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ambear84
New Member
| Joined: | 9 March 2012 |
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| Posts: | 21 |
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Posted: 20 March 2012 04:21 pm |
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| I have never really liked how I have looked most of my life. Ever since I was little I have been overweight. Right now at 27 I am the biggest I have ever been 187lbs. I am only 5'1 so I know I need to lose about 70lbs to get to where I want to be. It is hard to get up each day and look in the mirror. I try to imagine what I will look like when I am thinner. My bf has been really great about all of this but when I catch him looking at other women who are skinny and attractive, staring at them when I'm with him it just makes me feel like a big fat cow. He tells me he loves me and only wants me but if that were true why doesn't he look at me the way he looks at them? I start getting down and thinking even if I were to lose weight I won't look like that. He wants a pretty curvy blond with long legs, and I am a short stumpy brunnette with a flat bottom. I am starting to wonder if I will ever look the way I envision myself looking. It is hard because I have been working out and counting calories for 3 weeks and have only lost a total of 2.5lbs.
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Brad110184
New Member
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Posted: 3 May 2012 10:29 pm |
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Ambear guys look at women all the time even when they are with a girl... Not that they don't want you or that they don't love you. They do love their women very much! But growing up for me ive looked at other women while being with a girlfriend I believe its nature for a guy to look.. Anyways counting calories is ALWAYS good 2.5 lbs does not seem like a lot of weight in 3 weeks but its a start. What kind of food do you eat?
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Diet Coach
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 27 January 2012 |
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| Posts: | 114 |
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Posted: 5 May 2012 07:11 pm |
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ambear84 wrote: I have never really liked how I have looked most of my life. Ever since I was little I have been overweight. Right now at 27 I am the biggest I have ever been 187lbs. I am only 5'1 so I know I need to lose about 70lbs to get to where I want to be. It is hard to get up each day and look in the mirror. I try to imagine what I will look like when I am thinner. My bf has been really great about all of this but when I catch him looking at other women who are skinny and attractive, staring at them when I'm with him it just makes me feel like a big fat cow. He tells me he loves me and only wants me but if that were true why doesn't he look at me the way he looks at them? I start getting down and thinking even if I were to lose weight I won't look like that. He wants a pretty curvy blond with long legs, and I am a short stumpy brunnette with a flat bottom. I am starting to wonder if I will ever look the way I envision myself looking. It is hard because I have been working out and counting calories for 3 weeks and have only lost a total of 2.5lbs.
It sounds like your "self esteem" is conditional. Let's say that you do what it takes ie eat less and move more and lose weight what will the next road block be to obtaining "high self esteem"
Your boyfriend is normal and he's probably thinking that you like food more than him so you have convince him and yourself that there is another reason for why you are fat. You need to figure out why you lust for fattening food is greater than your love for yourself and him.
Obviously you are out of control and you never learned how to eat correctly but just how out of control are you really. Surprisingly it is not my all that much and your eating can be easily corrected. You're not that bad!
You are eating about 700 calories more than you should. How can that happen? Answer... EASILY! A big flavored coffee and a big pastry can get you to 700. A salad with too much dressing and cheese on it has a lot of empty calories.
In this day and age very few people can not stay lean without eating mindfully. You have to reform you dietary habits. You have to decrease portion sizes.
If you want to keep beating yourself up go for it but do it for the right reasons. You seem intelligent but you didn't connect the dots and figure out what I just told you. What I would suggest you do from this moment on is to forgive yourself but at the same time hold yourself accountable. You also owe your boyfriend an apology.
Losing your excess weight is doable. Don't think for a minute that it isn't. You have to decide what is more important, tasty food or your health and your boyfriend. I hope that you choose your health and your boyfriend over junk food.
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twistic
New Member
| Joined: | 6 May 2012 |
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| Posts: | 7 |
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Posted: 6 May 2012 08:07 pm |
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I'm sure he *has* looked at you, often, just like he looks at other women. You probably gloss over it, or don't notice because it's in different context. Don't be so sure you know what he wants. It sounds like he loves you very much.
All men check girls out, we check each other out! It's part of people watching. We're interested in other human beings, especially young women. I've had boyfriends who were absolutely 100% devoted to me (without question) look at other girls in passing. It really doesn't mean he wants them more than he wants you - or even wants them at all.
Have you ever considered that your excess weight is there for reasons other than over-eating? My sister was obese, and she works in the medical field (along with most of my family) and learned that in the majority of cases you don't get obese simply because you eat too many french fries. Hers was a thyroid problem. Do you know if there might be something like that?
The best thing you can do is what you're doing: eat healthier, count calories, and exercise. I've been there! I think we all have. For me, I can practically starve myself for weeks, and nothing comes off - but then it comes off all at once. Keep persevering. And be sure you're cutting enough calories to jump-start your metabolism. Also be sure to really give yourself a work out when you exercise!
You'll get there, and believe me, you're going to LOVE the way you look when you do. Those thoughts of "will I be good enough, even then?" will melt away when you reach your goals. :)
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Diet Coach
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 27 January 2012 |
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| Posts: | 114 |
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Posted: 17 May 2012 04:17 am |
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twistic wrote: I'm sure he *has* looked at you, often, just like he looks at other women. You probably gloss over it, or don't notice because it's in different context. Don't be so sure you know what he wants. It sounds like he loves you very much.
Makes sense.
All men check girls out, we check each other out! It's part of people watching. We're interested in other human beings, especially young women. I've had boyfriends who were absolutely 100% devoted to me (without question) look at other girls in passing. It really doesn't mean he wants them more than he wants you - or even wants them at all.
You are right. It's genetic.
Have you ever considered that your excess weight is there for reasons other than over-eating? My sister was obese, and she works in the medical field (along with most of my family) and learned that in the majority of cases you don't get obese simply because you eat too many french fries. Hers was a thyroid problem. Do you know if there might be something like that?
Here's the deal. There is only one way to get fat and that is by consuming more fuel than you burn. No exception to that law. It's as true as the law of gravity.
Hypothyroidism slow the metabolic rate only slightly. What it does is it makes people lethargic so they move less. That's how they get chubby Obesity requires massive eating.
The best thing you can do is what you're doing: eat healthier, count calories, and exercise. I've been there! I think we all have. For me, I can practically starve myself for weeks, and nothing comes off - but then it comes off all at once. Keep persevering. And be sure you're cutting enough calories to jump-start your metabolism. Also be sure to really give yourself a work out when you exercise!
You are not talking rationally. Try using more precise language. Jump starting metabolism is BS industry term. There are some ways to increase it slightly but have a fast metabolic rate can actually be bad for your health.
You'll get there, and believe me, you're going to LOVE the way you look when you do. Those thoughts of "will I be good enough, even then?" will melt away when you reach your goals. :)
Again, try using precise and rational language. Her body fat is not why she has "low self esteem" Making how she feels about herself conditional on how much body fat she has is insane. Self esteem is a mental illness.
She may want to do a moral inventory but the long and short of it is 700 calories too many. Why not instead of complicating the issue with theoretical psycho babble concentrate on known precise and concrete reasons for why her weight is 187 pounds?
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Naz
New Member
| Joined: | 10 June 2012 |
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| Posts: | 9 |
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Posted: 12 June 2012 05:06 pm |
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Hi Ambear, self esteem is an interesting and not always obvious part of the weight/fat loss equation.
Low self esteem means you do not value / love yourself. This can make a person reach for food when all they want to feel is love. It can also make a person feel inadequate.
It seems like your boyfriend loves you, he is still with you despite the weight gain. Most normal men look at other women, it doesn't mean he wants to be with someone else. I've been through this myself so I know how it feels.
You are enough, you just need to realise that the people in your life love you. You also need to remind yourself of all your good qualities. This will gradually impact your self esteem in a positive way.
In the meantime, keep up the good work with the training and healthy eating. You have lost 2.5 lbs - thats great. What if you hadn't lost anything or worse still, had put on 2.5 lbs ?
Jon Gabriel has a really good cd that you can buy which will help with self esteem, feeling safe and visualisation, in case you're interested. I personally found it very helpful combined with a low glycemic diet and exercise.
Apologies for rambling, but I wanted to respond.
Keep up the good work and good luck
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Professor Tom
New Member
| Joined: | 10 August 2011 |
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| Posts: | 28 |
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Posted: 18 June 2012 11:14 am |
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Long term relationships are built around people that put one another ahead of each other, not long legs and blue eyes.
That said, there are still many reasons for your health ans self-esteem that you need to lose the weight.
2.5 pounds is not a usual loss for the first three weeks, but it is something you can build on. Just start making small choices like fruit over pastry and pretty soon you will be on your way.
Great dieting!
Professor Tom Laurie
author of The Losing Attitude for Dieters
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