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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 21 February 2008 07:20 am |
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185.2#
Thanks for checking in MM. I am becoming impatient. I'm ready for this weight to be gone but not forgotten. I'm being so good, I guess I thought it would leave overnight. I haven't walked in a few days. My back has been hurting. I overdid things cleaning out the pool and painting. I love to buy old things and paint them. I bought a heavy wooden chair and tomorrow, if I can still walk and it's not raining, I'm going to paint it red to go in my sewing room. The wrought iron furniture is next.
Back to the weight business. All I know to do is to keep doing what I'm doing. I didn't get here overnight and won't get back to the old me overnight. I figure by the time the weight is gone I'll be all rested up and lonely and ready to go back to work.
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 21 February 2008 01:33 pm |
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Beth wrote:
Back to the weight business. All I know to do is to keep doing what I'm doing. I didn't get here overnight and won't get back to the old me overnight.
So true. Thinking back, I put on the weight steadily since about 1995 - 13 years / 84 lbs! Your impatience though is sign of something good. It means that you have really committed the goal and you believe that you WILL get there!
Have a great day Beth! 
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hoofprints
Senior Member
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Posted: 21 February 2008 06:07 pm |
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| Beth, Keep plugging away. Sometimes the scale gets stuck for a week or so and then "poof" the scale gods shine on you and a bunch melts off. Try drinking lots of water for a couple days...that often kick starts my body again.
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 23 February 2008 01:41 am |
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184.2#
I'm not really happy with my choice of foods today. Started the day off ok but ended up running around too long and not eating lunch at home. That seems to be a key. Eat a planned lunch on time. Anyway, went to Walmart and bought a roasted chicken which was quick to eat but not very good. I've gotten spoiled by eating really good, healthy food. I almost got chicken livers but managed to get away before I self-destructed. I love them! And I was starving!
I ate a piece of chocolate candy at a meeting and came home and ate a piece of pizza. I also got hungary and ate fat free chocolate pudding. Again, t his is as a result of not planning for today, just blowing in the wind and ending up starving. Even if I don't gain back the weight, this stuff just isn't healthy.
Managed to stay within my calorie range, but on the high end. I will get back on track tomorrow. The good news is I didn't binge on the pizza or on the chocolate. I figure if I don't eat any more for 7 weeks, I'll be ok.
Plan is to plan healthy meals and get home or somewhere to eat them. Stay away from junk. Remember everyone else got the fluand I didn't and I lost weight doing the right things. I want to keep it that way.
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 23 February 2008 02:08 pm |
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Hey Girl,
Good morning to ya! Happy Saturday. I know what you mean about 'blowing in the wind" my biggest risk are times when we don't have a plan. But you stayed in your range, not a blowout. Congrats on limiting the  that's exactly what you want to do.
It's 9AM and I have no excuses for not getting a good workout today. Are you feeling up to doing some walking today? The SUN is out here, that makes me sooooo happy. If only the snow and ice would finish melting so that we could safely take a nice outside walk with the dogs. Have a good day.
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 23 February 2008 02:25 pm |
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184.2# No change
Whew! I'm glad yesterday is over and I have a new clean slate. Got the ingredients yesterday to make Indian food today. Indian food is so delightful and all the recipes I've seen look low fat/low cal. Indian food prep will be a new adventure. I'm not a great cook, but I am a good cook. My grandmother taught me how to cook Southern food. Fried, fried, fried. Bacon grease in everything. Rich desserts, rich everything. Oh Lord, how I love butter! Anyway, I've always felt like I didn't cook good food if it wasn't rich Southern food. I'm hoping the Indian will take low cal up a notch.
Yes, MM, I feel like walking some. I'll do it on my treadmill FIRST, before I take off running today. Thanks for the suggestion. I wasn't leaning that way until I read your post! You said you wished the snow would go. I haven't seen a real snow here in Jackson in years! The last time it really snowed was about 13 years ago. It was about 2 feet deep. The next day the temp was around 60 degrees and poof! It was gone. What we have to deal with is incredible heat. This winter was so mild, I never even lit the fireplace. Global warming has arrived in Mississippi.
May we all have a good Saturday, be good to ourselves and to those we love , and do the right things!
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 24 February 2008 02:20 pm |
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184.2
No change in weight. I've been eating too much at the top end of my daily allowance. Need to get back down to around 1200 calories. Will do this by getting back into the fruit and getting back out of the nuts and raisins.
The good news is I've found some food I love that is low fat/low cal. Indian food! This stuff is absolutely marvelous. Made chicken and broccoli salad yesterday with Mango chutney. I added some raisins and more chutney and the stuff was wonderful. Too bad I chose to graze through the cooking process and ate too many cashews and raisins on the side. I also ate two granola bars which I could have lived without. Today I'll try to substitute strawberries for the granola. The further away I can stay from grains, the better.
The crave demon got ahold of my hubby last night. He had to have some K-Fried Chicken with pizza for dessert. I managed to stay out of it and ate my chicken and broccoli leftovers. Hubby told me last night he knew he was losing weight because he can now get his blue jeans off without undoing them. I notice his khaki's are looking baggy. My little diabetic heart patient is coming along!
Lunch today is chicken thighs with a yogurt/curry/other stuff marinade. It's been marinading all night so the outcome should be interesting.
Life to me is one giant lab experiment. I love trying new things. My back is feeling better, so the plan is to start working out this week. I guess I'll get my books down and spend some time trying to figure out the pseudo Bowflex. I need a pill to make me want to exercise. I'm surprised the pharmaceutical companies haven't come up with one. They have a pill for most everything else... Only half of me wants to be good...
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 24 February 2008 05:38 pm |
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Good for you on trying the Indian food - something new and tasty. L hasn't been too adventurous with cooking healthy the past 2 weeks. I think its the stress we are both under, making us worry about other things and no so much what we eat. Chicken-tortilla wraps for dinner tonight though, which is pretty healthy and very easy.
I am so glad J has lost some weight too! L is not dealing with the reality very well that he should be doing everything possible to trim down before his surgery in 6 weeks. Alas.
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 25 February 2008 12:07 pm |
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182.8
The scale gods have smiled. I thought I was eating too much because I was getting too close to the max per day calories. Maybe I should keep doing it!!!
Gotta get my booty moving today and work on the weight machine. I noticed last night the edge of my upper arms that hangs down is looking flabby. This is not acceptable!
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abnormalapathy
Senior Member
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Posted: 25 February 2008 08:12 pm |
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| I have such a hard time getting the proper form for any of the exercises that work the triceps, but probably the easiest for me is a row. Give it a try.
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 26 February 2008 02:24 pm |
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182# The scale gods are good!
I never thought I'd be losing this weight. I was so worried about eating too much and wow, more weight is gone. Gotta get off the butt and start with the exercise. I'm just lazy. I don't suppose anyone just loves stopping everything and doing exercise. Once I get started, I feel good and wonder why I dreaded it so much.
If anyone reads this, please share how you make yourself "do right." I'm open for suggestions!
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 26 February 2008 02:41 pm |
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Hi Beth,
I struggled with workout motivation in the beginning. What worked for me were
1. When I knew I should go workout but didn't feel like it, I went and put my workout socks and shoes on. That automatically moved me into more of an 'action mode' and moving from that point to actually getting on the treadmill was easier. A two-step process. : )
2. 2nd, once I established patterns of the time of day I was going to work out and how much time/distance/effort I intended to work out, it wasn't such a huge cloud hanging out there. Now I know that I will come home from work, and if its early enough I will jump on the treadmill before dinner. If its later, I will work out about an hour after dinner. On the weekends, I get up have coffee and breakfast early and relax...then workout starting around 10:30 or 11 for an hour. It has made an immense difference having a routine. I look forward to it now, and feel funny when I miss.
Hope this helps!!
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 26 February 2008 08:03 pm |
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Another plus for all my lifestyle changes, Hubby has lost 10 lbs. Since he is very high risk (heart attack survivor and diabetic) I am especially thankful.
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 26 February 2008 11:12 pm |
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Beth wrote: Another plus for all my lifestyle changes, Hubby has lost 10 lbs. Since he is very high risk (heart attack survivor and diabetic) I am especially thankful.
I am SO glad to hear it Beth. That's heartwarming news, I know how much that means to you as well as to Joe.
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 27 February 2008 02:16 pm |
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184.2
I thought I weighed in at 182 yesterday, so I'm a little disappointed. I haven't exceeded my calorie count or anything. I wonder if I just wanted to weigh 182. I guess I'll keep on keeping on.
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 28 February 2008 01:29 am |
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I was going to say its just water, don't sweat it....but on second thought, SWEAT IT!
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 28 February 2008 01:37 pm |
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183.8
I don't think I imagined the 182. However, it didn't last but a day. Did manage to walk on the treadmill yesterday for 30minutes (MOG) Miracle of God and got my little free weights upstairs from down in the garage. The key seems to be to do the exercise early before I poop out and find 1,000 things to do instead.
Talked to my old college roommate last night. I hope to get with her soon for lunch or something. I'm coming out of this shell I've been living in.
Today I will continue with my plan and be thankful I'm not having to endure medical procedures and recuperation time like poor Nir. I can imagine the added stress I'd feel if I had to take trains to get to the hospital and back home. I am hoping my health efforts will keep me out of the doctors' offices and hospitals as I age. I don't plan to go down gracefully...
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Theresa
Senior Member
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Posted: 29 February 2008 10:05 am |
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You just keep on keeping on Beth! I have also been battling for the last few weeks but I know that it will come right and that I cannot be impatient but must just try and focus and note where I eat wrong and try an correct it a little more each day.  
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 29 February 2008 11:59 am |
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184
Weight is bobbing. Oh well. I wish there was a magic pill to make it go away instantly and not leave any loose skin! So far the skin looks ok, like it is going down with the weight.
My sleep has been so strange with hubby on the night shift. I sleep in shifts and his CPAP has been driving me crazy. He smashes his face against the pillow and it sounds like an air compressor. Yesterday I went and bought a white noise machine and tried to find a CPAP pillow with cutouts where the hose and mask go. Couldn't find the pillow so I just cut one out of a regular size memory foam pillow. I guess all is working, as I slept from about 2:00 a.m. until 6:30 with no wake ups.
Maybe getting more sleep will help with the weight loss and with having the energy to go up and exercise. I have been dragging this week! Hopefully Joe can get off the night shift soon. It's just not working for us. I wonder if it works for anyone. I seem to always feel like I'm in a fog. It is not natural!!!!
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 29 February 2008 12:25 pm |
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After a week of feeling tired and hungry... , a pat on the back to me.
I went to CVS yesterday to buy toothpaste, etc. It was about 4:00 pm dangerously close to my daily crash and burn time. I got so hungry and started looking at all that candy and junk food. There are aisles and aisles junk food. I couldn't think of anything healthy in that place to buy for a snack. I swear, I was getting ravenous and close to losing control. I finally was able to think clearly enough to just pay for my items and walk out. I realized that within 30 minutes I could be home in my safe food zone. Once I got out of the place, I was ok and so thankful I was able to leave. Got home and ate dinner and was still hungry. I wanted junk food. Ate 2:00 a.m., I still wanted junk food. I looked at my calorie counter and saw there was no room for anymore food for Thursday, so I didn't eat anymore. M&M's are not my friends.
From now on when I leave home, I'll just have to take a healthy snack. I don't want to lose it again. Late afternoon may always be crash and burn time for me. Planning is so very important to my weight loss. I can't get lazy and not plan for healthy meals and snacks. M&M's are not my friends.
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 1 March 2008 01:46 am |
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Congratulations on excercising your self control in CVS AND in the middle of the night. Cravings are so difficult. And in the middle of the night, one's resistance is usually at an ebb so you did really great!!
You know, the sleep issue sounds like one of your biggest challenges. I really hope that the foam pillow arrangment works. I had trouble sleeping quite a bit the past couple of years. During the difficult times L's snoring would disturb me and I spent a lot of nights on the couch.
You made me realize that I've been consistently sleeping well now that I work out regularly. If my mind is racing I take a small amount of Xanax that just helps me relax a little. I hope you have a restful weekend! Keep up the strong efforts!
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zenobia
Moderator
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Posted: 1 March 2008 04:26 am |
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for sleeping, i know that benedryl is highly recommended. it helps you fall asleep and stay assleep and you don't feel groggy if you get at least 6 hours. it's non-addictive and doesn't screw with your liver or kidneys or anything. it's actually recommended by pharmacists... my mom's husband snores somehting awful and she usues it, making sure to get to bed before he does and she can usually sleep right through 9and she is the lightest sleeper EVER).
congrats on the NSV (non-scale victory) at CVS, too!!
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 1 March 2008 12:27 pm |
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183.8
The new pillow and white noise machine are wonderful. I've been sleeping so well. It's amazing what you can do with space foam and an electric knife.
Got some scary news yesterday. Hubby has been saying his bronchitis felt just like congestive heart failure. He went to the Dr. yesterday and they are going to do a heart cath Wednesday. This is really scary stuff, since he was so ill about 6 years ago. They don't think it's congestive this time. I don't know what they think. Joe says he doesn't know what they think. He says it's just precautionary because they haven't done a cath in so many years. Anyway, Joe lives on heart pills and I'm at the other end of the spectrum. I'm into self-healing, vitamins and aromatherapy. Going to the Dr. is the a last resort for me. Hearing the words hospital, cath, echo, etc., = terror for me. They put him on Plavix, which is scary as #%@&! to me. The good news is all of the non-invasive tests they ran came out ok. If you're reading, please keep us in your prayers. I almost lost him once. We're both scared.
Back to the daily grind... We went to Sam's after the Dr. Joe had the nerve to ask me what I thought about frozen steak fingers. This man is not stupid. I looked at him and told him I couldn't believe after he'd just found out he was having another heart cath that he would even consider eating a #%@&! fried frozen steak finger. As far as I'm concerned, he might as well be eating his own fingers. Talk about living in denial!!!!
We ate lunch at Jason's Deli. They have a wonderful salad bar. I tried to stay low fat with the dressing and all. I actually felt like I'd probably broken the bank with hidden calories. However, the scale gods show a slight loss. It's hard to track calories at a food bar when nothing is posted. Anyway, I suppose all went well. I better give some thought to eating at a hospital this week. I can always take some lunch and keep it in my car in that little lunch thing we have. Yes, that is what I'll do. I can still have my nice crunchy red delicious apples and cootie-free lemon wedges in my water.
Whatever else I might be, I am always a survivor. I guess this is good. I've outlived most of those I love. Have spent too many years grieving their passing. I'm praying this is just another bump in the road. I'm not up to losing Joe, too. If he even mentions another steak finger, I might just grow fangs right in front of him. I've got to remain strong in my own convictions, too. It is death and stress that I usually let drive me to cigarettes, cokes, and M&M's. I think I am better prepared for this round. It is still scary.
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 1 March 2008 01:42 pm |
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Beth, I will be keeping you and Joe in my thoughts and sending you strength. Sending positive, caring thoughts and energy your way. Please do keep us posted.
I can relate to everything you posted about Joe and the steak fingers...and the denial...and the fangs. Just a big hug here and hoping that with your 'encouragement' and example he will continue to lose weight and experience personal moments of clarity that will motivate him to make changes.
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Patchers
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 1 March 2008 09:50 pm |
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Hi Beth,
I was getting caught up with your diary and will most certainly keep you and hubby in my prayers. As someone who has worked at a hospital I would like to try and reassure you that a cardiac cath is basically a routine test anymore.
Also as someone who eats at a hospital on a regular basis I encourage you to pack a lunch. You just can't trust those cafeteria choices. I wish you and hubby the very best.
Patchers
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 2 March 2008 12:25 pm |
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185
Patchers and MM, thanks so much. I guess I'm wallowing in self-pity and fear. Well, when that's where you are, that's where you are.
I'm up to 185 (+1.2) and I stayed on program. Maybe it's fluid. I ate an apple loaded with salt late last night. I just love apples loaded with salt. I suppose that old apple and salt was better than a cigarette, a coke, and some M&M's. Will not do that today.
I felt like I didn't get any sleep last night. This is partly due to sleeping in my usual shifts and not getting back to sleep after Joe came to bed and partially due to Sissy, my little Malti/Shihzu deciding she needed some company early this morning. She doesn't weigh but about 9 lbs and when she wants me to get up, she licks me. If that doesn't work she just stands on me. Oh well, she and Little Bit are my children. Little Bit is old and she sleeps until at least noon every day. My doggies have a great life! They have us well trained!
Joe's decided he's going to work tonight and tomorrow night and will take off the rest of the week for the fun and frolic. Joe having to miss so much work at a new job is another stresser. I told him last night if he's really sick, he could come home and take care of us and I'll go back to work. He said if we did that he wouldn't feel very manly. I asked him if he just needed to feel manly. He said it helped. He will be 62 in two years and could retire.
The problem is we HAVE to have health insurance. Health care in this country is a huge problem for middle class people. For some reason, if you are poor or if you can make your assets look like you're poor, the government will provide you with food, clothing, shelter, and health care. If you're middle class, you have to work your whole life to pay the taxes to provide the system abusers with free food, clothing, shelter, and health care and if we lose our little jobs, there is no help for us. We're just the worker bees. Our little caste system is infuriating. The rich and the poor get relief. The middle class gets grief. Enough said. I promised myself I wouldn't get any more stressed today
Our really special friend is Joe's Cardiologist's nurse. She indicated they hoped this would be something that could be treated with drugs. It could also be that Joe's triple bypass is deteriorating and they may have to put in a stint. Although his echo came out ok, there is a 1 in 10 chance the echo was a false positive. In other words, even though the tests came out ok, Joe has complained of too many symptoms of heart problems. The only way now to find out what's going on is the cath.
I don't mean to beat a dead horse here, but we are now living in a mini nightmare as a partial result of my husband's poor diet and lack of exercise. I understand there is no way to overcome the genetics at this point in history. We can only affect the lifestyle component of heart disease (and all disease.) I am more and more convinced that every choice we make in our lifestyle affects our health every day. Every bite I put in my mouth counts and so does every step I take on the treadmill and every weight I lift. Every negative thought counts. I will continue to work on my end toward my good health. I lived in denial for too many years and that my come back to hurt us in my health. I can't be judgemental, just aware. Just aware enough to continue with the positive changes I've made in my life.
Maybe I can walk and catch up on some projects to keep my mind off things. The weather here is hot and muggy. It is spring in Mississippi. Mamaw's buttercups are blooming. She's been gone 3 years now. I think her legacy is her beautiful daffodils that pop up every spring.
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 2 March 2008 12:36 pm |
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| Note to the file re the 1.2 lb weight gain. Surely this is fluid. I was just looking at my tummy last night and thinking it was getting flatter and the skin wasn't getting droopy. Surely this is fluid retention! Please scale gods, let this be fluid retention.
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 2 March 2008 01:00 pm |
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Wow. I wondered where these cute little things were coming from!
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 2 March 2008 10:05 pm |
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Just listening, nodding, and sending a big hug your way today.
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 3 March 2008 12:49 pm |
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183.8
Back down to the above. I guess it was fluid.
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 4 March 2008 02:58 pm |
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183
Healthy eating is becoming my lifestyle. It just takes time to undo the wreckage of the past.
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 4 March 2008 10:32 pm |
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Dear Beth,
My prayers with you and Joe for tomorrow's test.
I know how frustrating it is! My hubs found out he had high cholesterol 4 years ago. He watched his diet and dropped it about 30-40 points. Then he avoided the Dr. but not the cookies and bar, chips............and last month he went back to the dr. and found out it was now higher than it had ever been. His Dr. gave him a prescription for Zocor, but he hasn't filled it yet. He doesn't want to start that...........but he's having a hard time "eating right". I am having a very hard time getting him to understand that he has to learn for himself, what healthy eating is! He needs to know the fat content, the calories, or the high fiber (that he also needs so he doesn't develop more polyps-thank the Lord those removed a few weeks ago were not cancerous!)
We can't do it for them, Beth............and it is very frustrating when they don't want to learn to do it for themselves. We just have to keep praying that the light will go on before it's too late. I think my hubs "light" is about the brightness of a child's  nightlight! Hopefully, for my hubs and yours, that light will someday shine like the sun ...........and they will both be eating healthy, and will be healthy! 
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 4 March 2008 10:54 pm |
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| Hisgal, thanks for stopping by. You are right - we couldn't do it for them unless we could put them in a cell with a small slot for a food tray. Even then, we couldn't make them exercise! I can't be too judgemental. I've often said only half of me wants to be good. It's hard enough to do it for myself and I somewhat have control of me. I still don't want to exercise.
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Theresa
Senior Member
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Posted: 5 March 2008 10:05 am |
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I can see that it's not the easiest time for you in your life at the moment, but you are doing brilliantly by taking control of what you can. It will only make your life better as well. Hang in there and remember we are all rooting for you and the hubby! 
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 5 March 2008 12:24 pm |
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182.8
Thanks Theresa and Hisgal for the moral support. We need it! I guess we will know something late this afternoon. The cath is scheduled for about 3:00.
I'm taking apples, blueberries and a sandwich to the hospital. I just don't think I can eat cafeteria food. Hopefully I'll have enough wits about me to stop on the way and get some bottled water. I doubt I'll get 8 glasses down today. Surprisingly enough, I've been drinking about 9-10 glasses a day.
Gotta run.
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 5 March 2008 03:21 pm |
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Hi Beth,
I've been keeping you and the hubs in my prayers all day yesterday and this morning. Will be waiting for an update...........hopefully good news from his cath.
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hoofprints
Senior Member
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Posted: 5 March 2008 05:38 pm |
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I'm waiting for the good news too! My thoughts are with you.
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 5 March 2008 11:11 pm |
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Hubby's Wakeup Call #4 - Will He Hear It????
The cath went fine. Hubby had a triple bypass 6 years ago and they may have to go in and do a stint in one spot, but they're not sure it will help things. Dear hubby was told point blank he needs to lose weight and exercise. Dr. is putting him in cardiac rehab and he is balking a little. He doesn't like to exercise. He likes to play on the computer, etc, etc. My little computer nerd can either exercise and lose weight or die. It's simple. I plan to be on his butt more than ever. Maybe he will see the light by himself as he gets into rehab. He had the nerve to ask me to go and get Krystals for him and I just told him #%@&! no.
The good news is he can live a long time and have a good life if he'll do what it takes. Isn't that what we're all trying to do here?
Thanks so much for caring. I've gotta run back to the hospital. They're keeping him overnight because they had to use lots of dye. He'll be home tomorrow, thank God. I am truly thankful.
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 5 March 2008 11:30 pm |
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Beth,
So glad to hear the cath went well...........but maybe it's a good thing that the Dr. laid it on the line???? If there are serious problems, it's time he faced it!
My hubs didn't pay attention to his cholesterol until the Dr. actually wrote the prescription...........then he decided it was serious enough to do something about it!
MEN! (Sorry guys  )
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 6 March 2008 01:40 am |
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Beth,
I am so glad that today's outcome is pretty good news!
I so hope that Joe gets the gravity of this situation...and chooses the path to health. I am sending you strength.
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 6 March 2008 12:51 pm |
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182.6
I think I solved the mystery of weighing 182 last week for two days. I think the batteries in the scales needed changing, duh. This morning for an instant I weighed 180. Boy was I happy. Then I weighed again to double check and it was 182.6. Oh well... Things aren't moving at light speed, but my rings are falling off. That is certainly a good sign!
I had said I was going to get off my butt and exercise first thing before I leave the house every day. It won't happen today. I've got to go and get Joe from the hospital and decided to write in my diary first. I guess this should be first. It anchors my day. When I write in my diary, it's like I give my subconscious a priority list. Yes, the diary must be first while I come to every morning. Then walk on the treadmill, etc. Then go and play at the thrift shops.
I love to junk at the thrift shops. My poor house is beginning to look like a store display. I'm probably addicted. No probably about it. Now I must figure out a way to feel as passionate about exercising. Perhaps thinking of it as insurance against having a heart attack would be a good incentive. Yep, that is the incentive for me as well as for Joe. Denial is such a mysterious phenomena. "Do as I say, not as I do!" The rules apply to everyone but me!?
I thank God today for my good health and for moments of clarity. I haven't been much of a praying woman, but I've been praying this week. I felt a spiritual connection. It was nice, with a feeling of peace. I want to further explore this connection. It's different this time. Not bad for such a skeptic. I always wondered why some people have such faith and why I couldn't seem to "get it." Could it be that it is just so simple and I've tried to make it so complicated... Maybe it's not at all about religious dogma, which has turned me off so much over the years. Interesting...
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 7 March 2008 12:36 pm |
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182.6
Thanks again MM, Hisgal, Theresa, and Hoofie.
We didn't really have a wonderful day yesterday. I am sick with some sort of respiratory infection and I don't feel like dealing with any bs. I won't listen to or take part in any more bs about Joe's health, either. I've had enough. I think after we've fought over it for two days and after he's talked to the doctor, he will do the right thing. If he doesn't do the right thing, he can continue his suicide mission without me. He started whining about did I really think he could control heart disease. I told #%@&! yes and that I resented the #%@&! out of him for not doing his part to control it. Then he started telling me all the things I don't do to help my health. I finally told him if he wanted to see the drain on our emotions and finances due to neglecting health, just look at the #%@&! hospital bill when it comes in. It'll be in black and white. I swear, it's like dealing with a #%@&! alcohloic. Then he started whining about working the night shift. I told him so what! I worked for years while he was laid up with open heart surgery, etc. It's not my fault he has to work to pay for health insurance for all his #%@&! diseases he won't tend to. Jeez Louise...
I didn't take care of me very well yesterday.  I got in a hurry to get to the hospital and didn't eat breakfast. Bad move. I was starving by 11:00 and went to the cafeteria and couldn't find anything healthy to eat but turnip greans. I ate them, but it was like I'd not eaten anything. Got mad at Joe and left and went to the health food store and got some Tabouleh and a round loaf of fresh bread. Bread is a big trigger for me and I drove around feeling sorry for myself and ate almost the whole loaf. Lord only knows how many calories I consumed. Bad combination - having access to a loaf of fresh bread and being in "poor Beth" mode. Joe was finally discharged, so I went and picked him up and we went to the drugstore to get his meds. I finally decided to leave what little was left of the bread in the Walgreens garbage can. I would have finished it off had I not just disposed of it. Moral of today's experience.
1. Don't neglect my needs to take care of someone else. I'm just as important as everyone else. God didn't appoint me to be the world's babysitter.
2. Don't leave the house without something portable to eat and to drink.
3. Don't play the I can do it this time and it will be ok game with myself. No, I can't do it this time. I may never be able to stop the triggers. Until then, I must avoid them!
Jeez...I'm like dealing with a #%@&! alcoholic!
Hopefully today will be a better day. Will try to do my part.
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hoofprints
Senior Member
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Posted: 7 March 2008 01:37 pm |
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Put yesterday behind you as a learning experience, don't beat yourself up...today is a new day.
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 7 March 2008 01:43 pm |
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| Thanks, Hoofie. We do need to learn from our mistakes and move on.
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 7 March 2008 01:55 pm |
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Beth wrote: 1. Don't neglect my needs to take care of someone else. I'm just as important as everyone else. God didn't appoint me to be the world's babysitter.
Amen Sistah. This was the realization (epiphany) I had when I wrote my first diary entry on cph. It's hard to turn off that impulse to take care of everyone else, though.
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 7 March 2008 02:39 pm |
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Beth,
So glad to see you talking to God about this............and referring to Him in your diary. He just waits patiently for us to realize we can't handle it all ourselves, and to turn to Him for help! He'll get you through this..........just ask! Then say "Thanks, Lord!"
You are both kind of scared right now, I'd say! Try to turn to each other, not against each other...........use this time to make your lives better, healthier. It's the perfect time to make permanent changes! It's not easy, but it needs to be done. I know....the hubs and I are going through it right now too. His health issues aren't as severe as your hubs are, but if he doesn't make the changes and make them permanent, he will be the one in the hospital having a cardiac cath!
There's such a fine line between nagging and loving supportive suggestions! I am finding that out daily!
I"m a praying woman............and I'm praying for both of you!
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 7 March 2008 02:53 pm |
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Thanks Hisgal. Yep. I am a NAG. I have come to the conclusion that I must back off. I have to constantly remind myself that the only person I can control is myself and that is only sometimes.
Thanks for the gentle reminder. Do you suppose the Higher Power sent me this message through you? I always said I wanted a fax from him. Perhaps he has resorted to email!
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 7 March 2008 08:59 pm |
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Beth,
I never question the way God works! He's creative  He uses who and what He can!
I read your comment in Nir's diary................I almost ordered Trudeau's book once, after I saw the infomercial. Then I googled it online.............WAS THAT AN EYE OPENER! Try it sometime! Funny, but I just read something in one of my health magazines about what a crock his stuff is. They don't recommend it!
I have eaten the ETL way several times, though not now for a while. I felt very good when I did! So energized! And my cholesterol and triglycerides and good cholesterol did amazing things! Ask Peter  about his cholesterol! Now I'm going more with Peter's attitude, of an ETL influence...........and using that with my hubs. Our veggie servings are never single (which irritates the hubs), but I make 3-5 servings each and I fill his plate!
If nothing else, that book will definitely get your hubs thinking. I got my hubs to read parts.........that's when he decided maybe he needed to re-think fruits and veggies........and his lack of consumption thereof!
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Beth
Senior Member
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