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Last edited on 6 May 2008 01:15 am by Ravae

 

For the last three years I have been on a very structured eating plan and its time to start expermenting a little. Hence, I have started adding more food choices And this is stiring up my addict so I'm going to start posting my journey. I definitely feel I'm reading to meet my addict in the ring and come out the winner.

My addict hates Discipline. So to show her who's boss this morning I waited until 7 to eat breakfast (I get up at 5 ish) I also washed last nights dishes before I ate. My addict does not usually wake up until noonish so its good to practice discipline in the morning while its easy because she's still sleeping. Then later in the day I already have my discipline muscle going, Hence it's easier to zing her.

I'm also practicing my "one bit at a time" game, now I know all of you always eat only "one bite at a time" but not this girl......In the past I would not have even completely swallowed one bite before shoving another. No wonder I was usually done before everyone

My new way of eating is moderate carbs, three meals a day........eat like a king for breakfast, a queen for lunch and a pauper for dinner

Last edited on 24 June 2008 12:26 am by Ravae

When I feel good it's impossible for me to eat anything that is not perfect for my body. I can also hear the things my addict says for the lies they are. So my life is ultimately about feeling good and being happy. It's really just that easy, can you tell it's morning and my addicts alseep. When she wakes up then starts the brainwashing where I forget the best defense again her is feelilng good and who doesn't like to feel good. Eventually I will feel so good all the time she will die. So these are the priorities in my life feel good, feel good then feel good some more. (Me doing the feel good dance)

I'm feeling really good right now because I'm talking to my 8 month old grandson as I type. It's kind of a one sided conversation but by watching him I can tell we are meant to to happy.

Disciplining myself makes me happy, it makes me feel strong. So it's 6:19am and I will again be delaying the gratifacation of my delicious breakfast until 7 am.

Last edited on 24 June 2008 02:24 pm by Ravae

just finished dinner. my addict is trying to get me to eat more. but writing here is giving me the pause I need to realize she want me dead. the feeling to continue with more eating was so compelling that I have to make myself realize she want me dead.......she would really like me to be one of the "living dead" which is to still live but weigh twice as much or more as I do now. She as times is almost able to put me into
zombee ville. Its really somewhat scary the power I let her have. but it only takes a few seconds pause to take back my power, once I realize she tricked me into zombee ville again.........I'm going to put a note on the fridge that says.........Before opening the fridge be sure you're not in zombee ville?

Last edited on 27 June 2008 01:41 am by Ravae

This "Zombee ville" thing has been a huge break through for me. I have always been baffled when trying to understand what happens when I seem to loose all control and have a binge. But now I do......for that time what has happened is I have let my addict put me under a zombee like spell. And now that I am aware I can watch for it and stop it before it takes over. I'm excited for dinner tonight because I can be on guard for when the "zombee" starts to come out......so I can stop her before she gets me to the fridge and turns me into a

Last edited on 27 June 2008 01:42 am by Ravae

Tricking My Addict


My addict is working overtime at trying to trick me into having a binge right now. I was trying to go to sleep but I have so much on my mind that my mind was fighting it When all the sudden I started getting all these thoughts that the answer to my sleep problem is to go down stairs and eat. And for a few minutes its even sounded rational, real rational for a few minutes.

Then I remember that in just a couple of hours I get to eat a king size breakfast. That thought was able to "trick" my addict long enough to let go of me so I could see she had trick me into zombee ville again where all her totally irrational thoughts seem rational.

I'm glad I've decided on my new food plan especially my king size breakfast...... because it's a great weapon to use against my addicts control over me.

Last edited on 27 June 2008 01:42 am by Ravae

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Last edited on 30 June 2008 11:48 am by Ravae

Last edited on 7 July 2008 01:51 am by Ravae

 At about 6pm my addict was really on my back trying to end my 24 hour fast early saying it would not make a difference but I knew that that last hour or so would be the most important to me emotionally. So I went out and mowed the lawn and I really like mowing the lawn and I can't hear her when I'm doing things I like. When I finished it was time to eat. I had a light dinner but one of my favorite........here it is incase your interested soynut butter.......yogurt.........raisins....apple

My addicted tried to get me to eat more. But I just laughed at her because it wouldn't be long before I get to eat my KINGS breakfast. Plus eatings not that important to me in the morning (primarily because she/my addict is a late sleeper and does not start yacking at me until about noon.)

I will do more 24 hour fasts it makes me feel in control and "for me' there are tons of benefits to it

Last edited on 7 July 2008 03:03 pm by Ravae

I spent a little time in zombee ville at lunch today . Therefore I have chosen to give my stomach a rest and leave it empty until breakfast. Even though it might be three steps forward one back sometimes, I really feel like I'm making friends with my stomach for the first time in my life. I have been enjoying lemon water with stevia this afternoon instead of more food.. Its almost 8:30 and I still feel slightly full. What a awesome journey this is zombee ville and all.

Last edited on 10 July 2008 12:41 pm by

I'm finding as I move sideways from greysheet, my portion control muscle is not working very well. In fact some meals it does not work at all

So my new plan is to eat lots of small meals/snacks a day to strengthen that muscle. Even more then that, to show myself I won't "die" if I don't eat till I'm over full all the time. It seems that the weighted and measureness of greysheet kept me small but did not help me learn to control my portion muscle I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing. I plan on having fun doing this and winning, by making peace with my portion control muscle.

My rules are I can eat as many small amounts as I want a day, I just have to have an hour between small amounts. A small amounts would be any amount where my "addict" says what are you doing trying to starve me.( this is my addict freaking out because it thinks I'm trying to starve it")

I find that I'm not eating every hour but it helps knowing I can when I'm over powering my addict to eat only a small amount at each meal.
 

Last edited on 29 July 2008 02:03 pm by Ravae