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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 21 April 2008 10:40 pm |
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I have a food/exercise blog on a social networking site. It would be mostly a sideshow curiosity, since I don't advise people to use it. Too many 'anorexic' 15 year olds. I think this will be more of a running commentary diary and for anyone genuinely interested, I can link my weblog that I do live updates on throughout the day. On here I'll do one week per post, I guess.
Monday, 21st.
Horrible headache this morning, could NOT get up before 2 pm.
When I finally got up I remembered Mom saying something about Dairy Queen in the microwave. I only eat two things there, chicken baskets and reese cup blizzards, so it wasn't hard to guess. It was already 2:30 by that time, so I reasoned I would have had breakfast and lunch by then. However many calories were in this thing, I'd even it out later and still stay under my roughly 1200 calorie limit. Their official site is amazing, it lets you take food off your order. Like I took away the toast and gravy from my basket, since I never eat that, and I saved 250 calories for a total of 770.
Didn't take my appetite suppressants today, what's the point when you've slept through 60% of the day? I'll probably regret this decision come nightfall.
Not sure what I'll have for dinner. My typical breakfast-y plate is 315 calories so I won't think twice about having that. Late night snack will be an apple, diet hot chocolate, and a can or two of Sierra Mist Free. Ta-da, 1190.
Tuesday, 22nd.
Woke up at 10 today, much better. No headache at all! Well...I'm starting to get one now after exercise and sitting outside with the dog. Very sunny day. Blinding.
I'm running out of food so I'm improvising a little. I'm out of bananas, strawberries, white egg beaters, and this morning I had the last yogurt. My bank sent me a letter saying I've broken the law somehow, so I'm afraid to get money out and I absolutely hate borrowing from my parents. April has 7 ish more days, though, I'll have to do something soon. I only have one more apple left!
So today my substitutes are whole eggs, a single serving of pancakes [seriously tiny], and pollock. Somehow, I get to eat an enormous amount of food today and still stay under 1200 calories. I've brought out three different calculators to make sure, haha.
I should probably mention that my only condiment is spray butter, and I was really careful to pick out one that had less than 1 cal per spray. I only use it on mixed vegetables, which I admit I don't have often. So no regular butter, no ketchup, no syrup, none of that stuff I kinda miss sometimes.
I start work in exactly one week and we only get paid every other week to begin with. So 21 days without money. Unless I switch over to my parents' bank like I know I should.
Took the appetite suppressants today and found some raspberry crystal light tea in my closet. It is my first love.
Exercised 80 minutes today. The pain in my legs is lessening. I'm on a mini newsletter for leg exercises and oh my god, I almost died the FIRST day!
Wednesday, 23rd.
80 minutes exercise today, exactly 30 miles. So that's only 10 minutes shaved off my "lazy speed" results. Oh well. My knee hurts, though.
The egg beaters were falsely advertised as pure whites. I almost cried when I poured out yellow gunk instead of murky white. But what can you do? You can calm down and stop obsessing, of course :P
Very weak and tired today. It seems my body's gotten accustomed to eating every few hours and if I'm even ten minutes late, I get shaky and exhausted. Lovely. I can really use that at my new job.
Thursday, 24th.
Well, it's Thursday, which means I've had my body fat scale for a week and it's time to check my progress. And I've GONE UP! How the heck did this happen? What am I doing wrong? It's just so infuriating and depressing that I just want to give up and die or something. This is ridiculous. And every time I measure myself, I get something different. Seriously, you friggin stand on this thing, why is it rocket science? Why is it so sensitive to the most retarded things? Am I supposed to do it unclothed? WHAT? UGH!
Being fat is the worst thing in the world.
Ha, after that minor breakdown I did 3 hours cycling at a low speed. Lotssss of calories burned, and I only ended up eating 985 because I fell asleep early.
Friday, 25th.
Pushed myself today because I wanted to actually sweat and feel my leg muscles and heart working. 23.9 miles in one hour...good, no? My goal was 23.4 so I'm feeling pretty good. Whenever I hit a mark, like a factor of 10, 12, 15 or the halfway mark, I always try to figure out if I'm "on track" or slacking off. You'd think my math skills would be improving because of this, but they're really not, haha. Decimals. My enemy to the end. Or something like that.
My appetite is non-existant until I eat, and then it's humming nicely for about 20 minutes after I'm done. But that's still good progress.
Losing some crazy water weight, including 3/4" off each thigh in one week. And now, for the mini-plateau that always follows results! :O
Last edited on 25 April 2008 11:31 pm by AshIdiot
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 28 April 2008 11:25 pm |
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Hmm, didn't write the past two days. Uneventful except the weekends mean no exercise without being judged. And last night I had a mini-binge, taking me 320 calories over my limit.
SO! To business.
Monday, 28th.
Raised my calorie limit to 1300 from 1200 and went around looking at my food labels to see what kind of protein, fiber, and calcium I'm getting. I'm doing very well in the latter two areas but I could use about 5 more grams of protein per day. I've got a free space of 90-100 calories daily depending on what granola bar I eat for dessert.
Today I returned some of my summer clothes and hoped to get the cash, but instead they debited it back onto the credit card. So I had to go to the bank which I can apparently do now, since I got money with no problems. Spent $45 which is not bad at all, considering I bought two of everything. Kroger is amazing, just by having a little card you can usually get stuff at least 33% off regular price. And the prices are cheaper than walmart's to begin with, except for rice cakes...but I can do without those. The expensive yogurt was cheaper than the store brand and COKE WAS $3 FOR A 12 PACK! 
In conclusion, today rocked except for some leg cramping that will prevent exercise today. Three days in a row without a good exercise session, it's killing me mentally. Work starts tomorrow.
Tuesday, 29th.
Work was good. Only four customers, though, 2 of which I personally encountered. So today I learned (and promptly forgot) general procedures.
2 nights of overeating in a row means I put on a whole pound. But hey, that's life. I'm friggin tired, too, not sure if I have it in me to exercise. My leg cramps up a lot if it's cold or if I do a lot of walking.
SPEAKING OF COLD! Oh my god, I woke up this morning and there was snow on the ground. What's up with THAT? It melted soon, though.
GRR! Why...can I not just stop when I've reached my limit for the day? Why do I have to find petty excuses to keep eating? Why can't I exercise every day? God, I just hate myself.
Especially after leaving at 11 pm to get MCDONALD'S! Ugh. Lots of time on the exercise bike tomorrow. Like four hours.
Wednesday, 30th.
Hmm, not much going on today. Exercised for the first time since either Thursday or Friday. Oh gosh.
Made up a lot of popcorn and put it in portioned bags.
Tomorrow will be a very busy day at work. Oh boy.
America's Next Top Model made me mad tonight.
Binged. AGAIN! God I hate myself.
Thursday, MAY FIRST :OOOOO
Today was either dead or hectic at work. Literally. I would turn around after wiping down a counter and see a line of 35 people. I only messed up a couple orders I think...I hope. And they weren't TERRIBLE, like I just forgot a sundae topping or used special vanilla instead of regular as a base. It was so busy around the main three flavors that I cheated.
But no one cares, including me.
My feet hurt so bad and I was starving when I got home, so I had lunch and exercised. I thought I'd never get done with the 65 minutes but I did. In retrospect, I think I was 100% zoned out for the whole thing so it seems like it only took 10 minutes. Maybe I have a bit of ADD...that would explain so much. I'm certainly not deserving of the H in ADHD.
Nothing else happened today. At least, so far. I have to replace some of the foods in my diet tonight, I keep getting bored and I think that's what causes the binges.
Friday, 2nd.
Tired am I. My legs hurt and don't have a lot of strength lately. All that standing, it's no wonder. Almost had to quit my workout 40 minutes early ( ) because my entire abdomen was cramping up and whatnot. But I pushed through and I'm feeling pretty good right now.
Making fruit sorbets from concentrated juice. Wildberry is my favorite flavor of juice and muffins, everrrrr. Only <85 calories per cup, too. I'll freeze it up and eat it with a straw. And possibly do the same with some vanilla Coke zero...
Yesterday, I only went 5 calories over my limit of 1300. This is pretty awesome, considering I had a giant potato on top of my normal pre-midnight-snack routine.
My stepdad got home early, I keep thinking today is Saturday. Which would suck, I hate Saturdays...nothing on tv....
I was munchy-hungry today and grabbed a donut from a walmart box, thinking it would be 200 like a regular glazed krispy kreme donut. But this had chocolate icing and a cream filling, so that's got to be more calories than just a glaze....I put it as 350. Which means I'm 10 calories over my limit at 8 pm and haven't had dinner or dessert yet. Arghhh. If only I hadn't eaten that candy bar for lunch, I'd have 200 calories left to work with.....
Oh my god are you serious?
Mom brought home KFC. The only thing I eat is the wedges, though....Could be worse.Last edited on 3 May 2008 01:06 am by AshIdiot
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clarinetgurl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 29 April 2008 10:34 pm |
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hi there ashidiot,
Where are you working? Glad the bank let you get money. Oh, and 1300 seems a bit low-ish to me, especially since you sound like you are doing well on the exercise front. Have you figured up your RMR?
CG
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 29 April 2008 11:41 pm |
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| I'm working for Velvet Ice Cream. I'm not sure what my RMR is anymore, I keep either hurting my legs or having an upset stomach. I'll probably take a couple days off until I get sorted out.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 4 May 2008 05:03 am |
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It's been 99 hours, so new week's topic it is.
Saturday, 3rd.
WHOO I can't remember what happened today. It's like the entire weekend in one day, I tell you what ( Hank Hill).
I worked from .......#%@&!. I forget when. Something like 11 to 1:15, it was pretty slow today. I made a practice milkshake and I bought a half-gallon of sugar-free moose tracks, so that's $3.50 spent (yay employee discounts!). Then when I got home, my mom and I decided to go grocery shopping with my sister when she got off work. I hope we actually needed to and that I didn't just make her feel pressured to buy stuff...she spent $98 on a bunch of pork, beef, and various other things while I spent $20 on almonds, two kinds of fish, extra yogurt, tortilla chips and salsa, and a couple other fresh snack things. My sister is a nightmare and I can't stand her son. But that's a story for another time. Then to a second store, where cat litter was supposed to be on sale. But it was sold out so I got the store brand. And a bag of baked tortilla chips. And a bag of seasoned curly fries. Which I shoved in the deep freezer outside. I'm proud for not eating them.
So after the milkshake lunch and the two bowls of ice cream for dessert, I forced myself downstairs to exercise. Once I started, it was pretty fun. It's my time to dance around and zone out and listen to embarrassing pop songs from the 90s. I did an hour, then some resistance training on my hooptie machine, a couple dumbbell things, and then another half hour on the bike. For some reason after doing leg presses and squats, my legs get stronger immediately for about an hour before they're done for the day.
And now, I am showered and fatigued. My skin's so dry and chapped from the weather changes and the new soap I got. Argh.
And PS: cherry chocolate diet dr pepper doesn't have dr pepper in it. I know, I was surprised when I tried it too.
Sunday, 4th.
Hec. Tic. Day at work. Oh well, at least it's over. Didn't get to talk much to the girl I want to be friends with. She greeted me happily though 
Tonight is new Simpsons, Family Guy, King of the Hill, I think that's it. They moved Flavor of Love to Monday. Or maybe that was Rock of Love on Sundays, which ended last month. Hmm.
Tomorrow's a day off. Whooot. Don't know about exercise tonight, my arms and patience are toast.
I suppose I could do an hour or so of exercise. This week's total is 2 hours, 41 minutes shorter along with 66.5 miles shorter than last week's. But considering I skipped three days in a row this week and only did 5 days last week, I think I did just nifty. If I can exercise 6 solid days in a row per week, I should have some amazing numbers.
Tuesday, 5th.
I didn't write yesterday? Could've sworn I did.
Worked today, the person I think I may or may not like didn't really say anything to me. LAME. I keep obsessing over the new flavors all day. I think about food probably 9 out of every 10 seconds. Like today, we got in chocolate-dipped strawberry among other things and I've tasted it in my mind all day. I don't know what to do. Working around food is the dumbest thing I could ever do. I eat less when I don't think about food at all but now that I see it so often, I'm screwed. My willpower is shot lately, I've been overeating and snacking for probably the last 5 days without fail. I hate it. I keep making excuses for it, like my new topic of "Stupid question about calories" if you're interested. Please don't be.
Haven't exercised today because my ankle and butt hurt. Like the bones that you sit on when you're sitting. I've been cycling too long or something. I'm still looking for a suitable pillow that has enough traction for me to use it on the pleather seat that doesn't raise me up too high, or my knees will be bashing into the hand hold.
Ahhh, me and my excuses.
WHY DID I EVER BUY A 1/2 GALLON OF ICE CREAM? SO STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID!
People think it's dumb to eat at fast food, which costs more than buying a bag of fries and a bag of chicken fingers. Well, it's because you can't eat 15 chicken strips in one day if you only bought 3. You know?
I hate food. I can't say I'm on a diet, I'm not, I'm trying to find healthier subs for all the foods I eat, but it's all such a waste. And a destined failure, since I have no discipline.
Wednesday, 6th.
Last night I really tore up the kitchen. I had all sorts of things I shouldn't have eaten. I was just too lazy to make real French toast (90 cals per slice), so I grabbed some pre-made sticks (330 cals for 6....). And then I had massive amounts of ice cream and possibly chocolate. Hard to remember.
Today's been great food- and exercise-wise. I did 1 hour of brisk cycling, then one where I let myself completely slack off. I still ended up doing 21 miles that hour, which I think is astounding. The fast hour was 25.5 because I had to do a couple extra minutes...I kept having to get up and let my mom in the house since we have to lock the screen door. I forgot, I actually had 2 servings of sugar-free ice cream (which is still 280 cals because of the fudge). So that's about 190 calories over my new recommended level of 1450. But like I said, I exercised 2 hours today, I won't really give it a second thought. The ice cream is gone now anyway, so no more lurking feeling in the back of my head. Well, at least until the longing sets in along with feelings of being deprived by force. Ha, my mind has problems.
Work tomorrow. Thursdays tend to be kinda busy. I have nothing else to writeeee!Last edited on 7 May 2008 11:06 pm by AshIdiot
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 8 May 2008 09:41 pm |
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New post time, it seems.
Thursday, May 8.
Today was so busy at work. I was the only person working the ice cream bar so I had help from servers and one of the managers. Almost cried a few times, I'm very emotionally weak :P
Came home and had a sort-of binge...ice cream, a candy bar, and a baked potato with FORBIDDEN KETCHUP. I really want Captain D's and I think I would have it in my hands right now if I weren't broke. I had all this on top of my designated post-work snack of almonds (170), so I'm pretty mad at myself for all the calories I've taken in. Way too tired to exercise. Stressful food-related jobs are of course gonna aggravate my problems, but sitting around at home with no job would do the exact same thing.
Gas is up to $3.78. I remember in February when I only had to wait a couple days for it to go back under $2.50, which was the highest I would pay. Ha! God, I hate money. I never have enough. I want to go get money and get some needed groceries (wheat waffles, soymilk) but if I go to get just those two things, I'll end up getting bad food. Because I can't just screw up ONCE in one day, I get that whole dam-bursting wagon-abandoning trance and eat everything in sight. I don't know how normal healthy people manage to let themselves indulge AND eat all their healthy food. It's impossible.
As if this day's post isn't long enough :P I went to the grocery store and realized, at the checkout, that I didn't get money at the bank beforehand. I had to do the walk of shame, putting stuff back where it belongs. Then I went normal shopping with money, then to McDonald's like an idiot. I'm just an emotional eater, plain and simple.
I found generic soymilk today with less calories than my usual brand...see, silver lining!
I ended up cycling 1 1/4 hours, which didn't even burn off my McD's let alone the binge from before. But that's okay, because I have a nice plan laid out that includes my binge foods like toast, baked potatoes, grilled chicken strips, and ice cream.
Oh, p.s.....my body fat results are all screwy. Still. I think I'll just wait until I get the hand-held analyzer.
Friday, May 9.
Rechecked my body fat and it was tooootally off :P All of my measurements have shrank at least the teeniest bit the past 8 days, except my arms got 1/2" bigger :| So far the food has gone exactly to plan, since I allowed myself 100 free calories. I ate half my rice krispie treat right before I worked out and I'm saving the other half for tomorrow.
Today I did some minor resistance/weight training, followed immediately by some interval stuff. I found a very basic time-intensity chart and I'll adjust it over the next few weeks. That workout plan is for every other day; on alternate days, I'll just one straight hour of cycling, which is my old normal routine. I'm trying to build a bunch of muscle because I know I'll be pretty darn underweight if I ONLY take off my excess fat. I'm stuffing myself with some extra protein to try to 'preserve' the muscle. I really don't understand protein so I tend to ignore it. If I eat it, I eat it, right? But now I'm having egg whites, turkey bacon, soymilk, chicken, and almonds all in one day.
AHHHH did I mention I found 35 calorie bread yesterday?! Oh my god, it feels amazing to know I can have toast again! :D
Saturday, May 10.
Oh dear Lord. It's only Saturday? I'd never believe it. Today's been another weekend. Forgot to pick up my check today. Went shopping, got comfy shoes and some graham crackers. And a 24-pack of diet decaf coke for $5. Yeah, I was happy too.
All day my leg muscles and joints hurt. I didn't get time to exercise until it was nearly 9 pm, and I did an hour. I got a lot of energy and stamina out of nowhere, it was fun. Until my knee started pulling slowly but surely. All good things must come to an end. I was hoping to do about 24.8 miles but only did 24.1 in the end.
I tried flounder today. Tastes just like every other fish on the planet, but with less calories :)
And now, I'm tired. And want my egg white omelet and fiber-fortified granola bar. Because that's just how I roll.
Sunday, May 11.
Had 4 keebler pb fudge cookies after midnight, so those are weighing heavily on today's intake. I'm thinking of letting it go since I'm working on building muscle and could use a few extra calories.
Very rainy, stormy Mother's Day. Hopefully there isn't a big crowd at work like I expected. MUST REMEMBER PAYCHECK! :D There's a lot of bad food going around, like MARINATED chicken, chocolate cake, strawberry shortcake, and...well, I don't even like the rest of the food. So it's not a problem. I'm amazing at not eating cake unless I have a mini mental breakdown, and there's zero chance I'll put CHOCOLATE cake in my mouth. I despise it. I do like the fancy icing we put on it, though, it's got rainbow chips in it. And as for strawberry shortcake...I can just eat the berries. Delishus on their own.
I wish there were hats leftover at work. I don't like spending so much time on my hair :(
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There's no reason anyone should ever have to endure a holdiay. I #%@&!ing hate my family, I don't ever want to see them again when I finally get enough money to move out. I don't understand anyone who WOULD. Why do people VOLUNTARILY do this to themselves? That's just ridiculous.
And today at work sucked. I wanted to quit. And cry.
--
Weekly exercise totals—Mileage: 104.1; Time: 5 hrs, 58 mins. Avg: 17.45 mph
Monday, May 12.
As of 5:12 pm I've done pretty well not indulging in bad things. I had three tiny taste spoons of ice cream (cinnamon, pb choc, and a weird one that turned out to be rocky road). I put that at 20 calories. I popped up a gallon bag of corn and put it in sandwich bags of 3 c each. When I eat them, I'll add some spray butter, and it'll still be 70 cals per bag.
My feet and legs are hurting, I'm not sure about exercising. I don't like taking too many days off, though.
AAARRRGGGHHH all of this bingeing made me gain back all the weight I lost. I'm up to 142.8 now, which sucks. I'm making a good effort to stop eating ice cream at work, though, since I have half-fat low-sugar ice cream at home I can [stringently] control the portion of. The scale at work can't be right...4 ounces looks a lot bigger than half a cup....Last edited on 12 May 2008 10:22 pm by AshIdiot
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 13 May 2008 02:20 am |
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I have a problem with overeating.
Again.
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zenobia
Moderator
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Posted: 13 May 2008 06:45 am |
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sorry to hear about all of the junk at work and at home. sounds pretty annoying.
but man, i gotta say you have a lot of guts to work at an ice cream shop! ice cream is such of a downfall for me- you have no idea. i could easily go through a half gallon in one sitting. i so love ice cream, it's sick.
but don't beat yourself up. i know how you feel- i do the same things. i hope you find the will power and the motivation to get over these hurdles... it sucks, but you really just have to keep fighting.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 13 May 2008 11:45 pm |
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I had a great long post and my stupid cat jumped up on the keyboard and hit the enter button when my mouse was over a link. ARGH! Why am I so easily irritated........or why do I surround myself with such sources OF irritation.....
Edit: Okay, I've calmed down a little. The post was about my current problem and how I got out of it two years ago. Since then, I've even REMEMBERED!
I tried my hardest to make healthier choices without logging (mentally or electronically) a single calorie. I suppose I should try to do that again, but I've dedicated so much time to memorizing the caloric contents of everything I eat that it will be harder this time around. So for now I'm going to abandon my foodlog xanga and keep my mind as clear as possible. I realize I eat out of boredom a lot of the time so I'm going to reacquaint myself with the Pledge polish and Mr Clean. This house could use some work, and that's a time-consuming job that has a positive benefit. My car could use a good vacuuming. My teeth need whitened. I need to brush more often.
But how to make this optimistic, positive attitude last past the danger zone, aka 10 pm when I usually binge yet again? And will I remember anything I wrote by the time tomorrow starts?
I suppose I could still log how much exercise I do. Just not how many calories it's burned. That will just refuel my obsession.
In summation:
Take it down a few notches, dear Ashley.
Last edited on 13 May 2008 11:59 pm by AshIdiot
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 14 May 2008 10:22 pm |
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I don't know how long I want to do this whole "allow yourself anything you want in any amount to defeat the mindset of a binge" thing...I'm getting really sick. And feeling dirty and poisoned.
I can't abandon it now, I have to THOROUGHLY make myself hate bingeing and the foods that I tend to do so with. Then I can do a one-day detox of pure juice before returning to my actually nutritious diet plan.
Bought cinnamon ice cream today. It tastes like snickerdoodle cookie dough, it's DIVINE. The smallest size they had it in was a quart. Or...technically, a half-cup, if I had just made myself a cone of it. The strawberry shortcake is also amazing, I about died when I tasted a little bit on a spoon, but they didn't have any packages of it.
I'm getting so sick to my stomach from the fried chicken strips I got at Wal-Mart. So many additives, so much oil, so much breading...barf. No more chicken from now on, except when I pan-grill the fresh chicken I have in the freezer. I had to go to Wal-Mart to buy a bag of fries to replace my brother's that I scarfed down at 2 am. I forgot to get those 100 cal packs of Hershey snacks, which I think have mini kisses, cookie balls, and cocoa puffs in them. They seriously tackle chocolate cravings.
Arrrrghhh can't wait for detox! I have such a stomach/head ache. I can't tell how much of it is caused by guilt I'm supposed to be suppressing.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 16 May 2008 02:24 am |
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I found a site that's similar to my xanga but it's geared toward dieters and has a lot of fancy tools and stuff. I'll try to work on an account there AND my xanga, to see which one works better.
Done with the two-day gorging process....Tomorrow's juice fasting, and then back to my healthy diet. I'm only weighing/measuring myself once a month for a couple months, with the exception of when that GD thing from ebay gets here so I can test it against my scale. If that ever happens....
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 18 May 2008 04:19 am |
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Back on the diet. I didn't really follow it but I stayed at my calorie level...well, I went over by five, but I do that all the time even when I'm trying.
I went to the store again (OMG SHOCK) and I got 100 cal packs of Oreo candy bites, generic sunchips, lower-calorie bran flakes than what I already have, diet v8 juice, all the sugar-free jello I could carry, and cans of diced potatoes. I realize I'm missing all sorts of nutrients by not eating the skin but right now I'm stuck on calories, and this saves 35 of them. And some manhours measuring and cutting up whole potatoes. I also found ice cream that's only 70 cals per half-cup, and I can't live without ice cream, especially being around it all the time. Today was good on ice cream, I measured out my dessert portion and at work I only tasted one flavor.
I rekindled my love of diet pepsi today when I needed some tylenol at work (sprained wrist, still). I have some in my trunk, actually, how nifty. I take a thermos of diet hot chocolate to work now so I have something to swig on there and back. It doesn't keep it hot, at all, though it's nice to know I have chocolate in my car :)
An owl broke into our house today and desecrated a few lampshades. And as my stepdad was trying to herd it back outside, it apparently made a pit stop at the top of the fridge. Argh, so much cleaning to do! And....oh lord. Tomorrow is the Mother's Day get-together for the people from out of town that couldn't come last week because of the bad thunderstorm. Thank god for work! The thought of my nieces and nephews running through the house, smearing food on things, digging through our desks, invading my room...oh, god, it makes me sick to my stomach. I hate children. I hate them so much. I don't know why it's legal to take them outside of your own home. Or even have them if you're clearly white trash. Ahem. Back to ME.
I love raspberries.
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zenobia
Moderator
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Posted: 18 May 2008 03:06 pm |
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lol... sorry, that last bit was just funny.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 18 May 2008 11:48 pm |
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It's 6:45 pm and I haven't gone to the store yet! Something must be terribly wrong with me!
(We did run out of strawberries and I NEED those....maybe this evening)
Season finale of about four shows I like tonight. WHOOOO!....#%@&!. Two of them are on at the same time. Well, one of them repeats constantly, I won't worry about that one.
Added at 10:
I'm so restless and agitated and fidgety. I think it's my blood sugar. I ate less than half an hour ago, though. Then I popped some gum and tried to do dishes, but the sink was clogged, and I got into a mini-fight with my mom over that.....hmm. I think my brain has trouble switching from one channel to the other or something.Last edited on 19 May 2008 02:53 am by AshIdiot
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 20 May 2008 02:53 am |
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Worked 3 to 7:30 today. Slept in until 1:30, which was perfect timing literally. Zero exercise, poor diet, I'm gonna get so fat. And hate myself. I'm just so easily irritated and when I'm emotionally distressed in ANY direction, I lose all control over myself. Maybe I need pills...
Edit:
Binged last night, couldn't sleep until 3:30 because of the stabbing pain in my arm. And ZERO PAINKILLERS IN THIS HOUSE, I almost lost my mind. Why am I so injury prone? Even people I'm barely acquainted with comment on how often I have bumps, bruises, and aches. Well, there's also the fact that I'm an avid complainer. Mystery solved, I guess.
More #%@&!!:
Ate so much today. I can't stand my living arrangements. It's driving me insane. Everyday I get stressed about my siblings, parents, and the actual town I'm in. Hate it hate it hate it.
I'd love to get up early and exercise but I'd be exhausted for work. Legs would be too weak to hold me up. Hate work too. No work, no money. But all that time and energy I could spend exercising and relaxing......No idea what to do anymore.
But at least I got some advil today. Along with 15,000 calories of chocolate....
Last edited on 20 May 2008 11:38 pm by AshIdiot
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 22 May 2008 12:55 am |
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Today was good. Last night was good. I exercised for 90 minutes, which shouldn't be impossible to maintain if I keep the pace slower than usual.
I can't stand my mom, she always [complains] about being hungry and fat. Fix it or stfu, you know?  One day she'll give up. That day can't come soon enough. And my god, if she doesn't stop talking to the dog like he's a human that matters, I'm going to slaughter him and drop him off at the Mongolian BBQ.
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 22 May 2008 02:07 am |
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Ash you're killing me!
At least you didn't go to the store. Great job on the exercise, too.
It's been a while since I've lived at home, but I remember the frustration. All you can do is work your own program. Oh, and prepare yourself for when you are out of the house and get the one hour phone calls to thrill you with all the adorable stuff the cat has done. (Really - it'll never stop. lol)
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 23 May 2008 02:51 am |
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I need apples, strawberries, bananas, and cat food. And I don't get paid until Saturday. And I'm terrified to even ask for my check because work will be so busy and everyone will be frustrated and snappy. I guess I could go to the bank and put the money in there when I find time...argh.
So frustrated lately. In all the wide internet, no one knows how to make a sugar-free angel food cake or how many calories are in it. And god forbid you stumble onto yahoo answers, where everyone's a self-satisfied troll. I'm sick of being around ice cream all day.
I hate calories. I hate money.
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zenobia
Moderator
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Posted: 23 May 2008 03:30 am |
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1 cup cake flour
1 teaspoon cream of tartar
1/4 cup sugar twin
1 cup egg whites (8 to 10 eggs)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
Sift 1/8 cup Sugar Twin and flour together four times. Beat egg whites and cream of tartar until foamy. Add remaining sugar a little at a time, beating in well. Add flavorings and beat until very stiff. Fold flour into egg white and sugar mixture, sifting small amounts at a time. Pour into 10-inch ungreased tube pan. Cut through with a spatula to remove air bubbles. Bake at 275 degrees for 30 minutes, then raise the heat to 300 degrees and bake until done. Invert pan over bottle neck for one hour before removing form pan. Makes 12 servings.
Nutritional Information (1 serving):
Calories: 44
Carbohydrate: 7 grams
Protein: 3 grams
Fat: trace
Saturated Fat: trace
Cholesterol: 0 mg
Fiber: trace
Sodium: 44 mg
Potassium: 91 mg
Calcium: 7 mg
Exchanges: 1/2 starch
found this on recipe secrets. i think sugar twiin is like splenda.
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zenobia
Moderator
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Posted: 23 May 2008 03:34 am |
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or.... (recipezaar.com)
sugar free gluten free angle food cake
Directions
- Bring egg whites to room temperature.
- Sift together the potato starch, cornstarch, and 1 3/4 cup Splenda; set aside.
- In large mixer bowl, combine egg whites, salt, cream of tartar, and vanilla extract.
- Beat on high speed until stiff and stand in peaks. This takes 1 1/2 to 2 minutes.
- Do Not Overbeat.
- Turn mixer to lowest speed and sprinkle in the sifted flour mixture for 1 1/2 minutes.
- Carefully pour (using a rubber spatula) cake batter into the ungreased 10-inch tube pan.
- Bake at 375° for 35 minutes.
- Do not under bake as it will sink on you after baking.
- It is better to over bake this cake than under bake.
- The top can be well browned.
- Remove from oven and turn upside down on counter to cool.
- I place it on a sturdy bottle with a small enough neck that it fits through the center hole of the pan.
- This cake rises quite high.
- Let cool completely before using or freezing.
Nutrition Facts
Serving Size 1 (69g)
Recipe makes 8 servings
The following items or measurements are not included below:
Splenda granular
Calories 95
Calories from Fat 1
(1%)
Amount Per Serving
%DV
Total Fat 0.1g
0%
Saturated Fat 0.0g
0%
Monounsaturated Fat 0.0g
Polyunsaturated Fat 0.0g
Trans Fat 0.0g
Cholesterol 0mg
0%
Sodium 233mg
9%
Potassium 213mg
6%
Total Carbohydrate 16.2g
5%
Dietary Fiber 0.7g
2%
Sugars 0.8g
Protein 6.1g
12%
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 25 May 2008 02:17 am |
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Left for work at 12:30, expected to arrive at 1:30. Instead, I got there at 12:45 which is the usual commute time. All the traffic is coming from the other direction, apparently. So I get more sleepy times! whoo hoo! Today was nowhere near the nightmare I expected. The only thing that made it bad was being reprimanded by a manager because I put the sundaes in the wrong dishes. Bigger mistakes have been made, it's cool. 6 hours on my feet, though, I don't know what sort of cycling I could accomplish. Plus, that's a workout in itself. If the rushing back and forth isn't exercise, the stress sure is.
But enough about that stupid #%@&!. I stayed within my diet guidelines yesterday and so far today. I've got so many calories left even after dinner that I doubt I'll go over in the end.
Edit:
Yeah, I skipped 'real' exercise, but...come on. Gaining 1.2 pounds? LAME!Last edited on 25 May 2008 05:07 am by AshIdiot
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zenobia
Moderator
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Posted: 25 May 2008 05:02 am |
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I stayed within my diet guidelines yesterday and so far today. I've got so many calories left even after dinner that I doubt I'll go over in the end.
YAY Ash!
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 26 May 2008 02:05 am |
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Braindead. Feet are about to fall off. My scalp is trained into a ponytail.
I am truly a working girl.
Today was supposed to be the busiest day of the three-day festival, and it ends tomorrow. Ahhhh sweet relief! And this check was bigger than the last, so my spirits are up a bit. It couldn't possibly go lower, but if it had, I would lose my mind.
Nephew is staying the night. It's not bad enough that he was here when I woke up at 7, I guess. Ugh. Frickin hate this kid. Just...ugh.
Laid awake in bed from 1 to 3:30. I'm depressed at nothing and it's showing itself by making me lose interest in all of my friends and get very fed up with them for little to no reason. All I can think about is my weight and how unhappy I am with my living arrangements. SUCKSSSSS but these aren't the easy things that can be fixed overnight.
Last edited on 26 May 2008 02:07 am by AshIdiot
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 27 May 2008 01:56 am |
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No more ice cream festival! Hoorayyyyy. My feet are aching. No work until either Thursday or Friday, I forget which.
Food-wise I've been perfect since Friday. Thursday night was when I screwed up. Haven't formally exercised since Friday evening, either. My primary thing is cycling, so I could dope myself up on Tylenol and do that...ehh maybe tomorrow. We'll see.
Oh, and when I say my eating has been perfect, I'm of course only referring to the calorie totals :P I ate a lot of junk, skipped some healthy stuff, went long periods without a snack at work. Stuff like that.
BUNNY! 
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 28 May 2008 12:26 am |
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This morning I woke up to a beautiful, overcast, hot, muggy day. My favorite!
Bought another body fat analyzer on ebay. If I get the other one I ordered, which I thoroughly doubt, I can have them compete with my scale. Oh...I also bought one two days ago online. Wow, obsess much?
Working around ice cream all day has made my dreams turn loopy. I'm always wiping down counters, taking orders, fighting with newly-opened frozen whipped cream, and slicing up bananas. But that's cool because I sat down for a bit and found out how to make a sundae for only 195 calories. If I take 1/4 c ice cream off it, it's down to 160. But where's the fun in that? Hopefully I'll stop picking at the chopped almonds until dessert time. I could even get some Chips Ahoy (53 cals each) and replicate a fancy one from work.
Down to 138.6 this morning. I'm guessing my weigh-ins have been bad because I didn't eat much in the morning and then scarfed all evening the past few days. But that's changed back to normal.
Got an account on a site that tracks calories, measurements, and exercise. It lets you customize everything, which is great if your idea of a serving is different than the database's. Most sites don't have that option and it was discouraging.
So today was pretty darn good, in summation.
Ah, forgot to mention. On the aforementioned site, I discovered a lot of my calorie estimates were off by about 5-15 calories per food. Some were less, some were more, and miraculously I broke even. But still, this ice cream has to be breaking labelling laws...if you total up the carbs, fat, and protein, you get 15 cals more than what's listed It's STILL less calories than the equivalent at work, though, so why on earth am I complaining?! I made a sundae out of it and it was so good, except I forgot that I hate whipped cream. I just like making flower shapes on stuff with it  Last edited on 28 May 2008 12:37 am by AshIdiot
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 28 May 2008 09:29 pm |
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Exercised today, only minor pain on my existing blisters. 24.7 miles! I thought I'd be lucky to do 22, but then when I saw my speed I thought "okay, how about that recent baseline of 23.4?" and then "whoa, I could try for 24!" Very accomplished today. Except my hoodia pills are coming back up on me, making a sick-tasting knot in my stomach. But I did notice how much I sweat today and the weird smell of fish left out on the counter too long. Hopefully that's a good thing in terms of weight loss.
Last night I broke over and had a diet decaf root beer. I thought I'd try to go a while without diuretics since dehydration is a big issue for me. Been drinking a lot more water, thanks to straws :D They really are so nifty and great when you don't have an extra hand to spare.
I need to go lay down a while, plus King of Queens is on. Love that showwwww
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 29 May 2008 09:53 pm |
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2,035 calories today.
And it's only 5 pm.
*whimper*
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 31 May 2008 01:28 am |
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So far, today's been very unusual. I got up at 2:30 after having woken a few times momentarily. Had a headache. It vanished almost right away, though. I had my two glasses of water with pills and then I decided to go wipe down the countertops in the kitchen because they're always gross. That escalated into doing the dishes, sweeping the floor, vacuuming the dog hair out of the fridge grill, and rearranging the pots and pans. Had a banana around 4 with another glass of water and when I finally finished cleaning around 5:45, I had cereal, yogurt, and an apple. Then I decided there was nothing good on tv and that I needed to exercise, even after all that helpful procrastinating. I did 25.9 miles in exactly one hour, which is mind-blowing for me! I was only trying to do 24.6 or whatever I did yesterday to match it, then I thought I could do 25, then 26. Came up just short. There's no ventilation in the basement and I overheat easily. A water bottle helps a little but I don't want to pass out and not be found for a few hours or anything gross. Also, my heart leapt at one point today. Maybe I imagined it, maybe not. But from now on, I'm taking it easy. I'll consider the past couple days a good way to get rid of the ice cream madness of yesterday.
8:30 and I've only had 360 calories....argh, what on earth can I have for dinner to fix that? A giant baked potato and extra chicken, I guess.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 4 June 2008 11:20 pm |
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Eating's been terrible.
Tried to exercise today but I kept seeing shadows dart across the walls from the ceiling windows in the basement. Got scared and ran upstairs :( Did a solid 13 minutes, though. Better than nothing, right?
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 5 June 2008 12:29 am |
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Oh, AshIdiot I feel you! I HATE basements (I won't go in one at night). I did find that having a little tv in the basement helped though. (I guess it kept me from dwelling on who was hiding behind the water heater.)
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 6 June 2008 01:51 am |
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Tomorrow = payday, which means healthy food and a fan for the basement. Going back to lifting weights along with cycling. Thinking of making a move on someone at work. Never really done it before, this'll be fun to watch : /
Prettyfied a little today when I got bored. Clipped all my nails, filed my feet, used a de-aging hand scrub, painted my nails. My toes match my car and my hands are a sheer lilac. Need to do a face mask/scrub combo.
List of current wants/needs:
Pedometer
Fan
New athletic shoes
Breathable gym shorts
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 9 June 2008 11:28 pm |
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| Diet's been slipping. Exercise sucks because my bike is getting old and worn down. Still kinda down lately for no real reason. I really don't know why I can't just stop and think before I binge on junk food.
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zenobia
Moderator
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Posted: 12 June 2008 04:31 am |
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hey ash
hope you are feeling better.
yeah, i feeling all #%@&!ed up, too.
it all wokrs ou tin the end... everything is going to be ok... and every other cliche cheesy upper phrase that's out there.
but really, just picture a cat dangling from the tree- hang in there (omg, i HATE that poster!)
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 4 December 2008 11:08 pm |
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WELL HALLO THAR, ABANDONED DIARY!
Tomorrow I shall start writing in you again 
Pfft, I could at least bring you guys up to speed.
So, my temp job of scooping ice cream is over. Ended Halloween. No more ice cream surrounding me, which is good. I have some 80 cal caramel pecan crunch (...no pecans, no crunch) and some 70 cal strawberry and that's it. I eat ice cream so rarely now, I wonder why I bother. I've been unemployed since then, but not for lack of trying. I'm trying to give up unhealthy food and it's pretty friggin hard. I don't do the fries and chicken nuggets thing anymore. Nothing deep-fried. It takes less time to just freaking cook the fish or chicken yourself than it does to stick it in an oven, even without pre-heating time. So that's what I shall doooo. I need a digital food scale so badly because I love chicken and potatoes but I'm always worried about calorie fluctuations between each serving. They're like $30 though. Maybe for christmas. I'm trying to exercise daily, 60 minutes of sweaty cycling (I have a fan now! it's been such a long time since I last posted, lol) followed by 30 minutes of whatever reduced speed I feel like. My goal is to have 20% body fat and wear a size 4 jean in American Eagle...if those two numbers can peacefully coexist. Right now I'm 29% and an 8-10. My old friend wore a 4 last I saw her and she looks good. I want to be the girl that blends in, not the ultra-skinny girl.
OOH! Just now I remembered we have a george foreman grill. You don't have to defrost meat when you use one of those (I think). Dude, cooking just got 40% easier.
Last edited on 4 December 2008 11:51 pm by AshIdiot
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 4 December 2008 11:31 pm |
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| Welcome back, Ash!
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zenobia
Moderator
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Posted: 5 December 2008 03:41 am |
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yay! so happy to see you ash!
sounds like you've made a ton of great changes. right on 
oh, you should still defrost your food before the Forman grill. it'll burn on the outside and stay frozen in the center if you don't. just throw chicken into a bowl of water about a half hour before wanting to cook it. you may have to change the water once, but it works and you don't have to nuke it.
Last edited on 5 December 2008 03:43 am by zenobia
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 5 December 2008 10:46 pm |
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Today was one of those weird, busy days. Of course, my definition of busy and your definition of vacation may be eerily similar. I woke up around 10 to go grocery shopping with mom. I got tilapia fillets and chicken breasts to throw on the george foreman. And clementines are now in season. I feel bad about not buying my own groceries anymore and I can tell mom's spending more than she would like. I need to just go to the bank and buy my own stuff like I did as of last month. I exercised for an hour as usual but then my bike started grinding so I tried to fix it and ended up throwing stuff and crying angrily. But it's patched up for now and I did 30 extra minutes like I'm in the habit of doing. I've only had fiber one pancakes for breakfast and some nutrigrain waffles for lunch. I have no appetite this week. Since last Sunday, I've been eating whatever healthy food I wanted and not counting calories, sort of to show myself that I have more options than I usually notice. Then next week I'm going to count my calories, and the week after I'm going to see where I have room for improvement. I ran my errands tonight and got gas. Haven't done that in....a month. I spent $6 on a quarter tank. The pump did that shuddering thing, so I thought my tank was full and stopped. Oh well, as long as it's over half full it should be okay in the winter cold.
Lately I'm very intrigued by Aunt Millie's line of products. Don't ever, ever try the muffins. They will make you devour the whole box and try all the other flavors. But on the other hand, their wheat breads and stuff have 60 cals whereas generic wheat bread is usually 70. Ten cals is ten cals, baby. They also have whole-wheat english muffins I thought I'd try. I'm just not into english muffins, it seems, so I gave them to my brother. Egg sandwiches all around!
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 6 December 2008 10:08 pm |
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| Okkk after a bad experience, I fixed my upright bike and did 35 minutes. Nowhere near my usual 90 but I'll take it. I had bad food today. I let myself get talked into something at Aldi I'm always trying to avoid. 390 calories just in that. I got mini rice cakes and generic fiber bars. Those are good food. Either way I ate too many cals, ate bad cals, and didn't exercise enough. Today = not great. Last edited on 7 December 2008 01:15 am by AshIdiot
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 8 December 2008 02:06 am |
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| Today was mostly good. I cleaned, I exercised. I said I wasn't gonna count calories this week as long as I ate only healthy food but I'm a little preoccupied with numbers and guilt I shouldn't even be feeling. I did have one cubic inch of brownie. I don't even miss brownies. Also, I went a little overboard with the mini rice cakes. All of that considered, today's been my best non-perfect day in a very, very long time.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 9 December 2008 12:26 am |
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Today was #%@&!. Who the heck's surprised?
I need to never, ever buy any sort of bar again. Or rice cake. I just can't stop eating them. It's pathetic and ridiculous. I can't find those stupid receipts and I can't stop thinking about how much money mom spent on me this week. I just want to take everything back that's still unopened. I don't feel like I deserve it. Part of me wanted to give up and be fat for the rest of my life today. Ironically, while watching Work Out. Something about pointless lesbian drama just makes me want chicken nuggets. I'm so tired of living here and not having a job. I've done what I can to fix that situation though. It's just not happening right now. And it is frustrating.
Fourth fiber bar of the day. Hopefully that'll punish me for being reckless and be a long-lived reminder of why I'm not supposed to do that. Dinner was a whole can of diced potatoes with calorie-free maple syrup and five chicken tenderloins. Talk about a backslide.
Last edited on 9 December 2008 01:03 am by AshIdiot
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zenobia
Moderator
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Posted: 9 December 2008 02:40 am |
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dude, i'm the same way on bars or any chip cake like thing. man, it just sucks
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 10 December 2008 02:08 am |
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Today was me trying to be good. I had 11 hershey kisses (295 cals). That was my only bad food of the day. Dinner's another can of diced potatoes because I'm restless and moody. When am I not, though?
Trying to resist the pouch of choc chip cookie dough mix I found today while searching for potatoes. We've had a jumbo tube of sugar cookie dough in the fridge for at least ten days, I'm not even tempted. I hate sugar cookies. I have the feeling I'm gonna get mad at something for no reason and end up making the chocolate chip and hiding them in a ziploc in my closet. Oh well.
I missed my little bunny
So. *cough* 7 more kisses and 1/3 bag microwave popcorn later......
It would have been more popcorn but there was a giant hole in the bag. Thank god for that.
Last edited on 10 December 2008 02:49 am by AshIdiot
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 11 December 2008 12:08 am |
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People annoy me so much.
Today I did 30 mins intervals, 30 mins freestyle. Same as usual. Already drank my quart of water by 6 pm. Getting kind of annoyed for no reason.
Edit: I'm thoroughly convinced that SlimFast is merely Carnation Instant Breakfast.
Edit: Wtf....I had cookie dough. That is like. Wow. And I've gained weight. Dude, why wasn't I thinking about my calves and my ankles measuring smaller this Sunday? Why oh whyyyy. I'm throwing the rest away. I only put it in the fridge because deep down I know I'll want more tomorrow.
Last edited on 11 December 2008 05:19 am by AshIdiot
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zenobia
Moderator
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Posted: 11 December 2008 05:37 am |
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AshIdiot wrote: People annoy me so much.
lol- just you wait, chicadee. oh lord, just wait.
Edit: I'm thoroughly convinced that SlimFast is merely Carnation Instant Breakfast.
um- yup... or gas in a can. fact. gross but true.
Edit: Wtf....I had cookie dough. That is like. Wow. And I've gained weight. Dude, why wasn't I thinking about my calves and my ankles measuring smaller this Sunday? Why oh whyyyy. I'm throwing the rest away. I only put it in the fridge because deep down I know I'll want more tomorrow. the first place i see any sort of gain is my calves. water weight, real weight... whatever. it show in the calves. i eat anytihgn with salt. 2.4 seconds later, my calves are 1.89 inches thicker. i'm not even kidding. sucks. a. lot.
on coookie dough- yeah, just toss it. cookies dough is too good to be true. so... "negative ghost rider". good call on nixing it.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 12 December 2008 04:08 am |
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| Salt and butter are my new frenemies.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 13 December 2008 04:18 am |
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It's 11:15 and I haven't had anything not allowed on my diet. Huzzah! I exercised today too. I almost skipped it. I showered and picked up eggs and bananas. I normally don't shower twice a day but I finally decided I'm NOT too tired to workout and I got all that fixed up.
I woke up to a curious sight. A black box on my desk, eh? It's a whole case of Lo-Carb Monster Energy drinks. My mom gets stuff like this free all the time. Heck, I still have half a case of Unbound Energy in my closet. What am I gonna do with all this? I'd sell it on ebay or to online friends but in the winter, it'd just freeze and explode. I don't work right now or I'd sell it to my coworkers. Hmm. I'll figure something out eventually.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 13 December 2008 10:10 pm |
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Tomorrow night's my weigh-in and I'm still hesitating about exercise. I need to get my butt in gear and stop doing this. I haven't had anything bad to eat in a couple days, I'm definitely going to keep that going. Didn't even touch the peanut brittle I made today. I need to get off here and just do my workout already. The sun's setting and I have nothing better to do or watch on tv. Ok. Let's try this.
Edit: Woohoo, exercised. Breakfast was, once again, a parfait and a cappuccino from McDonald's. My mom is in the habit of taking me to fast food after we grocery/clothes shop and today I just rolled with the punches. I wonder why we shop for food so often. I try to get her to stick to her list of essentials but anytime ANYthing is on sale, she has to get it. If it's a 4/$10 sale, she has to get all 4. I don't know why. Maybe I could get a debit card already. Or a credit card to build my credit. I no longer shop on impulse or go for binge food at 11 pm. I think I could handle it. I've been craving chips and salsa so I bought some little mini tostitos (140 cals for 24 chips) which are the best I've found calorie-wise, even considering they're ................ deep-fried. Shoot. That goes against my diet rules. We don't have any baked ones, though. I don't think I have any better alternatives for dipping. I severely doubt caramel rice cakes would work
Edit 2: I got a walmart credit card for starters and I did have some tortilla chips. The salsa is too sweet for my liking. I won't be eating either one so this was just a one-time thing. I can totally live with that. I counted my calories today and they were surprisingly low (aka my original intended target). I wonder what my cals have been all week, hopefully the same. I need to start making weekly grocery lists.
Last edited on 14 December 2008 03:07 am by AshIdiot
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 14 December 2008 07:30 pm |
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A bored and unmotivated Ashley checked her body fat a moment ago. Down 0.7% from last week. 2.7% more to lose by Christmas Eve, lmao yeah right. That's ten days.
Monday was the last time I skipped a workout. Wednesday was my last binge. I think it was, anyway. Sometimes I get too ashamed to write them down.
I've noticed while I'm doing the high-intensity part of my intervals that my thighs jiggle and move a whole lot more. My paranoid, blindly-optimistic mind tells me this is because "the fat is loosening away from the muscle to be burned off more efficiently." Honestly, what am I doing wrong? I think I get plenty of protein, my muscle shouldn't be wasting away. I hate this whole weight-conscious #%@&!. Fat people are everywhere. I should just give up and be one of them instead of trying to fight the tide.
Last edited on 15 December 2008 01:22 am by AshIdiot
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 14 December 2008 08:03 pm |
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| Actually you might be kinda right about the fat on your thighs thing. My guess is that it's not fat that's jiggiling, it's looser skin which means that fat pockets under it are collapsing. You're young, the skin will bounce back. You just have to stick with it.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 December 2008 03:51 am |
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The past few days I've been doing slimfast and a grilled chicken breast for my daily intake. I got all my nutrients but potassium and fiber, off the top of my head. I kinda needed to confess it. I don't know why I'm trying to impress my dad's family at the christmas eve party. I hate every one of them and let's face it: if I put on 20 pounds in the next week, I'd still be the skinniest female there. But I don't want to have that "safety net", I want self-reliance. I don't want to have that excuse. I want to lower and stabilize my weight permanently. It's slow-going because I have mood swings and I'm easily discouraged with no accountability. I hope I get a friggin job soon, I've applied to at least six this month. Maybe if people saw me on a daily basis I'd have more motivation or something. When I worked at the ice cream parlor I had a phrase written down that worked: "Do you want people to think you've worked here for quite some time?" I don't want anyone to assume things about me based on my weight. Up until I was, I believe, 13 I was constantly asked whether I was anorexic. I was just a late bloomer. And I took that for granted. I don't want to take anything else for granted. I don't want to wait until I'm 25 to lose weight. For god's sake, I'm going to be 20 in February and that's hard enough on me. I wasted all of my teenage years being fat. I don't want to do the same thing to my 20s. Now, I've exercised every day for 8 days straight now and it's something I can very easily keep up. When I exercise in the morning like I've started to do, a binge never has the opportunity to discourage me from putting in effort. I've just got to find ways to avoid night eating and the weight should come right off.
I wonder if there was a point to this post at all.
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