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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 10 March 2008 12:46 pm |
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| MM, hello! Try eating kale. you won't want leftovers!
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 11 March 2008 03:49 am |
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Not a Particular Fan of Scrolling 
Workout: 10/upper; 3miles: .5W 1J .5W .5J .5W 48 mins.
Under 900 cals IN, going to leave it there because of the higher cal days this past weekend. 
Weight 169.5 tonight - closing in on 169 (again). It needs to get and stay below the line! Almost there. I'm dying to be able to update my ticker. 
Sent photos to MIL from Saturday reception, she noticed right away my weight loss, I really do look so much better. Got a long way to go, but the bloated look is gone. I can't wait to see my Dad! He's in FL for the winter, I was supposed to see him when I was in Orlando but since my FL trip got cut short I haven't seen him since Thanksgiving. He's going to be thrilled to see his daughter getting healthy! Finally! He says he lost 20 lbs too, that's the lowest he's been in a long long time. He should be back in Chicago around April 5 or so, I should be able to lose another 6 lbs by then. So 163 = target weight for Dad.
Oooops reminds me, gotta go post in the Spring Fling!
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 11 March 2008 12:56 pm |
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| MM, what a great plan to be 163 for your visit with your dad. You'll also need a massage, a manicure, a pedicure, a new hairdo, and a brand new outfit from head to toe! You are worth it!!!!!!!
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 12 March 2008 02:27 am |
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One Six Nine..maybe
If the scale is still there tomorrow, then I'll count it. : )
Another light calorie day today, so busy at work I forgot to eat lunch. Only 685 IN. I really better have a higher cal day tomorrow. I am too tired to workout, I was at the office at 6 this AM. Will go to bed soon.
2nd appt with therapist today. I tried going shopping afterward for some new suits. I can use a petite and I wanted to see how a 14P suit fit. But after 30 minutes in Macy's I couldn't find one suit I liked enough to try on! Have a haircut tomorrow after work, so I can try going to Carson's and/or JCPenny. I thank heavens that I don't need WP sizes any more though, shopping is going to be so much more fun.
Thanks Beth, that's not a bad idea for my big unveiling. Dad loves me no matter what but he will really be happy to see me taking better care of myself. Do you know I have never had a manicure, I really need to do it, I am sure I will love it.
Ta Ta girls....sleepy time BED!
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 12 March 2008 03:49 am |
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Sorry you're so pooped. Hope you get some rest and feel better soon.
Aren't you happy to be in the real petites instead of the wide petites! I can't wait to get there. I'm about 12 behind you! I think I just got inspired to keep moving forward.
I've been cheating and I have a "special drawer." I've been buying some really cute smaller things on sale and sticking them in the drawer for rewards as I lose weight. I said I wasn't going to do that. Oh well!
Take care.
Beth
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 12 March 2008 08:29 am |
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Beth wrote:
I've been cheating and I have a "special drawer." I've been buying some really cute smaller things on sale and sticking them in the drawer for rewards as I lose weight. I said I wasn't going to do that. Oh well!
That''s a GOOD kind of cheating though. When I read the first sentence I thought you were going to say you have an emergency stash of miniature 3 Musketeers bars (!)  LOL . I think what you are doing is a great motivator - and after all, if they are on sale you can easily rationalize that you are saving money on your future clothing needs.
If we keep at it, it won't be that much longer before we can fit into those sizes. For example, I realize that I should really not buy any colder weather heavier suits because its almost spring, and by next winter I'd better darn well be at least down to an 8 if not a 6.
What am I doing back up at 2:30AM tonight? Sigh.  Hope that you are sleeping tonight.
2 nights of not good sleep for me in a row when I am tired and should be sleeping hard...so just now I went to mymonthlycycles.com where I track my period cycle. Duh, of course its days 13 and 14. Totally hormonal, nothing I can do except take a sleep aid. I got to understand my body patterns a whole lot better when I started using that site. My very experienced gyne didn't believe that I had sleep disruptions linked to the ovulation part of my cycle until I tracked it for 2 years and then brought in the chart with it in black and white. I think there are a lot of things about our bodies we don't understand. I realize I digress here but I think things like this are worth saying, if it helps one single woman get a handle on her symptoms.
Huh, I just realized that I also just had 2 pretty low calorie days without meaning to (900 and 700). Wonder if that's just coincidence or not. I'll have to watch to see if that's a patterns cause I know that right before my period I always want chocolate and salt and want to eat more.
Off to go read some more diaries...
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Theresa
Senior Member
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Posted: 12 March 2008 09:10 am |
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That's actually very interesting. I must see if the same happens to me. I alslo just want to chomp chocolates and lots just before I have my time. Thanks for sharing.  
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 13 March 2008 01:11 am |
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Its time for a ticker update, but a plea as well
I officially get to 'book' the
169
today. Just in time for my March 15 target. The wedding ring is feeling good!
My next 10 pounds are going to be very challenging. I am not fooling myself. Things at work are tough, I am trying to cram in therapy appointments and Dr. visits with L leading up to his surgery April 2. I've started 'making deals' with myself about "working out tomorrow" and then not quite doing what I promised. I made the most weight loss progress when I worked out without fail, solidly, 6 days a week - my workouts have slipped in the past week as I've had late days due to work or other appointments after work. All I can do is do my best. 20 or 30 minutes if I don't have an hour. Something, anything, just can't lose my momentum or motivation.
Next goal 159 - April 30 That's 10 pounds in 7 weeks. Totally realistic. I will be STOKED to get into the 150's. I believe I have not been in the 150's for at least 6 years, possibly longer.
Please CPH friends, help me stay on track with my workouts. Post your 1 or 2 or 3 favorite ways to get yourself motivated to workout, even when you are really busy and tired.
ETA: 3miles: .5W 1J 1.5WLast edited on 13 March 2008 02:38 am by mollymoo24
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 13 March 2008 01:32 am |
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| You can do it!
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trimB
Moderator
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Posted: 13 March 2008 07:59 pm |
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I really don't feel like I should be giving motivational techniques right now... but maybe if I write one thing that helps me, then I might motivate myself too!
Whenever I'm feeling too busy or tired to workout as planned, I put on my workout gear anwyay and tell myself that I have to at least get started but that if I still feel like quitting after 5 minutes then I can quit. At that point, I am telling myself that 5 minutes is better than 0 minutes and that just the action of getting started will help me stay in the habit of exercising. Well, it almost always happens that after the 5 minutes is up, I workout for longer. Maybe not as long as I should... but better than nothing AND better than just 5 minutes!
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 14 March 2008 04:13 am |
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Don't Read this, but I just had to get it out. Blah.
I am not eating much. I am not sleeping well. It could be the meds I suppose or just the stress. Only 660 IN today. 10/10/10 lower/abs/upper.
Things at work are coming to a head nad quickly. On the bright side, I had my year-end performance review today (yeah, our cycle is slow), and it was good. My boss was very supportive and I received a good rating, raise, and bonus. Considering I feared they might start lowballing my reviews to eliminate me, this is about as good as I could have hoped.
On the stormy side, my boss and my tormentor's boss have decided to conduct a series of interviews with me, tormentor, and 3 other not completely objective people on "roles and responsibilities". This has no good prospect becuase the truth is that the tormentor is constantly bullying me and trying to take over my responsibilities. Only I can't come out and SAY that or will I look like a baby whiner. I am trying to figure out ways to work through this process to arrive at a positive outcome and position myself well but haven't figured it out yet. Dr. B told me fight, not flight, keep my head up, because if I just let them do this to me and I flee the company then I will always have to live with that. But I don't know, I've been living with this for so long I do think it could be the courageous option to finally just move on to something else. It certainly would be the easier course.
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 14 March 2008 05:54 am |
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Good luck, MM. This Dr. B. says do what is best for you. I am sure you will do the right thing. This kind of situation is why I prefer to work alone.
Take care.
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Theresa
Senior Member
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Posted: 14 March 2008 11:27 am |
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I agree that you should stay and stand up for yourself Mollymoo. Maybe tell your boss that this is how you feel. So instead of saying this is what your tormentor does, rather say that you feel as if........ Then it won't seem as if you are attacking that person and the truth will come out. 
You are doing brilliant on the weight loss though. Jus t be careful of eating too little while you are going through all of this stress.
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 14 March 2008 01:10 pm |
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Breathe and Stay Calm. This is my simple mantra for today. CHIN UP!
I am meeting with development coach #2 since development coach #1 had a conflict of interest in that he is already working with unspecified others here [hmmm perhaps the tormentor?]. At this stage of the game, it may be too late to save me but I do need to remember what Dr. B said and conduct myself with dignity and self respect. They may take away my responsibilities, but only I can control how I react. Breathe....calm...
My dear Dad and I had a long talk about when he got pushed out of his company he worked for for 28 years. We are very much alike - change avoiadant, and glued to a company which was financially lucrative. He said that he knew it was coming for 2 years and it was really an unhappy. The anxiety over losing his job and looking for a new job was terrible. When it finally did happen but he got outplacement, negotiated for extended healthcare insurance, and severance. He worked hard at getting a new job and it took him 8 months, but he finally did, at half his original salary, and ended up happier with the people and a more relaxed environment, and worked his way up 2 levels in the organization in about 2 years. The moral is, he says now that being laid off is the 'best thing that could have happened'. Pretty pathetic, but gives me hope.
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 14 March 2008 03:48 pm |
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MM, so sorry for your pain (and fear.) Hubby and I both got the boot after about 18 years of the corporate golden handcuffs. Both of our companies were sold and we had just bought a new house. Whew. We did survive.
I survived two years on the job just waiting on the package, which wasn't much. The last year was brutal and I still have emotional scars. In looking back, I'm sorry I didn't make a job change years earlier while I was younger and could still jump ship. I chose to stay on due to my own insecurities about making a change. Hindsight!!! So valuable so late!
Good luck. Losing that job does not mean you will die. You will be ok. You may even be better! You are young and you have brains and experience in your field. Plus, look at what you've done for your appearance! You are marketable!! At the very worst, if you got literally fired today, you can get COBRA for 18 months. If you are desperate for funds, you can also get into your 401K with no penalty. Gotta have a good CPA for that one!
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 15 March 2008 01:53 am |
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Trimb, Hi, thanks for coming by and posting that suggestion! That's the one thing that usually helps me too. Just put the workout outfit on immediately when I get home from work. Then eventually, put the workout shoes and socks on. Once they are on, its pretty easy to move from the couch to the treadmill.
Theresa, you are always so supportive, thank you!
Beth, I know what you describe was a horrible time for you and it describes the situation I am in. Thank you for sharing and continuing to offer your support. When I read that, in my mind I go "If she can do it, I can do it". Just like reading DG's diary set my perspective that 3 miles was NOT a ridiculously long way to walk in a day and I could do it too. I thought Cobra didn't last as long as 18 months if so that would be great. I think the sheer overwhelming fear of change and the unknown, (and money and insurance) and anxiety is probably far worse than just getting it over with and getting on with my life. And, I really do have enough stashed away to tide us over in the event of emergency.
A Few Rays in my Day 
My new dev coach Steve is a champ. He's great. He got to the heart of the matter and made me walk through the "what's the worst that can happen?" scenarios. "Your're smart, you've got a great degree, you've got good performance reviews, its completely unrealistic that they'd push you out the door. But if they did, you'd get severance and insurance but you'd land a new job in about 4.6 minutes". He's right! He also told me that I have been doing this so long that basically my job is my identity and that's why it hurts so much, and I have to let that go and identify with rest of me - a wife and a greyhound-lover and . He's going to come out next week and work with me for 2 hours on Wednesday to get ready for the 'big interview'. I think I got really lucky with this guy.
I did something quite "changeful" and positive today. I finally found a department store (Carson Pirie Scott) that has a very good sized petite section. The only shopping I ever did there in the past 4-5 years was in the Women's section. A whole new universe of clothes. And I found some Liz Claiborne 14P's that fit so nicely, they make my legs look good! And rather than my usual everyday black, I decided to add some color so I have nice grey, purplish brown, and navy blue. Now I just have to see about some new jackets to mix and match.
No workout yet today. Will probably wait til tomorrow AM. Forgot to eat lunch again, but I went to Potbelly after work and had a nice turkey sandwich so I am at 830IN right now. I'll go have some peanut butter or something, I've had too many sub-1000 days in a row and I don't want my metabolism slowing down...I worked too hard to get it going again!
Off to catch up with some of your diaries ladies, hugs and thanks to all....
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 15 March 2008 03:27 pm |
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Its Saturday and dark and grey and I'm stuck on the couch. 
It would be great to motivate and move my fat bod out. 
Dogs want to go but I am slow and coffee I am lacking 
Cmon lets get those trainers on and send a few pounds packing! 
"Cmon Mom - woof woof - let's go, we LOVE to go for a walk!!" 
ETA: Mom and doggies did a nice 2.6 mile walk.
Last edited on 15 March 2008 04:50 pm by mollymoo24
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 16 March 2008 04:54 am |
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To-GA To-GA To-GA
OK believe it or not, our good friends hosted a toga party tonight. Mind you, I have never in my life worn a toga, wanted to wear a toga, or imagined myself wearing a toga. The things you do for friendship.
Anyway, it turned out to be a lot of fun, everyone duly showed up with their togas on. Perhaps it was because they wrote on the invitations "No toga - No alcohol". Anyway, L and I went to the fabric store this afternoon, he decided on plaid (Scottish toga) and I wore a cool pink and black skull pattern on a white background (the aging 80's alternative music lover toga).
I planned ahead to splurge a bit on cals tonight due to the lower cal days this week. Still I was careful on the cals the rest of the day, knowing what was coming. I limited to 2.5 glasses of wine and then drank water, and ate maybe 500 cals of misc snacks, had a good time, all is well.
I just put on the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun" while I am typing, and while this isn't an Oscar winning movie, I am drawn to it. It features a strong woman hitting rock bottom, then taking chances, following her intuition, and rebuilding a life on her own terms. A good note to leave off for the night.
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 16 March 2008 01:49 pm |
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MM, Toga! Toga! Toga!
Don't you just love getting back into your petites!
Seems like you are doing better with the job thing. I understand about the job defining you. It is a big part of what you do, but it isn't what you are. Maybe this will be a little early wakeup call to wake up and smell the roses along the way.
It is true I am a corporate casualty. Today I am practicing the fine art of living.
I look at it this way. If I left this earth today, what would be said about me? "She really knew how to get a stain out of a shirt." "She never missed a day of work." "No report she ever prepared had a typo." "She never dented her company car." "She worked late every night." Nope! Hopefully they would say, "She loved her family with all her heart!" "She loved her puppies with all her heart." "Her smile could light up a room." "She had this wicked giggle!" "She lived life to the fullest every day." I like those better.
May you live life to the fullest today!
Beth
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 16 March 2008 08:30 pm |
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Walked about 4 miles outside, started out with L and the dogs, but finished with just the younger dog M. Our older dog C couldn't take a long walk 2 days in a row.
The sun is out this afternoon. Its truly a welcome sight.
Beth, right on, girl! I have to figure out how to live life on my own terms and get back to the real me that got buried somewhere over the years as this job sucked the life out of me. I think trying to do new things and breaking out of my comfort zone is really healthy for me right now to force new ways of looking at everything. Toga's yesterday. Today walking to places I never imagined I would walk to on foot from my house. I am going to wear color (not black) to work tomorrow. These may sound silly but I think they are all baby steps toward a healthier way of living.
Theresa, I hope you did well with your veg today. I just finished a large salad and filled up the fridge today with lots of good things.
I am experimenting today with sweet potato which is something that's never been on our menu before. Gotta go look up some ideas of what to do with it.
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 18 March 2008 03:13 am |
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Happy St. Patty's Day 
I did wear color to work today. I have a green suit that I fit into again which was right for the occasion. I think the staff got a kick out of it.
Weight 167, updated Spring Fling. Workout: 10/upper, 2.5miles: .5W 1.5J .5W. Hadn't jogged on the treadmill in several days, jogging was nice and tight (until the end), perhaps a few days off helped.
I forgot to note that I tried jogging on the street a bit yesterday and it was really much more difficult. Once I shortened stride it was a bit easier but took forever to make forward progress. Making it down a loong city block took a supreme effort of will.
Still trying to keep my anxiety under control. I was having a good day at work today, staying calm, getting organized and staying on target until eventually the typical emergencies caught up with me around 2PM. It was a good feeling to have at least a 1/2 day where I felt calm. 
It may be worth going in early to the office in the mornings have planning time and beat the traffic. Problem is if I do that and then stay late I don't end up having enough time to eat properly for dinner and work out AND get enough sleep. So, as I have been telling myself since the beginning of this diary, I really have to make sure I keep on track with my planned projects and get out of the office on time at the end of each day.
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 18 March 2008 10:24 am |
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I am walking to Canada by September 30!!
http://www.caloriesperhour.com/forums/forum5/4957.html
Last edited on 18 March 2008 10:25 am by mollymoo24
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 18 March 2008 01:26 pm |
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| MM, what did you do with your sweet potatoes?
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 19 March 2008 02:59 am |
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Beth: Baked potato until soft and oozing, sliced into 1 inch slices, added a little light maple syrup and threw back in the oven for 5 mins. Much better than regular potato. Mmmmm. Will definitely do that again.
Struggling emotionally today (work concerns), no workout, I think I need a good cry soon. Decided to cancel going to MI this weekend since I am going to spend much of it getting ready for Monday's "interview" about my current job. I went out for Chinese with L to get out of the house and it was my first emotional eating "close call" in a long time. I am glad I came to my senses while still reading the menu. I wasn't too terrible (i.e. didn't eat the fried crust of the egg roll, and had brothy wonton soup along with a nice portion of shrimp fried rice).
The silver lining with the change of plans means we can spend Easter dinner with my MIL and she is stoked. We are making one her favorite dinners (whole roasted chicken with Joe's Potatoes - cajun stye buttery potato bites). I'll bring the salad! We'll probably also go see our friends' son's band play in the 'Battle of the Bands".
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vgreet
Senior Member
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Posted: 19 March 2008 03:03 am |
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MollyMoo,
Great to catch up on everything. I know you have been facing challenges, but the scale keeps going down. And you got to buy new clothes!
You didn't eat the Chinese! Wow! I've been comfort food eating like crazy. It was good to see you sticking to your guns. Maybe it will help me avoid the M&M's tomorrow. I'm sure that work situation will begin to iron itself out. One of my favorite professors used to say that the cure for pain was in pain itself. I think you are experiencing the cure!
Keep your chin up!
-V
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 19 March 2008 03:13 am |
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| I'll be thinking about you, MM. Sending good vibes your way, way up north. Wish you could come by for a cup of tea!
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 20 March 2008 01:38 am |
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Vgreet - you are right I am experiencing the cure. This must be part of the process. This pain must result in some life's lesson, some positive change.
Beth - thanks for the offer of tea. I am partial to earl grey myself. You know, I neverr thought of it before tea is much more of a comfort than coffee. I think I'll make myself a nice cozy cup of decaf Earl Grey in your honor before bed tonight.
Once again I skipped lunch, since I was meeting with my development coach Steve from 12-1:30, then I ran out of the office to go downtown to a pre-surgery meeting with L. Stress level is off the charts. Today I have had a whopping 303 calories. If I go get on the treadmill now I will burn that off too.  But maybe I'll at least get hungry and want peanut butter or something.
Only 2 weeks until L's surgery. Got some more things to think about / address today - things like making sure if something goes wrong he is not on a ventilator for 10 years. Or how he's not allowed to lift/push/pull anything more than 10 pounds for 4 weeks. I've gotta stop freaking out about it all and just get through it somehow.
Thanks for listening....I promise better days ahead where my journal won't be such a drag to read...or write. XOXOX
ETA: 2.5miles: .5W 1.5J .5W....was good. Didn't eat anything though.
Last edited on 20 March 2008 05:41 pm by mollymoo24
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 20 March 2008 02:27 am |
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| All that legal stuff is creepy! Take care of yourself.
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vgreet
Senior Member
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Posted: 20 March 2008 03:49 am |
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MollyMoo,
If I were there I would cook you something delectable. You have got to eat something! I hope you find a snack after your workout and have a better day tomorrow. Food is good! The surgery is still 2 weeks away- I wish I had a miracle stress reliever. The best I know is prayer.
I'll keep you in mine.
v
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 20 March 2008 05:51 pm |
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Having a bit better day right now. Calmer. Perhaps because not too many emergencies have come along to knock my day off track so I am not quite as frazzled at the office. Plus I skipped a time-wasting 2 hour training class for Microsoft Outloook so I could be more productive.
Beth and Vgreet, I appreciate you guys so much! I know things will get better if I can just get through a few more weeks.
Another job posting came up internally in Global Marketing and without hesitation I contacted the hiring manager and scheduled 1/2 hour with him next Wednesday informally (confidentially) to learn about the job. Its 2 grades lower than where I presently am but I could work something out I am sure. It feels good to be doing "something" productive about finding another job option.
3 day weekend ahead...which I hope to spend preparing for the next 6 weeks, including Monday's big interview. I've got to figure out how to use some other resources at work to help me get ready for the workshop I am hosting in Hungary in 4 weeks. So much to do!! So little time!!
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 20 March 2008 09:10 pm |
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| Hungary sounds exciting! Are you actually going there? How long does it take to get there?
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 21 March 2008 12:22 am |
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Beth wrote: Hungary sounds exciting! Are you actually going there? How long does it take to get there?
Too long! There are no direct flights to Budapest, I am flying through Heathrow. I think the whole duration from 1st takeoff to 2nd landing is about 12 hours.
Normally I'd be really excited but I am actually bummed to be leaving L at home alone 2 weeks post-surgery and be half a world away. It's for work and I am arriving as late as possible on a Saturday night and cannot get back until Thursday afternoon. Budapest is supposed to be beautiful; hopefully I will get a glimpse or more of the city with some free time Weds night.
I've got to coordinate a workshop for 50 people from 20 countries on pricing when I don't know anything about their local markets. Hopefully I will have some inspiration soon!
ETA: Weighed in at 164 when I got home from work, think that's a little low due to yesterday's no-cal day. But still nice to see it tick below the 165 marker.
Going out for Mexican tonight with L. Just feel like getting out of the house and with tomorrow being a holiday from work, can relax and stay up late tonight. Cheers everyone.
Last edited on 21 March 2008 12:29 am by mollymoo24
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zenobia
Moderator
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Posted: 21 March 2008 04:07 pm |
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| i hope you had a good mexican night! sorry the trip is bittersweet for ya. i hope you can enjoy it at least a little bit!
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AzGirly
New Member
| Joined: | 6 March 2008 |
| Location: | Arizona USA |
| Posts: | 57 |
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Posted: 21 March 2008 04:27 pm |
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Wow! What a trip!! Hope you have a safe trip..sounds like it's gonna be a long one so hopefully it goes quickly for you!
Mexican food is soooo yummy. My boyfriend's family is Mexican...so they cook they best food on the planent. **drooling** My favorite dish has to be carnitas....ahhh....so bad, yet so good... LOL!!
Hope you had a good dinner!! Congrats on being under 165!!
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 22 March 2008 02:14 am |
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Thanks Zen and AZ Girly! I did have a good time at the Mexican place. The Mrs. who owns/runs the place hasn't seen me since I started my weight loss program - I've been avoiding her delicious but deadly food and margaritas. She noticed immediately how much weight I've lost - actually people noticing is happening so much now it is starting to get embarassing - but I digress. I think I had about 1100 cals, including shrimp fajitas and a small margarita. I avoided all the rice and beans and sour cream and guac and only had 1 tortilla. I was a little over maintenance for the day, but not badly.
Titanic
The movie is on TNT tonight and I've had it on in the background. However, it is a suitable description of the horror I saw in the mirror again tonight when I looked at my profile - the tush is back! Those of you who read some of my earlier posts when I was losing weight in the front faster than the back and my rear was jutting out. Well, its happening again. I did the ab video tonight, maybe I need to go purchase "Buns of Steel" from Amazon.
I had a really positive day today overall. Don't you just love a holiday off work. For one thing, got caught up on the medical bills.
I was determined that today was the day we were getting new carpet - regardless of cost - take no prisoners. We went to the store, picked it out in 5 mins, ran home, measured twice, and got it ordered. Since we are expecting a parade of well wishing visitors soon I just want to get the old carpet out of here, frankly the dampness is bringing out the odors of prior accidents (despite all the cleaning I did) and I want it gone. Hope we get it in before surgery day 4/2.
I am still having a lot of anxiety about this 'interview' Monday but I hit on an idea tonight that really helped - videotaping myself, just like a regular job interview. I just used the webcam on my computer and practiced. What a confidence boost. I also rehearsed my talking points talking aloud while on the treadmill. L wasn't home during all this experimentation time, I don't think I could have done it if he could overhear. I am going to do it some more tomorrow - guess I will have to kick him out and make him go shopping or something. 
Workout: 10/10/5 uppers/lowers/abs and 2.0miles: .5W 1J .5.
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zenobia
Moderator
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Posted: 22 March 2008 05:07 am |
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wow- now that is some serious will power, mol! no to sour cream, beans and rice.
and isn't it great when people haven't seen you for a while and you look totally different. yeah, it gets old and embarassing, but it's better than the alternative (though i will say it is embarassing when they bring up what you looked like before... it's like "man, i didn't think i was 800 pounds! i know i had to lose weight, but jeez! and please, tell the whole world! )
seriously, i will take some of your butt off your hands. i am not built to have a butt. no matter how much weight i gain, this trunk is always empty (the luggage much prefers to hang out in the front seat.. more like a lumpy "fanny pack" hanging on the tummy!)
and the best of luck on the interview! sounds like you are totally prepared and confident!
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 22 March 2008 11:02 am |
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| I have the same butt situation as Zen. So does my mother and my grandmother. We always say if only we could turn our butts to the front and our stomachs to the back...
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vgreet
Senior Member
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Posted: 22 March 2008 05:06 pm |
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MollyMoo-
You are such an inspiration. You go around and make notes in everyone diary and stick to your schedule. I'm sure your interview will go well. I can relate to the butt problem. I'm sure if you keep working at it, you'll start to even out. The fat has to come off from somewhere.
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 22 March 2008 10:10 pm |
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Thanks Zen, Beth, and VGreet!
Today I am scaling in at 163. My tummy's getting flatter by the day....boobs too...
I am back to having terrible anxiety over Monday. I worked on my notes and practicing again for like 5 hours. Then I picked up an email from my boss that says he wants a draft of my Hungary workshop presentation by April 1. I promptly ran the bathroom and threw up about 10 times. All the other things I already have on my plate next week. And trying to get ready for L's surgery and doing things like drawing up a will and healthcare power of attorney and all that. I am having an out-of-body experience right now. So much for a 3-day weekend. I suck. I really do. OK I really don't but I think I have temporarily gone...over...the...edge...!!
I HATE anxiety. How did I become this person? I am going to go work out and see if that helps get my mind in a more positive, balanced and productive state. If that doesn't work I'll take a Xanax and come back and just read diaries for a while. See vgreet you've found out my secret - I think reading and posting everyone's diaries is my little escape right now - plus it helps ground me at the same time by realizing that nobody is perfect and everyone has life's challenges, different as they are in each case. My poor L, there is nothing he can do for me when I am like this. I am so sorry honey. X
*************************************************************
Back from workout. 3miles: .5W 1.5J 1W then some lateral thigh trainer. Worked out using the Ipod for the first time. Went from Sara McLachlan album Solace to She Wants Revenge's eponymous first album. Two polar opposite albums...both spectacular in their own way. Ignore the cheezy youtube videos, I was just trying to find decent quality sound:
Sarah's song "Drawn to the Rhythm"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hy3X-7ziVSA
I listened to this album over and over on Paradise Island in the Bahamas in 1993. I was tired of the snow in Chicago and had the travel agent book me on a 4 day 3 night getaway all by myself. I wandered off the beaten path from the hotel and found an old stone wall which stood tall over the rocky shorline, sortof a bridge to nowhere really...and I laid there for hours, alone, with the waves beneath me, the sun overhead, watching a barrcuada move along the rocks, and feeling good to be alive. During that trip I was befriended by a local native who was a caretaker at one of the estates, he showed me safely around the non-touristy parts of the Grand Island and I got a real education of what life is really like for many there. Anyway, this song reminds me of a time when I was a free spirit, living at home back with Mom and Dad after college with very few cares in the world.
She Wants Revenge "Sister"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4R-yJghZWU
When I first heard SWR, I thought OMG FINALLY, a new band that I really like. They sound a bit like Joy Division. This album is fantastic. L and I saw them at live Metro a couple of years ago. Why can't more new music come out that I like....sometimes I miss the 80's. [blushing emoticon].
Think I am going to play more music tonight it seems to be helping. I asked L if he wanted to go out to a club but I just got a strange look. He doesn't like going too much any more cause his hearing is shot and its no fun, he can't talk to anyone over the music. Maybe I'll break out the turntables instead...it's been a while.
Last edited on 22 March 2008 11:52 pm by mollymoo24
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zenobia
Moderator
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Posted: 23 March 2008 05:13 am |
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i absolutely loved your descrption of laying on the wall and your expereinces on the island. wow. it sounds like it was amazing. i would love to have an experience like that!
and music is the best medicine, in my book (ok, choloate might take the cake). so you have a record player ( i assume taht's what you meant by turntables). i love records! to me, they sound loads better than cds and they just look cool. i hope you ahve a good relaxing night! enjoy your easter!
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Beth
Senior Member
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Posted: 23 March 2008 01:21 pm |
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MM, so sorry for your pain. I think we've all been there. Same song, maybe a different verse. The good news is if you can survive and get your meeting in order before the surgery, you won't have to worry about it during and after the surgery. Sometimes we just have to look at that glass and say it's half full because life just ain't easy!!!!
I also have one of those Kodak moments in time on a cliff. It was in California. It was so breathtakingly beautiful I made myself memorise it in my mind. I wanted it to be there for a lifetime. I often revisit that place during meditation. I hope to physically get back there someday. I cried all the way back to Mississippi. I left a part of my soul there. I still feel like something went wrong on the assembly line to place me in Mississippi...I've never felt like I belong here.
I hope you and yours have a great Easter. It is a time of renewal and rebirth. Renewal and rebirth aren't always easy! Just think of when you were born what you went through!
The most important part of this lectern...congratulations on the 163#. I'm so jealous!!! Just keep looking in that mirror and loving what you see!!!
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 23 March 2008 04:04 pm |
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So Happy to Be Overweight
163.5 . I am prematurely celebrating a little but I can't help it. If I am still at this weight or lower tomorrow I will do a ticker update. At the very top of this page there is a post where I mention my goal to be at 163 by April 5 for when I see my Dad. I forgot to mention the other super significance of this weight target - my BMI. 163.5 is officially "overweight" and no longer "obese" with a 29.9 BMI according to the CPH calculator. Super fantastic!! And yep, I can see a massive difference from where I was just under 3 months ago at a BMI of 36.9. Such a motivation to be a good girl today and eat my salad and eat only a very small portion of "Joe's Potatoes" at the MIL's house. Fortifying my resolve against a very tempting situation coming up!
Thank goodness I found cph and my supportive friends here. If I hadn't, there is not a shred of doubt that I would have fallen off the wagon a long time ago. Thank you all...
Wishing everyone a Happy Easter. The sun is shining here, the snow is melting, my anxiety has retreated to a managable level (thank you Xanax), I am seeing family today, and I am going to try to just be who I am, and live real life in the moment, for the next 8 hours.
Last edited on 23 March 2008 04:17 pm by mollymoo24
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Scoobees
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 23 March 2008 09:07 pm |
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A big congrats for making your goal ahead of time!!! Fantastic!!! And so long to the 'obese' catagory forever!!!! 
Enjoy Easter with your family!
Scoobs
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 24 March 2008 03:08 am |
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This Light is Healing My Body
Entered "Meditation" into youtube as an experiment and I sortof enjoyed doing this one. Even though I don't believe in the breath of the water angels...but that makes it more abstract and relaxing in a way....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNjaB0DoA_g
I've got the link here so I can try it again tomorrow. If you try it let me know what you think.
Managed to get through Easter at MIL's eating lots of veg and controlled portions of chicken and Joe's potatoes. Good for me. I really do a good job when I have a plan ahead of time!
Taking Xanax again tonight, I can't believe I am so wigged out that I can only function with medication. Let's hope the "interview" in the AM goes well...I'll let you all know.
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mollymoo24
Senior Member
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Posted: 25 March 2008 12:34 am |
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Remains of The Day
First, the official ticker update at 163.5, with the 29.9 BMI.
Second, I did survive today, although I had to take a Xanax before the meeting. It wasn't terrible and it wasn't wonderful either. At least it was 8AM so I didn't have to wait around all day.
I have to go do some more shopping soon. I put on the planned power outfit for today and the new pants looked |
