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corrie
New Member
| Joined: | 1 September 2005 |
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| Posts: | 16 |
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Posted: 1 September 2005 05:39 pm |
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Here's a delicate topic that I hesitate to ever mention to people because it's so "cry me a river". But has anyone out there who has lost a lot of weight found the readjustment period a bit awkward, or simply weird?
Here's my deal: I went from 190 to 135 this year. Very naturally, very simply, and at a nice pace. I'm enjoying all the emotional and physical rewards of being thinner and healthier and look forward to losing that last 15 lbs (which is tricky!). But socially, although everything is still good at work, with my hubby, etc. I've experienced a lot of strange changes in how people perceive me, look at me (I'm not talking oggling), react to me, etc. I'm not saying the changes are good or bad...but it's very very different now, and for a while I felt like a stranger to the world.
You think that when you lose a lot of weight, it's all "You look great!" "How did you do it???" And I have gotten great feedback from people. But from others who I was friednly with, I've gotten snubbed...and from others who had snubbed me, I'm getting attention (again, not oggling attention, but more like "Hey good morning!") And I don't feel like my personality has changed, or how I conduct myself at work...maybe I'm a bit bubblier...It's just amazing how a person is treated based on their physical traits...good or bad.
Like I said, this is hard to explain without coming off as "poor me"...I don't feel that at all...I'm very very happy...but I just didn't expect the "outside" changes, you know? Did anyone else out there experience this type of thing?
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Peter
Founder, caloriesperhour.com
| Joined: | 24 May 2005 |
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| Posts: | 4179 |
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Posted: 1 September 2005 10:48 pm |
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All true in my experience too. But the positives outweight the negatives... in health as well as looks.
#%@&! people!
Peter
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corrie
New Member
| Joined: | 1 September 2005 |
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| Posts: | 16 |
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Posted: 1 September 2005 10:55 pm |
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Glad it's not just me. And it's funny...I never realized that I actually was being snubbed by people until all of a sudden they started coming out of the woodwork. Kinda creepy.
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Deledio_3
New Member
| Joined: | 24 October 2005 |
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| Posts: | 3 |
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Posted: 24 October 2005 02:30 pm |
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I agree 100% having dropped 70 pounds all these people u used to know suddenly treat u completely differnetly, like your an equal, and others snob you cause they are jealous
All i say is do it for yourself and then if ppl want to be jealous thats there problem
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AshenShugar
Member
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Posted: 24 October 2005 08:15 pm |
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I'm glad someone brought this up. It's happened to me also. Before my weight loss I was well-liked but not respected, if you take my meaning. There was always a condescension to some of the interaction with my coworkers, as if they were saying "Let's be nice to this poor fat slob who can't even find a woman." I had rock-bottom self-esteem, and some responded with kindness and others with scorn.
In order to lose the weight I had to adopt some new attitudes--determination, aggressiveness, dominance, etc. These were all very new to me (they still are) as before I had tended to be somewhat passive. It wasn't just the weigth, however; changes at my workplace demanded someone step into a role of authority (if not an official one) that was vacant. More confident than before, I did so. Finding out I could do it, and do it well, added still more confidence.
Now I ask myself the question you should ask yourself: Are they mainly responding to my physical changes or my personality changes, or both? Again in my case, the one would not have occurred without the other.
I'm beginning to think the changes will be so profound by the time I'm done that the only resemblence to my former self will be height, hair and eye color, and social security number.
In short, if you've lost that much weight in so short a time (congratulations, BTW, I just did the same thing and I know how difficult it is) the odds are your personality will have changed in ways that make some of your acquaintances no longer attracted to you the way they were. What I've found is that it's necessary to reassure people, subtly, that you still like and admire them despite these changes. Essentially you're a new person, and they have to decide whether they like this new person or not. Some won't.
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mommydoo
Member
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Posted: 30 October 2005 03:53 am |
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| I' ve lost alot of weight too......and aside from everyone reactions. my mind still was in ....my body is still fat frame of mind. Which I don't know if that will ever change!
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smallfry
New Member
| Joined: | 10 November 2005 |
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| Posts: | 6 |
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Posted: 10 November 2005 08:50 pm |
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Man, I am soooooo glad i found this site...
My weight has fluctuated wildly over the last 12 years, and the way people react to me is so different... Like somehow everytime i gained weight, i was suddenly invisible. People (ok men) stopped opening doors for me, or maintaining eye contact with me, even stopped consulting me for my opinion... like somehow i was stupid because i had allowed my self to get fat. The more weight i lost, the smarter i got, apparently, all the commenters had something positive to say, but in reality made me feel like the person i was before was pretty horrible...
Now I am invisible again, pretty amazing for someone who is 185 pounds...
BUT.. reading your stories makes me realize that there are so many people out there struggling with the same things i do, and i take heart in your successes.
You are all beautiful, people.... Everybody else's jealousy and condesention just makes them ugly.. no matter what size they are.
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Peter
Founder, caloriesperhour.com
| Joined: | 24 May 2005 |
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| Posts: | 4179 |
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Posted: 10 November 2005 09:03 pm |
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smallfry wrote: ...reading your stories makes me realize that there are so many people out there struggling with the same things i do, and i take heart in your successes.
That's why support groups -- and forums -- can be so helpful. To find that we are not alone.
Peter
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Green Apple
Member
| Joined: | 19 October 2005 |
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| Posts: | 33 |
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Posted: 11 November 2005 09:13 pm |
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| I've noticed the difference in how people treat me and I always remain thankful for the friends that I've had all along and not people who just showed up--actually now that I think of it--I've become a real jerk--I used to be overally nice to compensate but now I take pride in being a jerk every once and a while :) I know that's really bad.
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JILLDOUCET
New Member
| Joined: | 5 January 2006 |
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| Posts: | 10 |
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Posted: 15 January 2006 02:29 am |
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This is a very interesting topic. I often feel invisible. Kinda strange for a 350 lb ( I hope a little less by now) woman aye? lol
Anyways I think it's probably as some of you have said. Some are downright jealous.
You know I've heard very intelligent and well liked people say that losing weight was THE hardest thing they have ever done so maybe it's just that those people that are snubbing you guys are so in awe of you because you have done something that everyone knows is one of the hardest things to do.
I'm so happy for all of you and I can NOT wait to be snubbed!!!! lol
Jill
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Synicalchick
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 January 2006 12:11 am |
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Hi Jill,
My name is Tracy and I just joined the forum today.. check out my daily diary post. My user name is synicalchick. My top weight about a year ago was 341.. 20 just kind of fell off without trying because I met someone then I got stuck in the 320's. Last Monday I started my life change.
Check it out.
Blessings,
Tracy :P
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Javan
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 January 2006 07:00 am |
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I have sort of a similar problem that I relate to and also it makes me think of yet another situation.
I am between 190 and 195 lbs and carry my weight very well. I wanted to lose about 15-20 lbs since it is in my ideal BMI range and I know I will feel better being a bit lighter. I carry most of the extra weight in my chest. I have strong pecs/shoulders/stomach, but also extra fat. I have lost about 5 lbs thus far and I think it has mostly left my #%@&!. Now women in the office are saying "God, grow an #%@&! will ya?" not super derogatory, but they can not understand what I am doing.
Flashback to 2 years ago. I met a woman and we see eather other quite frequently for about 2 months. She keeps telling me how her breasts were quite larger at one time (yet all the pics I see of her show her with no real bigger body). She would frequently talk about maybe getting breast implants and I kept asking why? Her breasts were fine to me. Her answer?? "I do not want them for you. I want them for me!!" It was a sense of self esteem for her. Boy did I get schooled that day.
But this also pertains to me. ON the exterior to some people I look fine. But I know what the scale says and how my body feels. I am not losing a ton of weight, just enough to get me where I want to be to feel good.
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Past Member
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Posted: 12 February 2006 12:37 am |
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You'll find who your Real Friends are when you're losing weight. Those are the one's who'd never say 'Just one won't hurt!' or 'You can eat anything and not gain weight' or beg you to walk into temptaion's web.
My Dau-in-law (300#) would sweetly undercut my efforts. Tales I could tell!
Figure out who's friend and who's not. Knowledge is power.
This is a wonderful byproduct of weight loss. Pity those who never know.
Susi VirginiaCountryLife.blogspot.com
-- Edited to comply with Terms of Use
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Peter
Founder, caloriesperhour.com
| Joined: | 24 May 2005 |
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| Posts: | 4179 |
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Posted: 12 February 2006 08:33 am |
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Susi, I looked at your website. I love mushrooms, and think they're the near perfect, high protein, low calorie food!
We have plenty here in the Northwest but I'd be afraid to eat anything wild... for fear of poisoning myself. I even have a great field guide, but every so often someone dies or gets sick so I'm afraid.
But I buy them all the time!
Peter
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NevD
New Member
| Joined: | 26 October 2005 |
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| Posts: | 1536 |
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Posted: 12 February 2006 03:02 pm |
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but I'd be afraid to eat anything wild... for fear of poisoning myself.
Good job you weren't around when we were cave dwellers, eh, Peter?
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Peter
Founder, caloriesperhour.com
| Joined: | 24 May 2005 |
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| Posts: | 4179 |
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Posted: 13 February 2006 06:45 am |
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| They didn't have mushroom way back then.
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NevD
New Member
| Joined: | 26 October 2005 |
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| Posts: | 1536 |
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Posted: 14 February 2006 11:30 pm |
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They didn't have mushroom way back then.
Not in the shops, but what's a cave without fungi? (Minimally decorated, I guess)...
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Krinkala
Member
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Posted: 5 March 2006 03:29 am |
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Oh, this is a good topic. I wasn't overweight all my life. I gained weight gradually over the years. I kept a good image of myself and never considered myself any less of a person when I was overweight. But other people, especially at work, behaved as though they were better and smarter than me. When I started taking off the weight I knew ahead of time they would be wowed by my transition and would start treating me better. I also knew that I would be unimpressed by their new attitude since I am the same person. I did have a few fantasies about blowing them off for the shallow people they are, but in real life I accepted their compliments since it is an accomplishment I am proud of.
When I had lost 10 to 15 pounds, people began to ask about it and were happy for me. I walked before work, during lunch and sometimes after work with any of the office workers in the area that would go with me. (I did other exercise at home, but this is what they saw) Then as I continued to lose weight, the men in my office started paying more positive attention to me and the women in the office started not liking that. There was an adjustment time for them. I wasn't going to be the one to make them look good by comparison anymore. Then I got slimmer than most of them and they came to me for dietary advise. I told them for over a year that I was keeping a food diary and counting calories and exercising and still people would come up to me to share their new fad diet - grapefruit juice, cabbage soup, herbal concoctions with a taste from #%@&!, no carbs, whatever. Their fad diets have come and gone and they have all gained weight and I am almost to goal. The tables have turned.
I have moved on. I found a better job and the people there never knew me as obese and I am treated like anybody else which is all I ever wanted.
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karefree
New Member
| Joined: | 27 February 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 20 |
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Posted: 14 March 2006 08:50 am |
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| Some people don't seem to find joy at other peoples successes. In fact some people resent the success of others because of either jealousy or perhaps because they realize they are not willing to exert the same effort in changing their own lives. I have experienced the weight loss thing in the past and am sorry to say that I am seeing signs of it again from people that I would least expect it from. It saddens me and I hope I don't lose my motivation from having to deal with it.:(
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Peter
Founder, caloriesperhour.com
| Joined: | 24 May 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 4179 |
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Posted: 14 March 2006 10:36 am |
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If you lose your motivation they have "won."
Like the monkey says, "Hang in there!"
Peter
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NevD
New Member
| Joined: | 26 October 2005 |
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| Posts: | 1536 |
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Posted: 14 March 2006 03:58 pm |
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Oh, this is a good topic.
Great post, krinkala -
The rewards of perseverence!
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REDQUEEN
New Member
| Joined: | 19 December 2005 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 59 |
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Posted: 14 March 2006 06:01 pm |
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| I lost around 160 pounds. People treat me much different than before. I recently started working in an office after being out of the "outside" workforce for about 12 years. (I previously did home day care). I can't believe the way people treat me. I work with a woman that is extremely overweight, (we started the same day) if she and I walk down the hall together, it is as if she is invisible, but eveyone will exchange greetings with me. It makes me feel ashamed when I see how truly shallow so many people are. I am so blessed to have lost this weight, but the most important stuff is the things that I have gained that are not visible to others. I sometimes wonder how things would be if I had the same appearance that I had three years ago. I hope this makes sense, this is my first post, and I hope it conveys the way that I feel. By the way, this is the greatest place that I have ever found. I tell every one about it!!!
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karefree
New Member
| Joined: | 27 February 2006 |
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| Posts: | 20 |
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Posted: 14 March 2006 06:05 pm |
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| Thanks, Peter. I am trying to "hang".:)
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gingerb8956
New Member
| Joined: | 17 March 2006 |
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| Posts: | 11 |
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Posted: 28 March 2006 10:00 pm |
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Man...girls at work will get jealous just because you buy a new coat! Some people are just mean and if you didn't work with them you wouldn't know them.
Years ago when I went from a size 13 to a size 5 some of the girls in the office were down right rude to me. Someone even keyed my car because their boyfriend at work was talking to me! Take a moment and let that sink in....someone keyed my car because I lost weight. WOW!
At first I was completely hurt and offended and then I just got angry. I decided that the ruder they got must mean the more I was looking better and it actually helped me improve my self esteem. Like, man...that girl in the breakroom was a beotch...cool, I guess I do look good in these jeans!
You know what I had more trouble with, recognizing myself when I looked in the mirror....
Last edited on 28 March 2006 10:01 pm by gingerb8956
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NevD
New Member
| Joined: | 26 October 2005 |
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| Posts: | 1536 |
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Posted: 28 March 2006 10:09 pm |
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Main thing I noticed when I lost weight was that it hurt more when my wife punched me!
I just had to learn to upset women who were less fierce.
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corrie
New Member
| Joined: | 1 September 2005 |
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| Posts: | 16 |
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Posted: 1 May 2006 10:01 pm |
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Thanks for your responses! Got some good chuckles, and most importantly, feel understood.
It's been a few months since my original post, and I must say that I have become quite acclimated to my new life and how I'm most likely being viewed by certain others. I'm not as taken aback or suspicious of someone's attentiveness/inattantiveness, yet I have a whole new respect for those who can just talk to anyone the same, regardless of what they look like. Or for men who don't assume I'm trying to come on to them just because I make eye contact with them when I ask them a question about work.
It's hard for me, a person who is not conceited, to discuss this w/o sounding...well, conceited. It's not so much about me being "sooo good-looking", but more a sad commentary to just how inadequate so many people feel about themselves, and are so easily threatened by nothing.
In short, screw 'em.
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Loulou
New Member
| Joined: | 24 April 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 2 |
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Posted: 4 May 2006 08:25 pm |
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This happened to me. In my late teens and early twenties I was overweight and was basically ignored. I felt invisible. No one noticed me (or wanted to) and this goes for both males and females.
When I’d walk into a store the sales staff would ignore me.
When with a group of girlfriends:
1) No one asked my opinion, they made decisions on what the group should do, or where we should go and I was just expected to agree
2) I was left behind a lot and expected to keep up with the group, walking behind everyone else – no one would wait for me to catch up.
3) No one would give me compliments on my outfit or ever want to borrow my clothes, jewelry or share makeup tips with me.
As for guys, they would either completely ignore me or viewed me as the annoying friend of the girl they were trying to pick up (and they would be overtly obvious with the latter).
Also, when walking on school campus guys would never look at me.
I was treated this way for so long that I didn’t know any different. It wasn’t until I started losing the weight that I realized that I wasn’t invisible after all. I got down to 115 and things changed.
Sales staff noticed me when I would walk into a store and would go out of their way to help me find a size.
Girlfriends changed too. Suddenly they wanted to know where I bought this shirt or that skirt because they liked it and wanted to buy one too. My opinions counted and they wanted advice on how to lose a few pounds (I guess I was finally good for something).
As for the guys, they were trying to pick me up left, right, and centre. I’d get picked up in bars, at parties and at school – it never failed. And when I walked across campus the guys would look at me – in fact, I never knew what a meat market my school was until I lost the weight. Up until then I assumed guys weren’t looking at me because it was an Ivy League school and that they were concentrating on their studies! Males would also hold the door open for me, give up a parking spot for me, and let me in front of them at the cashier line.
Here’s the good news: the guys came and left and so did the nasty girlfriends but the friends that were always nice and true to me still are.
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NevD
New Member
| Joined: | 26 October 2005 |
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| Posts: | 1536 |
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Posted: 4 May 2006 08:57 pm |
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Your subtext is that we have shallow societal values...
It would be hard to disagree.
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REDQUEEN
New Member
| Joined: | 19 December 2005 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 59 |
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Posted: 4 May 2006 10:39 pm |
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LOULOU,
IT IS AMAZING ISN'T IT?
NEVD IS RIGHT, WE DO LIVE IN A SOCIETY THAT HAS SHALLOW VALUES. I GUESS THINGS WERE ALWAYS LIKE THIS, WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?
REDQUEEN
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Loulou
New Member
| Joined: | 24 April 2006 |
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| Posts: | 2 |
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Posted: 5 May 2006 06:36 pm |
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RedQueen, I hate to say that our society is like that but it is. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't experienced it for myself.
The sad part is that because I'm tuned into it, I see it happening to others - like minorities, people with disabilities, and others who have weight problems. I think society assumes people who are overweight, disabled or a minority can be mis-treated because they are meek and won't stand up for themselves(?)
Along the same theme, a girlfriend of mine who has sandy colored hair is constantly highlighting her color from light to dark and back. She's been doing this since her teens and she says people treat her better when she's blond and that men notice her and approach her more.
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Storm
New Member
| Joined: | 19 May 2006 |
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| Posts: | 290 |
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Posted: 23 May 2006 12:00 am |
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Even though I havn't lost any weight yet (That I know of) I too have seen this and so much more. Bigger people get ignored all too often, while Thin people get noticed.
Then there's (for school people at least) The teaseing.
I've always been big as far as I can remember, and I always got picked on because of it. Boys (in middle and highschool) would see me walk by and go 'Hey this kid wants to date you' while pointing at their friend. If you go through your whole school life with those kinds of comments, it's hard to imagin that you deserve much more respect.
Even at my new school this happens, the 'fat' kids are ignored, the 'thin' kids get all the attention. The thins don't have to pratically yell for people to move to get to their next class on time from a crowded hallway, thin kids make room for one another. It' crazy!
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REDQUEEN
New Member
| Joined: | 19 December 2005 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 59 |
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Posted: 23 May 2006 01:12 am |
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HEY STORM,
I WAS GLAD TO READ YOUR POST. I AM SORRY THAT YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED BEING TEASED. UNFORTUNATELY, THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE (OLDER AND YOUNGER) THAT HAVE TO MAKE SOME ELSE FEEL BAD SO THAT THEY CAN FEEL BETTER.
IF YOU REALIZE THIS NOW, YOU ARE FAR AHEAD IN THE GAME. YOU ARE A VALUABLE PERSON, AND THE OLDER YOU GET, THE MORE YOU FIND THAT WHAT IS IMPORTANT ARE THE THINGS THAT ARE IN YOUR HEART.
YOUR FRIEND,
REDQUEEN
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 23 May 2006 09:13 am |
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| I have a friend who was thin, got fat and then got thin again, she says she knows it's wrong to pick on people with weight problems and that it hurt when she was fat but that's it's just something you do when you're thin, you get shallow and judgemental. It's total b.s. my sister has always been thin and she has never treated me or anyone else heavier any different than anyone else, it's the person who's bad, not thin people in general.
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suenos
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 23 May 2006 08:32 pm |
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I've decided that losing weight - both the process and the actuality of it - has been a very good (and surprising) indicator of who my friends really are. When I was first starting the process and struggling daily with cravings and such there was the "friend" who at every opportunity kept trying to push stuff like cheesecake (my then favorite food) on me. At the same time (thankfully) there was the friend who would say "you're doing too good to blow it now."
Once I had lost a significant amount of weight and didn't want to spend too much money on "temporary" clothes, there was the friend who was like "come raid my closet (the size of a mini-store) and borrow whatever fits". And the friend who uses every chance to remind me she is still much smaller than me.
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partyplatterdeluxe
New Member
| Joined: | 27 May 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 6 |
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Posted: 4 June 2006 09:04 am |
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I totally know what you folks mean. I was always the hefty child since my dad really didn't know what to do with me when I was smaller and would always take me to fast food places whenever I didn't want to eat.
I was already around 140-150 during the 4th and 5th grades, I lost a bit of weight around 6th because my mom forced me to swim and I leveled out at around 180 at 8th grade. However high school started and I found a way to weasel out of gym and other things, and by junior year I weighed in at close to 220 (not to mention I was stuck in a horrible relationship where the cure to all our arguements was eating). Sucks being 5'7" and 220 pounds.
So during high school, not only was I patronized since I was a minority (went to a school that was 80% white and I'm filipino, a private catholic all boy's school so it was a bunch of rich boys with silver spoons in their mouths), I was put down since I was in all sense of the word, fat.
However, the summer before senior year I dedicated myself to getting to a normal weight something which I never was since I was three years old. So going from 220 to 170 during the summer months, my life changed dramatically. And as the year went on I kept on a diet and exercise routine which landed me at a little under 150 by the Christmas season. People started asking me to hang out and I generally was accepted by everyone who had before not even taken a glance at me. The change was so dramatic, I didn't even recognize myself in the mirror sometimes.
Then first year of college rolls around, I take on the dreaded "Freshman 15" and end up at 165 with my clothes not fitting. I've been exercising and dieting for the past two months and I'm back to my original weight.
It stinks that it has to turn out that way but it just does. People are horrible and always will be. What it comes down to is that we live for ourselves and let others do what they may. As long as I fit into my 30x30 jeans that I bought for myself before I started losing weight (I was almost a 40x30), I'll be a happy camper.
Last edited on 4 June 2006 09:06 am by partyplatterdeluxe
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NiceGuy182
New Member
| Joined: | 21 September 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 68 |
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Posted: 4 June 2006 03:50 pm |
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| Well, heh - cant say I share your guys's experiance. Still trying to drop weight, woot... 44x32 jean, hoping for a 32x32... some day!!
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Skipperdox
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 June 2006 09:25 pm |
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Have any of you had the experience of becoming a "Zoo exhibit"?
I have been dieting and exercising for about three months. I have been very successful and I am down about 27 pounds. I work in a mental health facility. Word has started spreading about my weight loss. I have had people come down to my office to "witness for themselves" my transformation.
Now, bear in mind, I appreciate that people are noticing my weight loss. And I don't mind sharing that Weight Watchers and Turbo Jam are largely responsible for my success. I just feel like a zoo exhibit...wow, go check out the dentist! Like I am an endangered species.
Frequently, the zoo patrons come down to offer unsolicited advice. "Don't lose too fast." "Are you exercising?-You should be." Don't overdo it." I'm sure it's well-intentioned. It just becomes aggravating.
I want to set an example for patients and staff alike. I just don't appreciate feeling like I'm a spectacle. You are right Javan. This is a "Cry me a river" topic, but thank you just the same. I am thankful I have those of you on this site to commiserate with me. Congrats to all who have had weight-loss success. Thanks for listening to my complaint.
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corrie
New Member
| Joined: | 1 September 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 16 |
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Posted: 19 June 2006 04:23 pm |
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"Zoo exhibit" is a good way to describe it. It pretty much sums it up, actually. Because it's not like people are oggling...it's hard to say what they're thinking, but all you know is you're being stared at.
It's been over a year now since my weight loss, so I'm not as much of a "draw" for people anymore. But I did catch wind of a rumor that I had gastro surgery. So for all I know, that's what people think. Even though I would have been away from work for weeks (which I never was), and I really only had about 60 lbs. to lose...not really a gastro candidate. I guess anything to deny the fact that someone in their midst actually took the initiative and changed her eating habits!!!
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christmaseve70
New Member
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Posted: 26 June 2006 10:16 pm |
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I realize you posted this back in September '05, but I just had to remark about this. If anyone is acting differently towards you at all, especially in a negative way, it's due to either two things....pure jealousy or guilt. Unfortunately, I can honestly say I was extremely jealous of my friend who lost 90 lbs on Weight Watchers after a steady loss during a 9 month period. I started the plan with her, but unlike her, I went off after I lost 32 pounds, gained mine back, and she continued to lose and eventually maintained as a life timer. I was very jealous, even though I considered her a good friend of mine. I tried so hard to be happy for her, but it was hard for me to get beyond my own emotions (mainly guilt) of not having stuck with the program. She was proof that I had no excuses!!
Be proud of your accomplishment! Not only for your increased health and also, in the longrun, longevity and quality of your life, but just to be able to revel in the achievement you have accomplished! Don't worry about anyone. If they are your "true friends" they will stick by you, good or bad. If not, you'll know immediately!
Congrats and thanks for pointing out to me how much of a jackass I have been in the past. It's good to have a reality check now and then!!! LOL.
Amy
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Youlka
New Member
| Joined: | 28 June 2006 |
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| Posts: | 23 |
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Posted: 28 June 2006 08:26 pm |
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I agree... jealousy is the thing that can make big achievements bitter. It`s real sad... but that`s the nature of people!
All we can do - just try not to notice it.. so that it wouldn`t affect us too much.
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rosiesrunning
New Member
| Joined: | 22 July 2006 |
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| Posts: | 1 |
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Posted: 22 July 2006 07:51 pm |
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CONGRATS TO YOU AND ALL WHO LOST WEIGHT! we all know how hard it is to do. It takes alot of determination, control, and power. People who react negative because of your success are feeling inferior to your power and control. AND THEY ARE JEALOUS!!!!!
Ignore them and continue to LOVE YOURSELF!
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fatcat75
New Member
| Joined: | 25 July 2006 |
| Location: | Canada |
| Posts: | 21 |
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Posted: 25 July 2006 10:08 pm |
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 Hello, yeah it takes all kinds to make the world go round although if people thought about what they said before it reached their lips! I was getting ready for a bodybuilding competition and one of my friends said in her exact words "Why do you need to lose weight? You're not that fat!"
Permission to slap somebody silly please?
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OWF
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 1 August 2006 06:52 pm |
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Virginia,
I know EXACTLY how you feel!!!!!!!! It totally stinks!!! For the longest time, I would hear people's (mostly my in-laws and family members and "best friends") comments about MY eating habits and workouts and I would talk with my husband about it (he didnt notice it as much) and I would come up with that I was being a little paranoid and people were NOT trying to undercut my efforts. Well, I am CONVINCED I was wrong and all along, people have been jealous of my efforts, dedication to healthy lifestyle and they actually LOVE to see me fail. I have tried an experiment with different people to see who is "a friend" and who isn't. Sadly, I am pretty sure my only TRUE friend is my husband. Because I would like to say my mother (who is going to Weight Watchers and has lost 40 lbs cause she was up to 200 lbs or more at 5'2) and you would think she would be a "friend" and want to support me, and yes, SOMEtimes, she pays me a compliment and when she is having a "good eating" day, she will encourage me to choose wisely.....but then there are lots of times where I get comments from her and my in-laws and "best" friends like "ahhh come on, you work out so much, you can eat that cake!!!" and "you worry too much, you deserve a treat!" and "You're not fat, you dont need to lose weight" (when in fact, the "friend" who is saying this is 5 inches taller, and 25 lbs lighter but says SHE needs to lose weight and I dont..hmmmmmmm...) and my sister in law (who is always on some form of diet herself) even said "ya know, some people just aren't meant to be thin" which was a nice thing to hear after I was venting that losing weight is so tough for me.....I mean, yes, these comments aren't the end of the world...but you know what? I don't wonder if it's all in my head anymore. Sadly, most people dont want to feel threatened so they want me to stay heavier because as one friend even said "I am THE SKINNY ONE, that's my special area" as if she surrounded herself with heavier people to feel better about herself. Hmmm......is it in my head? I don't think so anymore. I am on this journey. My husband is my hero. He will do anything to help support my efforts if I ask him to. I am soooo sick of hearing people say "you work out, you dont need to" What is wrong with them????????? I have 12 lbs to lose to be in a "normal" weight/bodyfat range....PLUS I WANT TO FEEL AND LOOK BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!
Question: Why can't they support that IF they truly love me?
Answer: Because they are jealous. And insecure. And when someone declares a move to help their life in some way, (whether its to lose weight, give up drinking, quit smoking) it makes them feel worse about themselves.
Last edited on 1 August 2006 07:13 pm by OWF
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Skipperdox
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 2 August 2006 04:48 pm |
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I just read a quote on a coworker's desk that said:
 "The true measure of an individual is in how he treats a person who can do him absolutely no good".
It's disappointing to see how many people won't support you because there is no perceived benefit in it to them. Cherish the ones who will support you no matter what. They are worthy friends to have.
At the same time I strive to be one of the people who will be kind and supportive to everyone, regardless of what I may gain. To my dismay, I find it is much easier to be kind when I know I will benefit from the action.
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fatcat75
New Member
| Joined: | 25 July 2006 |
| Location: | Canada |
| Posts: | 21 |
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Posted: 7 August 2006 04:34 am |
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| YOU GUYS AND GALS R SUPER! EVERYTHING YOU SAID YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY WOULD SAY ARE THE SAME STUFF THAT I WOULD HEAR. I DIDN'T MAKE THE CONTEST BECAUSE MY WEIGHT WENT UP, I FELT DEPRESSED. THE ONLY TRUE FRIEND IS MY BOYFRIEND WHO SUPPORTS ME IN ANYTHING I DO WHICH I'M GRATEFUL FOR. HE KEEPS ME SEEING THE REAL PICTURE. I SAW A T-SHIRT THAT SAID ON THE FRONT''SMILE, IT CONFUSES PEOPLE''. WELL THE SAME CAN BE SAID ABOUT SINCERITY TOWARDS OTHERS. IT SEEMS LIKE THAT HARDLY EXISTS IN THIS DAY & AGE.
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Nir
Senior Administrator
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Posted: 17 August 2006 03:25 pm |
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I'm not sure it counts, but I can think of one particular forum member whose outspoken opinion against counting calories can be constructed as an attempt to derail those of us who depend on this approach, either as an educational tool or as a means of ensuring we control our daily intake.
If some of us use some method, and it works for us, who is she to wish us to fail by recommending we abandon it?
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OWF
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 August 2006 05:35 pm |
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I agree with you Nir.
Apparently, SOME people get off from "shocking" others with their blatantly rude and obnoxious comments. I guess some people are bitter about other things and have to take it out on someone and maybe they don't have the COURAGE to take care of their own issues in person, so they use this "Safe" online forum where nobody knows their name. It's interesting though, how many people are passive/aggressive and jealous. I have a name for these people......
"Hector the Projector" --- it means that they project and vomit and spew their fears, whether irrational or not, onto you, or whoever will put up with it. Since most people are non-confrontational, they usually don't mention it, but tend to start "distancing" themselves from the negativity and the person actually ends up alone and alienated, or hanging by a thread to the few people left who happen to have been manipulated into feeling sorry for them.
It's quite psychological. I just have seen it played out many times when I used to work in the mental health field. It's very sad, but at the same time, these people have NO RIGHT to insult, or be condescending towards others. It is their own projection and fears and should be worked out instead of spewing onto others.
Don't stop COUNTING or TRACKING just because someone WANTS to break you down because of their own insecurities. This website is FOR COUNTING CALORIES. It is called CALORIESPERHOUR....if you cant track here, where can you? To me, it's like going to an AA meeting and telling people to just put the bottle down!! DUHHH!!! Really??? Oh, thank goodness you showed up, why didn't WE think of that??
Last edited on 17 August 2006 05:36 pm by OWF
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Chiffa
New Member
| Joined: | 17 August 2006 |
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| Posts: | 34 |
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Posted: 17 August 2006 11:39 pm |
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It's interesting to me to see how people treat you not only before you lost your weight, but and after.
I would guess that the ones who are *cold* to you now, are feeling on some way threatened by your weight loss.
Perhaps your new confidence serves to highlight their own un-confidences or your new attractiveness makes them feel less than so.
But it's my experience with people, that to talk about a heavy person's weight is almost forbidden. (it's talk they make behind your back, or under breath)
It's considered hurtfull and rude to make such comments.
But once you are slender, EVERY-ONE feels they are free to comment on your eating or your body.
Types of this 'reverse' discriminations comments that I encoutnered.
"Go on, eat the cake, pie, whatever - you can afford it"
(I would never reverse this comment to a heavy person and ask "OMG What are you doing? you can't afford to eat such dessert.")
"Don't you think you're thin enough?"(Here my answer is "yes, but I wish to maintain my weight and figure.")
"But you're not fat" (This one I hear, when I don't take a second helping or pass up completely some dish that is full of fat. - and I answer "no, Im not now heavy, but I was, and I don't wish to be again."
;)
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bootinka
New Member
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Posted: 18 August 2006 08:35 pm |
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gingerb8956 I understand exactly what you mean. I was 250 some years ago and got really serious about my weight loss and I went from a 24 to size 12 I was so happy. It felt great just going into a store and getting clothes that fit you. The down side of it was I lived in Baltimore, MD where I lost the weight at. Back home now where I am originally from SC when I came home for a visit I got snubbed by my family members. This hurt alot because I worked so hard to get that weight off of me. My family on my mom side has a history of obesity and the first thing that people could say to me was you look great and other people would say that I was starving myself, and why am I so small. Like I had control over where I lost weight at on me. Now that my son is 22 months old I have since then gained the weight back. I have been very depressed having to move back here to SC and my self esteem has went down. Now everybody has nothing to say and I'm guessing it's because I'm right back where I started from which is o.k. because we all live and learn from our mistakes. So, now I am in to my 10th day of eating right and this will be my second day of working out on the slim in 6 and you know what I am going to do it.
This time when I loose all of the weight and I will mind you. Everybody could go somplace with all of their negative talk because misery loves company. You keep your head up and maintain.
bootinka
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