My journal on changing (saving) my life. - My Diary - Post Your Diary On-line - Individuals

I don't have time for a blog or a website, so I thank the owners of this website for allowing me a space to vent my thoughts. I'm a selfish person so I'm just using this space as way to document and self motivate me in various ways. I don't expect anyone to comment or even enjoy what I'm reading, but in the event you do take the time to read or comment, thank you in advance. All comments good or bad, will be welcome.

Warning: I plan to "tell it like it is", if you have children or might be offended by sometimes harsh words, please be warned now. My situation is bad, and I'm very #%@&! off what I have done to myself and I need a place to vent.

I plan to post here as often as possible, maybe once a day, maybe 10 times a day, maybe once a week, I don't know. All I do know, I need to change my life right now if I want my life back.

And so it begins.....

zas
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Joined:	19 April 2010
Location:	Doha, Qatar
Posts:	1064

Posted: 2 December 2010 04:01 pm

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hi fatbegone,
welcome to the forum.....vent as much you want ...no children next to me ...lol
being here has made huge difference in my life too.....before i would never stick to any diet and always fall off the wagon ....but now that's changed and i have my life back !!!!

good luck to you. :grin:

fatbegone
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Joined:	2 December 2010
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Posted: 2 December 2010 09:27 pm

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Thanks zas, had a look around, some good peeps here, which does indeed help. ;)

Some background info....I've always been a big guy, but I always had some decent energy. I never really minded being big because I could do whatever I wanted physically. I'm a game designer/developer and a couple of years ago I started getting really into my work, (I work at home, self employed, etc) and spent more and more hours working and less time doing anything physical. Well it came to a head the past year when I had a new contract for a wii game and started spending 18 hours a day on the frickin game. Funny how time catches up with you. The project took about 7 months to complete, but even before that I had started to gain alot of weight the year before, but after this project was over I had a rude awakening...

I started to go out with the wife again, we just made a #%@&! load of money and I knew we would have some time off, so I wanted to start taking her out again, go shopping, etc, etc. Long story short, I couldn't even walk a few hundred feet without my lungs starting to burn, and being very short of breath. I was like...wtf is this?!?! I already have been dealing with heart problems my entire life (mainly pvc's, etc) but I was NEVER short of breath or had chest tightness, etc. To make matters worse my youngest daughter was getting married in a few weeks, how the #%@&! could I fit into a tux and walk her down the aisle?

man...I got fitted for a tux, did the wedding, etc, etc, everything went ok at the wedding but my daughter's dad looked like a friggin mack truck in a tux. The pictures are just horrid, HORRID!!!!! So embarresed by them...I told her..nothing goes on facebook, I don't want anyone seeing me looking like this... how horrible to say that to my daughter.

So the past 2 months I've been slowly getting into a mindset where I can be more physical, feel better, etc, etc. My blood pressure was very high, around 190/92 a few weeks back, but already through excersize I'm already getting it down to 150/85 which is fine for me...at this size. The worse thing I have done to myself the past 1.5 years is being stationary. I guarantee it almost killed me. Sleeping has been a pain, alot of snoring, apnea, etc, etc.

So what have I done the past 1.5 months? I've started moving again. I have a drumset and a treadmill in my office, yep...I didn't even touch those for over a year. At my age (47) it's amazing how fast you gain weight if you don't frickin move!!!! But now... I'm already doing 1 hour a day on the threadmill, this is currently one 60 minute session. I immediately wanted to get back to being able to walk around with the wife at the mall, so my first goal was to get my legs/back strong enough to be able to walk around for a while without having to stop and catch my breath, or be in severe back pain. And I'm pretty much already there!!! We went out today and I was able to walk for a long time without having to stop, it was very nice.

I still don't know if it's better to walk one 60 minute session or break it up into 3 smaller sessions of 20 min each? Anyone know? I'm only walking at a speed of 1.5 miles an hour, but like I said, I had to be able to walk around at a store, so I figured that was typical walking around speed, etc.

I've also given up candy, I'm NOT giving up my favorite buffets just yet, my first goal the first few months is to get more physical, I'm also doing light weight lifting and stretching. I think I want to go up to 2 hours a day on the threadmill. Walking feels good right now and I want to continue with it. I'm having a hard time drinking alot of water, I know I need this, but it's so easy to forget to drink!!

I went out and purchased 200.00 worth of can foods like soup (low sodium), tuna, salmon , chicken, etc. I don't plan and never will follow someone's diet. I like to eat alot and I doubt that will change for quite some time, but the 2nd goal is to still eat alot, but eat alot of healthy food. Eventually..I'm going to start some kind of stable calorie counting thing, but..before that happens, I need to make sure I've kicked the candy habit, eating alot of good food and have a decent energy level that's stable.

I know I'm close to 400lbs, I'm afraid to weight myself, I'm up to size 5xl shirts. I've gained all of my weight in my mid section so I look like a frickin bowling pin. I didn't gain a pound in my face!!! Which is strange I think?

Being able to walk again is fantastic... I'm glad I like fish, because I have a ton of it in the cabnets. I also bought alot of canned pears, oranges, etc, I NEED the sweet stuff once in a while, this will have to do, I know the syrup is this stuff is probably bad, but hopefully it's better to down a can of barltett pears compared to a few candy bars.

I've had friends suggest surgery, there is simply no way I'm doing that. I had a freind who did the partial adjustable band, she's gained every pound back. My brother did the stomach thing where it becomes the size of a golfball or something years ago, he went through #%@&! and almost died, he's gained most of his weight back...but he's doing fine. I think he's around 260, but he looks good and feels good. Man..he looked OLD when he lost that weight at first...ever notice how people in their 40-50's lost alot of weight and look ALOT older!?!? The fat peeps look younger!!! I guess the fat fills in the wrinkles?

Anyway..I've got around 150lbs to lose, I'll start weighing myself when I can fit into a size 3xl shirt, at that point I think I'll weigh around 330-350. The long term goal is to have all this weight off me before 2011 is up. I'm hoping to lose around 10lbs a month.

My ultimate goal...which I will reach or die trying...(I'm just so done being fat) is 250lbs and I have not been 250 since I was in my late 20's. When I was playing football and running track in highschool, I weighed 205. Like I said..I've always been big.

jeeshed I typed alot..but it's good to vent. ;) Back to work...

BostonBlazer
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Joined:	7 November 2010
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Posts:	104

Posted: 2 December 2010 10:33 pm

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Welcome to the forums!

It looks like you're off to a good start in getting more physically healthy. I've started losing weight since last month with mostly walking and cutting down on junk like sodas and McDonald's foods. I was also scared of my weight when I learned my BMI. Hopefully, you can reach your goal. Good luck.

BTW, You're a game designer? That's cool. I actually took a game design course in college recently. We worked mainly with 3D Studio Max.

fatbegone
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Joined:	2 December 2010
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Posted: 3 December 2010 01:18 am

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Thanks for the welcome and the comments BB. ;) Yep.. I code games. That's the problem, it can be so mentally stimulating, I get "hyper focused" and forget that 12-15 hours have passed. jeesh.... when I was younger I could handle it, but not anymore..my body has taken a beating. Sounds like we're currently doing something similar, more physical activity and trying to cut down on the bs foods. But....man is it hard!! Congrats on getting some results. I don't think I'm losing any weight yet, but I can feel myself getting a bit of energy back and that's really my main goal for now.

I'm typing this now getting a major craving for some food. So far today I've eaten a foot long subway, 1 can of soup, 1 can of mixed vegs, 1 can of pears. yah...the syrup was yummy. Going to have to start draining the juice out, that stuff is like sugar crack! :) lol..

Think I'll go walk on the treadmill for a few minutes, get my mind off the food. After I'm done I'm sure I'm going to be hungry, perhaps I saute some mushrooms, I love me some mushrooms. :)

fatbegone
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Joined:	2 December 2010
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Posted: 4 December 2010 01:23 pm

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Yesterday went to a fast food place and ordered soup and salad. Havn't done that in years. That felt weird, I intended to order a burger and fries, but at the last second changed my mind. I guess that's a good thing. I'm finding a little excersize gets my mind off food. Clothes are already fitting loser. I think I'm losing alot of water weight. I'm sweating alot when I excersize and man..oh..man...I am pee'ing all day long. I was surprised to learn once you start drinking plenty of water again, this alone can cause alot of water retention to go away because your body no longer needs to store the water. hmm...

I need to order a weight scale that can handle my weight. I know starting in January I'll want to know exactly where I stand. My goal is to be back in shape within 1 year. I know I need to lose around 150lbs or more. 150/12 = 12.5 lbs a month. I know the first few months this will not be a problem due to water weight loss, I'll have to kick up the work outs big time to make this happen.

Knowing and doing...are 2 different things... :(

fatbegone
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Posted: 5 December 2010 03:00 am

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Did an hour on the tread mill, about 20 min playing drums, so in all about 1:20 of excersize today. But...I'm also dealing with huge cravings, going to have to do some research on suppressing my hunger. I havn't touched a candy bar in about 2 weeks now which surprisingly hasn't bothered me at all...yet. I'm guessing the fruit is giving me the sugar I need (crave) for now. Still need to drink more water...why is that so hard to keep doing? I keep forgetting to drink...for hours on end.. not good! I hope I lose my moobs, but those are going to pain to lose. I made a huge mistake about 6 years ago, I started working out with weights, big weights, was benching close to 300lbs, yada, yada, yada, now my arms have all this skin hanging where the muscle used to be, my skin didn't tighten back up because I did no excersizing. Just looks horrid.. I had my gallbladder out about 6-7 years ago and I swear it did something to my digestive system, I think it caused some weight gain as well as causing major problems with going #2 once in a while. It's like some of the food turns into sharp objects..yes...very ouchy.

zas
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Joined:	19 April 2010
Location:	Doha, Qatar
Posts:	1064

Posted: 5 December 2010 04:09 am

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hi,
game designer !!! my son would love this !! he too is doing his engineering in computers.

its good to know you have started walking again with your wife.....yes take it easy on the treadmill...if you are comfortable with 1 hour then its ok... but if pain in knees...then slow down.....also don't speed up too quickly...heard from a physiotherapist that excessive weight can cause knees to deteriorate further, if we climb stairs do jogging ....etc

i too would drink less :bottle_water:

...but then i joined a water challenge....and have started keeping a log ....whenever i drink a glass i tick the box....this way my intake has increased to 8 - 10 glasses....try doing this and also report it here...you tend to be punctual when you know you have to report it somewhere... :wink:

its good you are starting to learn to eat right your own way....cut down on carbs and sugar....and you will reach your goal....also be patient....weight flutuates and it may take time...but eventually we will reach it. :grin:

.......we have to change our complete lifestyle and not just for a few days.

i would not suggest surgery...first try it the healthy way and see how it works!!!

:thumbsup:

on ordering soup and salad...and for not eating candy bars...

good luck...you are doing great.

fatbegone
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Joined:	2 December 2010
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Posted: 11 December 2010 10:40 pm

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Thanks for the comments Zas, much appreciated. ;)

Seriously...has a frickin week passed since I last posted? wow, amazing how time flies by. I'm losing alot of water weight, I'm actually a bit nervous by how much weight I'm losing. But...I feel....amazing. My blood pressure is holding steady around 150/80. :)

The only thing that concerns me is, I have ZERO cravings between meals now. And this is a first for me. In the past when I had stopped over eating, I had massive food cravings. I'm going to go to the doctor for a check up when I get enough courage because even though I feel great, I'm not sure it's normal to not have cravings.

Here's my food intake on typical days now:

Breakfest: 2 eggs, 2 thin slices of ham lunch meat fried, 2 pieces of toast. (I do skip breakfest alot though. Which I know is not good.)

Lunch: Soup of my choice + 1 can of mixed veggies, 1 can of fruit, sometimes I'll also eat 1 sandwich as well. Sometimes replacing soup with sauteed mushrooms.

Snack: 1 can of tuna or salmon (in water).

Dinner: Variety depending on mood, chicken, shrimp, veggies, rice, fruit. Nothing deep fried, all baked, occasionally a salad as well. But overall lots of green veggies & chicken, occasionally adding shrimp and once every week or so I'll have a steak instead of chicken. I also have a can of fruit with dinner.

Snack: A few cheese cubes, nuts, sun flower seeds, etc.

Trying to drink plenty of water in between meals, but it's just hard to remember to. I've also started drinking pure grape juice, pomegranate juice (pom). I also want to start drinking a small glass of red wine once in a while.

I havn't started counting calories yet, but I'm guessing I'm probably over what I should be eating, but still..I'm sure I'm consuming at least 50% less food that I was 2 months ago. ZERO fast food, ZERO soda drinks, ZERO candy bars. This is why I'm concerned I'm not getting cravings anymore. I stopped these things COLD TURKEY.

I'm hoping alot of the water weight is coming out from going to the bathroom, because wow.. I am pee'ing a TON. At night I'm making around 6 trips to the bathroom and each time alot of fluid is coming out. I'm at the age for prostate problems, but from what I've researched if you are peeing "small" amounts frequently, that's one of the warning signs.

During the day I'm going to the bathroom alot as well, plus during the hour on the tread mill, it's like I'm taking a shower from all the sweat.

Realistically thinking, it's obvious that the past year that I have been sitting idle programming, this has caused my system to retain water. My legs and ankles were swelling up...alot. My wife noticed how small my ankles looked today and I noticed it appears I don't have any water retention in my lower legs anymore. frickin amazing. :) :) :)

Even my moobs have gone down a bit! woo hoo!!! They feel like nothing is in them now. man.. I must have been like a puffer fish full of water retention. From what I've read, this is actually possible and dangerous. I'm SURE I had (still maybe) fluid around the heart and lungs.

This is just guessing from looking at myself in the mirror and in past weights, but I'm guessing about 2 months ago I might have weighed around 395, and today if I had to guess I'd say I weigh around 360, maybe less. So that would come out to over 30lbs in water weight gone. All of my children who I see once a week, sometimes once every 2 weeks have said "Dad! you're losing weight!" so that's a good thing.

I KNOW I can't celebrate too much because the hard part is coming up, this is the next phase where I've lost as much water weight as I'm going to and I need to start counting calories and working out much harder. That's all going to start Jan 1st, 2011. I'm preparing for this by doing slightly more weight lifting every week and occasionally looking at calories on the back of everything I eat. Starting in Jan, my goal is 8lbs lost every month.

I need to purchase a scale before Jan 1st, but man..it's going to be a bit nerve wracking knowing how much I weigh now. It could be alot more than I realize. yikes...

fatbegone
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Joined:	2 December 2010
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Posted: 24 December 2010 08:03 am

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wow.. I thought I would post more than this. Oh well. Things are going well, had a few border line "over eating" moments, but it's more like I've been eating so healthy, I feel bad if I eat too much of anything, including veggies, fruit, etc. It's been a very busy month, even though I'm eating ok, I'm not working out as often as I need to be. I've noticed my sweat pants need to be tightened now, because my side love handles have gone down alot. Nice! I still never have any hunger pains, I think it's due to the fact that I'm eating several times a day and drinking alot of water. My skin is obviously getting saggy in places already, I think my skin was pretty stretched from all the water retension. Overall I'm very happy where I'm at right now, I just want to get through the holidays and start weighing myself in January and start counting calories. I'm already mentally strong enough to handle it. The slow hard part is coming... I know this. My goal is to be half way to my goal on my birthday in March. I'm hoping it's not going to take longer than a year to get where I want to be.

It feels odd to read some other logs here where people are dealing with having to lose only 5-20 lbs. Sometimes I want to comment, but I guess we all have our own demons to deal with.

I wish I never gained this weight and I wish was never fat.

zas
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Joined:	19 April 2010
Location:	Doha, Qatar
Posts:	1064

Posted: 26 December 2010 12:25 pm

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you are doing extremely well and your clothes and skin are showing that !!!

not heard from you since a long time...so thought maybe you called it quits.... :tongue:

keep it up this is the way to a good healthy life...

i understand when you say 5- 10 lbs...lol......i too need to reduce almost 100 lbs....and its not easy ...though i have already come halfway through.. :grin:

..
its become more difficult now....but will not quit.....we can do this.

fatbegone
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Posted: 27 December 2010 09:39 am

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Awesome Zas, I also appreciate the comments very much. :)

Had a very bad last 48 hours, thought I was having a gallbladder attack until I remembered I already had that taken out a few years ago...which btw..seemed to trigger alot of weight gain which I have never been able to verify...hmm..

In any event, on Christmas day I ate a meal, nothing big, I really can't eat big meals anymore, I think my stomach has shrunk, but in the past I've been able to eat large meals even when I was dieting, at 47 years old, I'm finding my body is acting strange this time around, likes it's saying... "yes, lose this fking weight or we're going to die".

My Christmas meal was ham, green beans, potatoes, stuffing. And it was delicious. I also had a small serving of cranberry sauce and for desert I had a small slice of turtle pie. What the #%@&!..reward myself for doing so well the past few months, keep in mind, I've had ZERO candy, icecream, etc, etc. So it was nice to eat the cranberry sause and the turtle pie...so I thought.

WARNING - GROSS SUBJECT MATTER FOLLOWS!!!!

A few hours later...some really bad gas. Again...it reminded my of my last gall bladder attack, then I had some stomach pains, and I knew it was time to get home. During the drive home things started getting worse. I started to feel horrible. When we got home, I just knew I was going to throw up. So after about an hour of trying to hold it down, I went to the bathroom and just said..."lets do this" and sure enough...I threw up...and again, again, again and again and again. It was really scary how much I was throwing up! I was like...where the #%@&! was all this content coming from? I felt better ofcourse after hurling, but then I started having liquid diarrhea. This went on for about 18 hours, I was very weak, just wanted to sleep. My wife was very scared because she said I was very pale. Obviously I had started to get very dehydrated. Again...I was so amazed how much liquid was coming out of me...jeesh...it was kind of scary to be honest!!! It's like I was melting away from the inside!! I'm too stubborn to go see a doctor, so I started researching on thre internet and sure enough I realized I was very dehydrated and not getting any fluids in me was causing things to get worse. Weird how when you're dehydrated....for a while you will actually lose more fluids! So I started sipping some water, had a can of soup, and I noticed the liquid diarrhea wasn't as foul as before, it started to be clearer, I started urinating instead of the liquid coming out the other end. The wife brought home gatorade, I had some more soup and I havn't had the liquid diarrhea for about 7 hours now and I feel alot better!

So...what the #%@&! happened??!!?!?!

No one else got sick, so it wasn't food poisoning. After alot of research it appears since I havn't eaten sweets, candy, ice cream, etc, for several months I pretty much shocked my digestive system by eating the cranberry sauce and the turtle pie. My system just couldn't handle it. I know back when I had gallbladder attacks, anytime I mixed chineese food and dairy products, I was asking for a horrible night. ;)

END GROSS SUBJECT MATTER ;)

It looks like I weight around 380 or so. I weighed myself on my Dad's scale, but it wasn't very accurate since it only goes to 300 and then wrapped past zero. I might be much larger, I don't know... I ordered my new scale today from amazon that can handle up to 440lbs. My energy (except for the past couple of days) has been fine, I feel good so it's really going to be sad and a let down to see my official weight, especially if I'm pushing 400lbs still. Hard to be believe I can feel so much better and still weigh so much. But...it will be a harsh reality and more motivation to know my accurate weight.

After I know how much I really weight it's time to start counting calories so I can better manage my weight loss. I've already accomplished getting psyched up to do this, I've already started working out again, eating better, etc. It's time to do this and I am mentally ready. man...is my belly skin going to hang down. It's already fairly low. :) lol.. #%@&!... I'll just tuck it in. ;)

Bishop
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Joined:	26 December 2010
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Posted: 27 December 2010 07:46 pm

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Hello! It's motivating to read of your successes already, making a few "simple" changes.. and your clothes are fitting more loosely and stuff, able to walk around more with your wife again...

I like reading about your better choices, eating the canned fruit instead of candy bars.. or still eating a larger amount but doing it with healthier foods..
Keep it up, it's exciting!

zas
Distinguished Member

Joined:	19 April 2010
Location:	Doha, Qatar
Posts:	1064

Posted: 28 December 2010 03:43 am

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oh my !!! i too would say food poisoning.......some foods tend to trigger some people and not others!!! good you managed it well with liquids....get well soon.

good luck with the scale too ....don't let the weigh in discourage you, at least you have some good changes and are on the right path eventually the results will show.

also thanks for the supporting words you left in my diary.... :grin:

From Spain
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Posted: 29 December 2010 06:12 pm

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fatbegone wrote:
In any event, on Christmas day I ate a meal, nothing big, I really can't eat big meals anymore, I think my stomach has shrunk, but in the past I've been able to eat large meals even when I was dieting, at 47 years old, I'm finding my body is acting strange this time around, likes it's saying... "yes, lose this fking weight or we're going to die".

I think it's fine that your body "doesn't accept" more food. I can eat a lot without being hungry (compulsively) and after it (as everybody can guess) I feel guilty, fat and discouraged. So, take advantage of it! :wink:

By the way, I like to see how you've changed your eating habits. It's curious to see how the body reacts when you stop eating sweets!

cportwine
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Joined:	24 March 2008
Location:	Muscoda, Wisconsin USA
Posts:	5196

Posted: 29 December 2010 07:06 pm

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Hi, I wanted to welcome you to the forum. Yep, I am one of those annoying people that only need to lose 20lbs, lol. But, I struggled in the beginning when I lost 50lbs and struggling again after gaining 20lbs back. Like you, I find it annoying that I let myself do this.

Anyway, I think what your doing all looks good and your right. At some point you will have to keep better track of your calories. That's never been one of my strong points. Probably why I gained back the weight, lol. Also, walking is so good for you and you will be able to do more as you go. I didn't even start exercising until I started to gain weight back. So, try to focus more on your diet. Not that exercise won't help, it's just not going to do it all by itself.

Well, I hope to see you around the forum and thanks for the good read. It got me through an hour on my exercise bike... :smile:

fatbegone
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Posted: 30 December 2010 03:04 pm

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@Bishop - Hi! Thanks for the kind words and the motivation, very much appreciated!

@Zas - Howdy! Yep...I'm pretty sure it was indeed food poisoning. My daughter and my wife got it as well. It's been a very rough few days around the house. We figured we got it from going to a buffet the day before. (I had steak and a huge salad!) Actually, I made the salads for all of us and for the first time I also put "shrimp" that was in the buffett area, on the salads. I'm pretty sure that's how we got it. man...we all lost so much fluids, but with every case we learned a little more, when those initial signs hit, I said "start consuming fluids now!!" and it indeed helped everything move through my wife and daughter much quicker. My wife is still recovering, the daughter is good, and I'm pretty much up to speed again. :) phew...

@FromSpain - Hi, I hope all is well. :) It still is strange that I can't eat big meals anymore, if you saw me you would know why. :) lol.. But like you said, I am taking advantage of it. As far as not eating sweets, except for that 1 slice of turtle pie, I've been candy free for a quite a while now. The canned fruits is doing the trick nicely. One thing I've always been big on is believing in "mental hyperfocusing". I do this in my job as a programmer but I've never tried to apply it to my weight before and I think this is what I'm doing now. I know this is going to sound nuts... but I think I've somehow "convinced" myself that it's time to get the weight off forever. I don't have to battle any urges or get #%@&! off because I can't have something, because there just isn't any internal struggles going on. I went to walmart last night to shop for food and I purchased a bunch of cans of soup, canned fruit, some skinless chicken breasts and a package of tilapia fillets. I didn't even look at the bs food. So it doesn't matter what got me in this "hypnotized state of hyperfocus", perhaps I scared myself looking in the mirror, perhaps it was how big I looked at my daughter's wedding, I was afraid of dying, etc, etc, #%@&!...I know I could still die at anytime, but I know that everyday from this point on...until I reach my goal...no matter how small an amount...I will do my best to weigh less tomorrow than I do today. I have to. ;)

@cportwine - Thanks for the welcome! And you're ofcourse right, excersize will do alot...but if I don't make the life style changes of my eating habits and what I eat, the weight will indeed come back. But I'm ready for the challenge, it will be interesting to see how it all unfolds with the calorie counting. I'm going to start that Jan 1st!!

btw...I made a milestone for me on a personal level. When I went to wally world to buy some food, I also walked around the entire store to browse and not once...not fking once!!! did my back hurt! I actually felt light on my feet and it felt like I could walk around for hours!! That was simply amazing...I came home and woke my wife up. :) lol..

The Scale - like a horror movie title..."The Scale" will be here today or tomorrow. man...now I'm nervous how much I weigh. man oh man....

BostonBlazer
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Posted: 30 December 2010 10:43 pm

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That's a good sign, having the feeling to be able to walk around for that long! You're making good progress in becoming healthier. Keep it up! You should feel totally different after a few months. :)

fatbegone
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Posted: 3 January 2011 11:05 am

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BostonBlazer wrote: That's a good sign, having the feeling to be able to walk around for that long! You're making good progress in becoming healthier. Keep it up! You should feel totally different after a few months. :)

Thanks BB. :)

Well...I went stupid. Yesterday I did something stupid and walked on the tread mill for 1:30 straight. Then I went fishing and walked the bank for about 2 hours, then later that day I played the drums for 30 min. I felt fine...until I stopped moving. My body hurt for hours, I was very stiff and sore for a long time. I did too much, my brain wants to do more than my body can handle at this time. I'm sad because reality is, I'm a fat man. I hate being fat more than ever. Scale should arrive today so I can finally get better focused on my calorie plan.

Last edited on 3 January 2011 11:06 am by fatbegone

zas
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Posted: 3 January 2011 03:50 pm

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congrats on your walk around the store ,doesn't it feel goooood to be light !!!! you deserve a medal :ribbon:

but today you overdid it :shock:

you will definitely feel sore for a couple of days :tongue:

......take it easy choose a workout which will be good for your body and at a steady pace, some times by overdoing we can injure ourselves especially if we are heavy.

missfit
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Joined:	23 October 2007
Location:	Bethlehem, Pennsylvania USA
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Posted: 3 January 2011 05:33 pm

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Hello and welcome to :cph:

This is a great place to find motivation and others who also want to get healthier.

I am a 38 year old female who has about 50 lbs. to lose. I wish you best in your goals and remember, set small reachable goals along with the ultmate goal. Some days are easier than others, Just don't give up. Every little good decision is worthwhile. Whether it be, choosing a carrot over candy or parking farther in shopping lot, every little bit counts. It feels so good not to be so out of breath going upstairs or the best thing for me is Seeing that scale go down. :smile:

Good luck and use this site. There's alot of support here and it's FREE.

fatbegone
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Joined:	2 December 2010
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Posted: 4 January 2011 11:14 am

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Thank you on the recent comments, but I'm afraid I've had a setback. All I could do is cry and get angry and very depressed. Luckily my wife stayed up with me until I could compose myself.

The scale doesn't lie, I am currently 400lbs. I can't believe I am this fkin heavy. I feel good, my blood pressure if fine, my energy level is good, etc, etc. But at the end of the day I am a 400 pound man. The crazy thing is, I was probably 420-450 a couple of months ago, maybe more! I realize I needed this reality check, the funny thing is I would have been ok if the scale said 350..but 400 just scares the #%@&! out of me.

Every weigh in from now I'll update this journal, I'm going to weigh in once a week for a while.

400lbs... what have I done to myself....

Lami
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Joined:	14 January 2009
Location:	Edinburgh, United Kingdom
Posts:	900

Posted: 4 January 2011 05:27 pm

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aw that is such a pity, keep going you were so positive prior to stepping on those scales. I know how you're feeling about the scales, I hate that needle and if it's up I"m instantly depressed and if it's down I'm on a high. I suppose the thing is to not let it stop you achieving your goals.

You've done the hardest part and that is starting and stepping on those dreaded scales. Keep focussed and the weight will drop off.

Last edited on 4 January 2011 05:28 pm by Lami

fatbegone
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Posted: 20 January 2011 09:45 am

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Thanks Lami, I appreciate the comments. ;)

Well...after seeing the dreaded 400lbs on the scale it was a mental setback but not a physical one. I'm still working out, eating right, etc, etc. My weight is now 386 which means I'm losing around 3-4lbs a week. I'm ok with that, but I still think I should be losing more, at least this early on I should be. I know eventually 2-3 lbs a week will be very hard to lose.

I'm finding the weight loss battle is really a mind challenge. When the body gets hungry, the brain will instantly show you visions of colorful tasty foods, etc, etc, just to basically mess with you. I've been having a few cravings for sugar lately. My brain instantly thinks of candy, etc, but all I really need is an apple or a banana and the craving (and images) goes away instantly.

I think almost all of my excessive weight is right in the middle of my body. I didn't gain any weight in the face which I think is one of the reasons how this kind of crept up on me. If the face looks the same every morning in the mirror, things can't be that bad. ;) My wife commented how small my legs look now. I'm sure I was retaining alot of fluid before. She thinks, and I tend to agree with her, I might have over 100lbs of belly fat to get rid of. I wish I gained weight all over my body more, because all this belly fat is going to be very hard to lose.

I know for a fact, I'll weigh less today than I did yesterday. ;)

zas
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Joined:	19 April 2010
Location:	Doha, Qatar
Posts:	1064

Posted: 22 January 2011 02:52 am

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hi, long time ???? :wink:

3-4 lbs is amazing ......you are on the right track do not be depressed and enjoy the weight loss.........for me even a 1lb loss will do !!!

eventually as your weight loss will progress your belly fat will go to !!!

good luck :grin:

fatbegone
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Joined:	2 December 2010
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Posted: 28 January 2011 04:26 pm

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I just clicked on "b" to bold a line and I lost my entire entry that I spend 20 min typing in. jeesh... I'll visit this later... what a bummer...

Hisgal
Distinguished Member

Joined:	27 March 2006
Location:	Smalltown, Minnesota USA
Posts:	3892

Posted: 28 January 2011 08:30 pm

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I had that happen to me a few times, and checked with Nir about it. He said it was the new version of Internet Explorer that was the cause.

I have it happen at work, on my new computer, and with my new laptop at home. The old desktop, with the older version of IE works fine the toolbar above. But on the new version, I can only use the emoticons, and then have to insert them after I'm done typing, otherwise the cursor won't advance.

Did you get a new computer or upload a new version of Internet Explorer?

Hisgal
Distinguished Member

Joined:	27 March 2006
Location:	Smalltown, Minnesota USA
Posts:	3892

Posted: 28 January 2011 08:40 pm

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BTW............I'm doing the "Belly Fat Cure", which is suppose to burn belly fat.    I saw a big change in my stomach fat and in my thighs!

Basically, you keep your sugar grams to under 15 gr. a day.........yes, that's low.   You also are to eat 6 servings of whole grain a day, and the book lays out how many grams of carbs a serving is, and when it's really low, you don't even count it (about 22 gr. of carbs is a serving).   The other "rule" is no artificial sweeteners (aspartame, sucralose, etc.).......only stevia is allowed.

If you are interested, you can google it.........."Belly Fat Cure" by Jorge Cruise.   It's easy once you get into it, because you aren't bouncing your blood sugar around, so no cravings!   I love that part.    I got through the holiday's with only eating 4 cookies, and they were some that I baked for my diabetic brother, from the ADA website......didn't know the sugar content, but the total carbs per cookie were only 10 gr.   When I really need a "sweet" I have 1/2 a serving of a 85% cocoa dark chocolate candy bar.......Green & Black is the brand name, and they carry it at Wal-Mart and Target. Very smooth, and not as bitter as most 85% dark chocolates.

I even lost a bit over the holidays..........that's never happened in my life.   I'm not counting the sugars right now, so am probably going over the 15 gr. but not by much.   I still eat the same foods I did early on in the diet.    I think I've stopped losing the last few weeks, but I don't think I've gained any.   I put on jeans this morning that were freshly washed and dried, and they are loose.   Before I started, I could barely move in them, they were so tight!

Hisgal
Distinguished Member

Joined:	27 March 2006
Location:	Smalltown, Minnesota USA
Posts:	3892

Posted: 28 January 2011 08:43 pm

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Oh yeah...........BTW, I'm Pat. I started this journey at 247 lbs.........got down to 152, then my hormones got me and I had lots of trouble. I went back up to 203, and last check I was down at 193 lbs. I'm 55, and soon to have my 4th grandchild, which I am very excited about. 3 kids, all married.........and my laid off hubs just got called back to work! The name "Hisgal" refers to my faith! My world in a nutshell!

fatbegone
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Posted: 21 February 2011 01:49 am

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Hi Pat, thanks for the comments, much appreciated. ;)

Not much to report, will probably not post much anymore unless something dramatic happens. Things are going well. I've lost close to 30lbs so far this year. My energy is off the charts. The only problem I'm having is, my brain thinks I'm in shape now but when I look at the mirror I see a very big man still. Now that I realize my body better, I'm sure I was close to 450 when I first started. (which means I'm pushing close to 100lbs lost) man..that is sad..

It's obvious I'm going to have some saggy skin when all is said and done. Oh well, not much I can do about that. I'm increasing my weight training, doing crunches, walking more with a peak speed of 3.5-3.8, etc. Seems like the weight is melting off of me much quicker lately. Still can't beleive I havn't eaten a candy bar for almost 5 months.

My scheduled goal is December of this year and I should be around 250 or less. But based on my recent calculations I might hit that weight sooner, around August. I'm very proud that I'm doing this without surgery. Yah...it's tough..it's a mental fight...it's like there's this fat guy on your back that you're trying to get off.

man... I hate myself sometimes. I also hate that I let myself get like this. I'm out everyday doing something physical now. I've told my wife, my health is more important than my money, I'm not going to work that much this year. My work is losing this weight. She is very supportive and I could not do this with out her.

Tip for anyone that's FAT and is just starting out. Don't worry about what you "can't do" , worry about what you can do, at least for the first few weeks or so. Sure you "can't" stop eating your favorite foods overnight, but you "can" walk to get the mail, drink water instead of soda, the next time you're at wal-mart, don't ride that frickin go cart, walk around a bit! Even if it's just 1-5 minutes a day, at first, do something!! You want to program your brain to get used to doing something everyday, in time (days or weeks) you will start increasing the time spent excersizing, your brain will tell you..."hey..it's time to do something!!!"

Seriously... weight loss is a mental bitch...but I am enjoying the fight and the challenge. :)

Hisgal
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Joined:	27 March 2006
Location:	Smalltown, Minnesota USA
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Posted: 21 February 2011 07:30 pm

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YAY FBG! You are doing amazing! :grin:

And your last paragraph there is so very true! You have to start somewhere, and many times it's just "baby steps" at first, 'cause sometimes that's all we can do.......whether we have to lose 20 lbs or 200 lbs. And I've found much of it IS a mental battle.........it's a state of mind. You are so lucky to have figured that out already! Also, remember that weight loss slows down as you get closer to your goal..........so don't get bummed if you don't keep going this fast, and have it off by August. The main thing is to get healthy, so you will be there for your wife and family. :thumbsup:

And another thing.............sometimes, some of us "old timers" around here talk about NSV's (Non-scale victories). They are the little things we do, that don't necessarily show up on the scale.........like walking to get the mail, drinking water :glass_water:

instead of :bottle_water:

soda, or not eating those candy bars! You've already had lots of NSV's to celebrate! :shooting_star:

fatbegone
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Posted: 7 March 2011 01:55 am

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@Pat - Good stuff, thank you so much for the post. I may not reply alot to everyone, but I read everything replied in my thread and I take it all very seriously. Thanks again. :)

Things are going good. Today I organized all of my clothes, got rid of things that don't fit (too big!) and made a pile of pants from the smallest size (on bottom) to the largest size on top. Each time I can fit into a pair of pants, I'll remove them the top and throw them away. :)

I am oh so happy to report that it looks like I will be very close to my "half way point" of 350 by my birthday this month. It's hard to believe I have a realistic chance of being around 280 or less around 7 months from now. After I enter this, I'm going to re-calculate my calorie intake and deficit so I only lose around 10-15 lbs a month from here on out. I think I've been pushing closer to 20lbs a month which I don't think I can maintain and stay healthy. Speaking of which...

My blood pressure has been holding steady at around 135/76 which is fantastic! My pulse is around 70 when relaxing which is also great. Energy, stamina, sex drive is all through the roof. I'm getting my old self back!!

Transformations: My body is changing, my stomach is getting rounder, firmer, it is sticking out more compared to hanging/drooping like it was before. It actually looks more like a beer belly now, even though I don't drink. lol.. The under arm flap is slowly tightning, etc. Yah...I'm going to have some saggy skin around the belly, arms, but I don't think it's going to be as bad as I originally thought. Granted, I still have close to another 100lbs to lose, so it will probably get worse. My hair is falling out. Not as bad as some other people that lose alot of weight, but it is falling out. This is due to protein loss from what I read, even though I'm trying to keep the protein in my diet. I'll have to research this more. You DO lose weight in your feet too! My socks and shoes are loose! lol..

Power to peppers and jalapeños! After having lunch with another person who lost over 200lbs, he opened my eyes to eating alot more peppers and jalapeños in my diet. First off, they're almost "free" as far as calories go, and they add a great flavor to almost anything, but also they cause your metabolism to speed up as well which is very cool. If you haven't read up on these, you owe it to yourself to do so. For breakfast I'll eat 2 eggs, and a heaping amount of onions, peppers, jalapeños, etc. So much food and so little calories! :) : ):)

I've been getting episodes of frantic cravings. Luckily I can combat this with eating some fruit still. Bananas work the best and from what I've read. It's still hard to "remember" to drink alot of water. jeesh!!

I will post before and after pictures eventually, already there is some amazing differences. wow.... Hard to imagine how I'll look after another 70-100lbs off. Which in closing makes me think of that person I had lunch with who has lost over 200lbs.

He actually scared me. Because he's my age and is down to 215 lbs. Great...you would think....but...he looks very old compared to me. His face is very wrinkled and saggy, his neck is the same, etc, he looks very "gaunt" and weak. He still says he wants to get down to under 200 lbs. I didn't know him well enough to speak the truth, but the truth is, he's obsessed and went over board with his weight loss in my opinion. He made me realize there has to be a compromise somewhere with your goals and reality. Reality is, he would probably look alot better if he stopped at around 230 or so. I'd rather have a little bit of cushin compared to looking too gaunt, frail, etc. That's why I'm constantly trying to adjust my "end goal" based on weight AND more importantly how I feel. If at 260 or so, if I look good and feel great, then that's it....no need to get too skinny just because you've conquered your mental blocks and understand the secret to weight loss is just in your head. Granted..it CAN be addicting to lose weight, and I'm hoping I have this same outlook 6-8 months from now. Perhaps being able to read this journal over and over will help..if needed. But man...this guy scared me and I felt sorry for him because he kept saying he hasn't looked this good in years, and when he showed me his "before" picture, I was stunned to see how much younger he looked..only 2 years earlier. Food for thought?

Nir
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Location:	Milton Keynes, Buckinghamshire, United Kingdom
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Posted: 7 March 2011 06:18 am

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Thinking about both your friend and you, there are different ways of looking at slimness. One measure is Body cMass Index; another is Body Fat Percentage ( good visual resource here: http://www.leighpeele.com/bodyfatpercent.pdf )

Whilst you have still got the momentum to go, I don't see the need to focus on these.

However, as for your friend, or for you when you are tempted to stop for fear of looking older, it will be helpful to learn more about the subject. Looks are not all that matters and as long as one stays in the normal weight range and does not become underweight, the thinner you are the healthier you will be (I have para-phrased Dr Joel Fuhrman from his book Eat To Live here)

Can this be taken too far? Yes of course everything can be taken too far. We have a new forum member at the moment who has gone down from 400lb to 142lb (at 6'2") and although I have not seen a picture I do believe that this (BMI 18.2) is a step too far.

suenos
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Location:	A Good Sized City, Tennessee USA
Posts:	1280

Posted: 7 March 2011 07:38 pm

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wow, I just read your whole diary and I hope you're really proud of yourself! A lot of people reach a weight far less than your highest and just don't even try to lose t because they convince themselves it's hopeless before they even start.

I totally get the fear of not wanting to look a lot older along with the weigh loss - I see it more with women than men - after a certain age (late 40ish maybe?) some women actually do look younger and more attractive with just a couple of extra pounds instead of being ultra thin. With your friend though, I wonder if it's not so much the amount of weight he lost but a possble lack of paying attention to the nutients in his diet along the way. A couple years back I had a boss who'd lost a couple hundred pounds (before I even knew him) via gastric bypass and he had that seriously gaunt, hollow eyed, pre-mature aged look about him. It kinda scared me because I was just at the end stage of my own weight loss - what I later learned though was that it's apparently pretty common for people who undergo gastic bypass to end up being chronically malnourished which takes a big toll on your skin.

fatbegone
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Posted: 14 May 2011 11:02 pm

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Things are going more slowly as expected. I'm at 340 as I type this. Still on schedule to be at my initial target goal of 280 by this November. Walking 1 hour sessions instead of 2, 30 min sessions per day. It gets the ol ticker moving faster which is better than 2 sessions at a lower level, etc.

Face is looking a bit thin now days. My family comments on this everytime they havn't seen me for a few weeks.

Hair is indeed falling out like crazy now. I'm eating plenty of protein, but after doing alot of research it appears this can happen when the body loses alot of weight. I'm sure I've dropped close to 100 pounds already.

Nothing else to report, life style change is pretty much locked and loaded. I can't see myself ever going back to the garbage food.

My family will ask "are you really NEVER going to have candy, cookies, etc, again...?"

With out a doubt....yes. :)

BostonBlazer
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Posted: 15 May 2011 09:54 pm

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Sounds like things are going great on your weight-loss mission. Getting used to not having junk food is a difficult thing to do, and you've done it! I'm really impressed!

fatbegone
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Posted: 17 May 2011 01:39 pm

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Thanks BB! Much appreciated. I owe it all to just understanding my body in relation to my mind. The body just needs some energy, the mind (well...it used to) wanted cookies and candy bars. :)

So my cookies and candy bars is now apples, bananas, etc. lol...

fatbegone
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Posted: 11 October 2011 09:58 pm

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Update: :(

Well, the only reason I am making an entry is because I have failed and I wanted to make a public comment to myself to understand what has happened.

Well...I havn't failed...completely, but I certainly did not meet my goal of around 280 by this time. The biggest reason I have failed in my initial attempt is I went on a vacation in late May early June, and during that period I did not work out. I ate healthy...but I did not workout. When I came back from the vacation both the wife and I never did start working out again.

During the next 3-4 months I started working very hard again, long hours of sitting, programming, etc, and like before this is what is killing me. The long hours of programming without breaks, which leads me to not working out, etc, etc.

Combine that with some personal/health family related issues, I had to leave town for a couple of weeks and during that period I was a mental mess, etc, etc.

The good news is, I still havn't had any candy bars, cakes, etc, for over a year now. But I did have 5 cookies about 3 weeks ago when I went to visit family. Otherwise I've done good on keeping junk candy out of my system.

Even better news is, the wife and I started working out again last week and we are taking a new attitude on our long term goals. I've gained 10 pounds back (before we started working out again) so I'm at 350lbs right now. I have 70lbs to lose before I reach 280.

I've come to realize this might take me much longer than I originally planned. Granted I have lost at least 50lbs and maybe alot more because I didn't weight myself until I was 3 months into losing weight and I know I lost alot of water, weight, etc, during those first 3 months.

I'm still drinking primarily water but I do drink sodas with meals occasionally and I'm trying to get back to just water.

Our new attitude is, we're in no hurry. My eating habits have changed forever, I no longer eat candy, etc. I know I'll never ever eat another candy bar and that feels good. I realize at my age, it's tough to lose weight, eat right, AND deal with life's many challenges on a daily basis.

So all I can do is work out at least 5 times a week, try to eat healthy and see where this leads.

Yah....I'm a bit sad that I didn't stick with it fully, but I am glad I have made some major progress, and I'm also excited that the wife and I are both back at it and hopefully there will be no gaps this time. But the pressure's off....it might take a few years now....but I'll get there.

fatbegone
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Posted: 19 May 2012 08:23 pm

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Update: May 19th, 2012

Again, just posting updates for myself. Overall in almost 2 years, my accomplishments are:

1) Lost 50 lbs.
2) Gave up daily bad habits of cookies, candy bars, etc.
3) I drink 80% water for all of my liquid intake.

My setbacks are:

1) I gained back 30 lbs of the 80 I lost the first year. (Still lost 50lbs total.)
2) I didn't stick to working out as much as I should.

Things are looking up though. The past few months I've installed a basketball court and disc golf course on our property, installed a large air conditioned shed with a really nice ping pong table in it. Since I work out of the house, I don't get out much so I figured I would install some fun physical things to do so I can just get off my a$$ and walk out of the house and start doing it. I play basketball everyday and that has turned out to be really beneficial!

I have a ton of loose skin, so much I'm wondering how much of that is adding to my overall weight? #%@&!..it could be 10-50lbs (or more?) of flesh that will probably never go anywhere or shrink, etc, etc. My belly has a ton, my thighs, my under arms, etc, seems to be anyplace that once had alot of muscle is now very flabby. I used to work out with weights in my arms, legs, I had VERY big muscles, etc, etc, I guess when you're older and lose muscle, thee extra skin is very hard to shrink. If I can lost another 50lbs, I may look into surgery to cut it off.

I have a goal for 2012, to lose another 50-70lbs, not going to worry about it too much if I do or not, I'm just going to keep physically active, eat as good as I can, and continue to be happy and hope for the best. ;)

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