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sekru
New Member
| Joined: | 10 August 2009 |
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| Posts: | 1 |
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Posted: 11 August 2009 03:24 am |
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The way that I eat and think about food has never really been right...
I was always a chubby child, obsessed with food, I would look forward to afterschool snacks and desert every day and would always ask for seconds...
When I was about 12 I became self concious and the harmless jokes stated getting to me and I decided to do something about my weight, I sucessfully reached a healthy weight.. It wasnt long before the weight crept back on though and I was back to my chubby self..
My attempt to get 'healthy' again quicky turned into an obsession and I began seriously restricting myself, it became more of a problem and soon I was diagnosed with anorexia.. This didn't last long..I then participated in an overseas exchange where I had no escape from food, I gave up completely on eating well and discovered binging..I gained 10kg in 6 weeks!
When I returned I switched back on the extreme dieting and lost the weight that I had put on, but I only maintained it for about 5 months and pretty quickly I went back into self sobbotage mode and put on a ridiculous amount of weight this time I think it was like 15 kg in 2 months.. Once again after feelings of disgust I went back into extreme dieting and lost the weight again....
For the last 6 months I have fallen into a new trap that I cannot escape, I am at a healthy weight( I would still like to loose a couple of kg) but I compulsivly overeat, worse than anyone can imagine, days will pass where i am consumed by what food i can get my hands on, i secretly go from one food outlet to another, then home to raid the pantry, I will literally eat all day- so I dont know if thats really classified as a 'binge'.. The next day I will do it all again, normally this lasts about 4 days and I will gain about 3-4kg... Then I literally starve myself for the following week to make up for it, during these stages my mind is consumed by not eating, and how to get away with it!
These weight fluctuations are so embarassing and people must know what is going on as it is so obvious I gain so much weight!
I just want to eat normally and be at a weight where I feel comfortable! I am so sick of my life revolving around food, it consumes so much of me and the way I feel, as I hate myself so much for doing this!
HELP ME!
thanks for reading :)
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 19 August 2009 04:51 am |
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| I could have writtin this post you are so like me. My struggle with bingeing is long and well documented (all on this site actually). I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you, but know that you are not alone, and that your desire to stop is your starting point. I don't think I'll ever stop struggling with my problem with food but I keep it in check and that's the best I can do.
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 21 August 2009 05:18 pm |
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totally able to relate to your story, and the realization of the trouble is the first step. i have days when i just want to go nuts, go to the fast food places and binge till i feel whatever emptiness i am holding onto it filled......but i somehow overcome it. Partly i think its because i am about 12 miles from any place such as that, and the other half is that i know that i know that i wont be happy once i am done my body is sick. my tummy hurts, my head hurts, i feel groggy and lethargic and have terrible heartburn etc...its not worth it anymore. INstead, i will eat here, but its controlled in that i dont have alot of the things that i would get out there, nor do i have the effort in me to go thru the making of them all. Now, if i get a carb craving, i either have cereal, or bread here and that is about it, sure chips and crackers or cookies...but you know those arent at the fast food places...so it isnt the same and i end up passing it all up anyway. Other days though, I will dive in, eat 4 pieces of sliced bread with just butter, and a glass of tea! or a can of pepsi! But come on, we all know that is waay better in the end than a burger meal or a pizza meal from fast food places...lol....not good but not HALF AS BAD! Or a big bowl of cereal even, its only like 300 calories compared to 1200 in a whopper meal from burger king. Its a mental thing for me to want those things, but my body resists it because i feel so junky afterwards and i finally know that. Baby steps because i love my pizza, but again to go all the way to town, to pack up my child, is it worth it??? instead its a treat and all of us eat it and i am forced to control what i do at that time. Eating out is no longer a daily thing, or even weekly, more like monthly or once in a while now. I think of it, but dont often follow thru anymore.
You arent alone. Bottom line. Most of us have this problem. One day at a time, realizing its a trouble for you is step one. Ease off slowly. Learn how to enjoy healthy foods, you can overeat those! lol.....anything at home is better than fast food.
I have to share one more thing, the other day i splurged and allowed myself some mint chocolate chip ice cream after 8pm, and i justified it to my hubby by saying i thought about it all day, told myself if i still wanted it after dinner, i would have some...and of course ended up eating more than i should and made my tummy hurt cuz it was overfull! But, in the thought that you say you couldnt stop thinking about food all the time...i am there with you. I told my hubby that and he said to me that he barely ever thinks about food all day, but he thinks about other things all day! LOL.....he was being naughty of course, he is my perve of a hubby! lol....but i love him and i adore him for finding me soo irresistable :) but my point is, we have a chemical imbalance in our bodies that causes us to obsess about food as we do, its not normal.....we know that...it may or may not ever get better, we just have to learn how to MANAGE it so that we can enjoy our lives. You will find your way, the fact you are here sharing is a great first step. Just go one day at a time, and before you know it you will feel like me, sure you really want it, but you just cant get yourself to get up and go get it! :) Talk yourself out of it, tell yourself if you have to have it, wait till friday or the end of the week and make it a treat...and eventually it does become somewhat less important and you find you enjoy the healthy things more and more....
You can do it! If we can do it, so can you...just keep coming here and we will support you! :)
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