| A newcomer in May |
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TrickyRiver
New Member
| Joined: | 3 May 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1 |
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Posted: 3 May 2008 07:29 pm |
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Hi, my name is Kathi.
I'm really discouraged about losing weight, on the other hand, I'm really disgusted with the way I look. We just got back from a great vacation. There was a whirlpool in the bathroom with 360 degree mirrored walls. Gross.
In the same way that anorexics believe they are morbidly overweight and appear flabby, I must assume that perpetual gluttons like me actually believe we look "OK" and aren't anywhere nearly as huge as we really are.
Weight has ALWAYS been an obsession in my family, a bulemic mother , anorexic aunts, and fat, fat, fat : Kathi. To this day, my aunts will shun me in public because I am an embarrasment ..... and I am in my 50's ! Once while in my 20's I weighed 108 pounds - and was STILL too heavy, how could I still where a size 12 and not a size 4 like my aunt !?!?! Size matters 'ya know. Scandalous.
My last attempt at weight loss was 3 years ago with Weight Watchers. I started at 207 with a goal weight of 150. My Dr. said 150 was an OK weight, but that was heavier than the Weight Watchers ideal weight for someone with large 5'4" frame. In 3 months I was down to 175. I continued weekly meetings following the 'points' plan. In the 18 months that followed I flucuated between 173 and 178 - but never lost any more weight. I was told I was on a platue. For a year and a half !?!?! Discouraged and tired of paying the weekly fees. I stopped attending the meetings. Needless to say, I gained back all the weight plus another 20 pounds. I am at my heaviest weight in my life.
Part of me doesn't even want to try. Even IF i do shed a few pounds ..... when they came back - and they will - I will regain what I've lost and more than likely even gain MORE weight. If I'm lucky, I will lose the 50 pounds to get back down to 175. What's next ? 250 instead of 225 ? Should I make my goal an even 300 pounds by my 60th birthday ?
Sorry for all the fatalistic pessemistic jargon, I'm sure whoever may read this would rather hear a rah-rah, aren't I the greatest person in the world, go get'em attitude and I suppose I could sit here and lie and say what the reader might prefer hearing, but it wouldn't be sincere.
Anyhow -
That's where I'm at.
Kathi
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clarinetgurl
Moderator
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Posted: 4 May 2008 02:30 am |
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Kathie, so many people are where you are at, I promise. But I hope you will do this!! For you...not for your stupid aunts :P We all want to be happy and healthy.
Try starting a diary or looking for a lot loss buddy. Ohh, why don't you go join the current weight loss challenge!?
Here...we only want to hear rah rah if that is how you really feel :) this is where you can really talk about it all, and someone is there to listen.
CG
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 4 May 2008 05:36 am |
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A lot of people can identify with you. I've had similar thought patterns. Give yourself a break. Maybe one day you will decide to be motivated. I have lost and regained a lot of weight in the past. I wasn't ready to lose it. This one time I ate 1000 calories and did two hours of taebo and lost 30lbs. in a month. About 3 months later I gained it all back plus an extra 10 lol. So what? I was a big girl, but I loved the way I was and accepted myself. I understand the pessimism and it's okay to feel it. I believe everyone feels that way at certain times. Feelings change, attitudes change and if you want your habits can change too, but not overnight. Plateau? well I think a plateau means you are eating above or below your RMR. Do you know yours? I'm 5'4 too. Medium to large frame. I have never been 108 wow. I was 210 at my highest, but normally maintained 190 on average. You can find inspiration if you look for it. Maybe writing about this can help you. I write about my bingeing episodes in my journal. You can start a on-line diary here and express yourself. At least you will become aware of it.
Last edited on 4 May 2008 05:37 am by miss katz
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