Got up at 6.35am, quick breakfast and out at 7.05am. Set up in the studio. Saffron arrived and we did 1-5, had a break then continued with 6-10. Laura was duty manager and she was hanging in the studio before the class. I eventually figured out how to fast-forward playback on the camcorder. 'OK' seems to be a catch-phrase of mine - one I hope to lose. OK? At pump I survived the 20kg bar all the way through the chest track, for a change. For biceps had the urge to do them against the wall to ensure I wasn't 'swinging'. With the new easier (and more 'correct') way of doing the 'mac raises' I dared to go back to 4kg dumbells for the shoulders track - and just about survived. Afterwards I had a little gossip about Fiona, an instructor from these parts who hasn't been seen for a while who it was rumoured wasn't properly qualified in all the disciplines she practiced - yet she's been seen in a quarterly about 7 months ago so perhaps she's gotten over that particular setback. After leaving the gym I called the trainer from my combat course to clarify some things - to be on the safe side probably best to use 4 people for my shadow video (not 3), I shouldn't use a class situation as I'm not cleared to instruct the public, no need to attach a form but clearly mark it as a 'shadow video'. Headed away from gym (MP3 on) stopped at Holland and Barretts to buy the new product on offer (chopped dates - not the same as the dates from last week).
Home at 12.05pm to find a bunch of produce left by mum. Computer on at 12.26pm - online, eating, produce. Audio 12.54pm onwards: Collings and Herring podcast; standup comedy; Shappy (comedy deriving from multi-cultural Britain); moneybox (divorce special), Inbetweeners (school-based comedy), Today (news), blogs. Mum visited 2.30-3pm (I kept a 'sealent' that might help with future punctures but we decided to return a cycling jacket that was just too big, and a lightweight cycle footpump whose shoddy mechanism meant too much air is lost when trying to disconnect the pump from the tube after pumping it up) even more produce received. By 3.27pm, 573 calories and 904 grams (63 kcal/100g).
Left at 3.35pm to meet up with Rob though he was delayed almost 20 minutes. I was with him for (almost) 2 of his pints which he stretched. I think it is fair to say that we mostly talked about women and dating. He offended me by proposing that I 'relax' and not count calories for a day (tomorrow - the party), offensive to me in exactly the way I expect an alcoholic to be offended by the suggestion they just relax and drink as it is a special ocassion - a complete disregard for the seriousness of my disease and my offense was proportional to the fact that he should know all about it (but he did apologise). Eventually tore myself away from the situation.
Home by 6.25pm - mum had been again in my absence with pineapples from the market. Had plenty of calories left to consume - food 6.35pm-10.45pm: 1277 calories and 2583 grams (49 kcal/100g) - including 2 entire pineapples (1070 grams, 460 calories). By 9.40pm finally refrigerated all the produce. I intended to spend some of the evening selecting veggies to take with me for tomorrow but didn't get around to it. Late-night frustration at being unable to reply to my own diary - if this continues I may have to split it once more! Computer off at 11.25pm.
Nir, these videos are killing me on dialup. I looked at the short one so far. I assume this is a teaching routine. I think you're doing excellent. Really! In fact I was tempted to try it, but my pc is in a small room.
If you're interested in suggestions then I have just one---do more counting. For example, when you do three kicks and a chop, sometimes you might say "1, 2, 3, chop," instead of just 3 kicks in silence and a shush.
I want to look at the first one, but it'll have to be later tonight.
ETA: Watched video #1 tonight. You look like a professional.
Last edited on 25 July 2009 04:56 am by Nancy_in_GA
Nancy, I was on dial-up in 2006 and remember the YouTube experience. Now that I've tasted broadband I'll never go back. Thanks for the feedback.
Friday 24-7-09
Up at 5.45am. Siphened off all 2008 entries into a separate topic in order to shrink this diary enough so that the software would finally allow me to post yesterday's entry (7am). Computer off at 7.13am and back to sleep for a bit.
After 10 days at 1850 calories I'm not happy with my slow and steady weight gains and contemplating that my next calorie move would be downwards. Having said that I got up again and weighed lower at 53kg which I'm more comfortable with so perhaps my higher recent weights are just a reflection of foodstuffs weighing more and are therefore of little consequence.
Up again 9.07am. Computer on and largely online "because I'll be away" 9.35-10.15am. On Wednesday at the pub Nina had a Mocha and I tasted it (3 teaspoons in all) subsequently looking up recipes - these typically involve a shot of espresso (or instant coffee if you're less fussy), chocolate powder (cocoa powder and sugar for sweetness) and a cup of milk (or equivalent amount of milk powder if preparing a 'just add water' powder). I generally avoid milk so I no longer have it around in liquid or powder form (though did briefly wonder whehter I should use Whey powder - the closest thing I have at hand). Anyhow on day 2 of my Mocha mini-obsession of the moment involves instanat coffee, cocoa powder and 3 to 4 artificial sweetner pills and this is slightly more elaborate to prepare as at 330 calories per 100g I do weigh my cocoa powder (the exception is that when I have cocoa from the tub I keep at the OA meeting I just dish an averagely-heaped teaspoon and call it 3 grams).
At 10.20am left (rather late) but this still turned out to be early enough to stand in the queue for Body Step (one of those 'feeling weak' ocassions - that's the other side of the coin: it is possible that after eating at '1800' which was really 2500-3000 calories (because of the potato-related errors) I am now experiencing weakness associated with eating 1850 calories which might not be enough to fuel my workouts - but then again there might be other explanations not related to calories. I guess I won't know unless I can point at days when I'm feeling strong at 1850 calories which I suspect do exist, or if and when I increase calories substantially (which won't be anytime soon well not deliberately anyway). Spoke with Matthew who was on flexible train ticketing and expected to make it there before me - then hit the shower.
Made it home by 12.09pm. Having procrastinated the day before I had less than an hour to get my 'emergency food' ready - this would be approximately 1.6 kilos of veggies (including the boxes - so actually only 1.4 kilos) and one serving chicken. Veggie selection wasn't hard - I just took anything and everything that was already cut-up, in rectangular tupperware boxes and ready-to-eat (all raw). I also had a medium-sized courgette out in the hope of fitting it into the rucksack but this was abandoned due to both space and weight considerations. Weighing myself with and without the bag I established it was just over 12 kilos - the largest single item accounting for this is the non-negotiable laptop and charger (later on people would be discussing 'netbook' as viable alternatives - I looked at these not long ago and I didn't think they represented a good price point for performance - anyhow apparently I owe Matthew (or rather his charity of choice) £50 for a laptop he has now obtained for me which with any luck I can look forward to receiving in the next month or so).
By 12.37pm, 560 calories and 1,260 grams. And after one final 'last ditch' online session I packed the bag (as above) making it out of the door by 1.03pm which felt like cutting it fine for a non-flexible non-refundable 1.25pm train departure. (MP3 on.) There was thunder and lighting and a good deal of rain in the previous hour yet although I got quite wet on the way over to the station I escaped the majority of the flood and surprised myself by making it in plenty of time. On the platform (newly installed screens finally switched on) I counted 8 stops to the first change-over and memorised the names of the 2 stops prior to Stafford where I was getting off - this would prove to be a slow train taking about 90 minutes with a stop every 10 minutes or so. Being a 'London Midlands' train (altogether I have 3 of those and one 'Virgin' train over the next 2 days) it means the bike stays close to me - I put it on Coach B when I got on but ended up seating in Coach A where there was more space (an entire booth with a table to myself) so at Northampton went back to fetch it so it would stay close to me. Only 2 stops on the next train (another slow one - having overshot to the north I was now travelling south).
Having checked with sis whether I can 'play host' in her house and then decided it would make more sense to instead socialise with Matthew and Rob in a pub near the train station (after all, my arrangements to let myself into her house were planned in the vaccum assumption that I'd be stranded in Wolverhamton for hours without company).
Left Wolverhampton train station around 3.35pm. Rain was worse than what I got in Milton Keynes but luckily I located the pub Matthew described relatively quickly and was indoors by 3.45pm. I thought about starting my drinking early but it was Matthew paying for the drinks and he budgetted £2 for the drink he was kindly buying for me so it ended up being a coffee (the double-vodka would have been more than double the coffee and my desire to drink wasn't backed by a desire to spend my own money...) - Matthew had switched to hot chocolates at this point.
Rob showed up an hour later - memorably referring to AA as a religion. Matthew was travelling with 2 bags which together weighed less than mine. Rob was travelling very light indeed possibly at the one kilo mark, if that. Having already gone to the toilet once in the pub I wondered whether I should go again - this was partly about rationing catheters as I only budgeted on using 12 for these 24 hours away and this would make my 3rd toilet visit in under 4 hours. Repeated failed attempts to make contact with sis who evidently had her phone on silent (I later heard what her phone sounds like with the ringer turned on - loud!) though she finally made contact when she was ready. I hurried Rob and Matthew along and we got to the agreed meeting point (stop 'H' at the bus station) and waited for her.
I managed to avoid cycling with that 12 kilo load - it went on the bus. Having just missed a departure they'd be waiting 10 minutes for the next one but I started cycling immediately so had a 10-minute head-start and a fair bit of the way to the house is downhill so I comfortably beat them. I spent this time figuring out how to use the back-door key to get in and then putting the bike at the bottom of the yard. The 4 of us (myself, Galit, Rob and Matthew) were in the house shortly after 6pm and Penny (the dog) hardly acknowledged me, being more enthusiastic about the other 3 - a pattern she kept up consistently - something of a curiousity as this wasn't previously the case. Galit started a long sequence of cooking and food preparation tasks ready to lay on more than a table's worth of food - Rob and Matthew assisted pretty much full time.
I set up my 'station' in the utility room (which used to be the kitchen), similar to my last visit in February: laptop on counter and plugged in and all my food-related equipment on the counter for easy reach (and mostly hidden away from the other party guests). Thus I was occupied doing my own thing and not actually helping with the party preparations. Gal was boiling some new potatos for a mayo-based potato salad (one of the many party foods - later on I would make fun of Matthew who was so concerned over the lack of food that he first contemplated eating in Wolverhampton town centre and later plotted to have pizzas delivered to the party - there was plenty of party food left unfinished!). I asked for a few potatos to myself and directed to her stash of 'older/softer' ones - getting a couple of batches out of it. Pretty much the same thing I do at home but using a normal plate rather than a dedicated microwavable dish - at this point rather concious of this 'waste' of 150+ calories when I should be saving most of it for the large quantity of alcohol I was budgetting for.
A few people dripped in during the next 2 hours but the majority arrived promptly at the official party start time of 8pm. More food (savoury and desserts) arrived with some of the guests (as if there wasn't enough laid out already! I needed reminders for the names of 3 of the guests but otherwise did reasonably well in that department. One person (Mark - from my sister's first post-uni job) was new to me. Altogether there was myself, Galit and Jason, my mates Rob and Matthew, my other siblings Eran and Hadar, Galit's school friend Tessa, uni friend Richard and ex-collegue Mark - the other guests were Justin/Kerry (and a 16-month-old toddler, walking upright unassisted), Nick/Helen and Scott/Jo who are couples from a social group formed around a more recent ex-employer - so that makes 16 guests hopefully I haven't forgotten anyone.
My brother was one of the early arrivals, drawing attention to himself by not leaving the food table alone - very familiar behaviour, exactly how I used to be, very much classic COE (compulsive over-eater) not that anyone would acknowledge it. He described his diet of the moment, staples including tinned chopped tomatos, tinned mushy peas and chicken (purchased pre-cooked). So far he hasn't moved much from his peak (were I calculated him at obese). I didn't know what to expect. He didn't look larger than the largest I've seen him before - and I was expecting something different. Clearly he looks overweight but I guess I was expecting 'obese' to look different. It is probably just my attitude though - after all I was BMI 27 at one point in time, that's roughly halfway between 25 and 30. Either the people I commonly think of as obese are actually morbidly obese or they're unfortunate enough to have non-ideal fat distribution (mostly abdominal). I suspect the former. Regardless, this BMI for my brother (who is no body builder) is unhealthy - he'd need to be 79kg to be in the 'normal' range which he's 15kg away from - yet he only thinks he needs to lose 5kg.
Altogether had 100ml of vodka split into two 50ml servings spiking cups of coffee at 8.14pm and 9.05pm (I had 2 coffees in the morning, 2 in the pub and a further 6 during the party). I was certainly feeling a bit unusual but I had difficulty figuring out whether I was tipsy (low tolerance as hadn't drunk for 5 months), jittery from a caffeine overdose, tired from travel and the sleep situation or a mixture of both. Still had Rob's comments from yesterday (referring to the way I used to drink - peaking early) at the back of my mind as well. Kept waiting for an internal signal of having 'sobered up' before going for my next lot but none ever came.
Shot glasses were distributed amongst most guests (I was one of several exceptions) and there were quite a few rounds (between 7 and 10 at a guess) of simultanous sampling of various things - mostly a selection of my sister's collection of 110 'unusual' flavoured liquors (at an estimated half unit per shot). Back in the october party I had my own assault on said liqours, consuming 13 self-served shots. Compared with straight vodka these liquors 'cost' 3 times the calories for the amount of alcohol (spend approximately 1000 calories and get as drunk as having spent 333 calories on just the vodka).
One of my concerns when deliberating on whether to attend the party would be whether it would feature chocolate so exquisite and special that I wouldn't be able to refuse (as I'm sometimes keen to enforce that rule of avoiding chocolate except for that which is really worth it). Last week's encounter with the 'white chocolate mouse' is demonstration I'm not at that place right now. In fact, no chocolate was on offer at any point - the closest were chocolate-covered biscuit fingers, and a chocolate-covered 'mini tea-cake' (biscuit base, marshmallow centre and jam). I had one of those pre-party around 7pm and another one after midnight (see later). The guest-provided desserts were a 'Tiramisu-and-rhubarb custard' and an assortment of fruit-chocolates-and-marshamallows in cream. I had a tiny teaspoon of each (not bothering to record calories - this was the only recording exception in additon to my usual ones such as omitting spices, diet drinks etc.)
Around 11pm the majority of the party had moved from the kitchen and dining room over to the front room where the parlour game Taboo was played by most. I didn't take part on this ocassion. The game is played in teams - each person in turn is provided with words on cards which they have to have their team members guess correctly by using clues (synonyms) but avoiding certain 'easy' ones listed on the card. I wasn't the only one avoiding the game - for example Richard and Jay were in the adjoining room discussing internet ventures.
At this point I was up to 1224 calories, made the realisation that I probably wasn't going to use all the calories I reserved for alcohol for that purpose and helped myself to another one of my sister's "older/softer" potatos from her stash.
Later (after midnight) I expected to fall asleep imminently. I asked Jay to prepare my 'bedroom' (single mattress, sheet, duvet, duvet cover and pillow were all set up for me on the floor in the upstairs 'dressing room' by the time I finally made it there) and decided to use up what at that point were the last 531 calories - made a list of things I'd consider eating, got the 'extreme rubbish' cravings over with first (another mini tea-cake and 3 peanut M&Ms) and then used bombay mix (an opportunistic snack - I don't have any at home - I mainly classify as rubbish due to the heavy use of refined gram flour and its deep-fried nature) balanced with peanuts (from my stash), hitting my protein target exactly. 396 calories from bombay mix for the whole day.
Despite my concern that I would imminently collapse I stayed up for more than an hour afterwards. Tessa retired to bed before me but otherwise I'd be the most 'lightweight' member of the core group who were staying over in the house. Everyone was back at the kitchen and dining room area which was being tidied and food put away. Several people tried (with different degrees of persistence) to suggest I consumed more. I have a multi-level abstinence - on some days it is very important that all my food is ETL-compliant, and that any unhealthy food I consume is not trigger food (what my binges used to consist of) and these rules were clearly suspended for this party - but I do have a bottom-line abstinence which I protect as though my life depends on it - that of recording my food consumption and sticking to a calorie limit. The last time I didn't stick to a pre-determined calorie limit was in October during the Nashville trip and I still have reservations about that one. The last time I had a lapse in recording was February 2007 which I count as my abstinence birthday. There would be absolutely nothing anyone could have done to have me voluntarily consume more at this point - they were wasting their breath. It was just about my serenity, whether I would pick up any resentment over it and after yesterday's encounter with Rob (acting as if he was completely oblivious to my food addiction) I was prepared for far worse.
In previous parties I spent comparatively more time eating my own food and it felt as though I had made a little bit of progress but I was still exhibiting interaction avoidance behaviours. I wasn't a participant in much conversation but certainly witnessed some interesting ones.
It was around 1.40am when I retired. Just before turning the lights off I discovered a selection of luxuary mini chocolate eggs in the room (just because this is where they keep them!). These were no danger to me at this point, but would they present a challenge tomorrow when I would be eating again? I'd be getting into trouble for stealing but this has not stopped me before. I slightly wished that dilema didn't exist for me. Undressed down to gym shorts before falling asleep. Apparently the others stayed up till 2.30am or maybe even 3am.
Food 6.43pm-0.30am: 1290 calories and 1214 grams (106 kcal/100g). Fibre for the previous 10 days was in the range 64..81, averaging at 73 yet today it was 41 grams, hardly surprising given my ETL non-compliance percentage for the day - calories from bombay mix, vodka, tea-cakes, peanut M&Ms, chicken breast and coffee.
Mid-sleep loo break at 4am. Woke up again after 7am recalling a wierd dream that involved people from my AA meetings, foodstuffs, supermarkets, apologies and film directors in a format that has since slipped my mind. After procrastinating for a while made a start at 7.45am, weighing myself at 52.8kg on sister's scales after a toilet visit. Back in the bedroom I collected everything and 'reversed' downstairs. My plan was to go into one of the two downstairs receptions however they were both occupied (one by Mark, the other by Galit and Jay) so I confined myself to the staircase.
Around 8.30am Matthew woke up and came downstairs and out for a cigarette: this woke up my sister who seeing me on the staircase let me through into the utility room where I was reunited with the laptop. I started on breakfast with coffee (the first of 4 I'd have before leaving), some of my veggies and a third potato from sister's stash.
My sister has a large trampoline in the garden - later on this was prepared for use and both my sisters had a go. I followed on and stayed for perhaps 5 minutes before losing interest. By no means unpleasant but I don't think it could keep my interest for say half an hour. Post-party traiditon is to serve a cooked breakfast ('English breakfast'). My eating standards were higher today - I insisted that my mushrooms were cooked without oil and also had the similarly-grilled tomato. I made an exception for a toasted slice of white bread (and then wished I'd spent those calories on Bombay Mix instead, oh well). Overall I was more impressed by the other components of my breakfast - the freshly-picked strawberries from the garden and my potato wedges. Looking at the state of the veggies I was providing for myself (especially the lettuce and spinach) I wondered whether this was another avenue in which my low self-esteem is expressing itself in terms of the level of self-care that has me eating things that others would have discarded to avoid waste.
The remaining survivors began to assemble. Rob was the only one not awake by the time I left. Richard reported weighing himself at 105kg which made his BMI 33. Once more he confounded me by not looking the way I'd expect an obese person to look. There was no denying he was overweight. Again reflected that my concept of obese is skewed by how common the morbidly obese are these days (indeed some of yesterday's party guests would definitely fall into that category).
Shortly after 10am started the process of 'reversing' out of the house by packing my bag, including the laptop. I remembered to wish sis a happy birthday. Out of the door at 10.27am - 30 minutes before the train departure time. MP3 was on. Mostly uphill - practicing those standing climbs. Got slightly lost but it wasn't an issue as I could see the train station from where I ended up and still made it with 10 minutes to spare. The first train was another slow one. I paused the MP3 player and scribbled some diary-type notes.
At Birmingham New Street station the next train was the platform on the other side but we had to 'download' (what an obscure term for getting off the train then getting on again). This was the only one of 4 legs of the journey on a Virgin Train where the bike goes in a special part of the train - being a high speed train I was only there for 45 minutes. For 40 of those I had the laptop out on a table and plugged in to the power socket (a luxuary only available on this type of train) - more diarising.
At 12.15pm packed up my laptop and followed the train manager to the end of the train where he used his special key to let me out. Outside the station it was sunny - investigated the free 'Music 4U' festival which included live music from local bands and a film tent (short and medium-length films) before heading home - MP3 on.
Home at 12.43pm. Unpacked bag and put things away (of 12 catheters I specifically packed for this 24-hour outing, I used 11), reconnected computer, renewed library books, attempted to contact class co-ordinator of other gym via text, caught up with CPH, emails and blogs, re-loaded MP3 (now down to 3.5 hours of backlog). As I took all my ready-to-eat veggies (about 1.6kg) on the trip and they were all gone performed a full fridge scan (lettuce effort disproportionate). Ate throughout the afternoon (potatos impacted on time spent and calories).
3.20pm-3.50pm mum visited with shopping (7 kilos popcorn) discussing amongst other things brother's weight, women's vanity clothing sizes and the concept of retirement for a home-maker - she returned later still with 11 soft nectarines from the market (we went halves on a bowl). Mum asked how my Body Combat was going - when recently asked I find it difficult to answer positivel - the clock is ticking, my technique is still flawed, I have yet to organise a time where 4 volunteers are available to perform a recording and am repeatedly avoiding the opportunity to practice my technique at home.
Audio in the afternoon session initially was MP3 player and later Radio 4 programs (Bigipedia, Cabin Pressure, Now Show; Give Me The Moon, Moneybox; Today Program - labour party, motoring taxes, swine flu, assisted suicide) and blogs (Tabada protocol, AA big book, binge eating, NHS research reviews). Silence from 6.05pm after this 5-hour 'session' - diarising. Computer off 6.30pm. By 6.55pm, 1,192 calories and 2,560 grams (47 kcal/100g).
Left at 7pm with MP3 on, arriving 7.15pm at AA venue with a pre-meeting chat with an unfamiliar member who turned out to be the guest chair (and a good one at that - memorably mentioning a career change from a sales director for some company to the rather different role of a Carer for sick or disabled people which he found more personally rewarding). I contemplated sharing and this would have touched on my first drinking for 5 months - though I wasn't burning with desire to share so I just listened. No desire for MP3 on way back.
Home at 9pm. Food 9.04pm-9.54pm (yes, a meal in under an hour, woohoo!): 658 calories and 890 grams (74 kcal/100g). Food in silence - remaining 5 nectarines, a couple of potatos, two slices of wholemeal bread and then raw peanuts and chopped dates to the finish line. Computer & lights off 10pm.
.... and am repeatedly avoiding the opportunity to practice my technique at home.
Isn't that called avoidance behavior? Been there, done that, many times. You will regret it if you let it win. Better to practice. But you already know that, don't you?
BTW, if I hadn't read your diary and only looked at video #1, take 003, I would have said that you know the routine so well that you are a bit bored with it. Does that surprise you? Of course I would be a novice at combat. What level of experience will your class have?
That is an astute observation. I started learning tracks 1 and 2 in mid-May so that's more than 2 months ago. I know the choreography. I'm supposed to be practicing the layers that go above it - perfect timing, martial arts technique and safe posture and joint alignment and finally coaching (saying things). And even there I've been practicing for a while. Anyhow as my entry for Sunday will attest I did finally get in some practice in the studio in front of the large mirror.
Up at 2am (partly through choice) - baked potato (once more contemplating which of chewing and swallowing is the 'saner' behaviour - perhaps it is large mouthfuls combined with thorough chewing) and computer on for 3.5 hours of diarising and ocassional potato consumption. At 5.30am connected - upload diary, online catch-up. Reboot 6.10. Soaked 370g lentils. 6.20am computer off and back to sleep.
Up again at 8.25am. Drained the lentils and started to cook them (poured kettle-boiled water over them). Boiling point unconvered by 8.44am (on mark 6) - dropped to simmering covered at 8.57am (sometimes 1 was enough, at times had to increase to 2). Had a taste 9.05am and again at 9.14am - heat off at 9.19am (that's 35 minutes after they first boiled). Last time accidentally drained cooking liquid but this time salvaged 700ml of lentil 'stock' which was enjoyable to drink. 370 grams of dry green lentils produced 924 grams cooked which is a factor of 2.5 for the weight (and similarly for volume - from one tupperware container to 2.5 of them).
Mum returned my call - I originally wanted to know how much water to use, which she didn't clarify particularly well. For some reason we both thought lentils take 45 minutes to cook - mum looked up instructions on her packet (which turns out to be identical to mine but I didn't spot them earlier) which state that soaking time is 12 hours and cooking involves bringing to a boil and simmering for 15-20 minutes (contradicting our memory that lentils need not be soaked at all). Mum was of the opinion that I should have cooked them from cold (starting with cold water), that perhaps my limited soaking (2.5 hours and not 12) should be compensated for with more cooking, that it was dangerous to taste them before they're fully cooked (I tasted at 21 and 30 minutes after boiling started) - so we didn't agree on much. Arguably the lentils were still a bit too hard 'al dente' at 21 minutes (well one of them was). Later I'd look through my 'files' for a Sainsbury's packet stating: "no soaking required - boil for 10 minutes - simmer for 15-20" so perhaps 10 minutes boiling can substitute for 12 hours soaking, or perhaps these are two different types of green lentils, and then again perhaps one set of instructions is right and the other wrong. Either way though the two sets of instructions agree that simmering is 15-20, not 30-45. We must have been thinking about something else (red lentils? marrowfat peas? not sure).
Restored my microwave-steamer accessory back to life by discovering that the little holes can be opened up by cleaning it with a scouring pad.
Packed 3 tupperware containers of veggies in a light backpack and headed out at 10.07am, getting to the bletchley meeting in a record 27 minutes (thanks to standing climbs - also became more aware of and did my best to avoid wrist flexion when gripping the handlebar). Just before leaving I placed the headphones in my ears and could have turned the MP3 player on at any time in case I 'needed to' - but instead respected myself and enjoyed the silence. Going past a roadside memorial I recalled how Phil grieved for a woman he liked who died in a car accident and how at the time I was unable to feel much about this person who I've also met - the emotional numbness factor. Early enough to be allocated a reading - Traditions (that's twice in 2 days). The USDA database claims coffee is 250 calories per 100g of powder yet the figure in my calorie counter is 100 - am I lying to myself? Well the NesCafe jars in the kitchen had nutritional info and it turns out it is just 63 calories per 100g (perhaps the US figures are correct for a typical US product - I couldn't say) so I feel vindicated. I placed a chair facing me so I could access my 3 tupperware containers without showing them to the rest of the meeting though unlike last week I didn't eat for the majority of the meeting and still had 2 containers' worth of food to take back home.
Theoretically I've heard this chair 4 weeks ago (on June 30th) but that was the meeting I almost fell asleep at and besides you get twice as much time to chair at the Sunday meeting - it was a different experience. I don't think I've ever identified as much with any other chair. I made a sequence of memory-jogging notes as they went: (recalling-your-rock-bottom low-self-esteem skipping-self-care isolation lack-of-focus travel-as-excuse making-time-for-addiction homeless-hostel university-experiences counselling unhappiness-in-job making-injury-worse obsessions OCD-and-checking survival-vs-achievement being-odd-one-out denial pub-low-quality-conversation drinking-for-confidence a-doomed-relationship). Despite and perhaps because I had so much to share I decided not to do it (and you could read low self esteem into this, or as per yesterday to do with having recently drunk) but I did catch the chair after the meeting and told them I appreciated it and found lots to identify with.
Homeward without MP3 - nothing good at Tesco; got aubergines at ASDA. Out of curiosity went throught the World Foods isle to find out how foods were classified - Halva is in the 'mediterranian' section (never mind that this particular product is made in Brussels) and the popcorn is in the Afro-Carribean section (who would have guessed?). I was tempted by 'Bamba', a puffed snack made from peanuts (and corn and oil) which was on sale for 20p - was found in the Kosher section. Incidentally the packet is labelled 25g - beware of such lies as there was almost 29g of prudct inside - 15% extra. The Bamba snack cost me 158 calories - I didn't note a feeling of guilt when buying or later when consuming it.
mum asked me to describe the cordless phone feature I was after (hands free), evidently still hoping to buy me a birthday present (which will of course be welcomed if it appears even if I am now 36 and a quarter)
Home 1.37pm where I'd stay for just under 3 hours. I ate and diarised - I am aware that I'm spending too much of my time writing this overly-detailed account of my life that I ought to do it differently. At 2.15pm briefly spoke with Nina (who won't be coming to the gym tonight). Some vegetable preparation (notably lettuce) 3.30pm-3.50pm. At 4.10pm heard back from that other gym's co-ordinator who I've been chasing up (another 'no', unfortunately). By 4.17pm, 1,038 calories and 1,742 grams (60 kcal/100g).
Headed for gym at 4.25pm. Identified Ben on the front desk as Duty Manager and let him know I'd be practicing in the studio. Set up for Step and Pump then turned on the stereo and practiced tracks 1 & 2 (on the stage but facing the mirrors!) three times through - 2nd and 3rd times were visible sharper compared with the first go. Given how good I've become at practice avodance I was pleased with myself for the effort I put in! I was also sweating and wondered how this would impact on my workout. Dave came in and we chatted about classes (his favourites are Step and Jam - he's just re-introduced himself to Pump and Combat which are lower on his list. My list would be Combat, Step, Pump, Jam so I guess we both have Step in our top 2 and Pump in our bottom 2 (but then again I may not adore Pump but I still do it religiously 3 times a week because it gets results).
Jason was a bit of a diva on track 5 (going back to I think the previous release he insisted there were no punch-arms in a bit I remember quite well). He then proceeded to completely forget track 6 of the same release and slightly fluff the current track 6 but brought it home - as soon as things started to go wrong at 6 I was fully on his side. On 9 (see my comments for last Sunday) he has obviously re-watched the DVD and corrected his arms which made me happy. After setting up my station I made him a bar as a peace offerring of sorts. Pump was a mix of releases - none from the new one but a few teases (e.g. triceps was an old one that is structurally very similar to the current one). I managed 20kg for chest, 12.5kg for biceps and 4kg for triceps and shoulders. Overall I was strong for my workouts (unlike Friday!). Placed my jacket, shoes and top in a carrier bag and then changed from shorts to swimming trucks in the toilet so I could get to the poolside whilst bypassing the changing room - I thought a member of staff was going to have a go at me for this but they were just making friendly conversation. At the Sauna explained to Nas why Kelly was missing and heard him discussing with his mate why as a 21 year old he wouldn't date a 16 year old - 18 is his minimum but on the other hand he's happy to go as high as 40. Unusually the Sauna wasn't too hot and I climbed up to the top shelf. Used the changing rooms to transform myself back to outdoor clothing. Light rain as I cycled back.
Home at 7.57pm; diarised. Food 8.28pm-9.40pm: 812 calories and 1278 grams (64 kcal/100g). A respectable time frame given that 10 batches of potatos (including experimentation with chocolate, banana, coffee and cinnamon) preceeded the lentils. Compliance percentage was affected by Bamba and Turkey. (Wouldn't have had the turkey slices if I knew I'd be cooking lentils - out of 924g of cooked lentils only eaten 129g today - will endevour to eat more tomorrow.)
9.46pm-10.21pm audio and online catch-up (yes I actually stayed completely audio-free the whole day before this half-hour session and felt very good about this). Computer off 10.23pm - bedtime 10.35pm (not because I was tired but because I was out of calories and didn't fancy reading my book).
Awake at 2.30am, tried switching to the heavy blanket to promote sleep but it wasn't happening, 3am start. Froze 4 x 100g servings of lentils to take the pressure off - leaving 370g refrigerated (no idea how long cooked lentils stay fresh in the fridge - probably 48 hours).
First thing in the morning 1.6 kilos of potatos remain and will likely all go today. Mum probably still reluctant to dig again in the allotment as last time a fair proportion proved to be disappointingly small. I could buy a large sack or a small bag in the market or (shock horror) try a few potato-free days with more calories coming fom wholegrains (popcorn, bread, crackers, muesli, oats etc.), dried fruit (dates and raisins) and legumes (lentils). After 13 days at 1850 calories I'm a bit disappointed as just sticking to 53.5kg feels like a challenge, never mind seeing lower numbers - I am torn as things looked better at 1800 but then again much of that period was sans potatos - I'm comparing apples and oranges (and potatos, ha ha). Certainly if you asked me a year or two ago if I had a problem with potatos I would have looked at you in a funny way "you must be kidding". What would make me happier - a scale that plays by my rules or more potatos? Not that my behaviour around the scale is entirely sane, it is all very well wanting to increase my strength and gain muscle but I want to do this without gaining any weight (hello?). Why is it that my self-worth is tied up with the ability to reduce my weight in such an irrational manner? Not much difference between 1850 and 1800 so if 1850 is acceptable for strength surely 1800 will be as well? I am undecided. Had this 30kg batch of potatos for exactly 3 weeks - an average of 1.4kg consumed per day.
Chocolate-potato seems to work better when applying syrup and cocoa powder after cooking rather than beforehand. Also a side-by-side experiment with 14.5 calories of popcorn, chopped dates, sunflower seeds and potatos. Popcorn as ever the clear winner but they all put in worthy performances if you actually stop and chew them.
Researched Halifax ISA (4% fixed for 4 years); popped out to get cash from ATM; Nap 7.06-7.45am; Thursday's food featured lots of beetroot - today is Monday 4 days later - should my 'output' still be red? Is it normal for the colon to work this way? am I constipated? I already am drinking approx 2 litres of liquids but will try to drink more and see if this has any effect.
Restarted reading the low self-esteem book; At 8.50am practiced my tracks in the mirror - just 13 minutes to go through it all and I feel better about myself. 9.15am outing - explored my local store for the first time items generally somewhat overpriced with the exception of those where a price is printed on a the packaging (15p for a small chocolate bar, £1.25 for a frozen pizza etc.). A selection of staples like rice so it isn't all non-ETL stuff - but the majority is). Queued at the bank got a trainee cashier who didn't know how to do want I wanted them to do - got transferred. Holland and Barretts was late to open and their till didn't work but the girl took my money for another packet of chopped dates; walked over to the change machine to get £20 in £1 coins (reading whilst walking). Back home at 10. At 10.35am did a fridge sweep concentrating on the vulenrable leafy veggies (lettuce, spinach, chard). Brief online session 11.40-12.03pm.
Nap 12.55-2.20pm; food; tried adding Whey powder to my coffee-cocoa Mocha-like drink, my big mistake was to add it to the boiling mixture (it curdles - perhaps next time dissolve first in cold water!). Half-hour of reading. Started getting ready at 3.40pm; collected courgettes from mum's car; practiced tracks 1 & 2 in the mirror. By 3.50pm, 1,052 calories and 2,025 grams (52 kcal/100g).
Left for gym at 4.21pm - practiced tracks 1, 2 and 3 in front of the mirror in Studio 1. Had a chat with saffron (including my non-consumption of milk). Shey a little late - I think I'm getting slightly better at Jam. Moments before Combat Shey told me to just shadow (no previews). If you've paid any attention to previous entries you know what a big deal this is for me, pretty much the difference between teaching and participating, showing off and being average. In a way I'm lucky I've already processed this matter relative to other teachers plenty of times so I just got on with it - had to be extra-aware of what I was doing as I've been practicing with previews all the time. Could this be why I sweated less today than last week? Anyhow obviously it was still fun to be on stage.
Afterwards decided to try the Bletchley Monday AA meeting (I've never been). MP3 on for journeys there and back. Stopped at ASDA where I got some wholemeal rolls for 10p - and then at Tesco where I bagged an entire basket full of wholemeal bread loaves for just £1.37. Carrying about 3 kilos of bread on left and right handlebars respectively I struggled on to the meeting - barely had time for a coffee before the meeting started. The chair has been in the rooms and sober for 6.5 years and whenever I've heard them share it has always been super-positive so it was a welcome perspective to hear a lot of what it was like (like me he did well in school without much effort and found uni comparatively more difficult and uncomfortable). I didn't share - just listened and got a lot out of the shares. A member was sharing some mini-plums (the size of grapes) they've picked and I helped myself to a few there and a handful taken away. It was dark so I cycled back on paths and side roads, taking about 35 mihutes.
Home at 10.17pm, ate the rest of the potatos, checked I had nutritional info for all the different breads, reheated lentils and had them with sweetner and cinnamon, stuffed ~6 kilos of wholemeal bread product into 2 drawers of freezer. Food 10.20pm-11.44pm: 798 calories and 1020 grams (78 kcal/100g) - potatos, lentils, dates, popcorn. Online at 0.10am; also reloaded MP3 (less than 2 hours remain!). computer off 1.08am.
Up at 4am after less than 3 hours sleep. After switching to heavy blanket eventually managed to get back to sleep. Up again at 6.35am - for breakfast tried the cocoa-coffee-sweetners-Whey Mocha idea this time taking care to stir the mixture in cold water until dissolved before adding hot water - no curdling but nothing to write home about so probably not worth the exposure to dairy. Had lentils with tandoori spice mix and tried to toast a wholemeal roll which caused it to expand in the toaster, stick to the sides, burn a little and a real hassle to get out (next time: defrost in microwave for 30 seconds and then slice in half to reduce the width!).
This morning I weighed a kilo less than yesterday - but why? Counting my drinks I see that Sunday featured 8 cups and Monday featured 10. Food weight was comparable with only 145g reduction in the weight of the late-night meal. Could consuming just 2 more cups of liquid make that much difference to motility and thus weight? I remain baffled (and will continue the drink-more experiment).
To the gym at 7.05am. Those safety pins in the large rucksack proved immediately useless so long term the bag needs retiring. When I got to Studio 1 I found a girl (evidently a dancer) practicing her moves so for the first time I went into studio 2. Had to figure out how to remove the child safety covers on the electrical outlet. Saffron helped me out. Camcorder unexpectedly stopped recording after 5 minutes so I only have a record of the 2nd half of the workout. First time I've taught it in 5 days but I was generally doing well. Talked to Saffron about how I used to keep up with music of the day but don't anymore - instructor Kelly showed up to participate in Pump and would be willing to feature in my Shadow video - that leaves me needing to find 2 more people. Didn't feel weak in Pump. Afterwards tried a PowerPlate 'class' - I think there's confusion over when these classes are (the computer-based info doesn't match with the timetable physically posted in that area) which might explain why I was the only person there, shown 9 different things - one to one attention meant more technique correction for me - we then repeated the 'circuit' to pad the time to 20-odd minutes and I was off - MP3 on for ride home.
Home at 11.19am - eating and preparing food (keeping up with the lettuce on a daily basis certainly seems like a smart move given its condition and the amount I have!). Computer on from noon.
I wanted to see cost per 100 calories for various (high-calorie) foods options of the moment:
chopped dates (current sale) 9.33p
red kidney beans (tin) 8.51p
lentils (guessing £3 for a 2 kilo bag) 6.74p
rye crispbread 6.06p
bread - economy 4.55p
potatos (25 kilo sack) 2.90p
popcorn 2.64p
white sphagetti 2.48p
salted peanuts 2.25p
white rice 2.16p
muesli 1.78p
oats 1.69p
bread (premium but at reduced price - from yesterday) 1.14p .. 1.50p
First observation is that despite the wide differential between most expensive 9.33p and cheaptest 1.14p, I should be able to afford it all without much quibbling - 1850 calories from dates would be £1.73 a day (£12.08 a week). With the cheapest of yesterday's reduced-price bread we're looking at £1.48 to supply calories for an entire week - wow that's cheap. We're not looking at any fresh fruits or vegetables here, which probably cannot be plotted on the same scale but then again I'm not trying to get 1850 calories from these - the main thing is to get about 900g (2lb) of non-starchy veggies per day to satisfy Eat To Live guidelines - regardless of calories. The potatos are fresh though and quite a reasonable price.
After dried fruit, the next most expensive are legumes - tinned and dried. Quite a differential in the grains department with more processed products like crispbreads much more expensive than basics like oats (the most expensive grain would be boxed breakfast cereals). Potatos at 2.90p and salted peanuts at 2.25p are cheap enough (presumably because they are considered staples and are mass-produced) so I could use these if I wanted a less grain-dominated diet (and indeed legumes even those are 2-4 times more expensive but still viable). Bread isn't all that cheap unless reduced in price. Although some things are too expensive for me to feel comfortable about (a variety of nuts, seeds, dried fruits) there are still plenty of options that are easy on the pocket even in these tougher times.
At 2pm copied a few Gersham College lectures to MP3 player to avoid running out of audio when out and about, then went online. Caught up by 3.46pm. Reloaded MP3 player - it now has 3 hours (+ 5 hour lectures). Learnt via online chat with sis that at least 7 out of 16 party-goers had food poisoning 1-2 days afterwards (which food caused this hasn't been established). Audio included the book Sassykat linked to (Chlorela Factor) + 'The Ultimate Weight Loss Guide' article on CalorieCounter.com. Computer off 4.30pm.
At 4.45pm went out to meet mum who brought allotment produce (lettuce spinach beetroot raspberries radish) then walked with her to the market where I bought fruit (pineapple grapes banana kiwi) and received a few gifts from her purchases (avocados and peppers). Home at 5.11pm working on putting things away (and sampling everything too). Audio as well 5.35-6.45pm. Finally everything refrigerated and put away by 7.20pm. Chatted to sis on phone - got disconnected then realised how late it was. By 7.20pm, 1,390 calories and 2,398 grams (58 kcal/100g).
At 7.44pm left for AA meeting (MP3 on). Looked at Penguin chocolate-covered-biscuit-bar whilst getting a coffee - sat down then went back and grabbed one - put it in my pocket for later. During the chair made a bunch of scribbles (resentments-in-meetings just-make-a-decision going-back-on-decisions low-self-esteem-OR-crossing-the-line moderation experiments drinking-alcohol-whilst-attending-AA not-a-normal-drinker). Chair mentioned a resentment about smokers taking a mid-meeting smoke break - sure enough a couple of people left for a break just after the end of the chair (I got up too - needed the loo!). There was one gap which I didn't jump into so once more didn't share - I've obviously recently been 'experimenting' with eating non-ETL foods (I know I won't binge - but will they cause food obsession again?), similarly with audio and multiple online breaks, and repeated exposure to alcohol (though arguably my primary reason for avoiding it is unease given my attendance of AA meetings - hardly a compelling reason - though drinking has led to binges previously and I went over calorie targets last October on a couple of days that included drinks) anyhow the low self esteem angle is that perhaps I've been beating myself up and trying to be 'perfect' for example only eat healthy, is there a compelling reason to be 100% compliant or can I eat bad stuff "in moderation"? It is funny how resolved I am in my commitment at times and then not at other times. I would have also shared about the resentment I had against 2 OA/AA members when they suggested I gave the program a go (how dare they... ha ha) one of those people was in the meeting tonight! Ok I didn't share but at least the meeting made me think. Helped for a while putting chairs away then left (MP3 off).
Home at 9.28pm. Putting the Penguin Bar in my pocket meant it was partly melted - ate it nevertheless then switched to fruits and veggies for the rest of the evening. Audio was radio comedy sketch show. At 10.15pm started on MSE, learning about a fixed-rate (5%) regular savings account (must deposit £25-£500 per month). At 11.30pm all caught-up online - also diarised. Food 9.35pm-11.08pm: 460 calories and 1048 grams (44 kcal/100g) - including 102 calories from the Penguin bar. Computer off 0.13am.
Up at 8am. Another drop (0.5kg) wondered whether this could be related to sodium (in the spices I had with the potatos which I skipped yesterday) anyhow will try to continue the extra-liquid experiment. Yesterday eating that biscuit seemed OK this morning I wouldn't put that rubbish in me. Which one is the 'real' Nir? Breakfast was the rest of yesterday's beetroot protein-balanced with kiwi and pineapple.
At 8.51am left for the gym, practiced tracks 1 and 2 before Body Step. My workout was so-so, Sam - returning to the gym 15 days after giving birth - seemed to have lots of energy as she did the entire workout (high step, high impact, sit ups etc.) the instructor joked 'we hate you for looking so good immediately after being pregnant' it is true that some women look somewhat rounder after pregnancy - Sam was working out practically till her due date (and instructing too). On the way home (MP3 on) stopped at Holland and Barretts for more dates and at a branch of Halifax bank as well.
Home at 11.17. Another lettuce sweep. Audio 12.15-1pm. Longish online session. Rest 3pm-5.45pm (obviously needed it!).
By 6.37pm, 1,153 calories and 2,430 grams (47 kcal/100g).
Left 6.44pm. Nina was absent - she got stranded at a petrol session without means of paying for her petrol but someone came her to her rescue. Angela didn't want me on stage said she might do in future when she's more comfortable with the release. Saffron took matters into her own hands and organised recording of my shadow video for Sunday because I obviously was too undecisive to pick a date - great to have friends who care. Still enjoyed the workout. Afterwards bumped into Nina and we went to the pub - I had a couple of coffees (total spend £3.27) and home by 9.35pm.
Food 9.36pm-11.49pm: 697 calories and 1418 grams (49 kcal/100g). Calories mostly from fruits and vegetables. About twice as many veggies as target (for satiety and protein).
A large filling had unexpectedly fallen out of the right side of my mouth. It doesn't yet hurt so I'm thinking of not acting on this until the next check up but will obviously change my mind if it does start hurting. This might be the one the dentist warned me won't likely last and will need a 'crown'. Got Nash's weekly call (9.54-10.54pm). Listen to the radio 11.30-midnight. Computer off at midnight. MP3 off 0.12am - bedtime shortly after.
Up at 6.25am. Breakfast was raw spinach, lentils, and fruit salad. Headed out 7.07am to practice with Saffron. Marie and Saffron confirmed availability to shoot video Sunday lunchtime. Already tired before Pump started. Took squat weight down to 25kg, dumbells for triceps and shoulders down to 3kg. Skipped Body Balance to head back early - MP3 on.
Home by 10.49am. Decided to increase calories to 1900 from today. Leafed through the council tenants magazine before going online; listened to the Leigh Peele podcast; scanned my lettuce mountain; no more courgettes - some pest is attacking them at the allotment.
Computer off 1.03pm for a much-needed lay down. Up at 1.47pm. Made arrangements with Rob which then got delayed by sudden heavy showers - once those calmed down I left at 2.15pm meeting Rob, Tim and Tim's collegue whose name escapes me. By 2.30pm, 775 calories and 1,581 grams (49 kcal/100g). After 3pm mum picked me up from the pub to LIDL - we tried for a £30 shop to claim our 17% discount but were both stuck for what to buy that A) we actually needed B) that wasn't cheaper elsewhere C) that it makes sense to stockpile - that won't expire. Certainly this would have been easier if I had still been a regular drinker of alcohol or eater of junk food (or if LIDL remained competitive in some of the staples I used to buy from them). My total ended up at £5.48 (and this included 98p of non-food items: bleach) even this total included something of a treat (both in terms of cost and in terms of strict ETL compliance) - dry roasted peanuts. Mum's total was around £10. At 4.30pm got dropped off at the pub to spend a bit more time with Rob (one subject arising was teeth health - Rob warned me about the danger of doing nothing).
Home at 5.45pm, I decided to write off the planned Punch class and stay at home. The evening featured audio. Online catch-up till 7pm. Food 5.45pm-8.16pm: 1125 calories and 1158 grams (97 kcal/100g) - focus was fruit, dry roasted peanuts with some lentils and wholemeal bread. 8.23-9pm chat with Hadar who was returning from a training day - and then it was bedtime.
Finally up at 8.07am after 11 hours of rest which featured 4 (!) mid-sleep interruptions i.e. 5 segments of sleep. After yesterday's +0.5kg rise I got a -1kg movement. (Possible factors: late weight-in; yesterday's food weighed less) this despite the 50 calorie increase. (Ate breakfast, prepared foods, diarised, got ready, audio was (old) MP3s of OA loops I'm no longer subscribed to.)
Left at 10.18am. Saffron told me one of my volunteers has dropped out so now I'm counting on everyone else still making it. Still felt weak for my workout is it possible that 1900 calories are still not enough for what I do? (clearly I'm not sleep-deprived today). Certainly it will be fun to consume more calories if it turns out I need more calories to merely maintain my weight and supply sufficient calories for my workouts so I'm rooting for that option but I'm sticking to my policy of only increasing calories gradually to avoid fluctuations (I have enough of those already, thank you very much). I was told about a stationary bike event and asked to participate but when I got there discovered it was a pay event - though walking there I did pick up a miniature box of wholegrain cereal which I had when I got home at 12.07pm.
Online and radio from 1pm. Caught up with online things and out of radio by 2.30pm. Audio continued till 3.12pm when I switched the computer off. A brief attempt at rest and then soaked some marrowfat peas for tomorrow and back online to look up their nutritional information. Continued with some food experiments (one of those was food-processed raw cauliflower with cocoa powder and sweetner).
By 5.40pm, 1264 calories and 2,651 grams (48 kcal/100g).
Left at 5.55pm, walked the length of the shopping centre to the John Lewis enterance and stood there reading until my lift showed up. The OA meeting numbered 7 - 4 of us shared. There is a 5 minute sharing limit and about 35 minutes are reserved for sharing so there was quite a bit of silent time. I went to the toilet and then picked up my self-esteem book, something I was later taken aside and chastised for ("you're disrespecting the meeting") well there are other meetings and as it is I'm already discouraged from making this one every week as it is hard to get to this isn't making me more likely to make the effort. I did more reading of my book in the quiet bit of the meeting than at any other time in the day. Home by 8.05pm.
Food 8.12pm-9.12pm: 636 calories and 537 grams (118 kcal/100g). I crave fruit but it isn't the most satiating of foods. Earlier in the day ate proportionally higher protein (19% of calories) and the plan was to mostly eat fruit for the final meal but had a change of heart and shoe-horned some popcorn and wholemeal roll instead of some extra bananas and dry-roasted peanuts to give it a more 'substantial' feel (ending slightly above protein target). Devoting 43% of calories (814) to fruit leaves me hungrier than if they weren't there or weren't as prominent. From 4 different types of fresh fruit on Tuesday afternoon I'm now down to just bananas (as well as dates and raisins in the dried fruit department). Hopefully I'll only eat bananas when I have the calories and am _no_longer_ hungry! Bedtime was 9.20pm.
Up at 6.45am (after 3 mid-sleep interruptions). First order of the day was to cook the marrowfat peas I soaked last night - hob on from 6.47 till 8.02: boling point 7.01-7.16 and simmering after with several tasting attempts. Meanwhile got ready to go out and did various other experiments (for example chocolate-chard and chocolate-courgettes).
Left at 8.10am. Had my pre-workout shower and sauna. Before the workout talked to Marie about calories - she thinks I should 'listen to my body' which translates as an immediate increase in calories. (In a way this is going to happen in the short term as I suspect I'm going to be somewhat generous to myself the way I do my accounting with 'marrowfat peas' both in terms of the number of calories per 100g and in terms of over-cooking them.) Enjoyed both combat and pump. Original plan to cycle to the lunchtime AA meeting at newport cancelled due to threat of rain conveyed to me by Marie, mum and an online forecast.
Instead stopped at the market to establish a base point for 2 kilos of dried legumes of any time - this was £2.50 (for dried peas, actually). Also spotted a microwave oven for just £5 - the one mum recently gave me is showing some alarming signs of being on its last legs so this seemed like a sensible move. As I was wheeling the oven home in a trolley it made sense to also get a sack of potatos into the deal. Stopped off at home 12.20-12.55pm, carrying these heavy items upstairs, tested the oven (which seems to work) before emerging out again.
Passed an ice-cream stand which has a tease sign "ask for a sample" so I did - a teaspoon of Tiramisu ice-cream which was very nice. Of course I wasn't going to buy any, whatever the outcome! I walked over to the market where I chained my bike and cycled over to the oak tree where an OA member was due to sing a few songs but soon gave up on that idea as I didn't have the precise performance time and had things to do. Got some cash out at an ATM and home again 1.26pm.
MP3 on since leaving the gym at 11am involved listening to files I've previously assumed I'd never listen to given that they were generated from text streams I no longer follow (GreySheet Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous and Emotions Anonymous email 'loops') and I was finally done with those, shortly after 1.30pm I started listening to (an old) CPH diary (which also falls into that category) as these were the only MP3 files I readily had (apart from lectures which I didn't want to get into). An online session generated about 2.5 hours of 'fresh' MP3 files which I later uploaded to the player.
I keep shuffling items on my to-do list and one in particular has been teasing me for over a month, the prospect of re-listing the lady's top I spent £13.20 buying in error was daughnting as I've never been an eBay seller but this proved to be 'doable' - done by 2.50pm ( http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=280379967826 ) at a cost of 27p (plus 10% of the sale price if it gets sold).
There was a steady stream of foods eaten and audio listened to throughout the late afternoon. I made some headway but probably only managed to wash half of the potatos in the sack (and refrigerated even fewer) - then just before 7pm parents showed up with lots of produce - 2 large bags spinach, one large bag of lettuce, some beetroot, raspberries and what turned out to be a winter squash (a green relative of the butternut squash). The trader who sold me the microwave oven was more forthcoming with mum suggesting that there might be safety concerns (I've placed it on a shelf - it is a spare not currently in use). Let dad try some peanuts so he can tell mum whether to switch over to the Tesco Value brand. By 7.05pm, 1,241 calories and 2,294 grams (54 kcal/100g).
I got confused and thought the AA meeting was at 8pm but luckily noticed in time (7.10pm) and shot out of the door around 7.18pm (MP3 on) - I was just a little late only missed the preamble and steps. I've heard this 3-years-sober person share before in the last couple of months but it was still a good one. At an earlier point in the story they kidded themselves that they were not alcoholics because though heavy drinkers they were able to quite for weeks or months at a time never mind that drinking was already a noticable problem (and I partially identify with that aspect - just because I can go long periods without drink doesn't mean my drinking is entirely normal). I finally shared, including details of my drinking on the 24th and recent junk food consumption. After the meeting 2 people thanked me for sharing which was very nice of them. On the ride home MP3 off enjoyed the tranquility, home 8.58pm.
Food 9pm-11.45pm: 659 calories and 1235 grams (53 kcal/100g). Even on the day on which I've purchased a 25kg sack of potatos I find myself gravitating towards more satiating choices such as non-starchy veggies (1806g = 4lb !) and whole-grains - yes potatos and bananas still register at 300 and 286 calories respectively but they don't dominate the day. Calorie density of the last meal pretty similar to the rest of the day - chosing not to let go of food weight.
Managed to process and refrigerate all the spinach and lettuce - beetroot and potatos are left for tomorrow. Did re-read the 'DVD transcript' for tracks 1 and 2 in preparation for tomorrow. Audio hardly featured till around 0.40am. Lights and audio off 1.10am.
up at 7am. A kilo up on the last couple of days - does this relate to calorie-counting irregularities, heavier food weight, not drinking as much? yesterday's fibre intake was substantially up. Got out the camera and used its small screen to review my execution on the last recording (Thursday) highlighting urgent work for my kicks:
knees - POINT toe down more
roundhouse - singles - jump down BOTH feet simultaneously
side-kicks - retract FURTHER make it visible think 'past the fence' - HOLD retracted on beat 3
front kick - especially fast ones - RETRACT to butt
roundhouse - doubles - retract 2nd kick to butt
Still useful, I sorted through my DVDs deciding which to keep and which to format for use today and packed the camera in the bag. At least 2.5 hours between putting on my clothes and actually practicing. Both fascinating and horrifying to watch how crafty I can be in dreaming up things that need doing - eating, cubing beetroot, washing potatos (I powered up the 2nd, smaller fridge as they wouldn't all fit in the first one), cleaning kitchen surfaces and floor, cleaning toilet seat and bathroom floor etc - audio was old CPH diaries (circa April).
If I mainly ate low calorie veggies (for satiety) and then needed calories to boost up the total, what are the choices and how do they relate to each other? here is the order I guess feels right: beetroot peas popcorn potatos bread dry-roasted-peanuts avocado bananas. At some point I'd like to photograph isocaloric servings of these foods.
At 10.40am finally forced myself to do some mirror practice. Also chatted online with sis. Left at 11.35am. Set up in studio 2 (Jason was recording his Jam class in studio 1), using markers (water bottle and 4 mini cones) to mark where I should go and where my participants should stand in order to be visible in the mirror and yet not be in the line of sight from the camera to me. Everyone arrived and then I was told we had to move to studio 1 because studio 2 officially belongs to the creche on a Sunday (this was just a formality - the room never got used in the end) this ate into our valuable time slot. Recorded track 1a in order to check whether both the music and I can be heard clearly. Then recorded 1a, 1b and 2 all the way through (13 minutes). I was aware of mistakes I've made but one of the volunteers was expected by their partner and had to dash off so a retake was not possible. I watched part of the recording and then the remaining volunteers were thanked and disperesed and I was left to pack things away. I turned MP3 player on and cycled away.
Home at 1.30pm. Verified mini-DVD plays OK and copied files over to hard drive then packaged it and addressed the envelpe. At 2.18 left (MP3 on) for the Post Office (at this point unaware that this is closed on Sundays). Instead headed to the market where I'd pick up a bowl of plums (a decision I'd later regret). Walked over to the Oak tree where I'd be impressed with a group of 10 teenagers performing 4 songs - the 2 in the middle were forgettable but the first one was Something Inside So Strong ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otuwNwsqHmQ ) the last was Mama Mia ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-zKYl7w0G0 ). Walked past Millie's Cookies and picked up a sample. Home at 3.05pm.
The plums were a disappointing purchase as almost all are too soft. I split, converted and uploaded videos to YouTube. Installed and tried out Google Chrome which was recommended to me as a faster browsing experience, so far I'm finding it difficult to get used to the user interface and initially couldn't get flash plug-in to install so YouTube didn't work (fixed later in the evening). Went online though nothing to catch up on so generated more audio from CPH diaries (going back to April where I left off!). By 5.07pm, 784 calories and 1,562 grams (50 kcal/100g).
Left 5.08pm. Chatted to Paul (who's doing a project management) course and Corel (who's doing a degree with the Open University) while waiting for Jason who was late. Not too weak for my Body Step workout - chat with Dave afterwards (did Karate for years but only lost 3 stones excess weight with the help of exercise - recently cut back on chocolate; is vegeterian). MP3 (CPH diaries) both ways.
Home 6.50pm and attacked the over-soft plums until my spare protein was all spent. Diarised. After 8 started working on the '10 calorie gallery' project. Started charging up my camera phone. Dished out 24 things. Eventually plated them in a logical order (and then started eating!). This project took absolutely ages. Listened to 'the fit cast' and more diaries. Food 6.54pm-0l.10am: 1116 calorie sand 2541 grams (44 kcal/100g). 1667g (~3.7lb) of those ripe plums made 31.6% of total calories. Food weighed 4.1kg - heaviest day since February 20th. A 163 MB MP3 'surplus' by bedtime which was 1.20am.
Got a personal message containing detailed feedback about my shadow video (amazing what complete strangers will find on YouTube) it was quite detailed and useful.
Hope you don't mind some constructive comments on your BC40 Track 2.
On your roundhouses, please point your toes. Your foot is way too flexed. This is a whipping/stinging kick. You are striking your opponent with the top of your foot. Think of striking them with your shoelaces. BodyCombat instructs you to get your hip over, lean away from your opponent and sting them. So, it's a lightening kick. Be fiercer with your punches and kicks. Everything should have a clear start and stop. Your strikes and kicks appear very soft. Put your whole body behind every kick and punch. Abs drawn in, glutes firm. This will also aid your balance while you do your roundhouse kicks.
More CRCing. This is part of the 5 key elements you learned in your training. Connect, Recommend and Commend. I noticed some of your participants were doing incorrect choreography and had incorrect alignment. The video assessors want to see you connect with your participants. What should they be feeling and where? Why are they doing this? Let them know. Consult your training manual. Look at your participants. It's not just you up there, telling them what to do (kick, upper cut, jab, cross, etc.). Give them the reason why they are doing this and HOW they should be doing it. What is the benefit from doing this particular block of moves? Relax and joke with them....let your personality shine through and you'll give them a reason to return to your classes time and time again.
Hope you don't mind this. Enjoy Combat. It's a body/mind-empowering workout.
Up at 7.30am after 3 mid-sleep interruptions. My last drink (a hot chocolate) was 7.25pm, 6 hours before bedtime, yet this precaution of no late drinking might be negated (do you think?) by 2139g (~4.7lb) of food consumed after that time. I guess I can scale back the weight of the last meal or continue drinking throughout.
Started with an online session that went on and on. Made a call to double-check that my psychology appointment is not tomorrow but next week. Got dressed - a short outing 9.13-9.36 to mail my Shadow Video spending most of the time in a queue (reading). The Post Office is being remodelled so it is a bit of a building site. As on my last visit I notice they're trying to upsell to their most expensive product (Special Delivery - from £4.95) when I just want to be able to track my post with a signature when it is received (£1.36 on this ocassion).
Phone chat with mum then back to avoidance behaviour online, which today was mostly about generating MP3 files from CPH diaries. At 11.13am dad called to invite me to the allotment. I didn't have an early breakfast and waited till 11.30am to weigh myself - then had a quick breakfast.
Left at 12.05pm, cycled over to the allotment. Dad showed me where and how to pick blackberries, blackcurrants and raspberries. Mum was also there and picked some apples, beetroot, radishes and a giant summer squash. I cycled away with tupperware boxes of the fruit I picked myself. MP3 was on for both cycle rides but off during fruit picking. home at 1.54pm. Around 3.30pm-3.40pm mum came to deliver the produce that wouldn't fit in my mini rucksack as well as some post (including a cashback cheque for me to deposit).
By 4.35pm, 773 calories and 1,464 grams (53 kcal/100g). Left at 4.37pm - first and second stops were visits to banks. Then over to the gym for Body Jam (told Shey that I recorded and sent off my shadow video). Combat - really enjoyed my time on the stage. Did a bit of cueing and wasn't told off. Sam's first combat with this release. Got really sweaty I think there's a correlation between how much I enjoy myself, how hard I work and therefore how much I sweat - this was more comparable to 2 weeks ago, last week I didn't really sweat, draw your own conclusions but I think this is about how much I love to cue the moves! I was supposed to return the CD sleve to Kim but I forgot my CDs at home (indeed it was a relief to find them when I eventually got back home). After Combat headed to Bletchley - still elated and didn't feel like MP3 at all. Fruits and veggies were being reduced at Tesco - that familiar situation battling with fellow shoppers for the goods. At AA the chair has been in and out of AA since they were 21 and 18 years on they've still not done the program (but finally starting next week). I thought that I held the record for being 'in the rooms' and not doing the program, but I've not yet been going for 3 years, that's hardly a patch on 18. Quite a disturbing chair. I ate all my grapes and strawberries during the meeting. Food 7.56pm-9.34pm: 391 calories and 814 grams (48 kcal/100g). MP3 was on for the way back. At Tesco picked up a packet of 6 white-flour tortillas (Weight Watchers brand). Home at 10.39pm.
Found my CDs safe and sound. Online banking to confirm that I wasn't fobbed off at my earlier bank visit. Food 10.50pm-0.20am: 736 calories and 1211 grams (61 kcal/100g). Ate 3 out of 6 tortilla wraps (no guilt, I don't think). Diarised. Computer off 1.06pm.
Up at 6.25am. A quick breakfast (featuring the first of 3 tortilla wraps, marrowfat peas, some raw cauliflower and the rest of a banana) then leaving at 7.04 for the gym for early morning combat practice with Saffron. Laura popped in for a chat (she has done 5 intensive days of her ETM course and now needs to practice before returning for her exam - I found it interesting that her trainers are not believers in the '4-3-2-1' cueing method for ETM). 'combat collegue girl' is in fact now a practicing instructor - I understand she now has a regular Legs-Bums-Tums class. Jo was away and Michelle (from which Jo inherited the time slot) was back with us - two young girls were beginners - unusually for a weekday morning Dave was with us as well. Having sampled some of Michelle's home-grown cherry tomatos it transpired that Michelle, Marie and Dave are all keen gardners with more practice and interest in the subject than me - probably more on par with my parents. I mentioned our small potatos and they asked whether we recovered the plants with mud/soil as apparently that's what you want to do to (naturally I was unable to answer that question - I'm not that closely involved!). MP3 on for the ride back.
Home at 11.02am. Audio didn't stop. Naturally the second tortilla was high on the agenda. I discovered that my elaborate microwaving ritual (short bursts, removal of liquid drops etc.) was in fact no better than using the toaster (cut the wrap in half and stand them both in the toaster on the flat edge) - the same phenomena occurs (gets hard, getts 'puffy'). By the time my brittle tortilla 'chips' are ready the weight reduces to about 75% of original weight but as with bread I no longer lie about this - I weigh before toasting/cooking.
Had a look at what I can use for more 10-calorie pictures (this is now pretty much everything I've got to hand, unless I'm going to open tins and jars or deliberately raid the freezer) and organised ready for a mini photo-shoot. Scanned and prepped my leafy veg (lettuce, spinach, cabbage). At 1.20pm I was caught up with blogs, audio was otherwise mostly diaries. Photos were about 2.30pm onwards - though the veggies took ages to eat.
Relating to that, a recent observation is that I am having smaller portions of individual foods, for example sometimes going sub-100g for veggies (the excuse being that my accurate scale - the one that reports to the nearest 0.01g, have a top limit of 100g), recently I've slashed the typical batch of baked potato cubes from 100g to 50g (which means that I'm not commiting to spend 69 calories at a time but rather just 35). When I defrost a wholemeal roll I slice it in half (so it would fit into the toaster) and save the other other half for later. My peanuts already come halved but only recently have I considered having just half a peanut at a time (about 2 calories) benefiting from a variation in taste (more variety) without commiting calories. I'm more likely to chop/slice/cube various things (apples, bananas, summer squash, broad beans etc.). I have not stuck religiously to the lots-of-chewing thing I was doing not too long ago but it still features every now and again when I remember. I guess there is similarity there. It seems to all be about "not letting go" of the food, wanting to enjoy it over a longer stretch of time = another aspect of time wasting. Incresed weight of the veggies would probably also come into this objservation.
I acknowledged it was a far from useful afternoon (audio/food/online probably in that order). Done eating the last tortilla shortly before 4pm then turned computer off and had a nap, getting up again at 5.45pm. Computer was on but internet and audio were off. Still not particularly useful. Soaked some yellow split peas I'll be cooking tomorrow and a bunch of eating - then some diarising.
By 7pm, 1,126 calories and 2,384 grams (47 kcal/100g). Computer off at 7.03pm - read a few pages then got ready for AA meeting. MP3 off. Took book with me but didn't read it there. 2 coffees before the meeting. Celebration of 2nd birthday of the Heeland meeting meant cake, mini sausage rolls, baloons and party-poppers - several people offered me cake but it wasn't hard to refuse (funny how I have no problems refusing cake but can be rather obsessive around tortilla wraps). I did a mini-share at the end (about how I was fearful rather than angry when I first started to attend meetings) as a result of introducing myself as a compusive overeater I later talked to an AA member who apparently was there in the early days of my OA meeting (before my time). I helped with tables and chairs. On the way home it was dark (getting darker) and light rain - MP3 player was on. Home 9.36pm.
Initially in silence, started my 2+ hour food fest. Online catch-up, MSE, radio. Food 9.45pm-11.55pm: 774 calories and 1267 grams (61 kcal/100g). Bedtime around 0.15am.
okay Nir, I've been wondering and now my curiosity is on overdrive and I gotta ask: how in the world do you keep track so precisely of practically every moment of your day?...do you carry a little notebook around for that purpose? do you have an extremely keen memory for times? If you held a gun to my head I couldn't remember anything even close to the accurate times of when I did what through the day - how do you do it?
Hey there! You know what it's like when you type a long post and you lose it and have to start from scratch? I do too so for a very very long while I've been typing my posts in a local file called diary.txt, periodically saving to disk - this way I'm also covered in case the laptop decides to turn itself off with no warning or never wake up after being put on standby (and it means I can continue to diarise even when I'm travelling away from the internet or it just decides to stop working for me).
version 1: write diary entry entirely in DIARY.TXT then copy and then immediately post it in the diary (much the same effect as Peter's recommendation of periodically hitting CTRL+A CTRL+C whilst drafting a post within the editor to avoid accidental loss of long posts)
Version 2: if I have the urge to write a paragraph throughout the day, do so in DIARY.TXT but still only post one entry per day
version 3: (this started more recently - I think it was triggered by my counsellor's suggestion to "keep a grid with a square per hour and a brief note of what you did during that time" or rather my interpretation of it) keep a brief note (and usually also time of day) which still needs to be converted into legible text - I refer to that process with the word "diarising".
version 4: recognising that having the computer ON is something I sometimes want to avoid, an extra step was born - a scrap of paper to record those short-form illegible observations ("comp on 7.25") so I don't have to flip the laptop in and out of standby all the time thereby changing what is being observed. This also gives me the flexibility to make such notes when I'm not at home (as I did on July 12th and July 25th - though my ability to quote these dates without looking them up does illustrate I also have a freakishly good associative memory specifically for numbers - by comparison my memory for face recognition is somewhat sub-par). Most of the time that scrap of paper stays at home though so the first thing I do when I return home from an outing and am re-united with the scarp of paper is to look at the clock, jot down the time and then a couple of key points about what happened. Basically every time I sense I'm changing what I do in a way that's worth noting another note goes on that piece of paper. Recognising that diarising itself is changing the experiment being observed I'm concious of the level of detail being recorded and try to think in 'macro' terms and decide at the time about what isn't worth recording and do things 'less perfectly' so in years to come historians will have less BS to sift through :-)
That piece of paper joins the two others I maintain - the paper-only record of toilet visits (this is very compact - time of day, whether I was sleeping between now and the last toilet visit, location if I'm not at home and whether anything unusual happened - so most of the time it is just the time in a 4 digit format). I started maintaining that record on October 3rd 2006. Then, there's my food record - now that I use a computer system it only contains short-form illegible observations about the food type, quantity and time eaten (for example "_4.42_ 0.38 KP" means that at 4.42am I had 0.38 grams of KP branded dry-roasted peanuts) just enough to be able to enter into the computer later. The computer system has been in use every day since August 31st 2007 - so almost 2 years - prior to that, the piece of paper was also used to actually calculate running totals of total calories and total protein - recalculated after each food was consumed or after a few foods were consumed in sequence. I've been maintaining a paper record of my eating for at least as long as I've had a CPH diary (beginning of 2006). In parts of 2006 the record is incomplete with days either missing or the word "BINGE!" written at the end of a sequence of foods with no other foods mentioned until the beginning of the next day. My food diary traces its routes to the end of 2003 when I started the Atkins diet and started making notes on what I ate - but there would be long gaps in 2004 and 2005 when no record was kept and indeed no particular diet was followed.
This brings me full circle to the observation that it was CPH and my attempt to be accountable for the food I ate as it related to my (failing, at the time) weight-loss efforts that got me writing a diary here which eventually became more than just a food diary.
EDIT: an honorable mention goes to my 2nd phone. This 154 gram (5.4 oz) device dates back to early 2005 yet all the phones I've owned since have been more functional (mostly about making calls with the ocassional camera thrown in) so I've kept it going as a mock PDA (it hasn't been used for telecommunication for well over a year). It has a 'calander' function with up to 9 events listed per page (for comparison, my other phones only list 2 'reminders' per page) up to a maximum of 200 for the application. I use it to manage all my real appointments as well as the kind of things that other people don't seem to need reminders for (such as: take your pills, shave, read your goal list, listen to the radio, read your book) which I shuffle throught the day. I deliberately have it beep ocassionally to alert me to the passage of time (at least once per hour when I'm awake). I use it to jot down things when I'm out and about (which generally means out of range of those scraps of paper). I live in the legitimate fear that one day it will be lost or just die a natural death. I've got a NOTEPAD-based to-do list as well but it is just not the same thing.
Up at 8.35am. Quick breakfast (marrowfat peas, potatos, apple-cubes-with-chocolate). Left at 9.11am for the gym. Could tell I was going to have a so-so workout (again wondering whether the stepped calorie increases I am planning for future weeks will eventually resolve this)
Saw one participant showing another how to do 'the moon walk' - a progression from 4 knees in the Final Peak (track 10) except she wasn't helping by getting it wrong (there are 3 taps with the outside leg, not 2, before the quick switches come in) so I got involved. Shortly after Jo came over to say that there was something wrong with the way I was showing it - specifically my foot placement - my heals are hanging off the step wheras the entire foot should be in the central are of the Step. Although this threw me back in the short term I do welcome these observations - there are obviously limits to my self-awareness if I am still getting such 'basic' things wrong - I need to be told. (In a similar vein yesterday during the Lunge track, Michelle pointed out that when lunging (technically a Split Squat) I was angling the front knee inwards - again unconciously and easily corrected once I was aware!). During the entire class I paid more attention to foot placement. Emma brightened up the room by being there.
Just before track 10 Jo explained correct technique for tapping alternate toes off the step (heal doesn't come down to floor) and evidently jinxed herself by saying she wants no-one to be injured - I guess intentions (of instructor and participant) not to get injured can only go so far and a participant at the back has done themselves harm and left (presumably to see the first aider on duty). On the way out my chat with Corel spanned Weight Watcher points vs calories, the PowerPlate class, Yoga and the Body Combat isometric leg raise kick height test.
For at least the last couple of Thursdays I've skipped the afternoon workout. Both times an outing with Rob was involved. I decided to sacrifice the AM workout (even though it means not practicing Body Combat coaching with Saffron - for the first time since we started the habit) to ensure I'll attend this one - I plan to do the half-hour Step with Jason, Pump with Hannah, and Punch with Dominic.
My new thing is to use the MP3 player as a 'safety blanket' - I put the battery in, earphones in my ears but delay switching it on until I feel I 'absolutely have to' which on this ocassion both to the gym and on the way back turned out to be 'never'. With the current Holland and Barretts sale over tomorrow I stopped off to get one final packet of chopped dates, getting back home at 11.02am.
Cooking my yellow split peas was first priority. They were on the hob by 11.04am. Decided to speed up the process using boiling water from the kettle. Boiling point by 11.10am. Unlike other things I've recently cooked (lentils and marrowfat peas), these yellow split-peas generated lots of white 'scum' some of which boiled over in dramatic fashion (I scooped most of the rest with a teaspoon and later had to top up with extra boiling water). Simmering from 11.25am. I was brave enough to taste them at Tasted at 11.36, 11.49 and 12.02 - heat off 12.03pm so this took an hour. I have a 'file' of old food packets going back a couple of years - located nutritional information from a Sainsburys packet (100g is 104 calories). For comparison also looked at my calorie-counting pocket-book (wants to charge me 21% more at 126 calories - I'll pretend I haven't seen this).
Hadar got back to me about the discounted coffee - she's going to sell on a 500 gram jar she originally bought for herself - I'll get it the next time she visits. Mum wants me to chase up a missing mobile phone cashback cheque and help sign up dad for a discounted roadside recovery service and in return has offered a one-way lift to OA so we'll combine the lot for this Friday afternoon (hearing about my cooking projects she also promised some broad beans that she recently dried which similarly need soaking prior to cooking). Meanwhile dad I asked if I'd like more summer squash which otherwise he'll offer to other folk at the allotment. With only a few of them remaining I'd rather have them all to myself (the birds are attacking the young small ones so this is the end of the usable crop for this year) yet I currently have 8 of them in the fridge (3 of them absolutely huge). Clearly what makes sense is to prioritise eating them so none go off. I felt them all and attacked the one that felt softest, slicing then cubing - one normal-sized summer squash filled up 4 x 650ml tupperware containers! Naturally, one pleasant way to have them 'go down' is to mix with cocoa powder and artificial sweetner.
The apples mum picked for me from the allotment must be cooking apples as they're not sweet. I tried them raw and stewed. Cubed with artificial sweetner and cinnamon or cocoa powder. I've even had them spiced savoury style (for example papprika or tandoori spices). Around noon I chopped two small apples, used 99 grams and left the remains untouched. Then spent quite a while unsuccesfully looking for them. I don't like the implication that I've mindlessly eaten something without any recollection - I 'charged' myself an extra 20 grams of apple.
School is out so Nash is a bit more relaxed at work, calling me several times 12.32-12.45, 1.10-1.24 and 1.28-1.57pm. Computer was on from 1pm. Diarisied 3-4pm. By 4pm still silent (i.e. no audio) and still disconnected (i.e. no online session), a 'relative' achievement - though no progress with my reading, either.
Computer off 4-5pm, more snacking then 'power nap' 4.30-4.50pm, back on computer (online + audio) from 5pm. Audio for about 20 minutes. It turns out sis didn't recommend Chrome - my wires got crossed she recommended FireFox (Nash suggests trying Saffari). After I got burnt by Chrome (and previously by IE8) not sure if I'm ready for yet another browser experiment just yet. Computer off 6.10pm - got ready. By 6.15pm, 1,018 calories and 2,206 grams (46 kcal/100g).
Left at 6.20pm. At the gym looked at Gavin's circuits class - this was covered by 'combat collegue girl' who seemed very confident, in charge, and 'knowing what she was doing' I'm glad things are working out for her. Nina showed up shortly before combat - again making silly noises about hiding at the back just because she wasn't yet up to high impact exercise (though she'll be allowed to do more exercise and do sauna from next week which marks 6 weeks post surgery). I used the mirror to work on my technique and tried to put 'punch'. Clearly I had more energy than the AM workout - was this because of the calories I consumed (state of glycogen stores) or was it unrelated to food - I can't say. Afterwards Nina updated Angela on her health status. Nina took what felt ages to change (I wondered whether she snuck in a shower but no) during this time I reflected that I had more negative thoughts and feelings about how the day went (lots of time wasted) before the workout wheras I felt serene after the workout. Went over to Moon Under Water where Nina payed for my coffee thus paying back for the one I bought her last week. It was mostly me talking non-stop - parted 9.20pm. Cycled avoiding roads (slightly longer) as it was dark. Home at 9.33pm.
Preparing foods I was reminded the microwave oven mum passed on to me was indeed on its last legs - the sparks are coming on an increasingly regular basis. They're disconcerting because I wonder whether they could ignite the food (which means I will no longer be microwaving anything unless I'm indoors - no more cooking in my absence). It is also noticably less efficient I have to add the odd minute here and there to get the same cooking effect as before but this happens in a somewhat unpredictable fashion. I think it is days or weeks rather than months before it gives up and I switch to the one I got on Saturday.
Nash called 10.15pm finally gone at 1.20am (he was tired) naturally hardly any audio during this time. Simultaneously caught up with online backlog. Food-fest longer than hoped for 9.33pm-0.25am: 882 calories and 1540 grams (66 kcal/100g). Diarising 1-1.30am then back to online things. Computer off 2.30am.
Up at 7.25am computer immediately on. Online session then diarising. Weighed myself at 9.27am (so I could drink eat heavy foods) - am I obsessed about seeing those lower numbers? Yesterday Nina (who doesn't have scales at home) weighed herself in the gym, as did I (evening, clothed, having eaten 4lb of food and had plenty of drink during the day) unsurprisingly I weighed 2 kilos more than yesterday morning or indeed this morning. It's funny, back in 2006 I deliberately weighed myself only in the gym, the idea presumably being if I weigh more then I'm legitimately allowed to lose more before considered underweight.
Yesterday I wasn't online till 5pm so didn't act on emails arriving before 11am. This morning called FitPro (9.05am-9.23am) first asked whether video assessment really could stretch to 4 weeks and the likely impact on my 16 weeks of practice time before video submission - yes it could take this long but the silver lining is that the clock for the 16 weeks might start from the moment I get my results - of course only have their word for this. Secondly I tried wriggling out of paying £91 for a PPL music license on the grounds that I'm not playing music in public (as a 'shadow' I'm always with someone else who is teaching - they are the licensee) my pleas fell of partially-deaf ears and I was told "this is imposed on us by PPL" so ended up having to cough up more non-refundable cash to keep the process going. This call was a confrontation I did not 'win'. I dreaded making the call and had to force myself to do it rather than procrastinate.
Buying the music license meant I could now browse more of the FitPro website - established that what I thought was 22 pounds for CD and DVD of a new release has now gone up in price to almost £26, yet apparently my first two CDs are included (I'm not sure if this is a function of purchasing the music license or being a new instructor). I almost placed an order for the new release but decided to hold off for now - in any event it won't become available till early September. Also had another fruitless search for torrents.
10am-10.08am picked up the phone - expected somebody to try and sell me a mobile phone contract - was actually looking forward to a confrontation which I can win, it turned out to be one of those companies that see if you've been mis-sold a payment protection policy or were overcharged and then (presumably for a cut of money that is rightfully yours) does some legwork. I knew straight away that they'd be hard-pressed to get any business out of me. I did not cut this conversation short, I guess I enjoyed hearing my own voice. It also made me think about my various battles with corporations and the times I decide to write money off to avoid further effort and confrontation (the roughly £6 in interest because my credit card payment wasn't processed; being conned into extending mobile phone contract at higher cost than I preferred and locked into non-negotiation broadband contract and I'm sure more will occur if I think about it). I do shy away from fights and confrontations. If we discard the money I've sunk into the Body Combat project this morning, the last ones were being unable to persuade someone to stick around for 10 minutes to re-record my video, and being unable to persuade an instructor to allow me to shadow in their class.
Already indulging in audio, I alternated MP3 of various blogs I'm into and CPH diaries (specifically MollyMoo) and convinced myself that there is nothing wrong with wanting to keep up with diaries because they are at least as compelling as the other audio I'm generating, I've been snobish to avoid them. Mind you maybe not all diaries are equal (wow, she starts a new page every 13 days or so).
I tend to take frozen slices of bread and toast them, enjoying the sensation of biting into the crunchy-hard slice. Today realised I can short-circuit this by simply eating the frozen slice as that's also hard albeit for a different reason - technically it is healthier because it has less acrylamides which would develop in the toasting process.
At 1pm had a call from a TalkTalk call centre in India offerring me a pittance of a discount for an 18 month commitment which surprised me as I thought I was locked in for another 6 months - when I replied in the negative I was rudely cut off. I called customer services, confirmed I was out of contract then talked about the 'BT Basic' tarrif (reduced line rental for those on certain benefits, but compatible with a broadband service) - got transferred to the 'options' department who verbally offerred me a £5-a-month discount for a period of 12 months if I commited to an extension of this length - details supposedly to be confirmed in a follow-up email, though this never materialised so this may not be the end of the matter. I called Nash to compare notes - the deal he is currently on actaully represents a bigger discount - although the credit component is £36, he also got a free router. He was enjoying his day 'working from home' which was essentially a holiday - spoke till 2.27pm.
Around 3.30pm got dressed and came down to meet parents who delivered variety in terms of runner beans and beetroot - and more summer squash. Looking up calories in runner beans finally had me sign up to a free 24-hour trial with weighlossresources.co.uk a UK-centric calorie-counting pay-for service. I doubt I'll ever pay for it. I do have an unlimited number of email addresses though so I guess I could always look things up if I'm prepared to jump those hoops. About 5 different entries for runner beans ranging form 18 to 23 calories (per 100g) obviously I went for the cheapest.
Throughout the morning and afternoon I kept myself busy with avoidance behaviour including online catch-up, scanning produce, getting produce ready to eat, eating my 2lb vegetable target, eating more food to bump up protein and just 'sampling' for entertainment, generating MP3 files for the remaining 'popular' CPH diaries, cultivating a conversation with Nash etc. My avoidance was characterised by being systematic for example going through every item of produce, all diaries etc. Audio was an on-off affair. More on than off though. By 5.16pm, 1,015 calories and 2,016 grams (50 kcal/100g).
Left at 5.16pm. MP3 on (both ways). First time I've done Jason's Step on a Thursday in a few weeks (for speed step he asked her 'who does these arms' - I believe she made them up, certainly I'm copying her). I forgot to set Nina up for Pump so she wasn't next to me, Hannah took slight detours from the choreography from time to time and I know I would have been more bothered about this in the past - I felt strong during the workout in everything except for biceps. I was paired up with a cute girl for the Punch class. It rained on the way back.
Home by 8.20pm. Suddenly felt rather uncomfortable, couldn't be sure if it was back pain or stomach cramp (probably the latter) went away after an hour. Online catchup. Discovered video2mp3.net for converting YouTube videos to MP3 and applied this to the Body Combat 41 'sound-a-like' playlist at http://nzglen.wordpress.com/2009/07/28/2009-3-les-mills-tracklists/ so I can mentally prepare myself for the music that will be taking over in September.
Food 8.20pm-8.49pm and 10.15pm-11.32pm: 885 calories and 1371 grams (65 kcal/100g). Computer off 11.40pm.
I've noticed that since the beginning of July my BIA scales have not once reported my body fat as any higher than 12.0% and indeed my average is currently trending at 10.5%. I'm pleased about that. Given that I am gradually increasing calories I don't suppose I'll be going much lower though there's always a chance I'll hit 10% before starting to reverse the trend.
Up at 7.30am and actually tried reading my book - at this point was on page 66. Naturally had food breaks. At times combined this with the 'combat 41 soundalike audio' playing quietly in the background. Left at 9.40am (unusually early for a 10.30am class, MP3 = combat 41) tried warming up in the 'walking sideways' machine which proved too demanding (was hoping to combine this with reading). At this point up to page 75. Asked about weight distribution for the 'moon walk' - weight is on leg that's on step for knees, on both feet during the shuffle.
Home at 11.55am. Online 12.35pm-2.37pm started by dealing with a spammer who sent PMs to 90 users - largest scale attack we've had so far (also spoke with mum, sis and Nash during this time); ate; diarised 3.08-3.25 then rested for a while. Online again 4.22-4.37pm; Energie gym called to ask if I'd like a free workout (I'll come on Sunday morning and if the Combat class isn't on I'll make my excuses and cycle on to the AA meeting instead).
At 4.55pm mum arrived: we called about the missing cashback, signed her up for discounted roadside recovery and she forgot her money so I lent he some. She left at 5.20pm for a visit to the market - I went online then got ready. At 6pm she returned with Nectarines. By 6pm, 938 calories and 2,064 grams (45 kcal/100g).
Got to OA with mum's help - 8 people, 7 shared (but taked to the 8th who was my lift back into town). Usually I'm amongst the first to share, today I was 5th. The AA meeting was busy - one member's share amounted to an amends that he has lied to the group about things being better than they were (he still has not drunk) though apparently he has lost his ex-sponsor over this. I shared that there are aspects of my life I'm embarassed about when introducing myself to new people, such as my reliance on meetings (and my addictions) and reasons for being jobless.
Home at 9.14pm. Online from 9.54 emailed OA member about the '12StepWorkbookStudy4Coes1' OA loop; read up about Palatinose (low glycemic sweetner). Computer off 11.36pm.
Food 9.20pm-11.13pm: 962 calories and 2025 grams (48 kcal/100g). Dinner included the remaining nectarines (1520 grams ~ 3.3lb in all).
7 days ago I bought a 25 kilo sack of potato and so far I've used up 2361 grams (less than 10%) for an average of 337 grams and 233 calories (12.3% of daily intake) which is something of a departure from what I was doing previously. From the middle of the 2nd day I cut my typical serving from 100g to 50g thus 337g represents approximately 7 new-style servings. Given the current consumption pattern these potatos will last me another 9 weeks and during this time I'm expecting the allotment potatos to mature - so this current pattern might result in waste and may need to be changed.
A curious relationship between calories eaten and body fat (April 16th to present day). (Though note that it was only in early July that I acknowledged that I was under-reporting calories from potatos.)
Up at 6.45am - computer on. 7 hours of sleep with 4 mid-sleep interruptions, so that's waking up 5 times (could this have anything to do with 2025g (4.5lb) of food in the 2 hours leading to bedtime? I'm going to say yes.). Checked forecast which calls for a sunny day. Computer off 7.42am. Assembled all components of my breakfast into a 'salad' (bread was toasted and became croutons, potato, apple and summer squash were diced and mixed with the peas) - tandoori seasoning applied.
Left 8.16am for the gym (MP3 = BC41), shower, sauna, combat (I zoned out and went wrong a couple of times - once in track 5 expecting to shuffle left at the wrong time and once in track 9 alternating Komodo Dragon when it was right knee only, so technically Angela had better memory than me), 'combat collegue girl' who never does Combat made an appearance (hiding in the back where Kelly normally goes) just a coincidence or does she intend to follow through with Module 2? At Pump tried heavier weights (22.5kg and 12.5kg for back and biceps respectively - in both cases retreating back to 20kg and 10kg at the break). Nina mentioned location of wedding. Dave treated me to coffee. Left at 11.36pm cycling to Newport Pagnell in the sun (15 minutes on phone with mum then just cycling in silence). Got to AA about 7 minutes late (they were going through introducing themselves). The chair made their first meeting in 1967 he was good and funny. The bit about restricting yourself to sharing about alcohol threw me (as it does whenever I hear it) not that I had a burning desire to share anyhow. One share was about a free bar at a funeral made me remember the disgraceful way in which I repeatedly attacked the buffet at Gill's funeral (late 2005, pre diary). MP3 on for cycle ride home (cportwine's diary).
Home at 1.49pm. Checked out my eBay account, researched the cost of mailing top, packaged and addressed to auction winner so ready to send immediately in case she is a prompt payer. Reboot 3.15-2.35. Thinking about the wedding on Friday, just in case I have to make my own way to the registry office (MK2 2BE) made a note that the 'good' buses (16 minute travel time instead of double or longer) are rather infrequent. Diarised. Another 'tandoori salad' to add bulk to the day. 4.35pm Nash has London plans so no longer going to Occeana tonight. Computer off 5.20pm. Brief attempt to read (starting page 77). Rest 5.43pm-6pm. Eating/online/audio. Mum reports that some legumes can be had for around £1.90 per 2 kilos at ASDA (that's better than £2.50 in the market) but on the other hand the special deal on dry-roasted peanuts is already over. By 7pm, 1,166 calories and 2,109 grams (55 kcal/100g).
Left at 7.06pm (MP3 on both ways) only heard this chair 2 months ago, she has since picked up a drink and has come back into the rooms. Some powerful shares too. After 30 minutes that felt like ages with 2 people referring to '13th stepping' I discovered what it meant (falling for a newcomer - something I've clearly done myself (though less dangerous for me due to generally not following up on attraction). Squeezed in a share just before the end of the meeting, about time wasting and perhaps using steps 1-2-3 on stopping the procrastination being the way to go (the chair shared about how they were asked to keep a diary of their drinking - I shared about how using this diary to record my time-wasting is now an integral part of my problem!). Stopped MP3 in the staircase.
Home 9.02pm. Food 9.06-10.10pm: 734 calories and 871 grams (84 kcal/100g) - just over an hour of eating. Potatos back to being eaten in 100g servings to make this happen (and in larger quantity - 1241g of raw materials in one day to make up for reduced fruit availability). Computer on but disconnected, diarised till 10.21pm. Lights off 10.25pm.
Up at 5.45am and last night's lighter dinner of under 600 grams (yes I wrote 871 but the potatos reduce substantially in the cooking process) correlated with just one mid-sleep interruption.
6.05-6.23 book (from page 80); then a long break - some rest, some food and then (realising I was all out of ready-to-eat veggies) a lengthy but I feel well-justified effort: whether you read Eat To Live or Tom Venuto style texts, eating healthier always correlates with more preparation time, there's no getting around it. To be efficient you can "batch" this so you don't spend all day in the kitchen. Whilst preparing the lettuce, spinach, summer squash etc I also assembled a couple of large salads (one aroung 6.45 the other around 8.15) and had 4 hot drinks. Data entry and diarised to 8.42am. Just under 400 calories in all. Got ready for a potentially long outing.
Left at 9.10am. Didn't cycle far before I noticed a problem. Cycled back home to pump up front tyre (and wondered whether I'll end up stranded in Bletchley). Left again at 9.21am heading for Energie. I budgeted time for a sales talk but no-one bothered. A quick sauna (I forgot how large the sauna room is - twice the size of Virgin Active) and reflected on how much I used to like the gym when I was a member. When I lie down on my back (as I did in the sauna) I can see a 6-pack (when did that happen?). Had a free coffee. Hannah arrived. Before I got the chance to procrastinate and avoid asking her, she asked me whether I'd like to shadow. There were 6 participants of various abilities lining up from left to right. We did tracks 1-2-3 and I enjoyed the experience. At around 10.20am the class switched over to a circuits class. I didn't want to offend Hannah and almost stayed for it but decided to think recovery first so asked whether she'd mind if I'd "bugger off" - and I was off, cycling to Bletchley.
Got to the meeting with 10 mintues to spare. The chair was good; they've been sober for over 20 years, since the day he came in the rooms. Had I shared (which I didn't - again put off slightly by the request to keep the share alcohol-related but also because I didn't feel a burning desire to) then based on the notes I typed into my phone at the time it might have been about: identification with the "13th stepping" (in both fellowships, but not actually doing anything about it), the fear I had for at least a month before attending my first AA meeting and about being afraid to share anything but positives, being brought up to fear alcohol starting to drink at the age of 29 and getting drunk every night about 8 months later, having never had a hangover, my relationship with my 'home' group and not having an AA home group, being abstinent from time-wasting since 9pm last night, an episode of 'insanity' that had me 'caught' in the workplace at a time I wasn't supposed to have been there (having slept in the office without permission), and naked as well, by the window-cleaner I was not expecting), the chair and various shares talked about health problems - heart kidney etc and I would have said about how eating the majority of my calories from healthy foods has become part of my abstinence because once you come to believe that chronic illness is directly caused by unhealthy food continuing to poison yourself constitutes insanity. After the meeting made contact with Kelly to arrange plans for later.
Headed home via Tesco, ASDA, LIDL and Sainsbury's - checking for prices of Sunday reductions, dried pulses and dry-roasted peanuts - a mental note that Tesco had the best price for dry-roasted peanuts (about 25p/100g) but did buy dried 'cannelini beans' which were just 38p for 500g (the cheapest dried legume I'm currently aware of - apparently also called white kidney beans). At ASDA was tempted by a small tin of marrowfat peas. I picked up a still-wrapped candy bar at the roadside ("Bueno" by Kinder) I spotted it on the way over but didn't stop to see if it was an object or just an empty wrapper but actively looked for it on the way back. LIDL and Sainsbury's were a detour from the normal route - confirmed that the KP dry-roasted peanuts were no longer on sale at the other branch. At Sainsbury's copied down nutritional information from a tin of cannelini beans. MP3 was off for all legs of the journey.
Home at 2.36pm, placed melted candy bar in freezer and a third of a packet of cannelini beans to soak in water. Ate and entered food data (disparities between various values for cannelini beans - I'd like to go back to Sainsbury's to look at nutritional information on their packet). Diarised till 4.37. Online. 5.09 discoonected. Considered rushing to Step and decided instead to take it easy. 5.10-6pm rest including a brief nap. 6.13-6.43 a bit more reading. Then more food and getting ready. By 7pm, 1,151 calories and 2,295 grams (50 kcal/100g).
Left at 7.04pm. Put most of my stuff into the locker. Spied the pumpers doing their abs track. Snuck into the sauna to quickly toast myself. Sat on one of the computers and managed to bring up my shadow video via YouTube in time to showcase it to Kelly (and then Jason too). Downstairs read another page waiting for Kelly then went to carpark where 3 guys from the gym got their first chance to see the post-surgery Nina who by consensus looks younger and different (well she'd be 'different' because she was wearing her hair down and she was wearing a dress). I thought it somewhat ridiculous that afterwards the girls considered in turn the possibility that each of the 3 guys might be gay (or at least bisexual) on the flimsiest of pretext - what does one have to do to avoid this over-sensitive malfuntioning 'gaydar' I do not know. I sorted out my lift to the wedding which will involve squeezing in as the 5th person in a car. We each ordered our first hot drink and grabbed the sofas. For the 2nd round the girls had hot chocolates and I 'cashed' the loyalty card for (my first every) free coffee. Altogether I collected 5 stamps for the hot drinks we collectively purchased so that's another free coffee my way. The bike was a little akward to ride to the gym and the tyre completely flat flat at going home time so I walked the bike home, resisting the strong urge to plug into my MP3 player. It's all about respecting my own company as somebody I'd like to be with.
Paused to think how interesting or otherwise this diary would be and whether having a connection to the real-life me would make it more so. Could my life be viewed as a soap opera? it certainly seemed to be during that stormy 4.5 month relationship in early 2005 (those 4.5 months felt like years!). Well it can't be too interesting judging by my readership which this week plummeted to less than 80 hits per day - less than half of what it was not long ago, at this rate I'll soon be talking to myself. A positive spin is that my message about time-wasting has been received with some of you becoming super-efficient and batch-reading this every week or two or have realised that ditching this diary will increase the quality of your lives (more power to you!).
Home at 9.50pm. Food 10pm-11.16pm: 749 calories and 1079 grams (69 kcal/100g). Last meal was mostly potatos (hence magically 69 kcal/100g, the number of potatos) though legumes, dried fruit, peanuts (higher) and veggies (lower) also featured. I would have had to commit far too many calories to dried fruit (or vodka) to hit my protein target so instead I decided it wouldn't be a big deal to overshoot (by 15g or 21.7%; making it about 1.6g/kg). Potassium went over 12,000mg - a number which has not been seen for 3 months (though recall that all pre-July figures are suspect due to the potato issue). Veggies heavy today (~4lb) most in the daytime.
Diarising 11.20pm-11.55pm. Online session fully clearing backlog (no audio) including some time fixing the 'new messages' counter for 207 affected users (quite possibly something I caused when using SQL to mass-delete spam PMs). Computer off 1.30am. Read 1.38-2.04am then bedtime.
Observation: my friend who found an iPod which they initially intended to keep but soon after their conciousness got the better of them and they handed it to 'lost and found', so I'm guessing their honesty or at least their guilt is more fine-tuned than mine (so much for my spiritual growth).
Up at 6.50am with cannelini beans on stove at 6.57am, kind-of boiling by 7.02am definitely by 7.05am - reduced heat by 7.20am, stove off 8.13am. Tasted at 7.20am (was a bit scared) 8.05am and 8.09am. The instructions were to simmer for 90 minutes "or until soft" and mine were practically falling apart after 45 minutes (ended up with 53 minutes of simmering).
At 7am the tyre I pumped up at 10pm was back to disappointingly flat - I must remember to take the pump with me on any outing longer than an hour. I prepared produce for eating (I currently only have 5 different fresh things = spinach, summer squash, cabbage, romaine and onion - 6 if you count potatos and then there are two types of cooked beans which by definition are ready to eat). After re-arranging the large fridge has 3 empty shelves so could easily merge the small fridge into it (will do unless substantial produce arrives soon - called dad asking for resupply).
Left at 9.03am. Sainsburys has moved to an inconvenient location but it isn't that far away - 8 or 9 minutes each way it appears. Copied down nutrtional information from a packet of cannellini beans which turns out to be almost the same as info from the Weight Loss Resources website (yes, another 24-hour trial) with one minor deviation (could have been a typo but labels do change over time) though forgot to look at the cooking instructions (next time!). Queing at the post office I tried to read (page 98) postage as expected just 61p, then when I asked for proof of postage which involves the person copying the address into a form it transpired she put the stamp on the wrong side and package would have come to me! Nothing at a price I'll pay at the Holland and Barretts sale. Home at 9.51am.
Side-by-side comparison makes (cannellini) beans more satiating than potatos. The following sequence summarises how I currently feel: vegetables - popcorn - beans - potato - bread. When vegetables are at a 'premium' (e.g. if I'm going to once more try to cut down on the Weight of my last meal) then focus on popcorn and beans!
Computer session 10.10-10.52. 10.53am-11.10 called Talktalk - yes my contract was extended but it has been set up to only give me 3.25x3 + 2x12 = £33.75 not the £60 I was expecting. 'Edward' agreed to credit me the balance I was promised £26.25 - this was confirmed via email timed at 11.14am. "Potato break".
11.30-noon: next task = find out why money sent from account A on 4th hasn't arrived at account B on 10th, called both banks. Frustratingly BACS no allowed to open this account my money will eventually be returned, I can then send it bank C and write a cheque and take it to bank B's branch. Arghhh! The thing I don't like the most is that the money is no-where until it is returned. I'd like to see it to know it hasn't gone missing.
Online catch-up till 12.51pm. Food break from 1pm, rest from 1.30pm.
Mum arrived at 2.32pm and we both made multiple trips to bring it up - included allotment produce (butternut squash, radish, runner beans, chard, lettuce, potatos) and shopping (dried chick peas). 2.46-4.05pm was a trip to the allotment mostly featuring a still-tired self and a more enegetic dad armed with a new gadget (a basket attached to a tall extendable poll) which proved pathetic next to the low-tech step ladder as we attacked the cooking-apples tree, squeezing about 2.5 carrier bags of good and almost-good apples out of it and filling up a basket with 'compost apples' that didn't make the grade. At the later stages mum came to help and I picked myself one box of raspberries and 3 large summer squash and loudly complained that I was tired and still had my workout ahead of me.
4.05-5.07pm: back home, "active" rest included not much more action than snacking on apples (having scanned to find some of the slightly-rotten ones were), butternut squash (I don't have a supply of these - they were a present from a neighbour's allotment) and the box of raspberries I picked. By 5.05pm, 1,023 calories and 2,104 grams (49 kcal/100g).
5.07-7.16pm: instead of Jam I found Shey chatting to Dave and Saffron (this Jam class will soon become a kid's dance class, at least I won't feel guilty about not supporting Shey!) we decided that with 3 of us present we could 'do it' and at my request did 'block 2' this makes it 3rd time for me - we often miss this in favour of other things for lack of time. Then on to Combat (we used my CD as Shey's is scratched - (mine is also visibly shattered towards the middle - these aren't quality products) Shey was video-recording herself (apparently to do with becoming a combat 'presenter', I hear) which meant no shadowing for me on this ocasssion. Shey announced last week that it was her birthday today and Corel was very sweet getting her a card and present. I returned the CD sleeve I accidentally took from Kim 3 weeks earlier. Dashed off. I noticed at Jam I was exhausted and did wonder how I was going to hack being on stage (which ended up not happening so I didn't get to find out). Being exhausted, knowing I had a 6.30am start the following day and unsure of how fast or slow my puncture contributed to deciding to skip a possible trip to the Bletchley AA meeting opting to go straight home.
At home started to work on the mountain of produce I received earlier (including potatos, runner beans and chard) whilst continuing to eat (prioritising butternut squash, which I love to cube and over-cook). Food 7.20pm-8.40pm: 416 calories and 937 grams (44 kcal/100g). Got all the produce off the bed. Nap 8.40-10.40pm!
Continued to eat (to be honest less emphasis on produce - most stuff taken care of except radishes which I didn't touch and they stayed unrefrigerated as did all the apples which I placed in a large cardboard box). Food 10.45pm-0.17am: 461 calories and 732 grams (63 kcal/100g). Never read the book today. Didn't go online since the late morning session. Weighed at 53kg after midnight. Computer off 0.24am though didn't manage to fall asleep till at least 0.40am.
Up at 6.20am so too late to cook chick-peas before first outing. Quick breakfast (summer squash, cooking apple, split peas, potatos, bread). Decided not to record myself today so no need for the heavy bag.
Left for gym 6.58am. Yesterday forgot my water bottle in the gym so asked multiple staff and members if they knew where it was - in the meantime adopting a 500ml sports-drink bottle. Finished my breakfast (apples and summer squash). Practiced with saffron tracks 1-4 then 5-10, if anything weaker than yesterday. Laura came to chat to us - she'll do Body Pump and Body Combat modules in due course, is thinking of an extra part time job, apparently her ambitious plans as co-ordinator meant she is mostly over-budget, issues with timetable changes to please one person will upset another (e.g. moving Wednesday combat from 7pm to 6pm), observation that none of the recent co-ordinators have stuck at it for a long time. Didn't think I'd survive Pump but apart from lower weights on triceps, biceps and shoulders I generally did fine. Puncture is faster, despite pumping air in the morning it was flat and had to walk the bike home - made it by 10.55am.
10.55am-12.17pm: a small window but decided to chance cooking the chick-peas (heat on 1057-12.10; boiling 11.01-11.25, tasting attempts 11.36 11.49 12.12pm) simultaneously attempted to use the 'sealant spray' on the puncture. First time didn't attach properly and ended up with lots of foam on my hand, 2nd time seemed to work, I then pumped it up with air. Packed a very light bag for trip to psychologist. 11.51-12.09 brief online session. Sealant has not worked after all decided to have a go getting there by bus.
12.17-3.41pm: walked over and found bus stop, my pocket was low on coins once I paid £3.20 for a day ticket only had 5p left over. Bus showed up 12.28 asked driver if they'd let me know where to get off they had no idea so I anxiously doodled a graphic of where I think the bus was taking me (it goes 'all around the houses' so it was rather tricky) and eventually made a decision to hop off (probably half a mile away from my destination not too bad). On the walk over spotted trees of mini-plums (one red one yellow) would have picked a quantity if I wasn't rushed and tired. Made my appointment at 12.58 just 2 minutes shy of being late. The psychologist is a student leaving at the end of September so from now on most appointments will be weekly, with me having made some progress reading the book (from page 48 to 98 over the last 4 weeks) he proposes to let me continue with that and together we'll focus on my avoidance behaviour, to this end he's given me a 'grid' (28mm x 14mm per hour) to jot down what I do and on a 0..10 scale how much Pleasure and Achievement I feel about those things I do. Left at 2.15pm, 12 minutes to walk to bus stop, had another another 25 minutes to wait until a (late) bus finally showed up and was so tired I drifted to sleep several times luckily another person was also waiting for the same bus. 2.52-3.11 was a similar journey, panicing every few minutes as a I woke up and established my surroundings. The walk home was past Kelly's workplace so I stopped for a brief uplifting chat - home at 3.41pm.
3.56-4.17: online session: bus options for tonight's AA meeting, bank account, emails.
4.17-5.02: rescued summer squash I accidentally froze by pressing against fridge wall; urgently processed radish so mum could take 'compost' away; mum sold on tomatos and delivered allotment beetroot so I tried some raw (as discussed Friday @ OA meeting)
5.02-6.11: computer session - lookup nutrition for chick peas and raw beetroot (USDA and WLR figures), data entry, emails, CPH
6.11-6.35: ate, scanned box for 'poorest apples', 10 minute call with Galit. By 6.35pm, 880 calories and 2,081 grams (42 kcal/100g).
6.35-7.43: rest/nap (letting how tired I am dictate whether I make the AA meeting: my body chose rest)
7.43 got up 7.48-8.20 food 8.20-8.42: fitted new inner tube in front wheel, reasselble bike and put everything away. As I stomached the cost (£2 for tube) it would have made sense to do this earlier so I didn't have to also pay the avoidable £3.20 bus fare.
8.42-8.52 deal with CPH spam 8.52-9.30 food 9.30-10 try to establish if raw potatos are safe to eat (internet opinion mixed, mum says not safe unless tiny quantiites) 10 more food. Food 8.04pm-10.45pm: 1020 calories and 1663 grams (61 kcal/100g). Weighed 53.5kg just before 10.51pm bedtime.
Up at 8.20am (9.5 hours, 3 mid-sleep interruptions). Assembled a 'breakfast salad' and got ready (lettuce, cabbage, radish, beetroot, apple, potato, toast croutons).
9.04-10.34: headed out to gym, still finishing about a third of my breakfast prior to Step class (Jo commented on eating in the studio - I recalled the chocolate, cake and ice-cream routinely eaten - I guess she has a point as far as 'real' food goes). Rather weak for workout decided to cut it short leaving after the cardio tracks (1-10) cycled home in light rain. Home 10.34pm.
10.34-11.11 snacking, quick shave, put 410g dried gren lentils to soak for tomorrow
11.11-12.04 rest/nap
12.10pm-2.45pm aim was to to write-up and fill grid for Tuesday, though lost an hour on a short break followed by 3 phone convesations: Majhid (10 mins) wanted me to solve his problem (watching playstation on older TV with broken or misplaced remote control) - I told him about universal remote controls but did not want to get involved. Galit (12 mins) and then Nash (22 mins) who were both bascially passing the time. Takes me a while to adapt. By the time I was speaking to Nash I had adapted by at least dealing with a summer squash and apple work.
2.45-3.02 food break. 3.02 writeup 3.30 food
3.35-5.16 online session (radio, MSE, CPH, emails, blogs) - Kelly pointed out that I forgot we were meeting for lunch (my reminders were useless as I silenced my phone)
5.16-6.50 long 'meal' much of it assembled into an enormous salad (some of which take to gym and only finished off after 8pm), hardly a win for usefulness (spent 10 minutes uploading diary). By 6.50pm, 1,170 calories and 3,228 grams (36 kcal/100g).
Left at 6.50pm. Briefly caught up with Kelly. Once Elaine was done speaking with Angela (presumably about changes proposed to the Wednesday time-table) I explained to Angela that I'm allowed to shadow with her provided she agreed - and this time she did. I found it hard to ask her (after I got turned down 2 weeks ago) but of course it was very rewarding as I really enjoyed myself (and she wasn't too miserable about it...). Afterwards Nina and Kelly came over to speak with her about running a future 10k (and the wedding). I finished my salad in the changing room and eventually they joined me in the sauna where I couldn't take the heat (got to meet Kelly the instructor too). Conversation turned to what married life would be like for Nina. Home at 9.48pm.
Cooked the green lentils 9.50-10.13pm (they're very quick to cook - the instructions say just bring them to the boil and simmer but I take no chances and still boiled them for 12 minutes perhaps that'll be why). Nash called at 10.30pm - it is rather akward when he has nothing to say and I'd be more relaxed on my own - I tried "why don't you call back if you can think of something to say" and eventually we agreed to hang off at 11pm. Food 10.02-11.22pm: 730 calories and 1021 grams (72 kcal/100g). This with me hoping to have an early night because of tomorrow's early start. Weighed 53.5kg at bedtime (11.30pm).
Reluctantly up at 6.25am (tired), got ready and prepped food much of it in a box with me. Left at 7.10am, met saffron and started on tracks 1-5 (energy a bit better than Tuesday morning). Break for a chat (Laura joining) and to finish my breakfast salad. Did tracks 6-10 (encouraging Laura who indicated she'll eventually train up as a combat instructor to participate and she indeed 'doubled' my 'class' by joining for tracks 7 & 8 - her presence motivating me to focus on my cueing/coaching). More chat about one member mobilising as many others as she can to rebell against the proposed changes to the Wednesday evening timetable. I left the studio around 9.30am as pump was about to begin and home by 9.44am.
9.44-10.25: another apple scan - these are probably going off faster than I can eat them, perhaps one bad apple is responsible for making the next one bad but of so this happens at a very subtle level as separating the bad ones away doesn't seem to be enough. Managed to find space to refrigerate them all but will that help? saved my teath some work by shredding a raw beetroot in the food processor and added cocoa powder and sweetner whilst I was at it.
10.25-11.51 sleep 11.51 reviewed my to-do list 12.05 write-up tasks (12.20-12.25 mum says I'd better pick berries soon or they'll go to waste). 12.40 food 12.54-2.06 online
2.06-4.30 pub outing to see Rob, original plan was to limit this to an hour but I guess I wasn't bored with the conversation (alternatively perhaps using it to avoid going back home), learnt that tomorrow Rob has a long appointment at the dentist and Matthew is expected to visit us. Ordering a 'free' coffee with my stamped card I was recognised by a person currently having a break from AA meetings who would later be seen drinking their 5th pint. I guess time will tell whether they're powerless over alcohol, or not.
4.30 got ready 4.41 left for bank - back 4.51: transferring money from the non-chequebook account to the chequebook account was pointless because target account does turn out to have accepted my electronic transfer (from the August 4th - apparently arrived with them on the 10th after all, despite them telling me other things on that day!). That's success in one way though obviously something else I need to take care off. 4.51-5.12 online. By 5.10pm, 808 calories and 2,237 grams (36 kcal/100g).
5.12-9.33 gym outing. 5.30-7.50 workouts: step with Jason was busy; pump with Hannah - my strength was OK; punch with dominic - was paired with a guy that was stronger than me, left as soon as partnerwork was over (around 7.50pm). 7.50-9.33 met with Nina and Kelly at the poolside. At one point we entered a somewhat-cramped jacussi and apparently I embarassed Naz who left for the sauna the theory being he is a show-off but only with another of his mates present (alternatively he was after one of the 3 young girls at the sauna and it was time to persue them). Sam came up in conversation - I also gave the girls the heads up that Combat may be moving to 6pm (something that neither wants to happen, it turns out) and we talked about arrangements for the wedding tomorrow and the recent interest from the running-obsessed man. MP3 on for ride home.
Food 9.40pm-0.55am: 1092 calories and 2011 grams (54 kcal/100g). After 2 months at 70g (which itself was an emotion-driven decision) decided to change protein target back to 60g (but make it a lower limit rather than a hard target to aim to not go over). Narrowly avoided also increasing calories at the same time. 9.49pm online and audio begines. 1.32am computer off.
Up at 6.10am computer immediately on for logical continuation of yesterday's online/audio catch-up session. 6.53am reload MP3 player 7.15am told dad I intend to come to allotment and started getting ready 7.33 some breakfast 7.40 told mum I was ready 8.05 finally get picked up home by 9.45 - I spent most of the time picking raspberries. Mum got me some summer and winter squash. According to mum most supermarkets have recently stopped giving out plastic carrier bags (though this does not apply if using the self-service tills due to technical reasons). Raced to get things done (getting changed, putting things away, packing) before being picked up.
10.23 picked up in Gary (Kelly's husband) car with her and two daughters sitting at the back - our car was the first to make the car park at the registry office. Next came Jerry (with Nina's girls) and Nina's dad with partner. The 4th car with Nina, her sister and sister's two daughters was last to arrive. Jerry went in to have a head-start on paperwork. Nina's hair and make-up were done at her sister's. The kids ranged in age 7 to 14 (one of the 12 year old looked 15-16 though), there were 8 of us adults, with Nina's dad looking a similar age to Jerry and about 5 of us roughly in our 30s.
At around 11 we were called into the function room where we sat and waited whilst Nina was diverted elsewhere. I used the camcorder. The ceremony was all over by 11.20am and we went into the garden for pictures (lots of permutations and I only feature in a small proportion). I swapped cars so Kelly and family could travel with one of Nina's sister's daughters who could be a 'live sat nav' and direct them to the reception, whilst I travelled with the newly married couple. We got there around noon.
It was a house of many animals (fish, guinee pigs, cats and a dog) with a large-sized spread of food in the dining room. We started with alcohol - served Cava (a sparkling white wine? 12% ABV) and people drunk and ate. Cake (chocolate, multiple layers separated by cream and topped by a a thicker layer of cream) was served at a later point. Had a couple of glasses of the drink before attacking the food. Set up a 'station' at the corner, weighing foods and measuring volume of drink but just jotting things down trusting myself not to go overboard without adding things up as I go. Started with meat and fish and branched out to more outright rubbish. Had a third drink and tried some of the cake as well. It was observed that the drink nearly sent me to sleep. Hearing about the guinee pigs I wanted to see them. The 2nd time I handled the white one, I playfully inserted my finger in its mouth and that was when it drew some blood. During the reception I gave Nina and Kelly a slightly more elaborated version of my family history (including time my family spent in New York in the early 80s when I was 8 years old). Last hour characterised by adults congregated in dining room telling each other anecdotes.
In correlation I guess you could say with the food served at the buffet, Nina's sister was slightly on the round side though I wasn't sure whether she'd make the overweight category or the healthy range, i.e. whether her BMI is above or below 25. There were a total of 8 adults and 6 children though and everyone else was in the healthy range, so that's either 0 or 1 overweight out of 14 which is much better going than the UK population where presumably over 60% are overweight or obese. All the guests (at a guess) had more calories than me on this ocassion (some had a couple of slices of cake - each slice could be as much as 500 calories) and none were counting their calories - they can make an exception for the ocassion nad have other compensatory habits during 'normal' times, which work for them. The only 'diet' behaviour I saw was Nina's dad and partner sharing one slice of cakes in between them.
After about 3 hours at Nina's sister's house, Nina's dad and Kelly's family were making their respective moves and I decided to make my exit with the latter, making it home by 3.16pm. Within 10 minutes I was in bed, resting for half an hour. At 3.55pm woken up by Matthew who was in a pub. 4.06-4.30 data entry to assess the damage. 4.30-4.50 get ready for outing, this included serving myself 3 shots (75ml) of vodka. By 4.50pm, 1,534 calories and 2,509 grams (61 kcal/100g).
4.50-7.35pm: headed to pub where Matthew was already joined by Rob. Matthew had an IBM ThinkPad laptop to sell on but forgot to bring an appropriate charger, so won't be able to find out if it works for a while, though can already guess the specification isn't as impressive as mine as the 'Windows NT / Windows 98' sticker suggests it is older than my circa-2004 laptop which has a Windows XP sticker. Rob received a Dell laptop with a Windows XP sticker which presumably is better-specified (if Matthew had told me he was in town at the same time he told Rob, I might have arrived first and claimed the better machine, this is just the kind of thing that could have wound me up if I wanted it to). Unusually for Rob, he wasn't drinking alcohol (because of the painkillers he was on) so my own drinks taken shortly beforehand may have been a mis-calculation though unlike the earlier drinks at the reception at least these were not sending me to sleep. With the WiFi at the pub, Matthew used his laptop to bring up my shadow video on YouTube. Matthew wanted to leave the pub as it was getting noisy and Rob wanted to go home where he could get soup (the only thing he was allowed to eat) which suited me fine as it meant I could make my AA meeting, the first one I'd be attending since Sunday.
7.45-9.30pm: arrived at AA meeting, a bit apprehensive about the possibility someone could tell I had alcohol about 3 hours earlier. A man sat besides me and something they said about football had me talking about how I got into exercise and instructing (a relative newcomer, only coming for a few weeks and struggling with the God concept and the nature of the group). I enjoyed the meeting. At the end they didn't want to join for the serenity prayer which intrigued me and unusually for me I stayed to chat for a while.
Food 9.38pm-10.30pm: 366 calories and 1136 grams (32 kcal/100g). Rest from 10.35pm, bedtime 11.05pm or a little after. Clearly the day's percentages were hardly ETL but I feel 'calm' about this.
Up at 7.20am (4 mid-sleep interruptions; last night featured food and drink that was too heavy, despite (or perhaps because?) I had less than 400 calories to play with). Haven't seen my morning weight as low as today (51 kilos) in quite a while - I guess it helps giving me the confidence I need to keep increasing calories! 7.20-8.10: ate breakfast and got ready.
8.10-9 left for the gym, the barcode of my membership card is worn from repeated use and Charlie offered to create a new one for me, showered, saunad (forgot my handwrap gloves downstairs). Dave spotted me at the computer checking the weather forecast and passed on potatos and tomatos from Michelle's garden 9-10 missed the chance to ask Angela about shadowing but got up on stage anyway, figuring I'd find out if I wasn't welcome sooner or later. Elaine was present and someone later reported she was making some funny faces. Again enjoyed myself lots on stage. Either Angela or a combination of participants came up with new funky moves for the uppercut speedball combo on track 3. 10-11.16 stayed for pump even though I knew I was doing it tomorrow, noticed strong girl moving from front at combat to hide at the back for pump. Nina and Jerry made their workout (apparently the reception didn't last much longer once we left). At reception collected my replacement card and also converted my tarrif to one cheaper by £2 a month which apparently doesn't allow me visits to clubs in other towns (I haven't used this privilege so far), this effectively locks me into this gym for another year (but I wasn't going anywhere!).
11.16-12.20: spotted Dave and Marie having coffee and junk food with Lee and Simon at the coffee place outside the gym - joined in (not for the coffee - I was munching on Michelle's tomatos instead!). By the end of that conversation I knew some more about Sam (e.g. the father of her new baby) also more insight into behind the scenes goings-on at the gym on July 11th and 18th (the first of which involved me). I made a decision not to rush to the AA meeting at Newport Pagnell and instead headed home, stopping for a chat at Kelly's workplace.
12.25-12.35 called Rob who was already out with Matthew (at their local pub - confounding me by being technically allowed to drink but chosing not to). 12.50-1.45 online, including failing to renew library books (as have done this too many times). Food from 12.30 and throughout.
1.45-2.30 out to renew books at the library, looked for Kelly (who had gone shopping during her break) and visited bank (first teller couldn't handle the transfer I required, second one wasted my time by telling me the bank is falling over themselves to lend me £15,000 - I'm pretty sure they wouldn't if they had more insight into my low income by they're on a need-to-know basis, and I've decided they don't need to know this...); sampled coffee ice-cream on my walk back home.
2.30-3pm spoke with Nash (I wanted to speak with him earlier when I was killing time at the bank queue) 3-3.40 rest. 3.40-4.27pm call from Matthew and Rob who are now in town, used computer to figure out calories so far, drunk 3 shots (75ml) vodka and packed 3 more with me.
4.27-9.40: left for old Whetherspoons; Rob was drinking at this point. At 5pm had a bit of Rob's Italian garlic bread (on solids now he ate his pasta but bread proved to be too painful). At 5.55pm topped myself up with the extra alcohol, sealing the deal on the shape of the evening as there was no way I could now look sufficiently sober to avoid embarassing myself at an AA meeting. By 6pm, 1,363 calories and 3,069 grams (44 kcal/100g).
Around 8pm scared myself by having thoughts about binge-eating. Made a note to look up the word 'spiritual' which I used to explain that AA wasn't a religious program but got stuck trying to define, and indeed generally failed to convey what it is that I get from AA meetings that I find lacking from other parts of life - explaining it was about the kind of conversation you get I evidently wasn't making sense as Matthew talked in turn about quality debate and intellectual converstaion. We left the pub heading for a Ninjas & Pirates party. Rob and Matthew were holding DVD-Rs with hand-written labels, being software and movie pirates respectively and I wore my handwrap gloves as a fighter of sorts.
9.40-10.54: this was my first time at Collet's place or indeed my first visit to 'The Hub' a relatively new part of town. Altogether 14 of us in the party in this one-bedroom flat with several people attracted to the balcony where smoking was permitted. Some people made more of an effort with their costumes. We walked in on a drinking game called "I've never done this". As before with this crowd, I felt like a bit of an outsider, did not fit in (and it still winds me up about the girl who I added to facebook who has not approved me). Considered leaving for quite a while before actually doing so, MP3 player on for ride home.
Food 10.54pm-midnight: 537 calories and 922 grams (58 kcal/100g). Ready for bed at 0.10am but took me ages to fall asleep (1am?).
Up at 7.35am (after 2 mid-sleep interrupts). By 7.50am soaked some mung beans. 7.50-8.15am sorted my nutrition info 'file' (consisting of old packets - did find mung beans but that packet only had uncooked figures) 8.15-8.40 cooked some chow-mein noodles I found along the way and got ready. 8.40-9 made a raspberry smoothie (with some I froze yesterday, and Whey powder).
9am computer on 9.10 online - initially to look up nutrition for mung beans and the word 'spiritual' and spillover to CPH spam detection. 10.09 disconnected. 10.14-10.48 cycle to AA in bletchley (MP3 on, watching out for candy bars in the street - there were none). 10.48-11.45 settled down in the meeting, chair was a woman 6 years sober, I made notes as she shared (including the word 'spiritual', how a physical reaction to alcohol will surely fail to translate for online/audio, those 5 MP3-player-free days including 12 hours with no time-wasting that exact time last week now just a faint memory, are my fears of the digital TV socket installation justified? being somewhat behind with diary write-ups and feeling uneasy at yesterday's party) at times was in danger of falling asleep 11.45-12.40 usually I make myself a 2nd drink in the break but instead talked to a member I know since OA days - he challenged me by suggesting I wouldn't write the diary if it had no readers but I think I still might. also mentioned their own issues analagous to my time-wasting. 2nd part of the meeting had interesting shares (because of my conversation in the break felt as though I already had). 12.40-1.20pm MP3 on for ride back. 1.20-1.42 bumped into Kelly who was having her break then got back home. (Knew that another pub outing with Matthew was a possibility but deliberately didn't call to find out about it.)
1.50pm made a smoothie and a raw beetroot creation 2.20 finalised camcorder DVD, copied to external hard-drive, dealt with apparent problems with conversion software's 'crop' function by converting then cropping in two steps 3pm aple scan 3.32 online - grpggs, radio, CPH (and food too) By 5pm, 1,038 calories and 2,566 grams (40 kcal/100g). 5.15pm computer off.
5.19 left for gym, set up a couple of steps and bars for Jason's class 5.30 Nina's first Step since her op (felt a little weak) 6.15 Kelly joined us for pump (as she observed at the time, I don't really want to do two pumps in 2 days and was only doing this because of Nina and Kelly), made my decision to increase calories to 1950 from today.
7.30 brief jacussi no time for sauna, learnt a bit more about Dennis who fits in 50-70 miles of running a week despite being married with 4 kids and commuiting to London, and an insight into the over-the-top training ideas he has for preparing Nina and Kelly for their 10km run (I don't see them commiting 5-6 days a week to this, they don't want to fulfill their potential that badly or in other words they're not that obsessed with running). 8.05pm made the pub for hot drinks (having drunk alcohol for the previous 2 days I talked a bit about how I drink). Home by 9.11pm.
9.20-10.10pm cooked the mung beans I soaked in the morning (they cook rather quickly - boiled them for 10 minutes and simmered for 12 before turning the heat off, later reserving the cooking liquid and refrigerating in tupperware. Cooked potatos 10.14-10.55pm. Food 9.16pm-10.55pm: 912 calories and 1148 grams (79 kcal/100g). Overshot protein target by much (and I'm ok with that). Did not hit vegetable target. Computer off by 11.03pm - 52 kilos at bedtime.
Up at 8.35am (with 2 mid-sleep interrupts), identified the items I'm trying to avoid doing are my diary updates (none written since Wednesday), picking berries at the allotment and dealing with the weight-loss challenge. 8.45 started on breakfast and also dealing with the spinach that has been unrefrigerated since it arrived on Thursday night (!)
9am called FitPro to see if my shadow video has been assessed (my call has no bearing on the process which can still take another 2.5 weeks); also spoke with dad. 9.10-10.30 more food prep (spinach, apples, summer squash) and eating (another smoothie) 10.30 booked next Saturday afternoon for digital TV installation work and asked for lift. Dad picked me up at 10.50am and I made it home by 12.45pm with 10 boxes of raspberries (and some non-cooking apples mum picked for me).
12.50-1.08 took care of new produce and made another smoothie 1.08-1.35 took my smoothie for a walk and had a brief chat with Kelly (who was having a busy Monday at work) MP3 on walk back home. Bed cleared by 1.45pm. 1.45-2.50 rest/nap.
2.50-4.30 wrote up diary for Thursday and Friday (just 15 minutes of breaks and snacking on apples). 4.30-5.03 mum and dad arrived deliving stuff (post, spices, large knife, produce including beetroot, potatos, radish and dried broad beans which I immediately soaked in water); I cooked and ate some beetroot and potatos.
5.03-5.40 online to post diary for Thu and Fri then side-tracked into emails; made myself a smoothie with raspberries picked this morning; By 5.30pm, 1,237 calories and 3,604 grams (34 kcal/100g).
5.40 got ready for gym. 5.50-7.30pm cycled to gym, drew comment from Saffron for missing Jam (apparently 5 turned up and Shey did the all-new choreography); at combat once more not shadowing whilst Shey records herself again and apparently from next week tracks are mixed up (will I still be able to shadow?) I was wearing my jacket as I got out but based on my face Dave suggested I've lost weight. MP3 on for ride home.
7.38-9.09pm wrote up Saturday, breaks for cooking experiments, contrasting cooked and raw beetroot, used food processor on apple and a slicing attachment on potatos (came out longer and much thinner than when cubed by hand - not a winning combination).
9.09-10.02 lights off and a nap! 10.02-10.18 got up, some food prep. 10.18-10.56 wrote up Sunday. 11.09-11.37 last bit of food-related activity. 11.37-0.07 wrote up Monday and wrote out a to-do list. 0.08am decided against going online - computer off.
Food 7.35pm-9.05pm and 10.11pm-11.25pm: 713 calories and 1088 grams (66 kcal/100g).
Up at 6.25am (2 mid-sleep interruptions) a bit clumsy and dropped a covered tupperware box of frozen raspberries on the carpet which upon impact opened, shattered into some pieces and raspberries needed to be rescued off the carpet (still used them in my morning smoothie), got dressed and ready.
Left for Body Combat practice at the gym 7.01am-9.30am - MP3 on. One of the girls from reception has now been promoted to duty manager and I bumped into her when she was doing her rounds (at reception she greets me by name so I ought to learn what hers is too!), chat to Saffron during combat was about vegetables we both eat and about our alcohol habits wheras in our breaks we explored the way people make unwarranted assumptions (and I learnt that she was a Majestrates Judge for 10 years), whether a photo-ID card is likely to be misused if it fell into the wrong hands and whether a gym membership card belongs to you or the club. I called FitPro to ask for a CD to replace my cracked Body Combat 40 but didn't commit when they asked for £5 (because I didn't ask for one within the 30 days since I first received it), I'm disappointed!
Body Pump 9.30-10.47 Jo mixed things up by going to older material, the front end was from a few releases ago and I think the back end was from another release but am not sure. Jo was turning a latecomer away and it looked like that person was pretending not to hear or understand her (Jo was assertive and got her way). At the weekend Jo and 'combat collegue girl' both attended a training course for a 'Nike' branded workout and were apparently both still in pain. Headed directly home (MP3 on) made it by 10.47am.
10.47 made a smoothie 11.02-11.40 next kitchen project was cooking the dried broad beans I soaked last night (which expanded from 416g to 749g) - at 11.20 after they had boiled for 12 minutes I continued to simmer whilst consulting mum (who guessed I should simmer for ages) whilst tasting twice eventually deciding that 20 minutes was plenty.
11.31 MP3 player getting close to empty for 'priority content' so reloaded it 11.45 snack & food data-entry 11.56 diary 12.10 shave, loo break 12.23 try a few broad beans & rest 12.33 nails, pack, get dressed
12.38 left for Wolverton, cycled with MP3 off 1.06 got to roundabout and picked mini-plums (majority off ground not off tree as it felt I'd otherwise 'waste' them) 1.41-1.46 cycle on to psychologist.
1.46-3.08 at psychologists (only had 5 minutes to myself before I was seen not the full 14 minutes until 2pm; in waiting room tried giving A(achieve) and P(pleasure) scores to my grid when the psychologist showed up early to usher me in, having not filled them in at the time (maybe if I waited outside the building until 2pm I would have had more time to do it!) I was asked to point at grid and identify avoidance behaviour that I wanted to CHANGE. I couldn't identify what I wanted to actually CHANGE (some stuff looked fine just needing change in emphasis) - where I have spotted overindulgence e.g. time spent on eating or online I am scared to commit to changes and without this the sessions are actually going to waste. Some things are clearly compatible with my 'retired' life but not with a much busier working life! My homework is to prioritise reading the book (did no reading this week!), continue with the grid, this time assign A & P scores, also ideally sometimes use it to PLAN what I'll be doing ahead of time.
3.10 collected more plums, focusing on yellow ones 3.24 cycled back (this time MP3 on) 3.57 got home - typed up notes 4.04 undress and loo
kitchen session 4.09-4.42pm prepare beetroot 4.13 unpack and sort mini-plums 4.25 make raspberry smoothie 4.37 eat smoothie
'directed' online session 4.42-5.28pm: synchronise time on devices, look up calories in plums, look at some emails and CPH watched topics.
kitchen session 5.28-6.54pm continue working on and eating plums 5.55 looked at produce mum just dropped off (apples, carrots, avocados, potatos) (also filed away the PPL - music licence - which has now arrived) 6.07 washed the potatos 6.13 dad called to ask if I wanted even more radishes and to remind him about 'Brumbles' when I'm next there for berry-picking 6.15 removed green bits off some potatos 6.20 cooked oldest radishes for faster consumption 6.29 having sorted potatos by size, cubed up the smallest ones 6.43 food data entry
6.54 loo 7.01 rest (arguably a power nap) 7.26 up - ate plums and cooked radishes (consistent with plan to limit weight of food for the last meal of the day) and immediately felt over-full. Got ready to leave. By 7.40pm, 1,433 calories and 3,714 grams.
7.44 Left for AA. The chair was 52 years old and 'no-where near ready to retire', 3 months sober. My share was about already being 'retired' and how I looked at the grid and wasn't willing to change. At the end members collecting 4 and 6 month chips and a 12-month cake (amongst them my favourite AA girl). My tummy was uncomfortable throughtout meeting and on the cycle rides (MP3 on both ways).
9.33 back and settled down. 9.40 lights off and nap (up very briefly 11.15-11.18) 2.16am got up, food data entry, eating starting with mung beans 2.28 ate remaining calories focusing on potatos, did food stats 3.19 got ready for bed 3.22 lights off
Food: pre-snacking and 2.23am-3.10am: 517 calories and 553 grams (94 kcal/100g). (Assuming potatos reduced to 50% of raw weight, total food weight just 358g.) Veggies were mostly cooked and under weight target. Almost 1.4kg from plums (probably responsible for the tummy ache 7.30pm-10pm.)
I considered different 'achievement/pleasure' values will be applicable for different food-related activities, for example #1 getting food ready for storage/refrigeration or scanning for what needs consuming to avoid wastage
#2 making food more ready-to-eat to encourage consumption of certain types of food (e.g. to meet my veg targets), cooking dried beans
#3 time-consuming food-prep, e.g. chopping stuff I could eat faster unchopped (apple, runner bean, lettuce) so I could make a salad or flavour it or eat it more slowly (also includes making smoothies)
#4 indulging in food that takes a long time to eat.
6.25am up 7.16-8.08 food, 8.08-8.48 online
9.03 head for gym (MP3 on), spoke to Marie about calories and metabolism and started thinking about breaking my 2-week rule and jump straight to 2000 after just 3 days at 1950 though keep a close eye on my weight. Body Step: Jo's doing non-current tracks for everything except speed step, I started off weak got a bit better mid track 4 though hardly strong; after the class peered at the display showing off the new timetable - Wednesday Combat isn't moving from 7pm, I might give the Tuesday 6pm Punch with Laura a go, Jo will start teaching the brand-new 'Blast FX' at lunchtimes at a time I'll find between difficult and impossible to make. Either the new timetable starts from August 30th or you can start booking for it from that date (this should be possible to deduce tomorrow or the day after); returning mum's call instead got dad confirming to him that I'm very interested in Winter Squash, less so about other veg none of which have featured too much in recent days which is why their stock and status isn't rolling off my tongue; Reputedly one of the sunniest days in the year but I probably won't spend much (if any) time outdoors.
11.16 food (also worked on Weight Loss Challenge) 11.54-12.58 rest for over an hour!
1.10-1.37 brief walk out in the sun (eat some plums on the way [4]) Kelly was halfway through her break, she was in the gym for early morning spin but generally failed to scoop me with the details of the new timetable - though it is possible both her and Nina are skipping Combat and if so I intend to catch at least part of the AA meeting)
1.37-2.08 the older spinach wasn't appealing to eat raw so decided to rescue it by cooking, spicing and food-processing into a 'dip' [1] also made a blackberry smoothie [3] 2.08-2.40 eat at computer 2.40-4.20 another nap whilst feeling so full I put some of the food (spinach dip and summer squash) in fridge for later 4.20-5.34 continue diarising.
Knowing I was commiting to a low-weight dinner I got greedy with remaining plums and a raspberry smoothie, indeed felt uncomfortably full before I started attacking the smoothie and by the time I left for the gym I had no idea how I'd be working out never mind standing on stage. Brief (25 minute) online session, achievement was (finally) updating the challenge table 'graphic'. By 6.50pm, 1,243 calories and 3,669 grams (34 kcal/100g).
6.52pm left for gym, feeling tired and bloated. Sat on stage before class. Angela: "are you coming up, then? (to class:) he's been getting better, hasn't he?". After leading warm-up "you'll be doing different tracks today". Altogether I ended up having that microphone for tracks 2-9 which was obviously more than fine. She slipped some tips for me from time to time about what to say, how to get them shouting etc. At the end (she did an abbreviated stretch) she encouraged them to clap for me and I got some brief positives from individuals who came up to let me know I did good. Great as being hated is one of my biggest fears - largely all down to Angela who has recently thrown herself into being helpful to me. I have to see her for a de-brief I'll try to catch her tomorrow before her morning class. After updating Kelly and Nina about what they've missed I made the AA meeting around 8.25pm - 25 minutes late but I'd rather look at the positive. The person in the chair - I enjoy his shares so it was good to hear the 2nd half of his chair. Had reservations but still had my hot drink in the break. There were plenty of good shares in the 2nd half (I squeezed myself in towards the end, about how important it was to keep my resentment 'managed' at bay when I wasn't allowed to shadow earlier this month). It was a fantastically full meeting. Once more saw a girl I see so rarely I keep assuming she's gone back out drinking but more likely we just do different meetings and this is one of them.
9.50 home; online from 10.36pm; Food 10.30pm and 0.10am-1.15am: 757 calories and 435 grams (174 kcal/100g). Just for a change, a potato-free day! Bedtime 1.41am.
6.25 woke up, made some notes 6.50 continued to rest 7.16 refrigerated all potatos [1] 7.21 chopped more summer squash [2] 7.27 loo, weigh-in 7.34 made smoothie [3] 7.44 ate it 7.49 typing diary 8.03 eating 8.08 post diaries, other CPH-related online activity 8.48 loo, dress, get ready 9.03-11.04 gym outing.
11.04 home, made notes 11.09 loo, undress, squeeze the apples into fridge [1] 11.16 eat plums [4] make smoothie [3] 11.28 eat smoothie [4] whilst working on weight-loss-challenge table 11.54 rest 12.58 up, freeze some of the broad beans [1] 1.06 get ready 1.10 outing sun/kelly
1.37 spinach + smoothie 2.08 eating [4] & data entry 2.24 eating [4] & type notes 2.40 long nap 4.20 resume typing 4.47 write-up Tuesday (+resume eating summer squash with spinach dip) 4.55 Kelly texted to confirm she won't be at combat 4.59 resume Tue diary 5.24 Tuesday grid 5.34 loo, plums, entry 5.45 texts 5.59 making smoothie - full beforehand! 6.10 eat smoothie + get dressed & ready 6.24 online: re-export tables, finally updated challenge table graphic 6.48 finish smooothie 6.52-9.50 gym/AA outing.
9.50 home, write-up, experiment with split format. 10.23 get comfortable 10.29 eat mung beans 10.36 online: backups 10.40 radio4 10.49 watched topics, look at cycle paths to newport pagnell in case I go to AA on Thursday nights when it is dark 11.04 CPH spam 11.12 inbox-spark, post diary 11.25 ific 11.32 emails 11.44 MSE 0.18 radio/emails + groggs 0.44am unread blogs stand at 170! 0.48 radio/snacking 1.08 food stats 1.18 download podcasts - blogs now down to 133 1.37 get ready for bed (51.5kg) 1.41 lights off
Up at 6.27am (just under 5 hours of sleep with 1 mid-sleep interruption had me roughly one kilo lighter on my scales - which report to nearest 0.5kg). Got ready, breakfast was hot chocolate, broad beans and raspberry-apple smoothie (taking raw summer squash cubes to snack on).
7.03 headed to gym (MP3 off both ways) didn't realise Charlie was in the Duty Manager team; 7.30 practiced combat with Saffron who as ever was a good sport. We talked about how I used to be 'in front' technologically speaking but now people both young and old are overtaking me with their skill. At least two people independently 'have an issue' with a Jam presenter using a regular class situation to introduce pre-release choreography (personally I think it is a privilege!), one of those people also has an issue with me eating in the studio (it was only cubed summer squash and as the box was empty they couldn't have seen them though next time I'll make sure to hide the box once I'm done). Chatted to Marie when she arrived. 9.30 left studio 1 as Pump started - caught Angela but she was in a rush to teach her Spin class and would be dashing off straight after so we said I'd get the number from someone who has it and contact her that way. Asked Kelly about meeting for lunch. Home 10.03am.
My flushing system at home isn't the most powerful in the world and sometimes I have to supplement it with a bucket full of water in order to get the desired effect. Obviuosly I could modify my diet in a number of ways to make this a non issue but I don't think I'd want to. For example a "low residue" diet (a diet very low in fibre) is one way to go - another option (which I talk about more than I do) is to substantially increase the amount of liquids I drink (though not sure just how much impact that will have). For now it is down to the bucket for assistance - probably at least once every 2 days.
Backed up my cracked CD onto CDR in case it later becomes unusuable and moved video files to external HD to make more room on the cramped laptop. Apple and lettuce scans. Outing (1-1.42pm) visited Kelly for her lunch break and called sis during hers (1.34-2.08pm). Made smoothies with the last two boxes of frozen raspberries. Listened to a Collins and Herring podcast and diarisied.
Going online I received the results of my shadow video submission were that resubmission is required with focus on my lacking technique and coaching skills ( Video feedback word document as a Google document here: http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dfwhcwnr_68fncn3jcb ). Updated various people about my results and got a bit of instant sympathy. By 5.10pm, 1,158 calories and 3,002 grams (39 kcal/100g).
Headed out to the gym at 5.13pm. When I arrived at the gym I briefly caught up with Saffron before class. Body Step was well attended and in the front row I had Sam on my left and Emma on my right with a couple of beginner guys at the very back. Updated Hannah on recent developments just before Pump (felt reasonably strong). With an odd number at Punch I initially got paired up with instructor Dominic which was great in terms of attention to technique. I took pity on the smaller of two guys (the larger one was my partner last Thursday) but when Dominic suggested a swap (he'd take on the larger guy) I found out to my cost that the smaller one was still more vicious than I'd have hoped (where are girl partners when you need them!). At 7.50pm the abs section started and I made my escape towards the sauna. Nina is enjoying her holiday - she enjoyed finding the YouTube video of her wedding whilst watching my Body Combat video. Kelly is considering significant changes to her routine as a result of new classes on the gym timetable.
I actually spent most of my sauna time talking to another member of the gym about their business idea which requires that a website to be created. They want it to be based on PHP and MySQL technology which I recall being attracted to around this time 2 years ago, specifically because the technologies are free and/or OpenSources and it is easy to find completely free hosting to prototype your solution (for example ByteHost). Thus my calorie counting display applicaiton at http://nirmk.byethost13.com/staticfood/days.php is indeed a PHP application with MySQL database back-end. However if I were to spend any new energy on development I'd gravitate towards ASP.NET and Microsoft SQL given that the tools are more productive (less effort for more results) and these skills will command more money in the job market. I pointed out the when Martin Lewis of Money Saving Expert fame talks about the history of his website he explains how the first version was developed using a programmer who 'bid' for the chance to develop the site on some website where developers bid to take on bits of programming work where the low cost of employing someone from a different country (e.g. Eastern Europe) can be realised. As the idea is to create a website with similar functionality to an existing one it was also suggested that the specification can be expressed in terms of existing features of said website. MP3 player was on for the ride home.
At home snacked on various high calorie density foods. Online from 10.10pm (initially for audio source - a catch-up section from around 10.40pm). Food 9.07pm-11.06pm: 842 calories and 492 grams (171 kcal/100g). Potatos limited by self-enforced food weight limit of 500g (using a new "potato--white-halfItsRawWeight" code to make for easier calculations). Called bedtime when too tired at 11.35pm.
6.27 up, weight 6.36 breakfast - make smoothie, get ready 6.49 eat smoothie 7.00 entry 7.03 leave 10.03 home, notes 10.16 Wednesday grid 10.24 get combfortable, shave 10.35 make smoothie, apple rescue, cube summer squash 10.53 eat smoothie 11.04 loo break 11.15 finish foods, make coco drink, sort small potatos 11.22 prep potato cubes 11.35 eat them 11.40 external HD, look for previously 'ripped' MP3s, move video files and table backups to external HD 12.19 backup CD to HD in 'NTI' format 12.24 grid 12.30 backup to CD-R + grid 12.42 apple scan[1] + get ready + podcast 1.00 left, waited for Kelly to go to lunch, ended up too windy outside, Kelly's expensive camera phone isn't as intuitive as my cheap Nokia 1.34 called sis back, started walking home 1.42 home (relief to have access to a loo) 2.00 started lettuce scan 2.08 sis lunchbreak ends
2.10 restarted podcast (at 0:10) 2.18 ate lettuce, chopped potatos 2.24 restarted lettuce scan 2.34 mum called - agreed 7.30am pick-up tomorrow 2.38 restarted podcast (0:44) 2.55 audio off, lettuce scan done, make smoothie 3.00 cube potato + 'naming of genes' audio 3.05 eat smoothie + potatos 3.10 audio off, Wednesday grid 3.21 notes 3.30 smoothie/audio 3.35 write-up 3.42 to-dos 3.46 reload MP3 3.59 online: radio, backup, post diary 4.11 opened shadow results email 4.37 sent texts 4.40 prepared potatos 4.45 got dressed 4.55 uploaded report to Google document so I can link to it from a facebook message 5.13 leave 5.30 step 6.00 pump 7.00 punch 7.55 sauna 9.01 home, got comfortrable, high calorie-density snacks and notes 9.45 popcorn, entry 10.04 new potato figures to estimate its weigh reduces to half in cooking 10.07 prep potato + podcast 10.10 online - radio 10.40 delete some PMs 10.49 all potatos eaten, data entry, had rest of calories from popcorn to be within weight limit. 11.06 done eating, 50.5kg after loo 11.14 emails 11.35 158 blog entries outstanding but am tired, computer off!
Up at 6.55am (1 mid-sleep interruption). This morning's 'freak low' of 50kg technically makes me underweight - this made me think of all the rituals to make this more likely: weigh yourself in the morning (after the longest period of fasting and after using the toilet), naked, drinking more liquids to encourage my colon to be as empty as it is going to be - contrast that with what standard practice at the GP and in hospital where they don't even ask you to take your shoes off, empty your pockets or take your jackets off - any clothing and any time of day is OK by them. With those sorts of guidelines how do they ever diagnose anyone as underweight? Anyhow, what is more of a "true" weight? an unrepresentatively low naked morning weight, or a more 'typical' one from later on in the day? This came up not long ago when I was comparing myself to Nina on the gym scales. She does not own a scale and therefore the weight she thinks of herself as being is always one that includes her clothing and her last meal!
I forced myself to wake up so can go to allotment before workout and have enough time for breakfast and getting ready beforehand. Put 300g of dry cannelini beans to soak to hopefully cook in evening. Made a smoothie from apples I froze yesterday - a disappointment as they lose their crunch (never an issue with berries as they're not crunchy to begin with). Made contact with mum then dad - dad picked me up at 7.36am. We started with brumbles: these are thorny and mostly over my head (almost fell off step ladder - not the best of my ideas). For raspberries I asked that we start at the 'best' bush rather than leaving it till last - dad helped with picking. Mum then showed up and drove me home.
9.42-10.22 stopover at home: mum helped carry up the winter squash and prickly cucumber then stayed whilst I froze as many raspberries as would fit in and satisfied my hunger by starting to cook the winter squash and also prepared a couple of 'Nir' dishes (stewed apple with cocoa powder and sweetner; and raw summer squash cubes with reheated mung beans in falafel seasoning). Mum left at 10.04am and I continued to eat, make notes and get ready to leave - eventually doing so at 10.22am.
Despite the late time didn't miss any Body Step. Had a first glimpse at Sam's 5-week-old baby boy and received a few potatos and tomatos from Marie before the class. At times during the class, for example during including the warm-up and parts of tracks 6 and 10 I did notice having a bit of energy. When Sam kept her step high after track 4 I thought she was 'welcome to it' and didn't try to compete and although I raised my step to match Dave on a point of principle for track 10, when he took it back down again after being told off by Jo I was almost grateful to her and immediately followed suit as whilst I had some energy for the workout I didn't have it in spades.
The theory I've been testing since June (and rather slowly) is that potatos have skewed my calorie counting, that once my calorie counting has been corrected by acccounting for their raw calories I'll be able to lose fat in a more predictable fashion and (some call this "flux") at my exercise levels I should be able to eat far more calories. I'm being cautious (some might say overly cautious) about sudden changes to my routine, but the idea is that I'll end up eating many more calories and still losing weight (or maintaining, or slowly gaining muscle).
I am looking forward to eating more calories. I am looking forward to having more energy for my workouts and today's fresh angle is that I'm wondering whether my extra need for sleep and naps is also related to calories and thus whether I can expect to also require less sleep once properly fuelled. At the same time I'm also thinking that this all hinges on the "flux" concept and my calories burnt from exercise become critical. After all, with unadjusted RMR of 1400, had I just been sedentary my maintenance calories are about 1700 so at my current intake of 2000 I'd be at a 300 calorie daily surplus. I'd estimate my exercise (currently averaging 105 minutes a day, not including some light cycling around town) to burn 500-700 calories a day - but it is only an estimate, and rather crucial to make all this maths work.
More broadly, both the 12 step world and the psychology and Cognitive Behavioural Training world somewhat rely on the concept of having theories and performing experiments to see if they're true (e.g. walking to the bar for another drink, or acting As If there's a power greater than yourself, not avoiding situations or dropping precautions etc.). My other experiment of the moment is about the relationship between the weight of my evening food and drink and the quality of my sleep.
I hang around for a bit after the class. Jo re-interacted that Body Step is an athletic workout - for example I need to straighten both my arms and legs in certain poses. Jo and Marie were comparing notes on their fish. As I emerged out (MP3 player on) I felt like a fish - caught by heavy rain (it was really chunking down) I fashioned myself a bandana from a plastic bag, covering the bike's seat with another.
Finally home by 12.09pm - food prep, eating, diarising, Collins and Herring podcast. Nap 2.49-3.19pm. Online from 3.42pm. worked out my typical macronutrient ratios at present are P/F/C: 14%/11.3%/74.7%. Another smoothie at 5.15pm. By 6pm, 1,181 calories and 3,500 grams (34 kcal/100g).
Went out at 6.07pm (thinking I spotted my lift's car - I was wrong but they did turn up within 5 minutes) on the way they said they lost 2lb despite questionable food choices on their holiday and the thing is they're currently so large that I've previously reflected to myself I'd have no way of knowing (short of taking a photograph of them now and in a year's time) what direction they're moving in so I'm glad they're able to use scales to judge their own progress. At the meeting we had 10 people including 2 relative newcomers and 2 returners (one of whom was there for roughly the first 6 months of my OA experience and whom in their absence I imagined have decided they didn't really have a food problem when seeing them in their primary meetings in AA rooms). All but 3 people (naturally, the 3 I did not hear before) shared. I was 5th to share, using notes I made (my share touched on denial about being underweight and my need to use objective measurements like weight and calories, ups and downs of the week, how filling in a grid is interfering with the experiment and never getting to my priority tasks, relapsing on food quality including the wedding and alcohol (and audio and online) and my recommitment to lighter evening meals. Afterwards learnt something about the 2 newcomers who have travelled from other towns. The raw food enthusiast may start some Raw events in my town. Got a lift back into town - was 3 minutes late into AA so didn't make myself a hot drink. Couldn't resist the MP3 player on the walk home - back at 9.18pm.
Noticed my clothes not including jacket making a 1.5kg difference to my weight (52.5kg vs 51kg).
Cooked the cannelini beans. Audio in background most of the time. Tired so once more didn't clear the blog backlog (about 193). Food 9.23pm-11.40pm: 819 calories and 490 grams (167 kcal/100g) - included potatos and popcorn.
6.55 up, notes 7.01 cannelini, apples smoothie 7.13 loo, weigh-in 7.24 ate smoothie; called dad for lift 7.28 dress, bleach 7.36 dad arrived, left 9.42 home (with mum) froze raspberries, cooked winter squash, stewed cocoa apple, summer squash + mung beans 10.04 mum left, continued eating, made notes 10.16 done eating, get ready 10.22 left
12.09 home, made notes 12.13 made a brumbles smoothie 12.27 winter squash 12.42 notes 13.06 loo, prickly cucumber 13.15 make raspberry smoothie, clear bed 13.28 cook winter, eat smoothie, 1.33 CH podcast, entry 1.46 winter swap, notes 2.12 loo, drink 2.22 notes 2.27 Thursday grid 2.49 rest comp off 3.19 up, loo, snack, entry 3.29 cube potatos, podcast 3.42 online 3.44 secured OA lift 5.50 post diary 5.56 radio 4.00 Phil 4.02 CPH spam, watched items, macronutrient 4.30 Phil, snack 4.34 mum called about printing favour 4.36 challenge table 4.42 2nd call, mum panicing 4.45 upload graphic, 4.50 CPH forum 5.05 prep smoothie 5.16 eat 5.20 entry 5.25 reboot 5.32 virus update 5.34 email 5.42 get ready - smarter dress 5.52 entry 5.57 groggs
6.07 OA, AA 9.18 weigh 9.23 notes 9.43 entry 9.52 potatos 10.06 cannelini soaked is 615g 10.09 placed on hob, reheat mung beans 10.13 overflow (started to boil) remove scum 10.22 potato chop 10.28 cannelini - simmer and taste one (not ready) 10.35 online, radio 10.47 radio finished, entry 10.52 watched topics 11.07 physicsdiet 11.19 cannelini heat off and drain, entry 11.26 eat popcorn 11.37 food stats 11.45 groggs 11.59 teeth, loo, 51kg 0.05 notes 0.11 download podcasts 0.23 blogs - 177 outstanding 0.29 computer off.
The trending average for my weight (as calculated by physicsdiet.com) has shown an average loss of 1lb per week for around 4 weeks on this graph (a freakishly quick rate of loss for me). The graph below is showing somewhat atypical weigh-ins for me (recall that in January I was trending at 56.5kg and had some 57.5kg weigh-ins).
As I continue to increase my calorie intake I anticipate that over the next few weeks I will stabalise at around 52kg (115lb or 8st 3lb, BMI 19.1).
Up a at 6.20am (6 hours sleep, 0 mid-sleep interruptions though of course it would have been 1 if I chose to go back to bed). Not underweight today so I guess yesterday's weigh-in just a fluke.
Diarised; breakfast was a smoothie winter squash and other things besides; listened to a Leigh Peele podcast and got ready. At 8.08am headed out. Got a couple of minutes with Angela before and after the combat class. She encouraged me to listen to the way she cued and spot people who're doing things incorrectly as I (just) shadowed the class. I was a bit tired for Pump. Our gym class booking system normally allows classes to be booked up to 10 days in advance, yet today it didn't let us book classes for September 1st so Saffron currently suspects our new timetable might start on that date.
Angela said she'll talk to me at more length if was still around after noon. Dave and Marie were not staying for a coffee but I had alternative ideas including talking with Nina, going to the sauna, going on the internet and/or having my body fat established by gym staff with a multi-site caliper test. I used the gym scales (clothed, obviously) and got 51kg (50.3kg without shoes). Got Nina who was working out nearby to weigh herself (she got 53kg) chatted to her about my objective (not to be underweight i.e. not to go blow 50.5kg - as determined by those gym scales). Sat on an internet terminal and browsed over to http://www.brianmac.co.uk/fatcent learning about the 4 caliper measurements I'll need to establish body fat (noticed that if I'm 30 years of age then 22.4mm caliper reading translates to 12% but if I'm 29 years old then the same measurement gives me 8% this seems rather unfair) because of the time though no time to actually ask a member of staff to pinch me. Chatted to Nina's friend John who was sitting nearby at another computer - he was explaining that personal trainers at our gym who don't recruit enough new clients are "peanalised" - for the last 12 months they've been with the PT that Nina had for a couple of months.
Angela's Pilates class actually finished at 12.10pm and I waited whilst she was chatting to one of the women from that class before she moved on to me - and we indeed chatted at length whilst looking both at the feedback form (the one I received on Thursday) and the one from Module 2 (the course on July 12th) and talked at length (even mentioning potatos and calories...) until 1.25pm. Cycled home (nice and sunny day!), on the staircase quizzing my neighbour about their experience with the digitial TV installation. Home at 1.40pm.
I've noticed the number of hits on my diary has really plummeted recently - I've gathered numbers for the last 9 months (for each month, the average number of hits per day) which look like this: December 227 January 135 February 159 March 186 April 224 May 192 June 170 July 159 August 69. I don't know if this plummet is real or just an artifact. I have fewer readers than before - or perhaps I never had that many to begin with!
Had one smoothie at 2.30pm and another at 6.20pm. Online session 3-5pm (with food and audio) included a visit to viral wedding video mentioned at the gym ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0 ). Napped for an hour from 5.15pm. Annoyingly Digital TV people were no show so I was stuck at home on a very nice day and couldn't even go out to see if Kelly was available for a chat. Noticed the numbing affect with over-use of audio when not in an online session and actually stopped.
By 7.10pm, 1,392 calories and 3,559 grams - then headed out for an AA meeting (switched MP3 on shortly after departing). Made myself 2 coffees. Heard the chair before but he had lots of different angles. Amongst program stuff there was "treat me special and I'll feel normal, treat me normal and I'll pick up a resentment". Sitting besides a couple of rather slim women made me wonder - are they underweight and also just reflecting about my plan and my fear of increasing calories and regaining fat in an unpredictable way. My share (right at the end) related to relying on people, specfically people at meetings as I don't have other people who willingly share the inside of their minds, doesn't seem to be the done thing elsewhere, perhaps other people are lucky enough to be surrounded with friends that talk about this sort of stuff but I'm lucky enough if my friends will agree to hear my stuff they rarely share back (and if they do they don't necessarily have similar addictive problems - unlike in a meeting). Shared that I can stop audio (as have done earlier today) but that's probably like stopping bear and picking up wine, because I can time-waste in a variety of ways (e.g. audio, food, online) what matters is not whether I can stop just one of those and switch it around but whether I can stop procrastinating and direct myself at what matters. Forgot to share that hearing my dad made be greateful that I've got a 'system' for stopping eating at the end of each day, a system (that currently works) for not gaining weight unpredictably, and health; and that I need to ask God what he wants me to spend my time on rather than go with my own will. Having said 'compulsive over-eater' in my share a womany I didn't recognise asked me if the Friday meeting was still going at the same time and place so I guess I'm carrying a message (if not "the message") just by going places. Felt comfortable enough with myself to chose to cycle without MP3 and was less lazy standing up instead of using easy gears. Rather frustrated with a pen that didn't work but it worked once I got home (at 9pm).
After making some notes, focused on food (to the exclusion of audio). Food 9.50pm-10.50pm: 608 calories and 490 grams (124 kcal/100g) - potatos, lentils and beans. 11pm bedtime (instead of going online).
6.20 up, charge phone, loo, weigh-in 50.5 6.30 comp on, notes 6.34 Friday grid 6.54 make drink, smoothie 7.08 cook chard, chop winter 7.14 audio+eat 7.19 leigh, cannelini 7.38 loo 7.43 dress 7.47 audio off, entry 7.56 get ready, leigh 7.59 audio off, shave, teeth 8.08 leave 1.41 home, notes 2.00 reheat squash, make hot chocolate 2.05 notes 2.09 views 2.30 make brumble-apple smoothie 2.38 undress, loo, clear bed 2.44 eat smoothie 2.55 letter to Iain 3.00 entry 3.06 online - gym booking, banking 3.25 watched topics 3.43 Herring podcast 3.57 viral wedding video 4.03 tried fixing intermittent speaker problem 4.08 post diary 4.13 download podcasts 4.18 entry 4.22 eat 4.33 blogs-MSEN 4.46 entry 4.52 podcast=0:52 blogs=170 computer off rest 5.10 snack 5.15 nap 6.17 up 6.20 make smoothie, podcast 6.29 moneybox podcasst 6.33 eat smoothie 6.35 audio off, entry 6.43 cube potatos 6.57 dress, get ready 7.07 eat, entry verify target reached (500-690 calories left) 7.10 leave 9.00 back, notes 9.15 grid 9.25 undress, entry, notes 9.38 cube pot (weigh in 52kg means my fluctuation range is more than 1.5kg) 10.42 back to 51.5kg, food stats 10.53 teath 10.59 rest
Up at 6.45am (1 mid-sleep interruption) strting the day with a smoothie. Soaked 300g chick peas I might cook tonight or tomorrow. Noticed I didn't do any food shopping this week. Online from 7.48am, audio from 9.27am - various things, got outstanding blog count down to 100.
At 11.19am broke away from both and started on elaborate cooking for pleasure and interest. Notable features include use of S-blade and Chip-Maker acessories of the food processor, in the case of cooking apples contrasting the taste, texture and eating experience of both side by side (S-blade: juicy, slightly reminded me of Charoset; Chip-Maker: more like dark-chocolate, more chewing, longer to eat). Also made desserts from cucumber, raw summer squash and raw carrots. Tried microwaved tandoori grated carrots (which stuck to the microwavable container). The cannlini mock falafel was more of a success. 1.23pm notes 1.35-3.45pm down to 0 blogs. Made another smoothie. A break from the computer, a brief rest and some final food. By 5pm, 1,338 calories and 3,404 grams (39 kcal/100g). Left at 5.10pm (MP3 off) for Step class with Nina (9 of us, Jason spotted basic stuff with my techniques e.g. bend knees for squats - and not the upper body) beforehand weighed myself at 52.5kg on gym scales (was 53kg on home scales). Then brief sauna with Nina before heading home (MP3 on in changing room and for cycle ride). Home at 7.30pm. Chick-peas have soaked up to 624g, started cooking them immediately - finally done 9.38pm so over 2 hours in all.
Food 7.42pm-9.40pm: 662 calories and 500 grams (132 kcal/100g). Calorie density ranged from the peanuts on the high side (571) to cooking apples on the low side (35), with just 91g of the 500g weight allowance allocated against potatos - in contrast 151g were allocated to chick peas. 10pm bedtime.
6.45 up 50.5kg 6.50 make smoothie, freeze cannelini 7.05 eat smoothie 7.13 review to-do list 7.19 soak, noticed I spent no money on food this week 7.23 type texts 7.44 rest 7.48 online, email mum 7.51 physicsdata 8.04 CPH - post diary, check for spam 8.15 update challenge 8.23 CPH briefly disappeared but now back 8.39 reviewed http://www.caloriesperhour.com/forums/forum1/9465.html 8.48 loo, drink, apple 8.58 back to CPH 9.22 groggs 9.27 audio=moneybox 9.35 radio4 9.42 load MP3 10.00 comp break 10.12 entry, audio=venuto,today blogs=dietblog,onion,mash 11.19 down to 100 blogs, comp+audio off, summer squash rescue - found frozen bit stuck to back of fridge + found squishy one, used food processor 'chip-maker' on apples and summer squash for apple-chocolate and summer-squash-cinnamon desserts 11.54 entry, only 377 calories by noon 12.02 cucumber-cocoa, also contrast apple-cocoa using S-blade method (inconclusive) 12.18 carrot-cocoa 12.28 tandoori-grated-potato (got stuck to pan) 12.35 apple-cocoa-ChipMaker 12.40 eat 12.47 +calc 12.52 apple-cocoa-S-blade 1.01 apple compare side-by-side 1.06 potato cubes; reheated cannelini, mixed with falafel spices and shreaded with S-blade, set into balls and microwaved 1.23 notes 1.35 online-CPH 1.42 loo 1.44 blogs=NHS,PN,richard,DiseaseProof, laura locked her wordpress blog tried registering but it didn't work frustrating 2.53 loo + cocoa apple chips 3.02 yes x4 cocoa makes a difference to colour and taste 3.04 down to 41 blogs 3.31 down to 16 blogs 3.45 0 blogs, notes 3.48 smoothie + broad beans 4.03 reboot 4.10 eat smoothie 4.15 rest 4.25 lentils 4.35 rest 4.50 cubed-potato and cocoa-apple 5.00 get ready 5.10 head for gym (MP3 off), step - 9 people, corrected by Jason for basic stuff e.g. not bending knees for squats 6.20 52.5kg on gym scales, sauna with Nina for a bit 7.30 home 7.31 heat on for 624g water-soaked chick peas 7.35 notes 7.38 first boil remove scum, undress, loo, snack 7.45 notes 7.51 toast 7.58 simmer, cube pot, entry 8.08 popcorn 8.14 grid 8.26 taste chick peas + process 8.32 grid 8.34 online - CPH 8.45 potato 8.59 reduction experiment - lost 28% of their weight after 2 minutes in microwave and definitely harder 9.07 apple, online 9.22 entry 9.24 popc, bread, dates, peanuts, chick peas 9.38 heat off, freeze chick peas 9.44 stats, notes, teath, 52kg 9.57 lights.
Up at 7.50am (2 interruptions), 4th day not underweight (50.5kg) we can put Thursday down as an aberation. Had breakfast, scanned the lettuce (I've been the less sexy produce recently and it has really suffered).
At 8.57am mum picked me up for the allotment. Whilst picking raspberries (9 boxes) also noticed blackberries so picked 3 boxes of those too. Mum and dad harvested a bunch of other stuff for me too. A longer stay than usual (tummy felt rumbly!) stopped when my boxes were full (I really squeezed them full and intend to divide into smaller portions before freezing - subject to them not going off in the fridge - so I'll have more than 12 smoothies). Mum suggested that as Galit and Jason are stopping over in town on their way to the carnival she'll let them pick berries and in preparation I might not be allowed to come on Friday to avoid the situation of me having left nothing for them! Mum helped carry stuff to the car and again upstairs to just outside my front door. I got home at 11.48am almost 3 hours after I left.
The digital TV people gave no excuse for the missed appointment, re-booking it 2 weeks forward. Following on from a conversation with the 'raw woman' at Friday's OA meeting I decided to try raw and cooked side-by-side - in large cube format you get similar-looking amounts with the cooked cubes a pleasure to eat the the raw ones a chore, wheras when shredded with the Chip Maker blade the raw squash is a joy to eat. Lots of produce meant lots of work. At 1.15pm had a break, taking some lettuce and runner beans for a walk having forgotten that Kelly was commuting to another store for most of this week though instead I caught up with her by phone so I still kept company on her lunch break but virtually - home 1.35pm.
Pleasure-based eating dominated. Online from 3.26pm - reasonably prioritised. Large parts of yesterday under an audio cloud including online, cycling, changing clothes in gym changing room and food prep. Audio first at 4.14pm (when online). By 4.35pm, 1,297 calories and 3,358 grams (39 kcal/100g).From 4.38pm refocus on unpacking and refrigerating all produce.
At 5.04pm headed out to the gym; Jam - Saffron persuaded Emma to join us, this was the last-but-one at this time slot, all new stuff which I generally find tricky; Combat - went back to tracks from older releases - except for tracks 5 and 7 which I was therefore able to Shadow, Yin tried Combat for the first time, I arranged to practice with Saffron tomorrow morning; Gave Shey a copy of my shadow feedback form. She suggested emailing back for specific feedback regarding the moves. Stopped for a chat with Yin, in fact spoke for around 90 minutes until 8.40pm covering a range of subjects (for example his recent interest in Christianity), he's always interesting to talk to. MP3 off on ride home. Home at 8.55pm. online session till 10pm; potato preparation from 10.19pm. Food 10.34pm-11.42pm: 703 calories and 499 grams (141 kcal/100g) - potato based. 10 batches evidently took over an hour to cube and cook. Bedtime just after midnight.
7.50 up, chipped apple, rasberry smoothie, 12 boxes 8.06 dress 8.12 shave 8.15 eat smoothie 8.19 call mum for lift 8.21 notes 8.25 review to-do list 8.29 door, lettuce 8.51 mum called = coming 8.57 left - pick raspberries + blackberries 11.48 back home, quick snack 11.50 digital TV rebook 5th 11.54 bring shopping indoors, undress 11.57 wash potatos 11.59 loo 12.01 apple rescue 12.06 hot choc 12.09 apple chips 12.12 radish 12.17 winter 12.22 freeze raspberry 250g portions 12.29 smoothie 12.34 winter raw 12.38 eat smoothie, lookup winter 12.47 boiled winter side-by-side 12.53 back to smoothie 12.55 cocoa raw winter squahs chips 13.08 dress 13.11 notes 1.15 out for walk, called Kelly 1.35 back, undress, apple chips 1.40 welsh onion 1.43 scoop winter, clear bed 1.50 notes 2.07 hot choc 2.10 chop small pot 2.19 cube winter 2.21 cube pot 2.39 eat, loo 2.47 entry 2.50 apple chip 2.55 entry 3.02 hot choc 3.04 entry 3.04 winter reheat + blackberry smoothie 3.22 eat, entry 3.26 online, sync clock 3.33 S-blade winter squash 3.36 challenge 3.46 backups, Phil 3.50 loo 3.55 inbox 3.59 upload 4.07 spam check - delete 1 suspect post 4.11 forum digest 4.14 audio=acol, email=McDougall 4.17 ediets 4.22 bigbook 4.24 houmous - for 98g chick peas, 50ml water not enough (still powdery) 100ml too much (too runny) 4.34 eat 4.36 loo 4.38 berries in fridge 4.42 teath 4.45 runner 4.49 leafy unpack, old chard rescue 4.54 refrigerate 5.00 rearrange pot - now everything refrigerated 5.04 out 8.55 back home, notes, getting comfortable. 9.05 draft email to body combat assessor 9.13 online,audio=acol 9.15 radio = Malty Collection, send email 9.19 CPH 9.31 32 blogs, radio on 9.59 loo, 0 blogs, audio off, entry 10.07 notes, grid 10.19 pot chop, audio:'Just a Minute' 10.38 select potatos 10.44 resume chopping 10.58 audio=fit cast 11.20 pause audio 11.29 entry 11.41 food stats 11.48 teath 11.51 notes, grid 0.00 book classes 0.03 lights off.
Up at 6.25am (1 interruption in over 6 hours). New combo for my morning smoothie - raspberries and raw summer squash (having been chopped it had stood in the fridge and needed using) this was OK, fewer calories than apple and I have far too much summer squash. Used up some chard, made apple chips to take with me, soaked 500g of yellow split peas to cook later (generally I'd rather cook 300-400g but the packet is 500g which makes it inconvenient to cook a different amount - at least in my mind).
At 7.13am head out to gym (MP3 off), finish my 'apple chips' which I took out in one of Marie's resealable bags (instead of a box) hiding away bag so Jo won't complain (though this time actually finished it well before I arrived at studio!). Louise was Duty Manager showing up for chat by computers; did combat with only a short break between tracks 1-5 and 6-10 thus finishing well before 9am; my CDR copy worked fine in the studio stereo; Saffron didn't think much of me adding cocoa and sweetner to a bunch of vegetables to change their natural taste; our chat will lead to her counting her calories for a day out of curiousity; at Pump Jo suggested I reduce my chest weight (currently 20kg) as she's observed a reduced Range Of Motion. Decided next calorie increase (to 2050) will be from today. The new time-table (which starts next Tuesday - the 1st) has 15-minute break after certain body-pump classes to discourage us from putting weights away mid-workout yet one member wondered whether those who've paid to have their kid stay in the creche for one hour will be able to stay behind to put their weights away (though to be fair they could retrieve child and put weight away with them hanging around in the studio). MP3 on for ride home. A brief stopover 10.53-11.04 to gather bank-related items, 11.04-11.27 walked over to Barclays bank, sampled Pistachio ice-cream on the way, queued for cashier to transfer money and obtain £1 and 50p coins (for use in meetings). At home started with veggies I've previously transformed into ready-to-eat state, then S-bladed runner beans and added falafel spice, added chocolate flavouring to the raw winter squash 'chips', and made a smoothie - identical to morning. Felt rather full before done eating the smoothie.
12.31pm cycled to Wolverton. MP3 player on playing a 'live' Collings and Herring podcast. Barely made out any words though but I'm not listening to it again! Didn't treat the ride as a workout. Plum picking 1.05-1.50pm. 1.53-3.10pm session with clinical psychologist - 2nd week of me not reading the self-esteem book, compounded by 5 days of avoidance related to not doing anything specific to the shadow video result (well to put this in context - I have read the report, got it printed, had a long chat to Angela about it and mentioned it to a few other people, and I've kept up my schedule 3 classes a week plus 2 hours of practice with Saffron, but I've so far spent 0 additional time watching myself on video, practicing moves in front of the mirror or re-reading the technique section of the instruction manual, all of which might be a Good Idea given that the first week of this 4-week window is almost over. Call it procrastination or avoidance. On the time grid a lot of time is spent eating - I use food for pleasure, I use it to pass the time and I'm protective of it. My time with the psychologist is limited - I can't say "let's have these sessions in a few months when I'll be more co-operative", it's a kind of "now or never" proposition. He asked me, given my ambivelance, 'why did I choose to go ahead with this treatment?' and wondered about the point of having the sessions. I reluctantly agreed to the terms of an experiment, starting tomorrow (Wednesday) and going on until at least the next session which will be Thursday September 3rd (as he's unable to make next Tuesday), I have to spend no less than 120 minutes per day (not counting breaks) spending at least 20 uninterrupted minutes at a time on the tasks we have identified me as avoiding (reading self-esteem book, reading combat manual, practicing in mirror etc.). How I chose to spend or waste my time otherwise is up to me but I have to find the time to do these things every day (except for today Tuesday and the day I travel to the Notting Hill carnival). I am also to keep filling in the weekly grid (this will be the 3rd week). 3.17-3.56pm picking more plums (in contrast to the 5 plums I ate, this time I was eating a higher proportion of those I picked - keeping a plum count to be converted into calories later on) - at 3.33 interruption - I shouted to make my presence known so an opportunistic thief would put down my bike which he was in the process of stealing. That story could have ended rather differently, with a confrontation or indeed a bus ride home. 3.56pm cycle homeward (MP3 on) but also swung by 'figure 8' and adjoining YMCA where I couldn't find the Pear tree saffron mentioned earlier in the day. Home by 4.36pm, diarised till 5.51pm.
The plums I picked in Wolverton came in at around 3.5kg (obviously not including the 735g-odd I ate whilst picking) and needed washing and refrigerating. Deciding to rescue some spinach stalks I absorbed them into a blackberry smoothie. Having dished myself lots of plums I was so full after finishing the smoothie I had no choice but to 'unserve' myself 296g of plums to avoid feeling even more uncomfrotable.
By 7.30pm, 1256 calories and 4,095 grams. Left at 7.38pm. MP3 off standing climbs both ways. The meeting started with an interesting powerful share (in fellowship for 2.5 years) health and weight issues (6st and starving themselves at their bottom). I didn't share but made scribbles: (bike thief made me think about my own honesty e.g. I still use the headphones I found in the gym changing room which I didn't hand in to lost and found; am still surprised by my confrontation of the thief without regard for possible dangers and in general my fear of confrontation was 'trumped' by something else; doing the experiment suggested by the psychologist will require me not to follow my own will but someone else's (the psychologist, or my higher power... and I'm not suggesting they're the same) yet step 3 is jumping the gun as on the time-wasting front I'm not currently experiencing the desperation required to work the steps - I'm not at step 1 - not feeling powerless I feel I'm happily coasting with no consequence! Chair talked about their early drinking days (as a yongster) often involving throwing up, I'm sitting here with an uncomfortably full tummy as a result of entitlement-based-eating (having eaten the last of the heavy foods I'm allowed for the day and after returning 300g of food I had no room for, have eaten around 1250 calories still need to eat 800 today); chair did not fully reach very high academic expectations and high performance predicted for them in their early teens; chair was in denial about amount drunk - just 2 (very very large) glasses - my potato-based denial had me climb up to over 9st and now I'm under 8st; at their bottom chair was 6st with medical problems, technically I was underweight for a day last Thursday, with difficulty am increasing calories (2050 from today) principally to avoid needing to sleep during the day and be weak for my workouts but it no doubt will also put distance between me and underweight). I was still feeling noticably over-full as I cycled homeward. Home 9.27pm.
9.34pm started cooking Yellow Split-Peas (which soaked enough water to weigh 907g), diarised. An online session from 10.21pm a bit stop-start because CPH website kept appearing and disappearing and I wasn't super-efficient working around this as I like to do things a certain order. 0.40am bedtime.
Food 9.39pm-midnight: 794 calories and 500 grams (159 kcal/100g), a slice of bread, 416g various legumes, 46g KP dry-roasted peanuts. I hoped that legumes would prove less time-consuming than potatos.
6.25 up (1 interrupt), raspberry/summer smoothie, 50.5kg 6.42 eat 6.47 dress, bleach 6.57 chard, apple 7.02 door 7.09 soak yellow split peas, teath 7.13 gym 10.53 back home, gather things I need for bank outing 11.04 out 11.08 pistachio ice-cream, Barclays queue coins 11.27 back home, pre-cut food 11.35 notes 11.50 summer, runner 12.00 winter-cocoa, make smoothie 12.15 eat smoothie 12.17 audio=venuto 12.26 felt full whilst finishing smoothie, loo, teath 12.31 MP3 on, cycle 1.05 MP3 off, started picking plums 1.50 continued on to psychology dept 1.53 arrived, loo, session 3.10 session over, loo 3.17 plums 3.33 bike thief, more plums 3.56 MP3 on, cycle home via YMCA & 'figure 8' 4.36 back home, loo, unpack, undress 4.42 sit in bed, notes 5.05 write-up 5.31 mum reminded about frozen broccoli 5.35 write-up 5.41 mum arrives - received tomatos, WD40 on door, eat broccoli 5.45 grid, entry 5.51 plum weight experiment 6.02 loo 6.04 entry, chard 6.17 grid 6.21 plums weigh(3.5kg) wash refrigerate 6.42 entry 6.50 spinach-stalk-and-blackbrries smoothie, plums 7.04 review to-dos 7.07 entry 7.11 load MP3 7.21 dress, too full 'unserve' plums, audio=venuto 7.31 loo, teeth 7.38 out (Heelands AA) 9.27 home, notes 9.30 clear bed 9.32 split-peas: drain, weigh, fresh water 9.34 on hob, undress, toast, scum 9.39 boiling (scum overflows) 9.42 notes 9.56 check on split-peas 9.57 simmer, taste 9.59 notes 10.04 entry, look at fridge, to do list 10.11 notes 10.17 taste split-peas, loo 10.21 online, radio 10.27 CPH forum isn't working 10.29 emails 10.34 digest 10.36 taste, heat off, drain 10.51 CPH is back - upload diary 11.01 arghh disappeared again 11.04 entry, grind 11.31 chick-peas 11.16 CPH spam checks 11.34 MSE 11.37 broad beans, KP 11.50 food stats - major protein overshoot (legumes) 11.59 teeth, loo, based on midnight weight (52.5kg) I'm predicting disturbed sleep (up to 2 litres to pee as kidneys make urine available) 0.04 MSE 0.17 book classe 0.21 email 0.25 40 blogs 0.39 down to 23, tired, lights out
Up at 7.21am (2 mid-sleep interruptions). Wasn't impressed with morning weight and sure enough aftermy 2nd toilet visit (almost an hour later) I was a kilo lighter (back down to yesterday's 50.5kg). For some reason the computer thought it was an hour earlier than it was, not sure what's that about, a bug in Windows XP or something wrong on my part? For breakfast had yellow split-pea 'soup' (i.e. the cooking water, reheated). My smoothies are now proving a great way of progressing through the greens I'm otherwise avoiding - this one is raw kale, also adding Whey powder late to contrast texture with and without. The Whey definitely adds taste and creaminess but even without it the raspberry (when processed) provides a certain smoothie quality not seen with other non-berry fruits, probably providing well over 50% of this unique texture I value. Mum's idea of squirting WD40 into the front door keyhole (executed yesterday) has given my key a new lease of life - only now do I realise I had an issue!
At 9.20am left for the gym (MP3 off, standing climb 'warm-up' in windy conditions, slightly late arrival after deciding to stop for a loo break). I started the workout with reasonable energy levels. After track 3 participant Sue pointed out mud was coming off my trainers, Jo said it was a safety issue and she wasn't happy, after track 4 I used some paper to scoop over 90% of remaining mud out of the trainer cavity though kept finding bits on floor that fell during tracks 1-4. After class Jo said she thought she was soft on me and should have thrown me out which I thought was harsh. I was sorry and it was regrettable that it happened but wasn't sure what I would have done differently as I felt I had been pragmatic, making the most of the situation (making sure no further mud fell from my shoes, gathering bits as and when I spotted them). Saw Kelly to arrange lunch (she suggested I use different shoes for future visits to the allotment - probably wise even though this mud is probably from yesterday's Wolverton trip); used Saffron's latest tip to locate tree and managed to pick 6 pears. Home 11.23am.
At 12.36pm started planning and preparing lunch, which consisted of a romaine-lettuce-and-raspberry-smoothie (using the opportunity to identify lettuce leaves to prioritise using), previously-cubed falafel-spiced raw winter squash, cocoa-flavouring for previously 'chipped' raw summer squash, and plums - simultaneously got dressed and at 1pm headed out with my 4-course meal, already tucking into course #1 (spotted by an AA person on route). Kelly found me eating my smoothie straight out of the food processor jug embarassing and asked me to eat something else and I certainly had plenty of other options. Kelly talked about what it is like to be in charge of recruiting for a one-day-a-week in this economic climate where at least 70 people have already applied for the position. I finished everything moments before I got back home at 1.35pm (so food was a one-hour commitment - and not including data entry).
3.24-4.05pm caught sis online and updated myself on her Notting Hill plans then researched travel arrangements for myself. On the plus side discovered that discounted return tickets to Euston (as opposed to TravelCards) are once more available - at least at the weekend. However for the proposed day of travel (this Sunday) trains have been replaced by bus services taking approx 2.5 hours meaning I'll have to be on a 7.55am train to have a shot at arriving at sister's favoured viewing spot around 11am, about 3.5 hours of travel each way. Have not made a final decision but the trip looks more inconvenient and less likely. I can delay a decision until Saturday afternoon.
By 6.45pm, 1,371 calories and 3,952 grams (35 kcal/100g). 6.47pm headed out to gym (slight hint of rain, MP3 off, standing climbs), Saffron is not available for practice tomorrow morning. Combat very well-attended. Angela said don't shadow use mirror focus on technique talk more on Saturday. Read self-esteem book for 11 minutes in sauna whilst waiting for Nina. (Did selfishly wonder whether I would have got more from the post-workout portion of the evening had I done the AA meeting instead of sauna.) Home by 9.20pm.
10.53pm-0.31am was a nap after first doing my best to catch-up on my time commitment as part of psychologist experiment (4.07-4.30 = 23, 5.58-6.15 = 17, 8.19-8.30 = 11, 9.29-9.54 = 25, 10.16-10.48 = 32, total 108 minutes). After the nap: online, eating, diarising. 4am bedtime.
Food 10.04pm-10.15pm and 1.11am-2.20am: 679 calories and 500 grams (136 kcal/100g). Fibre intake has recently been high - figures for the last 12 days (in grams): 84.31 95.93 90.66 96.97 84.33 102.89 116.55 92.57 94.43 103.53 103.45 (with today at over 100g, one of 4 highest intakes in my 2 years of computerised records). I wasn't deliberately eating anything to increase protein intake and despite generous consumption of low-protein fruit I still overshot my 60g target by quite a bit.
7.21 awake - 51.5kg (2 mid-sleep) 7.28 attempt call, text galit 7.32 rest 7.45 up, hot drink, fix computer clock 7.50 update challenge 8.06 loo, 50.5kg 8.13 cph 8.27 breakfast: split-pea 'soup', raspberry-kale smoothie 8.39 dress 8.45 eat smoothie 8.50 fridge meal planning, plums 8.57 door 9.00 backups 9.05 entry 9.10 phil 9.13 prunes lookup 9.20 gym - Step (mud), visit Kelly, pick pears 11.23 return, try pear 11.26 wash trainers 11.34 notes 11.38 post (register of electors - used automated telephone service) 11.45 catheters - preprepared a box, phoned an order 12.03 loo, shave 12.10 grid 12.22 narrative 12.36 plan lunch 1.00 leave - Kelly 1.35 back, hot drink, undress, loo 1.46 entry 1.53 notes 2.01 flip lid, rest 2.43 loo 2.46 plums 2.52 head down 3.21 look for feedback, loo 3.24pm online, caught sis asked about Notting Hill 3.34 travel-related research 4.05 email 4.07 re-read youtube feedback 4.09 watch track 1 4.20 watch track 2 4.25 re-read shadow comments 4.30 to do list, loo 4.37 fix snack - 4.51 eat 4.56 ebay 5.01 spam 5.23 IM sis 5.32 make blackberry-and-winter-squash smoothie 5.45 eat smoothie 5.53 cocoa-winter 5.58 tech 6.15 kelly texted called her back 6.22 lay down in dark 6.42 up 6.47 combat/sauna 9.20 back, settle in 9.25 notes 9.29 self-esteem 9.38 tech 9.54 sums, chip radish, make snack 10.05 eat, entry 10.13 toast 10.16 tech intro 10.31 self-esteem 10.48 loo, snack 10.53 dark, rest (nap) 0.31 up, online: emails 0.38 audio:radio 0.46 CPH spam watch 1.07 radio/food 1.15 57 blogs 2.04 pause audio, blogs/food 2.14 last food 2.20 fibre analysis 2.28 teeth 2.32 notes 2.39 traveline 2.48 notes 3.03 virgin 3.06 texts 3.17 groggs 3.29 texts 3.37 grid 3.56 loo 4.01 lights.
Phone call from mum got me up at 8.10am. Altogether sleep consisted of two separate naps with 0 interruptions to each one. My weight first-thing and indeed a bit later on was 50kg i.e. underweight again (am I only underweight on Thursdays? certainly the only 2 ocassions this has happened so far and not many to go given my ever-increasing calorie intake. In the hope of not having a last-minute scramble to meet my 2-hour deadline I tried to get it out of the way, managing an uninterrupted 40 minutes before 9am (started on page 106 of self-esteem book).
9am saw an extended session alternating focused effort on efficient use of the produce I've got with some indulgent food preparation. The Eat-To-Live or Fuhrman description for a smoothie incorporating green vegetables is a "green smoothie" (or a 'blended salad') and today's efforts incorporated older stalks of raw chard. Around 11am first noticed being quite reasonably full (having at that point eaten 1406 grams or 3lb of produce for the day) but such a trivial matter didn't derail me as it might a normal person.
Having 'resurrected' the chip-maker food processing blade a few days ago, today started also using 'slicer' blade which proved more effective with runner beans. Also tried using it on mini-potatos (always get some of those tiny ones from the allotment) where I was disappointed because the slices were of uneven width meaning uneven cooking though at least the precaution of stopping cooking to examine them after two thirds of cooking time meant at least they didn't stick to bottom of cooking dish.
New produce prepared for storage: rhubarb, potatos
Produce made more ready-to-eat (chopped with food processor): radish, winter squash, summer squash, pear, romaine lettuce, runner beans,
Produce given first-aid: old chard stalks, soft radishes, spinach too close to frozen back-of-fridge, potatos where mum had cut off (presumably a green portion), raspberries refrigerated from Monday's picking session.
It was looking very nice through the window. At 12.40pm walked out and around to the communal garden behind the flats, finishing a chard-blaberry smoothie and catching a bit of shy sun as it alternately came out and hid behind cloud cover. When out of smoothie went back home - unable to catch Rob by phone decided to meet him at the job centre where he was expected, unsure of what the afternoon would bring packed for the eventuality I'll go to the gym without first returning home. Found an old jewel case for my body combat CD. Met Rob and arranged to meet in the pub - I cycled (chatting to sis on the way) whilst he took the bus. Pub session started just before 2pm. My disappointingly quick consumption of a 'free' coffee (on exchange of a card with 5 'stamps') and presence of rather cheap beer on drinks menu (65p for half pint) led to a value-for-money experiment - how long will this naturally stretch out for (given that I'm not a keen beer drinker, not liking the taste!). The beer was Greene King's Pedigree Best, a weak beer (3.7% ABV) that's part of the Real Ale selection. Value is compared with a small coffee (£1) which I normally finish in under 5 minutes, it isn't as hot as the one I make at home where at least I have to wait until the water isn't boiling to avoid hurting myself. The first half-pint took just under an hour (2.37pm to 3.31pm) to drink and maybe I was hurrying myself, given that the next half-pint was already sitting on the table at that point. Rob pointed out the creature bugging us was a wasp and the larger one I related from my experiences on Monday morning at the allotment was likely a "bumble bee". Observing a girl fidgetting (pulsing her leg up and down) he suggested it might relate to sexual drive whilst I thought about NEAT (non-exercise activity) By 4pm, 901 calories and 2,877 grams (31 kcal/100g).
5.07pm left pub and headed to the gym. After setting up a step I spent 9 minutes practicing tracks 2 and 1b in front of the wide mirror (no cues, focues on technique) before setting up a bar for pump and filling my water bottle. Jason was a bit late, tracks 1-3 from current release followed by a mix. Felt relatively strong at Pump though following from Jo's recent ROM comments kept chest at 17.5kg and didn't overload biceps or deltoids either. Cover not yet confirmed for pump next week maybe I'll take the opportunity to try the new 7am class. At 7.02pm spotted Kelly who despite commuiting today managed to make the gym (called Nina who decided to stay home with kids). Blew off Punch class but decided to stick around to catch up with Kelly as won't see much of her over the next week or so. After a loo break weighed myself at 52.2kg evoking feelings rather different to the 50kg from this morning (clothed, fed and hydrated and no longer with the 'underweight' stigma!). Read the book for 11 minutes until Kelly emerged from spin. At 7.45pm we met again at the poolside where we chatted for a while - joined by Simon on our way to the changing rooms. Home by 8.58pm.
At home found assorted shopping (chick peas, tomatos) as well as gifts (mushrooms, bananas, pears) and some allotment apples. Called mum who confirmed how much I owe her. She has no use for the boxes so I can throw them. If I want to pick berries I am to call tomorrow after 7am. I found alternate shoes to wear in case I do and sorted and refrigerated produce. 15 minutes of reading. Stopped to look for a top I wore on Monday for raspberry picking - looked everywhere and it winds me up I can lose something in a bedsit this small. 9.52-11.20 an hour and a half lost to computer (diarising, food data entry and snacking). Read for 19 minutes (to end of chapter 5).
11.39pm-1.12am a nap; 30 minutes of reading (to page 127). Diarised for over an hour (a very time-expensive past-time, logically what I should be cutting out). Ate rest of calories. 3.47-5.25am online catch-up. 5.30am bedtime.
Food 10.56pm-11.15pm and 3.04am-3.40am: 1149 calories and 499 grams (230 kcal/100g). Highest fat (22.1% of calories) non-junk-food day since June 6th (a low-potassium day with sunflower seeds and pistachio nuts), 447 (21.8%) of today's calories from dry-roasted peanuts (and now almost completely out). "junk" drink (pint of beer) but still kept it under 10%.
I'd say my sleep patterns and indeed the pattern of the whole day would be rather different if it wasn't for this 'experiment' (8.17-8.57: 40 + 5.23-5.32: 9 + 7.21-7.32: 11 + 9.29-9:44: 15 + 11.20-11.39: 19 + 1.12-1.42: 30 = 124)
8.10 up 8.17 book 8.57 to page 113, official weigh-in 9.00 chard 9.18 started eating 9.24 radish 9.35 eat 9.38 spinach 9.40 mum gave 5 minute warning - I carried akward-shaped box of 240 cathetes while she did allotment rhubarb, potatos (and the odd apple) 9.54 mum leaves 9.58 got everthing indoors, ate 10.04 rhubarb 10.07 washed potatos 10.26 chop rescue potatos 10.39 raspberries 10.44 make chard-raspberry smoothie 1.52 unbox catheters 10.57 eat smoothie, ask for OA lift, felt full 11.10 considered throwing away cardboard boxes (that catheters come in - I have quite the collection!) 11.14 sort allotment potatos by size 11.20 use chip-maker to make ready-to-eat veggies: winter squash, summer squash, pear, romaine lettuce 11.39 made cocoa-pear dessert 11.43 runner beans (chip-maker and then slicer blade which was more effective) 11.58 slicer blade on mini potatos uneven 12.07 prepared cocoa-romaine 12.15 eat potatos and lettuce 12.20 prepare a chard-blueberry smoothie 12.27 mum called about half-price veggies at LIDL - I asked for tomatos. 12.29 divided remaining raspberries into portions 12.36 loo, pack, dress 12.40 to communal garden 12.53 smoothie finished 12.56 some sun 1.00 can't get Rob 1.05 walk home 1.09 at home return food processor jug, using alternate bag packed gym things including CD 1.15 cycle away 1.23 met Rob outside job centre 1.30 returned Galit's call (brief pause to arrange pub meet-up with Rob when he came out of job centre) cycled over to pub 1.45 first to arrive at pub, sat outside in sun 1.54 stopped chatting to sis and went indoors were Rob stationed himself 1.58 free coffee - finished in a few minutes 2.37 stated drinking half-pint 3.31 started on next half-pint. 4.35 finished 2nd drink 5.07 headed to gym 5.20 studio, 9 minute mirror practice, Jason a bit late, strong for pump 7.02 Kelly @ spin, skipped Punch, 52.2kg 7.21 read book 7.32 Kelly chat 7.45 Kelly poolside 8.46 left gym 8.58 got home, produce, no boxes, berry arrangements, alternative shoes 9.12 sorted and refrigerated produce 9.22 undress 9.25 worked out I'm up to 60 minutes on the "expierment" 9.29 read self-esteem book 9.44 fail to find green top 9.52 comp on, type up notes 10.43 lookup info for 'mild beer' 10.51 entry 11.00 snacking 11.15 comp off, loo 11.20 read to page 122 11.39 nap 1.12 start chapter 6 read to page 127 1.42 comp on, diarise 2.50 grid 2.59 make popcorn and toast 3.08 coffee-oat cookie dough 3.22 KP nuts - now essentially out 3.27 stats 3.44 teeth 3.47 online - backups 3.52 updated shadow report received - looks like they standard teaching points (from the document I located on the internet in June, actually) so not the individual critique of my moves that I was hoping for, oh well 3.57 upload diary 4.08 CPH+emails 4.34 35 blogs, audio=radio 5.15 audio off (5 blogs left) 5.25 0 blogs, lights off
Up at 7.55am, I guess just having 1.5+2.5=4 hours sleep will catch up with me though. 2nd day at underweight again prompting me to ask why I put myself through this (doing my best to obtain lowest possible morning weight which I can then beat myself up with). Started breakfast, got ready for the allotment and made contact with dad.
At 8.39am left - perfect timing to meet dad; at the allotment using matches and some thin paper I brought along somehow managed to light up the large pile of dried weeds despite windy conditions then picked a box of brumbles 9.29 moved on to raspberries, staying within confined territories rather than roaming around to ensure there will be completely untouched areas where Galit and Jason can pick productively without grumbling that I've taken them all. Shortly afterwards dad had to leave me all alone to pick up horse manour and even though that was a short errand I was then left by myself for the next couple of hours. In all filled 11 boxes of berries and walked away with a few other goodies too (beetroot, welsh onion, apples, pears). Home at 11.53 so over 3 hours. I enjoy the calmness of berry picking - in previous years I thought it was boring and had to have my MP3 on to make it bareable. There was no rush as I wasn't trying to make my 10.30am Step class and unless I do the evening Punch class today will be a relatively rare Rest Day.
The 129 calories from oatmeal in cookie-dough format that felt "not worth it" last night reminded me of a recent chat with mum who thought oatmeal (porridge in UK speak) was filling. I was unsure of the porridge to water proportions (later on found the packet and it looks like my 10:1 ratio was overkill, the packet recipe calls for 500ml of liquid for 100g of oats) and also microwave cooking time (it's 3+2 minutes on the packet but clearly it would be less for a smaller quantity but these things are not linear. It doesn't help that I'm not familiar enough with the cooked product to know if it is ready, undercooked or overcooked). I used 10g oats, 1g cocoa, 3 sweetners, covered with boiling water to 100ml mark and microwave for a minute. I did notice a remarkable change in the texture and I look forward to having it again.
Applied the chip-maker blade to one of my allotment beetroot (the 'chips' are rather fine), ate one half (70g) raw and the other half cooked (it reduced to 32g - did I overcook it as I do with potatos?). Raw is juicier and a 'better' use of raw material. The cooked is apparently fewer calories.
12.12pm-2.15pm: 2 hours of food-related actiity (included an 18 minute outing to check out the latest Holland and Barretts sale - just long enough to eat my smoothie - I paused at the ice-cream please to verify they do not do a 'cookie dough' flavour but resisted asking for sample of something else). 2.15-4pm: almost 2 hours of nap (brief interruption).
Hatched a plan to walk over to gym, practice Body Combat in mirror, attend OA (managed to secure a one-way lift) and from there AA. Made a smoothie (my last 'heavy food') to eat on said walk. Left home at 4.36pm. By 4.50pm, 1,078 calories and 3,014 grams (36 kcal/100g). Practiced tracks 1-4 in the studio, as I started track 5 the room was required for Creche-related activity. Disappointed then gym staff told me they no longer do calliper readings having deliberately not replaced the calliper when it went missing. Arrived at agreed meeting point for lift to OA and started reading self-esteem book instead.
Picked up at 6.18pm, tried explaining the psychologist's experiment though they were unsympathetic or unimpressed. Just before meeting started, 2nd person I asked agreed to give me lift back into town, 9 people including a newcomer, reading was Step 11 (prayer and meditation) I was 6th of 7 to share. Meeting scribbles (( Drinking beer because I don't like it - do I chose to eat foods I don't like in order to extend experience? maybe raw chard and spinach fit the bill but at least these are super-healthy; The 'experiment' analogous to Step 3 (well it's not MY will anyway) yet Steps 1,2 have been skipped or sidelined; getting and then keep doing good habits like keep 'achieving' (and keep abstaining) - luckily for me abstinence is No Matter What and a solid habit; everyone has 168 hours a week the difference is what they do with them; recent avoidance e.g. combat-related 3 weeks and self-esteem-related 2 weeks - avoid hard stuff just do Pleasure tasks no Achieve tasks; re:step11 how ability to spend time with myself in silence wildly varies e.g. audio in changing rooms on Sunday; grid-filling as a chore getting in my way; time-wasting perspective of creative cooking (someone talked about creative baking) and chosing to eat veggies Raw; underweight calories recent increase to 2050 planned increase 2100 loss of stone since January; muddy shoes - self esteem; gossip character defect and my diary; telling dad I eat no dairy )); After the meeting I helped tidy stuff away. My lift away was dropping another off after me; I mentioned I prioritise the AA meeting - echo that I should do whichever meetings I get most out of; At the AA meeting managed to get a drink and a seat, the reading related (once again) to the conception of god (of my understanding) with great shares and some silences in between which I didn't mind, having shared at OA didn't have burning desire to do it again. Had a post-meet chat and person cheekily said they'd pick me as a sponsor (despite knowing my level of recovery). Home by 9.32pm.
9.47pm-1.44am: 4 hour nap with one interruption.
Over the last 2 or maybe 3 days have experienced intermittent 'deafness' in my right ear. Decided this bothered me and used 3 cotton buds ('Q tips') retrieving some wax though I;m not sure if this helped. Diarised. Looking for an open packet of raw peanuts in the freezer I clumsily tipped entire drawer onto the carpet - 20 minutes to undo damage. Food 1.50am and 2.50-3.40am: 972 calories and 500 grams (194 kcal/100g) - legumes, banana, dates, toast, popcorn, peanuts, seeds. Late bedtime 4am.
7.55 woke up, stock status update, jack daniel wallet / quiz, make spinach-raspberry smoothie 8.08 loo, 50kg 8.15 eat smoothie 8.20 tell dad I'm awake, look for matches 8.22 found errant shirt (looking for empty plastic bags) it fell under some bags 8.27 dress 8.31 tell dad I'm ready, finish smoothie 8.39 allotment 11.53 home, wipe jacket, notes 12.12 dodgy apple rescue 12.30 chip vs sliced apple 12.35 runner-cocoa 12.42 freeze brumbles, chard-raspberry smoothie 1.04 out - Holland and Barretts 1.22 back, raspberries away, oatmeal 1.45 chipped beetroot 2.02 entry, apple-protein calcs, loo 2.15 comp off, rest (nap) 3.15 up, loo, apple 3.25 rest 4.00 awake 4.13 call to ask for OA lift 4.15 chip apple, make card-raspberry smoothie 4.30 get ready 4.36 leave on foot, eat smoothie on way 4.53 arrive at gym 4.56 practice tracks 1-4 in studio 2 5.24 creche kids take over studio, I go to gym area and weigh myself 52.5kg 5.29 callipers unavailable, left gym 5.36 xscape enterance, read self-esteem book 6.18 on page 134 as lift arrives 6.30 lift arranged, OA meeting 7.35 tidy, lift, AA meeting, post-meet-chat 9.32 back from AA meeting, clear bed 9.43 loo, lights off 11.47 wake up, loo, sunflower seeds, back to bed 1.44 wake up, snacks, loo 1.59 read combat technique 2.13 3 q-tips 2.19 type-up notes 2.46 entry, freezer drawer spillage 3.05 defrost redskin peanuts, snack 3.12 pop corn 3.20 entry, nuts and seeds 3.33 stats 3.45 teeth, loo 3.51 comp off, read 3.59 bedtime
