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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 5 January 2011 07:57 pm |
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I don't have the same case of the hungries as I did yesterday. I have no idea what I've done all day. I recall watching CSI but six hours of it? Definitely not. Anyway I've been good so far. I do have some online shopping impulses but at least I was looking at low-carb protein bars and not...I don't know, clothes that never fit anyway.
They're cut down the two big trees in our front yard today, I'm pretty heartbroken on behalf of the squirrels. I don't know whether they live in those trees but they spend a lot of time hanging out there waiting for me to feed them under the one by the driveway. Poor little critters.
Ah gee, I opened my desk drawer for some sort of distraction and I found those 25% coupons for Harry & David, in-store or online. I was just debating doing a little shopping since my Bill Me Later account literally won't let me pay until like, February. And when I wanted to shop in December, understandably all the good stuff was sold out...Nah, I'm not gonna do it. The quantity is a little smaller than what I can just buy at the store without shipping costs.
Well, I thought about giving up and eating whatever. But instead of eating pretzel sticks out of the bag, I measured out a handful. Then I made popcorn, thinking I HAD given up. But I lost interest a few bites in so I measured that too and I think I'll put it in single-serving baggies. I also had dessert before I even thought about dinner because I truly wanted the ice cream and now I don't have to think about it anymore. Hopefully my calories will all work out in the end, I still need to exercise though.
Last edited on 5 January 2011 09:50 pm by AshIdiot
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Hiker
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 5 January 2011 10:52 pm |
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Hey Ash, isn't on line shopping a great and horrible thing at the same time? I love to shop online but it is so easy. Especially if I find what I want on Amazon...one quick click and it's done  . Of course that is why the are so accommodating...they are happy to take our money. Be strong....or at least get something really cute. 
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 6 January 2011 12:10 am |
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Well, I didn't buy anything, but I ate two bowls of ice cream and the rest of that popcorn (d'oh!)
I should really go exercise but I just can't find the motivation, and even then I can't think of any good music to listen to. I'll scroll through the library and see if anything good pops up...
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 6 January 2011 05:38 pm |
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| Siiiiiiigh, today has sucked and it's barely 1:30. I'm too exhausted to even type it out, but it involves a lot of anger and cleaning up messes. Right now I just want something good to eat but the sink is backed up for one thing, so no clean dishes means no good food. Maybe tea will help, who knows.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 7 January 2011 09:40 pm |
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| So yesterday I .... don't remember much. I know we made no-bake pb fudge cookies! I had some last night and a few for breakfast today. Then a few more for a snack. And a few more while I cooked 8 chicken nuggets (no fries this time!). What else did I eat today? Like two bran flakes, a fiber bar, some tortilla chips, I really should have written it down. But then I Used To Be Fat came on so I did a few leg exercises and it got me in the groove again, I had some thawed blueberries and an apple. I just wish I always wanted fresh food. I feel cleaner and happier and lighter when I eat this stuff, but sometimes I self-sabotage and I need to cut back on it. I'm looking into some light exercise tapes I can do in my room with minimal space, nothing that would cause a lot of sweating, just something I could do if I was tense or whatever. Did a lot of cleaning today but I haven't /worked out/. I might when this show is over, it's really inspiring.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 8 January 2011 03:53 pm |
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My workout last night was my full weight regime (minus crunches, forgot) plus 24 minutes of upright cycling at...I think resistance level 6. At walmart last night I saw the bike I tried to order from the site, it's $147 before tax and I think it'll suffice. I tried to use mine last night but it is just...tragic. ON THE OTHER HAND. I'm considering putting my upright in its place and seeing if I can just use that all the time. I'll try it for a week, how about that? First I have to make sure I position it right so the monitor gets light on it, it isn't backlit. Can you imagine how cool a back-lit lcd screen would be? If you had a headache you could exercise without any overhead lights on! Dreams, dreams. I can't shake the feeling I'd feel empty and sad without a recumbent though. Last night it felt like something in my head floated away and I was woozy and really needed my back supported to stay lucid. Nothing major, I'm not great at describing symptoms, but the internet tells me it might have been weightlifting-related low blood pressure. I hate situations like this, I never know what to do. Especially since money's involved. Oh, but thus far I HAVE been able to resist buying 10 bags of moose munch for $50...lmao. Harry & David is evil, I tell ya. Those bing cherry chocolates are fantastic.
Today's lunch/dinner will be chicken tenderloins and boiled potatoes cut into chunks with the skins left on. The rest of the family is turning that into chicken-cheese-rice baked casserole and mashed potatoes but I'm hoping to stay on my plan. Breakfast was two eggs and a yogurt and a coffee with soymilk. Really amping up the calcium intake.
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Hiker
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 8 January 2011 06:15 pm |
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| Hey Ash, I like the way you take what the rest of the family is going to eat and make it work for you. Makes a lot of sense to do that.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 8 January 2011 11:58 pm |
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| It didn't really work, I went to walmart to get that bike. So when my sister finally left I went downstairs to assemble it, it took for #%@&!ing EVER, so now I'm all PO'd and don't care what I eat. I wouldn't eat potatoes and veggies that'd sat in the microwave for four hours anyway. So it looks like I'm having chocolate-covered cashews instead. And I'm considering that my workout, having to #%@&!ing lift and tilt and do all that stuff by myself.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 9 January 2011 08:02 pm |
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What a weird day. I start off with a canned slimfast for breakfast, it's not that great. Half an hour later I have a bowl of cheerios. 90 mins after that I have a pb sandwich. Then my mom gets home from whatever she was doing this morning and we make peanut brittle. Why? I don't know. Then we realize my brother's not home and we agree that lunch out sounds really good. But we mostly change our minds.
At this point I feel bloated and fat and start wanting some fresh foods, so I check the grocery ads and see strawberries are only $2 at one store ($5 everywhere else!). I get only good food; berries, pineapple, carbsmart ice cream (LOVE IT), and low-fat nutrigrain waffles. Gas station next for stepdad's cigarettes, I'm looking for that pb pretzel protein bar, no luck, but I find chocolate-covered popcorn. I wish I'd never started eating that stuff. It's not great, I think I'll get rid of the 1 1/2 bags I have left. Give the sweet tarts sucker to my nephew when I see him. The Arby's is already in my stomach. The 3pc chicken strip combo with diet soda has 789 calories which is SO much less than McD's and DQ and with a coupon it's also a lot cheaper. But I won't make a habit of it. The fat content is atrocious.
In summation, it's now 3:50. Back to good food. And possibly my first workout on my new bike! Fingers crossed.
Edit: Worked out, haven't reneged on my good food decision. Yet. I just did 30 minutes of regular cycling, I didn't try any of the new programmed workouts. I was gonna but I was mentally tired and couldn't get into it, and I really wanted to get the feel for the thing first. It needs tightened up here and there but I think I did an okay job. It's super-duper quiet like my upright. The display doesn't take a perfect 30 seconds to scroll through, that might annoy me later on. I hit my knees a few time on the tension knob, I might be able to move it to the other side of the pole. So far it's acceptable.
Last edited on 9 January 2011 11:42 pm by AshIdiot
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 10 January 2011 07:39 pm |
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I lied, I had more popcorn before bed. I had a healthy breakfast this morning, two eggs and six little strawberries and a pineapple ring and a cup of soymilk mixed with a cup of coffee. Snack/lunch was a fiber bar and a yogurt. I really need to vacuum the house but my brother just now woke up so he's playing phone tag with all his friends and I'm considerate, right? I think I'll dust my room manually to save some time, and I already swept the kitchen. Dinner will be fish and a waffle and some leftover mixed veggies. Maybe some of that low-carb ice cream for dessert. Weigh-in wasn't very good today, my Mondays never are. Maybe I should ONLY weigh myself on Thursdays, those are always good days...but then I kind of start slacking and losing accountability. I'll ponder on it for a while, see what I come up with.
Edit: vacuuming got done. Brother's friend came over with the baby, I went 2 1/2 hours without bingeing or being overly angry before I finally snapped. They finally left and I exercised. There are six programmed workouts and I did the third one and the first one. Total 50 minutes, only 368 calories burned. I think these are much more realistic numbers than the one my old recumbent was giving me, for the record, because my speed is about 1 mph slower too. I only used resistance level 2/10 this time, I'll go a little higher each day until I find a comfortable place. As I get more comfortable with working out /period/ I'll get back on the upright to torch some calories.
Last edited on 11 January 2011 03:46 am by AshIdiot
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 11 January 2011 10:39 pm |
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I guess I accomplished a fair amount of things today but I still feel like I did nothing all day. Need to go exercise but what else is new? Thawing fish for dinner. Hardly in the mood for it. Don't have much of an appetite today. But at least I can say it's past 6:30 and I've only had healthy food so far. That hasn't been the case lately.
Edit: ate a lot of produce today and when I do that, it feels like I'm eating an enormous volume of food I don't deserve and I feel guilty. Not the greatest mindset, but my calories are low. 1,016 calories right now and my food groups are pretty much met. I think dessert will be 1/2 c carbmaster vanilla ice cream, I think that has 90 calories in it. Maybe a slice of dry toast to keep my calories above starvation levels. Yeahhh.
Last edited on 12 January 2011 01:49 am by AshIdiot
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 12 January 2011 10:51 pm |
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Didn't accomplish anything today, not really. I'll go do my housework in a minute I guess. I ended up baking a batch of my oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, there was extra dough that didn't fit on the first tray so naturally I ate it. Probably 3/4 cup. I also had about 2 square inches of peanut brittle (the very last of it) and a bag of popcorn with extra butter on top. Can you sense a theme yet? I really want more food but there's very few options in the house so maybe I'll cool it down with the overeating and work out when my stomach settles. Lift weights and maybe that 20 minute programmed workout again, better than nothing.
Edit: After I wrote this I had diced potatoes cooked in light oil with maple syrup on the side. Mmm...and I ate half as many as I wanted, I was gonna pour the rest of the bag in there but instead I just covered the bottom of the pan. Then I brushed my teeth and lifted weights. I used 8 pound weights on the 5 pound exercises with half as many reps and on the others I pushed harder, went faster, or did more. Tried to step it up a notch. Then I did the sixth programmed workout with resistance level 2. Weighed myself before my shower, I was 145.8 for some unknown reason. Tomorrow's my weigh-in, hopefully I can be in the 146s at least. Mom brought home mcdonald's but my teeth are already clean and I hate brushing, so...in the microwave it goes! I'll let my brother have it, especially since our usual stash of nuggets and fries is depleted.
Last edited on 13 January 2011 01:39 am by AshIdiot
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 13 January 2011 08:55 pm |
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Broke over and ate six disgusting undercooked cookies, 4 nuggets, and a small fry from last night that I didn't eat. Really frustrated, headache coming on, SO sick of listening to that #%@&!ing baby crying all the god#%@&!ed time.
Ladies.
Close your GOD #%@&!ED LEGS.
No one wants to listen to that #%@&! or have to smell it or even see it. The only person proud of your despicable vaginal expulsion is YOU.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 14 January 2011 03:38 am |
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After going to the store (got good things and also coffee ice cream and little debbie valentine cakes) I had...a small tray of fries with lawry's and ketchup. And a bowl of ice cream, maybe 1 c at most. And two packs of those cakes, which have a STAGGERING amount of calories (>145 per caaaaaake!). Then water and a diet soda. Worked out, really pushed myself. Added an extra unit of resistance on my old programmed interval thing. Burned 385 calories! Burning the remaining 115 on the new bike was an experience. I cranked the resistance up to 4, telling myself I could do it. And I did, it just took a few minutes longer than anticipated. It's not so much my leg muscles working, although this new bike really hits my hamstrings a lot better, it's more mind over matter. It feels like hiking uphill, it really does. Despite the fact that you can't even SEE the top of the mountain, you have to keep pushing anyway. That sort of thing.
Oh, and one more thing I forgot to mention a few days ago. I got my newly too-big and just-right pants out of the closet and washed them, since hanging there useless for months makes things musty, and now they've shrank and are too tight again! I suppose this is how those people on weight loss shows lose 30 pounds and still wear the same clothes. Oh well, free wardrobe to look forward to...it just won't be a new one...
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 14 January 2011 09:50 pm |
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| Today I cooked up the chicken I thawed, ate half of it and put the other half in the fridge for tomorrow or whoever gets hungry first. When I was pouring the chicken out of the little bag it hit the side of the hot pan so of course it leaked juice all over the rug, which really frustrated me. I just don't like raw meat and things like that, I put it in the laundry room. Out of sight, out of mind. Mom brought home dinner unexpectedly, I got a small order of potato wedges and two giant chicken tenders instead of the usual three and extra potatoes. It's the only bad thing I've had so far today. The calories in it are around 440, nothing I can't burn off. This week's goal is to ditch that "you already screwed up, might as well have x too" thinking so I'm going to have a scrambled egg on a whole wheat english muffin later if I get hungry, maybe with some pineapple. Right now I'm just drinking some hot tea to kind of round out the meal and mentally step away from it. I almost hate weight-lifting nights because estimating calories burned is impossible and I really do like hitting 500 every day. Maybe I'll do the same hard program I did last night with weights afterwards, because history has shown I rarely do it in the opposite order successfully.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 January 2011 09:55 pm |
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Ohhh, I was so sick last night I had to cut my workout short. I'm about 85% better now. I did the rest of the weights and half an hour of steady cycling tonight, that's all I felt the need to do. I have no idea what I've done all day, when the sun goes down my brain automatically shifts into a new day or something. Let's see, I've eaten...coffee and soymilk, three small chicken tenderloins with ketchup, a whole wheat english muffin with peanut butter (z0mg so good), and a mug of hot black tea. Wow, I need to eat more, but I haven't felt great today. I have a bowl of strawberries and bananas cut up for my next mini meal, still kind of full from that english muffin. Everyone else is having porkchops for dinner, I'll probably just have no sugar added canned corn, baked fish, a nutrigrain waffle, and some fresh pineapple rings. If I can possibly eat that much.
I've been feeling and looking noticeably thinner, mostly in the midsection. Hopefully this trend continues.
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Hiker
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 16 January 2011 10:01 pm |
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| Ash, sorry to hear you're not feeling well. You did great to do any exercise when you are feeling under the weather, kudos.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 16 January 2011 10:35 pm |
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| Ahhhhhhhhhh. So frustrated today. Woke up at 7:30 because my parents were talking loudly and the sun was coming up, reflecting off my white door and right into my eyes anyway. I had some tea for breakfast, then a yogurt, half a whole wheat english muffin with peanut butter, a reese's big cup, a single little debbie valentine cake...spread out over the morning. Don't ask why I ate the junk food, I don't know. To get rid of it, maybe. Lunch was tea, a waffle, and three more individual cakes. They're now gone. I was tense, I forget why. Then some blueberries I had thawing on my desk during the whole ordeal. Parents left to go to my nephew's birthday party and I worked out. I ate 637 calories of bad junk and I exceeded that a little bit so I thought "why not burn off my regular 500 calories on top of that?" but I only succeeded in doing 200 of those. Then I had a banana and showered, tried to relax, which was impossible because of course my brother's retarded fag friend was in the next room with his screaming baby. Will someone please, PLEASE, I beg of you, hit the 'reply' button and explain to me why people with children feel so entitled as to just barge into peoples' houses at any given moment without notice and fill the house with the sound of screaming and the smell of a diaper thrown in the small kitchen trashcan rather than the dumpster outside? Oh, my god. Children infuriate me more than anything. So I've been TRYING to ignore it, trying to distract myself, and mostly failing. They did finally leave, for TEN MINUTES. I was halfway through a tangelo when they CAME BACK. I was sooo #%@&!. I swear, if I had more food to binge on, it'd be long gone by the time I wrote this. I really wish I could just have some god#%@&!ed alone time once in a while.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 January 2011 03:43 pm |
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Screwing around on ebay last night, I finally remembered to do something I've been meaning to for about...two years? I found a pair of size 4 American Eagle jeans with detailed measurements. Now I know if I wanna wear those things, I have to have a 32" natural waist, 37" butt, and 22" thighs. I wrote down my super-old measurements from like sophomore year, I was 39" in the butt and 21" in the thighs. Gahh, I remember those days when that was my problem, nowadays it's the opposite. Don't remember if I measured my waistline, I just measured the narrowest part I think. Anyway, I'm just happy now that I have something CONCRETE to work towards. Breakfast was two medium eggs (25 for $2.50, we had to buy them), a low-carb yogurt, and half a cup of soymilk with coffee to fill the mug. So breakfast is acceptable, I'm on track. Brother left so I vacuumed the whole house and swept the kitchen before 11:00 am, very good for me. I'm in efficiency mode, man. Measurements and weigh-in today for the new year challenge. I have no idea what to expect after last night's binge.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 18 January 2011 08:45 pm |
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Lately I've noticed the drive belt on my upright bike slipping, which makes resistance level 10 slip and grind before it finally catches and I don't know if you've experienced that, but it seriously fatigues your legs and you can't really push yourself as efficiently. So I moved on to the recumbent bike to burn a few cals, I think I did 200 something before I gave up, and I set to work fixing the belt. It took me a while to take the screws off because the holes are over an inch deep in black plastic and my screwdriver is pretty stripped. So I get the belt tightened up and I reassemble the casing. See above problem. I'm having huge trouble getting the screws back in and I just break down in a crying fit and say "#%@&! with it". I showered and went back down once I'd calmed down a little and I got the screws in as best I could but my test ride now consists of grinding, on all resistance levels. So I got infuriated again and basically relented completely on my diet and exercise program. I binged like #%@&! and yet before I went to bed, my weight was 148.0 somehow. 147.0 when I woke up today.
I've eaten whatever I wanted today but I set off to Kohl's to buy some Soffe shorts I saw on the website (like, a trillion colors for $10 each) but they didn't have them! Not a single pair. Just a huge, empty rack. When Kohl's was a bust, I went to walmart because in the summer months they have them. But they sure didn't today. I ended up buying junk food, who's surprised? But I also bought fiber bars and carbonated fruit water and new tennis shoes. Shoulda bought a screwdriver, didn't think of it until I wrote this. Hopefully tomorrow everything will go back to normal.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 19 January 2011 01:29 am |
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Two posts in one day? Totally. I got my new Ace of Base album in the mail todayyyyy! So I charged my Zune's battery, synced it, and exercised through the whole thing. It's not very long, 47 minutes long, so I added some extra stuff at the end and did a full hour on my recumbent since I couldn't find the flashlight to fix my upright! That thing was right on the kitchen table like two days ago but of course, now that I need it some little gnome has taken it off to his underground lair for evil purposes. Anyway I did weights afterwards, I'm getting so much better at push-ups. I did 15 before I had to rest, and the last 15 were done in bursts of 3 or 4. They're a lot easier when you do 5 at a time and rest for 10 counts in between sets but I was in a hurry and wanted to really feel my muscles working. This workout was also a good way to break in my new tennis shoes, they're still all stiff which made my balance a lot better at least.
I also checked out my old Livejournal and looked up the first measurements I posted on there. December 28th, 2008 on the left and January 17th 2011 on the right.
Weight: 141.8 147.6
Body fat: 29.4%, 29.3% 31.2%
BMI: 22.4 23.3
Left bicep: 10.75 10.25
Right bicep: 10.5 10.5
Waist: 29.0 28.25
Waist freckle: 36.75 36.5
Butt: 39.5 40.25
Left thigh: 23.25 23.75
Right thigh: 23.5 23.5
Left calf: 14.5 15.5
Right calf: 14.25 14.75
Left ankle: 9.0 9.0
Right ankle: 8.75 8.75
I don't really know what to make of these numbers. Some down, some maintained, some up. It is what it is.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 20 January 2011 10:18 pm |
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| Today I found new batteries for my flashlight so I fixed my upright. Got all excited, worked out, but with two minutes left it started grinding. Again. It also sounded like something was flapping around in there and it just got worse and worse so I said "eff this" and moved on to my recumbent. Stomach started cramping, I'm pretty sure these cashews are tainted. NEVER have a problem with walmart brand, ONLY Planters. I'll never understand it. So anyway I get out of the shower and who walks in the #%@&!ing door, my brother's retarded friends with several grocery bags. Who seriously just barges in someone's house like "OH HI WE'RE GONNA COOK!" Go the #%@&! home and cook there. I'll never understand why the #%@&! these people come here several times a week. Sitting here in my room grinding my teeth and trying so hard not to stab them is a part-time job, I counted the hours and I would get paid $220 a week if there was a payroll for it. I honestly don't even know what to do anymore. It seems like I'm powerless. Unless you guys can think of something I can do, because I am out of ideas on this.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 21 January 2011 11:11 pm |
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Lots to write about today. I'll break it up into chunks. A couple days ago I ordered more pokemon cards (I won't admit how much I spent) from two different ebay sellers and today the first set came. I'm doing that thing again where every penny I spend has to be a calorie burned off for me to 'earn' the item. I'm going to wait until I earn ALL the cards so I can open them all at once, it's more special that way. I've got about five more workouts to go.
Today's workout was 78 minutes, I would have been happy with an hour but I remembered those cards and said "dude, I gotta burn 500 a day" but I got there and was having fun rocking out to my new music so I did 600. Sure, why not. Then when I got out of the shower my mom came home and we went to the grocery. I got whole wheat english muffins, yogurt, nutrigrain waffles, navel oranges, bananas, a PINEAPPLE FOR ONE DOLLAR, diet soda, frozen cauliflower and broccoli mix, and probably some other stuff. I didn't buy anything bad. Stepdad came home today and I got a dark chocolate kit kat bar from him. 215 cals, I think that'll be my dessert tonight because the longer it sits in my drawer, the less willpower I have about it.
Breakfast this morning was a waffle and no-sugar added hot cocoa. Best breakfast ever. The light, nutty, sweet-ish taste of the waffle and the super hot, slightly salty, sweet, steamy hot chocolate...it all combines to something filling and heart-warming and generally awesome. I just felt like writing about it.
When we got home from the store of course my brother's friend was here and with all the recent snow, there was only room for one car lane instead of the usual two, and of course the stepdad was due home any minute! They stayed for over an hour, I was so mad I did dishes. I was hoping he'd get home and yell at the little bastard. But the timing worked out fine, now the family's eating dinner and I'm sitting here I guess. I had scrambled eggs and a giant apple, I'm pretty full. I have 600 calories left though! Ahh.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 22 January 2011 11:47 pm |
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Yesterday I was a good girl, got three stars on the calendar for diet, exercise, and chores. It's been so long since I had a good diet day. 1,360 calories I think. Anyway today I derailed pretty violently and I don't even remember why. Tried AGAIN to fix my bike, AGAIN failed to see a problem that would cause the noise and grinding.
So can you guys recommend routines that I can do indoors that burn a lot of calories? I have a set of stairs and dumbbells in my workout area I can use, but I am really getting mad about these stupid machines that constantly break and give me nothing but grief. It's also a pretty low ceiling, depending on whether I'm standing under an air duct it's 6 feet to 6'4" which doesn't give me a lot of room for jumping. I can do jumping jacks but I can't put my arms straight up or jumprope, obviously. I don't want to completely give up on exercise but it seems like exercising is so much more trouble than its worth.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 24 January 2011 07:39 pm |
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Binged yesterday, the past few days have been nothing but mini marshmallows and buttered toast. Oh, but that bread was truly divine...I think it was Schwebel's harvest wheat, there's some honey flavor in there that goes amazingly with land o'lakes butter. ANYWAY. Back to healthy food! I say that every morning. But it's 3:28 pm and I'm still okay. Got my big coffee by my side. Been drinking extra water to help my horrid skin and lips. New Year's challenge weigh-in wasn't great but it wasn't heartbreaking either.
One thing is that my mom's been sick with the flu or something the past...it feels like two weeks, maybe longer. And my stepdad woke up with it this morning and called off work. But they didn't have any scheduled work for him yet, so it worked out fine, he can check back in tomorrow. He wants to retire at the end of NEXT WEEK! :OOO I won't know how to adjust! Maybe he'll take advantage of a stable home life and buckle down on his diet, giving me more options at mealtimes.
I'm not sure what's gotten into me but last night I couldn't sleep knowing I had things to do around the house so at midnight I was washing and cutting up my stepdad's fruits and vegetables for the road since my mom was sick and didn't do it. I knew if I left it to be done tomorrow, she'd have a huge pity party for herself and really, I just felt like preventing it. I had to clean out the dish drying rack first, it was a mess. Threw away last week's ads and the expired coupons, organized the new ones into separate clear plastic bags. Changed my sheets and pillowcase, shook the fur off my blanket. I did other things but can't remember what. Then this morning the cat threw up so I had to leap out of bed to catch it in a plastic bag, and I figured since I was up I ought to get some work done. I swept the kitchen, gathered a lot of trash, swept the snow off the front and back porch, fed the squirrels, did dishes, cut up my pineapple. I've just been really busy I guess. Hopefully I burned off a couple hundred extra calories. I was thinking of planning, prepping and/or cooking dinner. But no idea what to make...
I'm actually starting to worry that I'm developing anxiety and/or ocd to cope with the massive shift my life is about to have. Better not! That's the last thing I need.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 26 January 2011 02:47 am |
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Stepdad stayed home again, still no work for him anyway, maybe tomorrow. Who knows. It doesn't really bother me but I would like to get my vacuuming done.
Today's diet was fine until like, 6 pm. Then I got sad because I was out of a lot of things and didn't have a lot of options. I had french toast again and some dark chocolate, probably something else. Did dishes, chugged a soda to TRY to get some energy. Didn't work. Forced myself downstairs to exercise but halfway through my weights routine my effing headphone cord got caught on a 10 pound dumbbell and just clean tore in half. I was SOOOO MADDDD I cried for like five minutes, while continuing my routine. It would have been funny to watch if it wasn't me, probably. So I went to walmart to buy another pair (thank jeebus they're only $4.88) and some other things I needed. Including ice cream. I got B&J's "everything but the..." which is SO GOOD. I ate it super slow and I could really, really taste the chocolate and vanilla in the base which I normally can't. Then it has pb cups, heath bar chunks, chocolate covered almonds, and white chocolate chunks in it. It is SO delicious. I probably ate less than half a cup, I really savored it. More for later!  I don't know whether to count today as an exercise day or not. I meant to do 20 miles of intervals but I know for a fact I canNOT do them without music. Nothing to listen to but the sound of my own breathing and my shoelaces flapping...oh god, it's the equivalent of agoraphobic panic. Which I have a small amount of, besides. I already did crunches and pushups earlier today because I was bored so those bases are covered. Other stuff happened today that made me mad but I'm just going to let go of it and move on. I'm still really exhausted.
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AshIdiot
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Posted: 26 January 2011 08:08 pm |
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Feeling sad and lonely and rejected today so I thought I'd screw around on amazon mp3 finding some new music to buy. Wouldn't you know it, my new headphones have terrible sound. They're the exact same kind I've bought the last three times and the other two worked. I've just been having one of those weeks where it feels like the world's conspiring to make me miserable. AND IT'S SUCCEEDING, TOO  Ohhh, what to do? No music, no movies on the computer, nothing is on cable, no bootlegged online videos (sound/video don't sync up, it's very noticeable and distracting and ENRAGING). And of course my stupid upright bike is still broken and I just don't even want to work out on the recumbent because it barely burns any calories at all. Not that I can stand to workout without music anyway. I really wish I had bought more ice cream...
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AshIdiot
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Posted: 27 January 2011 03:45 am |
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My mood never really improved today, about ten minutes after my last post those jackasses came over again. Ughhh. It just makes me so mad that he lays around our house, sleeping in my brother's bed watching tv basically, while his girlfriend works ALL day to support him and their daughter and he isn't even LOOKING for a job. Well, he sure as #%@&! ain't gonna find one in my house. That's for sure.
But anyway, enough about that, I dug out my old headphones that only work in the right ear and figured it was better than nothing. I did most of my weights (half my usual pushups, half my squats) but I added five reps to everything I did do. Then I did one mile as fast as I could at resistance level 5 on the recumbent. It took 2:55, I'll keep working on it and post my progress. The whole time my heart was fluttering but my legs felt good. I love showering after lifting weights, my whole body is firmed up and when I put on lotion I don't feel like I'm slathering marinade on a slab of beef anymore. Sure, the feeling is gone by morning when I reapply, but it's so fun while it lasts. I've totally slacked on my stretching, I've probably only done it four times since I started. Sometimes it makes me super light-headed and anything that causes that can't be good...not sure what I'm doing wrong!
Oh, and today was a good eating day up until 7 pm when I had buttered toast and 2/3 cup milk chocolate chips. Maybe something else, but I doubt it, I was SUPER mad and couldn't even eat my toast for about 20 minutes after I made it. At least my binges are getting smaller. Thank god for that. Brushed my teeth at 9, finally got the motivation to lift weights at around 10:50 when I was watching I Used To Be Fat. Blah. Hopefully tomorrow is better in every single aspect.
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AshIdiot
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Posted: 27 January 2011 05:28 pm |
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Woke up several times this morning, finally crawled out of bed around 10. Nothing on tv, got on the computer. Did all my catching-up, then did a lot of cleaning. Didn't eat until noon. Weight-in today if I don't forget.
Stepdad officially retired, they were overly complicating things for him so he left a week ahead of schedule. I want to make a nice dinner or take everyone out, money's not really THAT much of a problem for me (I'm a hoarder and a doomsday kind of person, so I overexaggerate my poverty at times) but there's always the possibility that Dumbass will come over and fudge up my plans. It seems like every time I plan to do something, someone shows up and wrecks it. If they know I'm paying for it they'll probably order cheap stuff they don't want, maybe I could slip my card to the server when they get our doggy bags or something. I just really love Texas Roadhouse. Their fries and chicken are soooo indescribably amazing.
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Nancy_in_GA
Moderator
| Joined: | 8 January 2009 |
| Location: | NE, Georgia USA |
| Posts: | 1863 |
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Posted: 27 January 2011 07:04 pm |
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AshIdiot wrote: Stepdad officially retired, they were overly complicating things for him so he left a week ahead of schedule. I want to make a nice dinner or take everyone out, ....
Aww Ash, that's nice of you. I knew you were really just a softy at heart.
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AshIdiot
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Posted: 28 January 2011 01:03 am |
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| So. Freaking. Edgy.
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AshIdiot
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Posted: 28 January 2011 07:35 pm |
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Okay, for dinner we had potatoes and veggies and pork tenderloin instead. Whatever, maybe we'll go out another time. I suggested buying the food at the grocery store last night since it'd be cheaper than going out but mom said they're having all their friends get together at their...drinking club, whatever you'd categorize it as. Country dance hall thing. Either way, I do have some confessions.
Yesterday I probably ate like 5,000 calories. At the store I personally got tortilla chips, super-butter popcorn, apples, granola bars, other stuff I don't remember because my mom still has the receipt. Then we went to the dollar store so I could stock up on emergency binge food. I got honey roasted peanuts, a 6 pack of almond hershey bars, strawberry poptarts, zebra cakes...Oh, it was awful. I had a lot of flashbacks to when my problem was really out of control. I'm going to try to dig in my nails and cling to sanity though. Try to exercise every day (didn't last night, though). My coping methods now are pretty much self-grooming like exfoliating and painting my nails and stuff. Watching stand-up comedy on Netflix. I really hope I don't go insane and break my HW of 154.8. 149.4 right now, gonna try my hardest to not even touch the 150s.
Oh! Gee, I keep forgetting. I told myself to start eating navel oranges and celery when I'm angry in place of comfort food because it's very physical, and physical exertion is half the battle sometimes. Plus, it's very low-cal stuff.
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AshIdiot
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Posted: 29 January 2011 06:37 pm |
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146.6 right now. I DO feel light, too. I think maybe I do have a fast metabolism because not a lot of food gets deposited on my body, it seems. I consistently lose 3-4 pounds if I can go a couple days without binge eating and yesterday was a perfect day.
Brother is in Columbus at a cousin's house so it's just the three of us tonight, parents are getting that four cheeseburgers and four fries deal for $5 at McD's and I'm on the website now trying to find something filling to order that doesn't cost an exorbitant amount ($4 for a god#%@&!ed grilled chicken sandwich, yeah right!). It's reeeally hard for me to order at restaurants since I don't eat condiments, red meat, or cheese...basically my options are fried chicken nuggets or strips. So when I'm dieting, even those options go away. I feel so stupid paying a dollar for a fruit & yogurt parfait when I have the ingredients right at home to make my own. I'll just have eggs and a baked potato cooked at home, I guess.
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AshIdiot
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Posted: 30 January 2011 01:34 am |
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| Binged :/ And inexplicably too afraid to work out after dark. Better luck tomorrow?! :[ I need to just work out when I first wake up instead of laying around reading without even absorbing anything. OH! Idea! I'll go steal my brother's heavier dumbbells and only do half my normal reps. No cardio, but weights are better than nothing. World ending = delayed.
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Hiker
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Posted: 30 January 2011 10:19 pm |
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Ash, good for you going to get those dumbbells, you are so right, anything is better than nothing. I find morning exercise is the best for me too. I have to push myself out of bed but once I do and I finish I get to feel good the rest of the day because I've finished  . I use that thought to push me out of the nice warm bed and for me it works.
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AshIdiot
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Posted: 31 January 2011 01:37 am |
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Been a little hormonal and anxious lately so I've decided to use a more low-pressure system of monitoring my food intake. Today I just wrote everything down, I didn't write down the time or neurotically measure it. I did overeat, but it was controlled and wasn't a binge. I had a small bowl of cookies and cream ice cream, a single zebra cake, and a hershey bar. Then I went to exercise. I did 13.2 miles in 40 minutes. I managed to get the pedal off my upright bike so I could remove the panels. I can't make heads or tails of the problem. If I tighten these certain screws too much, the pedals don't move. If they're too loose, they come off when you pedal. If you put them exactly in the middle, then slightly tighter, then slightly looser, it still grinds. It's like there's nothing I can do to satisfy the beast. I'm sure there's a metaphor in here somewhere but for right now I just wish the stupid thing was fixed so I could go back to burning a LOT of calories! God, I only burned 270 in my workout today. On my upright, I could have burned 510 in the same amount of time.
On a related topic, today I pushed myself to do one mile as fast as I could on the resistance 6 setting. Last time I did level 5 in 2:55, today I did level 6 in 2:53. Even after I thought my lungs had collapsed and I had to stop for a while. Interesting, isn't it? Of course I'm exaggerating but I literally felt like I couldn't fill my lungs and leaning backward didn't help much. Anyway it wasn't very demanding of my leg muscles so I think I can move up to doing 1 mile of 4, then 5, then 6. Today it was 3-4-5. Last week it was 2-3-4. I wonder what life will be like when I finally hit 9...
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AshIdiot
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Posted: 31 January 2011 07:22 pm |
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| Every one of my measurements went up, except my weight and body fat somehow. God, what a damper on my already-dismal day. Why do I even get out of bed?
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AshIdiot
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Posted: 1 February 2011 10:19 pm |
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| Well, two weeks until my birthday. According to the New Year challenge, I'd like to weigh 139.8 on that day...well, I weighed 147.0 when I woke up. 4.2 pounds down anyway, better than gaining like I usually do. I've been reading Saving Fish From Drowning by Amy Tan and I remember yesterday or the day before thinking "oh god I'm not even halfway through, how long is this going to take?" and now I have like 85 pages left. Ha! I love that, when you look down and realize you've accomplished a lot more than you thought. Same with the monitor on my bikes. Speaking of which, I should go work out...
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AshIdiot
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Posted: 2 February 2011 06:32 pm |
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So, today, how was my day. I finished my book and picked out the next one. Ate reasonably. Did my chores, dishes, sweeping, etc. In my workout today I changed the resistance every minute rather than every mile or half-mile. 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 today. Finally started doing seven. It's laborious but it's easier than yesterday when I started with a freshly-laundered sports bra and...like everything else in our laundry, it shrank and I could barely breathe. I dreaaam of a day when I can put it on the middle notch comfortably. So I did that method for half an hour, then ten minutes of level 3 to burn a few extra calories and to calm my body down. I really didn't burn a lot today, even with all that work, only 268. It's discouraging but I still feel a lot lighter. Stomach is flatter. I've even noticed a marked weight loss in the groin area. I don't know how many women keep track of things like that, but when you do and notice a difference you feel like you're heading in the right direction.
Took the time to write out a list of things I can do other than bingeing when angry. Distraction methods have never, ever worked with me so the list consists of things like chomping on celery, peeling oranges, vacuuming, scrubbing dishes, sweeping the floors and sidewalks, bicep curls with the cat litter container, and exfoliating my enormous amount of dead skin. Outlets for the pent-up energy.
Last edited on 3 February 2011 03:07 am by AshIdiot
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AshIdiot
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Posted: 3 February 2011 11:50 pm |
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My gray basketball shorts are definitely getting too big on me. They were already loose, and my other clothes don't fit differently, pretty reasonable. I've been debating buying myself a box of truffles for my birthday since I have a 25% off coupon, which essentially translates to free shipping. I think I'll just get a cheap box in the store. Grocery tomorrow, I'm out of most of my staples. Haven't eaten much today, about 850 cals so far. Did one hour of cycling at resistance level 2, just enjoying the music and the alone time. 454 calories this time, much better, and 22 miles when I was aiming for 21.33. Haven't done today's chores yet, which is just vacuuming my room, maybe after I watch this last CSI episode I have queued up. Kind of in a pinch for cash so I sold a tv boxed set on ebay, it sold for such a ridiculously low price. From now on I'm using a reserve, I honestly don't care if the bidders don't like them. The guy hasn't paid yet, I'm hoping he doesn't so I can relist it and ask for more this time. I was hoping for about 5x what I got for it I have bad luck on ebay, when will I ever learn?
Made oatmeal in the microwave today, I sure wish the canister had warned me that it boils over very easily. Whatever, fewer calories without even trying. Dinner will be scrambled eggs, broccoli, and cauliflower if I ever get around to it.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 5 February 2011 12:33 am |
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#%@&!ing nauseous with a bad headache, I'm just so sick of putting up with these people on a daily basis. How much longer is this going to go on? Fifteen #%@&!ing years? God, I wish that fag would just get a job so he wouldn't have any time to spend here anymore. PS I ate four pieces of toast, I really don't care.
Edit: duuuuude. I weighed my usual pat of butter on the scale, it's only 9 grams. A serving size is 14 grams, with 45 calories therein. So my usual amount of butter is only 29 calories. And a slice of bread is 60 in most cases. So, from now on, I could have two slices of buttered toast as my 200 cal cheat food/dessert. Good to know. Here I was assuming the worst, like I always do, thinking I was using maybe 30% more than the recommended portion. So I'm relieved. Also, my weight was 144.8 a minute ago. 10 solid pounds under my highest weight. And in the lighter half of the 140s! Hence, I'm motivated again. And I only had 1,283 calories today even with FOUR pieces of toast. And since the majority of the fat is unsaturated, I'll even count today as a successful diet day. Although I didn't exercise.
Last edited on 5 February 2011 02:34 am by AshIdiot
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AshIdiot
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Posted: 6 February 2011 01:14 am |
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Today sucked. And here's why!
I exercised this morning, wanting to get it out of the way. I got halfway through weights and my parents return from the d/bmv (way earlier than expected) and my mom says she can take me errand-ing. So we go to the recycling center and the post office. I'm kind of hot, tired, irritated, and perpetually worried about money. Mostly because I only got 1/3 of the money I wanted for the item I sold on ebay. Whatever, it's in the past, out of my hands. We get home, I'm like 5 minutes away from finishing my entire workout, and I skip to the next song on my mp3 player. It freezes. No biggie, it happens. It...is still frozen a minute later. So I restart it. And then it says the most terrifying words in the portable media world: emptying contents. WHAT ON EARTH. I could have lived with that. I really could. I finished my workout in silence. But when I looked down at the thing, it said "failed; contact support." Okay, maybe someone on the zune forums can help me. No, I have to ship it back to the factory for repairs. Okay, I'm furious, but I can live with that. Everything I touch turns to pure fecal matter and it really starts feeling like the entire universe hates the idea of me getting in shape. I can borrow my brother's walkman until it's fixed, not a big deal. I spend all morning filling out the form repeatedly and every single time it says "we encountered an error while filing your report, check back later and try again" or some BS. I can't send it in until I register the mp3 player online and they send me a factory-addressed mailer. So basically now I'm just...mad. I'm exhausted mentally. I don't really want to fight the world anymore. I want to completely give up! All this stress has zapped my appetite.
Maybe I'll take this opportunity to catch up on my reading My current goal is three chapters per day of Point of Impact by Stephen Hunter.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 7 February 2011 12:22 am |
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| Laid around all day eating whatever. Because I'm baaaad. Don't feel much like exercising, I'm weak and jittery from too much sugar. I'd like to say I'll exercise tomorrow but that's not realistic. I don't want to backslide into that "haven't exercised in weeks, why start now?" mode. Don't get me wrong. But...! I have an idea. I can put my mom's laptop downstairs and do an exercise video from Netflix...It could work.
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AshIdiot
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 7 February 2011 10:32 pm |
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Today was Monday, aka cleaning day. Read in the morning. Other than that I have no idea where the time went. I watched baaaarely any tv. I watched what I ate until like 5:55 pm when I had a bowl of ice cream. I didn't measure it but I weighed it, did the math, and it's 334 calories. I could still be under my limit for the day, since dinner is fish tonight. Fish, y u so delishis and low in calories? It's Flounderrrrrrrrrrrr, too, my favorite. 5 fillets for $4, which sounds super pricey, but I've paid $7 for the same amount before. Fish always goes well with veggies so maybe I'll get at least two servings today instead of the usual 0. Baby carrots for sure. And a baked potato. Since the only ones left are very small.
Didn't work out. No one's acting surprised. I suppose I could go lift weights before I shower tonight, since I did around 1 today after vacuuming. Housework is exhausting, sweaty, thankless work. I actually feel guilty for not working out, that video I found last night is soooo up my alley. It's twenty minutes of lower body then 20 of upper, both with dumbbells. I can dooooo that. Suuuuure can. Maybe I will after dinner, my mom is usually understanding about my lifestyle so long as it doesn't exceed an hour a day.
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AshIdiot
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Posted: 12 February 2011 02:34 am |
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Yay, I'm officially fat again!
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AshIdiot
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Posted: 12 March 2011 02:05 am |
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Well, it's been a month. I've been gaining a few pounds. Maybe 7 at most. I just can't get over how FAT I look from the back! I know I'm no prize from the front, but...dang!
 
But it's okay. I worked out tonight, the first time since...February 5th. Wow. I lifted weights, and I intended to do one mile on my bike but I forgot about it until I was in the shower. I plan on doing 12 miles tomorrow morning while my mom's upstairs doing taxes. I still don't have an mp3 player. Did I tell you that story? Yeah, kind of. It died, I didn't want to send it back to the factory and get it fixed for $160. So I have it in a drawer right now, collecting dust, and I ordered a different one. It was horrible, worst thing ever. Worse than an ipod. So I sent it back and they just received it today, can't wait for that credit to hit my account. Not sure what I'm gonna do until then.
I see I also mentioned fish in one of my last posts. Yesterday it was a dollar for a bag of pollock. Approximately five fillets, you know the type. Should have gotten more but we were using my mom's money since we just ran in for a couple things. Ran into that guy I probably mentioned on here, he gave me his number. I'll have to call him so he has mine I guess. I hate phones, I wish we could just email. Anyhow. I had a $2 off coupon for a bag of millstone coffee and I thought "well okay, they have a lot of flavors to pick from." It was $8.50 something at the store but it had a peel-off $1 coupon so I got it for $5 something. It'll last me months, I don't feel bad about the price. I got caramel truffle! It is so good with my usual fixings.
So I guess that's my update. I won't post as much as I used to but I felt bad about letting this thing go neglected entirely.
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