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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 16 June 2012 01:54 am |
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Hello, everyone!
It's been a long time since I've posted here. I've had a lot of time to reflect on my life, and I've decided to give this a go again.
Firstly, I gained all of my weight back. It has made me disappointed in myself, but there's no use focusing on the past. I can't change it, I can only look ahead.
On Monday of last week, June 4, I started back on the journey to good health. That morning, I weighed in at 380 pounds. My last official weigh-in was this past Monday, June 11, which came in at 368 pounds.
For anyone reading this who doesn't know, I lost over 160 pounds a few years ago. I learned a lot of things, and developed a lot of new habits, both good and bad.
Here is what I have learned NOT to do again:
1.) Take the all or nothing approach: The last time I did this, I got down to a diet of 1200 calories per day and worked out 1.5 hours a day, 6 days a week. This is not sustainable for me.
2.) Fasting: Ultimately, I started this because I repeatedly hit a plateau of 205 pounds. My first fast might have actually had some health benefits, but eventually it became a bad habit.
3.) Be so hard on myself: I am human. I am imperfect. But...I am trying. I want to be a better me, but that doesn't mean I will never make mistakes. Life is a journey, with mountains and valleys, plateaus and plains.
I am currently on a diet of roughly 1800 calories per day, with 30 minutes of exercise daily. Eventually, I'd like to work up to 1 hour, but 30 minutes is fine for now. I am not doing "low carb" or "low fat". I believe in balance. Most of my carbs come from whole grains, fruits, and vegetables, and I monitor the types of fat I consume. I also stay away from artificial ingredients as much as I can.
Also, I've made a new discovery about my body. This past Sunday, I went and had some blood work done. It turns out that my testosterone level is that of a 70-80+ year old man. While my level was considered "normal", the normal range is very wide, and does not consider age. It was 266 ng/dL. At 30 years old, the average level is in the 600's. So, after talking to my family and doctor, I've decided to start hormone replacement therapy (HRT). I get my first injection tomorrow. I know this is not a "miracle cure", but I'm hoping it will give me a boost in my efforts.
My blood work also showed a severe deficiency in Vitamin D. It's supposed to be about 50 L, and mine is 11 L. My doc prescribed me a powerful Vitamin D supplement, and I've been taking it. My energy level has increased considerably.
My cholesterol came back at 212. It's supposed to be 200 or less. It's actually not bad considering the circumstances. Eating right and exercising should take care of this, in time.
Also, I set a strict goal before to get down to 170. I am not restricting myself to a goal weight. I will take it as it comes.
Finally, I am working on my self esteem. I deserve better than how I've treated myself. I am worth being healthy. I am worth being loved. And I am a stud in hiding, and my sexy ninjutsu skills are coming out! :D
More to come. Thanks for listening, and I'm glad to be back.
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 30 December 2007 |
| Location: | Chicago, USA |
| Posts: | 7173 |
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Posted: 16 June 2012 02:02 am |
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| I saw your name and broke out in a huge smile! Welcome back Nick, it is great to have you back again. xoxo Mol
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Nancy_in_GA
Moderator
| Joined: | 8 January 2009 |
| Location: | NE, Georgia USA |
| Posts: | 2433 |
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Posted: 16 June 2012 03:38 am |
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Welcome back Nick!
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Nir
Senior Administrator
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Posted: 16 June 2012 04:21 am |
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Great post. My 'take 1' at dieting was in 1996, 'take 2' was 2003 and 'take 3' was the charm in 2006 (in my 30s with sufficient maturity to stick at it "for life") and indeed I find that "working on myself" is key.
(For what it is worth, I found that a "1200 calorie diet" achieved by eating vegetables/beans/fruit and some meat but almost eliminating grains worked great for me (easy to execute and giving great results) until my BMI got below 20 at which point I was just too lethargic and lifeless to carry on with my active lifestyle. I still "isolate" my grains and think of them as extra supplemental nutrition that I can add and remove as required - for example if life circumstances shall change and I cannot fit as much activity into my day then my huge portion of oats will grow smaller)
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mchen01
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 June 2012 02:37 am |
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Welcome back Nick!!
It's exciting to see you back, you've been such a wonderful support to so many people here. It sounds like you've learned a lot. I wish you a truly successful journey this time. And yes, you deserve better so be good to yourself!
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 June 2012 07:51 am |
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Thanks for all the responses gals and guy! I sincerely appreciate it. 
So, I'd like to take some time to elaborate on my life in more detail.
Firstly, my job - It has been extremely busy. I have been working for the same company since 2006, and I'm grateful for it. But...I am doing the job of at least 2 people, probably 3. My boss admits that he pushes me too hard. Our company is up to about 45 employees, and we have been actively working in three different states. My sister works for the company, too, as a clerical employee, which really helps, but it's still way too much for us to handle. The problem is that even though the company is making decent revenue, we're not making much profit, so we can't really afford to hire anyone else. My sister and I are the only administrative employees, and we handle virtually everything that doesn't involve the field work - accounting, payroll, human resources, insurance, subcontractors, etc. And we're a government contractor, which means even more red tape - certified payroll, etc.
So, in addition to my job driving me crazy, there is my family. I live with my mother, sister, and nephew. I have been the primary breadwinner of the household since I was 19, and I'm 30 now. It's tough. None of my family members are in good health. My mother and sister are trying to get healthy, but don't seem very committed. My nephew has little regard for health, and is very overweight. I worry about him going through a lot of the same things that I did as a kid. Ultimately, it's up to his mother to teach him the right way - I hope she comes around.
And then, there is my social life, or rather, the complete lack thereof. I have no friends in real life. I have never been on a date. Even though I don't live alone, no one in my family really understands me, and I feel lonely. I'm grateful for my online friends. You all help, you really do, but it's not the same as getting out there and having personal contact. I know that I must work on this in order to stay committed long-term. I have a great personality. I like the company of most people. I just need to get out there. I want to lose some more weight first, though. I have received many mocking remarks and gestures about my weight, and I'm still getting back into the groove of this, and trying to stay encouraged.
I know that this is going to be hard, but I know I can do it, and you all know I can do it. I really am hoping, though, that the HRT will give me a boost. I had my first injection today. Of course, I don't blame my weight on low testosterone, I still made bad health choices. But...I do firmly believe that it's been working against me. When I lost all that weight before, yes, I was proud of my accomplishments, and I liked the way I looked (with clothes on anyway). However, I never really got that zest for life. My stamina and endurance improved, but I still had so little desire to get out there and take on the world. Some days I just wanted to go to bed and sleep the day. It was not the energizing boost that I was hoping for. Now, however, I have renewed hope that it will not be as bad this time around, and it gives me something to look forward to.
Onward ho!
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Scoobees
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 June 2012 07:52 pm |
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Onward ho indeed!!! Soooo nice to see you again, Nick! And like Mol said, when I saw your name I broke out into a big smile!
Most definitely, there's no doubt whatsoever you can do this again. I am looking forward to your posts on your more enlightened journey!
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 June 2012 10:34 pm |
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Thanks, Scoobs, and Happy Father's Day, everyone.
This time of year is always a little painful for me. My father and I haven't spoken in 18 years, his choice. I was compelled this year to look at the Father's Day cards, and I actually found a "Living Away" one that reflects my feelings towards him fairly well, that even though we're not together, I do still think of him often and I hope that he is well. I bought it, but didn't send it. I'm not sure I'm ready at this point in my life to reach out to him, nor emotionally equipped enough to handle his rejection again. I sent him several pieces of correspondence over the years when I was younger, with no responses. I even got through to him on the phone once, and he pretended not to hear me, and hung up.
I can't think of anything else in my life that has been more painful than to have my father completely ignore me. In honesty, I do hold some resentment towards him for various things, but it has lessened over the years. It's not something you ever "outgrow", though. Sometimes I lie in bed at night and still cry about it. I'm actually crying right now just typing this. I wonder if I could maybe have been a better son. I can count my happy memories with him on one hand. There are bad memories, too, but mostly, there are just so few memories at all. Even as a kid, he really wasn't around too much, except on Sundays (we were religious church-goers). He worked a lot, and when he came home, he would often hole up in the basement. I long to remember any times where he hugged me, or told me he loved me and was proud of me, and I'm sure he did, but I can't remember them.
Not having him has left a gaping void, and I truly believe that this is the void I most often fill with food. I don't blame him for my unhealthy habits - I'm an adult and I accept responsibility for my own actions. But...it has certainly helped to reinforce my feelings of worthlessness over the years. There's really no other feeling in the world quite like knowing that someone who helped bring you into this world doesn't want any part of your life.
Whew...OK, that's enough. I'm glad I laid it out, though. For me to get this weight off and keep it off is going to require more than just hard work. I have to work on myself, from the inside. And I'm going to have to get out of this house, and find companionship. There's no one that can fill the void of not having a father, but surely companionship in some form must help to ease it. It must. 
I'm going to exercise now. I'll post my official weekly weigh-in tomorrow. Onward ho!
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jackbenimble
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 18 June 2012 01:50 am |
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Nick,
That's tough about your father. It's hard to imagine.
It's good to hear that the feelings have softened over the years. I have had some bad experiences in my past, but the years have gone by and I think about them less and less. And I'm starting to think that an attitude of helping others and and trying to spread the love can really help. It's taken me a long time to come around to this point of view, and I can't honestly say that I have done much about it. But, it's something to thing about.
In any case, it's great to have you back. It seems like you've learned from your previous efforts and are in for the long term.
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 18 June 2012 03:04 am |
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Soooo nice to see you again, Nick! And like Mol said, when I saw your name I broke out into a big smile!
Me too, Nick! Glad to see you back........I think of you occasionally and wonder what was going on in your life..........how you were doing. I know the frustration of gaining the weight back........done that waaaaay too many times   Hope we all can help you get to your non-goal........and that you'll be there to get us back to our goals too!
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 18 June 2012 07:18 pm |
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Thanks, Jack and Pat! I really appreciate the support, everyone. Yesterday was tough, but Father's Day has passed, and today's a better day.
Today's official weigh-in was 362, which is  6 pounds. I lost 12 pounds the week before, which brings my total loss to 18 pounds since June 4. Not too shabby, although most of it was water weight. I am currently eating about 1800 calories a day, which is considerably more than the 1200 I was eating before. So...I'm not expecting phenomenal losses like last time, but I would like to aim for at least 3-4 pounds per week. I want to be in the 200's before the end of the year.
I am still so very out of shape, but working on it. Yesterday, I did 45 minutes on the treadmill, which is more than the 30 minutes I had been doing. I'm not going fast, close to 3.0 average, but it's fast enough for now until my body gets more used to exercise. My heart rate gets up in the 170's and 180's, so I know I'm working hard enough.
Onward ho!
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dabel
Senior Member
| Joined: | 18 June 2012 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 32 |
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Posted: 18 June 2012 10:58 pm |
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| Just thought I'd stop by and say "hi" and thanks for the welcome on my diary! You know I think the people that I tend to look up to the most are the people that keep trying, even if the fall back down. You seem like you've had a lot of that, and I really admire you for that! So good luck on everything...I'm just starting to discover too how much being healthy physically is connected to being healthy in every other way. So keep it up! I'll be cheering for you!
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 18 June 2012 11:00 pm |
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OK, so I'm going to start posting my routine for more accountability. Calories are estimates:
Yesterday
Breakfast: 3/4 cup Kashi cereal (190 cals); 1 cup skim milk (90 cals); 1 banana (150 cals). Total: 430 cals
Lunch (Post-Workout): 1 cup low sodium V8 (50 cals); 2 slices of 100% whole wheat bread (200 cals); 2 tablespoon peanut butter (190 cals); 1 cup of grapes (100 cals). Total: 540 cals
Dinner: 1 bag of frozen whole okra (125 cals); 1 6 oz. 96/4 burger (210 cals); 1 slice swiss cheese (80 cals). Total: 415 cals
Grand Total: 1385 cals
Normally, I throw a snack in there, but I didn't yesterday. My snack typically consists of 1 cup of plain non-fat greek yogurt with some nuts and fruit thrown in.
Today, I have eaten breakfast and lunch, with the same items as yesterday.
Dinner will be a chicken breast substituted in for the beef, as well as different vegetables (I change them up every day). The beef made me a little sick, so I don't think I'm going to eat any for a while.
Exercise yesterday was 2.3 miles on the treadmill, 45 minutes (+4 minute cool down). Same for today.
And now...I have been sitting here in my chair with heavy sweat from exercise. I'm going to the shower now.
Onward ho!
Edit: And thank you, Dabel, for the support! I appreciate it.
Last edited on 18 June 2012 11:01 pm by CrimsonAnimus
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JamesH
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 27 November 2011 |
| Location: | Alabama USA |
| Posts: | 435 |
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Posted: 18 June 2012 11:44 pm |
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Hey Nick, looks like you are off to a good start, keep up the good work. You have done it before, you can do it again. Just remember slow and steady wins the race.
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 19 June 2012 05:19 am |
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Thanks for the encouragement, James!
Well, for dinner I had 5 servings of broccoli and roughly an 8 oz. chicken breast with a slice of Swiss cheese. For a snack, I had about 1 cup of plain fat-free Greek yogurt, with fresh peach and some nuts. I'm not sure exactly how much it came out to; probably between 1700-1800 cals for the day.
Onward ho!
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Egor
New Member
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Posted: 19 June 2012 05:51 am |
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I would like to comment from the other end of the father-child relationship. I am a father whose daughter doesn’t want any contact with him. Why? Because I would not approve of some of the things she wanted to do with her life. She wanted my support; I felt it would be wrong to give it, and now we don’t talk.
Fortunately, in the modern age, we haven’t de-friended each other on Facebook so we can still keep up with each other from the shadows.
From the father’s point of view I know one thing, and I could be wrong, but this is how I perceive it: If I become a rich successful novelist, she will cater to me. She will love me and want to be part of my life, and she will at least fake a concern about how I think she should live her life. If I were rich and successful, she wouldn’t care so much about how I offended her; she’d care more about how she offended me.
This is the undiluted truth of life. This is the undiluted truth of the father’s role in life.
But if I am not ultimately successful in life, why the #%@&! should she give a #%@&! what I think? A father has one role and one role only: provide. That’s all we are worth. The mother is for love.
The father is for survival and a leg up in prosperity for his kids. I am a failure as a father—maybe your dad is, too. But never forget one thing: He’s trying to survive, and he wants you to survive, too. And he thinks the only way you can do that is to listen to him. But in the end, money talks.
Oh…and happy Father’s Day everyone.Last edited on 19 June 2012 05:57 am by Egor
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 19 June 2012 08:22 am |
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Wow, Ed...I'm not really sure where to start.
My father did provide financially. That really was the extent of his involvement in my life. That is very important, yes, but I can't fathom how any father could think that this should be their only role in their child's life. Maybe it's different with daughters. But even though my mother was very loving, there are certain things things that mothers just cannot do as effectively for their sons as fathers can. There are some things I could never talk to my mother about, because she could never understand. Growing up, I longed for male advice and male encouragement, and I just didn't get it. As a son, hearing your mother say she's proud of you is nice, but it's not like hearing it from your father, the primary male figure in your life that you respect and strive to be like.
And I'm sorry that your experience with your daughter has given you the perception that money is all you're good for. It's certainly not what I want in a father. I am not at all comfortable with people spending money on me, stemming from the fact that my father threw his money around as a substitute for being involved in my life. Money is cheap and overrated, and having it is no measure of success in my book, and this is coming from someone who makes more than 70% of the US population. What one chooses to do with the resources they are given, that is what measures true success.
Really, I don't think my father much cares whether I survive or not. How can I listen to him when he has nothing to say? My father was abusive at times, but at least in those moments, he acknowledged my existence.
Wow, that's enough for tonight. I'm tired and need sleep. Good night.
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 19 June 2012 11:05 pm |
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Slow and steady is right, it's something I have to constantly remind myself of that because I love to crash-diet and honeslty I've been trying to lose weight for over two months now and I've actually gained weight! It's just not worth it! But I really want to be skinny tomorrow 
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 20 June 2012 03:21 am |
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Thanks for dropping in, Once! I'm glad you're back.
Exercise today was only 30 minutes on the treadmill. Today was my 6th day in a row of cardio, and it was harder than usual, so I think I'm going to take a break from it tomorrow, or just do a light walk.
The last few days I have had really low energy. It's probably the change in diet, as I know I haven't been overdoing it on the exercise. It's also been 3 days since I started HRT. Of course, I know it will take some time to work, but an online buddy of mine who has done HRT for a long time said that I should start to see changes within about 2 days of starting. I'm sure it just needs more time.
Onward ho!
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dabel
Senior Member
| Joined: | 18 June 2012 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 32 |
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Posted: 20 June 2012 09:05 pm |
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6 days in a row of cardio sounds awesome to me! Nice job.
I'm really curious how you start feeling once the HRT starts kicking in. Hormones can sure affect a lot of things. I'm hoping you start feeling a lot better.
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mchen01
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 20 June 2012 09:42 pm |
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CrimsonAnimus wrote:
Whew...OK, that's enough. I'm glad I laid it out, though. For me to get this weight off and keep it off is going to require more than just hard work. I have to work on myself, from the inside. And I'm going to have to get out of this house, and find companionship. There's no one that can fill the void of not having a father, but surely companionship in some form must help to ease it. It must.
Nick, my heart goes out to you on this. I'm always thankful that I had at least one very caring parent and am done regretting the lack of the other. And yes, finding other forms of companionship does help. It helps you realize that support, love and joy can come from people outside of your family, and missing something that you never had is only a void if you let it be one. You'll never be able to change what happened in the past, but you can control how you let it affect you. I agree that you need to get this off your chest and keep it off. So now that you've purged, and you have a solution, I hope to see you act on it soon and find happiness and healing in future relationships.
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 21 June 2012 10:46 pm |
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Thanks, ladies! Dabel, still no noticeable effect from the HRT. It will come.
Michelle, I know you are right. I went back and read through my previous journal here. Yeah, I had some serious downers, but a lot of the time, I stayed upbeat. I want to get to that again. The first time I did this, I really wanted to see how far I could go. It was a new experience for me.
In truth, I really wasn't sure I could lose the weight. But I did, and I worked my #&%@ off to do it. Now, I'm trying to work on myself from the inside so that I can lose this again and keep it off. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle long term is a lot more difficult for me than working my #&%@ off in the short term.
I did end up taking a break from cardio yesterday, but my diet was still good. I overdid it a little on exercise today. My heart rate got up to 185 BPM, my face became very hot, and I had trouble breathing as deeply as usual. Still, it was only 45 minutes on the treadmill (+4m cool down), average speed of close to 3.0 mph. I'll eventually get back to where I was before, but that's still pretty good for a 362 pound man who started back this month from a 3-year hiatus with hardly any physical activity. Also, I really get into it. I swing my arms, my hips, and maybe some other stuff. The music really gets me into it.
My energy level yesterday was LOW. I could have stayed in bed for the entire day if it weren't for the things I had to get done. Today's energy level is steady, not high or low. This is Day #5 of the HRT, and none of those days have been high energy. I hope it kicks in soon. Anything would help, even subtle.
Onward ho!
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 30 December 2007 |
| Location: | Chicago, USA |
| Posts: | 7173 |
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Posted: 22 June 2012 01:24 am |
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| I really hope you feel the energy soon Nick. I know it is coming...you are doing well with keeping at it in spite of the low energy...it WILL get easier! xo
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jackbenimble
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 22 June 2012 11:49 am |
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Hey Nick,
Love to see you sticking with the program like that, regardless of energy level. I think I read somewhere the HRT (I think you said that means testerone injections) makes you more agressive, but also more self-confident, which would be good. While I think self-confidence is great (wish I had it), the best thing you can do is make the world a better place for you're having been there. I think you're doing that already.
Peace and love,
Jack
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 22 June 2012 09:36 pm |
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Thanks, Mol and Jack! I appreciate the support!
Today's energy level is not too bad. Pretty steady, like yesterday. I'm about to go and exercise. I'm going to shoot for 45 minutes, like yesterday.
I've been back in the habit of weighing myself daily, and my weight earlier was still at 362. I need to stop the daily craziness! We'll see what happens by Monday.
I can't wait until I get back as fit as I used to be. I'm looking forward to being able to walk for an hour at an average of 4.5 MPH again, and then 25 MPH, and then the world!!!! Or NOT.
I need to begin some kind of strength training soon. I am considering getting a resistance band to start. I didn't do good with the dumbbells, or the machines, and I'm still too heavy to do things like pushups. I'd like to invest in a rowing machine soon; it would be a KILLER workout for me (hopefully not literally).
I really do love cardio. Even though I really have to push myself some days to get started, I love to put on some music, move the body, and get the heart pumping hard and fast. There's really no other feeling like it. When I get off the treadmill, I know that I've accomplished something. I'm soaked with sweat, tired and energetic at the same time.
Oh, and it looks like my boss is going to finally hire an accountant to help me out. He's also talking about maybe providing health insurance in the near future. All kinds of good news for me! I'm thinking of hiring my neighbor across the street for the job. She has some experience with bookkeeping and is good with numbers. Her husband has a good job, but they have 8 kids, and she still has to babysit part time to make ends meet. They could really use the job, and she could work from home. We'll see what happens.
Onward ho!
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jackbenimble
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 22 June 2012 10:05 pm |
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Hey Nick,
Yeah, I like the cardio workouts too, especially when a good tune comes on. I made a exercise tape on itunes, I gotta start listening to that instead of random tunes from the radio. I'm so lazy to organize stuff.
Good things happening. A health plan is killer. I'm paying like 1200 / month and consider a deal. And how cool to hire your neighbor - it would be like manna from heaven for her.
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 23 June 2012 12:05 am |
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Jack, I'm still using the same MP3 player that I used 3 years ago. I really want to put some new songs on it, but haven't done it yet. Procrastination, procrastination...
$1200/month for health insurance?  When you call 911, do they send a limo? They should, and it had better have one of the Beatles in it for you to play with. I can't imagine paying that much.
Well, I did my 45 (49) minutes today on the treadmill, it was 2.3 something miles. I loved it! It felt really great today to push myself. I've been going as high as 3.5 MPH for short intervals, trying to work back up. I went up to 4.0 MPH yesterday, but couldn't stay in it long - man, what a difference 1 MPH can make! I love the feeling when I get off the treadmill. Endorphins are the highlight of my day, nature's way of saying, "Good job, here's a booster!"
Well, I'm off to the grocery store soon. I'm out of lots of stuff.
Onward ho!
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jackbenimble
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 23 June 2012 03:24 pm |
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Gotta love that endorphine high. Nice way to start out the day for sure.
Actually, the $1200 is for a family plan. The annoying thing is it does't matter how many kids you have, it's the same price. But as family plans go, it's actually kind of a bargain I'm getting through my last company. So, that's why its probably so much more than yours. Trust me - it's not a limo plan :)
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 23 June 2012 08:50 pm |
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Well, my boss agreed to go ahead and hire my neighbor as the accountant. I start training her next week. It's going to be a lot more work in the beginning, but after a month or two, it should really make my life easier.
Have any of you all used resistance bands? I bought a set yesterday, and did a couple of the exercises. The instructions contain 10 different exercises, and says that I should only do 1-3 circuits of each exercise twice a week. What happens if I do more? I did 3 pulls of the band, and I could feel the muscles being used, but it was very mild. Can I do more reps, like 10-20 of each exercise?
More to come later after my workout.
Onward ho!
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 23 June 2012 11:42 pm |
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Never mind, I just figured out that a "circuit" is the same thing as a "set". It was confusing because the instructions just said to do 1-3 circuits, but gave no advice as to how many pulls I should do for each circuit. Most places I've read online say 8-16 depending on my goals, which seems right to me.
Well, I only did 30 minutes today on the treadmill. I could have done another 15 minutes, but I didn't want to push myself, as today is a lower energy day. It took a big effort on my part to even get on the treadmill at all. Now, I'm sitting here in my chair, very sweaty, but my energy has bottomed out so much that I don't think I have the strength to take my shower right now. No endorphins today.
Diet has been good since I started back on this, on June 4th. I can proudly say that I have had NO lapses in this area. I've still had longings, yes. There has been Chick-Fil-A and Zaxby's and Burger King (oh, ye old whoppers...), and I could almost swear that the refrigerator was stocked with lasagna for most of the month, but I refused it all. When I get a desire for fast food, I just remember what it does to your body (and sometimes to my digestive system), and it serves as a pretty good deterrent. As far as pasta goes, I'm not allowing myself to have that yet. I want to be a little more secure with this, as pasta is extremely calorie-dense and very difficult for me to eat in moderation. If I could actually sit down and eat 2 oz. at a time and be done with it, that might work, but no, not now (eventually, though).
I hate my low energy days. I stay depressed anyway, but it's more manageable on better energy days. The combination of the low energy and the depression makes it really hard to stay on track. Those are the days where my willpower is really put to the test, as physically and mentally I'm like, "What's the point?"
Onward ho.
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 25 June 2012 05:25 pm |
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Today's official weekly weigh-in is 359, 3 pounds.
Even though the losses aren't coming quickly like last time, I'm definitely seeing the changes in the mirror, and in my clothes. Shirts that used to show part of my stomach are now fitting me comfortably, just in 3 weeks. I also know that I'm gaining significant leg muscle (or maybe reawakening it), as the treadmill is becoming easier fairly quickly.
Yesterday's exercise was 30 minutes on the treadmill, along with rearranging the house. My energy level yesterday was also low, but fortunately, I got a nice boost in the evening after my workout, which helped a lot. Still, I had to push myself pretty hard to get on the treadmill. I'm proud that I pushed through it.
Onward ho!
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 30 December 2007 |
| Location: | Chicago, USA |
| Posts: | 7173 |
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Posted: 25 June 2012 05:29 pm |
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That sounds like a pretty good report to me. Way to go Nick!
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 25 June 2012 11:39 pm |
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Yay for hiring an accountant! I'm so glad to hear you'll have less stress to deal with. When I'm stressed out my diet suffers and it's so much easier to focus on goals when you aren't over whelmed!
Congratulations on the loss! Onward ho!
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jackbenimble
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 26 June 2012 01:49 am |
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| 3 pounds! Awesome. Nice job forcing yourself onto the treadmill. Man, I have got to get back in shape...
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Scoobees
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 26 June 2012 06:13 am |
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| Nice job Nick! Way to go and onward ho!
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dabel
Senior Member
| Joined: | 18 June 2012 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 32 |
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Posted: 27 June 2012 10:16 pm |
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| Looks like your doing great Nick! I think my favourite thing is starting to feel that change in your clothes. I'm really looking forward to that! Keep it up!
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 28 June 2012 10:49 pm |
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Thanks for the support, everyone!
So, this week has been interesting. Work has kept me very busy, and I have not exercised since Sunday. My calories on Monday were about 2,000, about 1,100 on Tuesday, and about 1,500 yesterday. My weight went up (2) pounds yesterday morning, but as of this morning is back down to 359.8, where it was on Monday. So much for a base RMR of 2,611 calories. I don't care what the "physics" junkies say, metabolism is a significant part of weight loss, and mine is almost rock bottom when I don't exercise.
Onward ho!
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oneday
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 11 August 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 784 |
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Posted: 29 June 2012 11:41 am |
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Nick,
You are so right about the "physics" and formulas out there to tell you want your TDEE are. I wore the BodyMedia for 6months straight and it takes running averages 24hrs a day of what you are burning. On days I didn't exercise I only burned 1700 cals a day! And I am not short or petite in any way LOL. Most calculators tell me I have a daily burn of 1950 but they don't take into account LIFE!
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normandy
Member
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Posted: 2 July 2012 02:12 pm |
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That is awesome that you were able to keep within your calorie ceiling despite a rough week at work. That is extremely difficult for me to do. I had a ridiculous day this past Tuesday and did not have time to make lunch in the morning let alone eat lunch, so I ran to the nearby gas station and scraped up a lunch from there. One of those gas stations turkey sandwiches, a Diet Snapple, two beef jerky sticks and... a tiny slice of carrot cake. Probably killed my calorie count x2 for that day on that alone.
Keep up the awesome work, and always keep in mind how awesome it will be when the weight all goes away. :-)
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 3 July 2012 02:00 am |
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Thanks to both of you!
Today's official weekly weigh-in was 355, 4 pounds. Not too surprising, considering I haven't eaten very much the last few days (about 1,000 calories or less daily). I didn't exercise last week, but I did help move the house around.
I also went and had my 2nd HRT injection today. There's still been no effect. We'll see what happens.
Onward ho!
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 3 July 2012 03:45 am |
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Just a quick stop to wish you a Happy 4th of July, in case I get too busy to get online later this week.
Have a good one, Nick! 
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 5 July 2012 06:05 pm |
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Thanks, Pat! I hope you and everyone else here had a nice July 4th, too.
Our neighbor bought some fireworks. My family and I went over there last night and watched them together, and talked for a long while. We shared lots of funny family stories. It was nice. They roasted marshmallows over a fire pit, but I didn't eat any. Marshmallows are easy to refuse, but if they had been roasting weenies, it would have been harder not to nab one.
So, my weight yesterday was down to 353, a loss of two more pounds since Monday. I still haven't been eating very much, but I haven't exercised either. I need to get back on that soon.
Today is Day #19 of the HRT. I still do not notice any changes in energy level or concentration, but I have started to notice some "other" changes, which are not appropriate to discuss in a family forum. Still, it's not why I started HRT, so I'm hoping the other changes will kick in soon. I'm dedicated to giving this at least 2-3 months to see what happens. If I don't notice any energy or focus changes by then, I'll probably give it up. It's just not worth the risks if all I get is a little extra...never mind. 
Onward ho!
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mchen01
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 5 July 2012 06:45 pm |
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Sounds like you had a fun 4th. I'm a roasted marshmallow fan, but am also partial to a roasted dog. Yum!
Good luck with the HRT! I'm sorry you're not getting the results you want yet. It must be frustrating.
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mchen01
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 6 July 2012 08:33 pm |
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| Hey Nick, I was reading your response to a general discussion from the forum with so-called "DietCoach". I have to applaud you for a well written and reasonable discussion on your part, but you know you were going down a dead end road. You can't have a reasonable discussion with someone (DC) who spouts half-truths and resorts to bullying when he starts losing an argument (talk about ego problems - sheesh. self-proclaimed expert and "ripped" = ego). Have you seen the movie Dodgeball? DC totally reminds me of White Goodman. Anyway, good job on your defense. You said just about everything I was thinking.
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 6 July 2012 09:24 pm |
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Thanks, Michelle. From early on in the discussion, I sort of figured it was a dead end road, but I'm always willing to throw in my two cents anyway, if for nothing else but to put an extra opinion out there. Diet Coach kind of reminds me of another member who used to post here - BFB, just on the complete opposite end of the spectrum, but with the same ego and humiliation tactics.
Maybe in a subtle way the HRT is making me more aggressive. Last week, I got so out of sorts that I squeezed a Windex bottle and it exploded and went everywhere. It felt good, though. I'm the type that just takes it in, and takes it in, and then I burst. I really need to release my frustration regularly instead of letting it build. My sister is the opposite - she doesn't let it build. At the 4th of July gathering, she was talking about how she used to be dramatic when she was young. I asked her, "Did you say that you USED to be dramatic?"
Onward ho!
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Scoobees
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 6 July 2012 10:24 pm |
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I am not going to read it...I am not going to read it...I have personally banned myself from everywhere but this diary section here...
Is it the same guy who shall remain nameless causing trouble again? No wait, I don't wanna know...I don't wanna know.  But glad to hear you got your 2 cents in there!
Carry on. Hi Nick! Hope you have an awesome weekend!!!
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MichelleP
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 25 March 2009 |
| Location: | Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 717 |
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Posted: 7 July 2012 11:16 am |
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LOL - White Goodman - that's funny Michelle, and true. There is no reasoning when dealing with stupidity.
Keep up the good work Nick.
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 9 July 2012 11:35 pm |
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Thanks, ladies!
Today's official weigh-in was 350, a loss of 5 pounds. That puts me at 30 pounds lost total! I'm making nice progress.
I did not exercise last week, either, but have kept my calories in control. I'm still probably not eating enough, maybe about 1000 - 1200 calories a day, but work has kept me very busy, and I've usually been eating 2 meals a day with a snack or two thrown in. I did eat a few burgers last week, but I made them at home with 93/7 meat. Good stuff. Right now, I'm at the point where I'm not feeling very deprived, but I do still feel the occasional urge to binge. When that happens, I just grab a Kashi bar (or two), and it's enough to get me through.
I'm amazed that I've been able to lose this much without exercise. I know that the testosterone injections are a notable factor, because the fat loss distribution on my body is different this time. On my last weight loss journey, the fat in my stomach area did not gain significant losses until over halfway through my weight loss, between 80-100 pounds lost. This time, though, it has already gone down considerably, to the point where my stomach has lifted itself up and doesn't "hang" like it did. Low testosterone is a big contributor to fat storage in the abdominal area.
That being said, this is Day #23 of the HRT, and there are still no changes in energy level or concentration. Maybe I need to lose more weight before these changes will occur.
Onward ho!
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normandy
Member
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Posted: 10 July 2012 12:55 am |
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| Congrats, Nick - great news on the weight loss! You are giving me a lot of encouragement with your progress. Last week, I definitely binged a few times, each with my favorite local hot dog stand. Then, I exercised harder than I exercised in months this past weekend, and I think I counteracted the damage I did with the binging. You should be proud of yourself for resisting in the past week - it can be extremely difficult!
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CrimsonAnimus
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 11 July 2012 06:22 am |
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Thanks, Tom!
Well, I started exercising again yesterday, but I might have overdone it. I only did 30 minutes on the treadmill, but my heart rate got up to 192 BPM. Even though it has been a little while since I exercised, my legs have gotten stronger, because the speeds I was doing 2 weeks ago barely had an impact yesterday.
I finished another 30 minutes on it a short while ago, and my heart rate got up to 191 BPM. I pushed myself harder than yesterday, but 3.2 MPH is not that challenging anymore. I did a good bit of it at 3.5 MPH, and even some at 4.0 MPH. Of course, I did slow down for 2 minutes during the middle of the session, and also, I'm still doing a 2-minute warm-up and a separate 4-minute cool down. My heart rate was in the 130's before I got off.
My last weigh-in was 348, so I'm finally under 350 pounds again! Losing 2 pounds in 1 day is a lot, I know, but I attribute some to water loss from starting to exercise again. It certainly wasn't from not eating enough - I ate considerably more the day before than I had been eating.
One goal I've set for myself is to be able to do Wii Fit U with my nephew when it launches on the Wii U. The release date of the Wii U has not been announced yet, but it will be sometime in the 4th quarter of 2012. The weight limit for the balance board is 330, but I would like to be at 315 or less to give myself a little room. There are about 11.57 weeks until September 30. If I can lose 3 pounds a week every week until then, I will be just under 315. Depending on when exactly the Wii U is released, I might even be under 300.
Onward ho!
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