try and eat protein and carbs together.

also, drink water. helped loads with water retention yesterday.

although i weighed in today, i will try and refrain from doing so until after the weekend.

bought green tea supplements. also nettle tea - supposed to help your insides.

today was good in terms of being realistic - i went for a big restaurant meal (about 850 cals) but ate a solid balanced breakfast, and didn't eat loads of pringles and chocolate cause I had a burger.

a deficit is good enough. every time i have aimed for perfection, i have failed, so i will aim to have a deficit, and hit the small goals i outlined.

desperategirl
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 Posted: 31 October 2009 01:49 pm
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176.5 again this morning. I wasn't going to weigh in, but couldn't help it. Now I really won't weigh in again until Monday, and from then on do weigh ins then. I don't know why, but it just feels like the right day to do it!

Good start this morning, with a bagel (wholemeal), half a litre of water and one alli pill.

My problem at the moment, and the reason I am quite happy with myself despite not doing great is that I have a friend staying over from abroad, and it's a friend with whom I EAT. That's what we do - EAT EAT EAT. Pizza, chocloate, crisps, sweets, everything just for the sake of it. So that's why I had a big lunch yesterday, but kept breakfast and everything else down - to kind of fit in with the socialising, but not put on any more pounds. Also, I did small stuff like get water instead of pepsi, and tea instead of a delicious creamy hot chocolate. Before, I would just think that I might as well go all out, but I will try and be moderate. I can't be perfect for the rest of my life, and I don't want to yo-yo, so must find a middle ground.

Having said that, I do want to shift the first 15 pounds as quick as healthily possible, as I feel HUGE. Also, I will be more strict when I'm not entertaining. Today will be an ok day.

Yesterday, I had to turn down chocolate and noodles. I wasn't hungry, and was getting slightly irritated that I had to really push to not buy noodles. I mean, we both need to lose a little weight, but this friend makes me feel bad when she is over, and I want to eat a bit healthier, like I'm imposing a starvation diet her cause I'm rude. But really, we ate a massive meal, I'm not being rude to not eatwhile I'm still stuffed, am I?

And it's hard to resist.

But I must.

I am rambling. Other news is: I decided (again) that even if my weight isn't low enough, I will still look better if I take care of my appearance. My skin is horrid at the moment, so I bought a couple of new products I'm using, and I have to wax my moustache (ha ha ha - it's not a full on tom selleck, but you know what I mean).

Last edited on 31 October 2009 01:51 pm by desperategirl

desperategirl
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 Posted: 2 November 2009 11:48 am
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So, despite my best laid plans, I went to the supermarket with the friend, and I kept saying I didn't want all this stuff, and she just insisted, and talked like I hadn't said anything, and bought all these muffins and stuff. I ended up just sort of going along with it, because it was easier. I ate stuff I didn't even particularly want. Then yesterday, again, I just sort of ate, I guess I had my old mentality of "I'll start on Monday," (today). Anyway, I ate like a hog, but when I weighed in this morning, I was down 1/4 of a pound, to 176.25. Pretty happy about that. I will be a little better today, and hopefully register another teeny loss tomorrow. But then I must stop looking at the scale. It can make or break my day.

Started of today with a delicious (ha ha) cup of nettle tea. Apparently it's cleansing my insides. It's recommended by the book I was reading.

Nothing else to report, except for that I can't help but constantly notice this extra fat. It's drowning my frame.

It's a new week, and I feel really optimistic my diet falling into place!

desperategirl
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 Posted: 3 November 2009 01:41 pm
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Yesterday was quite a good day in terms of eating. 

I had an awful moment of realisation though.  I went to try on a bra, and there was a three way mirror.  I caught sight of my back, and saw FOLDS of FAT.  Yeurchhh.  It was a real moment of awakening for me.

A few weeks ago, I spent all my time talking about how I was going to start being more healthy, all the while stuffing my face with pretty much every bit of unhealthy cr.ap I could find.  Sometimes, I didn't even particularly want something in, like, "quick, eat it while no-one's watching, before I start to diet."  How sad.

Anyway, so, a few weeks ago, I was around 160, and didn't doa nything about it, and here I am now in the late 170s, with an extra 15 pounds to lose.  Sigh.  Where did my motivation go? 

Anyway, I woke up this morning, a quarter of a pound heavier than yesterday, but that's just a freak thing - I had a deficit yesterday. 

I just worry - what if it's impossible for this body to lose weight?  In theory, I know all the rules, but do I have the motivation and patience?

I will scour this website for inspiration.  And remember the feeling of seeing that extra flesh on my back.

desperategirl
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 Posted: 3 November 2009 09:22 pm
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Just had dinner.  Today I had bacon bagel (500), greek yoghurt 0% fat with mandarin (175), a few sweets (75), cup of tea (30), tasted jambalaya while cooking it (a lot -200),
small chicken breast (100) stuffed with low fat cream cheese (50) flavoured with roasted pepper sauce (50), stuffed mushroom (160) and one courgette (50).  That's a total of 1390 at the moment.  I don't think I'll have much more tonight.

Guidelines I'm going to try and follow are:

Keep eating a good sized breakfast (500) with a good mix of protein and carbs and a vegetable.

Only 1 cup of coffee a day.

2 litres of water.

Only two servings of starchy (unrefined) carbs a day.

Dinner to be a protein with a vegetable.

That's enough to be worrying about at the moment, I think.  Oh, one last thing - no more than 1600 calories a day.

It's weird not having a large carbohydrate component to a meal - you get a weird saiety but you're not properly full.

Hoping to have dropped that quarter of a pound I put on!

desperategirl
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 Posted: 4 November 2009 11:46 am
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Weigh in this morning was 175.5. Can't wait to be out of the 170s!

I am currently unemployed, and looking for work. This gives me a lot of time to mope...but more recently it's given me a lot of time to go to the supermarket/plan meals/cook etc. In fact, I am trying to look at it like a blessing in disguise - by the time I get a job, I will have figured out great recipes, what works, what fills me up etc.

I found new bread yesterday - Food Doctor, which has huge slices, 101 cals per slice, over 5g protein per slice, and 4g fibre per slice. Sweet! I think I have exhausted my bacon/low fat cream cheese/tomato thing though. I find breakfast the hardest meal to organize. The bacon sandwich thing is a perfect mix of carbs, protein, fibre, it's low fat etc. Also, being the greedy guts I am, I like to know I have something tasty and filling in the morning - I just get too depressed if I have to shove down something gross. I will experiement with various egg options, but I'm not a big fan. It's quite hard to incorporate protein into breakfast.

I have approached this diet slightly differently - trying to make really delicious meals that I would enjoy even if I weren't dieting. Would enjoy, but don't, cause I'm too busy stuffing my face with junk.

I really can't wait til I'm out of the 170s. I think it might come off relatively quickly because it went on so quick, and is hopefully mostly water retention and bloat etc. I'm hoping that having just one portion of bread a day will help, I know a friend who finds that more bread definitely makes her expand.

Today I will walk for at least an hour - the best I can do without a gym! I am going to make chicken curry for lunch - maybe with couscous, as one serving is only 80 calories! Then...back to the grindstone of cvs.

Calories so far:

Bread 202
Bacon 101
Low fat cheese 50
Tomato 30
Coffee 30

Total 413

desperategirl
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 Posted: 4 November 2009 02:48 pm
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so freakin hungry today.

had breakfast (late) not long before midday, by half one I was hungry. I just ate a protein bar (239) and am still quite peckish. I keep thinking that maybe this is slightly empty feeling - not full, not really hungry is the way you're meant to feel? Like, I always STUFFED myslef to near nausea proportions before, so maybe that's why not being stuffed feels so alien. I always feel like I'm teetering on the brink of being hungry.

Total calories so far today are 652.

desperategirl
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 Posted: 4 November 2009 06:10 pm
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I am really overusing this place today, but it's a great sanctuary away from my cravings.  For a late lunch, I had a small chicken breast (120), with pre-prepared curry (130) and some cous-cous (150).  That makes a total of 400 for that meal, and 1052 for the day.  Oh, and a cup of coffee (broken my one cup rule) at 30 for a total of 1082.  Done about an hour's walking.

I still feel reallllllllly hungry though.  I had a couple of bits of sweets yesterday - well, a lollipop, but on the whole, I haven't had much sugar.  Today, I have only had veg, no fruit, and there wasn't any added sugar in my protein bar, so I think my ravaged body is screaming out for sugar.  I could bury myself in chocolate.  Mmmm banoffee pie.

I will not give in - I have this feeling that if I can conquer the massive sugar addiction somewhat, I will find it a lot easier to control my eating.

Not sure what I'll have tonight - I have a few healthy bits in the fridge to think about.

Still feel sodding hungry though.:angry:

desperategirl
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 Posted: 5 November 2009 01:13 pm
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Today's weigh in was 173.5lb.  That's quite a drop, and may well be dehydration, as I had a wee bit of a night last night.

In terms of my eating, I had a chorizo sandwich - I just wanted something really delicious, even if it did involve eating bread at night (only 1 slice).  The chorizo was 273 and the bread was 101.  I had a spoon of light mayo, which was 20.  That's 394 for a small but delicious meal.  Total calories for yesterday:  1476.

I do think I might be up again by tomorrow, but it's nice to see the numbers drop anyway.  It feels quite alien to be at this weight, and I can really feel and see all the changes, the extra rolls of flesh.  When I lean over to tie a shoelace I really feel my belly (I'm an apple shape).

I'm going to have some soup now with toast. 



desperategirl
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 Posted: 6 November 2009 01:06 pm
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Weighed in at 174 this morning.  That is 0.5lb up from yesterday, but I'm happy, cause I know yesterday's was low because of dehydration.

My heaviest weight was 178, so I'm four pounds down.  That's pretty good - it's all water retention etc, but it's good to see those numbers go down.

So yesterday, I had soup and toast (450) followed by coffee and an apple (100) two sugar free lollies (50) followed by more soup (I'm going through a delicious phase - 100) a cream cheese (low fat) sandwich (325) and a stuffed mushroom (130).  I also tried bit's of my boyf's dinner while cooking it (200).  That's a total of 1355.

I have been slacking on the protein here.  I genuinely felt very satisfied eating more carbs though.  Probably not great for my apple shaped tum.  

I might have a tuna sandwich - cram in some protein - with my soup.

desperategirl
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 Posted: 6 November 2009 11:04 pm
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Finished eating for the day.  I had soup (230) and a small can of tuna (63) and salad (40) for my first meal, then a bowl of porridge (270) with sugar/sweetener (30) and a cup of coffee (30).  For dinner, I went unhealthy and had a bacon sandwich with WHITE bread (actually wasn't as delicious as I thought!) and some low fat margerine (400) and a cup of coffee (30).  That's a total of 1093.

Tomorrow will be a higher day.  I must also revert back to some of my rules, which have lapsed in the pursuit of calorie counting.

Done ZERO exercise today.

Didn't have bad hunger pangs today.  I just had the sugar/sweetener mix (aside from the hidden sugar that was probably in the white bread and soup) and it's getting easier to manage my eating - maybe there's a link?

I will weigh in tomorrow, but I will start to try and cut down the weigh ins to once or twice a week after this first week.

I will have a day off this week - not crazy, just eating bigger meals of the same thing (NO refined sugar) just to boost my metabolism after all these deficits.

Oh man, I have so much respect for the people  who have stuck to this for months, even years.  This week has felt like an age.

desperategirl
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 Posted: 7 November 2009 02:09 pm
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weigh in this morning was 173.75 - which i'm happy with - almost down to my low of 173.5 - and i was only that low cause of dehydration.

am going for a late lunch today, so will keep cals until then conservative.  just having a mix of 0% fat greek yoghurt (75) a can of mandarin segments (100) agarve nectar (25) some porridge oats sprinkled in (65) and coffee (30).  That's 300 so far.

desperategirl
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 Posted: 7 November 2009 10:57 pm
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I have to stop weighing myself.  I weighed in at 172.5 before - a new low.  But just weighed in again now (not sure why) - at 177.5.  Yikes!  Only 0.5 less than when I started.  Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!  Hopefully water weight that will disappear by tomorrow.

So, I went out and had lunch at Nandos - a chicken pita - 335 and a small ratatouille - 150.  Not very satisfying, but the ratatouille was tasty.  Then I did a stupid thing, and had a latte FULL FAT (small) at Starbucks (200). 

I had dinner later - a small portion of chicken (110) a bowl of soup (165) and an apple (60).  Oh, also a cup of decaf (30).

That's a total of 1355 for the whole day.  I did plan to go lower, as tomorrow, with it being day 7, I am going to go for a higher calorie count - maybe 2000, or maybe I won't keep a really strict count.  The only proviso is no added refined sugar in anything.

Urghhh...just looked at another website which says the Nandos thing was 500 calories.  No way!  It was small, dry, tasteless, definitely no more than 120g of chicken...I'm going to stick with 335.

I am really p.issed off with myself for drinking the stupid latte.  I didn't even get an eggnog or toffee nut one or something really special that would have accounted for all those calories.  What a moron.  Such a waste of 200 calories - I could have just had a tea, and a lower count for the day.  I didn't even enjoy it that much.  Pah.  All in all, not a great day, choices wise.

It is really hard to find a tasty low calorie healthy place to eat in London.  The search goes on.

Oh, and this is blatently TMI, but I just went to the bathroom, and weighed in at 176.5.  NO MORE WEIGH INS TODAY.  Hopefully tomorrow, I will be back around the 173 mark.

soontobeme
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 Posted: 8 November 2009 04:19 am
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It is not that unusual for your weight to flucuate up and down all day long, that is why they state that you should try and only weigh 1 time per week.  I understand how hard that is, when I start out on a diet, or a change, I seem to want to weigh all day long.  I have my husband hide the scale or put it where I can't reach it, I am only 5'3" so that is easy.  Remember 1 day at a time, pick yourself up and dust yourself off, and next time you decide you want a latte, treat yourself to what you like ask for low fat or no fat milk or even soy milk and just watch what you eat the rest of the day, maybe have a salad in place of the carb, or fish instead of beef or chicken, fish has less calories.  Good Luck you can do it, and don't beat yourself up over one set back, remember tomorrow is another day.

Judy:cool:

desperategirl
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 Posted: 9 November 2009 08:41 pm
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Thanks :smile:.

So yesterday was my day off.  I had a full english breakfast (well, almost full.  I couldn't finish it).  I snacked on cheese flavour rice cakes - not a great choice, but quite tasty.  I had pizza for dinner (delivery - v greasy!)  I was also baking for someone else :angry: so i dipped into the batter a few times.  Not sure if it's because of that, but today i have been craving sugar like a mother.  After one day of eating like that, my skin feels greasy again (a week's healthy eating plus some new skincare really helped) and my face looks puffy.  And I used to eat like that everyday!  I didn't actually enjoy the food so much, and there is some food I have had while restricting calories which is amazing, but I didn't want it on my day off - I wanted #%@&!.  Maybe in future the day off should be having more calories, but still eating healthy foods? I would like to train my body to want those foods.  If that is possible.

I'm also intrigued by the add stuff that tetrabyte posted in her diary.  That could be worth a try.  Although then I might end up eating c.rap food on the up days (as is my tendency).  I'm going to think about it, as I think you could stretch 500 calories out along a day, if you ate stuff like tuna - a small can has 64 calories, and keeps you full for ages.

Today so far I've had:

cup of decaf              25
sandwich                414
soup                      165
cup of tea                25
rotisserie chicken    160
cheese rice cake       38
apple                       60
That's a total of 887 so far. 

Because yesterday was my day off, I wanted to have a low day before I weigh myself tomorrow. 

Really amazing food I've discovered this week is Marks and Spencers Spiced Roasted Butternut Squash soup.  Oh man that stuff is good.  Comes in at 165 calories a bowl, and worth every single one of them.  It has a little bit coconut milk, and with the Indian spices...heavenly.  Also, pink lady apples are really good too - high sugar content, but I only have one now and again.

Last weigh in was 173.25.  Hoping to match or better that tomorrow morning.

Just been reading through old entries.  I remember the good old days, when I thought being in the 160s was bad!  Ha!  I wish!

Oh.  Maybe I should give myself some mini goals.  I have lost just under 5 pounds, so I guess I'd like to lose my first half stone (7 pounds) and be at 171 lb by Sunday 15th November.

After that, I'd like to be at 167lb by December 1st.

Actually, that's enough for now.  I would like to be under 154 lb by February.  That's 19.25 lbs in just over 10 weeks - that's tight, considering it's likely that I'll gain over christmas, but we'll see.

Last edited on 9 November 2009 08:47 pm by desperategirl

desperategirl
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 Posted: 10 November 2009 07:53 pm
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So, there I was, thinking I was fat, spotty and greedy, and not once did it occur to me that I had PMT.

I am a fool.

Didn't weigh in this morning.  After about 1000 calories yesterday, I weighed in during the evening at 176.  That means this morning I would have been around 174.  Not as good as I would have hoped after such a low day.  So anyways, I didn't weigh in, cause I thought that I would get upset, ruin my day, sabotage my efforts etc.  But I'm probably only higher because of TOM.  I won't weigh in until after that.  I must be hauling around tons of water retention.  I mean, my boons are like watermelons.  (The long thin ones.  Waaa).

So today I was soooooo hungry (typical pre-TOM for me, and, I guess, tons of women).  Also, I was working, and we had to walk for nearly 5 HOURS STRAIGHT carrying signs that weighed about 10lb.  (The joys of student part time jobs ha ha ha).  So I guess that I probably burned around 800 calories, as a fairly conservative estimate.  I have also read (and I'm sure mentioned on here many times - I tend towards rambling) that you need a few extra calories just before your period.  On account of this, and almost fainting with hunger, I decided to have a blow out, and got a KFC.  Not healthy, but I looked up the calories afterwards, and was pleasantly surprised to see that my burger and small fries added upto about 800 calories.  With everything else I've eaten today, I'm probably at about 1600 and will probably just eat a couple of little bits for the rest of the day.  With the exercise I did, I still have a healthy deficit.

I will be doing the same job for two more days, so should have a great deficit this week.

desperategirl
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 Posted: 16 November 2009 11:12 am
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Went a little AWOL there.

Back upto 176.5, but it is the first day of my period, so by next week, I should be down a couple of pounds (as well as actually having lost a couple!)

Well, I kind of went on an eating rampage, which is why I put a couple of pounds back on.  Actually, I am surprised it's not worse. 

After talking about it for a couple of years, I have now actually joined a gym.  I will go later today.  Luckily, I have a day off today (managed to get some work last week, so earned some decent money).  Unfortunately, I am not prepared for eating healthily and exercising today.  My plan is to finish this entry, then go to the supermarket, but some tracksuit trousers and some healthy food, eat it, go to the gym, then apply for more jobs.

Phewhttp://www.  It's a lot.

I have no plan for the gym as yet - they offer some really cool classes, but I think I might just spend a couple of weeks getting my cardio fitness up, then I will go to spinning.  They also have a powerplate!  Woowoo.

desperategirl
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 Posted: 16 November 2009 02:43 pm
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I really need to get more organized - I got so hungry I felt light headed while I was out.  I managed to hold off eating until I got back from the supermarket though, and had a delicious meal.  Totals so far today are:

2 x cups of decaff                                               75
3 x weight watchers bacon                                  90
2 x wholemeal toast (left some)                         175
low cal spray oil                                                  25
2 x medium eggs w/ low fat cheese (left some)    250
1 x glass low cal lemonade                                   10

That's a total of 625.  I'm aiming for 1500 a day, so with a snack after the gym (probably instant oatmeal and something else) I will leave myself about 500 for dinner (probably roast chicken breast and veg).

Feel nervous about gym, and have to go - I keep putting it off.  I guess I can watch some tv and music videos while I work out.  It's so hard for me to get off my a.ss.  Lazy!

desperategirl
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 Posted: 16 November 2009 08:34 pm
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Finally went to the gym, and did an hour of cardio.  Before I do any more intense classes - like spinning, I want to work on my basic fitness.  Also, they do short sessions where they teach you how to use kettlebells and weights, so I'll catch one of those and figure out a weights routine.

On top of what I posted before, I also ate:

2 x apples                                  100
10 x quorn cocktail sausages       160
Instant oatmeal                          150
1 x decaff                                    25
can of vegetable soup                  180.

That's a total of 615.  Add that to what I had before (625) and that's a grand total of 1240.  I might have a yoghurt later.  Haven't had enough protein today.

Burned around 300 calories at the gym.


desperategirl
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 Posted: 18 November 2009 12:52 pm
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Didn't go to the gym yesterday.  How do people squeeze it in on work days?!!?  I ate around 1400.

Weigh in this morning was 174.5.  I am STILL waiting for my period to properly start.  Hopefully, I'll lose some more water weight when it does.

I'm going to the gym soon.  Today I sent off a bunch of job applications.  I just have to clean the kitchen, then go to the bank.  I'm still clearing up some petty cash from another job.  It's a pain in the a.ss to go to the bank to sort out people's expenses, especially when it's not really my duty.  Bah.  Not even getting paid.  Oh well, once it's done, it's done I guess.

I was thinking about doing pilates, but the early class has been and gone, and I don't want to wait until the later class.  I will probably just go and do cardio.  Gotta build up that fitness.  I am going to start kettlebells soon, but I can't say I'm excited.  I hate to be a whiney moron, but really, I was born to love reading and eating chocolate. Being slim just doesn't fit in with that.  While I was running on the treadmill the other day, I was thinking about how much I would enjoy just lying on the couch and reading.  Lazy.

So far today, I ate two scrambled eggs with low fat cheese on two slices of wholemeal toast with a cup of decaf (didn't finish it all) for a total so far today of about 400.  It wasn't that enjoyable or satisfying, so I think I will gave something else tomorrow, for less calories.

I soooooo want to be under 168 mark.  Me and my friend worked out the other day, that if we stuck to our diet and exercise plans, allowing for some christmas gain, we would get to goal by around May.  That's not so long!  I need some kind of motivation, something to keep me on the straight and narrow.

Maybe when I am under 168, I will try and aim for only 1lb weight loss per week, instead of 2.  That means that I can eat 175 cals a day, and burn 250 through exercise, or just eat 1500 on the days I'm not exercising.  That doesn't sound too hard.  I want to be 136lb, so I need to lose 38.5lb.  In theory, that's 38.5 weeks, which is roughly 9.5 months, which means I'd be done by August.  It's quite a long time, but it doesn't seem too hard. 

I guess that I will aim for 2lb a week until I'm 168lb - I have to lose 6.5lbs, so that should take around three weeks (hopefully a bit less, cause of water weight).  After that, I will have 32lbs to lose - 32 weeks, roughly 8 months, done by July.  And hopefully not too difficult, as my calories are never too low, and my exercise aims are very feasible.

I feel like I needed to look at that cold hard data, to get reassurance!

desperategirl
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 Posted: 18 November 2009 07:06 pm
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Whew.  Did a h.ell of a workout.  Still no weights yet (I just need to feel a bit less intimidated - that'll come after a few more sessions I think).  According to the machines (and I always take the readings with a pinch of salt) I burned 500 calories.  It's the cross trainer man, it's amazing.  Actually, just looked for readings of how many calories you can burn in an hour on a cross trainer, and 500 seems quite reasonable.  Especially as I am a lot heavier than the 145lb person they base the estimates on!

I also walked home - about 35 minutes - the last 20 minutes with a couple of heavy bags of shopping.  That will have added to the calorie burn.

I am being a bit rubbish though.  I am really hungry, and I've had an apple, but I want to wait until a bit later until I eat dinner.  I've had 400 cals for breakfast, a can of soup (220) and a decaf (30), an apple (60) and two glasses of diet squash (15).  That's a grand total of 725 so far.  For dinner I have swedish meatballs (220) in sauce (90) with low fat cheese (90) in a wholemeal wrap (86).  That's 486 calories, but it should be really good and filling.  After dinner, my calories will be at 1211.  It doesn't feel like that much food for those calories.  I guess I need to make smarter choices. 

I will probably stick at that, as yesterday, without going to the gym, I only had a 600 calorie deficit.  Today, with an 800 calories deficit from eating, and 500 from exercise, I'll be at 1300.  That means, average deficit per day so far this week is 986.  Yesterday screwed me a little.  I must find time for the gym tomorrow.

I know you need a 7000 deficit to lose 2lb a week, but man it's hard.

Oh, one last thing - I was taking a slimming pill called Alli.  Well, I stopped, because it didn't seem all that good, also I kept forgetting to take it (3 times a day!) so I am trying chromium instead - it's supposed to help with metabolism and sugar cravings.  It was cheap, off the shelf at my local health food store.  As far as I can tell, it's seems like a safe supplement.

desperategirl
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 Posted: 19 November 2009 10:49 am
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Weight this morning was 173.75lb.

Got more job rejections this morning.  it's so demoralising.  it's not specifically the jobs themselves so much as the constant rejection.  ahhhh.  i guess i'll keep on pushing forward with my bar work and other c.rap until something turns up.

maybe i should have just gone into marketing or something.  i could be on a good wage by now, and have a solid position.  instead of being nowhere, which is where i am.

anyway...gotta try and refocus and be optimistic.

i'm going to try and make a kind of welsh rarebitty thing for brunch that i saw in a magazine.  i'll add up calories later.  then i will take two wraps to work, maybe a weight watchers yoghurt and an apple, then i got some fancy soup for dinner.

i hope to get to the gym - maybe just catch a pilates class or something.  or maybe a good energy expending workout would be good for me right now.

can't wait to get into the 160s!!!!

desperategirl
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 Posted: 20 November 2009 08:48 pm
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Weight was up this morning by over 1lb.  I ended up at around 1300 calories, and burned around 500 at the gym, for a deficit of around 1200 yesterday.  Think weight went up because of TOM (been waiting for it for over a week - hopefully now it'll hurry up and finish).

Worked a double today, so didn't have time for gym.

I ate:

2 x fruit bake bars      190
1 x chicken sandwich  285
1 x 100g penne pasta 350
1 x meatballs             200
1 x sauce                   100
1 x orange squash        40

TOTAL SO FAR          1165

Going to keep the calories low, because I didn't work out.

I know I've been having big deficits, but I'm hoping that my metabolism won't slow down, cause I'm working out so much.  I just plan to blast off the first 8 lbs, then slow down to a healthy 1lb a week weight loss, by having small 250 cal deficits, and doing 250 cal workouts (or something similar).  Plus, once I've improved my fitness, I'm really looking forward to building a strong and lean body.

Hate the gym while I'm there, but love the way it makes me feel.  I love to push myself.  Feel motivated and good at the moment.

Last edited on 20 November 2009 09:46 pm by desperategirl

desperategirl
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 Posted: 21 November 2009 05:03 pm
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Weighed in at 172.25lb this morning, which is my lowest yet since I started on this belated caper.  That's cool.  Also seems like the TOM bleeding may start.  For those of you for whom that was TMI, you ain't gonna enjoy the next bit either...I have had a weird thing this time round with my period - some spotting nearly two weeks ago (between, I guess) then spotting for a week, while I've been waiting for it to begin.  That was painless.  Today, I have cramps, so I guess this is it.  Hopefully after TOM, I will lose an extra pound of water retention.  That would be sweet!  Only 1.25lb to go until I lose my first half stone.  Yay!  Then once I'm under 168, I'll still be fat, but more of my clothes will fit (although I am enjoying living in my track pants, I must say).  After I get under 161, I shall no longer be medically overweight!  Yippeeee!  Still too big for my frame though.  You know how cute, fat little babies have tyres around their arms?  I have that too.  Sadly, it's not so cute on a grown-up.

Back to the progress report...today so far, I've had an onion bagel (250) with low fat cream cheese (70), avocado (30) and tomato (10).  Also, one cup of decaff (25).  That's a total of 385 so far.  I am going to the gym soon - it's already nearly 5pm.  Had a really lazy day so far, lying around reading, and waiting for my boyfriend to get back from the shops with my bagel and avocado ha ha ha.

I've had a deficit of around 4800, despite loads of exercise and loads of calorie deficits.  Grrrrrrr.  That means I have 2200 calories until I reach my goal of a 7000 calories deficit this week.  That's an average 1100 daily deficit!  Arghhhhhhhhhhhh.  I am going to go to the gym soon after writing this...oh c.rap, just realised the gym shuts really early on the weekend.  Bah.  I will have to find something else to do.  That's frustrating, as I didn't go yesterday, and was kind of looking forward to it today.  I can go for a good long walk, but it's not the same as the cross trainer.  Boo.  I like going late.  I guess I will go for a walk, keep the calories low today, go tomorrow in the morning, do a kick-a.ss workout.  I actually feel really grouchy now I've missed my chance for a good workout.  Like I've missed a precious chance to burn some pesky little calories.  Pah.

9:30pm...

Just ate again - had an onion bagel (250) with a slice of low fat cheese (60) and half a serving of Swedish meatballs (110) and a little tomato (30).  I also had a cup of coffee before with a splash of milk (25).  That's a total of 860 so far for the day.  I will definitely keep my calories below 1000 today, maybe closer to 900, because then I have less to do tomorrow to hit the magic 7000 calorie deficit point.  Eating so little is definitely not something I should do long term, but I have been rubbish with workouts this week.

Even though I've had three days without workouts, two of the workout days I had, my overall deficit for that day was 1200.  BUT the deficit is still averaging out at less than 1000 a day.  That sucks.  Tuesday was my downfall - no workout, and 1400 calories.  I ended up snacking a lot that day, as I didn't have time to prepare food to take to work.  It was all healthy, but it explains a lot - I like to eat more heartily rather than graze - grazing does not tend to satisfy me as much.

Anyway, my deficits work out as:  (I am in danger of getting obsessed here, but typing this again and again stops my fat little fingers from shoving cake into my mouth)

Monday       1000
Tuesday        600
Wednesday  1200
Thursday     1200
Friday           800
Saturday     1100 (as long as I don't eat more than another 40 calories)

That's 5900.  That means I need a deficit of 1100 tomorrow, so if I burn 500 calories at the gym, then I can eat 1400 calories.  Because I haven't been to the gym for 2 days, I may feel strong and rested and able to do a longer workout, maybe aim to burn 600 calories, but still have 1400 calories to eat - use the 100 as a buffer.

My first official weigh in will be on Monday - the day after tomorrow - and I hope to be down from where I was this morning.  Nearly three weeks ago I started out at 178lb, after a rubbish two weeks of being the least committed dieter in the world, I still lost 1.5lb.  I would like to be 171lb by Monday, which is pretty unrealistic, given that I'd have to lose 1.25lb in a day, but it would be a perfect scenario for me.  Fingers crossed that I can drop the TOM water weight/blood weight.

I'm so impatient to get under 168lb, so that I'm under 12 stone.  Being 11 stone something isn't great, but just feels a lot better.  For me, 12 stone is like a magic threshold to despair.  I just FEEL puffy and gross and wrong.  I've only been over 12 stone twice in my life, and after the first time, I vowed it wouldn't happen again.  Four and a quarter pounds to go, then I can say goodbye to that horrible number forever.
If I was at 171lb by Monday, I might even make an extra push to lose 3lb next week (a calorie deficit of 10,500 - a TON of exercise needed) just to try and reach 168lb.  After that, I can relax a bit, aim to lose 1-1.5lb a week.  That would probably feel quite easy after this week!  Although having said that, I have enjoyed the food that I have eaten this week, and I have felt great after my workouts.




Last edited on 21 November 2009 10:03 pm by desperategirl


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