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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 25 January 2007 06:45 am |
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I've been bingeing lately. I don't know how to deal with the anxiety I'm having. I get desperate. I'm not sure why. I think I want attention or comfort-some kind of comfort.
Emotional maybe. I hope writing on here helps me. Knowing that someone might read this and relate, I won't feel so alone. Having this eating disorder. I wanted to lose weight, but now it seems like I don't want it bad enough. I'm creating bad habits and I don't know when I'm going to stop over-eating. I know I need to sit down in silence and clear my mind to find what it is that is bothering me. It becomes easier to just stuff my anxiety and problems with food. It isn't really easy, it just seems like it in the moment.
I give in to the crying child inside wanting to constantly eat even when she's not hungry.
Just because I know that eating will make me happy for awhile. In the end I have gained a problem. Weight gain. I'm afraid I've gained a problem worse than weight gain. And that is feeling like a failure, unaccepted, etc, because that is where we come from.
But even if I accept my weight I don't think that can fix this behavioral problem of stuffing my emotions. So I really hope writing this can help me. I've drifted away from my feelings and I want to get back to them. While writing this I think of all the people that would laugh or just would want to humiliate me for being myself. It's so sad for me.
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 25 January 2007 06:49 am |
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Welcome, Miss K
We've each got our own problems here, and we share some others. But, we are here to get and give support. Glad you joined us Hope we can be of some help and vice versa
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Sylphide
New Member
| Joined: | 1 August 2006 |
| Location: | Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 79 |
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Posted: 25 January 2007 03:46 pm |
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Hi Miss Katz and welcome. I binge, too. It's so hard to find anything else as comforting. I think I'm going to try a Tops group starting Monday. Group support is about the only thing I haven't tried.
Good luck here. Sometimes talking about it is the first step to getting a handle on the whole thing. Keep us posted.
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Patchers
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 25 January 2007 07:48 pm |
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I'm afraid I've gained a problem worse than weight gain. And that is feeling like a failure, unaccepted, etc, because that is where we come from.
Miss Katz,
I can guarantee that you are ACCEPTTED HERE! Keep posting everyone here wants you to succeed.
Patchers
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paperdoll
New Member
| Joined: | 4 October 2006 |
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| Posts: | 30 |
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Posted: 26 January 2007 07:33 pm |
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Miss -
I've struggled with binge eating as a result of other eating disorders, so I can relate to how you feel.
Something that helped me figure out why I was binging was holding myself to a certain calorie allotment everyday. I used my RMR as somewhere to start, that way I could rule out the binges as a physiological response, and realize I was binging for the emotional response. Maybe setting yourself a calorie intake amount that isn't really even weight loss related, to start with, will help. Because, heck, you'll probably lose a little weight if you can circumvent the binges. Just an idea...I hope this gives you a little insight.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 28 January 2007 06:23 am |
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Thanks for all the support. I've been counting my calories even when I binge. I have been bingeing less, but it is also because I'm trying to avoid excess sugar. It makes me really depressed. I'm going through mild withdrawal right now. Slowly I plan to eliminate as much sugar as I can possibly bear. Not carbohydrates, but just excess/added sugar. The day when I wrote the first post and did a search for this site I was depressed and I believe it was all the sugar I've been bingeing on. It's no wonder people find it so hard to lose weight, when it's the sugar low or withdrawal that depresses them. In some cases anyway. I begin to think of when I was depressed a few years ago. Really depressed. My diet consisted of excess chocolate, gum, sweetened drinks, cakes and candy, and fast foods with sugar in it. I even had anxiety then-bad anxiety. I know alot of things contributed to my problems, but just to think that my diet made it worse than it was suppose to be makes me think what if. What if I didn't eat all that junk, trying to cure my headaches and anxiety and stuff my emotions. Things would be different now and my choices would have been different. I regret everything. But I have to forgive myself because I didn't know what I know now, but I'm afraid I still don't know enough. What's my excuse now? It's sad when I depend on food for happiness. It's such an addiction and it shows. I wish the world didn't have an ideal that I feel I have to live up to. I wish they would just let me be myself. But then that would mean they are enablers of my addiction to food and sugar. Imagine if they stopped caring, maybe I would too, which means I might kill myself with this addiction. Right now the addiction isn't as bad, but I fear it can become worse. I'm 5'4 and currently eating 1800-2500 calories on average and some days 3000+. I feel out of control and it's almost like a part of me gives myself permission to be this way. Almost encouraging myself to be careless instead of careful. I wish I could be healthy for the right reasons, not just because I want to be like a tv star or whatever. The health I need is mental and emotional. That is the whole root of my overeating. I need to face my feelings, but I don't know how. I'm so use to not feeling them. Except for the way I feel when I'm out of control and just binged. What am I feeling? Despair, anger, loneliness. Fear. I'm afraid of my feelings taking over.
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Nir
Senior Administrator
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Posted: 28 January 2007 11:26 pm |
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| Back in october I was doing some bingeing and not quite sure how to quit. My mum heard of something called 'Overeaters Anonymous' and suggested it. I've been going to meetings for a few months and I think it has helped me. You could look into it.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 30 January 2007 10:20 am |
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Thanks, I will look into Overeaters Anonymous. I saw question 13.
Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble? That's me. I eat to escape my troubles and worries. Good to know. I'm thinking of starting Slimfast Optima tomorrow. I want to lose 25lbs. I binged today and kept eating even though I felt sick and I didn't know why, I guess it was to not think. Replace one worry with another. I planned my binge too. It was fun planning it, but no fun eating it because I felt so sick and full fast. I feel I have to finish what I start, eat it all. But I don't want to be hungry or wanting so I overdo it. I hate hunger, I get so desperate. I just want to be able to eat like a normal weight person. I want to feel light and energetic. Not sick and stuffed, with a sugar low that might cause depression symptoms. It's easier for me to ignore this problem because I'm no longer obese to remind me. But I don't want to undo all my hard work and I don't want skin problems from the losing and gaining cycle. I appreciate my body, it's my emotions I have a problem with. I always think I'm either too sensitive or not sensitive enough. Semi-stable. I don't know if that's the root of anything, just a thought. I think things will be okay. I'm not as depressed as before. I'm optimistic that I will go on a 'diet' and lose weight and one day maintain it with little worry.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 30 January 2007 10:31 am |
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compulsive overeating problem- that's what I have. It's an obsessive compulsive problem-I don't want to leave any food left over, why? It's almost like I make a goal to eat everything in sight until it's gone. Like, I must do it. I don't know why, just a compulsion. I need to take control mentally of this and decide that it's not worth it to keep doing this to myself. I accomplish nothing by overeating. Just to settle that feeling inside that says I'm not done until it's gone. I'm going to try to read and practice the twelve steps because I also have other addictions they can help me with. I keep looking at the food, as if that were the problem, but I know the problem is me eating compulsively. I could have stopped after a few bites if I was full, but I didn't. Not because it tasted too good to stop, but because it was one more moment in that bite that I didn't have to think about whatever was bothering me. One more moment to escape with each bite of any food, preferably something with sugar. I like sugar. I have too many cavities. I wonder what would happen if I turned into a monk and stripped myself of all my addictions and compulsions and obsessions... I wonder.
Last edited on 30 January 2007 10:33 am by miss katz
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 2 February 2007 06:56 am |
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I feel so helpless. I keep bingeing and can't stop myself. Right now I'm trying not to eat, at this very moment. I feel so pathetic. I'm not trying very hard, but I'm trying to get my internal - in order. Somehow. I'm hoping one day, or even little by little I will learn to eat the way I'm suppose to-when I'm hungry. Not when I'm full or anxious. That's what I'm hoping for. I've eaten about 2170 calories today. I feel lost. Hope it goes better tomorrow. I'm sick of quick and easy yo-yo dieting and following what everyone says is the magic way of losing weight. I don't even believe there is a point to eating fruits and vegetables if I take a vitamin with anti-oxidants. It's like hearing a broken record telling me over and over again, this is the way, but that way doesn't make sense to me, it never did. Only my way worked, but now my way isn't working. My mind set is different, it changed. I'm not a fighter anymore. I think I'm more like a peacemaker now. I'm trying to forgive myself and not rush into anything I'm not prepared for. Maybe I am 'medicating' myself with food. That sounds so horrible. But so what if I'm medicating myself with food. I think it's only temporarily, until I learn to deal with whatever I have to deal with. A part of me thinks I'm just a drama queen, but if that drama queen will give me a better perspective than I will encourage her. I'm tired of people trying to make certain aspects/concerns seem like they matter less. Like my need to express myself and my opinions. I'm judging myself and not as fairly as I'd want to. I don't know where to find the answer right now.
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 2 February 2007 07:34 pm |
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Miss Katz,
I'm not sure what to say about your eating..........you are doing a lot of analyzing. One piece of advice would be to take it slowly. Some of us have to do it all at once and perfectly, but others have to do this with baby steps.
In Skipperdox's diary, she talks about Non-Scale Victories(NSV's). This week my scale didn't move, but I stayed on plan (a NSV), I skipped the baptism cake and had a 1/2 cup of lite ice cream, I drank all my water each day, I didn't drink any soda pop, I can feel my jeans and work pants are looser......all NSV's. Just take it one step at a time, and keep track of your NSV's. Maybe you will finish off a certain food, but just once, maybe you can toss the leftovers in the garbage instead of eating them???
Miss Katz wrote:
I don't even believe there is a point to eating fruits and vegetables if I take a vitamin with anti-oxidants.
I would disagree with this one, Miss K I eat lots of veggies and fruits because they have lots of fiber..........which helps me feel full and for a longer time.......also, the veggies themselves are filled with so many phytonutrients (which fight and prevent cancer and other diseases) that we haven't even discovered yet.......and another reason I eat the actual thing, is that I have high cholesterol and the fiber helps move the cholesterol through my body and out.
Here's to you getting in control and beating this thing....all the way to a healthy body
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Sylphide
New Member
| Joined: | 1 August 2006 |
| Location: | Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 79 |
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Posted: 3 February 2007 04:13 pm |
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I'm glad you're still writing here, miss Katz. Your eloquent posts speak for all of us with sugar addiction or control problems. I'm currently struggling along with you. Trying to give up sugar and giving in over and over.
I try to remind myself that sugar is the prime cause of heart disease in women, that it increases the risk for cancer, diabetes and depression. I also remind myself that a few years ago I lost 60 pounds simply by cutting out all refined sugar and corn syrup. I don't think I would have "fallen off the wagon" if I hadn't tried the new "sugar-free" ice-creams and other products. Those things seemed to trigger all my old sugar addictions and send me back on the binge train.
I hate an onslaught of "tips" and "keys" myself, so I don't want to add to all that confusion but I will tell you what worked for me a few years ago. When I decided to quit sugar I made sure that was the only thing I did at that time. I went cold turkey on the sweets but I allowed myself as much of anything else that I wanted. I knew I was most vulnerable when I was hungry so I didn't let that happen. I ate bags of chips, gigantic bowls of Cheerios, all the pizza, pasta, or grilled cheese sandwiches I wanted. My first and only goal was to break the sugar habit and I worried about nothing else while that was going on. (I still lost weight.)
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 6 February 2007 07:36 am |
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Sylphide that is amazing what you did. I'm trying to do something like that now and have thought about it. It's a sugar addiction. I'm doing low-carb now to help me. It has been 3 days and I'm doing okay. I think my calories are still high, but I'm thinking, maybe I can eat normally, 1800-2000 calories and workout 2 hours a day or burn 400 calories a day. I calculated I'd lose 3lbs. a month and 33lbs. by the end of the year or 11 months (just by exercising). Then I can still eat alot of calories, but less sugar still. I really want to overcome this addiction.
Hisgal, if we haven't discovered these phytonutrients you would be acting on faith. As for fiber, I have fiber in powder form and have rarely needed it. I find water helps me go. And I have enough fiber in my food anyway. As for feeling full, that does not stop me from eating. My addiction is mental, not because I'm hungry or full. Thank you for the encouragement though. I know I analyze alot, but that is who I am, an analyzer. It's the only thing that has ever really helped me sort my - out. I'm explaining because I want people like you to understand where I'm coming from. And it's my on-line diary to say whatever I want, even if it is wrong. It feels right to express myself. I'm not careless about it because I do analyze it. I heard dietary cholesterol had nothing to do with high cholesterol. And also that it's the sugar that makes fat stick to your arteries. But who knows? We hear so many things repeated so much it's hard to find the truth.
I want to at least keep my eating low-carb for the rest of the year. Of course I will cheat, but hopefully not enough to ruin things. I am definitely in the baby steps category, I'm not such a perfectionist as I used to be. Today a strawberry shortcake was calling my name, but I bought pork rhines instead. I know I can do it because I've done it before. It's just the repetition. About taking things slow, I know that. I just lose my patience sometimes when I write, but that's okay. Because I have heard of people losing 30lbs. quick then I assume I can do it too. But really I'm not willing to work that hard for it. I remind myself this is a lifestyle change. I am going slow enough for me, because I know me, and how I am. And it's okay if I don't have the answers and if I say it. Oh what's the point? Take what you want and leave the rest.
As for weighing myself, I don't have a problem with obsessive weighing, I understand that it's pointless especially when you have to factor in water weight, etc.
I enjoy working out, but once I stop I get used to not doing it and get lazy and it becomes so hard to start again, but I'm looking forward to starting again when I do. I take things slowly because I have learned self forgiveness. I am not a robot. I wonder sometimes though, am I taking things too slowly? I feel better not eating so much sugar. It makes me sick, but still so addicting. Am I addicted to feeling sick?
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 6 February 2007 09:44 pm |
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Miss Katz,
I get the feeling that I stepped on your toes, so to speak........and I didn't mean to do that. I apologize if I did
Hisgal, if we haven't discovered these phytonutrients you would be acting on faith
We have discovered lots and lots of them, and know what they do to fight disease. It's just that the "experts" feel there are many more, that are doing their part to fight off disease, that we haven't discovered yet, but will in the future. If you have the time to read, I'd recommend "The China Study" and "Eat to Live" They have a wealth of information, even if you don't follow the eating plan.
I heard dietary cholesterol had nothing to do with high cholesterol. And also that it's the sugar that makes fat stick to your arteries. But who knows? We hear so many things repeated so much it's hard to find the truth.
I have heard that too, but I heard it on a commercial.......by a drug company........pushing their cholesterol-lowering drugs
But, from what I've read, the part about sugar making your bad-cholesterol "stickier" is true. Remember that all carbohydrates break down into sugars. After eating low fat for about 8 months, my cholesterol went down, but my triglyercides almost doubled (157 to 298-I ate a lot of pasta, bread and rice) and I was told that if they are high, it's worse than if your cholesterol is high. This technician who did the blood tests, recommended going on a modified low carb diet, and I did. Well, my triglycerides really dropped (to around 65), but my cholesterol went back up. I'm presuming from all the fat in the meats I was eating.
Is there a perfect diet? I doubt it........it has to be what works for you (each of us) and what you can live with for the rest of your life. By the way, I loved the pork rinds too, when I was doing low carb.
Hope all goes well for you
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 7 February 2007 07:41 am |
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Well thanks Hisgal. It looks like if you have bad cholesterol, you can't eat much of anything then. "The China Study" and "Eat to Live" maybe I'll look into that later.
I'm not searching for new diet information right now. Just trying to manage my own way of eating, but thanks anyway. I've read about low-carb. It helped me alot, but I just decided to go off it. Now I'm hoping to go back to reap the benefits of lc.
I didn't stick to my low-carb today. I have no idea how many carbs I ate, but I had a craving for chocolate. My calories were too high. Hope I can do better next time. I did really good for awhile not to long ago, don't know what happened, just wanted to eat everything. Now that I remember I have an idea about what happened, I mean, why I got discouraged. I expected too much. That is so wrong for me. No exercise today. I need to rethink why I want to lose weight. I'm not too sure I know why anymore.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 8 February 2007 10:01 am |
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Okay, my eating was normal today. About 1700 calories. I'm going to try again tommorrow. To eat less calories. I know I can do it. I think I can do it in three months.
Really it's just 25lbs. more. It's just these bad habits. I just need to find the proper motivation. And exercise, blah. I'll do it when I feel like it. There are a bunch of slim people that don't exercise much and look great. And I've lost weight not exercising much. I guess that has to do more with tone and definition of muscles. I think my tone is good. But my arms might get flabby under. When I was losing weight they got flabby, but then the skin got tighter so they are normal now. I guess it takes time for the skin to catch up. My belly is a little flabby, but it's mostly fat rather than skin. Hope that tightens up when I lose weight. Okay, three months. I've been planning to do this and every time I fail. Okay, by summer. May or June....
Why not? I just have to focus on what I want. I'm going to hate having to go shopping again though. People say that's fun, but I don't think so. Having your pants falling off. Maybe it will be easier to find my size though, especially in tops. I hope I lose more boobs. I have to be careful what I write here. There is always someone that thinks they can tell you what to do. And it's not just about weight for me. I have absolutely no fashion sense. That's so terrible. I like too much to be comfortable rather than pretty. I hope one day I can, I don't know, enhance my beauty somehow.
I look up fashion tips and I do them, but that does not help me. I think my body shape is awkward, even though people say it's proportionate. It's proportionate in an awkward way. And it's not my posture, I have good posture and I'm confident most of the time, even when I look like -. But then I see pictures of me and I look....messy. I guess it's the same thing like losing weight. You have to want it and focus and find the proper motivation. I guess growing up being a nerd didn't help me much so I stopped caring.
I know accessories make a difference, I just always find a reason to not wear them.
I wish I could look good without having to do anything. No make-up, not fancy hair, no heels. Just me, but I'm so plain and people are so judgemental about me being fair. They always think I need blush or something. It's so annoying. One of these days I'm going to put on red lipstick and nailpolish to see if they have something to say, of course people always find something..... hmmm, classic is boring, but if I want to be lazy I have to wear classic stuff. A black dress and red lipstick, tada! I hate uncomfortable heels. And pantyhose are worse...what is a girl to do?
I wish I could be more objective with myself. I feel so pathetic right now.
Aren't those shows funny, the geek to chic ones. I always like those.
But they go so overboard. Leopard dress, bleached hair and a boob job.
I guess they try to make up for lost time. They look nice. They must be happy with all the attention. That's another thing. I never liked attention because of my appearance. Maybe I have a negative view of it because growing up I was teased because of my hair, weight, skin, everything. And it was negative. So I began to get by without too much positive attention. I began to not care or want any positive attention at all and when I got it I was suspicious, like, what do they want now.
It's so hard to reteach myself that looks do matter, even if they don't matter to me.
I know I sound like a hypocrite and I am, but the reason I worry about my appearance is because other people worry about it and I just want to avoid all the negative comments and feelings that I'm just not good enough.
Part of the negative attention I got was sexual harrassment. Will it ever stop and how does somebody deal with that? I get frustrated and angry because I get mixed messages. You have to be pretty and sexy, but nobody cares if you are harrassed. I feel humiliated. I can't even wear anything sexy without thinking that some - is going to say something to me and I will have the need to confront them. I usually confront them because I feel that is my only chance at getting respect. I'm so angry just writing about this.
I know, part of the reason why women allow themselves to get fat is to avoid this kind of attention. It makes me want to start something, like a group or something.....
arg...
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sunkissed
New Member
| Joined: | 7 February 2007 |
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| Posts: | 6 |
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Posted: 9 February 2007 04:20 am |
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| hey dolllll, just stopping in your journal to say hi :) emotional eating is really a big factor for me too. I've learned that picking up hobbies, things that make me HAPPY, are really good ways to keep myself in the right frame of mind, not the depressing or self-degrading state that inevitably leads me to eat everything in sight. good luck with everything, we're both on the right track and i'm looking forward to seeing some nice positive results by summer :) hope you had a good day today!
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 9 February 2007 08:12 am |
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Thank you sunkissed:) Today I did better than the past days. My calories are 1660. I looked at the calculator, it says I should be eating something like that. 1 year, I would have to wait 1 year. I want to lose weight faster, but I don't know if I will or if it's a good idea to eat less than this.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 10 February 2007 08:36 am |
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I've been doing good. Eating less and less everyday. Don't know how low I will go, hopefully 1400 calories. I'm starting with 1600 for now. If I eat 1400 I can lose 25lbs. in 5 months, but if my weight is less I will burn less, which will make it even harder to lose consistently. So I will have to lower my calories to 1300 at 145lbs. and to 1250 at 140lbs. and 1200 at 135lbs. , 1100 at 130lbs. for the last month. That's pretty low...hope I can do that. But if I take a year it will be 1500 at 145lbs, 1450 at 140lbs. and 1350 at 135lbs, and 1250 at 130lbs. for the last month. I hope this won't slow my metabolism too much. And to maintain 125lbs. I will have to eat 1600 calories, unless I exercise, then I can eat 1800. If I decide I look better at 130lbs I can eat 1700 to maintain it, and that's not too bad, with exercise 1900. I have no idea what I would look like at 130lbs. The lowest I was was 144lbs. but then I gained 6lbs. I looked okay, but still had a slightly big belly. I really hope I don't have to weigh less than 125 to look the way I want. Today on Nightline I saw that alot of models smoke to maintain their anorexic weights. I'm surprised they are still alive. It looks like I have 30lbs. of fat in my belly, but I know that sounds crazy. My body fat is around 22% according to my measurements, but I'm not exactly sure. I hear that's normal, but I have a belly. I think I look okay everywhere else. Well if at 125lbs. this belly isn't gone I will just have to accept it. I don't have a small frame so if I go under I will look and be underweight. I want to be able to wear a bikini if I want. I mean I can wear one now, but I know people would wonder, why is she wearing a bikini with that fat belly? I'm so use to being fat, I sometimes think I look too skinny now, except for my belly. I really hope the media and society will change one day and accept beauty in larger sizes. I hope one day I feel like I'm small enough and stop torturing myself with these thoughts of food obsession and sugar addiction and cycle of gaining and losing.
I feel like a broken record, but I have to write about what I'm thinking and feeling and this public journal encourages me to, because I know others will understand me.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 11 February 2007 10:00 am |
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I did good today 1320 calories. I only did 1/2 an hour exercise. I'm going to try to do more tomorrow. I don't think I drank enough water today. I think I need to put a little more thought into my meals, I don't know why, I guess it's all the brainwashing about what I'm suppose to eat on a 'healthy' diet. Whatever, but who knows, I do like some 'healthy' stuff. I just get bored of it sometimes. Like oatmeal, the one with the fruit in it, why is that so healthy anyway? It has so much sugar...Veggies, I guess I avoid them to rebel, but I actually like some. Maybe tomorrow I will eat beets and spinach and prunes, okay maybe not too many prunes Hmmm, I can make it a vegetable day~just for fun
Hmmm, I was thinking of making a soup too with celery, garlic, spinach, potato...cabbage, I love cabbage. I don't feel as bad as before. Hmmm, maybe Chicken and Prunes.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 13 February 2007 10:03 am |
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I'm doing okay, yesterday I ate 1400 calories, a little less but close, and the day before too. I exercised for an hour yesterday, but wanted to do 2 hours. Hope I can do 2 hours today. I feel sick. I ate too much today, but not over my calories. I ate yogurt and plums and some cake I regret eating. Other than that so far so good, but I realize I'm not getting enough protein so my plan is, 4 scoops of whey protein a day which is 360 calories and 72 grams of protein. The rest of the protein I can get from food. I am aiming for 80 grams, even though I weigh 150. I hear so many things from different places so I'll pick a number that I think should be the minimum at least for my weight and age.
I'm doing my exercise in increments, but I'm doing it and in the end it adds up.
Last edited on 13 February 2007 01:40 pm by miss katz
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 14 February 2007 09:10 am |
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Today I'm doing okay. Haven't totaled my calories, but I am not bingeing or having anxiety or sugar lows. I decided to leave 300 calories to have sweets if I want them.
More calories than that for sweets is not worth it because they are not filling and I will get hungry fast. I had some liver and porkchop today and a yogurt and 2 lolipops and a hershey bar. After my whey protein I should have enough protein for the day. I haven't exercised. Hopefully I will today. Yesterday my legs were sore, and I've been reading that if your muscles are sore they need rest to grow or else they will not grow. I still have to do some more research on that. I'm thinking maybe I should exercise every other day...I don't know if that is enough rest, I will have to see how my body handles it. That means I will be burning less than I planned, unless I do double exercise for the days I miss. Don't know if I can do that or if it's healthy. Patience, I need some patience with myself. I know I can do this, I have done it. I just need to keep my focus.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 February 2007 03:54 pm |
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I overate yesterday, I mean not really for my size, but for my diet I did. 2120 calories.
Blah. If I exercise I should eat more though, so I'll be fine. My body wants food, it seems like it can only take a small deprivation of calories, well actually, 600 calories max.
Hope I do good today.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 16 February 2007 11:26 am |
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Yesterday I did good. 1400 calories, no exercise, except some walking. Today I did a little exercise, haven't eaten much. I had too little protein yesterday. I wonder if having muscles in my abs makes my belly look bigger. If I lose some muscle I can always get them back by working out. So much confusion, but I guess it's because there is so much to learn about our bodies. I looked at myself in the mirror today and thought I looked nice, even if I have excess belly fat. I like my hips and the fat above them, looks very feminine. Today I drank whey with some fiber added, thought I had too much gas or something. How much muscle could I possibly lose within 25lbs. Maybe 10lbs..that's okay, I have alot of muscle in my arms and legs and probably my stomach too, but I wouldn't be able to see it with all the fat, which isn't too bad when I stand, but when I sit, it looks way bigger. Not to mention if I'm bloated. I saw Tyra's show yesterday about body weight and size acceptance. There was an anorexic that was defending herself. She was judgemental, but I think she had a right to be the way she wanted. It's her life. The same for the plus size model. She has a right to be the way she is without people judging her. Of course I'm not against people giving them help, but you can't force help on someone, they have to want it and if they don't want it people need to respect that. I'm so happy she continues to do shows like these. I really respect her. At the end of the show I thought..nobody is wrong. Maybe the problem is more about acceptance and equality rather than weight. It's not right to judge people that are too thin or too fat, or too whatever. They really should see beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as corny as that sounds. I agree with the anorexic, it is relative. I don't think this problem will be solved in my lifetime. People profit too much from it. People are greedy. It's good that more attention is given to it, people shouldn't have to feel alone and isolated, just because the world wants to judge them unfairly.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 February 2007 01:27 pm |
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blah blah blah I overate yesterday. My calories were 2555. I ate when I wasn't hungry, binged. I didn't feel too good. Hope I do better today.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 22 February 2007 05:46 am |
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I have been bingeing again and/or overeating. Just letting myself go. I saw the news and they were talking about diabetes. Scary thought. I want to change and I hope I will make the decision to change everything soon. Sugar is my friend. It's not the enemy, but I need to learn moderation with everything I eat. I know I can make new habits and that it takes time, hard work, and determination, and well, motivation. I'm also having a hard time saying no to food that is offered to me. I have gotten back into my old habit of accepting food given to me, just because I want to overeat, for whatever reason. Maybe anxiety (hidden). I have to be responsible for myself if I want to have a healthy future.
I realize responsibility has nothing to do with growing up. It has to do more with self-love, self-care, and looking ahead.
Last edited on 22 February 2007 05:48 am by miss katz
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Peter
Founder, caloriesperhour.com
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Posted: 24 February 2007 10:00 am |
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We spend our lifetimes developing bad eating habits, then we're discouraged when we can't change them quickly.
Hang in there. I'm looking forward to someday changing the title of your diary to "happy weight diary."
Peter
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 25 February 2007 01:36 am |
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Thanks Peter. I have gained a few lbs. from bingeing. It's almost as if I don't really want to lose weight. Nah, I do want to lose weight. I try, but not hard enough. I let myself go. And the more I eat, the more I want to eat. Right now I'm not in that 'lose weight' mindset. Maybe I'll start tomorrow.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 1 March 2007 05:50 am |
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I haven't been here for awhile, but I am finally in that "diet mindset".
I have been doing good for 4 days now. I weighed myself before I started and my weight wasn't as bad as I thought. It was water weight I had gained, but in total I have gained 7lbs., maybe 8lbs. from my lowest at 144lbs. It took me so long to get there and I ruined it:( just for a few binges. I looked nice at that weight. Can't wait to get back there. Hopefully I will get back there in a couple of months. Originally my goal was 140lbs. and I have yet to reach it. I'll probably look really good at that weight. Of course my goal now is 125lbs., but I'm not totally sure about it. I would be happy to maintain that 144lbs. I was at before because my stomach looked flatter. Right now I am eating throughout the day so I don't get hungry and binge. It's hard to deny myself more food or fattier food, but I'm doing it because I want this. I want to do this, to lose weight and look and feel my best. I'm also eating more fruit. I like fruit, but sometimes I get in that mode of ignoring it and eating other sweets. Right now I'm trying to figure out what I can eat that has little calories and fills me up, for when I run out of calories.
Something I like of course and filling. I'm almost surprised that I am not too hungry. I hope my body gets use to less calories without thinking it's starving and wanting to binge. Day 4, I will see if by day 7 I don't get an urge to binge eat. It feels so good to reach day 4, it always does. I have been here so many times and then would start eating more and more. I need to keep my eye on the prize, which is, feeling good about my body, not just okay with it.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 5 March 2007 08:32 am |
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Today is day 8. I have lost 1lbs. yippie. I just have to do this 24 more times and I'm at goal. It feels good to see the scale a pound less. I feel good with what and how I'm eating right now. No hunger, no deprivation, just very good control:) I'm only eating things that have a calorie count because I don't want to do guesses or inaccurate estimates. I hope I keep this up even after I reach goal. It's just not worth it to go back to my old way of eating and guessing estimates. Better to be sure and safe. I'm eating all day or feel like I am because the things I eat are low calorie which allows me to eat more. I eat for fun mostly since my hunger is gone. I guess I don't give myself time to get hungry. I eat about every 2-3 hours. More like grazing. Finally I'm doing what I should have been doing a long time ago.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 11 March 2007 05:17 am |
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I have been doing okay. I was a bit worried yesterday and thought I'd overeat, but I didn't. I'm down another pound. Today is day 13 I think. Almost 2 weeks and I feel good. I've been eating alot of fruit and yogurt. I'm also choosing whole wheat breads over white. I have chocolate and junkfood occasionally, but I've been having it less and craving it less too. A complete turnaround from a few weeks ago when I was in binge mode. I don't think I'm getting enough protein, but I feel good anyway.
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zenobia
Moderator
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Posted: 12 March 2007 03:31 am |
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congrats on the success and for reaching that "diet mindset". honestly, that has to be the toughest part. i have been binging consistantly lately and can totally relate to what you have had to say on that subject.
also, just wanted to say that i like your style of writing. it's very candid.
hope you continue with your success!
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 13 March 2007 01:36 pm |
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Thank you Zenobia. I'm so happy to have this mindset right now. I don't know how I did it, but I knew that eventually I would get to it because I have in the past. I think I'm happily addicted to apples and low-calorie yogurt. I am enjoying them so much and also tunafish with crackers, I liked it so much I wanted to have seconds, but then that would be too many calories. I'm happy that I replaced the junk food I use to eat with fruit and yogurt, it has alot of sugar too, but it fills me up more and has fewer calories. I still eat hershey's about once a week, but my cravings for junkfoods I use to eat are gone. I crave yogurt and apples and oranges. I'm having fun eating again:) I use to avoid fruit and yogurt because I never thought it could satisfy me and because people are always pushing the 'healthy' way of eating on me. I am eating the foods I like to eat. It's still hard to eat enough vegetables. I like them sometimes, but I'm not into them enough to want to eat them. But maybe what happened with the fruit can happen with the veggies someday. I use to think I was a 'protein' type, but maybe I'm not because I'm rarely eating or craving meat. When I eat cheeseburgers I crave cheeseburgers, but now that I'm eating other foods I crave more of what I'm eating, in a good way, not an uncontrollable way.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 25 March 2007 06:12 am |
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This is almost my fourth week and I have been doing well. It is getting easier. I am eating less and avoiding bingeing. I haven't weighed myself yet, but my clothes are fitting looser. It takes less food to feel full now. I get to eat my favorite foods by saving 100 calories a day and saving my walking calories, then at the end of the week I can eat something high calorie with them. I haven't started moderate exercise yet, maybe later.
My motivation for exercise would be to eat all the extra calories I burn. Wow, I'm actually here, doing good. Taking it one day at a time and believing in myself. No crazy binges. I'm so proud of myself:)...the more I eat healthy, the more I want to. I'm not deprived at all. I just avoid others swaying me or sabotaging my diet and it's a piece of cake to say NO. I even told everyone since my birthday is coming up: don't buy me cake, put a candle on fruit or something:) Not that I don't eat cake, I do eat cake, but I must know the calorie count, plan it and have a craving for it or else it's just not worth the 300+ calories per slice. I now prefer real food to junkfood and understand that my calories are better spent on a healthy meal rather than junkfood. I did replace a meal with junkfood before, but it's a rare thing. I just had a craving for cake and chips. Once in 4 weeks isn't too bad at all. I'm having about 3 meals and 1-2 snacks a day. I'm eating stuff that's easy to make, microwavable or whatever. I don't like to spend more than 5 minutes preparing food, but it's just my personal preference. So just because I don't cook doesn't mean I can't diet. Piece of cake, piece of pie.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 28 March 2007 05:52 am |
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I have been doing good. I just remembered I'm only losing 1/2 a pound a week, not 1.5. I guess with all the water weight I lost in the beginning I thought I was losing more. According to the calculations my maintenance calories are 1750ish and I'm eating 1400 because it's the minimum I can eat so I would lose 2.5lbs. a month. I CAN'T lose more than that even if I wanted to, because I don't want to lower my metabolism and if I exercise I'd have to eat the calories burned because again I don't want to lower my metabolism. Even though working out raises metabolism, but I don't know by how much. I know if I gained some muscle that would burn more, but then I'd have to eat more too.
So I would still be losing at the same pace.
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Nir
Senior Administrator
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Posted: 28 March 2007 08:21 pm |
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I broadly agree with your analysis: your calorie deficit should be 15-20% of your energy requirements, so as activity goes up so should the calories.
However, let's have a closer look at numbers. I'm going to use my numbers to illustrate.
my unadjusted RMR = 1450.
if I'm sedentary, maintenance is 1740, I need to eat 1479, my deficit is 261, I lose 1lb every 13.4 days.
if I'm moderately active, maintenance is 2248, I need to eat 1910, my deficit is 338, I lose 1lb every 10.4 days.
So I take 22% less time to lose the fat, plus I can enjoy eating those extra 431 calories, and both eating more (and eating often) and exercising have metabolism-raising effects (not to mention health effects).
Just an alternative perspective.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 30 March 2007 08:01 am |
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Thanks Nir. That helps me alot. I'm going to go figure out my RMR calculations for exercise. If I can lose it faster and eat more that's good. I thought I had to eat whatever I burned so I thought-what's the point?, but now I see I don't have to eat ALL of what I burn. I can add it to my deficit.
I did my calculations. I'm actually losing about 3lbs. a month sedentary, not 2.5. If I were to be moderately active I'd lose 3.5lbs. a month and get to eat 1800 calories.
I'm going to start walking everyday. I could think of all the foods I can eat with those 1800 calories.
Last edited on 30 March 2007 08:23 am by miss katz
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 31 March 2007 04:59 am |
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Nir I'm a bit confused. I did my own calculations. I'm 5'4" 147lbs. and if I eat 1800 doing moderate exercise, the calories still don't add up. 1 hour of moderate walking for me burns about 200 calories according to the activity calculator. I'm 26 y.o. That only burns half of the extra 400 calories I would be eating over what my body needs (1400). How could I lose that extra weight or even continue losing the 3lbs. a month I would lose eating 1400 calories? How much can exercising raise my metabolism? I'm still going to keep walking/exercising anyway. I just don't want to sabotage myself accidentally, just to follow a calculator that doesn't seem to add up.
I'm so stuffed right now. I ate too much, even though I'm within my calorie range-I ate too much for this meal . About 800-900 calories. I feel so sick. I can't do this anymore. It's not worth it to feel so stuffed. Feeling full is good, but stuffed-I can't anymore. Next time I decide to eat chinese food I'm only going to eat 1/2 of it. I thought I would be able to eat the whole thing, but I was so wrong.  I wasn't too hungry when I ate it, but it had been over 4 hours since I had eaten last. I walked for an hour today and burned about 200 calories. I can still eat another 265 calories today, but maybe I won't.
I can save them for tomorrow. This is my 32nd day on my diet and so far so good.
If I am able to eat 1800 calories with moderate exercise that would help me when it comes time to maintaining my weight because the calories would be about the same to maintain 125lbs.
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Nir
Senior Administrator
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Posted: 31 March 2007 03:28 pm |
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hi. I must admit that the verbal definition of 'moderately active, moderate exercise or sports 3-5 days a week' needs some interpretation, just to double-check that it applies to the individual.
maintenance calories, sedentary, for a whole week: 1400 x 1.2 x 7 = 11,760
maintenance calories, moderately active, for a whole week: 1400 x 1.55 x 7 = 15,190
difference in calories: 15,190 - 11,760 = 3420
difference in calories per day of exercise (assume 5 days): 3420/5 = 686
conclusion: in order to count yourself modreately active, your extra activities on those 5 active days should be in the region of 686 calories extra per day. [are they?]
If they are, then indeed calorie intake should increase from around 1400 to around 1800 (giving a defiit of 358, losing 3 lb in 30 days)
I just don't want to sabotage myself accidentally
then I'd beware over-estimating your exercise calories - check them out in the activity calculator to have a rough idea of what you're burning.
I'm so stuffed right now. I ate too much, even though I'm within my calorie range-I ate too much for this meal. About 800-900 calories
That would be a good argument for eating your calories in 5 smaller meals. At 1800 that would work out 360 per meal. I do understand the problem with eating out, large servings, and (especially) buffet situations. Otherwise (if not a buffet) consider taking some of the food home with you.
[Last night I had an opportunity to go to a party with a buffet. So I skipped it and went to an OA meeting instead - I know where my weakness lies.]
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 1 April 2007 02:10 pm |
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Thanks Nir. I thought it seemed strange. I'm not burning an extra 600+ calories a day. I'm going to workout to eat more and feel better and just continue as I was. I'm going to try to stop eating when I'm full and save the rest for later. I was planning on going to a buffet soon. I don't want to be sick. Maybe going to a buffet is not a good idea? I'll limit myself to two plates anyhow, plus some icecream (1cup). There is still fun in variety even if I won't be able to eat alot. It's just not worth it to feel so sick. I can't believe I put up with that sickness when I was obese. Constantly stuffing myself, but now it makes me ill because it's not a common thing anymore. I can see why smaller people always think it's so easy to lose weight, they were never obese. I remember as an obese person it was so easy for me to binge probably because my stomach was stretched out and I could eat alot. The next morning I would be starving, so hungry I'd start to panic. I'm no longer hungry like that. Food seems to be less important to me now, at least the amount. I still like and eat my favorite foods. I appreciate them more because I eat less of them. I already know what I want to eat when I go to the buffet. Crab legs, chicken and icecream. That's what I ate last time I went. I have a healthy balance now between healthy food and junk food. I didn't get rid of my junk food habits, but now they are more balanced because I crave fruit and yogurt the same way I crave/miss junkfoods. I'm really careful about planning my meals in advance. I have to so that I can stay within my limit and not panic about what I'm eating. I hate having to estimate calories. At the buffet I'm going to assume I'm going to eat 2000-4000 calories. I'll do extra walking to burn the extra calories, I estimated walking an hour a day for two weeks will burn off 2600 calories if I eat 4000 calories. I guess I will do an estimate when I get there, bring my pencil and paper and calculator.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 4 April 2007 09:09 am |
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I didn't walk today. I completely forgot. But I did get enough protein. I'm aiming for 85 grams even though my body requires 75. When you heat protein it loses some so I just added a bit more just in case. I had over my needed amount today. About 95 grams and still within 1410 calories. I didn't think I could do it, but I can, I just have to pay attention to the foods I eat. I haven't been eating enough protein in the last month I've been dieting, but this month I'm making an effort to eat enough protein. This is my protein req. without exercising, but with working out I think I have to eat more, not sure how much right this minute. Something else that really helps me too is having a folder with all the dieting/nutrition information I need. I use it as a reference. My next thing is to get enough fiber. I think it's 25 grams for me, but I'm not sure. I'm not keeping track right now. So many numbers...I'm not craving foods I use to. I still eat fast foods every week so I don't crave pizza or mcdonalds or whatever. I found a way to fit it into my calorie count. Of course I have to be very picky because I can't have it all at once. Sometimes I think I want something-like pizza , but when I have it, it isn't as good as I thought it was. Other times it is as good, but sometimes I feel like I'm making myself eat these foods so that I won't have an uncontrollable craving for it later. I am learning that if I am full I don't have to keep eating, especially when it comes to fast food. I think "I bought this and craved it and now I'm too stuffed to finish it, but I have to eat it because..." whatever reason isn't worth feeling sick over. It's so strange to feel this way.
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miss katz
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 5 April 2007 07:16 am |
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| So here is what I ate yesterday. I don't normally post what I eat, but in case someone wanted to know to get an idea maybe for their own plan. I didn't have fruit because I lik | | |
