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Terabyte
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 18 November 2008 |
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| Posts: | 1628 |
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Posted: 28 February 2011 01:31 pm |
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Had a great morning! Got up, took a walk, did some pilates (youtube again), had a protein shake and almond bar (400 cals) for breakfast, meditated and read some Hunter S Thompson. I feel great! Pilates really makes me feel strong and flexible, I like doing them. Not to mention that it helps me wake up and feel energized in the morning. Now I am sitting here having put on my foundation and I have a good 40 minutes before I have to head out to work. I love having extra time in the morning, it feels really good! I am going to eat REALLY healthy today and see what kind of effect this has on my mood. I am going to have a nice big salad for lunch and some fruit for dinner. Of course I am sure this will also help my physiqe, bt I am very curious about how this will make me actually FEEL--energy wise and mood wise.
My new sweetheart texted me goodnight last night--he remembered the exact time I go to bed. It makes my heart smile whenever I hear from him. What a cornball I have turned into--I love it!
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Terabyte
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 18 November 2008 |
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| Posts: | 1628 |
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Posted: 2 March 2011 02:05 am |
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Holy moly, I have put on two pounds of muscle baby! WOO HOO! After just about 4 days of doing vigorous toning, I put on 2 pounds of muscle. This is great! I don't even do that long of toning--probably anywhere from 5 - 15 minutes a day every day, but I really make that time count, I do stuff that feels really hard. I have to say, I am SO THANKFUL for youtube and netflix--they have endless toning videos and it's all free FREE!!!!
Work today was also really wonderful, I had a patient thank me for all my hard work and then tell me he liked my eye make-up (ha! I still do the chola cat-eyes thing, people seem to dig it!)
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Terabyte
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 18 November 2008 |
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| Posts: | 1628 |
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Posted: 2 March 2011 02:35 am |
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Ha! New cool name for my new honey--Matana. It means gift in Hebrew!  
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greentea
Senior Member
| Joined: | 1 March 2008 |
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| Posts: | 90 |
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Posted: 2 March 2011 03:27 am |
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Hi there Terabyte
Such a wise woman you are!
have you read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle?
Sort of reinforces your thoughts on living in the now.
Just think about it, is there anything else but "now"? No! Living in the now intensifies your awareness of everything around you. It can be magical but takes dicipline.
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greentea
Senior Member
| Joined: | 1 March 2008 |
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| Posts: | 90 |
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Posted: 2 March 2011 03:31 am |
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| If you are interested Tolle portions of Tolles lectures can be viewed on YouTube...very interesting.
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Terabyte
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 18 November 2008 |
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| Posts: | 1628 |
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Posted: 2 March 2011 04:06 am |
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I have indeed read that book and really liked it. I also read a very cool book called "Make Every Man Want You" (ha!) and it was actually very similar to The Power of Now in that it constantly stressed being in the moment, embracing what is, whatever that is. The author was a chick, she called it "making isness your business" which I thought was cute. She said that those who do this are very attractive people in general, both in ways that are sexual/romantic, hence the title of the book, but also attractive in general, people feel drawn to people who are well integrated into their surroundings, whatever those may be. People who appear comfortable with themselves and with their situation are very magnetic, I definitely like being around them. I highly recommend that book even if you don't want every man to want you.
I would like to see what else Tolle has written if anything. And I would love to check out his lectures on youtube. In fact, I will do that right now!
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Terabyte
Distinguished Member
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| Posts: | 1628 |
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Posted: 2 March 2011 04:14 am |
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| The Now does have a feeling, pure bliss!
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Terabyte
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 18 November 2008 |
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| Posts: | 1628 |
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Posted: 2 March 2011 04:17 am |
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| Also, my private practice client texted me and informed me she had completed her assignment, she called the police to make that inquiry so I am really really proud of her. They sort of gave her the runaround wanting some info she didn't have but I am sure we can find it. She might need my help going through some documents but she did it! She would have never done that a year and a half ago. She is doing great! My heart is full of pride for her and how much she has grown. It's great! I think this must be how mothers feel about their kids and it's great because I didn't have to go throgh pregnancy or birth but I still get those great feelings.
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Terabyte
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 18 November 2008 |
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| Posts: | 1628 |
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Posted: 4 March 2011 04:12 am |
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I have had a deficit the last two days and am keeping up on my toning. Today is the 2nd day of my period, BLECH and I have been hopped up on Advil for the past 48 hours. God I hate menstruating. It is so painful for me. I bought some Dong Quai as Dr. Weil recommended it in one of his books so hopefully my next bleeding time will be smoother!
I've had a sore core for the past 2 days and that's great! I plan to do some more core toning tomorrow.
Things are going GREAT with Matana. He is taking a quiz right now for his dialysis class. Everything he does is so great. What a man!
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 30 December 2007 |
| Location: | Chicago, USA |
| Posts: | 7175 |
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Posted: 4 March 2011 10:43 pm |
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Sounds like everything is on a roll. I was thinking about your private practice client and how angry it makes me that anyone has to grow up in less than supportive environment...let alone an abusive one. What you do is so wonderful and makes a difference in people's lives.
I hope you have a good time with Mantana and friends this weekend. 
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Terabyte
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 18 November 2008 |
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| Posts: | 1628 |
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Posted: 7 March 2011 10:31 pm |
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Molly: Thank you! Incidentally, I was walking home with my laundry yesterday and I happened across my friend Terry and he was talking to this chick (he is always talking to some chick) and I stopped and said hi to them. Anyway, once the woman found out I was a social worker, she became very serious and told me that she was having some serious problems and thought maybe I could help her. At first she was embarrassed, as I don't think she was planning on telling all her business to a stranger (and to Terry and to my neighbor I was walking with, but that's how the conversation went). Anyway, bottom line is she was homeless and she had been doing some sex industry work to get by which was making her feel bad about herself (and obviously wasn't really getting her by or she wouldn't have been homeless). Her plan was to sleep in her car that night and she wasn't happy about it.
She already done quite a bit of legwork for herself and had actually found a women's shelter where she could stay that would also accommodate her dog so I just encouraged her to go and then I helped her tape her sideview mirror back on her car, as it had come loose from somebody vandalizing her car the previous night. I told her that of course it wasn't ideal but it was better, warmer, and safer than sleeping in the dang car. And i told her to go to PATH (which is the drop-in/case managent center for homeless people in the L.A. area) and work closely with a case manager to help her get a job.
She felt a lot better about going to the shelter, I think she just wanted someone to tell her it was OK, not to feel ashamed about it and just look at the situation from a utilitarian point of view. And I don't think there is anything wrong essentially with sex industry work--if a person is comfortable with it, I say more power to them, you can make some good money in that industry--but this woman was NOT comfortable with it and it made her feel bad doing it, so it obviously wasn't a good option for her.
I like how being a social worker makes people feel like they want to open up to you. I think that was the first time she had disclosed what was really going on with her. I don't know if it made Terry or my neighbor feel weird--it might have and that's understandable--but ultimately it doesn't matter. That's what was going on with her. People could like or not like or feel weirded out by it or not. I was really happy I was able to help her. And I didn't even really do anything besides give her permision to take advantage of her best options.
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Terabyte
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 18 November 2008 |
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| Posts: | 1628 |
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Posted: 7 March 2011 10:35 pm |
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As for my private practice client--she is doing VERY well now. AND she did her homework assignment, which makes me really happy. She didn't get very far with the police department, I will have to over there and scour through some court papers with her to find the info we want, but she DID make the call and try, which was exactly what she was supposed to do. Even a few months ago, she would have been too shy to call. She has really grown into herself.
I really do feel lucky and honored to be in the line of work that I am in. A few people have told me that social work isn't a job, it's a calling. I really feel like it is.
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 30 December 2007 |
| Location: | Chicago, USA |
| Posts: | 7175 |
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Posted: 8 March 2011 02:37 am |
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I love that story about how the woman opened up to you and how she just needed someone to understand, to make it "OK". I'm sure it made a difference. I hope she can get back on her feet. It must be difficult to know sometimes where to draw the line or to stop yourself from offering up more than you should (like "you can stay at my place tonight) etc. Probably you get training/guidance on how to maintain a professional distance and how to help people ("guide") them rather than just transfer their dependencies/needs onto yourself.
Anyway...it sounds like you have found your callling...I love reading your stories...
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Terabyte
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 18 November 2008 |
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| Posts: | 1628 |
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Posted: 9 March 2011 09:02 pm |
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There is no way I would have let that broad stay at my place, are you kidding? The thought maybe crossed my mind for a split second but that is totally preposterous. She seemed nice but god knows what she's capable of. Besides, my friend Terry was sitting there chatting her up, he could have easily offered to have her stay with him. And he appeared to be into her in a romantic sense whereas I certainly wasn't.
I am glad you like my stories though. I got a million of 'em!
I got tired of calling my new man Matana, so his new name is Hashemesh, which means sunshine because he certainly does light up my days and evenings with his sweet disposition. He is so sweet and adoring. I really lucked out with this one, seriously. Wow! AND he is officially my boyfriend. I think we had the discussion about it last Saturday, but I just count it from the day I saw the whites of his eyes because that is when I knew I was in love with him.
As far as my body goes, my weight really hasn't changed much at all in the last month, but my clothes are fitting better and I am looking more toned, which is great. My boyfriend's body is SUPER PETITE. He is like 5'5" and weighs 130 pounds. He is a surfer so he has like 3% body fat on him. To be honest, I don't really like weighing more than him but it is what it is, I certainly wouldn't want him to think he was too small (I do like petite men!) and I highly doubt I could get below 130. At my best shape ever I weighed about 135, so I think I will probably just weigh more than him and I need to work on accepting that. My Mom thinks that's such a silly thing to be concerned about, but it does make me feel a little weird. Do any women on here weigh more than their husbands/boyfriends? If so, do you have any feelings about it or you just don't care?
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Terabyte
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 March 2011 02:34 am |
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Whew! Scale this morning said 156.8 pounds, I didn't check body fat. Body doesn't seem to have changed much except I am really really sore from all my...ahem...activity with the new boyfriend this weekend. And I don't mean sore in my female area, I mean my whole body is sore, like after a workout or water-skiing or dirt biking or something, ha! So I guess I worked in some ways I am not used to working. No complaints though, it's great! I do like being sore, it makes me feel like I really pushed myself.
Also successfully fasted today for about 17 hours. I would like to try for a similar fast tomorrow. Also did some meditation for 5 minutes; I had gotten out of the meditation thing for a while so I was happy to start again. I always feel so good when I do it, I need to remember to just set aside a bit of time every day.
I had a 3-day weekend as I took today off for myself. I didn't plan it this way, but my boyfriend ended up staying over for all 3 days. He was great--he cooked, he cleaned, he bought toilet paper, he rubbed my feet. He is great! Now I am one of those disgustingwomen who gush on and on about their men. Is there anything more annoying? NO!!!!
Anyway, after what felt like a honeymoon I am going back to the salt mines tomorrow. But I actually like the salt mines. I am very happy with my job and my comrades there.
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Terabyte
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Posted: 21 March 2011 06:48 pm |
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After another great weekend with my boyfriend, I definitely ate too much! Yeesh! With my Hawaiian trip coming up in exactly two months, I decided this morning that I really wanted to concentrate on making healthy food choices and moving my carcass so I can get toned and release my fat! My weight this morning was 158.62, which is not surprising since I ate way too much all through the weekend. My boyfriend, the lucky bastard, is a tiny thing--his body looks like it was cut from stone, he probably has 3% body fat, if that and he can eat anything and not put on weight. Me on the other hand, I am still WAY more flabby and jiggly than I want to be. I am definitely grateful that my boyfriend seems to like my body as it is, and I can say that I don't HATE my body as it is, but I definitely want to improve it. So, this morning, I was focusing on eating healthy today and being physically active.
I also did a morning meditation, not a very long one, but I closed my eyes and just focused on my breathing for about 75 seconds. Tonight I plan to do meditation for a bit longer, probably around 5 minutes and get back into that habit.
For breakfast today, and I was VERY proud of myself I must say, I had some cottage cheese with fresh cut pineapple and a TLC flax seed granola. Then about an hour later, I still felt hungry, so I had some pretzel thins.
As far as exercise today, I have been pretty good, I have done some toning/stretching for about 19 minutes and I have walked a little over 1.25 miles. Not too bad by noontime!
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Terabyte
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Posted: 21 March 2011 09:14 pm |
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Ok, well here is the update:
I had a delicious lunch today that was also fairly healthy, if not perfect. Lasagna, salad, and garlic bread. Portions were reasonable.
Total calories for the day is about 1400. I plan to skip supper tonight since my lunch was so large, but also I am getting a massage after work today and it's best to do those on an empty stomach. That will probably be over around 8:00pm and I definitely don't want to eat that late at night, planning to be in bed asleep by 11:00pm.
Exercise update is that I have now walked just under 2.25 miles and I have done 23 minutes of toning/stretching. Not too shabby!
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Terabyte
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Posted: 21 March 2011 11:03 pm |
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I MUST confess I did eat a Pay Day candy bar. Not perhaps the best choice in the world but not the worst either. By my calculations, I still should have a good about 600 calorie deficit even with that little treat.
Also, I have now done about 26 minutes of stretching/toning and I have walked 2.75 miles. Again, not too shabby!
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Terabyte
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Posted: 22 March 2011 04:50 pm |
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Last night after I got home my massage and pedicure (I got my toes in black, boyfriend picked that color!) I was hungry so I ate a few smoked almonds and 2 fresh strawberries (probably about 100 calories total).
For exercise yesterday, I did toning/stretching for about 24 minutes and I walked a little over 3.5 miles.
For meditation, I did 1 minute in the morning and 4 minutes in the evening.
I had about a 600 calorie deficit or so. This morning, the scale rewarded me with a reading of 71.2 kg, which translates to 156.6 pounds. Hooray!
Today for breakfast I had a delicious sandwich (toasted sourdough bread, egg, cheese, tomato, bacon, onion) with a side of tater tots, probably about 750 calories there.
For exercise, so far I have done 6 minutes of toning/stretching and I have walked a little over a half mile. Not too much, but the day is young!
I did do another 1 minute meditation this morning before heading out the door for work.
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Terabyte
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Posted: 23 March 2011 04:38 pm |
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This morning I was not extremely pleased with the scale readout: Even though I did have about a 250 calorie deficit yesterday, I somehow managed to put on some mass, meaning that this morning I weighed 71.9kg or 158.2 pounds. Shoot!
Oh well it is what it is, I just have to make some good choices today and I know the scale will reward me tomorrow. One of the things I want to focus on today is only eating when I am actually physically hungry. As many of you may recall, I did do this before and found it to be very nice. Not only did it help me progress toward my physique goals, but it also made me feel more in touch with my body.
So as I sit at my desk tpying this this morning I have yet to have eaten anything, as I have not yet felt any physical hunger.
As for exercise, I did some balancing work on my ball this morning--I have gotten better at totally balancing on that ball without any part of me touching the ground. That is good for my core muscles and again it's one of those things that makes me feel in tune with my body. I also did about 5 minutes of stretching/toning so far.
At the risk of being annoying too (as George Costanza said, is there anything more disgusting than a happy couple!) I have to say that I am SO happy and thankful for my wonderful boyfriend. He is such a loving, sweet guy. My friend Elaine, who is in her 70s, has been married to her husband Jerry for over 50 years and he STILL is completely enamored of her and worships the ground she walks on. He brings her donuts in the morning every morning and brings her lunch at work every day. He calls her his "trophy wife", that he is so proud to walk around with her, as he finds her so beautiful and gorgeous, even at 73 years old. (She just celebrated her 73rd birthday last week). I have to say that my boyfriend has Jerry's type of personality and it's been a while since I dated someone like that--someone very romantic and endearing and doting. I have had a few men like that in my time, but not in a while and I really REALLY appreciate that my boyfriend now has those traits. It is really great! No complications, no stress, he just fits totally seamlessly into my life and is wonderful to me. I love him so much and am so grateful for him.
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Terabyte
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| Posts: | 1628 |
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Posted: 25 March 2011 02:10 am |
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| The scale this morning said 71.4 kg or 157.1 pounds. I was pleased with this and I had another pretty good day as far as my food and exercise goals. I did about 9 minutes of toning and stretching as well as walking 4.5 miles. For food, I only ate when I was hungry except for one piece of See's candy this evening when I got home. I will finish the day with about a 550 calorie deficit which is pretty cool :)
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Terabyte
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Posted: 1 April 2011 11:30 pm |
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Haven't weighed in a while but I had a patient tell me that I'd lost weight (last time he was in was a month ago). so that was cool! And I am a size small lab coat! (We just got fitted yesterday!)
My boyfriend is really active which is great for me because it makes me be more active too. We went a hike this past weekend and climbed a tree. I haven't climbed a tree in FOREVER! It felt really good. Luckily for me, I am a mesomorph--if I put in some decent effort to tone up, I do so fairly quickly. (On the other hand, if I am lazy/inactive or overeat, i will flab up pretty quickly too. So, I guess it's a double edged sword). However, I am positive that with a bit of elbow grease, I can have a decent body by my Hawaii trip at the end of May and a really fantastic amazing body by my birthday in September. Also lucky for me, my boyfriend is a good cook and a fairly healthy eater--not a health nut by any stretch of the imagination, but he is not into fast food or processed food, which is great! This weekend we are going dirt bike riding. I have never been before, I am looking forward to it!
Work is going GREAT too. I can't say it enough--I love my job. Gotta run! time's up, I'm out like Fred Flinstone when the horn goes off--yaba daba doo!
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Terabyte
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 18 November 2008 |
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| Posts: | 1628 |
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Posted: 5 April 2011 05:02 am |
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I successfully completed a full day of fasting--from 2am on Sunday morning until 12:15pm on Monday afternoon. I was very proud of myself! Scale said 70.9kg (or about 156 lbs) this morning.
Got in a lot of good exercise today--total of about 78 minutes of walking, stairs, stretching and toning.
Also did my meditation. Very pleased here.
Ordered a new dress as I am going to my boyfriend's family's Seder. http://www.dillards.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=301&langId=-1&storeId=301&productId=502627923&splashlink=header_search&IN_DYM=true&Ntt=robbie+bee&Ntk=all&N=1000410&Nty=1&searchUrl=%2Fendeca%2FEndecaStartServlet%3Fsplashlink%3Dheader_search%26IN_DYM%3Dtrue%26Ntt%3Drobbie%2Bbee%26Ntk%3Dall%26N%3D1000410%26Nty%3D1&R=03524007
I like Robbie Bee's dresses. They fit my very nicely, cut well, very flattering. A bit pricey, but his stuff holds up well in the wash without doing anything special. Designs are very pretty, feminine. And I thought this was a good springtime dress.
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Terabyte
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| Posts: | 1628 |
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Posted: 4 May 2011 10:04 am |
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Doh! I made a long post and it got deleted, so let me sum up:
I am really super happy with my job--new part-time contract making good $$$ so I have more free time. Private practice slowly growing too.
Vacation to Oahu with my wonderful, dazzling boyfriend coming up. Can't wait!!! I have never been on a romantic vacation with a beloved before and neither has he so this is a fantastic first for both of us.
My car got stolen after 12 years of faithful service, so I now own a Honda Insight. She's great! I like her a lot.
My body is looking nice and tanned and leaner than it's been in a long time. I have dropped about 7 pounds in the last week, down to 151 and counting!
Really, really, really happy!
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BostonBlazer
New Member
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Posted: 4 May 2011 06:26 pm |
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Terabyte wrote: Doh! I made a long post and it got deleted, so let me sum up:
I am really super happy with my job--new part-time contract making good $$$ so I have more free time. Private practice slowly growing too.
Vacation to Oahu with my wonderful, dazzling boyfriend coming up. Can't wait!!! I have never been on a romantic vacation with a beloved before and neither has he so this is a fantastic first for both of us.
My car got stolen after 12 years of faithful service, so I now own a Honda Insight. She's great! I like her a lot.
My body is looking nice and tanned and leaner than it's been in a long time. I have dropped about 7 pounds in the last week, down to 151 and counting!
Really, really, really happy!
That's awesome! Congratulations getting a part-time job! I'm still stuck with my part-time job. I hate it. Thankfully, I recently got approved for Social Security.
I'm sorry to hear about your car getting stolen. At least you have a new car. Hopefully, the new Honda you have will last long and not get stolen.
It's great that you're losing weight. As long as the pounds go away, you'll be doing good.
I hope you and your boyfriend enjoy your vacation. That should be a good time. :)
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Terabyte
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Posted: 5 May 2011 08:30 am |
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My Mom will start receiving her SS in October and she is happy. She can't wait to stop working.
Geez--what a night in the ER tonight. I felt (and still feel) really bad for this one poor bastard who came in. He is a younger guy--30--and he has a history with alcoholism, was sober for a while then started drinking again the past few weeks. Anyway, he was drinking a LOT and ended up fainting and passing out cold in public, so they brought him to the ER. Once he sobered up, he asked to see a social worker and told me that he really wanted to change his ways and was hoping to get into a rehab/detox facility from the ER.
He had no money and no insurance, so I knew the likelihood of him getting in a detox/rehab was slim. Most places require payment and the few facilities with open free County beds usually have a long waiting list, because everyone wants in there.
I tried my luck and no place would take him. I gave him the news and gave him the contact info for about 10 different facilities that he could follow up with on his own.
Then he said he didn't want to go back home because all his room-mates were big time drinkers and drinking and partying right now so he knew if he went back there, he'd get drunk and he didn't want to do that again. He said he had nowhere else to go, no other friends or family around and no money for a motel or anything. So, he opted for me to find him a shelter. Mind you, shelters are generally total crapholes. No offense to the people who run them, but they are usually in horrible parts of town and they are dilapidated and a lot of crime and assault and theft goes on in them. Now some people like them, but most people hate them and would rather go anywhere else. This guy had some serious balls to opt for a shelter instead of just going home just to avoid drinking. That was a determined man! I don't know ANYONE who would opt for a shelter over home for the sole purpose of avoiding the temptation to drink.
It was around 7:30pm or so when I finally found him one, not on skid row but definitely not in a great area, and our hospital nicely paid for a taxi to get him there. I call the shelter, get a contact, give him a hand-written letter from me to give to the shelter as they requested, and send him on his way. About 1.5 hours later, he calls and tells me the shelter won't let him in. I can't contact the shelter, they don't pick up their phone. I can't do anything for the guy. The taxi won't take him anywhere without further payment. The dude was calling me, the taxi driver was calling me, the hospital operator was calling me all at the same time asking what happened and can I fix it? The answer, unfortunately is no. I can't do anything.
Nothing.
IThe shelter has given him the royal screwjob. Now he is stuck with no money and nowhere to go. He was trying to take a step in the right direction and sober up and he got smacked down. I had to tell him that I was so sorry and it was awful what had happened to him but at that point I could do nothing.
And you know what--the guy did not get mad, did not lose his temper, did not even raise his voice. He acted calmer than ME even and it was him it was happening to!
I have thought about this dude all night. I even thought about driving down there and picking him up but I decided against that because I didn't really know the guy and that wasn't a safe idea. And then, where would I bring him? Not home with me!
Sometimes things are just sh.itty, what can I say? But the guy really was a stand-up guy and I admired how he kept his cool even though it doesn't get much worse than being stranded at night with no money and no phone. Well no, at least it was a nice night, a pleasant temperature, not freezing or raining or anything. But still, that's a pretty sh.itty night for him, I think everyone would agree. As I drove home in my new car to my warm apartment, I really reflected on how fortunate I am to have the things I have, that I would never have to worry about being totally screwed, stranded with no one to turn to. My heart goes out to the guy though. I hope he can find his way to somewhere decent to spend the night tonight.... somehow.
Last edited on 5 May 2011 08:36 am by Terabyte
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Terabyte
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Posted: 6 May 2011 06:52 am |
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Another great day! #%@&!! That reminds me, I need to go meditate. I'll be back!
****
That felt REALLY good. Every time my mind wandered, I just brought it back to my breathing. Very nice.
Good day in the ER. I really like working in the ER. I like my comrades in there a lot. And I mean a LOT a lot. I've never seen combat, but I think because we are dealing with life and death, a cameraderie gets built up that I would imagine is similar to have soldiers in the same platoon feel about each other.
Weight was 152 today, which is a pound up from a few days ago, but in general I am looking leaner and toned and tanned and that suits me fine. I am very happy with the progress I have made. Some patient who was a complete straner stopped me in the hall today and told me I was "gorgeous," so it seems others are happy with the progress I have made. I have a 3-day weekend coming up and I will be spending Friday night having some nice alone time with my boyfriend and then Saturday we are going dirt biking out in Bakersfield. I have never been and I am excited to try it out!
Sunday of course is mother's day, so I will be seeing my Mom and Grandma. And of course, mother's day also reminds me of my late birthmother. I think of her with a sad sort of fondness. May she rest in peace and happiness.
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Hiker
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Posted: 6 May 2011 10:35 am |
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Hey Terebyte, I was just reading some of your diary and wanted to say you sound like a very caring person, you really went over and above for that man who needed your help. Also you so did the right thing in not going to pick him up, there is being a good person and then there is using common sense. You did both . I never thought I would be one who would be into meditation but I have been listening to a soothing cd before I go to sleep at night and I really like it and and now consdiering doing some meditaiton. It does make you feel good.
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Terabyte
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Posted: 6 May 2011 05:54 pm |
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Hiker:
Yeah, meditation is so great, but it CAN be a bit like working out for me, hard to make myself do it, but once I start, so enjoyable!
I never heard back from that stranded guy, hopefully he figured something out. I am sure he did. If anything, he just had to take a really long (REALLY long) walk back home. About 15 miles, which can be done. I walked 8 miles once in an afternoon, so that's just about double that.
I have the day off today, which is great. I plan to get a pedicure from my friend Erin. I like to keep my toes looking nice and they are overdue!! The boyfriend is supposed to come over after clinic today (he is training to be a dialysis tech).
Here is what he looks like:
Attached Image (viewed 192 times):
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Terabyte
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Posted: 12 May 2011 04:13 am |
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I woke up today and headed off to work at the happy weight of just under 155#, with just under 33% body fat. I am pleased with how I have changed my eating habits these past few weeks. In general, I eat about 1600 calories a day and make sure I get at least 20 minutes of exercise, include resistance training daily. Luckily, Daniel (my boyfriend) is a very healthy eater and he likes to cook, so that makes things easy. I usually spend about 2 - 3 days a week with him staying at my flat, so it works out nicely.
I am pretty sure I could be in the 140s by the time I get to Oahu, but really I am not so attached to numbers so much. I know that if I keep on with good habits, the numbers will get where they need to be in due time. I feel much better about the way I have been treating my body as far as eating and exercise than I did say, 6 months ago, when I weighed probably only about 3ish pounds more, but did not have good habits down. For the most part, I have avoided bingeing, which is GREAT, and I have been very faithful about being physically active. My clothes all fit better, I have more energy and more of a feeling of positivity, which is really what it's all about. I have to say, it also really helps to have a gorgeous boyfriend who looks at me with eyes that find me beautiful wherever I am on the scale. He has seen me fluctuate about 8 pounds or so since he's known me and he's always just said the same thing, that he finds me very sexy and lovely.
I started my brand-new, wonderful part-time schedule this week. I only work 25 hours per week now, which means less $ of course, but more free time. It is a fantastic feeling to be home by 2:00pm and have my entire afternoon free to do whatever I want. I also decided I am going to start taking my showers in the evening after work, that way I will save time in the morning, and also get to be mellow and leisurely about my beauty routine instead of feeling hurried in the morning when I need to get my butt out the door for work.
It's going to be somewhat of a challenge financially learning to adjust to the paycut I gave myself, but I am doing well so far. I learned to live VERY frugally when I was on unemployment (about $1,500 a month). Now I earn about $3,200 a month, which is double what I made on unemployment, but it's definitely less than the $5,000 a month I was making before!
I am looking forward to selling my old car that got stolen and recovered. I would love to get $3K for the old girl. We'll see what I can get!
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Terabyte
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Posted: 12 May 2011 01:47 pm |
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| This morning, I weighed in at 154 pounds. Working 8am - 1pm today and I plan to stop by the Goodwill and drop off some clothes. I did a little small workout this morning, a little warm up just to get the cerebrospinal fluid going and heat myself a bit. Only about 4 minutes, combo of walking, stretching, weights, calisthenics and tai chi. Good stuff! I wake up naturally at about 6:15am, thanks to the early rising sun.
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Terabyte
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Posted: 30 May 2011 05:49 am |
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I went to Oahu with my boyfriend and I had actually gotten down to 150 pounds before I left but I enjoyed so much food and drink and laying around on the beach that I seriously gained 8 pounds in the week I was gone. Now I've got to pay the price and work to get rid of it! C'est la vie, I know a lot of folks gain on vacations, and I a definitely one of them!
I got back in yesterday and I did a good session of strength training and stretching, probably about 20 minutes total. I did lower body work and abs. My legs are super sore today.
Today, I did a good hour of cardio and went to Trader Joe's and bought a bunch of healthy food. I ate about 1800 calories today and the food I ate was comprised of non-fat Greek yogurt, graham crackers, an apple, cottage cheese, California roll sushi and whole grain bread. Tomorrow I am meeting my boyfriend to go to the beach and try surfing for the first time. I am excited about it--I tried dirt biking with him and I really liked it! I have never really been a sporty person in my adolescence or adult life, but when I was a little girl, my family was really into water skiing and I was really good at it. I did it a lot with my family from 3 - 11 years old. My boyfriend is super into sporty activities and he's really active. It is great to try all these new things, it's like a whole new world opening up to me like a beautiful flower. 
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Terabyte
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Posted: 30 May 2011 05:51 am |
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Perach is flower in Hebrew btw.
Also, i have been doing a good meditation schedule for the past 2 days. Which reminds me, I need to pop off and do my thankfulness meditation right now!
(-*-)
that is my little meditating icon!
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Terabyte
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Posted: 31 May 2011 05:26 am |
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I ended up not going out surfing today as the beaches were crammed with folks trying to get in beach time on Memorial Day. I did, however, purchase some mighty fine surfing gear so that I am well prepared. I got an Oneill full wet suit and some booties. I am very sensitive to cold, so I wanted to make sure I was totally covered, plus the booties will protect my feet from rock and coral. I tested the wet suit in the pool and made adjustments at the neck where water was seeping in.
I got to spend some time with my boyfriend's family, I even helped out with some yardwork. His famiy is really cool, especially his father. He is a really funny guy.
I watched the movie Endless Summer II, which Daniel said is what got him into surfing when he was 11. He said that he watched it originally because he thought the idea of an endless summer sounded cool, because, like every 11-year-old, he definitely preferred summer vacation over school! The movie is a documentary about these dudes that go all around the world surfing and while there is of course a heavily predominany surfing theme to the movie, the gentlemen in the documentary just really love life, love new experiences and love challenging themselves. I would say that the documentary was inspiring, made you feel excited and happy about being a human and being alive with a whole world out there at your disposal to experience. I was glad he showed me the film.
He made me a super cool dinner of ribeye steak and asparagus. He is a great griller and the steak AND asparagus came out really tasty and pretty healthy--basically just meat and vegetable. Ribeye does have a lot of fat, but I cut it out and gave it all to him. Luckily I am not that into fat anyway--I know some people like to eat the fatty part of a steak, but I don't. I just don't like the way it feels. I don't like sashimi either, for that same reason, the texture is just gross in my mouth, blech!
I ate very well the rest of the day too--having a Trader Joe's cranberry pecan salad for breakfast, a pear and half a peanut butter sandwich for lunch, and the steak and asparagus for dinner. I also had two shots of tequila before dinner with Daniel and his father.
I weighed 157.08 pounds this morning which is a pound drop from yesterday. I still have 7 pounds to work off to get back to my pre-Oahu weight!
My exercise has been fantastic, 41 minute workout this morning with resistance training and yoga. I will be doing cardio tomorrow.
Meditation has also been right on track, third day in a row now I have done my silent and my thankfulness meditation. Both meditations only take 10 minutes but wow, what a benefit they give my mind!
I can't believe how good I feel just from eating well and exercising these past 3 days. I have a lot of energy and feel filled with positivity. It's awesome!
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zenobia
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Posted: 31 May 2011 06:36 am |
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Terabyte- i just have to say that i completely love your zest for life, not to mention your boundless positivity  i've always found inspiration in you. in my next life, i hope to be more like that. thanks for continuing to post- you tend to put me in a better mood!
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Terabyte
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Posted: 31 May 2011 12:54 pm |
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Zen: Thank you so much! That really made my day! What a nice thing to read first thing in the morning! Great way to start the day, GREAT way!
I am also REALLY stoked to report that the scale said I weighed 152.46 pounds this morning with 32.1% body fat! That is a 4.62 pound loss. In one day!!! That is freaking unheard of--and I ate a lot yesterday, probably about 2200 calories! I must have been retaining a lot of water, probably period-related. I can't believe it, I am ecstatic! I have no idea if that's some sort of fluke or not, because 4.62 pounds in a day is pretty weird, but hey, I'll take it for the day! Now i just have basically 2.5 pounds to lose to get to my pre-Oahu weight.
I just pounded a big glass of green tea and I am about to go to my cardio. Like a total dork, I left my laundry over at my boyfriend's house, so I have to go after work today to pick it up because I don't have any clean chonies left! 
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suenos
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 31 May 2011 08:57 pm |
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| Sounds like this is a great time in your life and it's all coming together for you - good for you! I remember when you were chronicling your random trials in the dating department - "really short dude" "really creepy dude" "really aspie dude" - so happy for you that you ended up with "really wonderful dude"
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Terabyte
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Posted: 1 June 2011 03:39 am |
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Ha! YES! I had two aspie dudes. Jesus Christ! Sheesh! I had forgotten about those guys. Those were some funny little fiascos I had in the dating scene. Sometimes that's just how it is though! But yes, I did end up with an absolutely wonderful man and he is the BEST!
Today went very well, lots of good #%@&! happening, but while I am thinking about it, before I post, I needs to go meditate!
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Terabyte
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Posted: 1 June 2011 04:26 am |
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Okay, that felt good. I increased my silent meditation time by 1 minute so now I am up to 6 minutes.
Exercise today was great, I got up at about 5:45am and did my cardio, as I think I mentioned, plus I did a good amount of jetting around at work and doing errands so I actually got in an additional 2.5 miles of walking on top of the cardio.
Work went really well. The emergency room was pretty quiet as far as things I needed to do. A lot of people who didn't have insurance, so I met with them and provided them with resources for where they could get free medical care if they needed it. (It isn't free at my hospita if you are uninsured, you will get a big bill).
I also finally got paid through the Victim Compensaiton Program for my private practice client that I have been seeing for 13 months now. A nice big fat $1,350 check that I got to deposit today! That felt great! And I was so proud because I started that business all by my lonesome as a result of getting laid off. That really was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I started my own private practice AND I got back into medical social work which I love and which pays WAAAY better than freaking nonprofit foster care work. The way the money's coming in, it's almost criminal!
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Terabyte
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Posted: 1 June 2011 04:36 am |
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Sh.it, I didn't get to finish that post because I used that smiley icon and for some reason it messed up the post. But anyway--OH I also was able to talk to a young woman in Post Partum that had just given birth (duh) and provide her with education about postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis. I got a referral to see her because it said she had a history of depression, which could mean anything from 15 years ago to last week. She stated she currently felt fine and she looked happy and content. Her husband was there along with her brand new baby. Her husband also listened attentively while I was talking about the post partum disorders. I emphasized to definitely reach out for help if she started feeling any of the symptos--that a lot of women start to have those feelings and don't want to tell anyone because they feel ashamed or guilty or like they will be looked down upon. I normalized it and said it can happen to any woman after birth, even if she's never had any mental health problems ever before or hasn't had any mental health probles in a long time. For those of you that keep up with my diary, you will recall that there was a dead baby that was brought into the ER wherein the mother had purposely killed him by smothering him. He was about a month old. His name was David. That was the worst thing I have ever been witness to in my life and I think it's so important that women who start having those negative feelings after birth reach out for help because if they don't, they could wind up doing the unthinkable like that woman did. So, it meant a lot to me to be able to talk to that woman today.
After work I went to go pick up the laundry that I had absent-mindedly left at my boyfriend's house and I went up Pacific Coast Highway and through Topanga Canyon, which was a beautiful drive. I had the same hypnotic trancey song on repeat through the whole drive and it just felt really groovy, really good. For those of you who have ever tried Ecstacy, it felt like that! For those of you who haven't tried it, it felt really really good, but if you haven't tried Ecstacy, you shouldn't, because drugs are bad, mmmkay? 
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Terabyte
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Posted: 1 June 2011 04:40 am |
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I also ate very well today, very healthy with a little indulgence thrown in there to round it out! I had a protein shake, some pop chips, junior mints, some strawberries, an almond bar, some cottage cheese, a granola bar and a lentil wrap for a total of about 1600 calories.
I made plans to go visit my friend Deb from one of the hospitals I worked at before. She's another social worker in the emergency room there. I really like her.
I also made plans to go to this outdoor camping party event with my friend Chris Lopez before he moves away to Colorado on June 12. The party is this weekend.
Oh yeah and I almost forgot--I got a new private practice client today! I start weekly sessions with her on June 11th. Really really happy about that. AND I only have to work a half day tomorrow. How sweet it is!
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Terabyte
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Posted: 1 June 2011 01:53 pm |
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Morning workout was good! I woke up at about 5:45am (naturally, no alarm, besides the sunlight), and I did a 33-minute session of strength training and yoga. I also drank a big cup of green jasmine tea and had a nice, big bowel movement before the workout. Ha! I feel another one brewing already, so I am glad I am getting cleaned out. Sorry if that is too much information, but I talk very freely about all bodily functions! And you know it's true that there's nothing quite so satisfying and lightening as a big bowel evacuation. Can I get an amen? Can I get a witness, brothers and sisters?!
I ended up cancelling my plans to go to that outdoor party with Chris Lopez because frankly the idea of driving him and his friend Jamie (another dude) to and from the party, meaning I am the designated driver because neither of those clowns have a license didn't sound appealing. One I really do hate chauffering (sp?) people around, and two, I really don't like being the designated driver at parties, that means I have to restrain myself while everyone else is cutting loose and having a good time. Also, to be quite honest, I am just not feeling very driven to do the whole rave/party thing right now. I would rather, I don't know, rent a stand-up paddle board or go kayaking or river rafting or rock climbing or go to a water park, go surfing, go try golfing or a shooting range, checking out some interesting local music or just SOMETHING ELSE. I have done the whole ravey/party thing for almost 14 years now, and while I enjoyed it immensely and learned a lot from my experiences in that realm, I am not feeling attracted to it these days. Maybe under different circumstances--like if somebody invited me and was going to drive me and show me a good time, I would feel more compelled, but for me to go out of my way to drive two dudes around, I say no thanks. So, meh! I told Chris Lopez he was welcome to come over Friday night and chill and hang with me here, maybe check out a cool bar or a band or a comedy club or something. We'll see what he says.
And now I had better get ready for work!
Oh yeah, this morning's weigh-in was 153.34 pounds, body fat 32.6. So that's a little bit of a gain since yesterday, but I think this is closer to my true weight because come on, who loses 4.6 pounds in a day? I am still very pleased with this weight. Half the weight I gained in Oahu is gone! So, I am halfway down to me pre-vacation weight! Yes!
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50lbs2lose
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 1 June 2011 03:37 pm |
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| Straylight, i just started doing yoga (yogatic and yoga zone on youtube) and i love love love it! I did a 30min. Session thìs morning of yoga for weight loss. Boy was i sweating!, then was so motivated i went 4 a 30 min brisk walk! And AMEN SISTA! on the morning BM! It feels great to clean out first thing! Back to the yoga, dhd you do a yoga for strength or 2 different things?
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Terabyte
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Posted: 2 June 2011 01:54 pm |
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Oh yeah, the yoga for weight loss workouts are killer! Definitely make you sweat and sore the next day. Good stuff! When I do resistance training I do mostly weights and calisthenics, but there are some movements I do that feel more yoga-like, such as holding the plank position for abs and morning glories for the back. There is also a tree trunk and tabletop move I do that help with strengthening. I think pretty much all yoga builds both strength and flexibility, some moves just lean more toward one or the other. There may be some exceptions, but that's my opinion.
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50lbs2lose
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 2 June 2011 06:35 pm |
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Wow! Just finished 40 minutes of weight loss yoga and boy am i sweating and butsore!
Thanx for suggesting the youtube practices!
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Terabyte
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Posted: 3 June 2011 05:28 am |
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Yesterday and today were GREAT days! I have been so filled with energy and happiness, it's unbelievable. It's gotta be endorphins!
I met a very interesting man in the emergency room yesterday that made me think a lot. He was a very high-functioning schizophrenic guy. He was young, good-looking, in shape, well-groomed, well-nourished, well spoken. BUT the reason he had come to the ER was becase he felt like he was being "psychically attacked" by people using technology on their cell phones. That was his presenting issue. He called the technology "Psychotronics." He also believed, although this was not something that was bothering him too much, that people called "smear people" go around spraying people with an invisible substance that makes them smell awful. I spoke with the guy at length, as he had been put on an 8-hour-hold for being a danger to himself. I guess he'd said something to the triage nurse that these psychotronic attacks were bothering him so much he was thinking of hurting himself to make it stop.
Delusional, clearly. HOWEVER
I looked up psychotronics online and it is supposedly a real thing and this one celebrity is really into it. And wouldn't you know it that he was sharing a room in the ER with a woman, a stranger, not someone who knew who worked for this celebrity and SHE had been brought in because she had tried to kill herself the night before.
That was strange occurrence #1...
Also, when the county psychiatric evaluator came out to see this patient, I noticed, could not help but notice, that this evaluator smelled FOUL. It smelled like the worst halitosis I have ever smelled in my life. When she was talking to me, going over her assessment of the patient, I had to stand back, she smelled so horrific. Had the smear people gotten her? Now, I don't believe in smear people, I think this woman just had very lethal stenchbreath. But seriously, her breath could have killed a plant.
I have thought a lot about schizophrenia, it is a subject that I find fascinating. And something I have thought was that maybe, just maybe, in the minds of certain people, they can perceive things that others just cannot perceive. Just as there are sounds that we cannot hear because our ears just aren't sensitive enough to hear soundwaves of certain lengths, I think that most people's minds are not sensitive enough to pick up other phenomena whereas other people's minds are. I think that it is a possibility that some people can perceive data that others can't because their minds are more sensitive. But, they can't always process it correctly so it comes out in weird ways.
Consider this: The woman in the room who had tried to kill herself must have been feeling horrible. I mean of course, right, she'd just tried to kill herself. Maybe this delusional guy is one of those people that can pick up really well on other people's energy, maybe he somehow felt her horrible sadness and despair and he couldn't understand what this was. And the woman DID work for the celebrity that was into psychotronics. So, maybe this guy felt her horrible pain and also somehow his mind also was able to perceive in a vague sense that the woman was also connected to this celebrity and this psychotronics concept. This is all info that did not come to him in a linear fashion, it's almost like the valve of his perception was opened a lot more, he got a big influx of data and the best his brain could produce to make sense of it was the delusion he came up with.
As well as the stinky evaluator. The valves were open and vague information about a horrible smell came to him, *blip* his mind tries to construct something around this and he comes up with the smear people.
This is all theory, of course, and there are plenty of other much more shall we say conventional methods of explaining schizophrenia and I realize that it might sound fairly silly to some people, but I think it's worth thinking about.
And as far as this guy goes, honestly, he was a really high functioning guy. He said he had trouble keeping a job though because when he started talking about ideas like these, he would frighten his coworkers/superiors and he ended up getting fired. He said that he really wanted to be able to work and also find a nice woman to settle down with, but his ideas made people think he was crazy. He said that he'd been diagnosed with schizophrenia but that he had been denied SSI because his schizophrenia wasn't severe enough to be considered a disability.
I felt bad for the poor bastard.
And I thought to myself that probably what he really needs is a little bit of social training, not to bring up certain subjects, especially at work or when he's first dating a woman he likes. And also, to maybe even just change his language a little bit when he's talking. For example, instead of saying he is being attacked by cell phone technology he might say that he was very sensitive to people's vibe or energy. That may sound quirky or hippie-dippy but it doesn't sound CRAZY. He could even say he was psychic or had a sixth sense or ESP or whatever and again, he might sound a bit off the wall, but not psychotic. Sometimes there is a very thin line between what is considered a disorder and what is just considered eccentricity. Sometimes it's actually just a matter of tweaking or censoring what you say a little bit. I think this guy was intelligent and insightful and could definitely acheive his goals of being a worker and a life partner to a woman if he learned a little bit how to keep his piehole shut in certain situations.
The stinky evaluator lady ended up putting him on a 72-hour hold, stating he was gravely disabled due to his delusions, but gravely disabled means that your mind is so far gone that you can't even meet your own basic needs for food, shelter, clothing, hygiene, etc. This guy was totally able to meet his basic needs, he just had some really funky ideas and fears. I thought it was a shame that he had to go be locked up for 3 days becase of it. I tried to call the social worker at his psych facility this morning to touch base with him or her regarding my assessment of the patient, because I spent WAAAY more time with him that the county evaluator did, and I really wanted him to get some social skills training during his lock-up, I thought that would be the most prodctive use of his time there. They said, at the psych facility, that he'd not yet been assigned to any social worker, so I will try again tomorrow.
He inspired me to research more on schizophrenia and how to help people with it become as "normal" as possible, be able to live the lives they want.
Anyway--changing subjects, I have eaten VERY well these past few days and have had wonderful workouts every morning. I feel super energized all day and I have been very productive. I notice that I need less sleep AND less food. And I have actually been craving salads. Yes, you heard it here for the first time ever, I have been craving SALADS and the idea of a fast food burger is actually gross to me right now. This is amazing. This is how I have wanted to think and feel for so long and now I am indeed doing it! I am completely high on life. I am on cloud nine.
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mollymoo24
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| Joined: | 30 December 2007 |
| Location: | Chicago, USA |
| Posts: | 7175 |
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Posted: 3 June 2011 05:32 pm |
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That was a very interesting post. No doubt the brains of schizophrenics are wired differently. And whether they pick up more "cues" from the environment I don't know but it would not suprise me. I tend to think that there is a LOT going on in the environment that "normal" people filter out or are not aware of.
Your posts are full of positive energy and I enjoy them very much. I can relate to being ready to move on to a new and different set of activties and experiences.
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Terabyte
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Posted: 7 June 2011 01:11 am |
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#%@&!! Every time I try to do italics, I lose a g.d. post. That's two I've lost now! 
So now you get the supershort version:
I had a great weekend. Continued with my happy habits, got a deep tan, keep losing weight, met my hot neighbor, helped out some other neighbors, visited some friends, started editing my book that I wrote. My goal is to get it published within a year.
Weight is 150.92 with 32.2% body fat. 149.6 was my pre-Oahu body weight. It's just around the corner! So close!
Work was hectic but good today. I was able to help a lot of people and the patients expressed what seemed like very genuine and heartfelt apprecation for what I did for them. A 10-year-old girl told me I was very good at my job. Her exact words. Love it!
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Terabyte
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Posted: 7 June 2011 03:35 am |
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Just had a fairly significant conversation with my boyfriend--it has been his dream to move to San Diego for a long time (we currently live in L.A. area) and he is taking his big state exam to be a dialysis tech on 6/16/11, at which time he will be able to apply for jobs. No big surprise, he said he was going to be applying for jobs exclusively in San Diego since that is where he wants to live. He asked me how I felt about that, and I said of course I preferred him to live closer, but of course I would want him to follow his dream and move there. We would make it work. We would just do the weekend thing, see how that worked and if we stay together (which I hope we do!) then eventually I would just relocate down there and either get my own place again or move in with him.
San Diego is actually a beautiful area, and my parents have wanted to move down there for FOREVER. Maybe once my Mom retires (which will be about Janary 2012), they might do it. I would definitely not mind living down there, gorgeous weather, beaches, cool nightlife, warm, and I don't believe too many bad gang problems or anything like that.
I will admit I DID feel a little fearful when he told me that he was going to be moving further away, but he reassured me that he definitely wanted to stay together and make it work. So, that was nice. If things continue on the same track, I reckon I will be moving there anywhere in the next few months to a year.
I also called my boss at my staffing agency and asked her if there were ever assignments in the San Diego area and she said yes, we have a contract with the Veterans Administration down there. So, that is great for me that it's an option for me to just stay with my agency (as they have made me very happy for the past 15 months).
So, lots of changes, but I think it's all good. I will be very happy to be spending more time in San Diego, at any rate!
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Terabyte
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 18 November 2008 |
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| Posts: | 1628 |
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Posted: 8 June 2011 05:47 am |
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Another fabulous day! Got some good sun, survived the world's most boring jury duty and helped my neighbors some more. Helping people really feels good. About 8 years ago, I invented a language with my friend the Blue-Eyed Jew. The language was called Sunyadi and there was a word in it "avin" which means the blessing of helping others. It is not like a duty, which implies a sacrifice or doing something you really don't want to do but you do because you have to (like jury duty!) but is rather something that you do for someone else that gives you great pleasure, it makes you feel blessed to do it. That is avin. (for those of you who care, you pronounce it "AH-vin". Helping out my neighbors and helping patients at my work honestly makes me feel super good, as good as an intoxicating substance. It truly is avin. I love it!
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