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DaNcEaHoLiC
New Member
| Joined: | 3 May 2008 |
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| Posts: | 156 |
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Posted: 22 January 2009 01:14 pm |
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Your goal sounds great! If you win or not, you'll definately benefit from it! hehe I sometimes don't like working out infront of others either but remember that when you go to the gym, they are all so focused on themselves, nobody cares about what you look like. And it's none of their business, anyway.
I love how motivated we are! haha I have no problems motivating myself to stretch, strengthen and dance (I MUST do at least one of these things EVERY day) because I want these trophies and I don't want second, I want 1st!!
I just told my mum that I want an appointment because of my thyroid and I'll get on her nerves until I get it!
Sophie
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Butterfly_Hourglass
New Member
| Joined: | 5 April 2008 |
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| Posts: | 282 |
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Posted: 29 January 2009 02:14 am |
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That's true. I'm pretty happy with myself. I've been eating hardly any junk (a few marshmallows here and there, and a cookie or two), and eating fruits and veggies and such. I've been keeping about 1600 calories, but I've only been able to really work up a good sweat one time this week. I have done a few things at home, so it's not too bad.
That's great! -hugs- I'm so happy you have the drive to work hard. In my dance class, we have an older girl helping the teacher and I SO jealous of her! She's so graceful and so of herself. It's really nice to see. I don't think I'll continue with dance though. I'm just not good at it. T-T Maaybe if I take a few classes over the summer.
-shrug- You never know, eh?
I'm so proud of you! Good job. I hope everyone goes well and you'll be happier and healthier and all that awesome stuff. :) Goodness knows you deserve it.
Lots of love,
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DaNcEaHoLiC
New Member
| Joined: | 3 May 2008 |
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| Posts: | 156 |
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Posted: 31 January 2009 09:51 pm |
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Well done! I'm proud of you for eating well!
You shouldn't be jealous of that girl who assists your teacher (unless she is incredibly talented and skinny without doing anything for it! lol) . She has probably worked hard to be a beautiful dancer and I bet you could be as good as her in time. If there's something I could helf you with, feel free to ask.
Two more days until my appointment! I'm only getting a blood test done, though. But I plan to make a new appointment when I'm there to discuss the blood test results and my eating problems. I need to decide wether I want to do that on my own or go with my mum. I won't have to send her outside if I go on my own but how would they/I inform my parents about what's going on?! I'm clueless. I hope they won't weigh me and I want to lose some pounds until the appointment but I'm not succesful at the moment. What I do is binging and purging as if I needed to prove I really have a problem. My mum made a cake yesterday and I was late for a good friend's 18th birthday party because I ate half of it, just to throw it up. My throat hurts badly and I'm afraid it was a bad idea to use a toothbrush from when I had the flu. Argh!
Take care!
xxx
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Butterfly_Hourglass
New Member
| Joined: | 5 April 2008 |
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| Posts: | 282 |
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Posted: 3 February 2009 04:54 am |
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Ack! Not good, love! I hope your appointment went well. I really, really want you to get better. -hugs-
Yeah, I know I should be so jealous of her. I just...I don't know.
My parents don't really even know how to take care of kids the healthy way, you know? The don't understand the concept of calories, or anything.
It drives me mad, because my mom doesn't do anything but complain, but won't go on the internet to look it up.
Part of me just wants to be taken care of the way I see other kids. Like, times they have dinner, their parents trying to make it healthy for them and stuff. Actually supporting a healthy lifestyle and not bringing home bags of candy and pizza for me to break down and eat. -.-
You're a sweetie for offering! I don't think I'm going to continue with dance though. I was super excited in the start; but I think it would be something I would really have to work at and I don't think I have the time. School has been putting a squeeze on me, and my friends have been having issues and such. My mom's been ranting and raving at me for the past month and I really think our relationship has suffered. I don't think I could go to her for anything.
Not even that I have a boyfriend! The one thing I thought I would never have. 0.0
He's a sweetie to me, and sure, he's a bit tubby; but really strong. He lifted me up almost no problem!
But I'm determined to get down to 125. I want to get there. So. Badly!
I'm really hoping you're okay, sweetie. I don't want you to hurt yourself. -hugs-
I'm thinking of you.
Lots of love,
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DaNcEaHoLiC
New Member
| Joined: | 3 May 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 156 |
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Posted: 4 February 2009 03:19 pm |
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Yeah, it's not good and I don't feel too good. I feel like getting some pills, hide somewhere, take them and die. That bad. -.- But I hope things will be better next week. I have an appointment on Monday and I'm going to have a serious conversation with my best friend on Friday, where I want to be honest about everything. Ugh I'm nervous but I'm made a list with things I need to tell the doctor so I could still just give her the list if I can't get the words out and start crying or something. Oh I can't wait for this to be over and I pray that I won't get wait-listed for months.
I get what you mean with parents not supporting ahealthy lifestyle, it's so annoying. But I guess you can't change them. I mean, my mum is a cook, she knows about nutrition and calories and whines about how she want to lose weight but doesn't do anything for it. My dad eats SO much fat, it's gross but he's thin and doesn't want to eat any healthier and he used to give me all the sweets and fast food I wanted as a kid, as if two burgers were better than one. Talking about burgers, I had a soy burger last week and I really enjoyed it! I found a cool little vegetarian restaurant and they make the food with so much love and passion! lol
Talk to you, soon!
xxx
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DaNcEaHoLiC
New Member
| Joined: | 3 May 2008 |
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| Posts: | 156 |
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Posted: 6 February 2009 09:15 pm |
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Hi, I have some good news!
I saw my best friend today and guess what - I told her about my possible ED! I was SOO nervous, it took me ridiculously long to say it. You were so right when you said it's easier to say something really important when you don't look the person in the eyes. It was a bit different then what I expected. I didn't cry and she didn't judge me at all, she tried to understand though she doesn't know anything about eating disorders. After the conversation I felt a bit relieved and we kept talking as if I never said a word. Well, I was honest but I didn't tell her how bad it really is. I quickly mentioned the purging part by the way, I'm not quite sure she even got it. She probably thinks I'm like at the very beginning of an ED because I'm at a healthy weight but I can't blame her for it. And she also reminded me that I won't be able to start therapy right away, I might get wait-listed (is that even a word?!^^) for half a year! Ugh.
So, I only wanted to share this with you. I'm so glad I told someone, I'm proud of myself and I wonder how my mum will react because that is what scares me most.
I hope you're doing well!
Lots of love! xxx
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Butterfly_Hourglass
New Member
| Joined: | 5 April 2008 |
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| Posts: | 282 |
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Posted: 11 February 2009 05:15 am |
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Aw, Sophie! I'm so proud of you, I really am. :D It's good to know someone's on track. =/
Keep it up, and you'll get through this for sure. I'm over here cheering for you every step of the way!
I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been eating badly. I've been gaining. I feel fat and gross and I just...I don't know anymore.
I'm going to try really hard this week to not eat more than 1600 calories. I figure since I do work out 6 days a week for an hour at least, it must mean something, right?
I think I've gotten taller too, but I don't know. I just don't know anymore.
It's like a downward spiral. When I get into moods like this, I feel all bad about what I eat, eat more of it, then gain, then feel worse. It's bad that I let food rule my life so much, I know. I just want to get to a point that I actually like my body.
I never have. I desperately want to.
But, hey, that's where hard work comes in, right!?
Keep fighting Sophie, I believe in you.
Lots and lots of love.
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DaNcEaHoLiC
New Member
| Joined: | 3 May 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 156 |
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Posted: 11 February 2009 03:22 pm |
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First of all, you are not fat and even more important, you are not gross. Try to enjoy eating more. Pleeease don't let food rule your life, I know what I'm talking about. ;-)
Have you thought of rewarding yourself with something you really want, once you reach a goal (like a certain weight or eating healthy for a month)? I reaaally wanted this gorgeous handbag and I told myself that if I tell the doctor, I will buy it no matter how expensive it is! lol
I have some "good" news. I told my doctor and my mum the same day and after the appointment I was SO proud of myself, really happy. The doctor said I have an ED and will need therapy. She called a psychologist I would come and then I went there and made an appointment for next week Friday. I think I've never been that proud of myself in my whole life. My mum ruined it. Well, she said she was glad that I said something and worried but then she started asking me stupid questions like "Do you really eat that little? Why do you think you have an ED? And do you really stuck your finger down your throat?!?" It's hard to say why and I really don't want her to know how often I purge or things like that. What gets me most is that I asked her "Do you think I just pretend to have an ED because I want attention?!" and she said "yes!" WTF? By now, I'm not even sure myself. Maybe I am just making a big deal out of nothing?! We'll see tomorrow because my mum made an appointment with my doctor. -.- And the doctor said I should be present when they talk about me. I haven't purged for nearly 2 weeks now. Part of the reason is that my mum is watching what I eat and where I go afterwards. Ugh I eat the food she makes me to avoid arguing with her but it's really not helping when she makes me pancakes for breakfast. 
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Butterfly_Hourglass
New Member
| Joined: | 5 April 2008 |
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| Posts: | 282 |
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Posted: 12 February 2009 12:55 am |
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-hugs- You're a sweetie, and I'm super proud of you.
But, as for your mom, sometimes it's easier to think that your child wants attention than a real problem, you know? And you do have a problem. It's something you're going to have to work on, and try to stop. Don't let your mom get you down, and don't let her start to question you. Tell her as much as you feel you need to, but be completely open with the person that will be trying to help you.
That' the only way it'll get better. -hugs-
And I really want you to get better.
As for her making stuff, I know it's really hard. =/ Heck, my mom came home with three bags of chocolate, chips, and all this other #%@&!. She like, has no control and I blame my bad eating habits on my parents not showing me healthy things from the start.
But! Yeah, I hope everything is going well.
-hugs-
LOTS of love.
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DaNcEaHoLiC
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| Joined: | 3 May 2008 |
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| Posts: | 156 |
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Posted: 12 February 2009 08:54 pm |
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It's nice to hear your proud of me. :)
My mom cancelled the appointment today because she thought it wasn't necessary. Why does everyone seam to notice I'm not feeling well except for my own mother?! My dance teacher noticed, my favourite teacher at school asked me if I'm alright because I didn't say much in class and looked sad. After that I just started crying. At school. A friend went outside with me and we're not close friends but she was soo nice and for some reason I trusted her and I'm glad I did because she told me she recovered from an ED some years ago and that I can talk to her anytime. So, that was one good thing today.
I'm flying to Kiev with my mum tomorrow morning and I'm so not in the mood for a dance competition. I couldn't care less but at least my mom is excited. Oh, I love my life.
I have to make it short, I really need to get some sleep, now.
Take care! xxx
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Butterfly_Hourglass
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| Joined: | 5 April 2008 |
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| Posts: | 282 |
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Posted: 13 February 2009 03:55 am |
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NO! NO NO NO NO NO!
I'm refusing to let you mom do that! This is not right at all.
You need someone more experienced to help you get through this or you're really going to mess up your body, and it'll end up really, really badly!
I don't want you to go through all of that terrible stuff. -hugs- Talk to your doctor, or something. Anything. You need that appointment and your mom is going to have to accept that you have a problem.
I'm happy you were able to talk to someone! Maybe she can point you into the direction of some people that helped her. Hopefully she can provide some more support too. Oh, I hope it works out.
I wish you luck, and I really hope things turn out better for you. I'm cheering for you...even if I'm not anywhere close to you.
Good luck and I hope you got some good sleep.
You're a wonderful girl that really, really is beautiful inside and out, and I want someone to help you see that.
Lots of love
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DaNcEaHoLiC
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| Joined: | 3 May 2008 |
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| Posts: | 156 |
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Posted: 15 February 2009 06:54 pm |
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You're sweet, I'm so glad your my (weight loss) buddy!  How is everyting going for you?
I think there's a misunderstanding. My mum didn't cancell MY appointment with the psychologist, she cancelled the appointment with your family doctor, who she wanted to talk to. I will definately talk to the psychologist, no matter what my mum does or thinks. We will see what happens after that. I think I'm fine with my mum not accepting that there is a problem (well, I am a bit mad at her) but I'm afraid I will need my parents' support. At least financially.
My weekend in Kiev was okay, by the way. I didn't dance my best but I made some friends and now I'm determined to work hard towards the worlds because there were some incredibly good dancers in my age group.
I hope you're feeling good about yourself! xx
Sophie
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Butterfly_Hourglass
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| Joined: | 5 April 2008 |
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| Posts: | 282 |
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Posted: 26 February 2009 05:59 am |
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Aw, thanks sweetie. Ugh. I'm okay.
No, I'm not.
I've lost any drive I have for anything. I feel lazy, and stupid. I just wish I could BE what I want to be, and not sit here to stew in this mess. X.x
Ohhhh! Okay. Good. Sorry I flew off the handle there. >.<;;
Sorry too, for not being on so much. I've been packed down with friend problems and HW out the wazoo.
I'm happy for you! Keep on working.
:D You're amazing!
Ugh. Like, some days I'll took in the mirror and think I'm pretty thin. Then, WHAM I feel like #%@&! again.
I'm sick of it.
I can't stop thinking about how much I weigh, etc, etc.
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DaNcEaHoLiC
New Member
| Joined: | 3 May 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 156 |
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Posted: 6 March 2009 06:21 pm |
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Oh dear! I'm so you're feeling this way! *big hug*
I want you to love yourself! You are amazing and while I can't say much about your body, you have a great personality, that's for sure!
Maybe your body is not meant to be at the weight you're aiming for and if that's the case, you need to accept it. Argh, I should have thought about that earlier. *head desk* I mean you ARE at a healthy weight and I think you should consider telling your family doctor you you would like to lose weight and maybe he/she can refer you to a nutritionist or dietician. I'm sure you would benefit from that!
But whatever you chose to do, please remember that you are NOT fat or stupid or ugly! There are a million people with curves who look stunning and even more skinny ones who don't. Don't you agree that happy, self-confident and smart people are the most beautiful?! And it's not because of the shape of their body, it's because they LOVE themselves! 
Okay, I'm done! lol
By the way, I'm okay. Well, I've got an upset stomach or something but at least it's causing me to lose weight. I've hardly eaten anything for the past 3 days because I feel more nauseous when I do and I wanted to avoid throwing it up accidentally during exams at school. *g* The good thing about it is that I have NO appetite and my mom won't let me eat anything fatty. hehe I love it!
I haven't called a therapist, yet because I can't decide between three: the psychologist recommended one and a hospital (ironically the hospital that my mom cooks for...) and I consider calling a therapist who works closer to where I live. I'll probably wait until the end of next week because I need to focus on my exams and unfortunately my parents couldn't be more unsupportive. Oh well...
Take care!
xxx
Last edited on 6 March 2009 06:23 pm by DaNcEaHoLiC
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Butterfly_Hourglass
New Member
| Joined: | 5 April 2008 |
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| Posts: | 282 |
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Posted: 19 March 2009 11:30 pm |
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Aww, you're such a sweetie. And thank you! It means alot to hear all those nice things. :)
Sorry for the long absence, things have literally been going crazy with me and stuff. XD Lots of my frineds and stuff.
I wish you the best of luck with your therapy and stuff. I know my friend now goes to a professional for her anxiety issues, and she said that it's been helping her a bunch.
-hugs-
If anything, I'm over here supporting you! Keep trying to be happy with yourself, and things will get better.
I promise!
I'm at about 158. -.- Yucky! Although, I'm slightly confused, becuase I know at least part of that is from getting taller and adding more muscle, but also for getting more chub. -.-
Bahhh. I just have to keep trying, I know.
Keep up trying to accept yourself and realizing how beautiful you really are!
LOTS of love.
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DaNcEaHoLiC
New Member
| Joined: | 3 May 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 156 |
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Posted: 22 March 2009 12:20 am |
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How are you? I'm so tired because it's past 1am and I just came back from a dance competition, which was great by the way! The trophy is a bit small and tacky =D but who cares?! I beat Miss Unbeatable! I can't believe I really won because she has won everything ever since she started competing! Ha! I'm thrilled! hehe I'm rather fit for the Worlds next month, my stamina was brilliant today, I was quite surprised! lol
I must say that I didn't call a therapist yet and I don't think I will... maybe I don't have an ED or maybe I'm in denial. I think I want to trust my mum that I'm being stupid and there's nothing wrong with me. The thing is that I only purged twice I think since I told her about the whole thing and I ate rather a lot of sweets without feeling guilty. It's weird but I think I'll just wait to see if it gets worse because at the moment I don't feel like a have a problem, I feel fat but that's it. I don't know what I could get out of therapy but I think especially my mum would be kinda disappointed in me. I wish she would just make the call for me and be a bit supportive.
Anyways, I'll try to eat healthier and go to the gym at least once a week in addition do my daily dance routine from now on! =)
Lots of love!
Sophie xxx
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