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ThisShelbyGirl
New Member
| Joined: | 12 November 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1 |
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Posted: 12 November 2005 12:48 pm |
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Hey there everyone. This will be my first post here, and while I'm new to this board, I'm definitely not new to eating disorders.
It was kind of weird for me though. I have never been happy with my weight, which was about 5'8" and 134lbs at my heighest. I know that is healthy, at least I think I do, but I refused to accept it. One day I decided that I would start dieting, to reach my goal weight of 125lbs. I started by cutting out on the fast food and sweets, logical. And then I cut off snacking, also another good trait. And then I just started cutting off meals, maybe just breakfast or dinner or lunch. And I begin extreme calorie counting, until I was eating about 200-500 calories a day, and fasting at least 3 days a week. I absolutely loved being hungry, weak, and sick. I would spend hours staring at pictures of airbrushed models and chatting with other eating disordered people. In less than 2 weeks I went from 134lbs to 119lbs. Of course my body went into starvation mode, and I binged horribly. About 3000 calories without even trying. This became an almost everyday event.
To make up for these binges, I taught myself to throw up. Well, Bulimia doesn't really get you anywhere. You end up either maintaining your current weight, or gaining a lot more. The latter usually happens. Bulimia also comes with other problems - I had to take 2 boxes of laxatives 3 times a week, I had to go to the ER for chest pains, I fainted in the supermarket, and I also have had to load up on diet pills/caffine pills and Ephedra (found in a strange place) to keep me awake. I was also obsessed with food now, binging in large amounts and then throwing it up was my life. 7-10 times a day. It was an addiction. Everyday I would tell myself, "Okay, I'm only going to restict, not throw up." And I would restrict heavily. But then my body would get so hungry that I would binge amazing amounts. And then I would have to make up for it 7-10 times. Eventually, I went 230 dollars in the hole with my bank just buying laxatives (10 dollars a day) and food.
That was actually only a month ago. Today, I'm slightly better. I purge maybe 3 times a week, and I don't restrict. I'm currently 19 years old and 125lbs, my original goal weight. But what do ya know, I am here at this site, and others, looking to lose 10 pounds by January 1st (I begin University on Jan 16th). I'm taking all of your thinspirational sayings and using them as encouragment not to eat for the day. Even the most innocent of tips (substituting a meal for veggies and tuna) I twist into something more Ana - substituting a meal for half an apple. Once you destroy that relationship you have with food, you will never, ever eat normally again without having to think about it. Your body is always trying to compensate for that time you starved it, and you're trying to compensate for the weight gained by starving. It's a never ending cycle.
Well, I guess definitely vented. Mainly, I just want everyone to avoid becoming me. To understand that life is so, so much more than what the scale reads. There are so many people in the world who couldn't imagine a day without you, no matter what you weigh. They love you for what you bring into thier lives. Learn to make livable, permanent life changes that aren't overtly dramatic. Most importantly, be emotionally prepared. Don't look for temporary starvation or crash diets to solve your problems, because they aren't temporary fixtures. You all sound like great people who are just trying to be healthy. This is an awesome site and a great place to start. Don't begin loving that hunger pain like I do. When you feel that - it's because you're hungry! Eat something, guys. Take care everyone. And good luck on your ventures.
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Peter
Founder, caloriesperhour.com
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Posted: 12 November 2005 07:43 pm |
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Thank you for your wonderful post. My Diet and Weight Loss Tips (link below) have been very popular on the internet for about five years now and the first tip has always been to consider whether you might have an eating disorder... with a link to a FAQ on the subject.
I certainly have one. In fact, sometimes I jokingly refer to myself as a "failed bulimic." No matter how hard I have tried, I could never get myself to throw up using my finger or anything else I'd put down my throat. Of course I've used laxatives, though never daily. Just to clear things out when I'd start dieting again after a long binge. All very sick.
My daughter was bulimic and when it was pretty serious she went into a hospital for a three month treatment program. It made a big difference.
Today neither of us practice an eating disorder, but as you say you never look at food quite the same again. But then it's also true that most people struggle with food in one way or another. And though being overweight has become almost acceptable in society, it's still unhealthy if not deadly.
Welcome to the forum and I wish you well,
Peter
caloriesperhour.com
eatwellandexercise.com
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Surrii
New Member
| Joined: | 12 November 2005 |
| Location: | New Zealand |
| Posts: | 11 |
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Posted: 14 November 2005 07:56 am |
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Wow...that was a really, really, really good post! And, I agree; there is much more to life than that. I'm glad you're better now. I wish you good luck on losing those 10 pounds! I've never been bulimic before, and i've only recently started to control my eating. But whenever i eat any snacks or something like that, i might try to work it off by doing extra exercise or something. But, i'm usually too lazy. I need some self control on eating, and some determination on doing exercise. Your post inspired me! Thanks so much!
~Surrii
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kathleenyork
Senior Member
| Joined: | 31 October 2005 |
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| Posts: | 32 |
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Posted: 6 January 2006 08:57 am |
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i was sorry to read about your plight...living with disordered eating, in particular bulimia, is the hardest thing ive ever had to face. i can also relate to twisting every diet to fit ana standards...for examples, i took the 3-day diet (a super low-cal diet designed to help you lose weight before surgery) and turned it into a 100 calorie a day diet! i thoguht i was following the rules because i change 1 can of tuna into 2 small shrimp, and one glass of juice to 1/2 cup light jello... meat is meat and fruit is fruit, right? i havent changed though, so i dont have advice...
im glad you met your goal weight and i can relate to it never being enough. just try to stay healthy and be so careful because ED habits can be the hardest to break...purging, as you know, can kill you...3 times a week is way too much and you are eroding your esophagus as we speak...which could lead to rupture and internal bleeding...and so many other things! also, intense binges can burst your stomach lining! our stomachs can old hold 4 litres of food until it acn actually split. please be care!
good luck hun and i hope you can overcome purging and try to restrict, not severly, but healthily. but im not calling the kettle black.
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lcouvrely@yahoo.com
New Member
| Joined: | 29 October 2009 |
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| Posts: | 1 |
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Posted: 29 October 2009 10:39 pm |
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Thank You,
I purge about 4 times a day, Im scared i dont know what will happen to me but, i have to be skinny, i want to be skinny. It got worse with time it started with once in a while when i felt i ate to much, but now i feel guilty and stupid if i don't purge everything out of my stomach im up to 4 times a day regardless to how big the meal was. I've learned that after 3 hours its very difficult to have anything you ate come up. I have been doing this on and off for 2 years im really scared i dont want to die but i dont know who to go too. Please you dont understand i have ot be skinny its my whole lifes focus. I am not skinny by the way i am 5'2 and weigh 123lb. I get pains in the inside of my stomach like the inside of my rib cage i think i have a problem with my liver also i dont know im scared and my teeth im scared to go to the dentist what if they dont want to help me or what if they do and make me tell my family, i am 19 but still in situations like this i dont know. please let me know anything re: the things i just asked you thanxs 
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Nir
Senior Administrator
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Posted: 30 October 2009 09:30 am |
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read the tutorial topic ( http://www.caloriesperhour.com/tutorial_disorder.php ) I notice at the bottom it suggests: "The Eating Disorder Referral and Information Center provides information and treatment resources for all forms of eating disorders."
(it also mentions Overeaters Anonymous and in the local group I attend there are at least 2 bullimics)
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Sweetlittlehugs
Senior Member
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Posted: 4 November 2009 06:59 pm |
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| hello
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Current time is 12:22 am | |
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