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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 19 November 2009 02:39 pm |
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I am so NOT motivated to lose the last 3 kg. I guess I am so close, that it feels like it doesn't matter.
At least I don't want to gain anything back, then I can concentrate on losing later. I had an unusually fast metabolism last week were I was losing and eating cake at the same time? Very weird. Now I am not so lucky. But as long as I turn out under 58 every morning. I can do it and I want to do it. I want those 20kg gone. I want a slightly flatter stomach. I will and I can. I just need to focus.
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 21 November 2009 03:02 pm |
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Ok. I actually do want to lose those kg now. I really do. 55 here I come. I will look better at that weight definately and I can do it of course. I don't want to settle. And I don't want to settle just because other people are telling me to. So starting from right now I am really back on track.
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 22 November 2009 04:35 am |
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Yes. I'm happy. 57,3kg this morning. Definately on track again.
I hope its not just dehydration but I did eat very light yesterday. Let's see if I can pull it off again today and maybe see a 57,2 tomorrow? As long as I am on my way again.
The only thing is that I have some cinnamon swirl bread I baked yesterday that I have to keep my fingers from. 
I am doubtful again that 55 will be enough to reach. I really want that flat stomach, and it certainly is flatter now! But not quite where I want it. I still want to reduce the love handles. I can go for a BMI of 20 if I want. Right now I am at 22,4. I will have to decide when I get there. I just have to also know that it is not a bad thing if I want to lose more weight. It does not mean I am crazy or fanatic. I am clever enough to know what is reasonable. And anyway if I go by BMI everything should be fine.
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 23 November 2009 02:10 pm |
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Ok, so I was still the same weight this morning which is good. But school is tomorrow so I will prob. mess up my eating. Anyway at least I am close to under 57. And today has been ok but I am not so sure. Lots of just snacking. Eating loads of small meals. Have been doing homework all day.
According to the guys friday night I am "hot" but not pretty.... hmmm... So I said but I want to be pretty. Then they said I could be pretty too. Jup, drunk.
Weird though... I've always thought of myself the other way around... I really must figure out what that means. But the right guy will find me pretty anyhow right?
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 2 December 2009 01:06 pm |
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I sometimes wonder how food became such a huge part of my life. Before my weightloss it was not like that. I am really interested in anything that has to do with weightloss, calories, food, cooking, baking. I don't know why that happened.
I also wonder if I will ever be able to forget food, and just not think about it, but then do I really want that? I think food and nutrition(slightly) is very very interesting.
I'm doing ok, maintaining. Hopefully I am down by the end of the week. I hope I do well for the rest of the day. I'm still getting used to my body. My clothes are way too big... I look down myself and I am slightly confused. Also upset at how much I used to weight.
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 12 December 2009 07:17 am |
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I'm just 2 kg from my goal.
I am so happy, but at the same time not satisfied. I really need to get used to being in my body and I think it will take a long while yet.
Things are going ok. I gain a little, I lose a little but overall I am actually losing so that's great. I won't make my goal by the time I have set it to be, by the end of December, even though if I really concentrated I could, but hey its christmas and I can't be bothered. But then again I have realized that I can actually have big luxurious meals without gaining as long as I am smart about it. If I skip another meal and am smart about my choices. Like yesterday, I didn't really skip a meal but I ate light all day which meant that I could have the great big plate of (the world's best) sushi last night. And fish is light in calories so. Yum 
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 29 December 2009 06:53 am |
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I'm still just maintaining. Eating a little bit of everything. Not really exercising but I do swim every once in a while. I honestly can't be bothered. My eating is all over the place. I don't really have a proper meal but I like it that way. I just snack all day.
I am so happy that I finally stop when I am full. Its amazing. It comes naturally now. What more could I wish for?
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Hiker
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 29 December 2009 03:56 pm |
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| Sqzee, you are so right, you are eating everything and still maintaining; you can't ask for anything more than that. It sounds like you have done a great job at learning portion control and are able to go through the day without thinking about what you can and can't eat. That is a huge milestone, congratulations.
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 13 January 2010 05:16 pm |
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I've just come on here shortly to air something out... A little more personal than normal, but I feel CPH is the only place I can talk about this. I feel really upset. About my weight. About what others think about my looks. About stupid teenage boys who only care about if you are hot or not.
Now I have a boyfriend. And he is not thin, not ripped or toned or anything. He is actually a bit overweight. But I still think he is hot. I still think he is sexy. I still think he is everything I want.
But now suddenly the other guys at school think I am hot. And have to mention it. Even he mentions it. "oh you used to be so fat, you look great now"... Yeah, cause that is totally a compliment... *sigh* no...
Not because it itsn't to some extent, but why does everyone have to rub in my face how FAT and UGLY I used to be? How can they even think that? I don't go around thinking people are ugly. I honestly try to find what I best like about their looks. Especially people I care about. People become beautiful when you start to love them.
I am so SICK of apperances, I am so SICK of people having no idea what weightloss is. Or why I did it. Or how to do it. Its like I am ok to speak to now... now its ok to be interested in me. I get that appearances are important, I think so too, but that fact that they mean that much? I just don't get it. I really don't. I see beauty all around me... are people blind?! Geezzz.
Do guys go around with a scorecard and rate each girl every day? Or once a month? I would rather have someone tell me to my face that they think I have done a great job, tell me to my face that I am beautiful now (although I to some extent think I have always been beautiful), act like they are interested in the process I have gone through, instead of just being another #%@&! to stare at at breaktime.
Or how about "she seems really nice", "she is really smart" "wow she seems interesting, let me get to know her" instead of "wow yeah Sara is really hot now you did great (insert boyfriends name)"
I know I am just seeing one side of it. I know they aren't all superficial and maybe they exaggerate, but I am tired of the comments. I am tired of the notion of being accepted just because I am now the right weight. It is frankly #%@&!. And then people wonder why I don't hang out with the popular people. Me and my "wierd/nerdy" friends. Maybe because I like to be different. Maybe because I like people who liked me at any weight. Maybe because I see beauty in each and every one of my friends unlike them.
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 20 January 2010 03:46 pm |
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Wow ok. My breakdown aside, sorry guys. Thank you Hiker. I think it is too. I am very happy. Of course some days this comes easier than others and I gained just a little.
Which has jump-started the last part of my weightloss. So now I am watching out a little more again. This combined with school I think is a good thing since now I have other things to think about. Because I think what happened is that I maintained for many many days and allowed myself a little on another day and never made up for it. What an evil cycle eh? Anyways its broken now and I want to see a solid 56.0 soon. Currently at 57,1. So here we go. I should be under 57 in 2 days.
Today is good as long as I keep it limited. I even exercised! Even though it was forced :P
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 21 January 2010 01:04 pm |
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Ok so I am actually up 100g. Which sucks but at least I am coming on here and being accountable. And I am putting my weight on the chart again on the other website so I am keeping track.
1 roll with butter
1 glass of juice
Polos
1 piece of chocolate
2 crackers
1 roll with topping
2 crackers
cashew nuts
Ok so I think I have had more than that but I am not sure. We will see what the scale says tomorrow and I still have to figure out dinner tonight. And snacking/dessert for tonight. Its especially wierd that I went up for today since I exercised yesterday.
I have also been incredibly hungry lately. But I am trusting this feeling and eating when I am hungry, and it does sem to work out, I do not let myself eat an extra meal on top of the "I am hungry meal" and I try and pick the right foods so I am still positive and happy I am doing well with things  I need to remind myself of the things I am doing well, instead of just critizing what I am doing wrong.
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 28 January 2010 01:43 pm |
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Ugh. A whole 6 months ago I weighed just 3 kg more than I do now...
I am dissapointed in myself and I have just gained 1 kg. Its coming off and 4 more with it. I will and I can. I know what I need to do because I have done it before. And I have to remember that I have to eat surprisingly little in order not to gain. So I started today and I hope there is a change. 57,8kg. 57,7 kg tomorrow eh? I will check in I probmise. I will take it 100g at a time, 1 kg at a time. I will make it and be there were I want to be.
I won't waste time being mad at myself. Just need to get started again. 
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 29 January 2010 09:03 pm |
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Ok so I was already 57,5 this morning. That's good. I just hope I didn't screw today up. It hasn't been perfect but I have really tried. Didn't even drink that much when I was out tonight with my friends. Like a half shot of vodka and some cider(beer). I hope I can have another good day tomorrow even though its weekend.
I have been thinking about starting to run again. I could just do a really short run to begin with. I went to the gym today to get action hours(requiered by my school) and I was pretty happy about it. I wish I had my own gym equiptment at hime. I wish I could just do one 30min run back and forth. But its been a long time since I could do 30 and even then it was very slow. However I have been using my Wii a bit but Wii tennis is my favorite but it hurts my shoulders so bad.
I can do this.
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Maggie
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 29 January 2010 09:15 pm |
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HI
Of course you can do it.
Love your attitude.
Cheerio
Maggie
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 30 January 2010 05:12 am |
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Thank you so much Maggie!
Today I am 57,2 so that's a real improvement. I am back at were I think is an acceptable weight even though I am striving to lose more. I just had a big breakfast and I hope it can keep me going for a while. I have homework to do, but I don't feel like doing any of it. I can't even start with the easy stuff, but oh well I guess I will have to suck it up and do it anyway. My boyfriend is coming over later so I really need to get my work done because its impossible around him.
Boooyaaaah 57,1 for tomorrow!
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 31 January 2010 12:08 pm |
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Definately not 57,1 today. Instead 57,5. Hmph. I didn't have a brilliant day yesterday but I didn't think it was that bad either? Agg... And I am going to have pizza in a bit as well. What to dooooooooo? Promise for a good week? I can't do that because it really always depends on who I am with and what I am doing. I have figured out that I am really bad at making up for days. Others can do it but I simply can't. I can't sacrifice the next day to make up for one.
Ok so I will just have to live with it and hope for a good day tomorrow. I will check in with the results and be 100% accountable. That is the first and biggest step. I have to keep reminding myself of what it is I have to do, and all the good rules I have taught myself.
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 4 February 2010 06:50 am |
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I have been sick this last week. I haven't been this sick in years. Fever, shaking, cramps, overall I-feel-like-#%@&!.
My fever has gone down now thankfully, but I haven't weighed myself. When you're sick you lose weight, but I don't because I don't really lose my appetite. I have a little but I have been eating fatty foods because its the only thing I have been able to get down. Veggies are just not appealing when you are sick.
Apperantly I not only have a bladderinfection, I also have a stomach infection, or at least an infection on my intestines. Lovely huh?
Its horrible though because I am missing 4 days of school. Which is very detrimental to me. 1 day is bad enough. 1 class is bad enough. I can't afford this argh...
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 12 February 2010 11:16 am |
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Can I go hide in a closet? I have gained and I am so angry with myself. I will not stand this. School trip not good for me. Its 3 o'clock and I will skip dinner og just eat fruit or veggies.
Let's see if I can do that and I will get back to you tomorrow morning about my breakfast which I think now will be mango and pineapple. And then I can plan a good lunch.
I can do this right?
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 13 February 2010 04:15 am |
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58,6kg
So this is my starting point. I've gained just about 2kg from the best I have been. I didn't eat that well yesterday but I did go running and I hope to go again today. I will eat fruit for breakfast and try to drink a big glass of water. I will just take this 1 kg at a time. I feel like a failure already but if I just give up then hey I will gain more! I just want this off.
I am not sure what the best for my motivation is right now. I have never quite figured out what it is I do when I do things well. I think the main thing is to keep myself busy and not think I can let myself have something when I really can't.
I don't know what lunch will be. Maybe some salad type thing or some cooked veggies and bread maybe. Or maybe just some crips bread.
Even though I have been on a school trip I made sure to eat my veggies and its really fantastic for my digestive system so I know the best thing for me is to eat fruit and vegetables. I just feel overall healthier. Fatty foods make me tired and uncomfortable so why why whyyyyyy eat them? 
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 15 February 2010 03:52 pm |
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58,2kg
So that's good. Really good actually and I have been eating healthy. I haven't been exercising though which is less comendable. I ate the best dinner tonight of salad and squid. And I had salad for dinner yesterday. And I've been having fruit for breakfast again. I still snack during the day and have stuff I shouldn't but at least my main meals are now on track and I am telling myself "no".
Let's see how it goes when school starts again tomorrow. I would like to be at 57,6 by friday so then I have lost a full kg. I should plan my meal for tomorrow since I am at school till 5:20. I should make myself a salad to take with me.
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 16 February 2010 11:09 am |
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58,0-58,4kg?
Yeah it wouldn't quite make up its mind. Unfortunately. But ok then. Yeah I think I am doing well. 1 point for good breakfast. 1 point for good snack. 1 point for good lunch. -2 for casava chips that I just had.
Yeah I just totally made up the point system but whatever. It is actually how it works in my mind. No exercise. But that wasn't planned for today either. I am keeping focus and I do think I am doing well. I am definately eating more vegetables and fruit. And even though you can keep at the same calories with other stuff my body likes it so much better when I am getting my vegetables and fruits and when I get different types of each. I am happy, so let's see how I do for tonight
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Hiker
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 16 February 2010 11:56 am |
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| Hi Sqzee, I haven't "talked" to you for awhile so I thought I'd stop in. Looks like you are getting back into the swing of things. I think your point system is a great idea. Whatever works, we need all the tools we can get. It must be hard when you're at school. I give you a lot of credit for working at this so hard. Good luck and I am sure you will be successful becuase you are willing to stick with it.
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 23 February 2010 02:20 pm |
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Thank you Hiker I am so happy there are others out their wanting me to succeed. I hope you are doing well as always. I do actually feel like I am back into the swing of things. I am definately not being perfect but I am reminding myself to get that at least one meals with lots of fruit or lots of vegetables. And replacing things with healthier options.
It is very hard for me when I am in school, because then I need to bring something packed. Which means I have to make it and sometimes by the time I am there its not what I wanted, or I don't have time to eat it. And often I eat it way to early because I am so tired and think I "deserve" it and then I end up being hungry later. I barely have time to prepare food for myself to bring to school and its often very impractical. I live in Tanzania so its hot for one, and also it is something that has to fit in my bag and that I can eat without a plate and so on. I might sound like I am whining but those are really factors in my food choices... Anyway
57,8kg
So not too bad even though that is not where I wish I was by now. I think the key for me is a big breakfast so I don't go hungry at school and pig out when I get home. I am still aiming to get under what my lowest was which was 56,6 so that's just about another kg. So gaining forced me to start losing again  Its good though, I just hope I can keep it going. Its slow as usual but slow and steady can also win the race. It won me 18 kg already
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 30 April 2010 03:54 pm |
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And... I hang my head in shame. Of course I've gained weight since I wrote the last time. I can't even remember when I wrote the last time.
Anyway I am now counting calories. Everyday. (on the danish website I use). I've lost 200g. Whooptiduu. Its not impressive but its ok. I just wanted to check in once again to try and keep myself accountable. Its like starting over. I don't have as much to lose but the way I am going about it is exactly as I did in the way beginning. My theory is that I was succesful with that then, so I can try and use those methods now, even if they can be a pain sometimes. Rather that than gain more.
Cheers
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Hiker
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 30 April 2010 11:08 pm |
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| Hey Squeeze, nice to see you back. It is just as hard, maybe even harder when you only have a little to loose, granted you can get there faster but staying there is not easy. I know that is what I am finding out. Anyway great to see you back.
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