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serberus
Senior Member
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Posted: 10 November 2005 06:53 pm |
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| How do you guys keep from being so hard on yourself. I am my worse critic. I have gone from 210 to 144. In the beginning of the journey, I was so excited for every pound that came off. Everytime my clothes got looser It was a dance around the house party. Now, when I sit on the couch, the roll of fat really bothers me. When my clothes don't fit anymore because they are too loose, I complain about not having anything to wear. I'm beginning to see more and more of my own inperfections. I'm becoming my worst critic instead of my own little cheerleading squad. Not sure when this transformation happened. Has anyone else ever dealt with this? Help. Don't want to set myself up for failure when I've come so far.
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smallfry
New Member
| Joined: | 10 November 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 6 |
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Posted: 10 November 2005 08:14 pm |
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Your description sounds very familiar to me.........
My weight has fluctuated greatly over the last 15 years, and the last time i lost a lot of weight, the same thing happened... I was never satisfied. I never got the "Perfect" body. Now I look back at the pictures of me when i was fairly thin, and wonder why the heck i wasn't happy with myself, and the older i get, the more i am certain what the answer is....
Being thin is not the answer to ALL of our personal image problems. Somehow, we think, if only i looked like so-and-so, everything would be great! And then when we do look like so-and-so, we wonder why things aren't suddenly great... Mental image changes alot more slowly than physical image. Maybe the answer is to spend as much time dealing with the personal feelings associated with weight as we do with the weight itself...
sometimes we have gained weight in response to those personal issues, and even tho the weight is gone, the issues are still there... Maybe a group like overeaters anonymous would help both of us to deal with the self esteem issues?
I wish you luck....
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Peter
Founder, caloriesperhour.com
| Joined: | 24 May 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 4179 |
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Posted: 10 November 2005 08:26 pm |
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What I always like about group support meetings is that somebody always has something to say that helps you make it through the day. Maybe it is uplifting and inspiring, or maybe it just tells you that you are not the only one having a tough time and that somehow helps. My message would be the latter.
I am my worst critic, and when I look at myself in the mirror I always spot everything that's wrong. But I do the same with everything.
Every spring I plant dozens of flowers in a flower bed and watch as they grow. At the beginning, the bed it mostly dirt and I have to weed it weekly. I watch as the plants spread because as soon as they cover all the dirt and block out the sunlight the weeds stop growing. That's when I stop fussing and enjoy the flowers.
One year I was standing over them looking at the small flowers and the weeds I had to tend when I neighbor called me over. On the way back, I saw the flower bed from a different perspective. It was full of beautiful flowers... no wonder my neighbor had just said how pretty they were.
All I had been watching was the dirt and weeds... waiting for the whole flower bed to be perfect!
Sounds like I learned my lesson, and I guess I did. But it hasn't changed my daily practice much. I still have to remind myself of that story all the time.
Just as I saw the flower bed from a different view walking back from my neighbor's, I sometimes see myself that way. Instead of looking closely in the mirror and picking out all the wrinkled, sagging skin and other imperfections, I'll catch myself in a mirror across the room at the gym or in a store and say... hey, that's a pretty good looking guy!
And the really good news is that that is how others see us.
So I have my good moments. But the bottom line is... at your new weight you are much better looking and certainly much healthier.
Hang in there,
Peter
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serberus
Senior Member
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Posted: 10 November 2005 09:25 pm |
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| Thanks so much guys. I'm usually not so hard on myself. It's been more of a recent thing. Peter your right about perspective. There are times I see my reflection in the mirror or in store windows and say, "Wow, you look great keep it up." I know I have done really great. I am really proud of myself and all the work I have put into it. Some days I feel like whats the point, I still have this roll ect. But the point is I have come so far. I love having the energy to run at the park with my 2 yr old and play. Go up and down the slides together. It wasn't that long ago I was telling her, wait a minute mommy needs a break. My kids have their mom back, my husband has his wife back and I have me back. Thats the point. No more couch potatoe who is too tired and run down to do anything. The rest will come in time and I have lots of that left in my life god willing.
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Peter
Founder, caloriesperhour.com
| Joined: | 24 May 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 4179 |
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Posted: 10 November 2005 09:31 pm |
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I think this is a great thread and might put a link to it in the next newsletter which goes to 12,000 people.
Interesting I just recently deleted a forum on Self Image because it wasn't active enough and I like to keep things simple.
Peter
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NevD
New Member
| Joined: | 26 October 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1536 |
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Posted: 10 November 2005 10:57 pm |
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Serberus -
I was interested to note that during your post you listed your fat-loss success.
It made you feel better, no doubt. That's why I always advise people I work with to keep a log. Look back far enough through the records and you can see how far you've come.
As to self-image - I discovered when I finally lost enough weight successfully (quite a while ago now) that my rib cage looked lop-sided. I don't remember ever having any broken bones, so it's either the way my skeleton grew, or else I was removed from my mother with some strong tongs!
Either way, it was disconcerting for a while. Then I looked at a holiday picture of me when I'd weighed about 35% more. No trace of a rib cage, lop-sided or otherwise! You can guess which version I preferred.
When I felt down about it the next time, I went into my wardrobe and put on some favourite clothes. The ones I couldn't have gotten into only a year earlier. That made me feel better.
The point is: success deserves to be celebrated and enjoyed. It's a frame-of-mind thing, which is why I also advise those with whom I work to think positive thoughts about themselves every day.
If you're going to have habits, make them good ones!
Chin up!
NevD 
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serberus
Senior Member
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Posted: 14 November 2005 07:29 pm |
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Nev,
I did just that. Went into my closet this weekend and put on some clothes that I bought in the middle of summer and some jeans I bought last winter. I could not believe that they were the same clothes that use to be tight on me. The jeans fell right to the ground when they were buttoned and zipped. When I held them up, they looked like you could fit another me in them. It felt great. My husband said lets get rid of them. My response was noooo. What if I need them one day. Scary how my mind goes right to this being a temporary thing. But for now I'm just going to enjoy it and not look at what else needs to be done.
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Green Apple
Member
| Joined: | 19 October 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 33 |
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Posted: 15 November 2005 09:06 pm |
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| I can relate--I think that after years of disappointed it's hard to start appreciating how far you've actually come. It's a hard thing.
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Sian
Senior Member
| Joined: | 6 November 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 31 |
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Posted: 15 November 2005 10:13 pm |
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I think this forum is great too- as many people have underlying issues with their self-image.
While I have never been very overweight, I have always been preoccupied with losing weight, especially at stressful times in my life. I think it goes back to being bullied at school. Though I was never bullied about my weight, I was bullied about other aspects of my appearance, and as a result I felt like other people wouldn't really be interested in spending time with me, and if they did it would be only because they felt sorry for me.
Though I left school five years ago and have gone on to be successful in many areas in my life and am generally pretty happy, frequently those old feelings will come back to me, and this affects the way I live my life to some extent still.
It doesn't matter if other people tell me that I look nice or that I am a nice person, because deep down I still do not believe this.
I was wondering if anyone has self-image problems that are a result of previous experiences in their life, and if anyone has managed to overcome theirs.
Also, sorry if this is not really about weight loss!
Thanks very much
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NevD
New Member
| Joined: | 26 October 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1536 |
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Posted: 15 November 2005 10:51 pm |
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Sian -
Check out:
http://www.caloriesperhour.com/forums/view_topic.php?id=605
NevD
Self-image can be changed, but you have to set yourself against the same old gremlins that have always tripped you up even to get started on changing things. (You'll hear that inner voice telling you it's too hard, not worth it or whatever). Just keep reading the list every day. It works!
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Sian
Senior Member
| Joined: | 6 November 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 31 |
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Posted: 16 November 2005 06:40 pm |
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| Thanks once again NevD, I appreciate it.
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flyawayana
Senior Member
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Posted: 17 December 2005 01:37 am |
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i hate my reflection. 
fly
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fsahurie
New Member
| Joined: | 6 December 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 413 |
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Posted: 17 December 2005 03:58 am |
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flyawayana wrote: i hate my reflection.
fly
http://www.caloriesperhour.com/forums/forum26/764.html
Last edited on 17 December 2005 03:59 am by fsahurie
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kristy3m
New Member
| Joined: | 17 March 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 4 |
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Posted: 21 March 2006 11:19 pm |
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I read this on a day when i was sure i had completely lost the ability to take good care of myself and that i was destined to gain back every single one of the 30 lbs. i have lost in the last 2 years.
but I read this and pulled myself out of the cycle. it helps so much to know that i'm just in a rut and need to pull back out again.
This is a great thread for that. I started to look in the mirror and saw the same me, but not as though i was disgusting and fat...i was just me.
YA!
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pipermac
Member
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Posted: 22 March 2006 12:02 am |
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This is a Problem We All Experience with one thing or other.
As Long as there is something out there Better, Bigger, Richer, Stronger, etc etc. we Always seem to want more.
the Best way to get around this is to remember to look at the other end of the spectrum. We Like to look at what is a head of us rather then what is behind us.
How Much Money is enough? Many of us say that only if I had this much..then I could have this and that....But if you do get it you the realize what you can have if you had even more. you begin to forget where you came from or what others have.
My Wife has got down before when we cant afford certain things. but she forgets how luck we are to have what we do. We Live in a Beautiful house, we own two cars, we are able to go out basically whenever we want. But there is always that friend that has the bigger house, the better car, goes on more vacations. you forget about the friends that are living day to day in an old apartment living paycheck to paycheck.
The Same applys to our body....we see how it is now...not how it used to be. we see movie stars and models with unbelievable bodies. We focusl on how it can be better and forget how worse it can actually be.
Whenever You think of how much better something can be....try hard to remember how bad it can be as well!
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gingerb8956
New Member
| Joined: | 17 March 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 11 |
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Posted: 28 March 2006 03:30 am |
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This is such an old post but I had to add something to it.
I know exactly what everyone is talking about on here. Personally I think my problem is that I compare myself too much to everyone else. When I am heavier, I can sit in a bar and look around and pick out all the girls that look better than me. Contrary wise, when I am thinner, I will sit there and pick out the girls that look worse than me! I mean, is that rude or what? But I do it.
I'm constantly thinking of myself on some kind of scale. Ok, I'm 10 pounds over, I guess I'm more like a 6 now. Ok, I'm in great shape, I must be a 9 or 10. I literally take a moment to decide who is the hottest girl in the room and if its not me I decide what it is about that girl that I would percieve her to be better looking to see if I could change myself a bit to look more like her. A hairstyle, certain clothing, or sometimes I decide we're equally hot we just look different...apples to oranges! I mean, is that weird or what? But I do it!
I even sit there and actively think about how I look standing next to someone else. I am hour glass shape 5'4 and I have a friend who is thin as a rail and 6'1. I don't like standing next to her, I feel like a midget. I had a guy friend tell me not to worry about it so much. He said, "I'm sure people aren't looking at you guys and thinking...wow, look at the cow next to the giraffe!" But it feels that way. You know, the only way I was able to get over it was to look from both sides. So, ok...some people will look and think I am too short and heavy...maybe others will look and think she is too tall and thin? BUT!!!! I am reversing the negative on to my friend to feel positive about myself. Is that crazy or what??? But I do it!
On the plus side, doing this usually gives me awesome motivation to get back in shape and never to let myself get too far out of shape. On the down side, sometimes I think, MAN...I'm a sicko with a warped sense of self-esteem!
Bit how do you fix it? Is it even a problem that needs to be fixed? I mean in a way, haven't we all learned from an early age to compare ourselves to others? Isn't that what the class system is all about, race relations, gender differences? Not trying to open up a sociology debate...but I am wondering if I might actually be somewhat normal. :P
Last edited on 28 March 2006 03:37 am by gingerb8956
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lady jackyl
Member
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Posted: 28 March 2006 08:15 pm |
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| I am the same exact way ginger... if Im in walmart or where ever shopping for clothes Im looking at all the women around me and either wishing I was as small as them or wondering what size they are... Im an hour glass and 5'5 so I can definitly relate to what your saying... and Im always looking for ways to improve myself... and nothing is ever good enough.
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CMO
New Member
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Posted: 28 March 2006 08:25 pm |
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Peter wrote: What I always like about group support meetings is that somebody always has something to say that helps you make it through the day. Maybe it is uplifting and inspiring, or maybe it just tells you that you are not the only one having a tough time and that somehow helps. My message would be the latter.
I am my worst critic, and when I look at myself in the mirror I always spot everything that's wrong. But I do the same with everything.
Every spring I plant dozens of flowers in a flower bed and watch as they grow. At the beginning, the bed it mostly dirt and I have to weed it weekly. I watch as the plants spread because as soon as they cover all the dirt and block out the sunlight the weeds stop growing. That's when I stop fussing and enjoy the flowers.
One year I was standing over them looking at the small flowers and the weeds I had to tend when I neighbor called me over. On the way back, I saw the flower bed from a different perspective. It was full of beautiful flowers... no wonder my neighbor had just said how pretty they were.
All I had been watching was the dirt and weeds... waiting for the whole flower bed to be perfect!
Sounds like I learned my lesson, and I guess I did. But it hasn't changed my daily practice much. I still have to remind myself of that story all the time.
Just as I saw the flower bed from a different view walking back from my neighbor's, I sometimes see myself that way. Instead of looking closely in the mirror and picking out all the wrinkled, sagging skin and other imperfections, I'll catch myself in a mirror across the room at the gym or in a store and say... hey, that's a pretty good looking guy!
And the really good news is that that is how others see us.
So I have my good moments. But the bottom line is... at your new weight you are much better looking and certainly much healthier.
Hang in there,
Peter
That's a LOVELY story
It relates SO well to bodyimage isuues
Thank you for sharing
I have bodyimage issues as well...even when I was slim&trim, I still looked in the mirror and obsessed over my minor flaws instead of the WHOLE package
I have a feeling when I get back to my original weight, I just may appreciate it more than I once did
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kristy3m
New Member
| Joined: | 17 March 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 4 |
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Posted: 30 March 2006 10:21 pm |
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lady jackyl wrote: I am the same exact way ginger... if Im in walmart or where ever shopping for clothes Im looking at all the women around me and either wishing I was as small as them or wondering what size they are... Im an hour glass and 5'5 so I can definitly relate to what your saying... and Im always looking for ways to improve myself... and nothing is ever good enough.
If you can get into it, Meditation is a great way to start working w/ self-image and the constant comparisons with other people. I still mentally compare myself to others, but the comparisons are less important and insistent, and I'm abel to spend a bit more time on the compassionate side that is there as well...
I hope that makes sense. It's so vague to explain, but basically as soon as I am able to stop judging myself by my weight, it's easier to stop judging others...
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gingerb8956
New Member
| Joined: | 17 March 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 11 |
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Posted: 31 March 2006 03:10 am |
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| Meditation might be good...but I don't really think I'm judging people so much as just trying to figure out where I stand in line with the rest of the human race. Or whatever part of the human race is present with me in any given location. The fact remains, that the first impression I will give anyone when meeting them is with what I look like. If that wasn't thr truth then we would wear blue jeans and flips to job interviews. So maybe meditation could help me to place less importance on my worries about how I present myself. But I wanted to clarify, I'm ot a mean girl judging someone because I don't think they look great, just a chick trying to figure out where I stand.
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lady jackyl
Member
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Posted: 1 April 2006 07:13 pm |
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| I dont believe Im judging others either,, all Im doing is seeing others that look good and compairing myself to them, and trying to find ways to improve myself.
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NevD
New Member
| Joined: | 26 October 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1536 |
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Posted: 1 April 2006 07:34 pm |
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I am the same exact way ginger... if Im in walmart or where ever shopping for clothes Im looking at all the women around me
I do that too, but my wife insists on thumping me, for some reason...
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Krinkala
Member
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Posted: 2 April 2006 12:36 am |
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I've come to terms with the fact that I will never be completely satisfied with myself no matter what improvements I make. I accept this, have made peace with my dissatisfaction and now look at it as a good thing. Most people have a restless nature. And it is this restless nature that prods us forward to the next level of learning and activity.
You just have to step back and laugh at yourself a little bit every now and then. I know what I am doing and I know why I'm doing it and I know I probably can't stop myself and wouldn't if I could. Because it is what moves me forward even though there is no ultimate end. That is how life is. You keep moving forward toward perfection knowing you will never be perfect. You'll never be perfect, but you can make little refinements in yourself and in your world and over time, those little improvements can turn into something very good.
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trimB
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 3 April 2006 01:46 am |
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That's a very positive perspective. I'm a perfectionist myself, and sometimes wish I could relax about my imperfections a bit more. It seems an inappropriate amount of self-stress sometimes.
Related to this discussion... I'd always thought of this driven, body-concious restlessness as a possibly American/Canadian phenomenon. Perhaps it's a stereotype, but it seems that the issue is not so prevelant for, say, French women or Japanese women. That makes me think it is at least somewhat a social issue on top of one's own natural disposition.
Last edited on 3 April 2006 01:47 am by trimB
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MNTWHITTEN
New Member
| Joined: | 21 March 2006 |
| Location: | Utah USA |
| Posts: | 52 |
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Posted: 4 April 2006 04:57 pm |
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It's kinda weird for me. I compare myself to others all the time. I really hate it. My DH asked me (because my self-image is a real concern for him. It really affects us) if I liked anything about myself. He names all the the things he likes about my on the outside to give me examples, and everything he says I have some excuse in my head as to why I don't like it. I'm working on that though. I've been picking things about me that I like and been trying to accent that. Like now that I'm working out, I have muscle in my arms. I love it.
But yesterday I was have such a #%@&! day. Just with work and stuff with my mom. and I was sitting here and started thinking about my big 'ol fat roll on my belly and how big it felt at the moment. Like why would I all the sudden think about that. Weird. I must associate my looks and that with bad things.
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REDQUEEN
New Member
| Joined: | 19 December 2005 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 59 |
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Posted: 4 April 2006 05:35 pm |
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I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT SELF IMAGE. I CAN NOT SEE MYSELF. SOMETIMES I CATCH A GLIMPSE OF MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, AND I DON'T RECOGNIZE ME. THE WAY I LOOK AND FEEL IN MY MIND IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THAN REALITY.
I KNOW JUST HOW YOU FEEL WHEN YOU SPEAK OF YOUR #%@&! DAY AND YOUR FAT ROLL. . . I HAD A #%@&! DAY YESTERDAY. . . I WAS TIRED, WORN OUT, DEPRESSED, ETC. . . SO I ATE:chew:, AND THEN I ATE:chew:, AND THEN I ATE AGAIN:chew:.
ANYWAY, I AM SITTING HERE RIGHT NOW, AND I FEEL AS IF I GAINED AT LEAST 20 POUNDS OVERNIGHT. I FEEL LIKE THE INCREDIBLE HULK, AS HE IS BURSTING OUT OF HIS CLOTHES. :?
I'VE BEEN HERE AND READING THE FORUMS ON THIS SITE SINCE DECEMBER, AND IT STILL AMAZES ME THAT THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE, LIKE ME, ON THIS ENTIRE SITE THAT SHARE MANY OF THE SAME FEELINGS.
I AM GLAD WE ALL HAVE A PLACE TO GO AND VENT TO OTHERS WHO KNOW JUST HOW WE FEEL.
HAVE A GREAT , THIN , YOU LOOK LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS DAY,
REDQUEEN
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