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MichelleP
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 25 March 2009 |
| Location: | Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 685 |
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Posted: 10 October 2009 06:17 pm |
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Hi thin girl -
Just reading through your latest troubles. Suenos was right on with everything she said. I know the feelings your feeling, been there too and it does suck. We torture ourselves needlessly at times but it happens. Just keep trying to pick yourself up and make tomorrow a better day.
The thing is that we will always think that someone has a better body than ours. Our boyfriends and husbands will most likely always think someone has a better body than ours too. When it comes right down to it, it just doesn't matter and doesn't mean anything. And I'm sure that there are men out there who have a better body than Tall's or men who are better looking than Tall. It doesn't make you want him any less right?
I guess I don't really know what else to say as Suenos said it all. Just know that we know how you are feeling and we know how difficult it can be. You have accomplished a lot with your weight loss and that is something to celebrate. I'm totally rooting for you Thin girl.
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 10 October 2009 06:43 pm |
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lol...michellep, at this time, i think i can safely say my hubby thinks i am the world...i know not why, except that maybe because instead of doing what a typical woman (at least his ex wives) may do when getting married...gaining wt, getting lazy, getting skanky etc), i went the other way and lost over 30, found myself and am happy! LOL....i jest but i swear guys, he shuts ME down when I point out any other women or critique myself. I dont know how God brought me this man, but God better not take him away from me because I feel like I must be the only woman with such a man! THANK YOU GOD!
But, I can say that i have had too many before him that have done a EXTREME amount of damage to my self esteem and D has to work doubly hard, on his own accord to make sure that I know how he appreciates my beauty, before the loss and now even more so. I am blessed and I am not trying to brag or boast, its truelly something i NEVER EVER EVER thought i would find. I am also here to say that they are out there!!! I dont know if I notice other guys anymore, because D has it all...aside from being on the thin side, he has the muscle the brain the braun the drive the taste in things and ambition etc.....but in his eyes, he is defective because his teeth need to be redone and he feels he is too thin. So, my roles are reversed in this one, I never had a guy who thought he wasnt the Worlds gift for women and that i should be blessed to have him. Its wierd to have a man who thinks he can improve. ??? :)
I am not sure why i am sharing except to try to assure Once that maybe even though she loves this Tall that maybe he isnt the right fit for her anymore. Maybe she needs more than him, esp more support. Being alone sometimes is better than being with someone who isnt totally great to you ALL THE TIME and SUPPORTIVE and ENCOURAGING in POSITIVE WAYS and not constantly (whether induced or on his own) advising how you can change and make yourself better by doing surgical things to your shape or working out for 3 hours a day.
Perhaps, maybe you think you need a man such as him to make you prettier in your mind, because maybe he is model beautiful or sexy muscley or whatever....? I dated 2 guys in my time that were the Epitomy of a good looking guy and i was fluffy (like 190-230) and very lacking in confidence and needed them. When i didnt have them i didnt think i was anything important or necessary, i lived to please them and not myself...even though i thought at the time i was pleasing me by doing everything for them, but really i was just a rug to walk on and use. I just didnt see it that way, I thought they loved me because they cared enough to criticize me.
How stupid of me looking back, but at the time I thought that meant they cared. I have grown much since then, but in my 20's my mind was worped in thinking i had to have those guys to be accepted.
Now in my 30s after MUCH HEARTACHE AND LOSS AND GAIN OF PERSONAL AND PHYSICAL WEIGHT, I just adore my imperfect toothed, mechanic with a fantastic chest and muscles even if he has thin legs! LOL...he is my perfect man because he LOVES ALL OF ME EVERY DAY WITHOUT ANY HESITATION AND I WOULDNT GIVE HIM UP FOR THE BEST LOOKING BEST DRESSED MAN FOR ALL THE MONEY IN CHINA!
Ok, i am done. Once you just have to find your own way and what makes you smile every day, all the time. You are losing the wt, esp now, its just melting off of you and i am very jealous and proud all at once!!!! LMAO.....You have passed me by and I dont know if I can catch back up with you...i seem to be goin the other way the last few days.....lol....but you are on fire and i sure hope you are smiling from ear to ear right now, because if it was me down to 153-4 i would be doing kartwheels around my living room!!!!! And telling everyone i know how i am even lower than i thought i would ever be!!!
I believe in you and I believe you can find what is right for you in this life in love, work, family etc. Love you! :)
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 11 October 2009 04:16 am |
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Michelle- you and Suenos are totally right, but I worry BJ is right, I've let it get too far, the damage is done, and I don't know how to undo it. But I cry everytime I think about breaking up, in every other way he does it for me, he's the one.
weight today.....
drum roll please....
be suprised....
152.0!!!!!! OMG I'm so happy, I now recommend a calorie re-feed to everyone on earth, your metabolism does slow, but there is a way to recover it, I have seen the light!
Attached Image (viewed 417 times):
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 30 December 2007 |
| Location: | Chicago, USA |
| Posts: | 5732 |
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Posted: 11 October 2009 06:18 am |
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Hello Once. It's been a while since I caught up with you. You, obviously, have been dedicated and successful in your weight loss. I should come to your journal more often for inspiration. Congratulations on the 152!!!
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tourproven
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 11 October 2009 02:58 pm |
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Last edited on 15 October 2009 06:46 am by tourproven
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suenos
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 12 October 2009 04:57 am |
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152 lbs, 98lbs down - you are amazing!!!!!!!!
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MichelleP
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 25 March 2009 |
| Location: | Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 685 |
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Posted: 12 October 2009 02:36 pm |
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Yay - 152!!!
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 13 October 2009 07:52 pm |
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Scale has been stuck at 151.5 for the last couple of days. Hopefully it will start moving again. My goal is 150 by Sunday.
TourProven- I appreciate this insight, it actually really helped me to hear it from your side. I know everyone wants a healthy, good looking mate, but it absolutely baffles me why males are so visual. I see past his flaws, but he can't see past mine. Or he can, but not happily.
Thanks for noticing the drop everyone, I'm really happy about it. My goal was 150 by halloween and I think I'm there, but it still isn't as satisfying as I thought. My clothes just don't fit right, and because of my body being damaged I can't wear the things I want to. It's incredibly frustrating and heart-breaking.
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 13 October 2009 08:38 pm |
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hey once, i just read your last post and i can totally agree with you about the dissatisfied feeling that you have. I made my goal in the beginning of this 165 and here i am today back at the 157 and i am not content. I pushed thru a 4 mile interval workout that really rocked my body today and i am eating very light and hoping to see it take a small drop this week. But, i still feel like there is more i can do!!! It is very frustrating because obviously i am kicking a$$ with my effort but i still want more, its not enough. SICK!!!! Its just sick!
I appreciate tours insight too, but i wouldnt let it cloud your inner hearts judgement and gut feelings that you may have. Yes, he is giving great insight as the aftermath is always 20/20 vision of all the GOOD you HAD....but again, if she had ever gone back to him, things wouldnt ever be the same, the damage was done. He may still be pining for her, but where is she? she moved on and is probably with a guy who appreciates her from the first day. I think I had one of those guys, the one who realized what i was to him after i left, but still, most dont and once that is all out on the table, how do you go back and pray he will appreciate? I went back once, the guy begged me practically said how wonderful i was, how he was such a fool..i even moved back to CA for him, we made it 2 months, and when he almost hit my face while he was in a small rage, i decided i had to go...NOTHING had changed...it was all on the surface, but men, honestly in my mind dont change very often...A few may, and maybe tour realized and is a better man for it, but honestly i dont know any who have made a change and stuck to it. I may sound skanky, but truth hurts.
We can only change ourselves and from all that you share with us, i dont see tall as wishing to change himself at all....it appears that he is expecting it of you though....and try as hard as you do to only feel as empty as you do, plainly tells me that the damage is done. It may hurt like #%@&! if you break it off, and you may get back together, if you get time alone long enough to really start to love the new you, thru your own eyes, with your own feelings without his judgements, (whether invited or volunteerd by him) or you may get that time see that change by yourself and realize there are more fish in the sea.
When i was 23 i thought my guy at the time had all the qualities i adored, wanted, wished for, prayed for.....he ended up cheating on me, lying to me, while he would tell me he loved me, while he would say he was at work, he wasnt....i can go on, but you know the story, you may be living it in some ways....not by infidelity, though some may say even looking at another for any period or more than one could be construed as cheating....but that to me is a stretch, esp if you are pushing him to point out the good ones or the ones he likes so you can look like them if you work hard enough...honey, he needs to see you and love what you look like, no makeup, no surgery, no altering will ever change who you are inside and outside...what if something went wrong with surgery? what if it didnt work and you invested all that cash you have saved?
Too many ifs if you ask me, i would seriously just look at what you have done, esp the past two weeks...you are almost to 150 and you were upset when you were stuck in the 158-160......you are making it happen....you just have to see it!!!! You just have to see it thru your OWN EYES....
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tourproven
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 14 October 2009 01:02 am |
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Last edited on 15 October 2009 06:46 am by tourproven
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 14 October 2009 02:27 am |
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tour, i hope that you will find that gal who will appreciate the newer you! I commend you for being man enough to sit back and see that you maybe could have treated her differently. I do think as well, that all things happen for a reason and she was the relationship that opened your eyes to things that you look for, things you can change and now you will be all the better for the next gal who walks across your path that catches your eyes. She will be blessed to find you if you have changed as you say you have, because you will be a winner if she and you are meant to be. And, if not, then it will be another process you go thru as you take that path to finding the right one.
we all make mistakes in relationships, say things we shouldnt, or maybe could say differently if we take the time to think it thru, but we wont all ever be perfect for ourselves or one another. I think its allowing the acceptance that we may be 90% perfect for each other and meeting in the middle or agreeing enough to say that that 10% is ok that we may not particular love or adore because the rest makes it worth it. You will both know when you find that one. I found mine two years ago, didnt know it for months, but always kinda wondered from day one and then things just fell into place. The biggest thing was he accepted ALL of me from Day one and never asked me to change anything, unlike all the past relationships i had. Now, with all this loss i have actually gone above and beyond what he ever MAY HAVE hoped or expected or wished for, because in a lot of ways he prefers a gal with more meat on her bones, with more to love and hold....lol...ironic! BUt i did this for ME, i am losing this weight for ME so that i know I am where I should be in the body i have and that i feel comfortable being whatever size i end at. It may be now, at a size 10 or it may be somewhere in the 6-8's who knows??? but i am not doing it for D, I love him that much. I cant make him the reason for my loss goals, or else where do i exist in the relationship?
i wish the both of you the best of luck in the relationship department, it has to be about what makes you happy inside and out! The person you feel complete with, aside from any small difference, because they will exist. there will be good and bad, but if you can communicate honestly, openly with each other you should be able to overcome pretty much anything!
i must hush now.....i am going on and on....again, tours i wanted to say how great it is that you have opened up and expressed yourself, its awesome! :)
ps, i dont know if i would say you were given up on tours, but rahter...? maybe it should be looked at as you both did what you could at that time, and decided for the right reasons at that time that things were not meant to be. you both suffered a great loss, but you gained a huge lesson and you loved for those moments. It wasnt a mistake, it wasnt a loss that would hurt you forever as long as you look at it as an experience that is going to mold you into the man you are destined to be for that right woman. :) Life isnt made of mistakes, its made of lessons and experience and moments that lead us to the person we are supposed to be in His eyes, he is directing all experiences and preparing you for the day you meet that mate :) (ok, i wont get all holy on anyone, just wanted to put that out there... :) God Bless and Best Wishes! :) hugs
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 October 2009 12:15 am |
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I was a bad girl. But just for one night. I had some sushi, miso and tempura. Plus two bowls of ice cream and 2 rice cakes with cheese....eep!!!
Tonight I will be good. My goal is still 150 by Sunday, although I'm sitting at 153 right now, I believe most of that is water weight. I plan on some light days and a few trips to the gym to help get rid of it.
BJ- It's so hard, the lower I get the worse I feel about my body. I'm at a "normal" weight now, but I definently don't feel that way. Even when I do reach my goal of 120 I don't think I'll be happy. I dont know what to do. It's all very depressing. And now I don't even feel pretty. I feel so flawed.
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 October 2009 02:43 am |
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hey once, i totally relate to that idea of not being happy when you get to that ideal number you have in your head. I wonder if that will be my problem too? Today, i was doin my 5 fat burn miles, they are 12 mph miles and i was jammin thur it with my hand wts and givin it all i had....and i look down at my thinner legs, thighs etc and all i see is that darn cellulite that just WONT GO AWAY! I am working my legs, arms and middle so hard with these workouts, and i can only see the jiggles that make me want to hurl. I dont even stop to realize that i am wearing D's boxers that are a Medium when two years ago, i would have been in an XL! You would think I could see that I am smaller but I dont. I just see the flaws, esp when i am bad with the food.
I started with a strong day today, and having mj back home, well, i guess i was kinda stressed over our adjusting back to her being here...its always an adjustment because my folks are very leniant, very giving, they let her do whatever whenever and well, here we have the basic rules...the 1st two days back are always an adjustment. So, whatever it was that tipped me just sent me reeling...I had some pasta for lunch, with an apple..that was OK....i didnt overeat at all...but then, here we are at 4pm and what do i do? i dive into the leftover raviolis and eat like 7 right there, cold and everything...totally defeating my hard work earlier!!! :( So, then right after that i put in the video and slammed thru 2 miles cramping from the full tummy and all...it was so lame. :( I did 7 miles today and yet....i dont feel any better knowing how hard i worked! :( Why cant I just handle stress a little better or more productively??
totally not the subject here...but i had to share that because its so easy to undue good....so easy!! I dont know what we will do to make our heads see the change, to feel better, smaller, sleaker, trimmer etc.....i just dont know short of a head shrink that i know i cant afford. I am proof that it doesnt get easier even if you have an "all adoring, showering love and comments guy" as i do....some days i just dont want him to touch me, i am so disgusted with myself....kinda like i feel today.
i know i didnt make you feel any better, but maybe you know you arent alone...somehow we will get thru this together.....im here...just keep sharing with me. :) Today, I was back to 157 for the 2nd day...lol....i have been at 159-160 since last friday...so i guess i am doing a little something good...now if i can get to 155 even, i will feel some sense of accomplishment... lol...yeah, or so i can think!!! :)
tomorrow is a new day, lets just get thru tonite...we can start it all over again new tomorrow.. :) hugs...
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tourproven
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 October 2009 03:06 am |
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Last edited on 15 October 2009 06:47 am by tourproven
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suenos
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 October 2009 04:58 am |
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| Once, I have no idea what you see when you look in the mirror - but what I see when I look at your pics is a very attractive woman with killer curves (that I envy), great bone structure and a truly beautiful face.
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 October 2009 05:28 am |
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tourproven- no offense, but his "flaws" are not flaws to me, because he's not perfect makes him who he is and who I love. Men are shallow, they don't want an "imperfect" girlfriend, they can't see a flaw as uniqueness.
Suenos, thank you, I wish I could feel better about myself, but I don't know how to. Tall's indiscrestions just grow by the hour, and the fighting is just getting worse, I don't know what to do anymore, I'm lost.
BJ- I want to come work out with you! That sounds like a killer workout, I've been craving some butt kicking exercise lately!
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tourproven
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 October 2009 05:42 am |
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Last edited on 16 October 2009 05:38 am by tourproven
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 October 2009 03:22 pm |
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once i am tellin you, invest in the money to get these videos...it will change your life, not just in the working out, but the motivation from Leslie and the others in her videos...seeing the same faces over the years and how they have physically changed is super motivating and honestly its allmost like having them here in my living room spurring me on!!!
here is her website: http://www.walkathome.com/ You can sign up to be a walk member, but her stuff is of course more expensive than amazon....but its nice to get her newsletters etc. ;)
here is amazon website: http://www.amazon.com, under this one just look up Leslie Sansone and you will get pages and pages of her videos.
Here are the ones that I have that I adore and use regularly:
1. Fast Start! 3 Fast Miles! (Fast start is 2 miles with intervals and then other is 3 fast miles)
2. 4 Fast Miles (4 miles with 5 intervals of 3 min fast walk/2min of boosted jogging)
3. Walk Away the Waistline ( 3 fast miles that use a hand belt that wraps around your waist and requires tension from you, awesome tool! Mydogs ate mine and I am sans the belt now... :( ) but its still awesome with hand wts.
4. The Big Burn (2 Miles of intervals which are the 3fast/2jog)
5. Walk your belly Flat (3 mile walk with the ad workout afterwards)
6. 5 Mile Fat Burning Miles (5 12 min miles, all with 2 min jog at end)
There are more of course! Its almost overwhelming!
I tend to get her newer videos...she has another one out that i want to get...actually i just ordered it! lol.....such a consumer i am!! its called Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds Fat Burning Miles and its got:
4 Full Length Workouts on One DVD
Power Mile 20 minutes
Walk Strong 33 minutes
Walk & Jog 33 minutes
Walk & Kick 33 minutes and it comes with a stretchie resistance band, in the event i prefer not to use wts. I am going to get some 2 lb hand wts though, so that i can really use the upper body. I have 1 lb right now, which i am sure are a bonus, but i am already fit so i have to up it some more!! :)
Walk with me! :) And though its harsh, but its because we all adore you the old and new....get rid of tall, its for the best, once that bridge is broken, you cant repair it without the proper help and both sides have to want to try.....just let it collapse and dont look back over your shoulder with regret. You are soo young, you have your entire life ahead of you and he isnt going to change, even as you do! And as you said, you love him flaws and all, but obviously he is finding more and more wrong with you than right...(which is TOTALLY TWISTED!!!!) I know you dont know any of us from Adam around the corner, but really i think we may just know you better than Tall at this point, he seems to be looking at the old you only and failing to see the beautiful butterfly that has bloomed out of her cocoon.
Love you! :) Hugs and Bugs have a good day!! :)
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 October 2009 03:54 pm |
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| If I don't want a tummy tuck he doesn't want to be with me. What's wrong with this picture?
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suenos
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 October 2009 04:13 pm |
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| wow Once - there's so much wrong with that picture! Honestly, that's not you making your body issues part of the relationship - that's him being the type of guy you smack upside the head and walk away from. again...just wow.
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 October 2009 04:23 pm |
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BE GONE FROM HIM THEN......OMG...there is SOOO much wrong with his head!!! Honestly! Give me your number, I will have D call you to give you some advice...he is so good at bringing us to our senses.....he has been down too many roads to not listen to him...OMG x INFINITY! Tall needs to be flogged! How totally wrong he is!!!
End it sweetie, end it sooner than later.....Start sooner so you can begin to love and appreciate the NEW YOU!!!
We are all here to support you.
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MidgeH
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Posted: 15 October 2009 04:55 pm |
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If I don't want a tummy tuck he doesn't want to be with me. What's wrong with this picture?
Arrrgh! Grrrrrr...... So much is wrong with that picture I can hardly stand it.
You are young, thin (even if you don't see it), beautiful (ditto) and if that isn't enough for him then you have to move on for your own sanity.
Being alone for a while is OK! In fact it's awesome.
This guy kinda confuses me. If I remember right when you met you were bigger, maybe as much as 30-40lbs bigger. And he's having a problem NOW? Has something happened with him recently to cause this asshat behavior?
Men are shallow, they don't want an "imperfect" girlfriend, they can't see a flaw as uniqueness.
Only the jerks.
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Beatlesgirl
New Member
| Joined: | 17 September 2009 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 85 |
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Posted: 15 October 2009 05:23 pm |
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what the #%@&! is wrong with him? you looked beautifull in your picture. What is he like god´s gift to women? I s he good looking? And he should be pushing you away from surgery if he loves you, I would never advise anybody to have surgery, well If you truely want it then its your body and your choice but I would carry on with the gym and eating healthy.....its a tricky subject, many people are advising you to leave him, one question....does he care if you leave him? Maybe you should consider having a break, maybe you should say to him that you would like a week away just to think about things, go and stay with a friend or relative...if he asks what you have to think about just say the truth, that you are finding things hard recently, and that you want to feel loved....whatever is in your head you must tell him.
I´m not going to tell you to leave your husband, thats no business of mine, but I want you to be happy, you deserve to be happy, and if hes making you feel like you need to be 24-7 at the gym then something is not right, is he dating you or your body???!!!!!
I know that this is very dificult for you and if it was the other way round I would never be stong enough to leave him, I´m unhappy in my relationship but I can´t leave, If you find the strength to leave then one day you are going to find a man that loves you for you, every curve of your body, If you can´t bare the thought of leaving him then try to take a week out, to think, spend time with friends and enjoy yourself.
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 October 2009 05:25 pm |
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| to my memory, i dont think they are married........just in it for a long time....it will hurt, but i do believe with all my heart and my 157 pds that she should end this once and for all for her own heart, mind and all 150pds.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
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Posted: 15 October 2009 07:00 pm |
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| He doesn't want me to lose more weight, he just has a problem with my belly. I do too, but I didn't realize it bothered him that much. If you loved someone would it really matter? He told me he wanted someone who cared about their body (who doesn't?) but now it just feels like he wants someone perfect.
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tourproven
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 October 2009 07:50 pm |
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| good luck Last edited on 16 October 2009 12:54 am by tourproven
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 October 2009 08:49 pm |
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Well, tourproven, i'm not going to comment on your post because this is Once's diary, but DUDE.
Once, I'm sorry if my posts have been a little harsh. We all just want was is best for you. I have one question that might be kinda hard to answer though. It is for me to ask it. Do you think Tall is really having a problem with your figure, I mean is it really something he goes out of his way to make you feel bad about, or do you think you might be projecting your own feelings for your "flaw" and turning his comments into something bigger then they are?
I am the queen of projected feeling and I can tellyou about lots of times I thought something was going on with the SO that turned out just to be my own issues being put on him.
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 October 2009 11:42 pm |
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| I do project for sure Midge, but he almost didn't date me because of it. Like he seriously can't accept me the way I am. He wants to but he can't.
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 16 October 2009 01:01 am |
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wow, this is getting heated! LMAO...good job Once! :) Now look at all us with our tails and hair all standing up! lol....tours, wow, i agree with Midge....DUDE! Come on, have you read all of her posts? this is not a new thing, this has been getting worse as she gets smaller, over the last months. Not just a new latest development based on her insecurities and his inability to see her as beautiful this way. Obviously she is hurting, in all ways over the way he appears to not support or not tell her how great she looks right now, today this second, this hour.....i think she deserves his kudos every day because she is working harder than most of the people on these threads.... she is totally devoted and for him to say that he almost didnt date her because of her shape, is well, to me completely shallow, honest but shallow. I do not see Once as the type who will choose her mate, her boyfriend, her partner based solely on his figure what he is now, what he can be etc. She wants someone who will see her beauty inside and outside i would imagine, just like any woman, and if he came into this situation with her, with his own doubts about whether he would actually date her due to her figure...well, then, why is he there? and if he is there because he loves her, he needs to be loving all of her, all the time.....or at least, say this is how i want you to be and let it lie, then its in her court to say ok, i will do this or are you freaking crazy? surgery just to keep your sorry butt?!?! LMAO...I am jesting of course, but can you actually sit here and think that Once is heartless? I think her heart is breaking because she is working very hard and only getting validation from us, and we matter but we arent her mate, we are just virtual friends who are in the same boat, whether now or past. We are trying to save her the agony of suffering thru this with him,only to end up alone a year from now anyway, all beautied out with surgery and he isnt satisfied.
Like Midge sais, its ok if not great to be alone! I was for over 2 years with my baby girl and i really wasnt that unhappy, i was able to start a journey that brought me here, married, in a lovely house, with a lovely life, working hard to be the person who is hiding underneath all the extra fluff! If I were alone, #%@&!, i would be alot farther along in the weight loss i bet because i wouldnt have these tempting yummies that my hubby can eat! LMAO!!! :)
Once, i am here! Hugs and love yourself baby no one else can do it for you!!!!!!!!!!
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tourproven
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 16 October 2009 05:38 am |
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I have decided to stay out of it, hence my deleted posts. BTW-I wasn't saying she was heartless, I was only making a gross generalization about women as she did about men, that was based on my own personal experiences.
It's none of my business, and it seems everything I say falls on deaf ears anyways. I will keep my posts about weight loss from now on, unless directly asked about something.
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 16 October 2009 06:16 am |
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| tour- your always welcome to post an honest male opinion in my diary. I appreciate a male perspective. I can't speak for everyone else, but please men are a mystery to me, I'd rather know what I'm up against.
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MichelleP
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 25 March 2009 |
| Location: | Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 685 |
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Posted: 16 October 2009 02:26 pm |
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl wrote: If I don't want a tummy tuck he doesn't want to be with me. What's wrong with this picture?
OMG! Really? Did he actually say this to you? If so then there's definitely something wrong with this picture. If he's saying #%@&! like this then it is only knocking your self esteem down and you don't need that. You say that he wants someone who cares about their body. You care about your body so wouldn't that mean that he has what he wants?
It's easy for all of us to tell you to dump his #%@&! but you're emotionally invested in him so I know that's not something that would be easy to do. But girl if he keeps making you feel like #%@&! about yourself then maybe a break would be a good thing. Maybe a break would open his eyes and he'd see the error of his ways and change some things. Change is hard, maybe even more so for men, so I wouldn't count on that. Maybe the break would open your eyes and let you see that you don't need him in your life. Maybe, maybe, maybe a lot of things. All I know is that you need to feel good about you. You have to make your own happiness. You can't put your happiness in the hands of Tall or anyone else for that matter. It's hard, I know. I have faith in you Thin Girl. God I wish I could give you a huge hug and make everything all better for you. You are a beautiful girl and one day I'm hoping that you look in the mirror and see and feel that for yourself! 
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BJD74
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Posted: 16 October 2009 06:52 pm |
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Tours, really you dont have to stop commenting and sharing!!! :( I agree with Once, men are a mystery. I get defensive because I have been in her shoes (as have a lot of women) and I can say honestly that I think both genders generalize and put all men and all women in categories when they are in pain and hurting (incl me!)
We all have been in both of your shoes at some point, I am sure...I have never been called heartless myself, but that is always because i laid down and took all the mental, physical, emotional abuse I could to please those that I thought were worthy of my love, always ending in pain and major loss of myself as a being, as a woman...so i may have been defensive and I apoligize.
I do appreciate your commments here, and it is helping miss Once to see from the other side, from another male, but i honestly think that what is going on here with her relationship is beyond any of us fixing for her. We can only give her our advice and love, and she has to decide what is best for her.
Again tours, dont stop writing in here about your experience, if we cant all be open, defensive or loving to each other none of us will ever heal from our past pains, yours mine theirs and hers....
Big Hugs to you for being here and being strong enough to share your experience with ALL OF US......and remember that all the pains we experience, the losses we have, all contribute in many ways to our weight.... :( unfortunately.
I agree with Michelle, Midge and all the rest of us who care about Once, she has to decide when enough is enough, what she can take and what she cant, what her Tall wants and what is really realistic for her, and again, should she jump into surgery, go thru the pain of healing and all the down time required to recover, the time lost in her efforts to get to this point.....in the end will it be worth it? or will he be upset now that she has some minor scarring? I mean, when is it enough?
For me, its boobies as you guys all know.....and last nite D sais to me he doesnt want me to get any because he thinks its invasive to a body that is perfect as it is. What if it changes me inside and out and makes me think that he isnt good enough anymore? What if i stop loving him because now I think my boobies will attract someone who is better looking and whatever sending me to the "shallow" end of the pool.....How do you respond to that? Its crazy to think about how much a transformative surgery could change a person inside and out. He is right, how do we know how i wouldnt change inside, if i got reconstructive boob surgery? I mean, i love him and all his flaws....the teeth the super skinnyness that makes him who he is..i love him and i appreciate that he is this honest with me... but what if?? He could be right...how shallow are men and women capable of being and how much can it change a persons personality? It is a scary thought to think I would could possibly see my hubby who i adore as less than perfect because suddenly i am now perfect?? But then, I also consider ok, well, here i am average today and then tomorrow i am busting out with brand new cleavage? How wierd is that? It would be so obvious that i had surgery and that is embarrassing in itself that i wasnt woman enough to make what i was gifted from God more beautiful or accentuated in a natural way or a nice push up bra etc... In the end, i wont do it, I am doing what i never thought possible in losing this weight, why would i choose the easy way out now? As I get thinner around the middle, work off the hips, tone my shoulders more, I will appreciate my upper shape more each day. It just takes time, Rome wasnt built in a day. I wont give up the beauty i have now, not anymore...i will find a balance for my shape and embrace it. :)
More and more I am grateful to myself for caring enough about myself to lose this weight and improve my body, in the ways that I can.....and i am really glad that i did it for me because you can do it for someone else but they may not always be around for us when we finish our transformations, and like it or not, it changes us inside and outside to lose weight. ANd worse, what if WE dont like it once its done?????
Once is changing as a woman, inside and out daily, and this may be a factor in what is affecting them as a couple.....losing weight changes people, sometimes couples stay together and sometimes they dont. She has to find her path, whether its with Tall or without Tall. But i keep listening to her talk about the changes she is making and she still isnt content, something has to give.
I just wrote a book, and i am not sure exactly what its about, but i guess i wanted to share some more thoughts about all of it! LOL......
I love all of you guys for your candid responses, heartfelt emotions that pour through your comments, I cant tell you ENOUGH how grateful I am for all of you!!!
Once, you will find the path that is right for you... hugs <3
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
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Posted: 16 October 2009 10:30 pm |
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Tall and I continue to fight. The other night I found some "pictures" on Talls computer. I was very upset. I've talked to some guy friends about it, and it seems pretty run of the mill, but it definently doesn't help me feel better about myself. And I'm very not okay with that. I also found an email from a girl he was talking to that he just wants to be "friends" with but he told her in the email she was cute and he'd like to get to know her. I looked at her myspace and she's an incredibly attractive thin girl. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but it's just one more thing to add to the pile.
I feel like I need to lose at least 20 if not 30 more pounds. I'm working my way there, but once there I know my body is not going to be what I want it to. I plan to work out hard for a year after I reach maintanence and see if my skin doenst' snap back some. After that I would like to have surgery done. I would also very much like to have a laser peel, and don't hate me for saying it guys, but rhinoplasty. I have a big nose and it makes me crazy!
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BJD74
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Posted: 16 October 2009 11:39 pm |
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oh once, i could cry to hear you saying these things....talking to "other guys" to get their input is very normal and to have them say that they all do it is i think only true when the guy doin it isnt very happy or isnt satisfied where he is. Baby i can cry for you right now, esp because my sister in law, who is a size 6 with hips and all the curves has a husband who is checking out "sites" and has been caught now 3 times.....this is a man, who rescued her from an abusive 1st marriage, a sweet quiet, gentle man, who told her sex wasnt the most important thing, who loved her as a person....who now sais years later that he cant help it? Come on people...you can help it. I recognize that we are all human, we check out others, we look at others, some cheat even....spouses accept it sometimes etcetcetc....but i think its not ok. MJs sperm donor, my ex was very into the anime' porn, he even printed pics to bring home, he had a tendency for those things and i tried to say "its ok, its just what men need to satisfy themselves, its the animal in them blah blah blah"....but now i am older and wiser and would never say its ok if my man were doing that. Granted, ok, if it was a show and we BOTH wanted to watch it to add spice or whatever....then, ok, at least we BOTH agreed to check it out, but honestly our life in the bedroom isnt lacking at all....i dont think that Tall is happy anymore either and this has to be a changing point for you...that ON TOP of all the other stuff, ON TOP of the thin cute girl he WANTS TO GET TO KNOW BETTER? OMG...i would be like, go go now, before i kick your sorry butt out the door wiht my boot! (and i am a wimp, to say the least!)....but come on honey, do this for you. Let him go. You will be better for it, and then if in another year you have worked your belly to the max and arent happy with it, then its because YOU WANTED IT FOR YOU.
The nose, well, i cant comment there, i have my flaws too...but i dont know how much i mind them, they are my heritage, pieces of my folks in me...i dont think i want to take that away. My background is irish/polish/italian and well, i have lots of body hair, a cherry nose, slightly off ears (makes my eye glasses seem higher on one side, but only I SEE IT!... large broad shoulders like my dad, big size 10 feet, and crazy thick curly hair! I can safely tell you that when i was 23, i wanted all of it to get changed, i wanted to be different than i was. As i have grown and gotten older, I dont see myself that way anymore. I see that there are others out there who definately could change themselves to improve themselves and i say ok, i am just fine with my big feet and wild hair! But when i was 23, i didnt feel that way at all. Give your body and mind a break young one...you may feel very differently when you are on your own, with your own solo thoughts about yourself and when you are older. Your body is still changing, even more so now because of all the things you are doing.....
Just think about it. Just please think about it.
PS, what does your son say to you? does he tell you he loves you and how pretty his mommy is and how awesome you are?? what does your family say to you as you change and lose the weight? what about your friends? anyone outside of TALL!?
a big huge hug to you tonite....i am so sorry that you are discovering more upsetting things about him, if D and I were there, we would kick his butt to china! LOL...i jest, but we would be defending you any way we could, D just dont tolerate that #%@&!, feels it totally ruins women and their confidence. He is absolutely right.
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MichelleP
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 25 March 2009 |
| Location: | Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 685 |
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Posted: 17 October 2009 12:30 am |
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| Thin - I SO SO feel for you girl. I just don't know what to say. Have you confronted Tall about the pictures and the wanting to get to know the other girl better #%@&!? I know you are going through #%@&! and please know that I am here for you in this virtual world. I've been through some similar stuff myself and I know how badly you are feeling. I'd love to talk to you on the phone sometime.
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Beatlesgirl
New Member
| Joined: | 17 September 2009 |
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| Posts: | 85 |
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Posted: 17 October 2009 02:35 am |
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| I´m so sorry, so deeply sorry, you cant tolerate that, if it was me I would say go #%@&! your #%@&!ing pretty #%@&! I dont need you anymore you are a worthless womanizing #%@&!!! Seriously, if there´s one thing I hate its that, I´m the most jelous girl in the world, I cant stand my bf looking at another girl. Do something please, he´s a jerk, a real jerk, If he loved you he wouldnt do this to you, what a jerk, tell him beatlesgirl says kiss her #%@&! you waste of space!!!! (sorry to be so forward but this comment has reallly really annoyed me!) hugs
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suenos
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 October 2009 06:06 am |
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| Hey Once. Weiging in with my 2 cents. Oddly enough I'd be cool with the pics. Maybe cause I have 3 brothers and a lot of guy friends -and I've come across stuff on their computers that would make your hair stand up, not to mention that before my hubby became my hubby I had a whole folder on my computer of cute guy pics (some kinda interesting) that I'd collected just cause I like cute guys - but it probably would have made me look "iffy" if my boy had come across them when we were still dating. But I think the whole "I also found an email from a girl he was talking to that he just wants to be "friends" with but he told her in the email she was cute and he'd like to get to know her." is a big red flag...IMO that does not sound like a guy that is seriously involved and committed to his woman....and honestly, I'm gonna say that if you're at the point of prowling through your man's emails then there's a major trust issue...and nothing sucks worse than being in a relationship with a guy you can't trust.....the bottom line, though, is that I get the sense that, despite your physical insecurites, you're a pretty strong woman and I have a feeling that you're coming close to the decision that maybe this isn't the healthiest relationship for you to be in...I don't know how it affects men, but for A LOT of women there seems to be (and I include myself in this) a crazy, insecure, body dysmorphic demon that takes over after a significant body changing weight loss and it takes months and months for that demon to fade away....maybe there should be a rule like in AA where we should be encouraged not to seriously date for the first year after getting sober (slim).
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sqzee
New Member
| Joined: | 22 January 2009 |
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| Posts: | 410 |
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Posted: 17 October 2009 08:59 am |
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl wrote:
I would also very much like to have a laser peel, and don't hate me for saying it guys, but rhinoplasty. I have a big nose and it makes me crazy!
I don't regularly read your diary (and therefore my opinion might not be as important to you) but this has forced me to post! I don't know what your belly looks like, so plastic surgery if you want, but honestly you have the most beautiful face. I breaks my heart that you want to change that too!
And for the rest, I agree with everyone. This is the most cliché thing to say, but you need someone who loves you for you, and especially loves what you see as flaws. You say men can't see your "flaws" as uniqueness, that's not men, that's your man. The right one will be able to.
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 October 2009 03:26 pm |
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| well said suenos....!!!!! well said sqzee!!! (good to see you around again! :) Last edited on 17 October 2009 03:27 pm by BJD74
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Sassykat
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 October 2009 06:14 pm |
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Hello Once!  It sounds like you are getting plenty of advice and I have not been around for a long time, but I just wanted to offer you my support. There are just a couple things I want to offer.
1 - is when you are dating someone and in a relationship with them, do you imagine what it is going to be like growing old with them? I mean seriously, spending 40 or more years with this person? Because age has a way of equalizing every body's looks. And it doesn't take long either. A relationship that is based on appearances has no foundation to it.
I am 40 years old now. I started getting compliments about my looks when I reached puberty. And it was nice for a while. I made the mistake of letting it become part of my value as a human being though and now... That beauty is fading. It doesn't matter what creams I use or what money I spend, it will not stop time. I am getting more and more wrinkles. I am getting gray hair. My skin has lost its elasticity. Even if I lose weight, color my hair and do all the countless things a person can do to make themselves look better, I will never look like an 18 yr old girl again. And the thing is after a while, those things don't even seem that important anymore.
You know what's important? Is how we all treat each other. The moments of life. Sharing laughter, love and good times with my kids, my husband and our families and friends. Not that my body looks awesome or my hair is perfect. Heck no. Because those things are temporary and they don't necessarily bring me any joy.
2 - After all the things you have written about on here, I feel compelled to say... Isn't it time for you to work on your self esteem? I think it would be awesome if you made that a priority and became proactive about it. Either through your faith, or counseling, or even looking for some books to help you get some insight about things in your life that are affecting you. This psychology class that I'm taking and the text book that I have to read for it have really been causing me to look at my own life and the effect that my parents had on my self esteem. It's been very enlightening. At first it made me uncomfortable because I felt that I forgave my parents and I didn't want to rehash any bad feelings, but it's actually helping me see that I don't have to feel bad about myself anymore. My parents were the authoritarian type. They were too hard on me and almost impossible to please. So while I was obedient, I have always been prone to feeling not good enough and feeling guilty about everything. Now at least I am stopping to think... Some of these feelings of guilt and failure are not necessary. They are not valid. I need to give myself a break. And so do you.
I guess I just wanted to share some of my thoughts before you make any life altering decisions.
Once, you are gorgeous, and I can tell you are very kind, and caring. You are priceless. You have a gorgeous little boy who needs his momma to be happy and set a role model so that he can be happy himself.
Life is short. I feel the need to be so very careful with this life that I have been given. It is a gift and everything I do in this world has an effect on many, not just myself. Your life is no different than mine.
I am so sorry for the pain that you have been going through. I think you and your son deserve to be loved. I hope you don't mind me posting in your journal. I will be hoping for the best for you - whatever that may be. And if you don't mind, I will be adding you to my prayers.
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 October 2009 07:31 pm |
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SASSYKAT.....I THINK THAT WHAT YOU HAVE SHARED IS BEAUTIFUL IN AND OF ITSELF! IT IT ALL SOO TRUE, ESP THE PART ABOUT AS WE AGE, THE LOOKS PER SE' ARENT QUITE AS IMPORTANT AS LOVE, PARTNERSHIP, COMMUNICATION AND QUALITY TIME SPENT WITH THOSE YOU LOVE.
ONCE, WE ARE HERE...HOW ARE THINGS TODAY??? YOU ARE DEFINATELY IN THIS HOMES THOUGHTS!!!!! HUGS AND BLESSINGS.....
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MichelleP
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 25 March 2009 |
| Location: | Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 685 |
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Posted: 20 October 2009 03:10 pm |
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| Hey thin girl - just wanted to say hi and I'm hoping that your week is getting off to a good start. Hope you're okay out there!
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tourproven
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 20 October 2009 03:25 pm |
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Hey thingirl- I found a song that you and the girls can use as your Theme song. I know if my ex has heard it, she is really struggling to not call me and tell me about it: (sorry I didn't know where else to put it and since all this kinda talk has been on your post)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCOnX40rf8Q
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 20 October 2009 04:48 pm |
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c0ol tours havent heard it, but i like it! :) i bet the other ladies will too! sometimes its good to just sing it away! :)
Once, sweetie, how ya doin????
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
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Posted: 20 October 2009 09:35 pm |
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I'm doing a short re-feed. Tonight is the last night, I had two days before that. I was starting to feel tired and cold so I figured it was time for a little break. I think I'm up like five pounds, but we'll see what the scale says Sunday.
Tall and I are doing better. He says I'm what he wants. But he still doesnt understand that I'm totally in love with all of him and that it hurts that he doesn't love all of me.
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
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Posted: 23 October 2009 06:00 am |
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| The problem with re-feeds is sometimes they are hard to stop. Hopefully it will end soon lol.
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tourproven
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 23 October 2009 02:11 pm |
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| What in the world is a 're-feed'?
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 24 October 2009 04:59 am |
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| A re-feed is a period of time set aside to be "off" the diet. I use this time to get my metabolism back to base rate. I know i need to do this when my fingers are cold and the nail beds are purple. I'm also very lethargic. Because i've been dieting so long I think this happens to me. Plus sometimes i go a little too low with calories.
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tourproven
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 4 November 2009 03:24 am |
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Thingirl...are you still around? 
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