| Dating While Overweight |
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Bearly
New Member
| Joined: | 14 July 2009 |
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| Posts: | 4 |
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Posted: 14 July 2009 09:53 pm |
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I can't seem to connect with women while I am overweight. I am confident and funny generally. I have a good career and sometimes run into girls who are willing to overlook my extra pounds, but I can't bring myself to taking dates to the "next level", because I am ashamed of my body. I am afraid that girls will be grossed out by me, and worse, that even if they accept me, I will not be able to physically perform the way I used to when I was in shape.
I deal with these kinds of thoughts by overeating, and the cycle continues. I used to have great relationships in my early twenties, but I haven't been romantically involved with a woman in over two years.
I realize that the solution to my problem is to lose weight, but I have at least ~75lbs to lose until I can start feeling decent about myself. If I want to lose that weight in a healthy way, it will take me at least a year to do. I don't want to be lonely for another year.
How do I deal with these hangups? Does anyone have any advice?
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suenos
Moderator
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Posted: 14 July 2009 11:44 pm |
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Hi Bearly!
I don't have any advice, but wanted to tell you that I can totally relate to every thing you say - except from a female p.o.v.
When I was at my heaviest I just felt very uncomfortable dating because I had such low self esteem. Hard to make a meaningful connection when you're not feeling good in your own skin. I mean, I knew I was funny/smart/independent (and kind to animals )-but dating bought out ALL my insecurities. Plus I had (perhaps incorrectly but who knows) the idea that any guy who asked me out was somehow "settling" for a fat chick instead of a hot chick- and who wants that? At my heaviest weight (5'2ish and a cheeseburger away from 200lbs) I looked like a lumpy apple with chipmonk cheeks. And it was so depressing seeing that in the mirror everyday that I comforted myself every night with ice cream and pizza. Yea, that worked.
When I got serious about losing weight and getting into shape I decided to not even worry about dating. I put pretty much most of my energy into just getting my life together - sorta made losing the weight just a part of a whole life overhaul. I just took dating 100% off the table until I was comfortable and happy with both my inner and outer self. So, if you add the twoish years I didn't date while I was busy gettin really fat and depressed about getting fat, and the year I didn't date while I was reversing that process - ha! three years total without a romantic relationship.
That seems like a long time right? But honestly just putting a hold on the dating thing and dealing with the "me" thing turned out to be the best decision I ever made. Cause in the end I met a really great guy, but was was secure and comfortable enough with myself to realize that he wasn't the "right for me" guy and it was easy to let him go. Then I met another great guy - and I married that one.
Whoops, I guess I do have advice - since you asked. If you're not comfortable dating right now - then just don't. It's hard to make a real connection with someone else when you're not connected with yourself. Deal openly and honestly with whatever issues lie beneth your weight. Then do the hard work it takes to lose that much weight. We all have a "best" self - and for some of us it needs to be a solo journey to find that person. When you're ready to be with someone because you feel good about yourself and your life and are ready to share that life, you'll be surprised how much easier dating and meeitng the "right for you" person becomes.
Yea, I know this is long - but I just had similar discussion today with an 18 y/o girl who's lost 25 lbs and has another 60ish to go - so I guess it's on my mind. Plus I'm a really verbose and rambling kinda chick. Good luck and I hope someone else (or many someones) come along to offer you their own perspectives.
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 July 2009 01:33 am |
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| I have to agree with Suenos, wait. Both dating and losing weight are extremely difficult. Losing weight is so hard on your mental health as well, you don't want to drag that baggage into a relationship (I know from personal expeirence). If you are lonely I suggest casual dating and friends. And you never know, the right person might just come along and things will hit off so great you won't worry about the weight holding you back. Good luck!
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Bearly
New Member
| Joined: | 14 July 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 4 |
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Posted: 15 July 2009 02:42 pm |
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| Thanks for the good advice guys. I wishe there was an easier way. :(
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Tontus
Senior Member
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Posted: 15 July 2009 06:28 pm |
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Bearly wrote: Thanks for the good advice guys. I wishe there was an easier way. :(
Alcohol and hookers (in that order).
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calotrenpamela
New Member
| Joined: | 23 July 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 12 |
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Posted: 31 July 2009 06:50 am |
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I think if some girl is really interested in you, she will overlook your obesity.
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