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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 3 May 2008 12:51 pm |
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Sounds like things are getting a little back to normal if L's back in the kitchen doing his thing.
I'm so glad you two are having a nice weekend. ENJOY!
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 3 May 2008 01:04 pm |
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It's good to see you again Zen!
This one's 'for the birds'
Well a lie-in didn't happen this morning, but I don't mind too much as it gives me some nice quiet time and makes my Saturday morning even better. I've made my Starbucks and can sit here and write for a while. 
I am sitting in the den at the back of the house. Our house is Western facing, which means that the den faces the sunrise. And the sun has decided to make an appearance this morning. We have some excessively tall scraggly pine trees behind the house, so the sun shines through the branches and makes dappled patterns on the thin curtains and through to the carpet and walls and couch. There is the tiniest of breezes and the pines branches are lightly swaying to and fro, so it is not unlike a disco-ball effect of light in the den right this minute. [Peter, where is the disco-ball emoticon? LOL]
The city isn't awake yet so there isn't much backround traffic noise. The birds are chirping and singing away. We chose a city neighborhood with a substantial # of trees and quite a bit of green space, but I am particularly happy to have a backyard with 5 mature tall trees. There is a virtual symphony right now which I am the only person alive sharing in, chirping and crackling and whistling, and oh - I should just make a recording its not something I can describe in words. 
I don't know much about birds, but we get a variety of them. I love the cardinal pair which comes back every spring and likes to hang out on the english ivy in the back of the yard. They are so pretty, and I am always amazed that they come back to the exact same spot, one little fence full of english ivy in a city full of asphalt and concrete and buildings. They showed up in the past week and I was so glad. I wonder how long cardinals live, they must be getting up there.
For some reason, this entry has me reminiscing about our bird experiences of 10 years living in this house. One time, a big "thunk!" whacked the glass on the back of the house and we went outside to discover a most bizarre chunky bird with orange markings and a long needle-like we'd never seen before. It stunned itself and was just lying there recovering. It turned out to be an "American Woodcock Snipe", some kind of wild pheasant? which must have been really lost. Luckily, he was fine in about half an hour. I'll come back and add pictures if I can figure out how Nir does it.
Once a baby grackle fell out of its nest and being the animal lovers we are L and I had to do something to try to save it. We researched on the internet what kind of bird it was and what we were supposed to do. We couldn't get it back into its nest which was 35 feet up in a pine tree. So built an artificial nest with a tupperware container nailed up on the tree as high as we could reach. Momma grackle seemed to 'get it' and she would go get water and come down and feed it to her baby. We watched that Momma try so hard for several days and were excited that we were able to help. But the little one eventually succumbed a few days later. I don't think Momma could keep up with the two nests.
I never know where this journal will lead. I think I am going to go make egg-and-toast for brekkie (Sorry Beth) and take my coffee out in the lovely, bird-filled, sunny backyard for a while, and let my bare feet get dirty. Waking up early on Saturday has its privileges. 
Last edited on 3 May 2008 02:57 pm by mollymoo24
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hoofprints
Senior Member
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Posted: 3 May 2008 01:54 pm |
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Saturday morning coffee with the birds sounds awesome and may be a bit of the re-charge you need. Looking after L has taken it's toll on you. I can sure see it over the last few weeks, less exercise, just a general "drained" tone to your posts and a few sick days. It sounds like you need a nice break and some idle time for you. Enjoy the sun and the birds this morning.
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vgreet
Senior Member
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Posted: 3 May 2008 06:17 pm |
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Saturday-a day of rest.
Sounds like you got a great start. Keep that relaxing tone up for the rest of the day. You deserve it!
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 4 May 2008 05:21 am |
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Wow, I know I in the back of my mind I was planning to let loose a little today, but I underestimated my ability to really consume a massive amount of calories. I am surprised my body hasn't spontaneously combusted or something. My estimate is 3168. That includes 1000 calories of margaritas. That's like 1/2 a pound right back on in 1 day.
We'll see how I feel about it tomorrow after my body has had a chance to process. I feel like I need to work out a LOT and make up for it, just on principle. However, I don't think I've burned off 1000+ calories in a day before. I'd have to walk for something like 4 hours and that's not going to happen. Ah well, I don't give a hoot right now. It was fun, we got to see our friends and start enjoying a sense of normalcy to life.
L told me tonight he has selected Ireland as the destination for his "cancer victory" trip which I promised him a couple of months ago. We are thinking early September. That will give us something to look forward to and plan for. Since we were just there a year ago, the planning will be pretty easy I think. Fun! We loved Ireland.
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 4 May 2008 10:34 pm |
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The Joys (and Pains) of Planting
What a gorgeous day. I have no idea how many calories I burned, but I just got finished with a day of gardening. Headed to the garden center at 10:30, back with some flowers/plants and topsoil around 11:15. Its now 5:15 and the most I possibly took for breaks and lunch is an hour. So 5 hours of activity. Maybe not aerobics, but good solid effort. I've put down topsoil and grass seed patch; planted 2 beds of flowers and 4 pots; weeded; got the hoses and sprinklers all set up; and watered.
My shoulders and back muscles are groaning, but I am very happy that I had this time and got to play in the dirt. The gerberas are such a happy flower they always make me smile. Things have been so crazy with my job I think its been a couple years since I had time to put in annuals.
I'll figure out the cals burned and post more later...
1172IN. The estimates for gardening are high, it seems to me, on the various calculators I've looked at. Using a somewhat lower figure I am coming up with 1129 burned. I am not convinced that my gardening was vigorous enough to have burned that much. Maybe I'll say 800 or so. I'm going for a hot shower and then will see if I can talk L into going for a walk.
Last edited on 4 May 2008 11:46 pm by mollymoo24
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 5 May 2008 11:44 am |
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| Isn't it interesting that after all these years we're still like little girls making "mud pies?" There is something absolutely healing for me about playing in the dirt.
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Theresa
Senior Member
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Posted: 5 May 2008 11:53 am |
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Poor little birdie! At least he was ok. And such a pretty little birdie!  Don't stress too much about the one day of overdoing it on the calories. It came and then went and you can just continue to do as well as you had before.   Unfortunately alcohol just has so many calories in it that I barely drink anymore. It's just way to many wasted calories.  And I just love my wine now and then 
Talking of birdies: We had three little "Laksmannetjies" the Afrikaans name, I haven't a clue as to the English name? If directly translated it's Executioner, the man who hangs you? Anyway they are such pretty little birds and they made a nest in one of our trees in the garden.
Three of them permanently worked together. One watching the nest, one getting food and one keeping watch. Unfortunately we have tons of crows here and they kept trying to get the eggs of the little birds on a daily basis. These little birds would all charge the crow together and managed to keep him away for days on end. Unfortunately the crow managed to hurt one of the little ones so bad and because there were only two left they were not strong enough to fight him off and he got the eggs.
My heart was so so sore  and I kept thinking I would love to have a pellet gun and shoot the crow. I was so angry with the daft bird. I just had to remind myself that that is nature, harsh and cruel at times. Uganda has some beautiful bird life as well as the ugliest of birds as well, eg. Maribu Stork. This bird is so ugly and such a pest but it is so protected that you can get jailed for killing them here.
Last edited on 5 May 2008 12:05 pm by Theresa
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 5 May 2008 01:06 pm |
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Theresa, I googled Maribu Stork and while it's not 'pretty', it is impressive when you see the wings fully extended in flight. I couldn't find the Laksmannetjies. Perhaps the internet doesn't speak much Afrikaans just yet.
I have the day off work today in order to go to the urologist with L. It's middday and downtown which screws up the day a little, but once its over I can do whatever I want for the rest of the day. It's going to be nice out.  Decisions, decisions. I really should get out for an hour walk/jog because I see it has been over a week since I have had a regular workout. I am going to see if L will want to go to Navy Pier for a spell. I was thinking that having a firepit tonight would be an enjoyable end to a 3-day weekend.
I can't help dreading what the work tormentor's doing to undermine me today when I am not there. He was a real pr*ck on Friday. I suppose I will find out tomorrow!
Today is the final Spring Fling weigh-in and also the starting weight for Peter's Challenge. The scale was unfavorable yesterday AM so I am predicting 1/2 to 1 lb gain, we'll see. I'd be happy with maintaining for the week. Looking back, I only had 1 big calorie day, but I also didn't work out hardly at all. Pat you are right, I really have fallen off the exercise program. OK, I PROMISE myself that I will get in 1 hour of workout (walking, jogging, and/or video) today. Thanks for the reality check, I appreciate it...and you did it so nicely.
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 6 May 2008 12:41 am |
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158 1.5 lb gain versus last week's weigh-in. I know its mostly water from eating salty rubbish but not a strong way to end the Spring Fling. I am disappointed in myself. I could have done better. I've lost momentum with the workouts and need to get that back if I want to see results.
Speaking of which, OMG am I sore all over today from gardening. It's crimping my workout intentions a little. L and I walked 2.5 miles today over to and on Navy Pier after the urologist. Not the intensity of workout I was planning to accomplish but at least we both got out and got moving. It was a gorgeous day and we ended up taking a boat ride up the river. Very nice.
1234 IN including more salty foods. There should be a deer emoticon because I am becoming a human salt lick. 
ETA: Here's the pig emoticon  and the cow emoticon  because I went grazing and finished the day at 1794. Geez, where did my self-control go? Is it on vacation? I am rebelling? Am I am just feeling so happy about L's recovery that I am letting loose?
Last edited on 6 May 2008 11:48 am by mollymoo24
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 6 May 2008 08:37 pm |
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Mol,
Sorry I've been kind of MIA lately. I was busy with my daughter's visit this weekend. It was soooooo good to see her.
I just loved your post about the Saturday morning coffee and the birds and sounds. It reminded me of the beautiful sound of birds singing, that I hear each morning when I get up. I don't even have the windows open, and I can hear them out there. It's so peaceful. My hubs built a bird-feeder holder, that is directly in front of our big bow window. We can sit in our recliners in the living room, and watch all kinds of birds come to eat. Amazes me how much food they can put away!
So glad to hear that L's improving Do the Dr.'s think that it will just all gradually come back, without any treatment?
You've certainly had a crazy month or so.............so take time to hear the birds and sip the coffee, and get your sanity back. Sometimes life gets so crazy, and we get so stressed.............I hate that  I wish we could start out every morning sipping coffee and listening to the birds! Maybe in retirement????
Hang in there, Mol!
Last edited on 6 May 2008 08:39 pm by Hisgal
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 7 May 2008 03:02 am |
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Molly Rides the SeeSaw
610 IN, 3 miles walking with a bit o jogging mixed in. Such a good girl today. Normally I don't condone days this low, but those grazing cals last night can just kindof rollover into today and even things out.
It felt good getting out under my own motor power again. I am struggling with my lungs, which start painfully heaving and give out way before the rest of me when I jog. Don't know if this is just part of getting used to running outside (being harder than the treadmill) or if its all the pollen or maybe I'm never going to have good lung capacity because I was a casual smoker for too long. But it stinks when it burns so badly like that. Advice/thoughts welcome folks!
I had a haircut and a massage tonight after work. I am a little worried about my inability to focus my thoughts. Usually during a massage I can manage to leave my outside cares outside the spa and can enjoy the experience more fully. Today I kept drifting back to all my problems at work. It's too #%@&! expensive ($142+$30 tip) for a 80 minute hot stone massage to spend it worrying about work. I should charge it to the company. I can't even get my to-do list together, there are so many simultaneous colliding priorities right now and new projects dropping in like mini-bombs all the time. Somehow I know it will get done, not according to my standards though, and that makes me not feel too good.
It was an interesting haircut! The salon/spa is at the mall and has exterior facing windows. About halfway through my cut there was a huge SMASH of metal in the hallway, followed by the sound of crashing glass. The stylist and I craned our heads around to see what it was and saw a man grabbing the emergency firehose and running for the mall exit. We turned to the windows facing the parking lot and there were big clouds of smoke going by the window. Oh my gosh! A car must be on fire in the lot! Oh my gosh! I hope its not next to MY car. We run to the windows. Nope, cars are OK. Oh! - the Ruby Tuesday's restaurant next door (across the hallway) is on fire! Flames going 10 feet in the air. I looked at my stylist and said, "I am getting out of this mall, NOW". We alerted the desk staff and several other patrons and then got out. Once we were outside, we could see that it was just the bushes in front on fire, and they caught and burned the awnings on the restaurant while we watched. Apparently started by a stray cigarette - I hope they caught whoever did it on the mall surveillance video. If the fire department would have been another minute later, I am pretty sure the building would have caught. And then tonight I'd be sitting here with 1/2 a haircut.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Upc560fOiRE Chili Peppers anyone?
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 7 May 2008 03:32 am |
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Addendum
Yesterday during our lovely time on Navy Pier L and I had a talk. We talked about my rain check birthday and next year when I turn 40 whether we will have a party. And I said the best present for me would be for him to get healthy and lose 80 pounds. I finally said to him in plain English "You've had some health issues that weren't your fault. But there are things you CAN control, like heart disease and cholesterol. I don't want to be alone, I want to grow old together. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be healthy." It wasn't a threat, its just how I feel. i've given up 2 years of my life dealing with his health care issues. Now its really up to him.
Today he walked for 1/2 hour on the treadmill and tonight he made turkey italian sausage for dinner. Then he slipped and ran out to Dairy Queen for ice cream about 9:30PM. I 'just said no' and he went on his own. No one is perfect. I just hope he keeps working at it. He needs to get a weight loss buddy...and a journal.
I am doing it with or without him, and I hope he comes along. I know my friend Beth can relate to this post.
L's current weight 341 - down from 359 before the surgery.
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 7 May 2008 11:23 am |
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Good for you for being heard! It is up to L. He's got some decisions to make. The good thing about what's happened to Joe is he's now seeing the physical benefit. Last night he put on what I call his godfather ring. It had gotten too tight for him to wear. I could tell it made him happy. Then he went for Krystal burgers and didn't walk. I'll be back on his butt today about the walking. Only 1/3 of him wants to be good.
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 7 May 2008 04:41 pm |
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I hear you, Beth and Mol! 4 years ago when my hubs was diagnosed with high cholesterol, I told him I could live very nicely off his life insurance money........but I'd rather live to old age with HIM! It worked for a while...........he lost weight, and watched what he ate. Now we are back at square one again.......but this time he's making much better choices than last time. I hope he sticks with it!
It's hard to watch them do that to themselves..........but we can't do it for them. It's ultimately their choice..........just as it is ours!
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 8 May 2008 12:24 am |
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1191 IN (so far), Workout: 2.9 miles walking w/a little jogging. Lungs laboring about the same, legs a little more tired, probably due to 2nd day in a row.
I got home earlier from work tonight, having successfully exited the office at 3:30PM. [Yay, that's the ticket!] It was great to come home and be able to go outside and exercise during full light. Last night it was getting darker and I had to adjust the route to safer streets. I hate getting in to the office so early in the morning, but it does have some benefits. Seeing as it just started pouring here, I got lucky.
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hoofprints
Senior Member
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Posted: 8 May 2008 01:23 am |
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oh my I leave you for a few days, and you light fires, cover yourself in hot stones, and have heart to hearts with your husband....holy crow It's hard to keep up with you.
Cheers
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 9 May 2008 02:32 am |
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Hey Hoofie, I can't keep up with me either.
812IN. Workout: 2.9 Miles, jogged a mile in .25 mile increments. Breathing a little easier today, I tried to slow down jogging pace. I looked at some heart rate monitors last night on the internet and want to go check them out in person as soon as a I get chance. When I am on the TM here, I have a chest band that works with the integrated monitor on the TM. But I have nothing for use on the streets to see if I am pushing too hard. Its hard to tell how fast/far I am going, although I think my estimate is pretty good based on the time spent, plus I did mostly North/South tonight which I can use Chicago's grid to measure: 4 blocks = 1/2 mile. I just have a harder time telling my speed.
My Name is Forrest...
Well, I've just come back from jogging /walking and although I am supposed to get started on a project my boss needs by Noon tomorrow, I've got to write for a bit.
Tonight I didn't want to stop working out. I didn't want it to end. I didn't want to come back home and face this work, everything about my job, its overwhelming. I just wanted to keep running away from it, I felt like I wanted to be like Forrest Gump and keep running and running and running...toward what, I don't know, just away...
The trigger for this was another attack by my tormentor. If it wasn't for the money coming at the end of the year, I would leave simply to save what little sanity I have left. Why oh why can't I "just make the best deal I can for today"; accept that my authority has been trumped by the evil one and move on for the next 8 months? If I want to continue this fight, I should devote all my time and energy to make a fair fight of it, and I don't have that left, my reserves are gone, I am running on empty, I can't take any more.
OK I am going to make myself a deal here. I am going to go get balanced. I am going to go enjoy my shower. Then I am going to come here and post something positive that happened today (I'm sure I can think of something). Then I will pet my dogs and talk to my husband. Then I will read the mail.
Then I will decide whether to stay up late for work or just get up at 3AM instead.
****************************************************************
ETA: OK, that shower was nice for an attitude adjustment and refreshment.
Something positive that happened today (lets shoot for a few):
I put my own needs (a jog) ahead of going to a Civic Association meeting. I did want to go to the meeting, but it wasn't essential. I was totally stressed out and I am pleased that I recognized this and put my own well being first.
My husband did laundry!!!!! 3 loads!!!! He can't bring the basket upstairs but he can wash. Good thing too because I was not keeping up!
I just made the decision to NOT stay up all night and to only get up at 5:30AM tomorrow. I need to force myself to get this project done in 2.5 hours between 6:30 and 9AM at the office tomorrow before my meetings. Period. The rest of tonight until I go to bed (which won't be long now) is going to be ME time.
I spent time today connecting with 2 people at work on a personal relationship level. That may sound weird to some, but for me I am so focused on work that it takes extra effort for me to stop and really talk with someone. Its good to talk to people.
I had a good calorie count, DON'T have the munchies, and got in nearly 3 miles.
The President of the company passed me in the hallway then stopped complimented me on my weight loss and told me I look great and asked me how I was doing it. I was proud to be able to say "I'm exercising!".
Scale at 155, back where it should be.
Well, that's a start anyway. Gonna go pet my dogs now. Already talked to L and he went off to see a movie. [Iron Man - I have no idea]. I am going to try to have a positive day tomorrow. Gnight all.
Last edited on 9 May 2008 03:29 am by mollymoo24
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zenobia
Moderator
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Posted: 9 May 2008 03:45 am |
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i love it that you took the time to find something(s) positive about your day; i think that is so absolutely essential to finding balance in your life. it sort of let's one "get a grip". and the fact that you set aside some "me" time is such of a greaqt step. really, you give so much, if you don't get some of that time to yourself, you will run out. you have to refuel!
lol- mr. zen is totally excited for iron man, too... not too sure either. i just nod and smile let me know if he says it's worth it or it was completely lame...
i hope you get everything done in the morning... i was never good at that- more of a stay up all night person... anyway, take care and take an evening walk for me. i miss walking at dusk. for some reason, it was so..... i don't know, can't explain it... i guess it just sort of gave me the feeling that everything was right with the world....
wishing you a positive day!
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 9 May 2008 11:00 am |
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Sorry you got hit with Forest Gumpism. I get it, too. I just don't know where to run. Everywhere I go, I take me with me.
I am glad you are doing things to increase your self esteem during this trying time. You are losing weight, getting healthy and fit, and looking good. You are also working on your relationship with L. You have a lot to be proud of.
I hope today is a good day for you!
P.S. Please take your stretched pants back to the cleaners and see if they can fix the problem. They might be able to rerun them and shrink them back. (See your post about the pants.)
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 10 May 2008 02:14 am |
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1144 IN. Workout - about 2 miles, probably 1/2 mile jogging. No Forest Gump tonight. Feeling a lot chipper.
What an interesting day.
First - I didn't get that project done for my boss. I worked on it for a couple of hours then walked into his office and said "It's time to face the brutal facts - I haven't been able to get to anything on this project since we talked about it 2 months ago. " He didn't bat an eye, and we just talked about what needed to be done. I got 3 more weeks to work on it. He was very supportive.
Second - Tormentor was at it again today...but...I got some interesting scoop that deep down makes me gleeful in a twisted way. Apparently in December, when things were not going so well after we lost a major contract, Tormentor was trying to hire someone to fill a key position. This candidate, I will call Brad, apparently is highly respected, highly referred, everyone liked him, and Tormentor was pursuing him hard. Tormentor and Brad happen to have a mutual friend Jeff, and apparently Jeff told Brad that Tormentor confessed he is absolutely miserable at our company. Because of this, Brad turned down the position because he didn't want to work for the miserable bastard. I learned this from someone who is extremely reliable who also knows Jeff. I tried to find out why Tormentor is miserable to see if it could lend any insight to his behavior, but the person I got this story from didn't have more details than that. Screw the miserable bastard though. Ha ha. I WISH he would go find a job somewhere else. If he is THAT miserable why stay?
Third - I went by Dick's Sporting Goods after work and checked out the heart rate monitor I was interested in. I learned however that elsewhere you can get a GPS unit which will track your speed and distance in addition to heart rate so that sounds more like what I would want....Anyhow, since I was there the clothing section called out to me and I went and picked up some workout clothes for summer - shorter t-shirts and some shorts, a nice weatherproof zip top for damp or drizzly times. It is SOOOOOO cooool going into a store like that and shopping for clothes. And they had huge mirrors in the dressing room and....I know its a long way off yet....but I put on a sports bra type top and was able to just start picturing what it will look like to have an attractive tummy again. I pray I don't end up with the saggy skin cause I will look darn HOT when I get down to my goal weight.
Last edited on 10 May 2008 02:15 am by mollymoo24
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 10 May 2008 10:17 am |
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Go girl!!!!!   
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jackbenimble
New Member
| Joined: | 1 May 2008 |
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| Posts: | 44 |
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Posted: 10 May 2008 12:50 pm |
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Hey MollyMoo,
I'm new here and just was browsing your beginning posts and most recent ones. Wow, you've made some *serious* progress! Congrats and keep up the good work!
Jack B. Nimble
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 10 May 2008 02:34 pm |
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Thanks Beth and Jack - welcome Jack btw and thanks for posting!!
Yeah, I feel really good about my progress. I am holding steady at 155 now, which is a total of 47 pounds since I first started. I ended up getting hungry again last night after posting and finished the night at 1464 in. I really need to just make up my mind that if I am truly hungry at night, I should go eat a mini-meal. When I try to have oh just a little bit of pico and chips to abate real hunger, I have 100 calories first and then still end up having something more substantial (ham and cheese no bread).
At least as long as I exercise, 1464 is an OK day, it just won't help me get to my target quite as quickly. According to CPH my RMR (at current weight) is 1334 and my sedendary RMR is 1601. My calorie counts have been really all over the board lately. I am slipping on the green stuff a little bit again too. Must do better.
Today for brekkie I had 1 piece of toast (Brownberry 12-grain) topped with a scrambled egg. The egg I had cooked in a big helping of salsa verde with a little fresh lime juice squeezed in at the end. All that flavor and a nice sized meal and only 206 calories. Mmmmmmmm. The thing I also like about this breakfast, is if you are REALLY hungry, you just add another egg white for 20 calories and it bulks up the egg portion to fit your appetite.
I want to do my toning exercise video tonight or tomorrow. It's been too long. However we'll see how much exercise I get today at Dad's house. Today is the "last call" to get things out of the house before he sells/donates everything. I am doing OK now but there will be lots of thoughts of Mom today as I go through what was always really 'her' house. Shoot. Just got a lump in my throat.
Anyway, the sun is shining and it is going to be a gorgeous day out so happy Saturday to everyone and I'll see ya'll later.
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 11 May 2008 03:55 am |
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Dear Santa
1633IN. Workout: 1.25 Miles with the dogs. .75 miles later with L. Total 2 miles. Not quite .5 mile jogging - it's a pain with the dogs as C-dog wants to pee on everything.
Had a big salad for dinner as a prelude to pizza - a little too much pizza.
Things at Dad's house went fine. As it turned out there wasn't too much stuff that I still cared about left, I guess we did a pretty good job of going through things before. That made it easier. My Dad's 'lady friend' surprised me, she had gone through and organized all the photos by date in photo boxes, which was really nice of her and saved some time. I found my great-grandmother's (small) diamond ring and was happy to get that - just for the sake of keeping it in the family. My Mom was a pack rat, but an organized one. I've got a big box full of grade school - college report cards and programs from dance recitals, band concerts, etc. Clippings/photos from the newspaper articles where I or my mom or brother are mentioned. My "Dear Santa" letter which won a newspaper prize when I was 5. Geneaolgy notes. Baby albums and baby shoes (Mine or my brothers is TBD). I love the fact that she kept all this stuff. My memory is terrible and just looking at these things brought back lots of details I've long forgotten, like the names of my grade school teachers and classmates.
I didn't say goodbye to the house just yet. We are planning to have a cookout there in about a month and sit in the backyard and look at the lake for a full afternoon. Its a beautiful, lovely house. My Dad told me that after the "for sale" sign went up a lady knocked on the door - she grew up in that house as a girl. Years ago Dad recalls that the same lady brought her dad back by there to see the house before he died. I guess they really loved that house too. She wanted to know if she could have the big bell that stands on a post in the yard. I guess she loved that bell too just as we did. Every XMas or Thanksgiving dinner my uncle J would go out and ring it before dinner. It was just a little silly fun family tradition. Dad seems willing to let her have it, as long as its not an issue with any buyer who may have already looked at the property. I'd be happy to see it go to someone to whom it would mean so much.
I'd probably really like her. Sentimental just like me. 
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 11 May 2008 01:47 pm |
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Once again I have woken up entirely too early on a weekend.
I feel tired. I went to bed last night wired with thoughts about my work situation and woke up the same way. Anxiety and I am sick in the pit of my stomach. This happens a lot of days. I keep processing and re-living events over and over and over in my head instead of doing something more productive. I think I am going to take the Dr.'s advice and try increasing the Wellbutrin today. But I am finding that the journalling, or running, or forcing myself to get up and do something really does help.
I forgot to mention that Dad was amazed at my weight loss yesterday and I could tell he was very happy and proud. He himself has lost about 15 pounds and while he could stand to lose another 20, the really key thing is that his doctor took him off blood pressure and cholesterol meds. Another TRUE EXAMPLE of fitness and weight loss having a profound positive effect on someone's health. Way to go Dad!! Although since he got back home from Florida he says he's having a little more trouble keeping up his healthy ways.
Happy Mother's Day to all the Mom's out there.   I love and miss mine, she was wonderful.
Angry with Them
L and I will be visiting my MIL later. She's another one who doesn't take care of herself and she has a boatload of medical issues now as a result. The latest is a lot of swelling in her legs. She doesn't even wear the compression stockings that he doctor told her to, she has excuses for that too. Every year for Mother's Day she asks for a certain pie from Baker's Square that they only make this time of the year. This year L went and got her 1 piece and not a whole pie.
I am feeling angry at the people in my life that aren't taking care of themselves. I was ticked at/disappointed in L yesterday. He took an hour out of his day to drive to a specific Italian restaurant to get pizza and antipasto salad. Their antipasto is a ridiculously portioned meat and cheese fest with dressing and 'oh by the way' some lettuce. L loves this salad so much has always insisted on buying "1 for today, 1 for tomorrow". So when he announced that he was going over there and getting 2 salads (plural) for himself I blew up and then he blew up back and then I said "well, I've said what I have to say". I just stood there in the kitchen thinking "This is one of those moments. All the circumstances are aligned right now to help L make healthy choices (or at least diminish the bad choices), I am just trying to get him to have 1 unhealthy salad and not 2 and he basically told me that he 'didn't want to hear it'." So I am standing there looking at him thinking 'doesn't this man get it? I don't want to do this any more. I don't want to be with him if he's going to destroy himself. I don't want to him to spend my time and hard earned money on food for him to stuff his face and then on medical care when he has a heart attack. This is hurting me, it is selfish and immature, and I can CHOOSE whether I want to spend the rest of my life like this."
I have such an urge to go get that other freaking salad out of the fridge and toss it in the garbage. Yeah he'd be #%@&! but darn it am I supposed to sit here and do nothing? Knowing that I am the one who is going to have to take care of him if he has a heart attack or a stroke? Oh Joy! Same thing with the MIL. My god, now that I am really awake to the weight-related health issues I am sitting here watching a ticking time bomb of a husband and MIL and waiting for the day to arrive because it is inevitable.
Maybe I'll start making funeral plans for L and leave them out on the coffee table and that will wake him up. Or divorce papers. Yeah I am feeling a little wicked right now. Maybe I'll calm down. Or not. We'll see.
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 12 May 2008 02:35 am |
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I Love Having the House to Myself
1193IN. Workout: Uppers/Lowers/Abs 10/10/5. Yay, I met my mini-goal of getting that in on Sat or Sun. Weight is right at 155.
Well, no funeral arrangements or divorce filings yet. Possibly because that salad is still in the fridge. L says he will eat it Monday or Tuesday. This antipasto salad has become an icon representing the titanic struggle going on right now between L's rebellious nature and the nagging voice inside his head telling him he needs to change his ways. I'm just throwing gasoline on the fire.
Went to MIL's this afternoon. She asked us to pick up lunch from the family favorite BBQ. Only she asked for a slab and a half of ribs for herself. I was disgusted. At least I have to thank her for making a lovely salad especially with me in mind - which I had in large quantity with FF dressing and a broiled chicken sandwich. I was the only one who ate the salad though. L and MIL each had a piece of Baker's Square pie.
I know that I cannot expect those in my life to suddenly change their eating habits just because I have. But it just bothers me to have to sit there and watch people who are already massively overweight and unhealthy slowly killing themselves with each bite.
Anyway...I LOVE having the house to myself. L drove up to the MI house tonight because the furnace is being replaced tomorrow and he will be keeping an eye on the contractors. Right now I have Sense and Sensibility playing on the TV. It struck me that it has been ages since I got to watch one of 'my' movies - L is always home and always in the Den. I got to make a sweet potato with lite syrup for dinner. I'll probably spend a little more time reading diaries on cph, then slide into a book and sleep on the couch with my doggies next to me.
I am dreading the work week and am not feeling refreshed but trying to blot it out and focus on the peace and quiet for now.
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Theresa
Senior Member
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Posted: 12 May 2008 10:03 am |
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MM you are doing brilliant on your weight loss and you cannot be held responsible if those that you care about eat unhealthy.
Sadly it is their choice and hopefully your good example will get through to them eventually.
I feel bad that you are still having to deal with your tormentor at work. Just remember "Every dog has his day" Yours will come soon.
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 12 May 2008 11:42 am |
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As my good friend and mentor used to say, "Growth is painful." I'd say you're getting a full dose of it. Maybe L will go back to work and help ease some of your burden. Y'all have been through some tough and emotionally charged weeks. Everything you wrote is true. I do hope L will make an effort to grow (or shrink) as you have. It's going to really cost him if he doesn't because you are out of denial. Once we get out of denial it's very hard to go back there.
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 12 May 2008 07:10 pm |
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Mol,
I'm just catching up with the diaries from the weekend (and last Friday, when I couldn't get the site to open), and reading through your entries, I sure feel bad that you've had such a weekend!
I usually love my job and what I do........but there are times, when I have more work than I could get done in a month and it needs to be finished in a few days..........that I get so stressed! And unfortunately, I sometimes take it out on the hubs. "ME" time is non-existant, and I get super-stressed! I'm glad to see you take time to unwind with a shower, find some positives in your life, and not give all your sleep time to your job! You have had such a stressful time lately, with your job, L's health or lack of it, and then trying to lose weight on top of it all.......trying to establish a healthy new you! You've done an astounding job, Mol! Sometimes, all we can do is to hang in there, and take it one day at a time
Mollymoo wrote:
I know that I cannot expect those in my life to suddenly change their eating habits just because I have. But it just bothers me to have to sit there and watch people who are already massively overweight and unhealthy slowly killing themselves with each bite.
I hear you, my dear! Been there, done that! But you know what? I should have listened many years ago, and made changes in my eating and exercise too! Why did I wait until I was almost 50, before I figured out that I needed to change my life? It's hard to stand by, and watch the ones we love make the wrong choice, knowing we can't do anything about it! But I made those same wrong choices for years! I think it's because we do love them, that it's so hard for us. But, I didn't do it until I was ready, and L won't either..........sad, but true.
My hubs gave me the most beautiful Mother's Day card yesterday. It talked about all the things we've done together, and kept repeating that he wanted to grow old with me. I just cried! Not knowing what health things I might face, when the results of my MRI come back, and thinking about his high cholesterol..........I couldn't help but think that maybe we won't grow old together, and it made me so sad! I've always assumed we'd have each other until we were old and gray..........and have a wonderful retirement together. But, maybe we won't? L has to make his own choices about his health, sorry to say. You keep on being the stellar example that you've been! Look at how you've changed your eating and exercise habits! Nagging doesn't help........but I did occasionally throw in a comment about how I could live nicely on his life insurance money, but I'd much rather live with HIM!
Does L read things about his health or healthy living? I kept leaving articles around for my hubs to "find" about how certain foods affect our bodies, or what high cholesterol does to us and what the affects are on our health. It seemed that the more he understood about the "why" of healthy eating, the more he was willing to learn about the "how" of healthy eating.
I have a bit of an advantage over you, Mol, in that my hubs doesn't cook or fix food for himself, unless I tell him I'm working late, and he should heat up a frozen dinner (healthy one, of course). And because he doesn't cook or want to cook, whatever I make and put in front of him, he will eat. So, if I stir-fry a big pan of veggies for dinner, that's what he eats. Of course, sometimes he covers them in ketchup! That's one of my grandson's tricks...........I think he learned it from his grandpa! 
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 12 May 2008 09:33 pm |
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| MM, after I read Pat's sweet, wonderful post, I got to thinking. Is it possible L could go to some nutritional counseling as part of his cancer treatment? Joe's been several times to heart healthy classes (of course he only learned the parts he liked) and the insurance paid for it. Maybe your insurance has some type of wellness benefit and L could get more educated on nutrition. If not, I'd just continue to beat him until he conforms.
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 12 May 2008 10:24 pm |
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Beth wrote:
Is it possible L could go to some nutritional counseling as part of his cancer treatment? Joe's been several times to heart healthy classes (of course he only learned the parts he liked) and the insurance paid for it. Maybe your insurance has some type of wellness benefit and L could get more educated on nutrition. If not, I'd just continue to beat him until he conforms.
Beth, what a hoot! Wouldn't we all like to beat it into our husbands heads sometimes!
I've taken to beating it into him with words..........repeatedly! What surprises me, is that he actually reads those health and nutrition things I leave laying around! I think this time at the Dr. scared him.
Mol, I've been reading a lot about cancer lately. If you haven't read "The China Study" or "Eat to Live" they are great resources. Or go to the website for The Cancer Project, and download "The Cancer Survivor's Handbook" the Eat to Live diet plan allows for more meat than the Cancer Survivor's Handbook......though not much. But the research in "The China Study" really lays out there, what lab tests have shown about what affect animal products have on the growth of cancer cells. If L has survived cancer, ask him why he would want to eat foods that promote the growth of cancer cells again? He doesn't want it back, does he? I've also taken to drinking a lot of green tea.............I read on a website "The World's Healthiest Foods" about the effect of green tea on cancer cell growth. There is so much nutritional info out there, if L started reading about it, it would have to give him something to think about! Beth has a great idea about the nutrition classes too We've got to educate that man!
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 13 May 2008 12:48 am |
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Chock Full O Good Stuff
Hi Theresa, Beth and Pat
Wow, after coming back and rereading my hypercritical entries while in a more balanced stated of mind I am a little ashamed (head bowed, eyes to the ground, rubbing one shoe back and forth in the dirt). Thanks girls for reading all my drivel and for your supportive replies.
Pat, I love what your hubs wrote to you. That would make me cry too. I guess all you can really do is take the best care you can of yourselves to have the best chance for that long and golden retirement. You are a faithful person, you must hope and believe that you are meant to share each other for a long long time.
L's such a big guy I never figured he'd have a super long life but I sure don't want to lose him unnecessarily young (he's 42, I am 39). At least he was generally active before his health issues started 1.5 years ago and he was down around 300 pounds and in somewhat decent fitness. When I first met him, he was 290 lbs and a hulking terror on the raquetball court or dance floor. He will come around yet, I know he will - he has to. "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION" for him.
I don't think obvious things like leaving anti-cancer 'eating right' brochures or articles under his nose will work. I know, because I've been trying that, and it has the opposite effect - he goes into super-ignoring-mode and doesn't read any of it! Beth I like the idea of nutritional counseling, I think talking about it would sink in better for him than reading. I am going to talk to him about that and see if he's game. Pat got me thinking and I am going to do some recipe browsing later and generate some new dinner ideas. He's bought turkey sausage on 2 additional occasions since we first tried it, so he is willing to try some newer, healthier things. I've just got to find interesting and tasty ideas. Once we get a few "hits" we'll cook dinner for the MIL.
OK and now today's stats:
797IN (so far, but I am full, that may be it for the night) Workout: 3 Miles, jogged a bit over 1 mile. I think I am starting to figure out the burning lungs and I in fact was trying to run too fast at first. Slowed it down, and now I can go a lot further and don't burn.
AND (tuh-dah-dah-tummmmm) Peter's Challenge weigh in at 153!
Finally an unexpected and really welcome development - my SI joint isn't hurting right now. I think the toning video really helps and then the run tonight got my butt muscles firmed up and my hip better aligned. This is amazing because I cannot remember NOT having at least a little pain or discomfort in that area since I got clobbered on the highway in my Jeep in 2003. Fitness rules!!!!!!
Finally-Finally: The furnace guys got done late and L is staying another night in MI. I have the house to myself again! I now have "Pride and Prejudice" on - the BBC Version - think I can get through all 6 hours tonight?
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 13 May 2008 12:49 am |
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Beth wrote: If not, I'd just continue to beat him until he conforms.
BTW, this made me LOL. Thanks Beth.
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zenobia
Moderator
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Posted: 13 May 2008 04:58 am |
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funny this should come up. i am having a battle of my own right now that somewhat fits this situation.... hubs has been eating fast food like everyday despite saying that he wants to get fit and lose weight and be healthy.... lol, he was even going to hide his mcdonald's bag before i got home but forgot... i really don't know what i am going to do about him....
so yeah, i really feel your pain!
congrats on that 153!!!!! w00t!!!
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 13 May 2008 02:22 pm |
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Mol,
Just check those turkey sausages...........some of the turkey stuff is still high in fat! Don't assume that because it's turkey, it's lean. I learned that reading the labels. Would L do that...........read nutrition labels? Maybe if he realized what's in some things?
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zenobia
Moderator
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Posted: 13 May 2008 05:32 pm |
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so so right hisgal. i found that there is a huge difference between "lean" turkey and "extra lean" (50 cals!)... and some ground chicken breast i bought actually contains TRANS FAT!!! (I know! did they like, inject it in to the chicken?!?) oh yeah, NEVER ASSUME!!
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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