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Sassykat
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 September 2010 09:34 pm |
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I'm glad to hear that you are sounding much happier Once. 
Congratulations on the new size. 
I hope you have a great weekend.
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Terabyte
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 18 November 2008 |
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| Posts: | 1587 |
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Posted: 18 September 2010 12:44 am |
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That is wonderful, size 5 is a great acheivement, one that many never reach! I probably would never be a size 5, I think the best I can aspire to is about a 6. I think that you will probably feel much better about yourself once you have the surgery but it is also possible that after you have the surgery, even if you were to somehow get down to a size 0, you might still feel bad about yourself. I say this because you have disclosed that you have always felt like you weren't good enough and that even as a child you felt this way. I am truly sorry to hear that you feel that way, and I think a lot of people can relate (myself included).
Even though it is a cliche saying, true happiness comes from within, a lot of times we fix externals and those can feel good temporarily (we've all known the simply joys of feeling great when we've just stepped out of a salon, gotten our nails done, shed weight, gotten a new outfit, etc). but that satisfaction fades quickly if underneath it all we are unhappy with ourselves.
I don't know if you have any really good friends or family that you could have a good heart-to-heart with--someone that loves you and totally accepts you as you are AND has a healthy self-esteem themselves, but maybe you could talk to that person about how you are feeling, that sense of inferiority or unworthiness that you feel. If you believe in any sort of God/Higher Power/Benevolent Force, perhaps you could express yourself to him/her/that. The truth is that even when you were heavier you were still a worthwhile person! I am sure you would not look at a heavier person and think "what a worthless piece of sh.it, they won't be good until they are a size 5 (or size 6 or 4 or whatever size you want to say).
Usually when people have thoughts of inferiority, these do stem from early childhood experiences where a parent says something carelessly or another child says something hurtful or something happens and then as children we can't process anything very well because we don't have mature minds or reasoning and we just come up with a theory that is simple and child-like that basically says "I suck" "I am bad" "I am ugly" "I am stupid" and then we carry that around into our adulthoods. But you are a grown-#%@&! woman now and you don't need to believe in those things your little-kid mind came up with any more than you need to believe in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy, especially when these beliefs,, unlike being fun like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, are actually painful and hurt you.
Some people say that it takes years and years to get rid of these feelings, long sessions of therapy and all these "corrective" experiences. As for me, and I speak as a trained therapist that probably loses plenty of business by saying what I am about to say, i don't think that change has to be a long and arduous process, I think it can be pretty instantaneous even (although if it does take longer, there's no shame in that either). I am sure you have had moments when you felt at peace with yourself and with the world. Maybe when you were just relaxing peacefully in nature or maybe when you were just free and perfectly yourself with a good friend or with a beloved pet or a wonderful lover or maybe when you were listening to a beautiful song or looking at a beautiful piece of art. Anyway, you know that feeling and you know when you have felt it. That feeling, that feeling of being at peace is what is real because it is in those moments that you silence that little commentary in your head that runs all the time, running old thoughts over and over, self-doubt, anxiety, fear, worry, etc. In those times, you are perfectly present and this is actually true life in its purest form because you aren't entertaining old garbage/dirty laundry and you are just being. And the cool thing about just being is that anyone can do it anytime anywhere. You truly are great just how you are--of course you can always improve and I wouldn't discourage getting the surgery or doing things that make you feel even better about yourself, but you ARE great as is, at any time, whatever size, whatever time, always.
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 18 September 2010 09:31 am |
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| Thanks Tera, I appreciate the time. I've known for some time now that I have body dysmorphia, I'm not sure how severe it is, sometimes I think it might be pretty bad. I have felt always bad about myself and I'm not sure why, or I have suspicions, I think it would be really good for me to talk to someone about it, probably a professional. My problems are probably worse than I'd like to admit, and they truly do keep me back in life. I'm forever chasing "perfect" but can't quite get there, and that's where I think I need to be. Hopefully someday I can find some peace about that.
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Terabyte
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 18 November 2008 |
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| Posts: | 1587 |
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Posted: 19 September 2010 04:47 am |
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Professionals can be very helpful--obviously I think so, as I am one myself. Sometimes a third, neutral party can be great and can provide the space that you need to work through things. If you think you have body dysmorphia, I would highly suggest meeting with a professional, maybe even for just a few sessions. It could really help you change how you think and it doesn't have to be super long or drawn out. I had some really bad depression issues back when I was a teenager and god help me I can't remember the guy's name, but I saw a therapist for probably about 3 - 5 sessions and he was REALLY helpful and helped bring me out of my depression into a much happier place. He was a great dude (one of those older Mr Rogers-types) and I am very thankful for him.
Body dysmorphia is no joke and it can be hard to defeat. I don't know what your insurance plan is, but most insurances will cover psychotherapy, so I would encourage you to call your insurance company inquire what is covered with your insurance and then see someone for at least 3 sessions and then decide after that if you want more. If your insurance won't cover it, you can find people that will charge a reasonable amount of money to meet. I think my friend goes to a therapist and he pays out of pocket about $40 a session. Sometimes you can find people for even cheaper than that, but $40 is pretty reasonable, especially when it is something so important.
Generally LMFTS and LCSWs are cheaper than psychologists and psychiatrists are the most expensive. Some people specialize in treating certain issues, so you could look for someone who has a lot of experience in helping people with body dysmorphia. So, go ahead and see somebody about it. That's what they are there for!
Last edited on 19 September 2010 04:53 am by Terabyte
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 29 September 2010 02:02 pm |
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Tera- thanks so much, I think I just need to talk to someone and bounce off them things like "is that a rational thought, or am I being ridiculous and borderline anorexic?" Because mostly that's what happens I obsess about things and I don't think it's healthy, but I'm also incredibly convincing to myself 
I'm still 140 pounds, yay for maintaining. I pulled a hamstring in last nights softball game, that seriously was not fun, but I played well the first inning and got quite a few nice hits off.
Tall and I are taking an extended break right now, and he's actually decided to seek counseling. I have urged him to do so before, but never thought he actually would. He may be doing it to win me back, but either way I think it's a positive step in his life. I think everyone should have the ability to be a whole person before they date, and they should bring a healthy, supportive attitude to a relationship.
Yesterday a girl at the bank was telling me how nice I looked and was asking me for weight loss tips
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Terabyte
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 18 November 2008 |
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| Posts: | 1587 |
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Posted: 1 October 2010 04:52 pm |
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I agree with you about being mentally/emotionally healthy before you start dating. That is a must! It's impossible to have a healthy relationship if you or your partner are not healthy! I wish him the best with his counseling and that's very rare for a man to go to counseling, usually they are very against it, so good for him that he wasn't all proud and stubborn and refusing to go.
That is awesome that someone at the bank complimented you and asked for weight loss tips--you got it going on!!! you are a very attractive woman, no doubt about that!
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 2 October 2010 04:58 pm |
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Okay I'm finally dropping below 140, yay! Just barely though. Right now I'm more interested in making a renewed commitment to working out, but I haven't 
I'm having such a hard time with making clothes work, for one thing I would like an older, more feminine wardrobe, but I have stuck mostly to jeans and tee's because they hide skin well. I wanted to buy a nice pair of trousers but my butt just hangs if it's not being held in by something firm, man is it depressing. Again, surgery shall fix, but I'm not in a hurry, I thought I wanted to rush everything and get it over with, but now I feel like letting the dust settle, and leaving surgery as something that's eventual but not priority.
Alright off to soccer with my little man, then he needs to pick out his Halloween costume!
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 30 December 2007 |
| Location: | Chicago, USA |
| Posts: | 6301 |
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Posted: 2 October 2010 05:08 pm |
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Hi Once! Wow - that is big news that you and Tall are taking a break and he is going to counseling. You sound like you are in a healthy place about it all mentally. I know you deserve only the best and a guy who makes you feel good about the relationship. Congratulations on making some progress working on the "inner you". 
Taking the little man costume shopping sounds so fun. Halloween is a great time to enjoy kids...or being a bit of a kid yourself. Have a great weekend!
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Terabyte
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 18 November 2008 |
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| Posts: | 1587 |
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Posted: 2 October 2010 08:56 pm |
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Speaking of Halloween, I always love when I see babies dressed up like pumpkins. SO CUTE
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 10 October 2010 08:39 pm |
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Little man has his batman costume, and I'll probably grab a witch hat or something to take him out in. We bought stuff to make Halloween goody bags for his class, he's so excited!
On the weight loss front, I'm up three pounds from some good eating lately, I need to cool it and remember my goals. It seems less important right now though, because I feel like I'm at a pretty good weight and it's nice to just worry about living and not worry about food. I still do want to see 130, but I can wait, this isn't a race.
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 22 October 2010 09:55 pm |
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| 137 this morning, yay. Had some Chinese for lunch so I'm expecting the scale to reflect some water tomorrow, fruit for dinner and gym should help though!
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 29 October 2010 05:55 pm |
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| 136
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 30 October 2010 05:49 pm |
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| I got a cute Halloween costume this year. It makes me very happy. Attached Image (viewed 338 times):
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 30 December 2007 |
| Location: | Chicago, USA |
| Posts: | 6301 |
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Posted: 30 October 2010 07:15 pm |
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Smokin! 
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 30 October 2010 08:10 pm |
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| Thanks Mol! I'm going out with the girls tonight dressed up, I'm super nervous!
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midwest_cutie
Member
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Posted: 12 November 2010 06:30 pm |
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| Oh my goodness, onceupon-a-thingirl, you are downright smokin'! Especially in that costume. I bet you got hit on at least once that night :)
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 14 November 2010 09:30 pm |
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Thanks midwest!
Surgery seems so important lately, I want a normal life so badly, I want to be happy so badly. I know I can do anything I want as long as I'm willing to work really hard at it. I'm ready to do the work, I just need to figure out what to do. I don't know the right course to take, should I wait a year until things are more settled or dive in and get it over with?
I like being single for the moment. I'm getting a lot done and I'm actually enjoying myself, something I didn't expect. I get a little lonely, but not as badly as I thought I would. I'm afraid to find somebody, I'm afraid of rejection, I know plenty of men think I'm attractive...with my clothes on. How do you find someone when you aren't a whole person? My standards are high, right now if a man wants to date me he has to have a job, he has to be 100% single, he has to like children and he has to be very very kind. The only one I met so far that meets these qualifications took me on a few dates and I have yet to hear back from him :( I can't help but thinking, "what did I do wrong?" But I know it's useless to think such things. I'm not looking for a relationship right now anyway, and how far would I have let it go before I cut it off for fear of rejection? I really do wish he would call though, I wish there wasn't this part of me that feels like I can't attract or keep a good guy. I've never had a good guy in my life. Now I don't want anything less but I don't know how to get it.
The weight isn't really dropping but I didnt' expect it to, I'm at a pretty low weight for my height already, not to mention the ten-fifteen pounds I'll lose during surgery, but I keep plugging away at it. I've done it so long, it's just life for me now. A small part of me thinks that if I just lose enough weight things will start going right and I'll find the good things I want in my life.
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 19 November 2010 02:56 pm |
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I feel so old, my skin has really suffered from the weight loss and smoking and probably stress. Time for a plan. Any tips for looking younger?
With the holidays coming up I'm getting the blues a little, I was enjoying being single and just having me time, but I suddenly want a family and to be cooking and having people to love. I suddenly want a house full of children  It will probably pass but in the mean time it stinks.
I'm convinced losing some weight will help me in the long run body lift wise. I'm speaking to some doctors out of state to see if California doctors are inflated enough to bother making the trip somewhere else for surgery.
I will probably sign up for spring classes today. Time to get a move on with school. I need money if I'm going to buy my dream home someday. I'm suddenly planning for myself. I have this feeling that there is no man I'll find worthy to share this journey with me, but that's okay, I have my little guy and the means to make my life great.Last edited on 19 November 2010 02:57 pm by OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
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Sassykat
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 20 November 2010 08:58 pm |
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How old are you Once? I think you already look young, but I know when you are dealing with health issues and weight loss you can feel like you are not looking your best.
The biggest factor that would help would be to quit smoking, if you still are.
Weight loss, actually makes you look younger, but it is inevitable that there will be extra skin and so, the skin loses it's elasticity just because there is more of it.
I have read, and I do believe that there are some supplements that improve the appearance of the skin and hair. Three that I can think of right off the bat are , Krill oil, fish oil and Schisandra berry. And there are probably others out there as well.
I alternate days in taking Krill oil and fish oil.
And the Schisandra berry is really interesting to read about. It's also suppose to help the thyroid. You should look it up sometime.
I understand how you feel about the holidays and wanting a big family to take care of. Someday you will find a good guy. Don't give up hope Once!
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 21 November 2010 10:07 pm |
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I turn 25 next month!
Sassy I did actually quit smoking, I'm so proud of myself the scale is up a little, but I expect it to even itself out soon. I've been quit just a little less then a month.
I'll look up those supplements you suggested, I do take a skin nail and hair vitamin and I hope it's helping. I also get dry skin from my thyroid problem and I think it makes me feel older. I'm hoping as I continue to conquer my thyroid that things will continue to improve.Last edited on 21 November 2010 10:14 pm by OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
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Sassykat
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 21 November 2010 10:21 pm |
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Yeah, I get dry skin myself and it's rather irritating. I get flaky skin around my nose and cheeks sometimes - ugh. I use some baking soda mixed with a little liquid soap to exfoliate it and that works really well. It leaves my skin looking new and soft.
I also think the fish oil and krill oil help with dry skin. There are some good skin creams out there that contain CO Q 10 and Alpha Lipoic Acid, and hyaluronic acid, but I've never been one to use a lot of skin creams. I think it's because I just haven't had much time with 5 kids to raise!
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Sassykat
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 21 November 2010 10:23 pm |
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Oh Yeah! How could I forget? A big congratulations to you on quitting smoking! Yay! 
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 26 November 2010 04:03 am |
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uggh now i feel fat 
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 26 November 2010 05:10 pm |
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| I had 4 Thanksgivings this year, I didn't eat too bad considering, but Im not going near the scale. I'm hoping to lose that last ten pounds before Christmas. I want to buy a really pretty dress this year. It'll be the first dress I wear to a special occasion since before I was a mom :)
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 30 December 2007 |
| Location: | Chicago, USA |
| Posts: | 6301 |
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Posted: 11 December 2010 09:47 pm |
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| 'Tis the season for eating for sure...hope things are going well for you, Once.
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 12 December 2010 04:34 pm |
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| Hey Mol! things are going okay, I hit a record low of 133 but I'm pretty sure I'm back up to 135 after a semi-wild weekend. I've been trying the dating thing, and while sometimes fun (lets face it there are perks to dating) I'm tired of meeting new guys, getting to know their story and walking away. I would rather be single then unhappy with the wrong person, but it sure would be nice to share the journey with someone. I'm fishing from a small pool because I live in a small town, and not many meet the standard as it is, it's starting to feel like settle for less then what I want or be single because the guys who make the cut are only interested in me for a week. Cheers Mol, hope the dating world is treating you better then it's been to me!
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 13 December 2010 12:37 am |
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I've been so good today, back on the diet wagon. I've finally gotten to the point where one day is enough, and then I'm back to my healthy lifestyle. I think I've finally found harmony where food is concerned.
But where men are concerned, I'm feeling pretty lost. I feel like I have a lot to offer a relationship, and for someone who seems so in demand, I sure can't keep someone interested. I attract plenty of men, but they seem to fall into two categories, The Stalker or The Only Interested in me for a week :( I'm sticking to my guns about what I want in a partner, but man so few guys qualify. The list is pretty long, but it starts with, has a job, good with children, never cheated, doesn't hit women... So the guys who do make the cut are interested, just not very long. Being single is probably good for me, but I'd like to think that someday I could have a boyfriend again. I met a guy recently that I really like, he took me out, spoiled me a little, spent some real time with me, and then just like that, he dropped me... What happened, am I no longer cute, did I suddenly become boring? Ugh! it's very frustrating.
Instead I've been concentrating on the future, say I never meet a guy who fits, what's the plan? A big comfy house, set up just the way I like it, money to spare, a sporty car, lots of time to spend with my son, and maybe a few small pets. Okay, so how do I make that happen? First, have surgery because I won't be happy until that's out of the way. Second finish school, save for three years, buy house. It's actually not that complicated, and it can be accomplished fairly soon, within the next five years. It just all seems very pointless if I'm gonna be alone though.... Oh well, hopefully this alone thing will get easier, I'm sure I can get used to anything.
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 30 December 2007 |
| Location: | Chicago, USA |
| Posts: | 6301 |
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Posted: 13 December 2010 03:52 am |
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It's so disappointing when people can't be honest with someone about where they are at/why they stop calling etc. It's not a very good statement of their character in my opinion, and really unfair. :( So sorry he did that to you, but all too common as you know.
I like your 5-year plan - its great that you're getting *YOUR* goals in order for you and your son.
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 14 December 2010 02:59 am |
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At least he's texting me back, maybe he just is really busy, time will tell.
Diet going well, very hungry tonight though, think I better get a snack so I don't make any mistakes!
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Sassykat
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 December 2010 04:41 pm |
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Hey Once, I learned about a new nutrient that I thought you might be interested in. (new to me).
It's called Silica. I read about it being one ingredient of many for a longevity formula and I thought I would just look it up on iherb. I like reading customer reviews, because people say what effects they have noticed from taking something. Sooo... the customer reviews for silica were that it increased their bone density (from medical tests), some said it improved their hair texture, nails got stronger, skin improved and some people even said their muscle and injury repair got better.
I would like to do some more reading on it, but a lot of people seemed really impressed with the effect it had on their hair, skin and nails. Sounds promising huh?
Here is something to read:http://www.holisticwebs.com/cancer/silica.pdf
Have you tried it?
Last edited on 17 December 2010 04:59 pm by Sassykat
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 December 2010 05:02 pm |
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| Sassy I have heard of it but never tried it, I'm always looking for new supplements. I've been taking all my normals, but I have very dry skin this year (another symptom from my thyroid) I'm currently shopping for new skin and hair formulas to help this problem. I'm also thinking it may be time to discuss with my doctor switching medications, something that might help control symptoms better. Thanks Sas for the link!
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 29 December 2010 02:37 pm |
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Sassy, I've been trying silica, don't know how it's working yet, but after a little research I decided I best add it into the routine.
The holidays were bad, but not too bad. I'm up a little but not a lot, I feel huge, I keep stepping on the scale expecting it to say I gained more then I did. Back to the grind!
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Sassykat
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 30 December 2010 01:10 am |
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Oh so you decided to try the silica? Cool. I think it takes a while to notice the effects. I am starting it too, but I just want to add in a small amount every day. I tried a large dose of it and couldn't hardly fall asleep for several nights in a row. I do like that it does seem to boost my energy. I guess it doesn't necessarily have that effect on everybody, but it does for a quite a few.
We have a house full of treats too. It's very hard to diet during the holidays that's for sure!
Happy New Year Once!
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 30 March 2011 02:07 am |
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| A few months back my thyroid dropped again and on top of all of the other health issues that brings I gained almost 20 pounds :( I started seeing a specialist and found out I have Hoshimotos disease which is an autoimmune disorder that causes your body to attack and destroy your thyroid (nice right?) I'm feeling better after starting some new medication and I've already lost five pounds. I'm on the diet and exercise wagon and am trying my hardest to feel better.
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 April 2011 02:55 am |
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First a quick rant about men (please boys cover your eyes, this won't be pretty). I HATE men! Cheaters, Liars, No goods, Losers! I am so tired of it all. I'm gonna be alone the rest of my life. I am breathtaking, sweet, amazing, kind, generous, hard working and a great mom. I deserve no better then a great guy in my life. Enough said
On to better things. My diet is going well, I haven't lost anymore, but I haven't been trying super hard to lose. 150 isn't so bad and my body is very happy at this weight. I would like to be 135 but I would live with 140. I've been eating very good things, and having a wild weekend or night here and there that might involve meat or cookie dough or some other high calorie treat. Mostly I eat whole grains, yogurt, cottage cheese, fruits, veggies and fish. I feel healthy and strong for the first time in a very long time. My thyroid numbers are almost where they are suppose to be, I suspect my next doctor visit will have a small up in medication. I haven't been exercising as much as I would like to, but I do move. My doctor said that my HDL cholesterol was phenomenal, which means that exercise has paid off. My goal right now is to get more serious about getting to my ideal weight.
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 30 December 2007 |
| Location: | Chicago, USA |
| Posts: | 6301 |
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Posted: 17 April 2011 06:15 pm |
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Hiya Once! I'm glad to hear that your medical/thyroid issues seem to be under good management now. Also glad that things are going well with your diet.
And you deserve no less than a guy who dotes on you and thinks that the universe revolves around you. There are good ones out there...it's just a shame you have to kiss some frogs before you find your prince.
Have a great day!!
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 April 2011 06:34 pm |
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Slowly I am coming to terms with my thyroid disease. I will never have a full thick mane of hair again, I will always struggle with dry skin and my weight, but most of all when my thyroid has completely burned itself out I will not only be dependent on the medication to keep me healthy but also alive. I take my medication twice a day, just forgetting it once makes me very ill, I worry that someday something will happen and I won't have my pills. Sometimes I wake up at night and have symptoms and I'm very scared because of it, my heart beats too fast, I can't feel the fingers of one hand and I start to panic. I feel to say the least, broken.
Today is such a quiet beautiful Sunday, it's slightly overcast outside but it looks like it will clear up and be a nice day. I'm focused and determined, just the way I like it. I had my breakfast of champions, whole grain mini bagel, coffee with fat-free creamer and fruit. I've been sitting filling my weekly pill box with my vitamins. I love this moment, I want to live my life like this moment, full of me, making me happy.
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