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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 May 2008 02:43 am |
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Let’s kick off my diary with a few stats about me.
Age: 37
Height: 5’8.5”
Starting weight: 281
CW: 265.5
Short term goal: 257 by 05/31
Long term goal: 170
Today has been tough. This day has been no different than any other; I think that’s why I’m so unnerved by it. For the past 23 days I’ve been able to keep my eating healthy (I refuse to say diet – what I’m doing is something I think I can do forever. ) In fact I’ve noticed that since I started eating mostly whole foods and exercising that, in addition to losing a little weight, my mood is much improved. I can be pretty intense, but the last couple of weeks I’ve hardly ever wanted to rip someone’s head off. (Unless they were REALLY obnoxious.)
But today at work I found myself, about an hour after lunch, running up to the cafeteria before it closed because I needed something to eat. I knew I wasn’t pausing to determine if I was really hungry – I just had to have something. I thought I picked something that would satisfy me (and it did - for 5 mins) and wouldn’t ruin my day, but now I’m so mad at myself.
Here’s how my food day went:
Breakfast: bran cereal and skim milk (240 cals)
Snack (only I ate them immediately after breakfast!): red grapes (200 cals. Yes, there were that many grapes.)
lunch: lean cuisine (280 cals. I try to avoid processed foods, but these are so tasty and I watch the salt.)
Snack: Turkey Breast (baked, real, not deli meat) & diet coke (350 cals. The killer! I’ve cut down on my soda dramatically so this was a failure. Plus they gave me such a huge serving and I ate every bit!)
Dinner: Salad (365 cals)
Other: 2 of these chocolate kiss like things (50 cals)
Total: 1485 cals. <sigh>
I know this day could have been a lot worse, but I’m just so annoyed with myself. Plus I haven’t exercised in 3 days. I know tomorrow is another day and I’m trying to work past it, but right now I really want to go mow down the kitchen. Hopefully this venting will help!
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Theresa
Senior Member
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Posted: 15 May 2008 12:12 pm |
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I think you can add 400 healthy (veg&protein) calories a day to your diet, then you wont binge and will continue to lose weight and feel much better.
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cportwine
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 May 2008 07:24 pm |
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Don't get so down on yourself. I know it's hard not to, but when I do that, then my diet just gets worses. So, try to stay positive and do some exercise. That always makes me feel better.
Hope that will help you some... Good luck to you
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 May 2008 10:03 pm |
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Well, I didn't mow down the kitchen last night, so Yea me! 
My eating today has been has it has been the last few weeks - high fiber cereal, skim milk, fresh fruit. I had another frozen meal for lunch, but today I'm glad I did because orthodontic problems made me have to run a lot this afternoon (Yes, I have braces. I'm a 37 year old nerd!)
Exercise seems to be getting more difficult to make myself do. I recently got the Turbo Jam series and did it faithfully for a couple of weeks. I lost 7.25" in 10 days, and I enjoyed doing it. But it's been a week since I did it last. I don't understand me sometimes! I am one of the lucky few who actually have plenty of time to exercise ( I work regular hours and have no children or significant relationship) and I like it, so what is my problem?  At least I have been active this past week - I threw a big mother's day brunch that took 3 days of effort and I've been doing less sitting at the desk at work.
Now if I could only get my motivation back. Anyone have any ideas? ( I will be going to EU in July to teach a series of classes for my company - travel really stinks if you are bigger. I'm trying to use this as motivation to lose more weight. I just keep chanting "No seatbelt extender, no seatbelt extender." In my head. otherwise that would just be crazy. )
Last edited on 15 May 2008 10:04 pm by MidgeH
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cportwine
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 16 May 2008 04:36 am |
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MidgeH wrote: Well, I didn't mow down the kitchen last night, so Yea me!
My eating today has been has it has been the last few weeks - high fiber cereal, skim milk, fresh fruit. I had another frozen meal for lunch, but today I'm glad I did because orthodontic problems made me have to run a lot this afternoon (Yes, I have braces. I'm a 37 year old nerd!)
Exercise seems to be getting more difficult to make myself do. I recently got the Turbo Jam series and did it faithfully for a couple of weeks. I lost 7.25" in 10 days, and I enjoyed doing it. But it's been a week since I did it last. I don't understand me sometimes! I am one of the lucky few who actually have plenty of time to exercise ( I work regular hours and have no children or significant relationship) and I like it, so what is my problem? At least I have been active this past week - I threw a big mother's day brunch that took 3 days of effort and I've been doing less sitting at the desk at work.
Now if I could only get my motivation back. Anyone have any ideas? ( I will be going to EU in July to teach a series of classes for my company - travel really stinks if you are bigger. I'm trying to use this as motivation to lose more weight. I just keep chanting "No seatbelt extender, no seatbelt extender." In my head. otherwise that would just be crazy. )
It sound like you need to mix up the exercise thing. Do different stuff. If you get bored with something, then it's time to try something else. Have you tried walking, biking, ab lounger, ab wheel, anything that is different. Those are some of the things I do. I want to try other things, but I am really addicted to my walking.
Also, motivation, Sounds like you have the motivation for not wanting that seat belt thing. So, go for it.
Traveling, is hard, I still struggle with it. Alls I can say, pack your own food, and then try to eat that instead of fast food or going out to eat. I know it can't be avoided all the time, but the more you do, the better.
good luck
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 May 2008 04:44 am |
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Thanks for the posts guys!
Things are already looking up. After posting yesterday I got up and exercised. I'm not bored - yet! - and I really felt GREAT afterwards. Just need to remember how much I actually like working out when I do it.
Had a very good eating day:
Breakfast: high fiber cereal & skim milk
snack: 1/2 a banana ( it was big and, as a diabetic, this isn't the best fruit for me because of all the sugar. But I refuse to freak out too much about naturally occuring sugar!)
lunch: another lean cuisine. Since this is usually the only processed food I eat, I've decided to not worry about it. Yet.
snack: strawberries - which I think may be a diet wonder food!
dinner: my sister came over and I convinced her to go to Jimmy Johns for a sandwich. She had a regular one, I had the turkey wrapped in lettuce instead of bread, no mayo, no cheese - loaded with veggies. It was just OK, but when I ran the calories through their website it only came to 120 cals! Maybe that's too low, but it still puts the subway-jared-sandwiches to shame!
And, after all the complaining I've done I'm down to 264, that's 1.5lbs in only 2 days. (I'm past the water weight loss stage so that's real weight loss.)
One thing that was made absolutely clear tonight is that my family is a problem. My sister knows all about what I'm doing - I've asked her to take pictures of me at monthly intervals (tonight was the 1st month set - definate change could be seen!). But even knowing this she showed up tonight with cream puffs! She got me a sugar free one - but all of us sugar watchers know that doesn't = low fat & cals. Luckily I had a low cal day so I could eat a little of it, but I just can't seem to get her (or anyone else in my family!) to understand. I'm trying to be patient and not santimonious but bringing cream puffs to me at this point is kind like bringing a bottle of vodka to a recovering alcoholic.
Sabotoge or just being dense? I don't know yet. I'm still in a good mood though - good day!
Last edited on 17 May 2008 04:45 am by MidgeH
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 May 2008 05:12 am |
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MidgeH wrote:
One thing that was made absolutely clear tonight is that my family is a problem. My sister knows all about what I'm doing - I've asked her to take pictures of me at monthly intervals (tonight was the 1st month set - definate change could be seen!). But even knowing this she showed up tonight with cream puffs! She got me a sugar free one - but all of us sugar watchers know that doesn't = low fat & cals. Luckily I had a low cal day so I could eat a little of it, but I just can't seem to get her (or anyone else in my family!) to understand. I'm trying to be patient and not santimonious but bringing cream puffs to me at this point is kind like bringing a bottle of vodka to a recovering alcoholic.
Hi Midge,
I can relate to this. My mother-in-law bought me chocolate cupcakes for my birthday even though she knows very well how well I am doing with my healthy eating. (I didn't eat them.) But she's also started having a nice garbage green salad when we come over for dinner, so she's learning, and I appreciate it and I tell her that. My hubs was terrible and now he usually leaves the bad food out of the house and makes sure that he always picks up salad and grape tomatoes when he is at the grocery store. Be patient but firm with your family, but don't eat what you don't want.
I've seen a number of people wrting about this, including me. I hope they will come around once they realize that you have changed your rules.
P.S. I had a Jimmy John's "unwich" once in the early days of my healthy eating, I didn't like it at all. Its so much lousy iceberg lettuce that it tastes like lettuce and water and you miss the whole taste of the meat/cheese. I just get a regular sandwich and only eat half of the bread.
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 18 May 2008 05:06 am |
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Thanks for the response mollymoo24, you're right - the more I think about that unwich the more disgusting it gets in my mind (however - I was down another pound this morning so it couldn't be all bad!)
I've had a pretty good day today:
Slept late because work was exhausting this week, so breakfast (at noon, lazy head!) was cottage cheese (low fat with a little mrs dash - it's good)
mid afternoon I had strawberries and 2 tablespoons of nuts.
This eveing I went out to dinner, this fabulous place that is all organic, locally grown items. I'm a bit of a foodie (unfortunately) and I adore this place. Had this yummy lamb risotto, first red meat I've had in 4 weeks. I couldn't eat like this everyday (well, I could - but I'd weight 600 lbs!), but I'm following a 20/21 rule - I worry about 20 of the 21 meals in the week but 1 I just don't worry about. But because I've been eating healthy I seem to automatically be making better decisions - no alcohol with dinner, no desert, but a yummy entree that I can enjoy and not feel guilty about.
I worked out again today, Turbo Jam and a little upper body work. I say little because after one circuit I felt dizzy and a little nausious. It was between the cottage cheese and the strawberries - should i have done it on a completely empty stomach, or was I suffering from not eating enough before? Any ideas?
I'll have a more standard eating routine tomorrow. I plan on working out again, I'll see if the same thing happens.
overall I'm feeling good and 18 lbs gone!
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 19 May 2008 12:08 am |
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So far, so good today.
food diary:
breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs & 1 piece of wheat toast
snack: 2 tbls nuts
dinner: homemade lentil soup (vegetarian) and baked chicken breast
total: 840 cals.
I haven't had nearly enough veggies today, so that'll be my final "snack". I missed lunch because of all the running I did this afternoon. But that counts for activity! I may still exercise tonight - for one of the first times in my life I'm actually getting concerned that I'm not eating enough, though. How cool is that?
tomorrow is another monday, another week. Time to set some short term goals!
1. cut back on  . I was really good at weaning myself off these past weeks, but in the past few days I've been drinking far too much. No more than 1 per day! (4 weeks ago I was drinking up to 10.)
2. stick to eating schedule. this weekend that went to #%@&! in a handbasket!
3. Find a good pair of shoes for aerobics. (any ideas out there? I need something for support during high impact and with low tread because I'm doing it on carpet. I need to be able to pivot easily.)
SW: 281 CW: 262.5
bye bye 18.5!
Last edited on 19 May 2008 12:09 am by MidgeH
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 20 May 2008 02:01 am |
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another good day:
Breakfast: high fiber cereal & skim milk
snacks: strawberries & grapes ( a reasonable amount this time)
lunch: lean cuisine
Dinner: huge veggie salad (I only use red wine vinegar for dressing) and a small chicken breast
Total: 1080 cals
I also exercised, 25 mins aerobics =-300cals
I'm feeling really great. This is going to sound silly, but I think I may have finally figured out what works for me. And, it only took 30 years! As I sit here tonight I'm feeling pretty satisfied, not full but satisfied, I've moved more in the past month than I have since I had to go to cardiac rehab, for the first time in decades I finally have some hope. I've been slowly committing suicide with food (I had a massive heart attack at the age of 35 for cryin' out loud) - but now... well now I think I might actually achieve the health I've always wanted. Maybe I just finally feel like I might deserve it and that's driving it.
The trick now is to keep it going!
Adios 19 lbs!
Last edited on 20 May 2008 02:02 am by MidgeH
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Micchi
Member
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Posted: 20 May 2008 06:57 am |
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Midge you seem to be doing great so far, 19lbs gone thats awesome!! Sounds like you had a good day food wise and exercise wise. I believe definately that you have found what works for you. You can stick with it I believe in you!
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined.~ Henry David Thoreau
~Micchi
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 20 May 2008 11:18 pm |
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Midge,
Welcome to  and the forums! 
You are really taking the weight off........but, I've got a word of caution. Actually, maybe a couple of words, if you don't mind.
A common train of thought on this weight loss thing, is to never go below your BMR, as you could put your body into starvation mode.............and then it would just hold onto all those fat cells, and you'd plateau. Being you are quite a bit overweight, I know I've read that Nir says it might be OK to go lower, but if you stall out, then know you've probably gone too low. Using the stats you provided, your BMR is 1940 calories for the day. That's the number of calories that your body needs just to exist.......just to sit there and breathe!
Another book I've read/plan I've follow is the Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle book. Tom Venuto indicates that it's OK to go low below your BMR, but not for more than 3 days in a row. Then you need to have a maintenance calorie day.......this keeps your body guessing, so it won't go into starvation mode.
Is it OK for you to go so low in calories, with your diabetes? Your 20/21 rule sounds sensible. Tom Venuto also says something similar in BFFM.....he recommends 5 meals a day for women (about 250-350 calories each) for a total of 35 meals a week. He says to plan 1 or 2 meals where you eat what you want, and don't feel guilty about it. As long as you go right back on your plan, that 1-2 meals won't hurt you. Makes sense, and I think you have more control over the other meals then.
KEEP UP THE GREAT WEIGHT LOSS! YOU ARE DOING IT!
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 21 May 2008 12:03 am |
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Thanks for the posts Micchi & his Gal! I really appreciate the feedback.
Thanks for the advice Hisgal. I've been educating myself about RMR and my daily caloric needs and I've been eating 5 meals a day (I thought calling it a 34/35 rule wouldn't make much sense! lol) I think you have a lot of good points.
I have discovered that If I go below 800 cals (by accident, I never eat this low on purpose!) or over 1500 I gain. It took lots of trial and error and aggrivation to find this out! Even so, I think you are right that I need to get closer to the 1500 mark everyday - if for no other reason then I have no where to go if I plateau! (I have not yet, but it's only been 29 days.)
My biggest issue is, and probably always will be, forcing myself to exercise. I'm not sure I will ever understand why I avoid exercise - it's kinda like the dentist. You dread it and dread it, but afterwards you feel great. I'm trying to overcome this by finding things I like to do instead of feeling like there is something I SHOULD be doing. (If one more person tells me to start walking I may scream. Walking is such a big bore to me! Oh, and I've never lost an ounce doing it. Anhyone having success with this more power to you - but it's not for me.)
Anyway, thanks again- now I'm off to eat!
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 22 May 2008 02:48 am |
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Everything has gone well so far today. I ate a little more at lunch and incorporated another snack (peanut butter) bringing my totals up a bit and I felt better this afternoon.
I'm trying to keep my blood sugar level, but I've been finding that I get really hungry late in the afternoon, after i've eaten the food I've brought with me, but I'm still an hour or two away from leaving work. So, better today. (being able to tell myself that CPHers advised me this would be a good thing to try helped me!)
No exercise - but for a good reason. I'll leave it at that. I did get a good upperbody workout in last night though. So far this week I've had more exercise days then not, so good for me!
CW: 260.5 - adios to over 20 lbs (this is the most I have ever lost on my own intentionally. And some of the changes I've made are definitley sticking. Feelin good!)
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Micchi
Member
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Posted: 22 May 2008 03:55 am |
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20 lbs!!! OMG Midge that is GREAT!! CONGRATS!!
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 23 May 2008 01:05 am |
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Thanks Michhi.
I had a stressful day at work. Not bad just stressful. The interesting thing is that instead of craving a nice big fattening meal because of it I actually don't want to eat! What a turn around for me. Actually having to make myself eat! I'm so stoked.
Obviously calories are good today - as far as exercise goes I still feel like a slug but I'm working on it!
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 23 May 2008 01:58 am |
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Hey, congrats on your steady progress. 20 pounds is a great start!!
When I first started exercising, it was hard to get motivated some days. One thing that helped a lot was to just go put on my workout shoes and socks. Once I had them on, it was easier to just get going.
Now that I've been at it for a while, I don't seem to need to get motivated any more. My body just seems to naturally want it. I hope this happens for you too. I was someone who never really had a regular exercise routine.
Where are you located? Or are you making us guess? I am trying to detect an accent, but haven't quite figured it out. 
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 23 May 2008 02:39 am |
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Oops! Forgot all about my profile.
We're practically neighbors Mollymoo. Go Cardinals! lol
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 24 May 2008 02:40 am |
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What a crazy food day.
Lunch at work was catered today. Huge fresh baked hogies, potato salad loaded with bacon, tons of deserts. I didn't eat a speck of it. There was a pretty plain mixed salad that, by the time I got to it, had all the "good" stuff taken off the top. I had that with the red wine vinegar I keep in my office. I ate with everyone, I actually felt Ok eating my little salad that i later calculated at a measly 75 cals. (it was a little hard when everyone was saying that the potato salad was amazing, though) All I wanted to do was eat with everyone to be social. Problem was it threw off my eating and, with the exception of a couple strawberries i had at my desk that's all I ate! by 5pm i was only at 400 cals for the day and I could barely hold my own head up.
Lesson learned: screw appearances! I should have heated up my lean cuisine to go with my salad as planned!
I stopped on my way home and got a subway salad - double the baked chicken, no dressing. That makes 300 cals. I added 2 tablespoons of nuts, a tablespoon of bacos and some red wine vinegar when I got home. That makes 450 cals, a lot for me to eat at one time, but pretty healthy cals.
I'm still under 900 for the day. Bad! 
However, 5 weeks ago I would have stopped and gotten a fried chicken dinner (or two! ha) so it is nowhere near a failure.
I'm finding that I am becoming a slave to my schedule. Planning is good - 21.5 gone as of today! - but I need to become a little more flexible.
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 25 May 2008 01:37 am |
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So, here we are. Saturday. I went grocery shopping today, determined to spend this 3 day weekend eating a lot more fresh veggies and expanding my menu to keep me interested. I went to the farmers market and bought a few things – it’s a little early for home grown yet, but I did get some locally grown asparagus –  . Regular grocery, then to Trader Joes which I love. So here’s how eating went.
Breakfast – well I got up late (my usual Saturday routine because I stay up far too late on Friday – need to stop this!) so I had my last serving of strawberries.
Lunch – found these chipotle seasoned, frozen chicken skewers at Trader Joes. Only 140 cals and YUMMY. Little high in salt though. I ate it with the asparagus & fresh green beans. (This was an easy meal – chicken roasted in oven along with the veggies. Using a plastic bag put the veggies in then MEASURE 1 to 1.5 teaspoons olive oil for about 2 cups worth of veggies. Toss with a little salt and pepper. Using the bag and tossing instead of just drizziling the oil both coats better and helps you use a lot less. Olive oil is good for your heart – but it’s still fat! 20 mins at 400 in the oven.)
TOTAL CALS: 269
Dinner: 4 oz sea scallops stir fried with onion, broccoli, yellow squash, water chestnuts and bean sprouts. Cooked with a little bit of reduced salt chicken stock and reduced salt soy sauce, no oil. I cooked the sea scallops separately. They’re tricky – over cook just 1 second and they get rubbery.
TOTAL CALS: 300
Snack: 2 tablespoons peanut butter on 2 flax seed crackers
TOTAL CALS: 250
Snack: strawberries (got them at the farmer’s market too – much better than the grocery ones!)
TOTAL CALS: 50
Treat: 2 little kiss like chocolates (only better and TOTALLY worth it)
TOTAL CALS: 75
Only 994 calories for the day – but this was A LOT of food. Veggies really are awesome. You can eat cups and cups of them and as long as you keep the cooking simple.
My other goal for this long weekend is to exercise all 3 days. I figure it’s a small enough goal that maybe even I can do it. Today I did Turbo Jam again (I’m such a klutz I’m still on the learn and burn after 3 weeks – however, I sweat even during the learn part, so it’s a total of 30 mins cardio). As usual I liked it and felt great afterwards.
I desperately need to get new shoes though. Mine give support but my one foot always rubs the shoe in a way that makes me clench my toes – not good. Problem is that my feet are two different sizes. I’m such a freak! I’m completely lopsided. No, really, I wear a full ring size bigger on my right hand then my left, my right thigh is 3” bigger then the left. However my upper body is the opposite, my left bicep is 2” bigger than the right and my left, um, you know, is a full cup size bigger then the right. I guess the top counter-balances the bottom, otherwise I’d probably just walk in circles!
Whew! Long post – thanks for reading!
Last edited on 25 May 2008 02:13 am by MidgeH
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 25 May 2008 09:58 pm |
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I spent some time earlier cruising around the site, and right now… whew… well I’m sitting here in tears.
I spent some time reading, and responding in, a few threads and, lord, what we do to ourselves. I have spent most of my life absolutely hating myself for how I look. I’ve taken it out on myself and I’ve taken it out on others. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why I’ve been killing myself with food for so long, but I feel so helpless when I read these messages from people who are really struggling. I can feel it, I understand it, and it doesn’t matter if the problem is that you can’t seem to make yourself eat or can’t make yourself stop, if you want to cut yourself to make yourself feel or gorge to make the feelings stop. We’re the same. We’re in pain and we’re looking for answers.
I wish I knew the right thing to say to the people I didn’t expect to meet here. When I joined a few weeks ago I thought I would talk a little about my diet, get some tips and commiserate about the pain of chocolate withdrawal. It turns out that there are some visitors here wrestling with profound issues. Right now I’m feeling a little helpless and overwhelmed by the urge to say something, do something, anything to put things right for the people whose messages I read today.
All I can offer is this. I have always considered myself a misanthrope. I am working to come to grips with my anger at the world for not being the loving, peaceful place it can be. I am trying to overcome my irrational anger that I cannot control the way people behave towards me and accept the fact that I can only control my own behavior. I am struggling to stop judging myself by how I think I am perceived by others. I am a person who struggles with myself every moment of every day and have for the past 30+ years.
And I am getting better.
I am getting better by realizing that I have an incredible capacity for love. That I accept and appreciate people who are a little askew, who face social challenges. That I want everyone in the world treated fairly and with kindness.
I am getting better my realizing that this includes accepting and loving and treating myself with kindness.
I’m getting better by realizing I deserve to be happy and healthy and loved in return.
Everyone who is struggling can get better. Everyone is worthy of health and happiness and everyone has something that they can love about themselves.
It’s a struggle, it’s difficult, but in the end I believe that it’s the journey that makes us whole.
Last edited on 25 May 2008 10:12 pm by MidgeH
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hoofprints
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 25 May 2008 11:03 pm |
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You are so right midge...it's the journey that makes us whole. We all have goals and dreams...we get close and are so saddened by what that looks like in reality...so we modify the goal and dream and move on. Does thinner make you happier? No. But we are more in control and able to realize we CONTROL our own destiny. Every day, every meal, every minute.
You are here for a reason....one of those reasons is that each and every person who is touched by you and your diary needs you. Just as you needed those whose diaries have touched your heart today.
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 26 May 2008 01:08 am |
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So...moving on to food for the day.
I haven't eaten enough the last few days and I think I'm paying for it today by being really hungry.
Breakfast: 2 pieces wheat toast w/butter (e-gads, butter. I was at my parents for breakfast today and they only had butter and regular margarine - I chose saturated fat over trans fat. I'm not enough of a masochist to eat my toast dry!)
Lunch: chicken stir fry (no oil - low salt chicken stock instead) and the rest of the fresh veggies I started yesterday. This is one of my favorite dishes because of the variety in it. I only miss the rice a little (I'm trying to develop a taste for brown rice but so far I am not a fan.)
Snack: strawberries
Dinner: the other half of the stir fry. Perhaps not the best choice for my "variety" weekend but it made a lot and it doesn't keep well.
I haven't had my evening snack yet, but it'll probably be peanut butter and sesame crackers. Which will bring my daily intake to 1345. Way over what i have been eating, we'll see if it has any impact on the scale tomorrow.
CW 257.5. I haven't seen the 250's in 2 years and I had to spend a week in the hospital to get that so I'm pretty happy with it.
Exercise - well, I did cardio yesterday and today when I woke up I found what appears to be the beginning of a varicose vein! What am I? 80? So no cardio today - I elevated my leg all day and did a little light walking to keep everything moving - it appears to have retreated now and my calf is no longer throbbing. However - I did do an upperbody workout so yea me ! 2 days of exercise in a row, I'm sure I can do three.
A few days ago I wrote that I was nauseous and dizzy during my upperbody workout and thought it was lack of calories. That's not a problem today but it still happened. I was looking for 3 sets of everything, but only got in 2 (reps of 10). Here's what I do during my upperbody. I don't know all the official names so some I'll describe. This workout came from a personal trainer and uses 5 lb weights. Any thoughts I would appreciate.
- shoulder rolls forward and backward for warmup
- upright rows
- bicep curls
- side shoulder lifts
- 90 degree angle deltoid lifts
- 90 degree angle tricep extensions
- those behind the head tricep extensions (these are HARD for me)
- over head lift on stability ball
- flys on stability ball
- front rows on stability ball
I love my stability ball. I'd sit on it all day if it didn't make me look like a loon.
New discovery today: I can't spell nauseous .
Last edited on 28 May 2008 01:00 am by MidgeH
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CrimsonAnimus
Moderator
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Posted: 26 May 2008 05:30 am |
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Good job on the weight loss!
Looks like you're eating a good variety of food and doing a good variety of exercise. I think your calorie intake is a bit too low, but like you told me, just read your body's signals to know how its responding.
Everyone in my family loves strawberries - I've never understood the rage. I wish I liked berries, though - they're certainly good for you.
Oh, and don't worry about the butter - I've eaten butter too since I started this, when my PromiseActiv margarine wasn't available. Actually, I've eaten it even when the margarine was available. :D
It's funny - I grew up on margarine, and disliked butter for practically all of my life. Then, this year, I started liking the taste of butter! NATURALLY! LOL I could never live with Paula Deen.
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 26 May 2008 03:54 pm |
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Hey, you are on track to meet and exceed your short term goal of 257 by 5/31- congrats on your terrific progress!
Some of your calorie counts seem a little low to me. I am not giving advice by any stretch, but just repeating what I was told when I started and it worked. Usually that they don't recommend taking in less than your unadjusted RMR; however I was so far overweight that they told me I could go 25% below to start off. That will put you in the neighborhood of wanting to eat a minimum of 1400-1500 calories.
I really related to your thoughts about reading everyone's posts here and what we do to ourselves. I think many here, self included, are on a journey to self-improvement or self-awareness that goes far beyond calories and a scale. I hope that coming here proves to be a blessing to you and not a burden.
Now, neighbor, since you are from St. Louis, I must ask if you are a Cardinals fan?
Have a great day, you just inspired me to go do my upper body toning workout. Cheers.
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 26 May 2008 06:00 pm |
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No, mollymoo24, I couldn't care less about sports of all types, I was just being obnoxious . I would take anyone up on a trip to Chicago to see a game though - I love Chicago. (of course I'd ditch the game to go shopping!)
I know everyone is right about the calories, but it doesn't seem to be working out for me the way all the experts tell you it should! Today I have gained. Now, I don't put much thought into a 1 day gain as it could just be a little water retention from exercise & salt ( I had too much yesterday) but it does fit the pattern of higher calories = consistant gain for me.
I am a little concerned that I have only been eating this way for 5 weeks and have lost a pretty large amount of weight in that time in a consistant manner and am completely unprepared for a plateau. Of course, I've never stuck to a healthy eating routine long enough to hit a plateau ever so maybe when I get there I'll actually feel a sense of accomplishment, but I'm more concerned that I have approached this weight loss in a way that will not allow for any wiggle room to get me out of a plateau.
The good news is that I'm actually pretty happy eating the way I am. I've never been happy with my food life (except for the 10 minute carbohydrate high you get after a mound of mashed potatoes ) and I feel like I'm eating enough. But, I'm going to take the advice of everyone and increase my daily intake a little this week and see what my overall weight loss is.
Now, <sigh > I'm off to exercise. Well, maybe I'll cruise the site for just a few more minutes. Ha.
ETA food for day.
late breakfast was really a snack - peanut butter and sesame crackers
lunch was eggs florintine (egg beaters, spinach, onion, low fat cheese a little olive oil. This is a cooking experiment gone wrong!  I'm new to using egg beaters - I don't think I know what I'm doing yet)
Dinner was my usual salad mix with a lemon/garlic chicken breast
I will be having a snack of strawberries a little later. Total Cals: 1095. (yeah, yeah. i know that's still low. But I'm just not hungry for any more than that. Maybe I'm actually eating more than I think? I started counting calories when I was 12 so I like to think I know what I'm doing but maybe I'll recalculate some of my logs and see.)
I exercised - a little modified cardio to account for my decrepit leg. Exercise 3 days in a row - good for me!
Last edited on 27 May 2008 12:56 am by MidgeH
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 28 May 2008 12:39 am |
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CW 256.5. I knew that gain yesterday was salt!
I have absolutely no idea why I set my 5/31 goal at 257. It should have been 256. That would be 25 lbs. I should be able to still meet that. Almost time for a new goal!
Everything is going well today, quiet. Maybe it's because my boss is out of town - those are always good times .
Food has been typical:
Breakfast: 2 wheat toast + promise spread (190 cals)
Snack: small banana (90 cals)
Lunch: lean cuisine (300 cals)
Snack: Fiber One bar (I know I'm trying to avoid processed foods - but I also get hungry in the afternoon and fruit doesn't do it. These are both high in fiber and convenient. This afternoon was easier.) (140 cals)
Dinner: My usual big salad with lean protein (360 cals)
Other: 1 little chocolate (35 cals), 6 sugar free mints (30 cals)
I'll have a few of my remaining strawberries (50 cals) later for a total of 1145.
I am going to be busy, busy, busy at work for the next couple of weeks. As long as I continue to avoid the work cafeteria I should be OK (today they had their homemade chicken gumbo - my favorite - but I resisted! Maybe I should stop even looking at the menus.)
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 29 May 2008 12:45 am |
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I was expecting to be at my goal today, but instead I went back up 1/2. 257. Huh. When I woke up today I did feel like my legs were made of lead, I'm not sure why. My weight has been so bouncy this week - could be the calories. Maybe I need to do one of those zig days so I can zag back to a steady weight.
For those of you who do this, how does zig zagging work?
Food was OK - the usual menu:
Toast with promise, lean cuisine, a banana, a peach, a chicken skewer and asparagus.
Little low on veggies today (and cals!), but I have another snack coming.
Last edited on 29 May 2008 12:47 am by MidgeH
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 29 May 2008 11:48 pm |
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CW:256 – Goal 1 met. I think I’ll wait and see if it sticks before calling it a complete success though. Weird weight week.
Time for a new goal  . Ok, this is going to sound like I’m trying to lose weight too fast, but there are good reasons, so hear me out.
New goal is to lose 18 lbs by 6/28, that would put me at 238. There is a lot going on around that time that I am trying to prepare for.
- I leave for Europe 6/28, a business trip. I’ll be spending 3 days in Munich, then 3 days in Poole, UK. I’ll be taking 3 flights in 6 days and anyone who is bigger knows that planes are TORTURE. I refuse, REFUSE!, to need a seat belt extender. At my weight now (256) I probably no longer need one (It was so bad at my higher weight that I actually bought an extender so I would not have to ask) but at 238 I could probably not even pack it, and also no longer infringe on the poor sap who would get stuck in the seat next to me. Plus – as part of this trip I will be teaching a multi day class. I have taught hundreds of class over the years and it is always the same – I am exhausted and by day 2 my feet are killing me. I need the energy and endurance of a lighter body. During this trip I have no expectations for weight loss. I will do my best to stick to my new healthy life style, but it is impossible to plan.
- When I return I have a wedding to go to. Not just any wedding but the wedding of an ex-boyfriend to the woman he met 1 WEEK after we broke up (and after he insinuated that I wasn’t good enough for him.) (Catty moment – take me at my high weight, remove 50 lbs and any personality I have and you have this woman.  Sorry, this still aggravates me.) Confession time: I actually owe this guy a huge debt. It was this – and the incredibly awful way it made me feel – that was the final straw on my obese camel’s back. The #%@&! way I felt about this has little to nothing to do with HIM. I certainly didn’t want to marry him – it’s that the moment I heard about the engagement I BELIEVED him. If I wasn’t good enough for him I’m not good enough for anyone, including myself. Now that I’m getting perspective I realize how idiotic that is, but it still propels me to change my life. For me. But the bitchy side of me wants to be prettier than the bride. I’m a petty person – sue me.
- Finally, and perhaps a little sillier, I will finally be thinner than my father. Yes, I said FATHER. Try being a woman who’s heavier than her father (he’s 239). It’s a miracle I haven’t thrown myself off a bridge. (Just kidding.)
See, I have reasons. Plus it’s not like I want to lose 40 lbs in a month or something. I will have to WORK, though. I fully expect my weight loss to naturally slow during this Phase 2. I’m going to have to tick up the exercise. Maybe I’ll even <grumble, grumble> walk. I’ll probably kick up the toning as well. (I actually like lifting weights. This might be because I’m already kinda freakishly strong. I doubt I could beat someone like mollymoo in a foot race – but I could probably hurl her across the finish line. )
Thanks for reading this long post. I won’t bore you with a food diary today – just take yesterday and copy and paste. (I did have a few more calories today by adding a Fiber One bar – but then I looked more closely at the wrapper and it had high fructose corn syrup! How did I miss that? No wonder I liked them! Even if they do have 9g of fiber I’m not eating anymore. I’ll dump them at work and let the scavengers have them.)
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CrimsonAnimus
Moderator
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Posted: 31 May 2008 02:42 am |
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Way to go, MidgeH!
Your goal sounds reasonable. I know you can do it!
Trust me on this - if the reason he thought you weren't good enough for him was because of your weight, he didn't deserve you. In a long-term relationship, both people are going to get older, they will likely gain weight, along with gray hair, wrinkles, etc. When you really love someone, you love them for who they are INSIDE.
OK, enough psychology. LOL
Don't feel bad about the high-fructose corn syrup. I used sprayable dressing for a pretty long time. I turned it over one day and on the label, clear as day, it said high-fructose corn syrup! I was like, "How did I miss that?!?" Bye, bye dressing. :)
If you want a good bar that is free of high-fructose corn syrup, I recommend the Kashi bars. They are a great source of fiber, as well as a great source of protein. Some of the varieties are also a great source of good fat.
Keep it up! *Thumbs up*
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 31 May 2008 03:28 am |
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Midge, I am so glad you wrote that long post and got a lot of those thoughts and feelings out on the table.
First, I am sure you have reasons why your ex-BF is in your life and you are going to his wedding, I am just wondering about them.
Second, you said, " I need the energy and endurance of a lighter body". Yes. It will be the best thing you ever did for yourself, I promise. I can't wait to follow your journey. I started out just walking a little bit and then a little bit further - anything you can do to exercise will help you reach your goals.
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 31 May 2008 04:08 am |
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Thanks for the responses, guys.
Well, mollymoo, I've known him forever (16 years) & he's part of a large group of friends I have. I think I'm just trying to avoid future weirdness. The being forced to buy them gifts is probably the hardest part. (And the never ending internal humiliation I feel.)
On to today - food was OK, but I have felt terrible most of the day so interest in food has been non-existant. I'm at about 850 for the day, which is low, but at the moment I simply don't care. Tomorrow will be better I hope!
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 31 May 2008 04:32 am |
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CrimsonAnimus wrote:
Trust me on this - if the reason he thought you weren't good enough for him was because of your weight, he didn't deserve you. In a long-term relationship, both people are going to get older, they will likely gain weight, along with gray hair, wrinkles, etc. When you really love someone, you love them for who they are INSIDE
He's right, you know! I didn't realize it at the time, because I was too busy feeling inadequate about myself, and hating what I'd become...........but my hubs loved me and wanted me just as often when I was 250 lbs! Then I knew he really loved ME, not just a great body (because I didn't have one). It just took me a while to appreciate that fact............until I got a little self-esteem back, as I lost the weight. He is such a keeper! (We are married  33 years, late this summer )
Last edited on 31 May 2008 04:33 am by Hisgal
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 31 May 2008 10:17 pm |
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Midge, thanks for continuing to share with us. I am sad to hear that you feel humiliated. I hear the pain behind those words. I just hope that you realize how much you have to offer. You are still spending emotional energy on this man and the hurt that he caused you; I'd love to see you spending that energy on YOU and whatever makes you happy!! 
What kind of classes do you teach which take you overseas? Thats fascinating to me. I'd be intimidated going to another country to teach (or even teach here, no less).
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 1 June 2008 12:06 am |
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Hi mollymoo.
You're absolutely right about the energy I put into being upset about the guy and his life that has nothing to do with me. I'm trying to funnel that energy into working on me. This goes back to what I said in an earlier post that I spend too much time focused on what other people think/say/do and not enough time focusing on my own behavior. This is one instance (among many) when I haven't been been proud of my own reactions. Of course I had every right to be hurt by the way he treated me, but what happened after has little to nothing to do with me. It's just another example of me being angry and blaming people for things not working out in my life when really the only culprit is me.
Finally getting some control over my health is how I'm trying to fight this. Honestly, I don't think my weight was the problem (or not the whole problem) and I don't believe that being thin is a panacea for all ills. But the way I think about myself because of my weight, the emotional toll it takes on me manifests itself in alot of unattractive qualities. I have a pretty robust sense of humor that can turn biting and unkind when I hurt, I am reasonably intelligent but that turns into just creative ways to tear down everything and everyone around me when I hurt, I want nothing more than to lavish love on people but can be passive agressive and immature when I hurt.
Maybe the whole problem is that I don't think I am worthy of being loved and am telling myself that he just proved it. How incredibly sad is that?
Topic change!
I am a corporate trainer. For the last few years that has meant doing a lot of training for small groups on software and processes mostly. One of the oddest things about me, given the way I feel about the way I look (I am not a jolly fat person!) is that I have absolutely no fear of speaking in public. None. Oh, I feel some anxiety because I want things to go well, but no fear of the actual act. It's the one on one I have a problem with. If I am giving a presentation to 200 PhDs (I work in a scientific company but I don't even have my bachelors) I have no fear, but my annual review meeting with my boss gives me cold sweats.
Just another one of those behaviors I want to change. I can admit here that I am good at something - I am a very good public speaker - but I cannot admit to any successes to the people that matter.
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 1 June 2008 12:23 am |
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Food today has been a challenge. I'm still not feeling well, but today has been nothing but cravings and bad choices. I was down to 254.5 today - but I barely ate yesterday so I'm not sure that's a real weight.
I got up at a reasonable time today, but did not eat until noon. Bad! I have been craving a fast food burger  for weeks and caved today. I went to steak 'n shake because I knew I'd only get the burger and nothing else - 375 cals.
Could have been worse I guess.
Then I was craving chips - baked lays 1 oz ( I weighed it) - 120 cals
Tuna on a mini roll out wrap - 160 cals
So I have a 3 fold problem. 1. I'm craving c.r.a.p. 2. I have not eaten anything healthy today (the tuna was about it) 3. I'm way below calories.
On the positive side I could, right now, go hit every drive thru and scarf a million calories but I know I won't (I even just got back from a - get this - candy run - for a workshop I'm holding on monday and I got nothing but stuff I cannot eat (because of the braces, not the diabetes. A little sugar wouldn't stop me with the mood I'm in! Pulling out $7,000 worth of orthodontics by eating Laffy Taffy does though!)
I think I've gotten use to the healthy food high I've been on and now, with not feeling good and having a lot of work stress, I'm not handling it well. Thank god for CPH.
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 1 June 2008 10:02 pm |
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Feeling a little better finally. I'm still fatigued and lethargic but better (this illness is, unfortunately, related to my heart. It's been a kinda scary weekend, but I think I'm coming out of it. It's definately going to derail any exercise this week though. I may have no choice but to walk - no aerobics or weights for me.)
Food so far today:
Breakfast: whole wheat english muffin (Thomas brand - these are very good), 1 slice canandian bacon/aka "ham" - ha (supposedly only 20 cals - I think I'll double that), 1 poached egg with 3/4 of the yolk scooped out and tossed. A little butter on the muffin (at my parents again!) - Cals 260
Snack: Kashi Bar (thanks Nick - I picked these up and I like them) Cals: 140
Lunch: Usual salad with 3oz rotissere chicken (I just bought a new digital scale - love new toys! - I removed the skin and cut up the breasts of the chicken and weighed it out. It's weird what I find fun now.) Cals: 350
Dinner: TBD
The beginning of the week is bound to be hard - I have a couple of very stressful days at work coming up. Just gotta make it to tuesday night! (then repeat next week, but I'll deal with that when it comes.) I also have an eat out day tomorrow - I'll let you know how it goes.
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 3 June 2008 12:11 am |
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Feeling better today. I wasn't happy with my weight - back up to 256 today - but given the weird way I ate the past 3 days I'm not stressing about it. I think I may be retaining water, so my goal this week is to fight it by drinking enough. So far so good with that.
I had a crazy work day. The good news is that it was very active (up, down, up, down, on my feet and moving around for at least 6 hours today). Here's how food went
Breakfast had to be on the go: Kashi Bar, 140 cals
Snack: Grapes - 100 cals
10 sugar free mints - 60 cals
I took visitors out to lunch: Cup of tomato bisque w/a little bitty toasted cheese (1" x 3") - YUM!. Chicken panini with a little ceaser salad, I could only eat 1/2 - . I have no way of accurately measuring this. My researched guess is 750. This is a great restaurant though - not a scrap of processed food in sight & lots of whole grains.
The conservative estimate is 1050. No dinner yet, I'm not used to big meals anymore and I'm simply not hungry. I may have a little fruit later and call it a day.
Last edited on 3 June 2008 03:21 am by MidgeH
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 3 June 2008 03:39 am |
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MidgeH wrote:
Maybe the whole problem is that I don't think I am worthy of being loved and am telling myself that he just proved it. How incredibly sad is that?
Ah Midge, I can't wait to see you blossom through this personal journey, to embrace and love the inner you . It's really not all about the weight.
MidgeH wrote:
Just another one of those behaviors I want to change. I can admit here that I am good at something - I am a very good public speaker - but I cannot admit to any successes to the people that matter.
Are you saying that we don't matter? LOL. What do you mean that you cannot admit your talent/successes? To whom? I am glad that you are talking about it here because it is a talent that others (ME) do NOT have. I get a heart attack over having to give any kind of a presentation.
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 3 June 2008 04:09 am |
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When I read that back I realized how it sounded! Of course you guys matter! LOL.
What I meant were people I work with, family, and friends who see me in person. I cannot seem ever really get across what I am capable of, never able to articulate what I deserve and what I want because there is always that little voice in my head telling me that they are looking right at me, and no matter what I say or do all I will ever be to everyone is the fat girl. I am nothing but one big self-fulfilling prophecy.
It informs everything I do and everything I think and I am sick of it.
You are absolutely right that it's not all about the weight - but it's the outward manifestation of all that is going on in my head and I think I equate the losing of the weight with the shedding of every neurosis, ugly childhood incident and emotional weakness I have.
I didn't call this Crazy Midge's Diary for nothing!
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 4 June 2008 12:12 am |
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A pretty normal day. I feel better being back on my regular schedule. Just call me Pavlov!
I was busy, physically, at work again today which is good. I just haven't felt up to organized exercise, I'm a little afraid of it at the moment. I'll be seeing the doctor later in the week so I will ask him about it.
In other news the ceiling in my hall is leaking - AGAIN. A few days ago the maintenance guy came and told me it was a clogged drain for the air conditioner and supposedly fixed it. I went up a little while ago and felt around - GROSS! - under the water heater where it supposedly is and found nothing. <sigh> Like I want to be bothered by this. It's these little annoyances that really get to me.
In weight news I just feel fat. I may have hit my first plateau. Dammit. I'm still upping the water and I have high hopes for returning to a regular eating pattern. But I'm beginning to think that my goal for the end of the month is a pipe dream. (I'm trying not to sabotage myself like I always have before by thinking that I'm being cosmically punished. Coming here helps.)
Anyway - here's the food for today:
2 pieces wheat toast with promise (180 cals)
Lean cuisine (260 cals) grapes (100 cals)
Kashi bar (140 cals)
Sugar free mints (60 cals)
baked chicken breast and asparagus with a little olive oil (250 cals)
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 4 June 2008 10:11 pm |
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New realization today: I've become addicted to CPH. I think about what I'm going to write here often during the day (even if it doesn't sound like it!  ) and I immediately turn the computer on when I get home to see what everyone's been up to. I haven't given my previous addiction (chocolate. Oh, I'm not just a chocoholic - I treat chocolate how some people treat wine. I'm a connoisseur who can give a 3 hour dissertation on French vs. Belgian truffels. ) much though lately, so this is an improvement!
Food so far:
Kashi Bar 140
Boston Market: Turkey, mixed veggies, new potatoes - 380 per their website. I think the potatoes were a big serving though, so I'm going to call it 425.
No snack today, I'm still full from lunch and dinner will be later - the rest of my fresh salad stuff.
Also no exercise, but I did go shopping today and tried on at least 100 pairs of shoes. Tottering around on all those high heels I want, but in practical terms shouldn't really wear, worked up a SWEAT. Which, if I think too hard about really isn't a good thing is it? But at least it burned some calories. I did buy 2 very cute pairs. A pair of strappy silver ones for a party I have on Saturday (the couple from #%@&! will be there, so at least my feet will have that "see I don't need you, jerk!" attitude ) and a pair of awesome superhigh platform peek a boo heels. I'm 6'1" in them. (Maybe I should wear them instead on sat for that "I don't need you and to prove it I will crush you!" attitude)
I also went to Whole foods and bought a selection of organic nuts. I do need to add a few calories and good fat so this is a good option. I have to put blinders on when I go in there though. Mostly because organic does not = good for you but their stuff looks amazing and also, who are these people who can afford to do all their shopping there?
Last edited on 4 June 2008 10:13 pm by MidgeH
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 5 June 2008 03:25 am |
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Midge wrote:
New realization today: I've become addicted to CPH.
Yep............that's the way most of us regular posters feel We love the support we get here, and the cyber-friends we've made. I'm glad you feel that way too!
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Scoobees
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 5 June 2008 04:28 am |
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Hi Midge! I just wanted to pop in and say a quick hi. I've just read your diary and wanted to say congrats for how well you've done already! And I love your wicked sense of humor!
I'm so glad you joined the rest of us 'CPH addicts' - what took ya so long?
Continued success to you!
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 5 June 2008 05:01 am |
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Hey Midge, sounds like you are making some good food choices.  I love whole foods except for the prices of course. However they do have the best fresh fish section of any grocer around here. We had halibut from Whole Foods for dinner tonight.
I am glad you got some new shoes to 'kick it' in on Saturday. A thought occurred to me I wanted to share with you, try this on. A year from now, you will either remember the bitterness, or remember Saturday as the day you declared freedom from the negative thoughts this man caused you to have about yourself. Put on your best 'you' and just try to have fun. You definitely deserve it!
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 6 June 2008 01:17 am |
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Oh, Mol, I know you are right. There is a positive side to this emotional mess though - it fills me with a fury that propels me toward making the right decisions with food.
At 1210 cals for the day and I've been drinking all my water. I was down to 254 today - I've been bouncing around the mid 250's for what seems like weeks, but I guess it's really been about 5 days. I hope this is it - I'm sick of looking at the 250's (we have an old fashion scale at work that's hyper-accurate. It has the 2 weight bars, the little one for pounds and the big one for 50 pound increments. I want to move the big one!)
I need to ease back in to exercise - I've been told to do it, but take it easy. That means walking (booooo!) the weather has been awful here, though. Too hot and, more importantly, humid. Wish I had a treadmill. Tomorrow is predicted to have bad storms, but we'll see what I can do.
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Lucy
New Member
| Joined: | 8 May 2008 |
| Location: | Canada |
| Posts: | 205 |
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Posted: 6 June 2008 02:25 am |
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| Midge we must embrace our height girl!! I dont care that I am 6' 1 or 2 in heels...I love being tall..my daughter is taller she is 6 feet!...Embrace embrace embrace
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 6 June 2008 02:29 am |
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| Oh, I do! I love skyscraper heels because of how powerful they make me feel. (I always wanted to be one of those willowy 6ft tall nordic blondes. I settle for being a kinda tall, stubby legged midwest mousy brunette.)
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 6 June 2008 04:15 am |
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| Hey, if you look back that's 11.5 pounds since you first started posting on CPH. You are doing great. At this rate you'll be moving the big bar soon!
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 7 June 2008 03:40 am |
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<sigh> I just feel gross today. Back up to 254.5 - for absolutely no reason!
I'm glad I've gotten to the point where junk food and huge portions seem kinda gross to me, otherwise I'd be sitting here stuffing my face. This is progress, I know, but I'm just feeling so discouraged. Not having the steady loss I had at first is really throwing me for a loop. What should be happening just isn't and I have so far to go. So far.
I guess I need to learn to manage my expectations. After spending so many years obsessing about the numbers it's just hard to let that go. The next few weeks are so important though, numbers wise. I need more energy, I need to be proud of what I look like, I need more comfort.
I just don't know what to do.
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